Power Tool Assessment Name: Pramod Nigam Date: 26th October, 2012 Student ID: 187577995 (F2F, Bangalore,

I Batch, Jan 2012) Email: pramod.nigam@gmail.com

Complete your Power Tool in the space below. Then email this document as an attachment to assessment@icoachacademy.com

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Anger vs. Gratitude Introduction As a coach we always work on improving the positive emotions such as forgiveness and Gratitude to help the client harness his energy in a more constructive manner. Anger vs. Forgiveness has been is quite familiar to coaches. However, there could be an opportunity in some relationship where Anger could be transformed into gratitude which could lead to better status for the client What is Anger? Anger is an emotion related to one's psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied and a tendency to react through retaliation. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. The external expression of anger can be found in facial expressions, body language, physiological responses, and at times in public acts of aggression. Uncontrolled anger can, however, negatively affect personal or social well-being What is Gratitude? Gratitude, thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation is a feeling or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive. The experience of gratitude has historically been a focus of several world religions, and has been considered extensively by moral philosophers such as Adam Smith. The systematic study of gratitude within psychology only began around the year 2000, possibly because psychology has traditionally been focused more on understanding distress rather than understanding positive emotions. However, with the advent of the positive psychology movement, gratitude has become a mainstream focus of psychological research. Anger & Gratitude It is difficult for anger and gratitude to reside in the same heart. Practically speaking, the two are opposites. Gratitude is both a sentiment and a manifestation. Anger, on the other hand, is its own sentiment and manifestation. Gratitude and anger are to each other as water and fire. Anger is like fire in that it is something that feeds off itself and any flammable resources. It spreads and spreads. It is dissipated only by way of removing the air or flammable materials. It is extinguished by water. Gratitude is like water in that it nourishes, lubricates, and cools the person. And, gratitude extinguishes anger. It takes much more anger to evaporate the water of gratitude than the reverse. Case Study Vivek is a young middle level manager in large IT Services Company. He is a management graduate, has studied in a reputed school, and has a good job and a successful in career. He has a nagging problem that continuously bother him. His father was very strict with him, always wanted him to focus only on studies and so he did not get time to take up sports or any other leisure activity. This anger and negative thought bothers him often and he is not able to overcome this. He brings this issue to the coach in a coaching session.
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Coach listens to his problem, underlying issues and feelings. Client has a lot of pent up anger within and it affecting him. He often discusses this with his brother who also shares the same thoughts. He feels that he could not enjoy his childhood and adolescence days like many of his friends did. - He and his brother often discuss this. - One major fall out is that he and his wife discuss this often and say that they will not be strict with their children and will not enforce such discipline on their children Coach explores his current status, his achievements in career, life, etc. He seems to be happy what he has achieved in terms of education, job, career progression, etc and is proud that he has studied well and because of that he has got a job in a good organization and is doing well Coach at this stage decided to use Perceptual Positioning as a tool. He asks the client to sit in another chair. He then asks client to think of old days and think like his father and what he would feel and say. Once in his fathers shoes, shows concern about his sons future, wants him to focus on studies and dont waste time on other things. He is concerned that if does not focus on studies well, he may do well in life. Coach then asks the client to come back to his original chair and be his present self. He then asks his to review his position and comment. He now says that what his father did was right and it is because of that he has been to reach where he is today. Coach asks him as to what he would like to do next and how would he like to close this issue and move forward. Client at this stage said that he wants to express his gratitude to his father as to what he did was right for him at that time. Coach probed further as to when he would like to do this? He replied that he would do so at the earliest opportunity when he visits his father. A few weeks later, he got a call that his father is unwell and is hospitalized. He went to meet his father and spent a few days with his father at the hospital. On his return he shared with Coach that he had broached the topic of his childhood with his father and expressed his gratitude to his father to what he had done with him to make him achieve what he is today. He now feels quite light and relieved and says those negative and anger thought dont bother his anymore. Self Application There are many instances, in our day to day life and at workplaces, where we have been angry and shown some sort of resentment, but when we introspect and reflect on the same over a period of time, we believe our anger was not justified, but instead it helped us with an opportunity to grow. This happens in relationship with our parent, teachers, bosses, peers, etc. One of the classical examples could be based on our appraisals with our bosses - we may have been angry with certain comments or weaknesses highlighted, but taking it positively and working diligently on these areas over a period of time, we were able to convert these drawbacks into our strengths. And, then we realize that we owe our current status to some of the feedback from our past bosses! What should we do when faced with hurt, anger or disappointment? We can choose to react differently by talking responsibility for your own emotions and feelings. We do this in full awareness that others do not cause your feelings - you choose your own.
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Lets us introspect - think of two people who have hurt us, made us angry or let us down recently now ask ourselves - what is my anger doing to me? Do I feel happy holding on to it? Does it make me feel happier? Does it improve my sleep? Is my life better, richer, more meaningful because of my resentment? Is the answer to all the above questions is NO then lets take a courageous decision to move forward. Reflections - Do you get such negative thought or carry Anger within you? - Do you want to forgive the person? - Do you want to express gratitude to someone instead of being angry?

Coaching Applications As a coach when you come across a client having such issue then listen to issue and what is bothering him. Explore further how this is affecting him, what is the underlying belief the client has, etc. Coach should then explore through tool or questioning from different perspectives so that the client understands and reviews the cause for anger. Coach through gentle questing can help the client to transform anger to forgiveness or gratitude. Coach can ask probing questions such as: What is the current reality? How is anger affecting him? What is the underlying issue? What was the reason behind the action of the other person (who is he angry with)? Can use a tool so that client can see things from a different perspective. After seeing different perspectives, is he ready to move on and close the issue? How would he like to close the issue? Is he ready to forgive? Should she feel thankful / grateful to the person now? Explore action plan and time frame. Reflections - What if the client is not ready to close the issue? - Which other tool can be used to transform from Anger to Gratitude? - How can you help client choose between forgiveness & Gratitude References 1. Invite A Moment of Calm JP Vaswani, An article in The Speaking Tree from The Times Of India 2. Anger definition from Wikipedia on Internet 3. Gratitude definition from Wikipedia on Internet 4. Perceptual Positioning Tool details from ICA reading material and notes from classes

Copyright 2006 International Coach Academy Pty. Ltd. Use is governed by the Terms and Conditions at http://www.icoachacademy.com Last updated Feb 2006