Meat is Murder by Amy Suto

Amy@Page85.com

FADE IN: EXT. APOCALYPTIC LANDSCAPE - DAY Overturned cars litter the city, buildings spontaneously burst into flames, zombies wander through the streets, all that end-of-the-world jazz. MARGE PENDLETON (40s), pink shoes, pink bag, pleasantly plump, whistles as she walks down the street in her pink sequin MEAT IS MURDER PETA t-shirt. She passes a cardboard sign on the ground that reads THE END IS HERE. A sign next to that: THANKS, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS. Another sign: YOURE WELCOME, LIEUTENANT SARCASM. Another sign: GO VEGAN. SURVIVE JUDGMENT DAY. A final sign: ITS THE APOCALYPSE AND YOU FUCKING HIPPIES STILL HAVE TIME TO MAKE PICKET SIGNS? Marge walks past the sign and up the steps into-INT. PETA HEADQUARTERS - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY Marge plops down at the head of a cracked boardroom table, where two of her Associates sit along with a handful of terrified Interns. Outside of the window, a building collapses and people scatter, screaming. MARGE Kathy, whats the scoop on our ongoing crusade to protect animals from the soulless sinners who seek to destroy them? KATHY (40s), a nervous, jittery woman, stutters as her gaze flickers between Marge and the destruction outside. KATHY W-well Marge, considering th-that there arent many animals left-Marge SLAMS her hand down on the table.

2. MARGE KATHY! OUR FIGHT FOR PRECIOUS BABY ANIMALS NEVER CEASES! Understood? Kathy nods frantically, eyeing the door. MARGE Tom, where are we on the undead crowd sourcing? TOM (50s), balding and perpetually confused by his surroundings, wears a MCRUELTY: IM HATIN IT protest tshirt. TOM You want to know the undeads stand on veganism? MARGE No, Tom, I want to change the undeads stance on veganism. TOM Marge, this seems awful silly. Wouldnt be easier if we just... yknow... closed down PETA? Marge narrows her eyes. MARGE Close down PETA? TOM Considering the circumstances-MARGE CLOSE. DOWN. PETA?! TOM It only seems like-MARGE We are people for the ethical treatment of animals, Tom, not people who run from every traumatic apocalypse! KATHY Whats that noise? A SCRATCHING noise can be heard from above them. A FRIGHTENED INTERN jumps up and screams.

3. FRIGHTENED INTERN The zombies! Theyre in the vents! Everyone in the conference room jumps up, running toward the door-BANG! Marge FIRES a warning shot from a pink Beretta. MARGE The meeting is not adjourned. Sit down. KATHY You c-cant keep us here! MARGE Actually, I can. Its written on page forty-five in your terms of employment in five point comic sans font! Marge pulls a thick stack of papers out of nowhere and waves it around. What?! KATHY

TOM Who the hell uses comic sans? MARGE Everyone SIT DOWN! Everyone scuttles to their seats. Satisfied, Marge stands back at the head of the table. MARGE (CONTD) Now weve still got work to do in the world. Aggressive ad campaigns sexualizing vegans are great -but why stop there? The SCRATCHING grows louder. MARGE (CONTD) Now that the apocalypse is here, we need to branch out! With HORDES OF ZOMBIES outside the window, Kathy screams and hides under the table.

4. TOM Marge, WE NEED TO LEAVE! Marge dashes to the side of the conference room and presses a button labeled IN THE NAME OF MOTHER NATURE and a drawer of WEAPONS slides out from the wall. MARGE I will keep PETA running if its the LAST THING I DO! CRASH. A Zombie destroys the window, clawing its way into the room. Marge grabs a gun just as the undead flood the room, descending on the PETA members. Bits and pieces of flesh fly as the feeding frenzy begins. A t-shirt shred flutters to the floor: MEAT IS MURDER.

FADE OUT. THE END