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THE NEGATIVE STRESS CYCLE STRESS

AUTOMATIC THOUGTHS NEGATIVE THOUGTHS PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS AND/OR MALADAPTIVE BEHAVIOR NEGATIVE MOODS AND EMOTIONS (PSYCHOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS)

Irrational Ideas, Assumptions, and Beliefs


It is an absolute necessity for an adult to have love and approval from peers, family, and friends. You must be unfailingly competent and almost perfect in all you undertake. It is horrible when people and things are not the way you would like them to be. External events cause most human misery-people simply react as events trigger their emotions. You should feel fear or anxiety about anything that is unknown, uncertain, or potentially dangerous. It is easier to avoid than to face lifes difficulties and responsibilities. You need something other or stronger or greater than yourself to rely on. The past has a lot to do with determining the present. Happiness can be achieved by inaction, passivity, and endless leisure.

COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
Cognitive distortions, defined as illogical ways of thinking, that lead to negative emotional states. When people can identify their cognitive distortions, they can begin to challenge them.

Common Cognitive Distortions


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All-or-nothing thinking. You tend to evaluate situations in extreme, black-orwhite categories. For example, a straight-A student who received a B on an exam concluded, Now Im a total failure. The opera singer who considered her performance a disaster because of one comment was also using all-or-nothing thinking. This type of thinking is often the basis of perfectionism. Any mistake or imperfection is feared as the sign of a complete loser, inadequacy, and worthlessness. Overgeneralization. You see a single negative event as part of a continual pattern of defeat. One job interview that does not lead to an offer arouses fears of lifelong unemployment. The pain of rejection is generated almost entirely from overgeneralization.

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Mental filter. You pick out a negative detail in any situation and dwell on it, thus perceiving the whole situation as negative. For example, after a midterm a student becomes depressed because she could not answer twenty out of one hundred questions. When her test was returned, a note said, Congratulations! You go eighty out of one hundred, by far the highest grade of any student this year. Discounting the positive. This is the tendency to transform neutral or even positive experiences into negative ones. For example, upon receiving a compliment, you think to yourself, Theyre just saying that to be nice. This is one of the most destructive forms of illogical thinking because the price you pay is the inability to perceive good things in life. Jumping to conclusions. You conclude the worst, even though it is not justified by the facts. Two examples: Mind reading. You assume that someone is reacting negatively to you, but you dont bother to check it out. For example, you leave a message on a friends answering machine but she doesnt immediately call back; you automatically assume she does not want to talk to you. Fortune-telling. You anticipate that things will turn out negatively, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact. For example, a woman waiting to take a routine mammogram assumes she will be told she has cancer. This is often referred to as anticipatory anxiety. 6. Magnification. You exaggerate the significance of a negative event or a mistake. For example, if your bus is late and you have an important meeting, you say to yourself, I cant take this. This is an exaggeration of course you can take this, you are already taking it. Conversely, you may inappropriately minimize positive personal qualities or events until they appear trivial. For example, when, complimented on an outstanding job, you say, No big deal. Emotional reasoning. You consider your emotions evidence of the truth. For example, you say, I feel inadequate and you think therefore I must be a worthless person. Should statements. You try to motivate yourself by saying, I should do this or I must do that. These statements not only make you feel pressured and resentful, but also, paradoxically, apathetic and unmotivated. Notice how much better it feels to say. I want to do that or I choose to do this. Should statements directed toward others usually annoy them.

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Labeling. This is name calling. When you make a mistake, rater than simply acknowledging this one mistake, you label yourself, saying, Im such a jerk or Im so stupid. Personalization and blame. You assume responsibility for a negative event when there is no basis for doing so. For example, a student does not do his homework, but the teacher feels worthless and inadequate because the student is not motivated. This causes unnecessary guilt and self-blame. Conversely, some people blame others for negative events or feelings, even when there is no basis for doing so. For example, a man stalled in his career might say, If my wife were more supportive, I would be a success.

COPING AND PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS


Many techniques can be used to cope with stressful situations. Work to develop a variety of coping strategies, because what works in one situation may not work in another. Above all, remember that coping is the art of finding a balance between acceptance and action, of letting go and taking control. If you feel that you can cope in a stressful situation, this minimizes or buffers the harmful effects of stress. You no longer feel threatened but simply challenged, and this has a different physiological effect. The experience which you are gaining by regularly eliciting the relaxation response gives you the skills to distance yourself from automatic thoughts, exaggerated beliefs, or distorted thinking, and to choose how you want to respond. The Following skills provide a variety of coping strategies from which to choose. Careful thought needs to be given to each situation in order to choose the most effective technique.

Distraction. Put aside a problem or stress until it can be dealt with more effectively. We call this the Scarlett OHara of coping techniques Ill think of it all tomorrow. For example, the stress created by a delayed flight might be handled with a good magazine. Or, if you are ready to confront an issue with someone, and they are not, it might be more effective to wait until tomorrow.

Direct action. Just do it! Acting directly on the problem can mean, for example, changing a behavior (such as stopping smoking or starting an exercise program), confronting a problem, changing an environment, connecting with friends, or volunteering, to name just a few. However, just as fear of action can be self-limiting, acting without discrimination can be just as limiting. Consider the situation of being angry with a friend and wanting to hash out the problem immediately (direct action). Your friend is upset and not ready to resolve the issue right now. In this case, insisting on direct action is ineffective and premature, even if it is your preferred coping style. Pausing to Stop, Breathe, and reflect often allows you to see possibilities differently from whatever you are most accustomed to.

Pro and con list. Another way to take a different perspective on a problem is to list the pros and cons of possible solutions. For instance, after fighting over whose family they would share the Easter holidays with, John and Mary were so angry they were not speaking to each other. To deal with this standoff, Mary made a pro and con list of possible solutions. She could persist in her anger and let it escalate, refuse to see her husbands point of view (making him angrier), or refuse to go anywhere that day. However, they could also compromise and have both sets of parents at their own house, visit both families briefly that day, or go to mutual friends. By creating this list, Mary saw that that she had some options. She was able to discuss the problem calmly, and they both agreed to have all the parents at their house.

Relaxation. When you feel stressed, do something you enjoy or find relaxing. At the end of a busy day example, you might take a moment to elicit the relaxation response or go for a run before settling into the evening. Studies have shown that individuals who take time to play, laugh, and relax are, in fact, more productive and content.

Reframing. Sometimes called situational redefinition, reframing is the ability to look at an event from a different perspective. The classic example is a glass filled to midway: is it half full or half empty? In describing a failed project, a patient who had originally been very stressed by failure reframed the experience with the familiar saying: Im not a failure if I dont succeed... Im success because I tried. Looking at the situation in this way, he no longer felt bad, and he was free to reexamine the project for possible new solutions.

Affirmations. Nothing erases unpleasant thoughts more effectively than concentration on pleasant ones. Hans Selye, M.D., stress researcher An affirmation is simply a positive thought a, short phrase or saying that has meaning for you. It can be a common adage such as One day at a time, or something that specifically address your life. You can create your own affirmation.

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