Power Tool Assessment Name: BETH WALLACE Date: NOVEMBER 20, 2012 Student ID: Email: ewcarson@hotmail.

com

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Helping Clients Make Core Changes Due to Taking the Time Thus Creating Meaningful Shifts Versus Knee Jerk Reactions As coaches, we are charged with finding the unique way to help a client find their way to a more fulfilling existence at a certain point in time. Often, he comes to us because he feels stuck, inert, trapped, limited in his ability to see a way to move into any kind of action. It is important to distinguish between the state of actually being stuck, and the state of perceiving oneself to be stuck. Feeling as if he is stuck, although in reality it is simply perception, is a frame of mind. According to Oxford Advanced American Dictionary, the word stuck is defined as unable to move or be moved and in an unpleasant situation that you cannot escape from. Oxfords definition of the word perception is the way something is regarded, understood, or interpreted. Thus a clients self assessment of being stuck is most likely the clients state of mind. If somebody wants to make a change in his state of mind, the coaching process would be applicable. A coach could use several tools to help the client make the changes.

One way of helping the client could start with reframing. This is helping the client to look at his thinking, his understanding of things in his life and how he sees them, discover that his thinking might be limiting himself to move forward. How to do this? An example might be a woman, Jane feels that she cannot get out of bed in the morning since her children have left home for college. She says she feels stuck and without motivation. A conversation might go as follows: Jane: I am tired all the time, I have no purpose anymore, I miss them and have nothing to do that is meaningful now that they are gone. Coach: Could you talk a bit more about this? Jane: I knew what I was supposed to do when they were here, I knew what my days would be like. Now I have nothing to do with my time so I might as well stay in bed. Coach: You have very wonderfully explained your high awareness of why you feel like staying in bed in the morning. That in itself can be your beginning toward making a change if you choose to. Jane: I want to change this, I just do not know how to!? Then is a time to begin a reframing step. Coach: Jane, how would this look to you if you were look at iy differently. If you were to take on the perspective of another person, even somebody you might know or know of who you feel is living a life similar to yours in situation, who seems to be freer to enjoy this stage of life...not that you want to be that person, but I wonder if you could see through anothers eyes what you might see? Jane: Well, I know some women whose daughters left for college a while back. They are different from me. They have always been busy doing things like working or volunteering so they seem to be doing fine. Lesley is heading up something at her church. Coach: So you are saying that Leslie and others have already been busy outside of their homes, and are moving forward doing those activities? Jane: Yes. I wish I had prepared more for this day. I have no idea what to do. Coach: So do you think that Lesley was more prepared since she was already busy? Jane; Yes. Coach: So you are saying that you feel like you are sort of behind? That they are ahead of you, therefore they are handling it better?
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Jane: Yes. Coach: I wonder if you were to see through their eyes, perhaps they might be feeling the same as you, they just are handling it in a different way....is it possible that you are actually grieving the fact that your children have gone away, and that you have a right to feel that way? She goes on to see her grief as appropriate, thus feeling much better about hereself, and the coaching goes from there. Another way to approach it might be to say Can you tell me the dominant feelings you are having regarding this? Jane; I feel sad...I feel lonely...I feel lost, as if the rug has been pulled out from under me. Coach: Once again, you have an enormous awareness in that you can identify how you feel, and even add a descriptive phrase with it....that is a head start, and shows your self awareness. Can you tell me more about the sad feeling? Jane: It feels lonely, I have no purpose, I use to know what I was supposed to do every day...I had a purpose, I have no purpose now. I miss loving on them. Now is the pausing time....perhaps make the homework be to let her mind go to times when she felt stuck before, and see if she can see how she handled it, and see if certain attitudes have hung on, and if some have changed. This is simmering. Letting the experiences simmer in her head, bringing feelings, ideas, questions...for her to write down and simmer on...answers do not matter, it is a way of creating awareness for the client. In the visits to come, the client brings her notes, each time celebrating the things she sees that she learned from, challenging the patterns that seem to reappear that can be changed in this way of seeing it from a different point of view, and going from there. Another example could be a woman, Mary, is highly evolved in her career as a consultant for large businesses who are experiences changes, she helps upper management prepare employees for changes in things such as health care plans, bonus cuts...etc...She is in her second marriage of 3 years, has a preteen and a teen, and a new 1 year old baby girl. She has hired a nanny to help her juggle all. All are still adjusting to the new life, as only a few years ago she was a single working mom of 2 preteens in a small apartment. Life is bigger and better.... or is it? She comes to coach because she finds herself wanting to run away from home and rent a vegetable truck and sell vegetables on the road, which she says in jest, but she is serious about her feeling of wanting to run away
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from all of it...it is too much, working, the new husband and baby, the guilt is overwhelming leaving the baby with a nanny every weekday, and sometimes she works from home, can hear them carrying on, and it is very stirring to her. She is confused, feels like she is unappreciative of how hard she has worked to be at this point, yet is overwhelmed and sleepless at night. She feels that she is stuck in this life she has created, yet the thought of giving it up sounds unacceptable. A tool the coach could use to help the client would be to help the client identify her underlying beliefs. This could be done by: Coach: I applaud you for your hard work, and also looking hard at what success means to you. You came here because you seem to be struggling with the stress your career causes you, and your pull to be with your baby more, and the noise in your life with the new family situation. Mary: I love what I do, and I can work from home some now. I like being able to buy nice things for myself and my children, go on really nice vacations with my family, I do not understand why I am not jumping for joy. I have strive for this my whole life, as I have always known that hard work will take you places. I have worked so hard for this for so long. Coach: Can you talk a little more about your hard work for this? Have you always worked hard? Would you say that not working so hard is an option for you? Mary: Coach, that is not an option. I must always work hard. I have never been able to be mediocre or a b player; I am a high achiever. I think it is because I am the oldest of 5 siblings, and often took care of things when my parents were in a bad situation. Coach: Do you associate not working hard with letting others down? The conversation goes on, and it gets to the underlying belief: If I do not overachieve I am a failure. Coach then gets the chance to ask the client to examine what would happen if she were to allow herself to let go of that pressure, what would that look like to her, the pros and cons.... Now we are at the contemplate/simmer stage. The homework could be for client to write down her responsibilities, and what would happen if she let go of some of them, what would it look like to not be an A TEAM LEADER, and perhaps be a B+ TEAM LEADER....and could things be not so black and white? What is the gray part of living this life? Is there a middle ground she could land on? She now gives herself permission to think in a way that is new to her....this moves her
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towards the shift to come, no matter which way it goes. She gets to see herself in a different light. In doing so, she is moving toward action, becoming more aware of how to live the life she really wants to live. This tool allows a think before acting step in so that the action can come from a solid place, perhaps a change in a core belief, an awareness of a new way to see things, a new permission to move in a different direction. The action is not precipitated by a thought or idea..it is thought through and has become a part of the client. Thus the client not only acts on this particular thing, she has the awareness that changes in her thinking can come from a thought and move into an action. In summary, this tool involves the using the following strategy for a client: help the client to acknowledge her awareness, observe herself in the past, think through what her beliefs are that trigger certain actions, contemplate those beliefs and how they could be thought out and changed to accommodate her new stage in life, examined and sat on for a bit, and then let the shift happen. Soon after, she is ready to take action.

Reflection: 1. 2. 3. Are there any areas in your life where you are feeling stuck? If so, what are they? What have you done, if anything, to address these situations? What have you done in the past when you felt that you were unable to move forward with a situation? Did it work for you? If so, how? If not, what would you do differently this time? 4. Are there people you know that seem to handle difficulties and changes in a way that you admire? Who are these people, and what do you see them doing that you admire? 5. Do you believe that it is possible for you to change how you handle difficult situations in a way that is more self serving, as well as possibly helpful to others? 6. Write down changes you want to make, where you think you are stuck, and how one change can help you move forward. It can be as simple as I am afraid I cannot get a new drivers license, they need too much identification...but I can make one small step. I can google what the requirements are. I can and will do that at 5 30 this evening after work. After that, can you take one more action step? 7. Applaud yourself for pushing yourself even in the smallest way....it just take one step to begin to change an entire universe.

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