Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
com presents:
Table Of Contents
I. Preface........................................................................................... II. Introduction................................................................................... 1. Change Needs Focused Effort....................................................... 2. Change Needs Time...................................................................... 3. Change Needs Motivation............................................................. 4. Change Needs Preparation........................................................... 5. Change Needs Strategy................................................................ 6. Change Needs Courage................................................................ 7. Change Needs Consciousness...................................................... 8. Change Needs Support................................................................. 9. Change Needs Attitude................................................................. 10. Change Needs Fun...................................................................... III. Epilog........................................................................................... IV. Checklist...................................................................................... V. How To Change Your Life.............................................................. VI. About The Author......................................................................... VII. Recommended Resources........................................................... 3 4 7 10 12 16 18 21 23 25 28 32 34 35 36 38 39
I. Preface
Ta-Da! Its there! My first ebook for followtheredqueen.com. Or actually, my first real ebook generally. Im very proud to welcome you as a reader! Before you start I want to let you know you a few things: - Dont overlook the checklist at the end of the book! It will remind you of the principles you learned in this book. - If you like this ebook, dont forget to recommend it to your friends. Please dont share it directly but give them the link where they can sign up for the newsletter: http://followtheredqueen.com/personal-development-resources/freee-book/ That way, they dont only receive this ebook but also benefit from future content Im going to share. - If you need more help with creating change, I can recommend you my email course How To Change Your Life. Also dont hesitate to contact me, if you have questions (or if you have any other reason to contact me). Enjoy!
II. Introduction
Hi,
this is Alice from followtheredqueen.com. Today I want to talk to you about why so many people have trouble changing their lives. Lets be honest, we all did it at least once. We had this great plan of how to change our life. We planned what exactly to do, maybe we scheduled everything nicely. And then maybe we even started doing things. Yeah, we actually took action to change our lives. Fast forward three weeks later: Were back to our normal routine. Were living the life we lived before we decided we wanted to change it. Maybe we have already all forgotten about our efforts or, which is common, too, were already crafting a new plan that will DEFINITELY work. Yeah, right. I have to know about stuff like this. I literally created dozens of these plans.
4
For example, they sounded like: From tomorrow on, - Im going to wake up at 5.30 am every morning - Im going to exercise every day - Im going to market my website for at least 1 hour a day - Im going to write 1000 words for my novel every day - Im going to read at least 30 pages a day - Im going to write at least 2 blog articles - Im going to visualize at least 30 minutes a day - Im going to add at least 200 people on twitter and so on. So the next day I started taking action. Generally the first few days it went pretty well. I felt great. But then I forgot to do one of the things and the list. And then I didnt manage to wake up early so I couldnt finish my plan on that day either. And then problems with my sleep schedule got worse and I was too tired too read 30 pages, and then I forgot to buy healthy food so I ate at McDonalds and afterwards I didnt have any ideas about what to write for my novel. And lets face it, I hadnt done my visualization in days because it kind of bored me and... ...well, and after two weeks or so, Id usually given up on my genius plan.
5
Have you ever made plans like that? And did you maybe wonder why they never really work? Why they never truly changed your life? Or maybe you used a different approach: You tried to do implement just one new habit but new obstacles kept preventing you from ever making it after week 2. Or you thought you had the perfect strategy to change your life. But after weeks of work nothing had really changed (except maybe that you were bored and stressed) and you just gave up. There are many reasons why the attempt of changing your life may havent worked for you yet. In this book I want to present the criteria to you that I found has to be met when you want to change your life in a bigger way. That way you can find out whats exactly missing in your approach to change your life. The first principle I want to talk to you about is the principle of focused effort.
Also, if you think that changing one thing at a time sounds like its not challenging enough, I beg you to try it out first. Usually the difficult phase of changing something doesnt even start before week 2 so in the beginning its easy to underestimate the focused effort youll need. The 30 Day Trial One tool I (and many other people) have been using successfully for implementing change again and again is the 30 day trial. It works like this: Instead of committing to the new change forever (from now on, Im going to...), you only commit to it for 30 days. This gives you the psychological advantage that you dont feel overwhelmed (30 days seem doable) and also, if you do only one 30 day trial at a time, it will be pretty easy to stay focused.
After the 30 days are over youre free to continue or discontinue the new habit. 30 days is the time frame you usually need to install a new habit so after you completed the trial you should already need a lot less effort to continue with your new habit. These are some the habits I implemented into my life with the help of a 30 day trial: Becoming a vegetarian Quitting fast food Quitting alcohol Exercising Budgeting
Id say if you havent completed at least three 30 day trials successfully, dont do more than one at a time. In the beginning its extremely common to underestimate the difficulty of keeping up a 30 day trial. Sounds like thats not fast enough? Lets talk about time...
easier for you to effectively change your life as time goes by. It certainly has become easier for me. Persistence If change needs time, this means that you also will need to exercise your focused effort over a longer period of time. You cant just sit there and wait for things to happen (well you could, it just wouldnt be effective). You will need to take action constantly.
Rest Time also means time for yourself. Take a day off once in a while. Have fun. Relax. You wont be able to persist, if you burn out. Being stressed will reduce the power that you will need to be courageous and to exercise focused effort. So, paradoxically, resting will increase your productivity.
11
- I wanted to increase my contribution to the world You see, there are plenty of reasons why it was a good idea for me to write on this ebook. So thats what I did. Why do you want to reach your goals? Why do you want to change your life? What are the things that motivate you to take action? Reason Often we can find a lot of good arguments for doing something. But motivation that is rationalized is not a motivation that will last. Instead of creating fake arguments that you dont actually care about in order to justify your behavior, look for whats really driving you. Look for your true emotions. This is actually where you can reveal false motivation! Do you really care about getting a new mobile phone? Are you really excited about going back to school? Do you really want to learn to play the piano?
- do you only want to go back to school because your parents are exerting pressure? - do you only want to learn a new skill because that way you can keep distracting yourself from more important and scarier goals? Are there maybe things you are more excited about/things that are more important to you/things that you make you really feel motivated? These are important considerations because a goal that youre not really interested in will not be able to kindle your long term motivation. And without long term motivation, you wont be able to make long term changes. Excuses Missing motivation is often used as an excuse for not doing something. On the one hand, if you truly dont have a good reason to do something, just leave it alone. On the other hand, if you really want to change your life you probably will have to take action even when youre not particularly motivated to do so. Even if you have a good reason to do something, it doesnt mean youre always going to be motivated. So dont expect that. However, what you can do on such days is to remind yourself of the reasons why you want to change. Focus on the reasons that were driving you in the first place.
14
I do this all the time and I think its one of the reasons why I always stay motivated. Momentum Whats a little tricky about motivation is that it is coupled with a certain inertia. That means: Before you do ANYTHING, you will usually not be motivated. In order to become motivated, you will have to do something FIRST. The good news is that after you started doing something it will usually become easier and easier to get and stay motivated. Thats of course only true for tasks that excite you and that youre interested in. Doing something you dont want to do will make you even feel more lethargic. A popular strategy to get motivated is to take one uncomfortable (= courage requiring) action step first thing in the morning (worst first). This can give you a tremendous boost in motivation and self-confidence. A great start into the day! Before you start your big project all motivated, right now, lets talk about preparing yourself for the challenge, at first.
15
16
Also, to every change there will be consequences that dont necessarily belong to your goals. Maybe becoming a vegetarian means that your mother starts arguing with you. Maybe earning more money means that you have to pay more taxes or that you have to learn about money management. The better youre prepared, the easier it will be to deal with those consequences. Fortunately there are many people who have done what youre trying to do before. Other people have already changed their eating habits, they have already stopped smoking, they have already started meditating, they have already experimented with their sleep schedule, they have already written novels in 30 days. And they shared their experiences. Theyve written books about it, they published blog articles and discussed their experiences in online forums. When you want to change, immerse yourself in this information. Read about what other people have experienced and what they recommend you to do (and if you still need help preparing yourself, there are always some who will love to answer your particular questions). While youre getting familiar with other peoples experiences, you will also get insights about the strategies they used successfully. More about strategy in the next chapter.
17
18
Finding Strategies First of all, where do you start when you havent defined a strategy at all yet? Create a new strategy by yourself? You could definitely do that and Ive done this many times. What Ive found, though, is that, when Im a beginner in a certain area, the strategies I come up with usually suck. Its because I dont have enough experience yet in order to know whats really important and whats not. Thats why I prefer imitating other peoples strategies these days. You dont need to reinvent the wheel. Just think about it: There are already a lot of people who are doing successfully what you want to do. They already found something that works for them. They already built wheels! Who would be better to learn from?
19
Adapting Strategies Of course, youre still an individual with your own specific needs and probably no strategy you will learn from someone else will fit perfectly to you and your life. However, thats okay. It just means that when you notice that something is off, you look for a way to fix the strategy instead of blindly continuing the trail. Switching Strategies At some point you might notice that a strategy doesnt work at all for you (anymore). Then its important to be courageous and switch strategies. Be careful about switching too often, though. If you keep changing the course, you will never get anywhere. Give your new strategies always the time to deliver results to you before you consider switching. Its very hard to give you a rule about how long this time should be. Usually its best to look for expert help in order to find out how long it should take until you get first results. Before you reach that point, though, you will have to take action, action and action.
20
21
What do you find scary? - Maybe telling someone the truth? -->Will be less scary to you when youve started exercising your courage muscle! - Maybe talking to strangers? -->Will be less scary to you when youve started exercising your courage muscle! - Maybe travelling alone? -->Guess what - will be less scary to you when youve started exercising your courage muscle! Its not that these things wont be scary AT ALL anymore but they will feel a lot more doable because youll have the confidence that you can act despite your fears. Now I even look forward to the things Im scared of (inspite of being scared!) because I know that I will become even more powerful when I do them. Thats an awesome feeling, I can tell ya.
22
can get more aware about my thoughts and feelings and its easier to make decisions for the future. So how do you do a review? It depends on your individual needs: Usually - I think about what I have done the last week(s) (maybe I look on an old to do list so I really get clear about it) - then I ask myself: --> What did I do? What did I change? --> Which results did I get? (good and bad!) --> Which kind of experiences did I make? --> What did I like and what not? --> What do I want to do differently in the next two weeks? --> What do I want to do more of in the next two weeks? Then, after that, I make a plan for the next week or two. Sometimes I will think more about the big picture. Then I write down, for example, which kind of projects I want to work on in the next month/two months/quarter.. and which priorities they have. Also, sometimes I brainstorm ideas for new or existing projects. More tips on creating a review: http://followtheredqueen.com/monthly-reviews/
24
25
- Groups have more experience and can give you more perspectives: One person knows maybe 1 3 solutions for problem X. A group knows probably 10 solutions or more. - Groups are magic. Well, not really. But the feeling of belonging together can uplift your mood a lot. I remember a few group meetings where I went in pretty grumpy and got out feeling loved, motivated and inspired. I even found that this group approach worked so well for me, that I decided offering my course How To Change Your Life as a group course. Not only can groups support you but they can also keep you accountable and so far this seems to work for other people as well! However, where do you find groups like that? I admit, its not so easy in the beginning but I found the internet a very good place for that. Look out for forums, blogs, facebook groups in order to find people with similar interests and goals. So if youre goal is to eat healthier, join health forums, look for facebook health groups, connect with the readers of health blogs... I found a lot of supportive growth-oriented people in a general personal development forum a few years ago (the PDSP forum that are closed now). Soon I was invited to join a mastermind group where we would get together in a chatroom five times a week, report our progress and celebrate our success.
26
Although we all had different goals, it worked well because we were generally oriented towards change and success. The Right People Working together with people is different from working alone and you will probably need a few trial and error approaches until you find out how the ideal support group should work for you and also what kind of people you like working with. What I found especially important when working together with other people is that theyre sharing a positive attitude towards the goal (and towards life in general). You want a group where people are motivating and supporting each other, not where they bitch about their problems and drag each other down. More about the right attitude in the next chapter.
27
28
Every one of us has some limiting beliefs. Usually they dont reveal themselves until were trying to get past them, though. And then theyre still often hard to recognize. If you feel like you cant create any change in a certain area of your life, although all other criteria I presented in this book are fulfilled, you might be fighting against a limiting belief. There are many ways to get rid of limiting beliefs: NLP, the Lefkoe Method, Psych-K, The Work by Byron Katie, the Process by Robert Scheinfeld... Personally, I use a method called Release Technique, which is based on the Sedona Method. The Release Technique Conditions: - when you try this for the first few times, make sure youre in an environment that allows you to concentrate on yourself for a few minutes or more (the more time you have the better); make sure you wont get interrupted Step 1: - become aware of how you feel - recognize the feelings in your body, but dont try to describe them mentally, just recognize them
29
Step 2: - become especially aware of your feeling center: its in the area between your chest and your stomach and its where you not only feel physical sensations but your emotions (like anger, happiness, sadness, frustration) - get aware of the emotions that are currently circling through your feeling center, allow yourself to feel these emotions fully - these emotions may now get stronger; thats okay; observe them (mindlessly), be present to them, feel them, allow them to rise; accept all the feelings that come up; if you feel like you cant accept, accept your non-acceptance Step 3: - now put an imaginary tube into your feeling center, put it exactly there where youre feeling the emotions - then allow your emotional energy to flow through the tube out of your body Step 4: - its common to feel a feeling of resistance when youre doing this; accept the resistance fully; then allow the resistance to dissolve; allow it to flow through the tube Repeat this process till you feel a lot more relieved or till you want to do something else.
30
Basically, this is the releasing process. In the way I described it, youre just releasing the feeling youre carrying around in the moment. If you want to release a specific negative belief, feeling or thought (a doubt) that is often bothering you, you can wait till it arises from alone or you can try to bring up the energy: Invite the thought, the emotion, the belief into your mind and into your feeling center; maybe remember the time when it was created or the consequences that this thought, belief or emotion has created in your life. When the feeling has reached your feeling center you can begin to release it. Its common that the specific emotion you want to release doesnt cease until you have done this process a few times. The deeper and stronger the energy that you want to release is, the longer it will take to get it out of your body. BTW, I learned this technique in Larry Cranes abundance course. You can find out more about him and the course here: releasetechnique.com
31
32
- I play the game of life so I can have fun and enjoy myself. (Why else would you play a game?) - There are no problems, only challenges. (Seriously, would you having not enough cash in Monopoly or The Sims define as a problem?) In fact, the struggles and difficulties make the game a lot more fun! - Its not all death serious. So you make mistakes who cares? Its all part of the game. Playing If you find yourself struggling and not enjoying the experience, ask yourself in which way youre playing the game of life wrong. Which of your needs have you been ignoring? Which parts of the game did you forget while you were trying to win more achievements? Also, ask yourself how to make the game more enjoyable. Do you need more rests? More play? More variety? Different challenges? Do you rather want to explore other parts of the game? Youre free to choose!
33
III. Epilog
I hope you got some inspiration or ideas out of the 10 topics I presented to you in this book. I know how much youre wanting your life to change but when youre living your life waiting for the results, youre not really living. Take time for yourself every day to celebrate your success. You already are a success. When you understand that, when you understand that this moment is all you have anyway and that all is already good, you will see that changing your life is only a game were playing for our enjoyment. Dont choose to play because you think you have to. Choose to play it because you love yourself so much that you grant yourself this fabulous luxury of enjoyment.
34
IV. Checklist
Youre trying to change your life but you feel stuck? Use this checklist to find out what you are missing: 1. Do you use focused effort on your goals? 2. Are you patient? Are you persisting? 3. Are you motivated? Why do you want to change your life? 4. Are you prepared enough? 5. Do you have a strategy? 6. Do you face your fears and get out of your comfort zone? 7. Do you stay conscious? Do you review your progress regularly? 8. Is your environment supporting you? 9. Do you keep working on your attitude? 10. Do you make your challenge fun? What would you do if it was just a game?
35
36
Ive rarely been so productive! Especially the mutual feedback and exchange of experiences became a big push for my motivation. I was able to follow my goals in a much more powerful way because I learned in this course to become aware of my intermediate goals and inspired actions. I always looked forward to the next day with new tips and new assignments! Michael Michalowski, Bielefeld, Germany Key Features: - Find out which tasks really matter instead of wasting your time with unimportant busy work - Get reminded of your commitment to change your life almost every day so you dont lose focus - Find support and meet new inspiring people in the course community - Stop procrastinating and finally tackle difficult tasks (no bad conscience anymore!) - Make constant change a part of your daily life and improve steadily, step by step not only in your career but also in your personal life Use the code ebook to get a 5 discount: How To Change Your Life
37
38
39