Stand up to bullies

By Colette Caddle

LifeStyle
nWORK IT OUT: You deserve not
to have your self-esteem destroyed

FOCUS

School religion is a holy mess

I
But once they start primary school, everything changes. Sean, a Catholic, will go to a Catholic-run institution. Eddie, a Protestant, will go to a Protestant one. They still play together occasionally but now they have new friends from their own community. Now imagine if they had different coloured skin and Sean, a white boy, had to go to a whites only school. And Eddie, from an African background, had to go to a black school. Unimaginable, right? Like apartheid in 1980s South Africa or 1960s Deep South America? And yet dividing children in Northern Ireland on the basis of religion is basically the same thing, surely? Segregated education has been described by the DUP leader Peter Robinson as benign apartheid. His take on this is 100 per cent pure common sense, if you ask me. Robinson pointed out: If ROACHE: Erotic fiction one were to suggest that Protestants and Catholics would be educated at separate universities it would be manifestly absurd; yet we continue to tolerate the idea that at primary and secondary level our children are educated separately. NOT READY for the The sad facts are that rocking chair just almost half of Northern yet, 80-year-old Corrie Irelands children are being star Bill Roache, aka taught in schools where 95 Ken Barlow, is getting per cent or more of the stuck into porn. pupils are of the SAME Hang on to your hankreligion. ies, he wont be starring Here in the south, the in a blue movie but he Catholic Church basically will be reading about controls 95 per cent of all sex as a judge on UTVs primary schools. Lorraine show as they Things are changing, albeit search for a new erotic oh so slowly. fiction author who can Pupil numbers in Educate compete with Fifty Together National Schools in Shades Of Grey. Ireland have exceeded 15,000 Roache is more than for the first time, the qualified for the job, association announced given that he famously yesterday. HURRAH! boasted of having slept The fact that Educate with up to 1,000 women! Together are set to open And considering his secondary schools for the most recent girlfirst time next year is also a friend was almost half really positive move. his age (43-year-old Meanwhile in Northern weather girl Emma Ireland, integrated school Jessop), theres plenty of pupil numbers rose from life in the old boy yet. 8,154 back in 1998 to around Ken Barlow may be the 21,170 in 2011. most boring man on the Northern Irelands box. But Roache most Education Minister, John certainly is not! ODowd, is expecting a report next month from an I leave the last word to advisory group set up to Peter Robinson a product look at shared education. himself, of course, of the Down here, our own segregated Northern Irish Education Minister Ruairi education system. Quinn is asking parents in I believe that future certain selected schools if generations will scarcely they want the patronage of believe that such division their board to change. and separation was common I urge anyone with an for so long. The reality is interest in secular education that our education system is to log onto educatetogether. a benign form of apartheid, ie and get involved in which is fundamentally creating a more pluralistic damaging to our society. class environment for all. Hear hear.

A voice for Irish women

MOIRA HANNON
THE IRISH DAILY STAR, Wednesday January 30 2013

57

MAGINE TWO little children growing up side by side in Northern Ireland. Sean and Eddie are best pals who do everything together, including going to the local Montessori three mornings a week.

WE MUST ALL ADOPT A ZERO TOLERANCE APPROACH SAYS TOP-SELLING AUTHOR

WILL never forget some years ago hearing a man tell a radio presenter he had come close to taking his own life earlier that day.
Some may simply have learned at an early stage that their size, strength, or quick tongue was the only effective tool they had to fight their corner. Some may be bullies at work but be completely different outside the office. And then there is the psychopathic bully who is a callous, vindictive, controlling individual with little or no empathy or concern for the victim. Unlike in childhood, workplace bullies are often operating within the company guidelines. This makes it harder for them to be dealt with and as the definition above explains, the term bullying encompasses a vast range of inappropriate behaviours. Some bullies will belittle victims opinions or humiliate them in front of peers or clients. Some will undermine personal integrity or not acknowledge good work. Some will indulge in destructive innuendo or sarcasm, make inappropriate jokes or persistently tease, insult or intimidate. And then there are the more subtle forms of bullying such as withholding information necessary for victims to do their job properly and generally keeping them out of the loop; allocating meaningless tasks; taking away responsibilities; shifting the goal posts without warning or setting impossible deadlines. As is the case for my protagonist, Lynn, and the lady I talked to, moving on isnt easy. When a person has been undermined relentlessly over a prolonged period, it can have damaging psychological and physical effects. Sadly there will always be bullies, we cant change that. But we can change how we deal with them. The greatest incentive for companies to take this issue as seriously as it demands is the cost to them in terms of litigation and sick days. Its not only the victims who may suffer. Witnessing bullying can be very stressful and result in illhealth or create an atmosphere that can have a negative impact on the productivity of the business; who wants to spend every day in an atmosphere charged with fear or intimidation? But we cant just leave this problem at the feet of those at the top. We must all get involved and adopt a zero tolerance approach. We must police each other and not be afraid to point out when we think a colleague has gone a step too far. And we must examine our own behaviour too; do we show colleagues and staff the respect and common courtesy that every human being deserves? If as adults we dont step up to the plate and deal with this insidious problem, what kind of example are we setting our children and what legacy are we leaving them? l From This Moment On by Colette Caddle is published by Simon & Schuster. Order online now at Amazon.com or in bookstores from this Thursday RRP e14.99 Visit the authors website at colettecaddle.com or follow her on Twitter @colettecaddle

He was the victim of bullying and as he made his way to work that morning hed been wondering in what way his boss would manage to humiliate him today. As he drove along the quays of the Liffey in Dublin he thought, momentarily, how easy it would be to just drive into the water and end it all. Thoughts of his wife and children stopped him but the shock that it had seriously crossed his mind prompted him to call in to the radio show. I often wonder what happened to him and if he dealt with his problem; lets hope so. Usually when we think of bullying we think of children but it is just as common in the workplace and men can be on the receiving end as much as women. My new book, From This Moment On, opens after an employer settles a case out of court with a girl who has been bullied by her boss. Despite having been vindicated however, she finds it hard to move on. When I was researching this subject, I found that this was often the case. Many adults feel like failures because they werent able to cope with the situation and sometimes blame themselves more than the bully. SUBJECT: One woman told me that she found it so Colette Caddle difficult to explain, even to herself, what (right) touches was going on that she waited over a year before finally reporting it to her HR on the topic of department. When she did, their solution workplace was to move her to another department bullying in her away from the job that she loved. She finally left but it took another year of new novel counselling and anti-depressants before she From This got her life back on track. Moment On This all happened some years ago but (cover above) bullying in the workplace seems as prevalent now as it was then. But its not always easy to identify the problem and even the professionals have struggled to come up with a definition of work-place bullying. The best I could find was from Washington psychologists, Gary and Ruth Namie. repeated, health-harming mistreatment, verbal abuse, or conduct which is threatening, humiliating, intimidating, or sabotage that interferes with work or some combination of the three. But what makes a bully? Some may well have psychological problems including feelings of inferiority or inadequacy and difficulty in relating to others.

Fifty shades of thrills, Bill

l