Where there was fire, ashes remain Love is an abstract concept that implies intimacy, commitment, vision, communication,

stewardship, satisfactory sexual relationships, among other concepts, and when some of this elements are not present is when we should ask ourselves, until where shall we continue? The answer is not as obvious as it might seem, but definitely not all the way, not until your dignity is stepped over, or when you stop being you, when your aspirations, wishes, hopes, interests are put aside and you always doubt if they are yours or are imposed by the other if you are to continue with the relationship. You might think that love continues just because time has passed, and you think that if you have managed to be together for so long is because underneath all the arguments, dissatisfaction, pain, there is still some trace of love. Well, what I am telling you is that love should not be looked up under the rocks, or in happy moments from the past, but here and now. Delusion is a common ingredient in this kind of relationships, we constantly repeat to ourselves but if it is his way of loving, or he is absorbed by his job and we justify his underestimation, indifference, and selfish attitudes, believing that it is us who have to adjust our way of loving to the one he is showing, but I insist, you must ask yourself, how much time is it reasonable to wait until he can love me in other way? The reasonable, as I mentioned before, is to ask: how do I feel? Will I accept this behavior from anyone else? Most probably the answers will be: I feel unfulfilled and to the second question will be an absolute NO, definitely I will not accept this from someone else. It is true that men are specially sensible to stress, and it is also true that irascibility, tiredness and bad mood are symptoms to be subject to continuous stressful situations, but you dont stop loving your couple just because you are tired, is the other way around, you look for them to take shelter, and to replenish your energy and solve the daily nuisances Besides, making a mantra out of true love is unconditional is dangerous long term, because considering the situations that can appear in a relationship and which ones can we accept, there is a broad spectrum, ranging from for better or worse to infidelity,

beating, exploit, where there is not a real principle functioning as a pivot as to how are we conducting life as a couple. Setting limits helps to draw a line and create foundations, allowing you to recognize the kind of life you are sharing, which must be because both of you are whole; otherwise, being incomplete breaks you. LOVE UNTIL WHEN? REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT GO ON As Walter Riso points in Love limits, if your situation is that you are NOT loved, it can be more tan impossible to become the object of affection of your partner, and this is not because you have become someone unworthy of love, but is possible that the relationship was initiated with more interest on your side than his. So, is important to tell him that this condition is NOT NEGOTIABLE, so if he ask you to wait, to give him some time, that his love will grow with time, absolutely do not wait for that, since the conditions for him to love you might be totally irrational and obviously extremely complicated for them to be present. It can also be that your scale of self improvement is not compatible with his, so who will you become in this relationship, what can you give if you havent fulfilled what motivates you to expand your talents and personal capacity satisfactorily, that makes you be who you are, LOVE OTHERS LIKE YOURSELF, but if you havent become yourself, if you stay last, what love quality can you give? Last, if your values or principles have to be put to the limit, when your dignity, your right to be valued and respected are antagonized by your partner behavior, you must ask yourself : is this really love? How can he say that he loves me if he doesnt consider me valuable enough to respect me?

LOVE TRIANGLE Robert Sternber, according to his theory of triangular love, characterizes it according three components that are commitment, intimacy and passion, that if they are equilibrated, they are considered the purest way of love. More specifically, passion makes reference to an intense desire of union with the other, as an expression of needs and wishes; commitment as the decision to love the other

person and to maintain that love, and intimacy as those feelings within a relationship that promotes closeness, bonding, connecting and above all, self insight. And the question still lingers on the air, does your love relationship contains this three elements equilibrated? Or does the scale is leaning toward one of them? What component will define your relationship? And once that you have defined your relationship, will you continue on it on the same way up until now? Where should you love up to? Is possible that you might feel identified with this arguments, and this questions might be even bothersome to answer, but is relevant to answer all of them to define where your relationship is headed, and above all if what you consider love, truly is or not.