Ignorance Knows No Bounds (A True fantasy) When I first left Kansas and landed in Oz I was mesmerized.

I thought what a wonderful place, so beautiful, so interesting, such bright colors, and fascinating people. So much was new, so much I had never imagined. And the Munchkins were so cute, quaint. And to get anywhere, there was only one way to go to get there, Follow the yellow brick road. So simple, Why didnt I think of that? With Toto in tow I wound myself round and was off to see the wizard. I found a friend the inquisitive sort but nothing was sure and soon became a bore So Toto in tow, and one friend mo, down the road we did go off to see the wizard Such beautiful apples a delight to the eye and good to eat (didnt I hear this myth in Kansas) maybe they can make us wise and we can know But they were corporate property and not to be had easily so dumb shit straw head started a tiff nothing too big mind you just enough to piss off the corpos and to placate us they tossed some budgeted consumer good will merchandise at us and a non-transferable, ten percent off the purchase of any of their over inflated regularly priced goods, limited time only, redeemable at any of their franchised outlets coupon. But there was too much fine print to fit on the coupon, and we didnt have a lawyer to interpret it all for us so we went looking for the Wicked Witch of the West so we could cram it up her ass. We found the witch, but she was a tight ass, so after getting a bit burned, we flipped her the bird, and Toto in tow, with my friend Moe, and a few wise apples, down the road we did go, off to see the wizard. Oh, I almost forgot we came across this hollow dude just sort of hangin out (its easy to forget about hollow dudes). I think hed been stuck there for a while I think he had experienced some sort of emotional trauma didnt like to talk about it very much and we didnt push the issue But we gave him a bit of moral support .. Asked if he wanted to join the band (he was a hell of a metal drummer) and Toto in tow, a Hollow Dude, Moe, and yours truly by this time we had consumed the apples down the road we did go off to see the wizard Not is all cool along this endless highway we passed through some underdeveloped depressed areas god damn friggin cop webs every fuckin place OH excuse me that should have been cob webs mustnt confuse the issue or malign those so nobly dedicated to protect and to serve And watch out for the fat cats the slum lords we ran into one tried to bully us I think they call it extortion he sounded real tough but he was really a pussy had this strange fascination with tails .. particularly his own but we figured hed be good to help guard our asses we found out later he made a damn good lead singer so Toto in tow, Hollow Dude, Moe, Pussy and Yo yours truly down the road we did go off to see the wizard I dont know what got into Tight Ass, but she really had a tude. But you got to give her credit; she had some connections to some really good shit I mean kick ass brain

numbing stuff. Yo- yours truly, Pussy, and even Toto got absolutely wasted fucked up but damn those dreams were amazing Hollow Dude got all emotional and reverted back to his former post-traumatic condition and was useless Moe ran around like a chicken with its head cut off I suppose its all the same He never did have too much upstairs Then what would you think This God damn Miss Goody Two Shoes fairy angel has to stick her nose into our stuff and do what SHE decides is best for us, waves her fuckin wand, hides the stash, replaces it with some snow NO ..no .. no I mean snow you know the white shit that falls from the sky the cold stuff not the nose stuff Damn religious do gooders I thought I left all that back in Kansas Any way we get our heads back together gave Hollow Dude emotional support .. and headed up the road off to see the wizard (bet you thought I was going to do the Toto in tow routine well the songs not over yet) Well we made it to the Forbidden City real uptight, nervous, defensive control freaks these citizens in the green Dont get me wrong once they let us in they were nice enough but talk about fear and unable to think for themselves sheesh My God sure they had all these fancy services and weird horses that could trip your mind but anything that was new or not usual to the Forbidden City they went into a tizzy Get this Tight Ass is flyin round oh Id say about a thousand feet up I think she had some really special stuff that her and her fellow bitches ahhhh witches can get but shes up there I mean really smokin That broom was really doin a number And these green freaks are scared shitless I mean scared shitless Youd think theyve never seen anybody ever enter an altered state of consciousness and connect with their higher inner self and realize an out of body experience Well maybe they havent but to go into a tizzy over it And all they could do was cower and cry The wizard will know, lets see the wizard I dont know but this wizard guy really had this place by the balls or so it would appear And whats so weird is Nobody can see the wizard not nobody no how At least thats the line you are handed at the door And these dumb shits the wizard surrounds himself with they dont know whether theyre coming or going But I have a suspicion a theory I dont think anybody around the wizard knows because the wizard doesnt know Of course at this particular time that was just a theory and since I had shared it with Moe, Hollow Dude and Pussy it was written off as a conspiracy theory But this WIZ he knew how to intimidate Ole Pussy shit himself running to the john at least thats where I think he was running to Any way the WIZ turned out to be an ass nothing new there .. most of them are I think but WIZ was a wiz of an ass and had this fetish for Tight Asses broom stick I think they had some kind of a kinky relationship and he wanted a keep sake You know something to connect with make it a little easier to get into the fantasy Well we went looking for Tight Ass little did we know we were under surveillance Not the WIZ (although if he could have he would have) but Tight Ass she had the cctv system that seemed to be everywhere Damn at one time it was zeroing in on Kansas I can only say it was a god damn good thing her and the WIZ broke up can you imagine those kind of power tools in the hands of unscrupulous ego maniacs

well just thank your lucky stars this is just a fantasy I hate to think it might be real would be up shits creek hmmm hmmm hmmm Well Tight Ass got her bead on us and who the hell knows where she got them but she had all these flying monkeys I mean ugly dudes maybe there were a few dudettes but they were still ugly Damn ugly How ugly? DAMN ugly Im not real sure but I believe these were the demons that the jolly green folk may have been so scared shitless of They sure fit the profile That may explain the break up with the WIZ green folk cant handle too much weird stuff throws them all off balance they need regularity a place for everything and everything in its place but please . Dont make the mistake of letting them clean your home if you are sick and cant yourself you wont be able to find shit theyll know where they put things and theyll assume you should know but you have to love them and forgive them they mean well but sometimes they like to assume they can rearrange your home as if it were their home but dont be afraid to kick their asses out Any way back to our fantasy The monkeys really made a mess of things Poor ole Moe is scattered all over the place straw men can be pretty flimsy but I guess they serve a purpose but if you ask me a little bit phony (but keep that to yourself) we wouldnt want to hurt anyones feelings The monkeys grabbed yours truly and Toto and spirited us away to some dingy detention center for an interview. Tight Ass was trying all her psychological interrogation techniques and was about to prepare for the water boarding I admit I was starting to get scared and that cctv system you know I think Tight Ass must have some sort of borg implant because she can be flyin who knows where and keep her eye on you scary shit indeed Toto managed to make a break and hooked up with Moe, Hollow Dude and Pussy. They decided to infiltrate the ranks of Tight Asses military... kind of a covert operation They got in and followed Toto to break me out. Now the shit starts to hit the fan fuckin Marx brothers movie it was Youd think the military would have their shit together but I suppose when you have a Tight Ass in charge you can only expect so much then again maybe it wasnt the military but the Tight Ass in charge dont matter Well we were cornered no way out of this one Moe was getting burned this was desperate Some how out of somewhere this presumed bucket of water appears I say presumed because thats what I thought it was Trying to douse the flames consuming Moe (straw men make great fires) Tight Ass got soaked It was then that I realized that this bucket of water was actually a bucket of sulfuric acid well Tight Ass and the acid didnt mix too well just be careful to step around the puddle We got the broom stick and made it back to WIZ But WIZ was waffling Lying bastard tried to crawfish But Toto aint no dumb huckleberry that dog got smarts and what should appear from behind the curtain Well If it isnt Professor fucking Marvel the Flim Flam man well well well

Well PfM got exposed and made a cunning exit Moe, Hollow Dude and Pussy took control of the Forbidden City yours truly found Miss Goody Two Shoes and told her to forget the going back to Kansas crap I just wanted the rest of the really good shit she snatched and get out of my life to which she complied And I lived happily ever after but Im not so sure of the residents of the Forbidden City because since they didnt pay attention to the man behind the curtain they ended up with a straw man, a hollow dude and a pussy running the show So if there is a moral to this story I think it would be this Pay attention to the man behind the curtain because even in the land of OZ Ignorance Knows No Bounds flim flam, straw man, hollow man, pussy sounds like a sure combination for political success Bob Coubchenour bobcouchenour@msn.com