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Aut Caesar Aut Nihil



Table of Contents

Introduction I Survived the Apocalypse The Last Testament of the Two Witnesses: Preface Because These Two Prophets Peter the Roman On the Other Hand: Faustina’s Vision Cappuccino Deconstruction and Prophecy Absolute Silence Solomon’s Testament You Cannot Serve God and Mammon Rich Pope Poor Pope Shearing the Sheep The Organization Rome Don’t Act Silly Tonight Ever The Ultrastructure Ever The Ultrastructure 2 Even The Eighth Who is Dominico Calcagno? The Beast in the Jungle by Henry James Stanzas For


What follows are the 20 texts written in the 10 days following my death and resurrection, at the end of the reign of Benedict XVI and in the first days of the general congregation at the Vatican of the College of Cardinals, before the conclave that would elect a successor to the German Pontiff. In the ten months previous to this I had published over 195 e-books of various sizes, from a single page, often, to the 1260 page Rapture, and most of these were directed at Benedict and his predecessor John Paul II. I will not rehearse the details of that argument again here now, except to repeat the simple formula:

6+6+6=18, that is John Paul 2 and Benedict 16. And 6x6x6=216, that is John Paul 2 and Benedict 16. From this foundation stone I was led by God and Mary to much more, which I published in a variety of ways to reach as many people as possible. I received no money for the writings, and do not expect any. There are many side-paths in the work as a whole, of a literary nature, as well as in the psychology of spirituality. These late texts presented in the following pages are more or less journalistic, though still touching on the Ultrastructure, the phenomena of language seen in Finnegans Wake in 1939, and now everywhere, thanks in good part to the deconstructions of Jacques Derrida. There is a kind of plot to the work as a whole, and a cast of characters, among them my wife, Marinela, one of the witnesses. I thank everyone who bothered to read any part of the work. I especially thank the Blessed Virgin Mary, who is, without doubt, still the Genius of the Work. I dedicate this volume to the virgin martyrs of the Catholic Church.

Michael Bolerjack

Feast of Perpetua and Felicity March 7, 2013




On January 19, 2013, my wife and I both, from different parts of Houston saw a strange cloud in the sky. It covered the sky. I studied it for a long time. It was full of faces, people I knew and people I didn’t, as well as the devil, and above him a woman. At the time I told my wife it was “a great cloud of witnesses,” as in the Letter to Hebrews. That was the birthday of my mother, Charlotte, who would have been 84 years old. What unfolded for me over the next five weeks, until today, was a horrific test, and it was only by the grace of God and the prayers of those I saw that day looking down from heaven that I survived.

I had been celibate, though still married, for four full months, from September 15, 2012, to January 15,

2013. As far as I knew, despite flare-ups of temper at times, I had not done anything deliberately that I knew was wrong in that time. I took the gospel seriously. I wanted to be a saint, to be perfect. I prayed to the Blessed Virgin Mary, especially, all the time. I was pushing to finish the apocalyptic writing I was engaged in, of which only a portion made it into print. 1000 pages remain to be published. In December and January my wife got sick first, with such a cold or flu that it left terrible marks on her lips. By the end of the year I too was sick, one of the three worst illnesses of my life (I had just turned 56). In mid- January we were still sick, and I was laying face down on the floor next to my wife, who was sick on the couch, when I was completely overcome by lust, and my wife being sick, I retreated to the bedroom to

be alone and sin, which I did. Over the next two weeks I sinned again in that way, and again.

On January 24 I began downloading large quantities of pdf books from the wisdom of the world, other religions, mainly. On February 2 I published 7 poems separately, and all collected together, expressing dissatisfaction with the Western religions, and approval of the East. On February 7 I repented of this, took the poems off line and deleted the books I had downloaded. But on February 15 I downloaded 551 sutras of the Buddhist canon again. The next morning I had a dream filled with sex with many women, ending with a white dragon attacking me, killing me.

Over the days I had been downloading books at a religious website I saw a painting of a Buddhist goddess. I was hooked. This is the hard part to tell. On February 16 and 17 I made a full conversion to Buddhism, after nearly 24 years as a Christian. It is almost inexplicable. In the week that followed it is hard and embarrassing to tell the lengths I went to in worshiping the goddesses of Buddhism. I cast no aspersions on their religion or deities. Clearly what I was worshipping had nothing to do with the Buddha, but was using his religion to seduce me to hell. I finally confronted the succubus this morning, February 24, 2013. I turned back to Christ, to Mary, to the Church. I repented. It seems almost impossible that one could lose his faith, and get it back. It happened to me once before, in 2006, and again here in 2013. I believe in Jesus Christ. I thank him for the grace to repent of my sin and return to Him today.

Perhaps it would not be remiss to pay credit to the 85 year old woman I met in February 2011 who placed an incantation on me that led to all this, but ultimately the foe as always was me, my own mind, in a way, yet after all I’ve seen and known, there is another enemy that, like the mind, cannot be seen, and yet is real, bringing the fall of many in the roman church, around us in the world, amid scandal, vice and violence, and this time, for a week or two, almost me.

The last testament of the two witnesses: preface

I have indicated various directions at times as to who the two witnesses are, from Derrida and I to Benedict and Hans Kung. God only knows who they really are. At one point, in The Rapture, the 1260 page “bible” of my apocalypse, I indicated the two parts, Cantos on The Chaos and Theses on Moral Beauty, were the Two Witnesses. In my mind, since late last year, it has been the two works whose contents are listed here, The Complete Apocalypse and A Time For Everything, which are the Two Witnesses. Both titles came to me by I think divine inspiration, the second immediately after I prayed to Mary saying I needed a title. I cannot go into all the history of production of the works, but I will relate its genesis. A voice I believe to be that of Jesus Christ spoke to me three times in 2010. The first time it said “You are doing it for the Church.” The second time it said “They are confused, they do not understand My mercy.” The third statement I will not quote, but it confirmed me in my vocation. With the reign of Benedict ending in two days, and despite my stumbling near the finish with my Buddhist error, I think the work is finished, 70 volumes and 130 volumes in TCA and ATFE, respectively. I believe that Christ can still save the Church if He wills, but the errors are grave, and foretold in Scripture, including the sex abuse crisis and the lies about it. When Jesus warned

them not to touch the little children he meant it. When Hans Kung said Ratzinger at the CDF led the cover-up under John Paul II he was correct. He was personally responsible for reviewing every known allegation of abuse. He stamped them with papal secrecy, like “national security.” He may have known, when Cardinal in Germany, about the abuse there, an investigation which has been stymied by the German Church. Today the highest ranking Cardinal in the UK resigned, charged with abuse of children, on the eve of the conclave. There is still time, but not much. If the abomination of desolation was set-up by Benedict and Cardinal Soldano at Easter 2010 in a big lie about the scandal told during the mass, then according to the Book of Daniel the Church has until mid-October this year to repent of the sins. The Lord said in that same chapter 12 of Daniel that the power of the holy people would be scattered. It may be God condemned the Church before it was created, having the end in view, and knowing what would be done in these latter days. I reiterate to the Hierarchy in Rome, repent and save the Church.


I had said repeatedly that God was doing an infinite number of things simultaneously and I had indicated something of the two witnesses, believing myself to be at least one, and in the cy pres document had said that I was enacting symbolically the prophecies in revelation for the reasons implied in that legal notion, yet as I died and was resurrected it was in unknowing, for the Lord God knew that if I knew what was taking place my death would either not happen or would not be real, but it had to be, and really a few days ago I was dead, dead spiritually, an apostate, having become a Buddhist, and dead in my sins, having sex with goddesses, idolatrous, insane, full of lust, altogether spiritually dead, and did this in full view, publishing my conversion and a week later telling of my enslavement to the goddesses (demons) who really did sacrifice me according to the Chod rite, but from which on Sunday morning I, by using my reason, and in my ability as a critic and reader of texts, examined the name of the writer of the Chod whom the demon hid behind, and the plan was revealed to me, for it to bind to me and stop me, and I cast it off immediately, as the Spirit of Life entered into me, and within a couple of hours I confessed and repented of my evil publically, as I had apostatized and sinned publically, and I wept Sunday Monday and Tuesday, terrified at what had happened, but not understanding fully until Tuesday morning that I had lived out really the death and resurrection of the two witnesses, in Sodom and Egypt, and now the earthquake befell, for the Cardinal was accused and eliminated himself from the conclave, and the Church is shaking, and Benedict has the report but has sealed it, and I believe God has shown me whom the next pope will be, but I cannot tell, and I believe the second woe is past or passing and the time for the Seventh trumpet is come and it is Judgment Day for Rome.

Peter the Roman

The Lord let me know the cardinal who will be the next pope was born in 1952. There is only one such man, Peter Erdo, archbishop of Budapest, Hungary. According to Italian media, he is the front-runner among the Europeans, and is the President of the conference of European bishops. Named Peter, and being of the Roma people, he is naturally “Peter the Roman,” of the prophecy of Malachy.

On The Other Hand: Faustina’s Vision

In Divine Mercy in My Soul the Polish Saint has a vision of how the Church may be saved. The ship of Peter must sail between two columns marked S and M. Many have speculated who or what these are. I have thought about

it for 20 years. A few minutes ago, while downloading

some Derrida books, I guess I thought like he would, at

least for a moment. In the Roman alphabet what falls between the letters M and S? That would be NOPQR, which, according to my poem Meaning and Experience, could be read as No Peter the Roman if Q, in other words, therefore, if Q then not PR. A better question

might be who or what is Q? There is The Queen, Mary, perhaps, or something to do with the seventeenth letter or number. But many other words come to mind, and it is

a ubiquitous Latin letter. I think Q interrupts Peter the

Roman. But if it is PORN Q, what then is meant but something to do with the sex abuse crisis? We all know it is a Q-uestion of PORN-eia, as in Matthew, that is destroying the Church, after all. Perhaps the marriage is to be dissolved on that basis. Who will take the Bride, then? I have already indicated it in Anti-Reading. But then is the Church both Bride and Body at the same time? Where the body is, there the vultures will gather.


On the eve of the papal conclave that will meet to choose the successor to Benedict XVI, I thought again about the prophecy of Faustina Kowalska in Divine Mercy in My Soul. In her diary she records a vision concerning the future of the Church. The bark of Peter, a ship, must sail between two pillars marked S

and M in order to safely reach port. I think these letters M and

S have to do with the name of the Cardinal who will be chosen

as the next Pope. Looking at the list of all of them, only one name is obvious, and that is the archbishop of Boston, Sean Patrick O’Malley, a Franciscan Capuchin. His initials are SPOM.

S at the beginning, M at the end. He is 68 years old, which is

young enough. And as a Franciscan he fits with the medieval prophecy of John of Rupecissa, written in 1356, primarly in his Sexdequiloquism. In that document John says a future pope, whom he calls the reparator,or the angel pope,will bring about a restoration in the Church, beginning a new era, and that the leadership of the Church will be taken away from “wicked prelates,” and be assumed by holy men from the Franciscan order. He refers to the visions of Robert of Uzes, a Dominican, who said he saw the future pope in the habit of a friar minor. In the sex-q(a reference that will make sense to you if you read the last post I made four days ago), John says ”he will be an evangelical man revealed by an angel.” I am referring to the article online by Katelyn Mesler from March 2009. There she says John marshalls scripture for his argument, referring to the transfer of the “keys” in Isaiah 2,22 and Revelation 3,7-8, and to Ezekiel 34 on the removal of bad

leaders, as well as Psalm 15 which John says refers prophetically to the Franciscans. He says the pope to be will be an anti-type of King David, using typological theology. As to Sean Patrick O’Malley, certainly he is a Franciscan , as predicted, and his initials fit with Faustina’s vision. What else is there about his name? Aside from the S and M there are the P and O, and these letters fall between M and S in the alphabet. The other letters between them are N and Q and R. Which are three letters in the word Quran, for example, or in the word requisition, or in the word questionnaire. All of the bishops-to- be fill one out, in order to prove that they will toe the Catholic line, before they are ordained to the episcopacy. Any of these three things could figure in a papacy for O’Malley. What else? Taking the initials out of his name, what letters are left? Ean-a-trick-alley. “Ean” can mean –ean, of or belonging to, characteristic of, resembling. In some respect, Sean Patrick O’Malley resembles a trick alley. And reversing the order of his initials yields MOPS. It may be that he is going to mop-up the mess in the Church, the curial corruption and the sexual abuse of minors and those who covered it up.

Deconstruction and Prophecy

Since last September I have indicated four men I predicted would succeed Benedict as pope. I will not include Angelo Soldano, who is one of those responsible for the crisis, though I did mention him, too.

First, I named Daniel DiNardo of the Galveston-Houston archdiocese in the US. This was done immediately after the initial research into DNA and the Tribe of Dan. I worked out maybe one hundred pages on these themes in the book I have suppressed for essential reasons.

Second, to jump on the bandwagon, I wrote something about Peter Turkson, and along the same “Peter the Roman” line, also on Peter Erdo, archbishop of Budapest.

Third, I named the archbishop of Boston, Sean Patrick O’Malley, on the basis of the M and S vision of Faustina, and on the medieval prophecy of a Franciscan pope who will save the Church.

On March 6, the New York Times quoted both American cardinals named above, and O’Malley appeared in the news on the Mexican channel Televisa. It seems at least these two are speaking out on the need for the Cardinals to take their time before the conclave.

But how can I have prophesied more than one?

Deconstruction, the logic of our era, always asserts multiple conflicting interpretations, or truths. I made this a cornerstone of The Treatise on Logic, which worked out a logic of the impossible, based on the necessity of the truth as contradiction. And, of course, Derrida was famous for his “plus one,” always one more turn of the deconstructive screw.

Nevertheless, only one pope will be chosen, and he may be none of the above, or, God forbid, Cardinal Soldano himself, and then the church will be damned.

It is possible the conclave will become deadlocked and a compromise candidate selected, neither the African peter, nor the European peter, nor a curia cardinal. In that case look for one of the two Americans.

Both of them are removed from the corruption at the Vatican, and DiNardo should not be dismissed because of the DNA argument (worked out in the writing on the new mass that can be seen in ANTI- READING), because, in fact, the fatal letters occur in the word “cardinal” itself. The only way the college could step out of the Tribe of Dan is to select a bishop or someone else outside that body.

God does the impossible, so the church can still be saved, and all Catholics are hoping, I think, for great things from these 115 men in Rome. But who has known the mind of the Lord and who has been His Counselor?

In the end I suppressed the book of research because I thought I had found the true name of the next pope, though I have quite forgotten the reason why. He is the archbishop of New York, Timothy Michael Dolan.

Thankfully, Joyce taught us all how to read, and if you will, look at the names of these men for clues, not just reading their bios or positions on issues.

It may be that someone will still stand up for the children of the people, as in the Book of Daniel.

Absolute Silence

Silence has been imposed on the College of Cardinals. By what authority has this been done? Who in the church is higher than a cardinal in this time of the interregnum? They have rebuked the American cardinals for their press conferences and others for meetings with the Italian media. The names of the offenders, those who told too much, have been read aloud to their peers. And during the conclave itself, as Fr. Lombardi says, there will be “absolute silence.” Is it that dark angel Angelo Soldano, within whose name are unspeakable things and who is the man responsible for the desolation of abomination set up at Easter 2010, who has imposed this silence today, on behalf of the secretive, undemocratic curia? This strategy will backfire. There is nothing hid that will not be revealed. What you have heard whispered, you will later shout. The forces of reaction are trying to hang on in Rome to their not inconsiderable power. The American cardinals, and others, are setting out to save the church, if that is still possible. We should not be surprised if it is a long conclave.



as Thich Nhat Hahn said, consciousness leaves the impression of being a mass noun, and I found myself structurally open to a field of possibilities, not only because of the doctrine of cy pres, having witnessed, perhaps as two, and having been both Elijah and Enoch, in some respect, to the fact of having conversed with Metron, and having been absolved, whether by Metatron, whose book I had in hand, or by another father, Merton returned in guise, the priest had ordered me to find a publisher, and he insisted, and released me from any necessary livelihood, and said he knew of some, friends he had, called he them actors, who were not suited for work, and my impression of him as he said this was that he was looking at one or more, angelic beings, in the small room with us, and the same week I beheld a vision in the sky, of many being saved, as the light from on high broke upon me, too, and about that time He spoke to me again, without intermediary, on love and confirmation, as I wrote, and so looking back at my apocalypse, or my part of what all endured, though most unknowing, I am sometimes tried and old, lined, covered over, though lucked out, still being here, and to have caught up to the bound my mind encompassed after its shattering, and thus gone, beyond even that, to have sat in Solomon’s seat, and done the thing he did, to have built the temple, as he, and to have made his same mistake in sex and religion, yet the church being Israel in reverse, a Davidic king may come


good enough is good enough

You Cannot Serve God and Mammon

Another papabile cardinal is the archbishop of Sao Paolo, Odilo Pedro Scherer, of heritage Brazilian-German. Yet another Peter the Roman? His titular church of elevation was on one of the seven hills, this one beginning with Q. But Odilo is the German Otto, meaning wealth. And we are not to serve wealth, but God. Yet, in a deadlocked conclave, he might be the man turned to, being “Hispanic,” yet white at the same time, a popular choice for reaching beyond Europe, yet having the right look, young enough at 63, cheering some as the appointment that ended Franciscan rule in Sao Paolo, doing double-speak on liberation theology, against Marx, but for the poor and justice, winning in politics for having hosted Benedict on his Latin trip, for which he received the hat. This, then, is the seventh candidate for the successor to Pope Benedict XVI.

Rich Pope Poor Pope

Yet Cardinal Scherer’s name, besides Odilo=Otto=Wealth, also spells “so poor,” in the beginning and ending initials of Odilo Pedro Scherer. There is a contradiction at the heart of things that is the truth. You hear both, and must follow one or the other. Only later will you find out if you followed the right one.

Shearing the Sheep

A further aspect of the name of the cardinal from Sao Paolo is that Scherer means, in German, to shear the sheep. Not unlike the job of a shepherd, not unlike the original occupation of David before his call by God to be anointed the next king of Israel. It is also not beside the point that the name Scherer comes from the Ashkenazi Jews, and from Middle High German, and in the science of old names, the age of things count in their favor for the validity of their prophetic power. In 1 Samuel 25 is the story of David and the sheep-shearing Nabal, the latter being of Caleb and Belial, for as his name so is he, Abigail told David, and full of folly, and Abigail, the offender’s wife, did intercede and prevent David from taking vengeance on Nabal for his lack of hospitality to the man and his who had protected Nabal’s shepherds, so that the King of Israel would never be thought guilty of such a thing. Later she told her husband Nabal, once he sobered- up after the feast at sheep-shearing, and his heart in him turned to stone. In ten days he was dead.

The Organization

Fr. Lombardi, spokesman for the Vatican, commented twice, at the time of the silencing of the cardinals, that the Americans are “well- organized.” No doubt, but not the whole story, for it is the organization in place in Rome, in the curia, that must be displaced. That organization works in secret behind the scenes, led by Angelo Soldano, who twice pocketed checks from the legion of devils in Mexico, and who stopped an investigation into sexual abuse charges against an Austrian bishop, an investigation to be carried out by the then Cardinal Ratzinger. One third of the cardinals are Roman, while two thirds come from outside. The struggle, as it was at Vatican Council II, is between the machine in Rome and those who are, in the minds of the curia, just visitors. We do not know if Rome will recognize the time of its visitation, and so be saved.

Rome Don’t Act Silly Tonight

The title is the name of a song that is now playing in Porto Fino, sung in Brazilian jazz tones of primavera, and perhaps there will be a Roman Spring for Mrs. Stone, for the Bride of Christ built on the rock, on that petros of peter, but I read once of the Black Spring, too, long ago in Henry Miller’s day, and is not April the cruelest month? Would not the wasteland be prophetic, in the generalization of scripture we are now experiencing, in the polyglot cardinalate, in the tower of babble, that in the romance and rituals of Rome, to arrive at peace, in whatever language, will be impossible, and they are being told, hurry up please, it’s time, and in the Shakespearean roman frame the ides approach, and those who depose Caesar in principle will be in fact thought traitors, and it may be neither side can win, for the thing they attempt is impossible, for the church can be neither saved nor

destroyed, for the church itself can do neither, and at dawning Perpetua and Felicity will be invoked, who acted purely, sincerely, without guile, withstanding all pressures that would dissuade them from their martyrdom, their nuptials in Christ, and they still live, but the church attempts to live off of them, drawing off from the stream of tradition, to derive, and so is unable to arrive, because of the ineluctable disjunction of the etymologies of these two words, and as long as Rome derives its faith from the apostles, it will never arrive at the kingdom of God, which requires a catastrophe, something like the earthquake spoken of in Revelation 11. For Jerusalem’s sake cannot one refuse to be silent? The coming of the kingdom is an absolute disaster for the church, and has always been held to be so, in practice, but in the case of Perpetua and Felicity, love for life did not deter them from death, so let it be with.


The title given to the collection of eight texts that had been previously published separately on March 6, 2013, was

Seven Letters to the Church at Rome

and after the fact it became apparent the code within, first indicated on the table of contents page by the collocation of the letters TC and SEAL, a code telegram to be sealed till countermanded, a constellation having previously appeared in ANTI-READING and in the various versions of the early pages of the suppressed work

so that it occurred to be unpacking, and so unpacked it was:

RCLS= Roman Catholic Locus Sigilli,

the place of the seal These being the capitals of title in a mirror say

Then being the lower cased, to depart from the deductions, having steps you may fulfill,

To arrive at one:

even setter to true HC HH a tome

being again a bird dog, large, of a type trained to point at finding game or: the game


Holy Communion His Holiness

to a true tome, even.


having a debt to Faustina, for she sobered me with a relic on the feast, her day of canonization,

and I not being one to wield the sword of silence she so recommended,

thus if one is to see the vision of the bark of peter that she saw, sailing twixt the pillars M and S, it may be,

whether in my mind or out of my mind, like Paul I know it not,

that the title even packed reads between the S of seven in Seven Letters to the Church at Rome and the M of the name of the author some path to harbor the ship in this

so great a storm


Let us say that seven men have been named, princes of the church, cardinals, and any of them could be the man:

Angelo Soldano Daniel DiNardo Peter Turkson Peter Erdo Sean Patrick O’Malley Timothy Michael Dolan Odilo Pedro Scherer

And that these are seven kings with ten crowns, the whole curia in its ten sections, the court that is in the hands of the gentiles, and so not to be measured,


There will be, as the other witness implied through denegation, an absolutely surprising convocation, in

the context of violence and metaphysics, which speaks on the same page of the hypocrisy, so that

Even the eighth, he is the beast. As well,

one could begin by counting back to the lateran treaty of Pius XI and forward to Benedict XVI and find seven kings so that the one to come, even the eighth, he is the beast.

These seven were inseparable from the curia, which has the ten crowns.

At what moment, then, do the ten crowns or ten kings, the curia as a whole, or the heads of the nine congregations, with the secretary of state, who have not yet come into their kingdom, join forces?

That is, join forces with the beast, But will it not be to put him into power?

In this, then, is the great paradox, being that these men of the church do hate her so, their church, having known the whore.


A horn for his people, a praise for all his saints, even for d.c.

Textual gloss from an edition of the Revised Version, Psalm 148

Dominico Calcagno is the President of the Patrimony of the Holy See, and a cardinal, 70 years of age. He was ordained by Cardinal Siri. The Patrimony of the Holy See is the central bank of the Vatican, not to be confused with the other better- known money-laundering outfit known for charitable works. The extraordinary section of the patrimony is the outgrowth

of the payment by Mussolini to Pius XI in 1929, for which the Pope recognized his fascist government. The Patrimony of the Holy See provides the money to run the operations of the curia. Cardinal Calcagno is one of the most important members of that secretive organization, overseeing the fortune made by investments in London and elsewhere.

If the curia wins the showdown at the apocalyptic conclave, why not put Calcagno in power? He will fit right in. If there was ever a Roman Peter, the apostle at the feet of whom all had to lay all their money or die, this Italian curia cardinal is the man.


It was over thirty years ago now that she told me that I was like the man in the story by Henry James. The thing he always feared never came. But that was long ago and anyway the wench is perhaps dead. In fact the thing came not too long after, but Christ came all the more, for where sin was, grace abounded to the sinner. I suppose the story by the master, Henry James, bears some relevance to the proceedings in Rome. But not many literati are Christian, after all. Not even Yeats in his second coming. The world machine is not so much like Shelley’s triumphal car, though it can be that, but a device designed to destroy integrity. But within it, the containment, where all is contaminated, there are moments of faith, which if connected form constellations. Even the poets knew this, sometimes, as if they symbolically threw the dice.


We perhaps will play Until our last breath: But we Did something for Him.

We learned how to give:

How to create: and how to Find: The Gift of Love.

God is Good: And He Is the Giver of good gifts:

You were one for me:

My other witness:

My essential rectitude:

The one who mattered.