Power Tool Assessment Name: Chloe Moodley Date: August 16, 2012 Student ID: Email: chloetimo@aol.

com

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Happiness vs. Disappointment

The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depend upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom. ~Plato Children are happy because they don't have a file in their minds called All the Things That Could Go Wrong. ~Marianne Williamson

Fleeting moments can bring us to a place of sheer delight or pleasure; all it takes is a catalyst to change our day from dull and dreary to fun and exciting. It could be a few words, a song, a laughing baby, or fireworks that can spark happiness. The sensational rush of good news, the awaited declarations of love, the comforting hugs that fill the empty space, can all change the energy of a moment into a life-changing event. This event is called happiness. The decision to be happy can result in happiness at any given moment you choose to be happy. Living in the present moment and being thankful for what you have is the greatest form of happiness. When we appreciate what we have instead of thinking of what we dont have, we live in state of happiness and not in a state of wanting. In life we want more of everything and when we get more, we are never satisfied. Therefore what we want doesnt bring happiness. We spend our waking moments thinking of the negative things in our lives, replaying them over and over again or we exaggerate the current situation in our lives and finally, we think about things in the future that may never occur. We cannot change yesterday or what happened five minutes ago. We cannot predict the future or what may or may not happen tomorrow. BUT we can change this moment by being fully present and fully engaged. By focusing on whats happening right now, and shifting our perspective to finding the opportunity or the great lesson in life, we move out of the realm of disappointment into the circle of happiness. I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasnt arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and Im going to be happy in it. ~ Groucho Marx Two employees were up for their semi-annual evaluations. Ted was confident that he was a great worker and a team player. He expected Exceeds Expectations but received Meets Expectations which countered his beliefs about his productivity. Nick was also confident that he was doing a great job and considered himself a team player as well. He expected Meets Expectations and instead he received Exceeds Expectations. Ted was disappointed and felt it was an unfair evaluation. For a few days he complained and moped around until he decided to do something about it. Instead of continuing down his negative path, he became proactive and began to use all his resources to excel at his job, making Employee of the Month. Nick on the other hand, was ecstatic and celebrated for the whole week thinking that he can now take a break. As a result he missed an important client deadline and was reprimanded for his carelessness. When we take happiness for granted we may lose it like Nick did. In these small moments we have pleasure but this is usually short lived unless we make a choice to extend the length of happiness. To have long lasting happiness we need to accept the fact that we all face challenges and discover flaws. Life is not without disappointments but we
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can deal with them. Ted chose to deal with the situation by using it to explore new avenues and greater opportunities. Happiness is the ability to cope with life. According to Merriam-Websters Online Dictionary, happiness is a state of well-being and contentment, a pleasurable or satisfying experience. Therefore the absence of happiness is discontentment and an unsatisfying experience that brings disappointment. In life, happiness is equated with success and getting what we want. However this is a farce, as the songwriter puts it Money cant buy me love. So what really makes people happy? Ask someone who has lost a loved one or someone who doesnt know where his next meal is coming from or someone who has been diagnosed with an incurable disease. Life-changing events determine the level of our happiness and our appreciation of life. The three most common things people associate with happiness are family and friends, good health and security about the future. The three most common things people associate with disappointments are family and friends, bad health and insecurity about the future. How is it that the same three things that bring us happiness can also bring us disappointments as well?

Self Application
OUR CHOICE We make the choice to create happiness. Understanding human strengths and weaknesses are key to learning new ways to either deal with issues, recover from situations or prevent them from happening. Knowing that every person responds differently to external stimuli creates an awareness that reduces the chance of conflict. Change begins with us rather than the other person. BEING THANKFUL One of the greatest forms of happiness is being thankful for what we have at any given moment. Instead of focusing on what we dont have or what we could have or what may happen, we can focus on the present moment. Allowing ourselves to become consumed with the past, places us in a state of disappointment. Being consumed with the future rather than the present, places us in a state of want. As a result we neglect the things that are important. LOVING OURSELVES We create our own emotions. For example, we feel love when we love ourselves first and then others. We can only trust others when we trust ourselves first. We can only respect others when we respect ourselves first. This is the secret to happiness. Loving ourselves, trusting ourselves and respecting ourselves without the approval of others is the beginning of long lasting happiness. Understanding that we have to be at peace with ourselves first is fundamental in creating happiness. If we dont believe in ourselves, nobody else will. But it doesnt stop there. Showing love without expecting to receive
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anything in return is an indicator of a happy contented person. Practicing the art of active listening paves the way for trust and respect. EXPECTATIONS Although we live in an amazing age of technology, there are so many unhappy, disappointed people walking around. It could be an unhappy relationship because of high expectations or just didnt work out as planned. It could be a breakdown in communication because someone is not actively listening or empathizing. Or maybe a desire to own a bigger home and a better car that means long hours at work and less time spent with family or incurring debt by living beyond our means. Or we could be watching the television and without realizing it, we start comparing ourselves to someone with a great body or flawless skin. These feelings of dissatisfaction lead to a decreased level of happiness. Its the expectation we put on ourselves or others to deliver, and when it doesnt materialize, disappointment sets in. You begin to feel miserable and happiness disappears. Consider Ted for a moment. He could have continued complaining and moping around. He could have thought to himself Why should I care?. He could have given up and stayed disappointed. But he used this experience to turn his disappointment around to do better and excel, resulting in happiness. OPPORTUNITIES Every disappointment is an opportunity for happiness. If we are happy 100% of the time how would we ever be able to experience the joy of true happiness? It takes a moment of disappointment to create a lifetime of happiness. All negative emotions have a purpose. Its the key to survival. Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them. ~Steve Maraboli The story we have heard so many times about the farmer's donkey that fell into a well: The donkey cried but the farmer couldnt get him out. The farmer decided he was too old and wasnt worth saving. He decided to cover him up with dirt. The farmer invited the neighbors to help him shovel dirt into the well. After a while, the donkey stopped crying. When the farmer looked down the well, he saw that with each shovel of dirt, the donkey shook it off and stepped on it. The farmer continued to shovel dirt and the donkey kept on shaking it off and stepping on it. Finally the donkey stepped up and out of the well. Life is full of disappointments. What we need to do is use the same disappointment as a stepping stone to our freedom and happiness. We can allow disappointments to take away our happiness or we can create happiness by using every circumstance as a bridge to our success. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. ~Dr. Seuss
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Coaching Application
Happiness involves positive emotions and an attitude that life is worthwhile. People are looking for long lasting happiness. Finding the catalyst that makes the shift is the turning point from negative emotions to a positive mindset. The move from disappointment to happiness is the choice of the client. It is one they have to make. When they learn to see beyond the situation, they begin to create happiness. Getting a client to express gratitude for the fundamentals things in life causes them to appreciate what they have, and not focus on what they dont have. Creating an awareness of living in the present moment and changing the dynamic of that moment is monumental to raising the happiness bar. Instead of being in a state of want, they progress to a state of satisfaction. Positive emotions are created thereby driving the client towards the state of happiness. They begin to love, trust and respect themselves. Happiness is created. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. ~Aristotle

Reflection
1. What are you grateful for in your life? 2. What defines happiness for you? 3. How would you rate your happiness level on a scale from 1-5? 1 = not really happy 2 = somewhat happy 3 = happy 4 = very happy 5 = extremely happy 4. What is one thing you can do to shift to the next level of happiness? 5. How would you like happiness to look in your life? 6. What can you do to move past the disappointment? 7. What would happen if you move past the disappointment? 8. What are some of the ways you can create your positive emotions?

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References
1. "Book Excerpt: Authentic Happiness." ABC News. ABC News Network, 02 Sept. 0000. Web. 16 Aug. 2012. <http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=125797>. 2. BrainyQuote. Xplore, n.d. Web. 16 Aug. 2012. <http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/happiness_2.html>. 3. "Happiness." Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 16 Aug. 2012. <http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/happiness>. 4. Hsieh, Tony. Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose. New York: Business Plus, 2010. Print.

Copyright 2006 International Coach Academy Pty. Ltd. Use is governed by the Terms and Conditions at http://www.icoachacademy.com Last updated Feb 2006