Final Paper

It is well known that translating is a difficult task, even more when it has to do with poetic translation. However, there are some translators who still devote time to do such a difficult thing. In class, we have tried to analyze different poems and their translations by different poet-translators and we have learnt that there are many problems that a poet-translator must overcome. These problems are indeed very different and involve many notions like lexical items, context, musicality, distance, rhyme, meter, free verse etc. It is true that sometimes poet-translators cannot solve the difficulties they are confronted with and, as a consequence, they render poor quality versions of the original into a new language. But, it is also true that sometimes we can find great versions of some poems which are worthwhile reading, even in our mother tongue. In this paper, I set out to analyze 4 poems in their original language and also the means by which each poet-translator wrote his or her version of the original poem in a new language. The first poem I am going to analyze is I Died for Beauty by Emily Dickinson. In this poem, the persona is probably a woman who recently died for beauty. In another tomb next to hers, there is another person, a man, who died for truth. They start a conversation and talk about the reasons why they died and they end up saying that they are brethren. They continue talking as kinsmen until death stops their conversation and erases their identity when the moss reaches their lips and covers up their names. In my opinion, this poem is about the connection between truth and beauty which are qualities that extol humankind. Perhaps, Dickinson wanted to say that people died to defend these values throughout history and that these values made us brothers. However, the end of the poem is shocking. The issue of death which is addressed at the beginning of the poem is taken again in the last two lines. Apparently, different aspects of human life like ideals, feelings, even identity seem to be erased by mute and cold death. In this poem Dickinson used plenty of imagery. There are some images of sound. For example, we can listen to people talking. Then, we

have visual images. For example, the tombs, the rooms, the moss, the lips and even peoples names on their tombstones. This poem has a regular meter and musicality is achieved through the use of rhyme. For instance, the second with the fourth line in the first stanza, then, the third line in the first stanza with the first line in the second. Then, the second line in the second stanza with the first line in the fourth stanza and the first line in the second stanza with the last line in the fourth stanza. Dickinson also uses metaphors to refer to the tombs. She used the words: room line 4 and rooms line 10. She also used the words at night line 9 to refer to the fact that they were in their tombs and the word names line 12 to refer to their tombstones. There are also some cases of parallelism. For example, in the first stanza: died for beauty line 1 and died for truth line 3. Dickinson also used a comparison in her poem. For instance, in line 9 as kinsmen. As regards the translation of the poem made by Garca Gayo, we can say for sure that it is a literal one. There is an attempt to respect the original distribution of lines on the paper. However, it is not very strict. In his poem, lines tend to be longer than in the original. In his version, there are some cases of parallelism as in the original. For example, in line 1 mor por la belleza and line 3 haba muerto por la verdad. In the translation by Garca Gayo there is also an example of comparison in line 9 como parientes. It is interesting that the question mark line in line 5 in the original is omitted in the version by Garca Gayo which may cause a change in intonation and as a consequence in the musicality of the poem. Garca Gayo uses metaphors just as Dickinson did. For example, he chose the words los cuartos line 10 and nombres line 12 to refer to the tombs. Perhaps, he chose the words camara contigua line 4 to refer to the tomb in order to avoid repetition but it sound strange nonetheless. With respect to meter, Garca Gayo simply tried to translate each line as it was written in the original poem without paying attention to the musicality of the poem. As for rhyme, we said that Dickinson used rhyme in her poem. However, Garca Gayo did not attempt to make line rhyme. He simply translated the words so when we read his version we feel we are reading something just for the purpose of learning the meaning of words. In the translation of the poem,

there is a problem that I think has to do lexis in the first two lines. In the original, it seems that the meaning is that in the tomb beauty was scarce since she was adjusted in there. But in the translation, the meaning is completely different since the word apenas line 1 changes the meaning. As I mentioned before, Garca Gayo simply made a literal translation of the poem which neglects the musicality that the poem has. The second poem I am going to analyze is Sonnet LXI: Since Theres No Help by Michael Drayton. When I first read this poem I immediately thought about a couple that is breaking up. The persona apparently is willing to say goodbye to his beloved and never see her again since they shake hands forever and cancel all their vows. It seems that the persona loves his beloved but at the same time feels bitterness because they have to part. However, there is room for hope since the persona says when we meet at any time again line 6 which shows they might be together in the future. In the third quatrain, we see the persona dying which could be a metaphor for their love which is coming to an end. In the final couplet, we see that at the end of his life she could bring him from death to life. From my point of view, this is a great example of a dramatic poem about love. There is a couple that has to face the end of their love. This is showed in line 1 let us kiss and part. There are mixed feelings when we look at what the man says: And I am glad, yea glad with all my heart line 3. However, they might come together in the future as I mentioned before. In the third quatrain, the words his pulse failingwhen faith is kneeling by his bed of death and innocence is closing up his eyes indicate that he is about to die. In the final couplet, we see that she can bring him from death to life: from death to life thou mightst him yet recover line 14. This poem is an English sonnet which is composed of three quatrains and a final couplet, with a rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg. The meter is fixed and there is use of rhyme. It is a beautiful poem in terms of musicality. There are plenty of visual images. We can see them kissing, parting, shaking hands. We can even see him dying as he closes his eyes. There is also use of personification. For example, when faith is kneeling line 11 refers to a priest kneeling by his bed. In the first stanza, there is an example of reiteration in line 3 And I am glad, yea glad with all my heart

With respect to the translation of the poem made by Rafael Alberto Arrieta, he succeeded in writing a version of the original poem which respects the form of the original English sonnet. There is a great work in each quatrain where we can sense the musicality of the poem due to the great work done to achieve musicality through the use of rhymes. As for the meter, it is obviously fixed. As for the distribution of lines on the paper, Arrieta clearly divided each quatrain and the final couplet. It is interesting the use of punctuation in the translation of the poem. It is clearly different from the original. For example, in Arrietas version of the poem there are more full stops which coincide with the end of a thought. Exclamation marks are also used and they really add something to the musicality when we listen to the poem in Spanish. Some commas have been omitted since they are not needed in Spanish as well. In the final couplet, three dots were used since in Spanish they indicate that the idea is not finished and we expect something more. In this way, the last line in the couplet becomes stronger also because of the use of exclamation marks. In order to write the translation of this English sonnet Arrieta had to work very hard. He faced many difficulties. For example, meter, rhyme, form, meaning, etc. However, he respected the original poem. He was able to write a poem following the conventions for an English sonnet. He did so because he is creative and eloquent in his own language and because he is really aware of the metrical forms. Arrieta did not worry about the literal translation. He was not thinking of individual words that should be translated. In my opinion, he was more concerned about the fact that we could experience the same a person reading the original poem would. I think he succeeded. Perhaps, some of the major difficulties were in the second quatrain. For example, the third line in the quatrain si nos enfrenta el tiempo, cunta ha sido has a somewhat different meaning in the original poem as well as the words no sera nada line 8 which sound very strange. Maybe these are the weakest points in the translation. But I think Arrieta had no other choice. He used those words to keep the rhyme. As I see it, it was a great translation. The third poem in my list is: Anthem for Doomed Youth by Wilfred Owen. In this poem the persona is talking about the doomed youth. In the first

line of the poem we get to know that young people die as cattle line 1 that is why the author chose the words passing-bells line 1 and orisons line 4 which suggest that young people are dead. Then, the author of the poem probably speaks about the horror of war since he mentions the monstrous anger of guns line 2. In the second stanza, there is a reference to young people coming from different places: no mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bell; line 5 and and bugles calling for them from sad shires line 8. The last two stanzas apparently refer to a funeral ritual. This is suggested in line 9 what candles may be held to speed them all? and in the words from line 11 the holy glimmers of goodbyes. In the last stanza, there is an even clearer reference to some funeral ritual. We can see this in the choice of words: pall line 12, flowers line 13 and each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds line 14. In my opinion, this poem has to do with the terrible sorrow people feel when young people die, especially in a war. It conveys a strong feeling of sadness because it speaks about the last goodbyes. The tone of this poem is that of sadness and bitterness and also loneliness which is expressed in the first two stanzas, for example, in line 6 and 7 nor any voice of mourning save the choirs, the shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells. Owen used a lot of comparisons. For example, he compares the church bells with the noise of a gun-fire; the prayers with the rapid rifle fire; the choirs with the wailing of shells. Owen made use of anaphora in several occasions. For example, in the second quatrain No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells. As for the distribution of lines on the paper, Owen divided the fourteen lines of this sonnet into two stanzas of 4 lines and two more stanzas of 3 lines each. The rhyme scheme is ABAB CDCD EFFE /GG, which differs slightly from the classical Elizabethan sonnets, whose rhyme scheme are ABAB CDCD EFEF / GG. Musicality is achieved through the use of rhyme as well as through the use of alliteration. For example, in line 1 what passing-bells for these who die as cattle? there is repetition of the s sound. Then, there is repetition of the sound r in line 3 only the shuttering rifles rapid rattle. As for meter, it is fixed. There are plenty of images of sound. For example, passing-bells line 1, no prayers nor bells line 5, demented choirs of wailing shells line 10 just to

mention some. There are also visual images. For instance, in the last two stanzas we can see: candles line 9, hands of boys and their eyes line 10. We can also see: flowers line 13. There is use of metaphors. For example in line 14 each slow dusk may mean each death and the words a drawing-down of blinds may mean peoples mourning for the death. With regard to Arrietas translation of the poem, he respected the original form. In fact, he also wrote a sonnet. He even distributed the lines in the same way Owen did. Arrieta worked hard on the rhymes and as a consequence he achieved to give musicality to the poem. The meter is also fixed in his translation. Arrietas translation is not a literal one at all. I think he is concerned about respecting the original form of the poem as well as the musicality the original poem had. In the translation of the poem we have images of sound as well as visual images. For example, we can see this in line 3 solo un tartamudeo desgranado de rifles and raudas oraciones line 4. In the second quatrain there are more images of sound. For instance, in line 5 clamor de campanillas. As for visual images, we can see them for example, in line 10 and 11 no en la mano, en los ojos encendida tendrn los nios luz de despedida. In Arrietas poem there are some cases of personification. For example, in line 3 un tartamudeo desgranado de rifles and in line 6 and 7 salvo los dementes chillidos de un coral de proyectiles. With respect to punctuation, Arrieta uses commas more often than Owen which coincide with the end of an idea or thought whereas semicolons are frequently omitted in the translation of the poem. This difference may be due to the fact that the two languages are just different. In Arrietas version of the poem we have a lot of work on meaning. Since it is not a literal translation meaning is somewhat different. For example, in line 6 ni ayes ni rezos is different from line 6 in the original poem nor any voice of mourning. As I mentioned before Arrieta could not avoid some loss when writing his version of the original poem. In spite of this, I think it is a very good version because he respected the form of the original keeping rhyme and a fixed meter which is crucial when reading a sonnet.

The last poem I am going to analyze is Sonnet XXIX by William Shakespeare. In this poem the persona is probably a man who reflects about himself. We get to know that this man is sad and feels unlucky. It seems he is not happy about his fortune and fate and he finds himself alone, without any friend. However, there is still place for hope since the sonnet ends with a positive affirmation that the poet can fight against his anguish with the "sweet love" he mentions in the final couplet, line 13. It is interesting that we do not know the reason for his anguish since it is not mentioned in the poem. However, the poem reveals something common to everyone: love is what makes our lives worthwhile. It is that special that we should never change it for anything. This poem is an English sonnet which consists of 3 quatrains and a final couplet. The sonnet has rhyme and a fixed meter. Musicality is indeed achieved due to the work with rhymes. There is an example of personification in line 3 when the poet writes deaf heaven. There is also use of metaphors. For example, the author refers to God in line 3 and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries. There are images of sound. For instance, in line 11 we can hear the lark sings hymns. There is also an example of comparison in lines 10 and 11 haply I think of thee, and then my state, like to the lark at break of day arising from sullen earth. Apart from all this, there is an example of anaphora in lines 3 and trouble deaf heaven and 4 and look upon myself All in all, the poem describes how people may feel at any time and also how love has the power to rescue us from any painful situation that we might undergo. As for the translation made by Miguel Angel Montezanti, he respected the original poem since he wrote a sonnet with a fixed meter and with a careful respect to rhyme. As for the distribution of lines on the paper, he wrote the poem in the same way Shakespeare did, without any space between the quatrains and between the last quatrain and the final couplet. Montezanti made use of comparisons and anaphora in the same way Shakespeare did. He did a very good job in order to keep the rhymes and meter. However, he could not avoid some loss in the translated version of the poem. For example, the first line in his version cuando en desgracia de hombres y fortuna has a somewhat

different meaning since in the original Shakespeare referred to mens eyes. In line 3 the word deaf is not included in the translation. We only get cielo. It is interesting the word Montezanti chose to give the equivalent of fate: estrella and also its place in the line. Of course, this has to do with the work on rhyme and meter. Then, the line 7 in Shakespeare poem desiring this mans art ant that mans scope is completely lost since in the translation we read como el que amigos o poder alcanza. The entire line in this case is reduced to poder. Finally, Montezanti chose to keep the word kings from the original poem probably because nowadays we have no problem with the term kings. It is also interesting the word Montezanti chose to refer to the word change line 14: trocara. He could have used the word cambiara but he probably chose it because in Spanish that is a word we know from chess. Probably we associate the word trocara with chess and as a consequence with kings. In my opinion, Montezanti wrote a very good version of the poem by Shakespeare since he kept the rhymes, meter and also meaning.