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Introduction
Pain won’t last forever. When God wipes away our tears neither “will there be any more pain.” Re
21:4.
But in the mean time men, whether consecrated or no, must deal with the sorrows of this life. Jesus
was acquainted with those sorrows when he was here as a man. Is 53:3.
The Bible names and illustrates the primary ways that men deal with pain. It recommends some
methods of coping and forbids others. And in a few cases the Bible simply says the methods don’t
work.
In this essay we will briefly observe first a variety of causes of pain. Pain has causes and when
dealing with pain, the best coping method often depends on the cause. This is especially obvious in
cases of physical pain, but no less true in cases of sorrow.
Next we will observe methods that work and which are recommended in scripture.
Finally we will note that a list of faulty coping methods, some of which are sinful, and all of which
seem to be prevalent today. These should be replaced by the recommended methods.
Such anguish frequently follows the first promised element of the curse: death. Loved ones left
behind hurt intensely. This type of sadness happens acutely even when persons depart from each
other for long periods of time. Joh 16:20; Php 2:27; Jer 31:15-17.
As the planet has degenerated, so has the family. Four original grandparents, with two original
parents working together lovingly to raise their own biological children – this scenario has become
uncommon. And the result is one of pain, both to parents of wayward children (Pr 17:21, 25) and to
watching relatives (Ro 9:2) and most obviously to the children. (Judges 11 and 2 Sam 13-18 illustrate
the myriad ways dysfunction causes intense pain.)
Perhaps the most common source of pain is guilt, and later, divine punishment. This source of pain is
attested widely. See Ps 25:18; Jer 30:15, 23; Le 26:16; De 28:65; Re 18:7. Doing wrong hurts
sometimes. But being punished for doing wrong hurts always. Guilt is a small initial installment on
punishment intended to lead us to seek forgiveness.
Human punishment hurts too. And it can be overwhelming when combined with shunning or cold
shoulders. 2Co 2:6.
Much pain comes from an improper use of our imagination2. We anticipate trouble (Jer 6:22) and thus
let it hurt us even before it arrives, and even though it may never arrive. In this category should be
located the pain caused by unanswered prayer (Jer 15:18), for it is only in our imagination that the
prayer will not be answered at the right time and appropriately.
Ignorance stings despite its blissful reputation. Those, for example, who believe that their departed
and wayward child must be writhing in hell with millions of years hopelessly stretched out before him
1
These answer the question “how” does pain come. For an answer to “why” pain comes the author
recommends “God and Pain, and Essay on ‘why’” available under “articles” at www.bibledoc.org.
2
See the article on the imagination at www.bibledoc.org.
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there, have an ignorance that causes them sorrow “as do others” where understanding people are
comparatively solaced. 1Th 4:13.
When our pet indulgence is out of reach, self asserts that it is in pain. Though we ought to let it die,
self does verily make the life of men painful until they acquiesce and secure the forbidden object.
James 3:11-4:3.
The sorrows described above might be summarized as the sorrows of the world. Such sorrow injures
the body, weakens the immune response, and is truly a cause of death. 2Co 7:10. There are other
causes of sorrow that are better named “godly sorrow” and by these the heart is “made better.” Ec
7:3; 2Co 7:10.
These include the sorrow of repentance as well as the sorrow that comes when suffering for making a
conscientious choice. Ec 7:3; 2Co 7:10; Heb 11:25-26.
Then there is a sorrow that comes with an increase of understanding. This may also be thought of as
part of the curse, the painful recognition of the effects of sin, an experience of disappointment, or an
understanding of a crushing responsibility. Ec 1:18; Re 10:9; Joh 16:6.
Is 35:10 And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and
everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing
shall flee away.
Joh 16:20 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall
rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy. 21 A woman when
she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the
child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. 22 And
ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your
joy no man taketh from you.
Pr 10:22 The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.
When Christians use these resources to conquer problems, they accept them as a gift from heaven
and do not feel that they are depending on themselves. The ability to think and to plan is God’s gift to
men to relieve a great deal of the suffering that is in the world. So when Paul was sad about his lost
relatives, he was at the same time planning and executing and working to save, if possible, “some” of
them. Ro 9:11; 11:4.
Working towards a resolution is the key to personal development. It leads to maturity on one hand,
and literally reduces the causes of suffering on the other. Many of the faulty methods that Satan has
suggested as antidotes for pain, by way of contrast, are nothing more than escape mechanisms that
leave men in the very same problems. More on these later.
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They forgive and pity those who have hurt them deeply
Not all sources of pain are problems to be solved. Some sources are past events. The pain that comes
from having been abandoned as a child (adoptees often feel that this happened), or having been
molested, or having experienced the divorce of one’s parents – these sources can’t be ‘fixed.’
So when Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers an embittering pain threatened to destroy
his happiness for life. But Joseph resolved the hurt by forgiveness. When, years later, his brothers
asked him to forgive them, he was heart-broken that they were still unaware of how thoroughly he
had done so already.
Ge 50:17 “[Dying Jacob was alleged to say] ‘So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee
now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil:’ and now, we pray
thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father.” And Joseph wept when they
spake unto him.
Even in cases where one has done so wickedly as to warrant being disfellowshipped, the Bible
recommends whole-hearted forgiveness. 2 Co 2:6-7. Forgiveness is a healing balm. It is the first of
two steps in the process of recovering from a deep wound. Forgive the guilty party that has harmed
you, even if that party includes parents you have never met or an attacker that you do not know.
Forgiveness opens the boil and lets the puss run out.
Repentance is also the second step in dealing with pain that comes from a wound. “Repent?!?” you
ask incredulously. “How can you ask a child to repent for being harmed?”
No, no. Do not repent for being wounded. Repent for responding selfishly. Anger, bitterness, resent,
and hate towards the wrong doer are the very self-defending agents that have allowed the pain to run
so deep for so long. For Christ’s sake, who has forgiven you, confess the unkindness of your thoughts
and put them away. (This is not an essay on how to do that, and professional Christian counseling
might be in order for those who fail to get the help they need in this regard other ways.)
They choose, in view of the judgment (Ecc 11:9-10), to be free and joyous.
This is a spiritual choice made by dependant Christians. Joy more closely related to the will than many
realize.
If you will seek the Lord and be converted every day; if you will of your own spiritual choice be
free and joyous in God; if with gladsome consent of heart to His gracious call, you come
wearing the yoke of Christ,--the yoke of obedience and service,--all your murmurings will be
stilled, all your difficulties will be removed, all the perplexing problems that now confront you
will be solved.-- {CM 119.2}
You may help by “confirming your love” toward a hurting punished person
To this point we have considered ways to deal with your own pain. There is an important element,
however, that third parties should understand. They can help you with your pain-at-being-punished by
confirming their love toward you. But this is almost perfectly useless to know because love can not be
extracted.
What is helpful is that you can be the third party that helps someone else. (This works as directed
when the third party was party also to giving the punishment. It makes no sense any other way.) You
can confirm your love to the person who thought he had reason to doubt it when he was punished.
Some persons never did have loving discipline from their parents and so have difficulty conceiving of
tough love.
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2Co 2:6 Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many. 7 So that
contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should
be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. 8 Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your
love toward him.
They overcome evil with good, replacing their bitterness with service
Our final helpful method of dealing with pain helps deal with many other problems and sins as well.
Eph 4:30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of
redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be
put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving
one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
By choosing to do a kind thing to a specific person, by forgiving another, you practically replace the
“bitterness”, “wrath”, and “anger” that the Spirit wants you to “put away.” Service displaces
bitterness. What a wonderful and helpful reality that is.
Jer 6:14 They have healed also the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, Peace,
peace; when there is no peace.
Eight doomed men from Shechem had, as a way of showing their sorrow, dressed in sackcloth. They
had also “cut themselves.” Jer. 41:5. And the prophet predicted that Moab would be reduced to
“cutting” their own hands as a way of dealing with the pain of being punished by God. Jer 48:36.
And during the last plagues men will be in such mental distress that they will seek distraction by the
painful exercise of “gnawing” their own tongues.
These methods, aside from the obvious fact that they solve nothing, are also forbidden. God has
richer ways of dealing with our pain than by broadening its scope. Le 19:28; 21:5; Ro 12:1; 1Co 6:15,
19-20.
Another escape mechanism known to Old Testament persons was intoxication. Men drank liquor. Pro
23:29; 31:6. This method, though allowed for sinners in cases of terminal illness and solemn
depression, was forbidden to kings and priests. And as Christians are “kings and priests” in God’s
kingdom, mind-numbing substances are forbidden to us.
Under these two heads, pain-causing distraction and mind-numbing distraction, can be classed the
modern forms of escapism. Under the pain-causing head you can find anorexia and embedding.
Under mind-numbing you can find masturbation, pornography, bulimia, gluttony and drugs. And most
of these have cross-over values. That is, the mind-numbing activity also produces a suffering of guilt,
thus treating pain with an increase of pain. Satan never has been very kind to the people he tricks.
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The escape mechanisms are, interestingly, addictive. Such is the desire of the heart for peace that it
clings to even false hopes with incredible tenacity. Bringing in a “better hope” is an incredibly
important step in breaking the psychological hold of these addictions. Then the addictions shrink into
a bad habit to be broken by the power of the gospel. (Caffeine, Nicotine, and some drugs have an
additional type of addiction that is more physiological, but that is not within the scope of this paper.)
Nehemiah’s Persian king had this mentality and sought to have a happier life by banishing the
expression of sadness in his court. Ne 2:2. But only Nehemiah’s expression of sorrow brought, in the
long term, real help. It was the first step in seeking resolution.
Expressing our pain, when combined with an expression of dependence on God for help, is a real and
tangible way to move towards a resolution of a problem.
The priests of Baal, for example, were leaping and jumping and doing all kinds of silly things
(including cutting themselves, but not likely for reasons similar to those discussed earlier) trying to
get the attention of who? Of Baal. 1Ki 18:26.
But acting up on one hand, showing off on the other, demonstrating even artificial religious qualities
like humility, are not only forbidden, but utterly fail of giving any real help to the sufferers. Col. 2:23;
Mt 6:16.
Even mystic Babylon deals with her problems this way. Scripture indicates that, in the end, this
method utterly fails to comfort.
Re 18:7 How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and
sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no
sorrow.
They overwork
The idea that we are dependant on our own resources for solving our problems leads, subconsciously,
to overwork. Persons like the author of this study tackle their problems with all the effort they have to
offer. But it is useless to stay up late and to rise up early and to work this way to solve our problems.
God has given us sleep, in fact, as a means of preserving our emotional health.
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Ps 127:2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he
giveth his beloved sleep.
They sleep
Persons unlike the author, but who also feel dependant on their own resources, are inclined to give up
when overwhelmed. Emotionally, this looks like a desire to oversleep. As an escape, it is useless. Lu
22:45. But as a habit of early to bed and early to rise, it is a healthy and rational means of dealing
with problems. See Ps. 127:2 above.
Conclusion:
Hope and real work and dependence on God can support a man in his trials. Forgiveness and
repentance free him from guilt and begin to heal his wounds. Choosing to be joyous and free in God
levels his emotions. Looking for ways to be sweet helps replace the bad habits of thought that
embitter our lives.
Satan’s cheap tricks, old and new, ignore the causes of pain. They seek to numb the pain, or to
distract one from it, or engulf one is trying to help himself by himself. They lead some to deny their
problems and lead others to act up in a bid to get attention.
But they don’t work. Rather, the escape mechanisms addict the user while increasing his misery and
guilt.
Then seek for peace, for a healing that isn’t done “slightly.”