Mr.

Obvious

We all know Mr. Obvious or have met one in our lives. I find these people to be entertainment and so, I documented a humorous encounter with Mr. Obvious with a twist at the end of this short story.

All artwork and content are copyright 2013, all rights reserved by dave magee

Mr. Obvious

dave magee 2013

My departure flight was scheduled for late morning on a Saturday, just before the 2004 New Hampshire primary election. Every four years there is a gradual increase in national attention given to New Hampshire, the nations first state which votes in the primary election for the Republican and Democratic presidential candidates. Dozens of national and international press agents converge on the city of Manchester, sending some of the most distinguished political commentators to this most envious of states. The assigned plane for our journey was a small jet, due to the short flight duration down to Washington D.C. There were no first class seats or special considerations on this plane. The airline representative made an announcement that there was a slight delay due to a mechanical issue on the plane. She recommended all passengers stay nearby in case we needed to board more immediately. This announcement turned out to be the perfect introduction for Mr. Obvious. I presume that he studied aeronautical engineering at Flighty University because somehow he knew exactly how to fix the plane and determine the coincidental boarding time. Even more annoying than Mr. Obvious himself was the simple fact that he was right. One of the small but well appreciated novelties of having frequent flyer status is the option to board the plane first. I dont always take advantage of this benefit, but I knew full-well that Mr. Obvious would probably strike up a conversation with every passenger while leading into and walking down the jet way. I really didnt want to be a party to his endless trivia. I sat in my traditional window seat and noticed a well-dressed man in a navy blue suit, formal white shirt and classic tie walk down the narrow aisle. I overheard a few women comment. Although he was slightly shorter than the average man, he had a full head of dark thick hair and most of the women were impressed with his slim build and fashion style. Have you ever seen someone in person for the first time and they look incredibly recognizable, but you just cant put your finger on their

Mr. Obvious

dave magee 2013

name or where you may have met them? Well, the man boarding the plane fit this description for me. The well-dressed man sat directly behind me as dozens of passengers passed by, and much to my surprise, the seat next to me remained unoccupied. I looked up from the magazine and noticed the flight attendant was making a gesture to finalize boarding. Then along came Mr. Obvious. It is my guess that Mr. Obvious was probably late to nearly every event he had ever been invited. More to the point, he was the last one to board the plane on this day. He selfishly ignored the basic travel protocol and had two carry-on bags. One was too big for the compartment above and he complained loudly to the poor flight attendant who was required to check the luggage below the plane. Much to my chagrin, Mr. Obvious planted himself right next to me even though the plane was half-full. Mr. Obvious wasnt a bad guy. He went about helping those around him by carefully and methodically finding space in the overhead compartments, but most people are perfectly capable of managing these tasks on their own. Helping someone with a physical disability is a good thing, but please Mr. Obvious, most people prefer to manage these tasks on their own. Besides, people like Mr. Obvious have ulterior motives in helping others with the carryon bags. They tend to be more concerned with ensuring that their personal bags have enough space and that other peoples things dont infringe. And if the overhead compartments should fill up, then Mr. Obvious is kind enough to carry the bag to the flight attendant for baggage check under the plane. The anticipated flight path would take us over New York City and then shortly thereafter, all passengers were required to be seated for the remainder of the flight as our commercial airline entered Washington D.C. airspace. The flight took place when strict guidelines were still in place as a result of the catastrophic events of September 11th. I have flown countless hours across the Atlantic Ocean and around the world. It took me twenty-two hours to get Mumbai, India, but this flight from Manchester, New Hampshire to Reagan International Airport in Washington D.C., normally a one and a half hour flight, was the longest of all flights.

Mr. Obvious

dave magee 2013

The plane departed from the gate twenty minutes late as predicted by Mr. Obvious. I had prepared my noise canceling headphones and a book while Mr. Obvious was rearranging the overhead storage. For those of you who have never connected the dots, when someone you are sitting next to on a plane has noise canceling headphones accompanied with a book, it would be an accurate guess that ninetynine percent of the time these pre-flight preparations signify that the individual wants to be left alone during the flight. This is the one fact that Mr. Obvious did not know. Moments later we were in flight, and just when it was acceptable for approved electronic devices to be turned on, Mr. Obvious felt that I was in need of a geography lesson. Although I majored in geography at college, had lived in New Hampshire for the past five years, and I had taken off from Manchester airport at least three hundred times, I was in for an education. My teacher was comfortable and gracious enough to lean over me and point out the landmarks through the window that I was adjacent to, which at twenty-four thousand feet, the landmarks were hardly identifiable with the naked eye. I remember thinking to myself, Only the most skilled photogrammetric technician would be able to pick up these items using sophisticated stereoscopic aerial imagery, ortho-rectified with survey quality ground and elevation control and image enhancements with false color, using state of the art computer software specifically intended to support geographic information system (GIS) analysis, but I didnt want Mr. Obvious to challenge my fourteen year career in GIS. However, at what was now twenty-eight thousand feet above sea level, he pointed out Horse Pond and Brooks Pond, tiny little water landmarks of no significance. I sat there wondering to myself, Why? and What did I do to deserve this? The flight attendant created a distraction by offering a drink, thereby introducing a brief moment of silence. I reached for my headphones, which is another subtle hint to the neighboring passenger that it is now quiet time. Just before I was able to position the headphone comfortably in place, Mr. Obvious leaned over to have a look out the

Mr. Obvious

dave magee 2013

window again, tipping my glass of water and then cleaning it with my napkin. The aerial tour of New York City skyline from thirty thousand feet was next on the Mr. Obvious sight-seeing tour. I had seen New York City a few hundred times from the window of a plane, but because of Mr. Obvious, skyscrapers suddenly became recognizable. It was in this moment that my annoying and ignorant neighbor was kind enough to point out a large rectangular patch of land comprised mostly of trees, lakes, walking paths and green areas. This significant parcel of geography, located smack dab in the middle of some the most expensive real estate on the planet was none other than Central Park! Thank you Mr. Obvious. Wait! There came about another distraction! The person in the seat across the aisle from Mr. Obvious asked the flight attendant if she was going to have a problem making her connection. The flight attendant took the passengers information and said she would ask the pilot to verify the gate and departure. Im not sure why the flight attendant pursued this course of action. She could have saved a lot of time and given immediate gratification to the passenger had she simply turned to her right and asked Mr. Obvious. He had already taken the liberty to assure some of his fellow passengers they would have no problem making the connection at Reagan International. Mr. Obvious perception and comprehension was quite impressive on all matters. The announcement by the pilot came on the intercom that we had entered Washington D.C. air space. By law, all passengers were required to be seated for the remainder of the flight for the sake of national security. It is worth noting that the final approach, which pilots often make to one of the primary runways at Reagan International, is probably considered one of the more challenging aeronautical skills to navigate. This is due to its proximity with the Pentagon and other significant landmarks around Washington D.C. The flight path was very specific at the time, and it is certain that any unplanned change in the aeronautical approach would have most certainly alarmed national security, rendering our civilian aircraft a threat. Of course I knew this, but Mr. Obvious had to explain it.

Mr. Obvious

dave magee 2013

The Embraer jet was small enough to meander along the Potomac River, jetting above the buildings near Arlington, Virginia. I would estimate that we were flying at approximately five hundred to seven hundred feet above sea level as we banked right, left and right again for our final and very swift approach to the landing strip. Within seconds the pilot made a hard right turn, the runway was finally visible and we were on the ground in seconds. It was the most unusual approach to any major international or even regional airport that I had encountered, and the skill of the pilots were definitely tested. As predicted, once the pilot parked the aircraft, Mr. Obvious was the first to enter the aisle for no other reason but to ensure that no one violated his carryon bag. However, he did help the other passengers with their bags, which meant he really was a nice guy. It was just his annoying way of going about helping people, his constant presence in personal space and presumptive nature of maintaining an endless knowledge of nearly every subject second only to God, which made him possibly the most annoying individual I had ever encountered. Proponents for Ritalin finally have an argument I might be willing to support. As we waited for the door to open, Mr. Obvious leaned over to take one last look out my window in order to point out the Washington Monument and the Capital Building as if I had never seen them before. Then he stood back up in the aisle and said out loud, I bet Air Force One would have had a hard time with that approach to the runway. It was obvious to correlate Air Force One with Washington D.C., but other than that, I was completely confused by his statement, since Air Force One maintains departure and arrival at Andrews Air Force Base. For the sake of time and my sanity, I was not willing to ask Mr. Obvious for an explanation. The crowds in the aisle of the plane proceeded to exit, clearing room for me to stand up. I stepped into the aisle, and unexpectedly, a hand touched my shoulder. It was the man in the suit who had sat behind me the entire trip. I turned to face him, and he spoke, Actually, Air Force One is much smoother. I guess George Stephanopoulos would know. So, I actually did learn something.