Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

post #4767 by Martina on May 5th, 2010, last updated May 5, 2010 Transcript written by and used with the courtesey of Angela Sugden Narrator This is a story of an ordinary little boy named Charlie Bucket. He was not faster or stronger or more clever than other children. His family was not rich, or powerful, or well-connected. In fact, they barely had enough to eat. Charlie Bucket was the luckiest boy in the entire world. He just didnt know it yet.

Mr Bucket Evening, Buckets.

Grandpa Joe Evening.

Charlie Hi, Dad.

Mrs Bucket Soups almost ready, darling. Er, dont suppose theres anything extra to put in, love. Oh well. Nothing goes better with cabbage than cabbage.

Mr Bucket Charlie I found something I think youll like.

Narrator Charlies father worked at the local toothpaste factory. The hours were long, and the pay was terrible yet occasionally there were unexpected surprises.

Charlie Its exactly what I need.

Grandpa Joe What is it, Charlie?

Charlie Dad found it, just the piece I needed.

Grandpa Joe What piece was it?

Charlie A head for Willy Wonka.

Grandma Josephine Well, how wonderful.

Grandpa Joe Its quite a likeness.

Charlie You think so?

Grandpa Joe Think so? I know so. I saw Willy Wonka with my own two eyes. I used to work for him, you know.

Charlie You did?

Grandpa Joe I did?

Grandma Josephine He did.

Grandpa George He did.

Grandma Georgina I love grapes.

Grandpa Joe Of course, I was a much younger man in those days. Willy Wonka began with a single store on Cherry Street. But the whole world wanted his candy. Mr Wonka.

Willy Wonka Yeah?

Grandpa Joe We need more Wonka bars and were out of chocolate birds.

Willy Wonka Birds? Birds. Well then, well need to make some more. Here. Now open.

Grandpa Joe The man was a genius. Did you know, he invented a new way of making chocolate ice cream, so that it stays cols for hours without a freezer? You can even leave it lying in the sun on a hot day, and it wont go runny.

Charlie But thats impossible.

Grandpa Joe But Willy Wonka did it. Before long, he decided to build a proper chocolate factory. The largest chocolate factory in history. Fifty times as big as any other.

Charlie Grandpa, dont make it gross.

Grandma Josephine Tell him about the Indian prince. Hed like to hear about that.

Grandpa Joe You mean Prince Pondicherry? Well, Prince Pondicherry wrote a letter to Mr Wonka and asked him to come all the way out to India and build him a colossal palace entirely out of chocolate.

Willy Wonka It will have one hundred rooms, and everything will be made of either dark or light chocolate.

Grandpa Joe

True to his word, the bricks were chocolate and the cement holding them together was chocolate. All the walls and ceilings were made of chocolate as well. So were the carpets and the pictures, and the furniture.

Prince Pondicherry It is perfect in every way.

Willy Wonka Yeah, but it wont last long. You better start eating right now.

Prince Pondicherry Oh, nonsense. I will not eat my palace. I intend to live in it.

Grandpa Joe But Mr Wonka was right, of course. Soon after this, there came a very hot day with a boiling sun. the prince sent and urgent telegram requesting a new palace, but Willy Wonka was facing problems of his own. All the other chocolate makers, you see, had grown jealous of Mr Wonka. They began sending in spies to steal his secret recipes. Ficklegruber started making an ice cream that would never melt. Prodnose came out with a chewing gum that never lost its flavour. Then Slugworth began making candy balloons that you could blow up to incredible sizes. The thievery got so bad that one day, without warning Mr Wonka told every single one of his workers to go home. He announced that he was closing his chocolate factory for ever.

Willy Wonka Im closing my chocolate factory. . . for ever. Im sorry.

Charlie But it didnt close for ever. Its open right now.

Mrs Bucket Ah, yes. Well, sometimes when grown-ups say for ever, they mean a very long time.

Grandpa George Such as, I feel like Ive eaten nothing but cabbage soup for ever.

Mr Bucket Now, Pops.

Grandma Josephine The factory did close, Charlie.

Grandpa Joe And it seemed like it was going to be closed for ever. Then one day we saw smoke rising from the chimneys. The factory was back in business.

Charlie Did you get your job back?

Grandpa Joe No. No one did.

Charlie But there must be people working there.

Grandma Josephine Think about it, Charlie. Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory, or coming out of it?

Charlie No. The gates are always closed.

Grandpa Joe Exactly.

Charlie But then, whos running the machines?

Mrs Bucket Nobody knows, Charlie.

Mr Bucket It certainly is a mystery.

Charlie Hasnt someone asked Mr Wonka?

Grandpa Joe Nobody sees him anymore. He never comes out. The only thing that comes out of that place, is the candy. . . already packed and addressed. Id give anything in the world just to go in one more time, and see whats become of that amazing factory.

Grandpa George Well, you wont, because you cant. no one can. Its a mystery and it will always be a mystery. That little factory of yours, Charlie, is as close as any of us is ever going to get.

Mrs Bucket Come on, Charlie. I think its time we let your grandparents get some sleep.

Charlie Good night, Grandpa George.

Grandpa George Night, Charlie.

Charlie Night-night.

Grandma Josephine Night-night.

Mrs Bucket Chair.

Mr Bucket Thank you, dear.

Charlie Night, Grandpa Joe. Good night, Grandma Georgina.

Grandma Georgina Nothings impossible, Charlie.

Charlie Good night.

All Night, Charlie.

Mrs Bucket Sleep well.

Narrator Indeed, that very night, the impossible had already been set in motion.

Willy Wonka (voice) Dear people of the world. . . I, Willy Wonka, have decided to allow five children to visit my factory this year. In addition, one of these children shall receive a special prize beyond anything you could ever imagine.

Newscaster Five golden tickets have been hidden under the ordinary wrapping paper of five ordinary Wonka bars. These five candy bars may be anywhere. . . in any shop, in any street, in any town, in any country in the world.

Grandpa Joe Wouldnt it be something, Charlie, to open a bar of candy and find a golden ticket inside?

Charlie I know, but I only get one bar a year, for my birthday.

Mrs Bucket Well, its your birthday next week.

Grandma Josephine You have as much chance as anybody does.

Grandpa George Balderdash. The kids whore going to find the golden tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day. Our Charlie gets only one a year. He doesnt have a chance.

Grandma Josephine

Everyone has a chance, Charlie.

Grandpa George Mark my words, the kid who finds the first ticket will be fat, fat, fat.

Press Man Augustus.

Press Woman This way.

Augustus I am eating the Wonka bar and I taste something, that is not chocolate. . . or coconut. . . or walnut, or peanut butter. . . or nougat. . . or butter brittle, or caramel, or sprinkles. So I look and, I find the golden ticket.

Press Man Augustus, how did you celebrate?

Augustus I eat more candy.

Mrs Gloop We knew Augustus would find the golden ticket. He eats so many candy bars a day that it was not possible for him not to find one.

Press Man Yes, it is good, Augustus. Zehr gut.

Voice on Television . . .golden ticket claimed and only four more. . .

Grandpa George Told you itd be a porker.

Grandma Josephine What a repulsive boy.

Charlie Only four golden tickets left.

Grandpa Joe Now that theyve found one, things will get really crazy.

Voice on Television . . .of every shape, size and hue.

Press Man Veruca. Can you spell that for us, please?

Veruca V-E-R-U-C-A. Veruca Salt.

Mr Salt Soon as my little Veruca told me she had to have one of these golden tickets, I started buying up all the Wonka bars I could lay my hands on. Thousands of them. Hundreds of thousands. Im in the nut business, you see. So I say to my workers, Morning, ladies. From now on you can stop shelling peanuts and start shelling the wrappers off these chocolate bars instead. Three days went by and we had no luck. Oh, it was terrible. My little Veruca got more and more upset each day.

Veruca Wheres my golden ticket? I want my golden ticket!

Mr Salt Well, gentlemen, I just hated to see my little girl feeling unhappy like that. I vowed I would keep up the search until I could give her what she wanted. And finally, I found her a ticket.

Veruca Daddy, I want another pony.

Grandpa George Shes even worse than the fat boy.

Charlie I dont think that was really fair. She didnt find the ticket herself.

Grandpa Joe Dont worry about it, Charlie. That man spoils his daughter. And no good ever comes from spoiling a child like that.

Mr Bucket Charlie, your Mum and I thought. . . maybe you wanna open your birthday present tonight.

Mrs Bucket Here you are.

Charlie Maybe I should wait till morning.

Grandpa George Like hell.

Mr Bucket Pop.

Grandpa Joe All together, were three hundred and eighty-one years old. We dont wait.

Mrs Bucket Now, Charlie, you mustnt feel too disappointed, you know, if you dont get the. . .

Mr Bucket Whatever happens, youll still have the candy.

Grandpa Joe Ah, well. Thats that.

Charlie Well share it.

Grandpa Joe Oh, no, Charlie. Not your birthday present.

Charlie Its my candy bar, and Ill do what I want with it.

Mrs Bucket Thank you, darling.

Mr Bucket Thank you, Charlie.

Grandma Josephine Bless you.

Grandpa Joe All right, lets see who found it.

Mr Bucket The third ticket was found by Miss Violet Beauregarde.

Mrs Beauregarde These are just some of the two hundred and sixty-three trophies and medals my Violet has won.

Violet Im a gum chewer, mostly, but when I heard about these ticket things I laid off the gum, switched to candy bars.

Mrs Beauregarde Shes just a driven young woman. I dont know where she gets it.

Violet Im the Junior World Champion Gum Chewer. This piece of gum, Im chewing right at this moment, Ive been working on for three months solid. Thats a record.

Mrs Beauregarde Of course, I did have my share of trophies, mostly baton.

Violet

So it says that one kids gonna get this special prize, better than all the rest. I dont care who those other four are. That kid, its gonna be me.

Mrs Beauregarde Tell them why, Violet.

Violet (on TV) Because Im a winner.

Grandma Josephine What a beastly girl.

Grandma Georgina Despicable.

Grandpa George You dont know what were talking about.

Grandma Georgina Dragonflies?

Man on TV But wait, this is just in. The fourth golden ticket has been found by a boy called Mike Teavee.

Mike All you had to do was track the manufacturing dates, offset by the weather and the derivative of the Nikkei Index. A retard could figure it out.

Mr Teavee Most of the time I dont know what hes talking about. You know, kids these days, what with all the technology. . .

Mike Die! Die! Die!

Mr Teavee Doesnt seem like they stay kids very long.

Mike In the end, I only had to buy one candy bar.

Press Man And how did it taste?

Mike I dont know. I hate chocolate.

Grandpa George Well, its a good thing youre going to a chocolate factory, you ungrateful little. . .

Man on TV That question is, who will be the winner of the last gold. . .

Charlie Dad?

Mr Bucket Yes, Charlie?

Charlie Why arent you at work?

Mr Bucket Oh, well, er, the toothpaste factory thought theyd give me a bit of time off.

Charlie Like summer vacation?

Mr Bucket Sure. Something like that.

Narrator In fact, it wasnt like a vacation at all. The upswing in candy sales had led to a rise in cavities, which led to a rise in toothpaste sales. With the extra money, the factory had decided to modernise, eliminating Mr Buckets job. Mr Bucket We were barely making ends meet as it was.

Mrs Bucket Youll find another job. Until then, Ill just, um. . . Well, Ill just thin down the soup a little more. Dont worry, Mr Bucket, our luck will change. I know it.

Grandpa Joe Charlie. My secret hoard. You and I, are going to have one more fling. . . at finding that last ticket.

Charlie Are you sure you want to spend your money on that, Grandpa?

Grandpa Joe Of course Im sure. Here. Run down to the nearest store, and buy the first Wonka candy bar you see. Bring it straight back, and well open it together. Such a good boy, really. Ah, such a good. . .

Charlie Grandpa? You fell asleep.

Grandpa Joe Have you got it? Which end should we open first?

Charlie Just do it quick, like a band-aid.

Man 1 Did you see that some kid in Russia found the last golden ticket?

Man 2 Yes, it was in the paper this morning.

Man 1 Good boy. Come on George. Good boy.

Charlie One Wonka Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight, please.

Shopkeeper Okay. Here.

Woman 1 The nerve of some people.

Shopkeeper I know. Forging a ticket. Come on. Its a golden ticket. You found Wonkas last golden ticket. In my shop too!

Man Listen. Ill buy it from you. Ill give you fifty dollars, and a new bicycle.

Woman 2 Are you crazy? Id give him five-hundred dollars for that ticket. You wanna sell me your ticket for five-hundred dollars, young man?

Shopkeeper Thats enough of that. Leave the kid alone. Listen, dont let anyone have it. Take it straight home. You understand?

Charlie Thank you. Mom! Dad! I found it! The last golden ticket! Its mine!

Grandpa Joe Yippee! Here. Read it aloud. Lets hear exactly what it says.

Mr Bucket Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this golden ticket, from Mr Willy Wonka. I shake you warmly by the hand. For now, I do invite you to come to my factory and be my guest for one whole day.

Violet I, Willy Wonka, will conduct you around the factory myself, showing you everything there is to see.

Augustus Afterwards, when it is time to leave, you will be escorted home by a procession of large trucks, each filled with all the chocolate you could ever eat.

Veruca And remember, one of you lucky five children will receive an extra prize beyond your wildest imagination. Now, here are your instructions.

Mike On the first of February, you must come to the factory gates at ten a.m. sharp. Youre allowed to bring one member of your family to look after you. Until then, Willy Wonka.

Mrs Bucket The first of February. But thats tomorrow.

Grandpa Joe Then theres not a moment to lose. Wash your face, comb your hair, scrub your hands, brush your teeth, blow your nose.

Grandpa George And get that mud off your pants.

Mrs Bucket Now we must all try and keep very calm. First thing that we have to decide is this: Who is going, with Charlie, to the factory?

Grandpa Joe I will. Ill take him. You leave it to me.

Mrs Bucket How about you, dear? Dont you think you ought to go?

Mr Bucket Well, Grandpa Joe seems to know more about it than we do. . . Provided, of course, he feels well enough.

Grandpa Joe Yippee!

Charlie

No. Were not going. A woman offered me five-hundred dollars for the ticket. I bet someone else would pay more. We need the money more than we need the chocolate.

Grandpa George Young man, come here. Theres plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, theres only five of them in the whole world, and thats all theres ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?

Charlie No, sir.

Grandpa George Then get that mud off your pants. Youve got a factory to go to.

Veruca Daddy, I want to go in.

Mr Salt Its nine-fifty-nine, sweetheart.

Veruca Make time go faster.

Charlie Do you think Mr Wonka will recognise you?

Grandpa Joe Hard to say. Its been years.

Mrs Beauregarde Eyes on the prize, Violet. Eyes on the prize.

Willy Wonka (voice) Please enter. Come forward. Close the gates. Dear visitors, it is my great pleasure to welcome you to my humble factory. And who am I? Well. . .

Puppet Song

Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, The amazing chocolatier. Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, Everybody give a cheer! Hooray! Hes modest, clever and so smart, He barely can restrain it. With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it! To contain it! To contain, to contain, to contain! Hooray! Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, Hes the one that youre about to meet. Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, Hes the genius who just cant be beat. The magician and the chocolate whiz. The best darn guy who ever lived. Willy Wonka, here he is! The amazing chocolatier.

Willy Wonka Wasnt that just magnificent? I was worried it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but then that finale. . . Wow!

Violet Who are you?

Grandpa Joe Hes Willy Wonka.

Charlie Really?

Willy Wonka Good morning, starshine. The earth says hello. Dear guests, greetings. Welcome to the factory. I shake you warmly by the hand. My name is Willy Wonka.

Veruca Then shouldnt you be up there?

Willy Wonka Well, I couldnt very well watch the show from up there, now, could I, little girl?

Grandpa Joe Mr Wonka, I dont know if youll remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.

Willy Wonka Were you one of those despicable spies who every day tried to steal my lifes work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat, candy making cads?

Grandpa Joe

No, sir.

Willy Wonka Then wonderful. Welcome back. Lets get a move on, kids.

Augustus Dont you want to know our names?

Willy Wonka Cant imagine how it would matter. Come quickly. For too much to see. Just drop your coats anywhere.

Mr Teavee Mr Wonka? Sure is toasty in here.

Willy Wonka What? Oh, yeah. I have to keep it warm in here, because my workers are used to an extremely hot climate. They just cant stand the cold.

Charlie Who are the workers?

Willy Wonka All in good time. Now. . .

Violet Mr Wonka, Im Violet Beauregarde.

Willy Wonka Oh? I dont care.

Violet Well, you should care. Because Im the girl thats gonna win the special prize at the end.

Willy Wonka Well, you do seem confident, and confidence is key.

Veruca Im Veruca Salt. Its very nice to meet you, sir.

Willy Wonka I always thought that a veruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot. Ha!

Augustus Im Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate.

Willy Wonka I can see that. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common. You. . . youre Mike Teavee. Youre the little devil who cracked the system. And you. Well, youre just lucky to be here, arent you? And the rest of you must be their. . .

Mr Salt Parents.

Willy Wonka Yeah. Moms and dads. Dad? Papa? Okay, then. Lets move along.

Augustus Would you like some chocolate?

Charlie Sure.

Augustus Then you should have brought some.

Veruca Lets be friends.

Violet Best friends.

Willy Wonka An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.

Mike Then why is the door so small?

Willy Wonka Thats to keep all the great big chocolaty flavour inside. Now, do be careful, me dear children. Dont lose your heads. Dont get overexcited. Just keep very calm.

Charlie Its beautiful.

Willy Wonka What? Oh, yeah, its very beautiful. Every drop of the river, is hot, melted chocolate of the finest quality. The waterfall is most important. Mixes the chocolate. Churns it up. Makes it light and frothy. By the way no other factory in the world, mixes its chocolate by waterfall, my dear children. And you can take that to the bank. People. Those pipes suck up the chocolate, and carry it away, all over the factory. Thousands of gallons an hour. Yeah. And do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass. Please have a blade. Please do. Its so delectable and so darn good-looking.

Charlie You can eat the grass?

Willy Wonka Of course you can. Everything in this room is edible. Even Im edible. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is, in fact frowned upon in most societies. Yeah. Enjoy. Go on. Scoot, scoot.

Mr Teavee Son. Please.

Mike Dad, he said, enjoy.

Charlie Why hold onto it? Why not just start a new piece?

Violet Because then I wouldnt be a champion. Id be a loser, like you.

Veruca Daddy, look over there. What is it? Its a little person. Over there, by the waterfall.

Mrs Beauregarde Theres two of them.

Mr Teavee Theres more than two.

Mrs Gloop Where do they come from?

Charlie Who are they?

Mike Are they real people?

Willy Wonka Of course theyre real people. Theyre Oompa-Loompas.

Mr Salt Oompa-Loompas?

Willy Wonka Imported, direct from Loompaland.

Mr Teavee Theres no such place.

Willy Wonka What?

Mr Teavee Mr Wonka, I teach high-school geography, and Im here to tell you

Willy Wonka Well, then youll know all about it, and, oh, what a terrible country it is. The whole place is nothing but think jungles infested by the most dangerous beasts in the entire world. Hornswogglers and snozzwangers and those terrible, wicked whangdoodles. I went to Loompaland looking for exotic new flavours for candy. Instead, I found the Oompa-Loompas. They lived in tree houses to escape from the fierce creatures who lived below. The Oompa-Loompas ate nothing but green caterpillars, which tasted revolting. The Oompa-Loompas kept looking for other things to mash up with the caterpillars to make them taste better. Red beetles, the bark of the bong-bong tree. All of them beastly, but not quite so beastly as the caterpillars. But the food they longed for the most was the cocoa bean. An Oompa-Loompa was lucky if he found three or four cocoa beans a year. But, oh, how they craved them. All theyd ever think about was cocoa beans. The cocoa bean happens to be the thing from which chocolate is made, so I told the chief (Uses sign language to say, Come live in my factory. You can have all the cocoa beans you want! I will even pay your wages in cocoa beans if you wish!) They are such wonderful workers. I feel I must warn you, though, they are rather mischievous. Always making jokes.

Mrs Gloop Augustus, my child, that is not a good thing you do!

Willy Wonka Hey, little boy. My chocolate must be untouched by human hands.

Mrs Gloop Hell drown! He cant swim! Save him! Augustus! No! Augustus! Augustus! Watch out!

Violet There he goes.

Mrs Gloop Call the fire brigade!

Mrs Beauregarde Its a wonder how that pipe is big enough.

Charlie It isnt big enough. Hes slowing down.

Mike Hes gonna stick.

Mr Teavee I think he has.

Mr Salt Hes blocked the whole pipe.

Charlie Look. The Oompa-Loompas.

Veruca What are they doing?

Willy Wonka Why, I believe theyre going to treat us to a little song. It is quite a special occasion of course. They havent had a fresh audience in many a moon.

Oompa-Loompas Sing Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop, The great big, greedy nincompoop, Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, So greedy, foul and infantile, Come on! we cried the time is ripe, To sent him shooting up the pipe! But dont, dear children, be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed. Although, of course, we must admit, He will be altered quite a bit, Slowly wheels go round and round, And cogs begin to grind and pound, This greedy brute, this louses ear, Is loved by people everywhere, For who could hate or bear a grudge, Against a luscious bit if fudge?

Willy Wonka Bravo! Well done! Arent they delightful? Arent they charming?

Mr Salt I do say, that all seemed rather rehearsed.

Mike Like they knew it was gonna happen.

Willy Wonka Oh, poppycock.

Mrs Gloop Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?

Willy Wonka That pipe, it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry flavoured, chocolate-coated fudge.

Mrs Gloop Then he will be made into strawberry flavoured, chocolate-coated fudge. Theyll be selling him by the pound all over the world?

Willy Wonka No. I wouldnt allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustusflavoured, chocolate coated Gloop? Ooh. No-one would buy it. I want you to take Mrs Gloop up to the fudge room, okay? Help her find her son. Take a long stick and start poking around in the big chocolate-mixing barrel, okay?

Charlie Mr Wonka?

Willy Wonka Huh?

Charlie Why would Augustus name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song, unless. . .?

Willy Wonka Improvisation is a parlour trick. Anyone can do it. You, little girl. Say something. Anything.

Violet Chewing gum.

Willy Wonka Chewing gum is really gross, Chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.

Mike No, it isnt.

Willy Wonka Er, you really shouldnt mumble. Because I cant understand a word youre saying. Now, on with the tour.

Charlie Are the Oompa-Loompas really joking?

Grandpa Joe Of course theyre joking. That boy will be fine.

Violet Whats so funny?

Willy Wonka I think its from all those doggone cocoa beans. Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.

Mrs Beauregarde You dont say.

Willy Wonka All aboard. Onward! Here. Try some of this. Itll do you good. You look starved to death. Charlie Its great.

Willy Wonka Thats because its mixed by waterfall. The waterfall is most important. Mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy. Oh, by the way, no other factory in the world. . .

Veruca You already said that.

Willy Wonka Youre all quite short, arent you?

Violet

Well, yeah. Were children.

Willy Wonka Well, thats no excuse. I was never as short as you.

Mike You were once.

Willy Wonka Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.

Charlie Do you even remember what it was like being a kid?

Willy Wonka Oh, boy, do I. Do I?

Narrator In fact, Willy Wonka hadnt thought about his childhood for years.

Children Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

Woman Who do we have here? Ruthie, Veronica, Terrance. And whos that under the sheet? Little Willy Wonka.

Narrator Willy Wonka was the son of the citys most famous dentist. . . Wilbur Wonka.

Wilbur Wonka Now, lets see what the damage is this year, shall we? Caramels. Theyd get stuck in your braces, wouldnt they? Lollipops. Ought to be called cavities on a stick. Then we have all this. . . All this. . . chocolate. You know, just last week, I was reading in a very important medical journal that some children are allergic to chocolate. Makes their noses itch.

Willy Wonka

Maybe Im not allergic. I could try a piece.

Wilbur Wonka Really? But why take a chance?

Charlie Mr Wonka? Mr Wonka? Were headed for a tunnel.

Willy Wonka Oh, yeah. Full speed ahead.

Violet How can they see where theyre going?

Willy Wonka They cant. Theres no knowing where theyre going. Switch on the lights! People, keep an eye out. Were passing some very important rooms here.

Mrs Beauregarde What do you use hair cream for?

Willy Wonka To lock in moisture.

Charlie Whipped cream.

Willy Wonka Precisely.

Veruca That doesnt make sense.

Willy Wonka For your information, little girl. . . whipped cream isnt whipped cream at all unless its been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that. Stop the boat. I wanna show you guys something. Now, this is the most important room in the entire factory. Now, everyone, enjoy yourselves, but just dont. . . touch anything. Okay? Go on. Go on, scoot.

Violet Hey, Mr Wonka, whats this?

Willy Wonka Oh, let me show you. Thank you. These are Everlasting Gobstoppers. Theyre for children who are given very little allowance money. You can suck on it all year, and itll never get any smaller. Isnt that neat?

Violet Its like gum.

Willy Wonka No. Gum is for chewing. And if you tried chewing one of these Gobstoppers, youd break all your little teeth off. They sure do taste terrific. And this is hair toffee. You suck down one of these little boogers, and in exactly half an hour a brand new crop of hair will start growing out all over the top of your little noggin. And a mustache. And a beard.

Mike Who wants a beard?

Willy Wonka Well beatniks, for one. Folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super-cool, neat, keen and groovy cats. Its in the fridge, daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what Im laying down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother. Unfortunately, the mixture isnt quite right yet. Because an OompaLoompa tried some yesterday, and, well, he How are you today? You look great. Watch this.

Mike You mean thats it?

Willy Wonka Do you even know what it is?

Violet Its gum.

Willy Wonka

Yeah. Its a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe. Know why? Know why? Cause this gum is a full three-course dinner all by itself.

Mr Salt Why would anyone want that?

Willy Wonka It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking. Just a little strip of Wonkas magic chewing gum and that is all you will ever need at breakfast, lunch and dinner. This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef and blueberry pie.

Grandpa Joe It sounds great.

Veruca It sounds weird.

Violet It sounds like my kinda gum.

Willy Wonka I, Id rather you didnt. Theres still one or two thing that are. . .

Violet Im the world-record holder in chewing gum. Im not afraid of anything.

Mrs Beauregarde How is it, honey?

Violet Its amazing! Tomato soup. I can feel it running down my throat.

Willy Wonka Yeah. Spit it out.

Grandpa Joe Young lady, I think youd better. . .

Violet Its changing. Roast beef with baked potato. Crispy skin and butter.

Mrs Beauregarde Keep chewing, kiddo. My little girls gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing-gum meal.

Willy Wonka Yeah. Im just a little concerned about the. . .

Violet Blueberry pie and ice cream.

Willy Wonka That part.

Veruca Whats happening to her nose?

Mr Salt Its turning blue.

Mrs Beauregarde Your whole nose has gone purple.

Violet What do you mean?

Mrs Beauregarde Violet, youre turning violet. Whats happening?

Willy Wonka Well, I told you I hadnt got it quite right. Cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the desert. Its the blueberry pie that does it. Im terribly sorry.

Violet Mother? Whats happening to me?

Grandpa Joe Shes swelling up.

Charlie Like a blueberry.

Willy Wonka Ive tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas, and each one ended up as a blueberry. Its just weird.

Mrs Beauregarde But I cant have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?

Veruca You could put her in a county fair.

Oompa-Loompas Sing Yeah, yeah, Yeah, Listen close, and listen hard, To the tale of Violet Beauregarde, This gentle girl, She sees no wrong, In chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long. Yeah. She goes on chewing till, at last, Her chewing muscles grow so vast, And from her face, Her giant chin, Sticks out like a violin, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long. For years and years she chews away, Her jaws get stronger every day, And with one great tremendous chew, They bite the poor girls tongue in two, And that is why we try so hard, To save Miss Violet Beauregarde, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long.

Violet Mr Wonka!

Willy Wonka I want you to roll Miss Beauregarde into the boat and take her along to the juicing room at once, okay?

Mrs Beauregarde The juicing room? What are they gonna do to her there?

Willy Wonka

Theyre gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple. We gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately.

Violet Mother, help me. Please.

Willy Wonka Come on. Lets boogie. Without the boat, well have to move double-time just to keep on schedule. Theres far too much to see.

Charlie Mr Wonka?

Willy Wonka Yeah?

Charlie Why did you decide to let people in?

Willy Wonka Well, so they could see the factory, of course.

Charlie But why now? And why only five?

Mike Whats the special prize, and who gets it?

Willy Wonka The best kind of prize is a sur-prise.

Veruca Will Violet always be a blueberry?

Willy Wonka No. Maybe. I dont know. But thats what you get from chewing gum all day. Its just disgusting.

Mike If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?

Willy Wonka Once again, you really shouldnt mumble. Cos its kinda starting to bum me out.

Charlie Can you remember the first candy you ever ate?

Willy Wonka No.

Narrator In fact, Willy Wonka did remember the first candy he ever ate.

Willy Wonka Im sorry, I was having a flashback.

Mr Salt I see.

Mr Teavee These flashbacks happen often?

Willy Wonka Increasingly. . . today.

Mr Salt Ah, this is a room I know all about. For you see, Mr Wonka, I, myself, am in the nut business. Are you using the Havermax four thousand to do your sorting?

Willy Wonka No. Youre really weird.

Veruca Squirrels.

Willy Wonka

Yeah. Squirrels. These squirrels are specially trained to get the nuts out of shells.

Mr Salt You use squirrels? Why not use Oompa-Loompas?

Willy Wonka Because only squirrels can get the whole walnut out almost every single time. You see how they tap each one with their little knuckles to make sure its not bad? Oh, look. Look. I think that ones got a bad nut.

Veruca Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels. I want one.

Mr Salt Veruca, dear, you have many marvelous pets.

Veruca All Ive got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle and a silly old hamster. I want a squirrel!

Mr Salt All right, pet. Daddy will get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.

Veruca But I dont want any old squirrel, I want a trained squirrel.

Mr Salt Very well. Mr Wonka, how much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.

Willy Wonka Oh, theyre not for sale. She cant have one.

Veruca Daddy.

Willy Wonka (Impersonates Mr Salt) Im sorry, darling. Mr Wonkas being unreasonable.

Veruca If you wont get me a squirrel, Ill get one myself.

Mr Salt Veruca.

Willy Wonka Little girl?

Mr Salt Veruca, come back here at once. Veruca.

Willy Wonka Little girl? Dont touch that squirrels nuts. Itll make him crazy.

Veruca Ill have you.

Mr Salt Veruca. Veruca. Veruca!

Willy Wonka Lets find the key. Nope. Not that one.

Veruca Daddy!

Mr Salt Veruca!

Willy Wonka No. There it is. There it isnt.

Veruca Daddy, I want them to stop.

Charlie What are they doing?

Willy Wonka Theyre testing to see if shes a bad nut. Oh, my goodness. She is a bed nut after all.

Mr Salt Veruca!

Veruca Daddy!

Mr Salt Where are they taking her?

Willy Wonka Where all the other bad nuts go. To the garbage chute.

Mr Salt Where does the chute go?

Willy Wonka To the incinerator. But dont worry. We only light it on Tuesdays.

Mike Today is Tuesday.

Willy Wonka Well, theres always the chance they decided not to light it today. Now, she may be stuck in the chute just below the top. If thats the case, all you have to do is just reach in and pull her out. Okay?

Oompa-Loompas Sing Veruca Salt the little brute, Has just gone down the garbage chute, And she will meet, as she descends, A rather different set of friends, A rather different set of friends, A rather different set of friends, a fish head, for example, cut, This morning from a halibut, An oyster from an oyster stew, A steak that no-one else would chew, And lots of other things as well, Each with its rather horrid smell, Horrid smell, These are Verucas newfound friends, That she will meet as she descends, These are Verucas newfound friends. Who went and spoiled her, who indeed? Who pandered to her

every need? Who turned her into such a brat? Who are the culprits? Who did that? The guilty ones, now this is sad, Are dear old Mum and loving Dad.

Willy Wonka Oh, really? Oh, good. Ive just been informed that the incinerators broken. So there should be about three weeks of rotten garbage to break their fall.

Mr Teavee Well, thats good news.

Willy Wonka Yeah. Well, lets keep on trucking. I dont know why I didnt think of this earlier. The elevators by far the most efficient way to get around the factory.

Mike There cant be this many floors.

Willy Wonka How do you know, Mr Smarty-Pants? And this isnt just an ordinary up and down elevator, by the way. This elevator can go sideways, longways, slantways, and any other ways you can think of. You just press any button and, whoosh, youre off. Oh, look. Look. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to fudge mountain. Oh Id rather not talk about this one. This is the puppet hospital and burn centre. Its relatively new. Ah, the administration offices. Hello, Doris.

Mike Why is everything here completely pointless?

Charlie Candy doesnt have to have a point. Thats why its candy.

Mike Its stupid.

Wilbur Wonka Candy is a waste of time. No son of mine is going to be a chocolatier.

Young Willie Then Ill run away. To Switzerland. Bavaria. The candy capitals of the world.

Wilbur Wonka Go ahead. But I wont be here when you come back.

Guard Sorry, son. Were closing for the night.

Mike I wanna pick a room.

Willie Wonka Go ahead. Here. Put these on quick, and dont take them off whatever you do. This light could burn your eyeballs right out of your skulls. And we certainly dont want that, now, do we? This is the testing room for my very latest and greatest invention: Television Chocolate. One day it occurred to me. . . Hey, if television can break up a photograph into millions and millions of tiny little pieces and send it whizzing through the air, then reassemble it on the other end. . . Why cant I do the same thing with chocolate? Why cant I, send a real bar of chocolate through the television, all ready to be eaten?

Oprah Winfrey (TV) Im not gonna touch it. Im not going in that direction.

Mr Teavee Sounds impossible.

Mike It is impossible. You dont understand anything about science. First off, theres a difference between waves and particles. Duh! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy in matter would be like nine atomic bombs. Willie Wonka Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a single word youre saying. Okey-dokey. I shall now send a bar of chocolate from one end of the room. . . to the other, by television. Bring in the chocolate! Its gotta be real big, cos you know how on TV you can film a regular-size man, and he comes out looking this tall? Same basic principle.

Charlie Its gone!

Willie Wonka

Told you. Now, that bar of chocolate is now rushing through the air above our heads in a million tiny little pieces. Come over here. Come on. Come on. Come on! Watch the screen. Here it comes. Oh, look. Take it.

Mike Its just a picture on a screen.

Willie Wonka Scaredy-cat. You take it. Go on. Just reach out and grab it. Go on.

Grandpa Joe Holy buckets.

Willie Wonka Eat it. Go on. Itll be delicious. Its the same bar. Its just gotten a little smaller on the journey, thats all.

Charlie Its great.

Grandpa Joe Its a miracle.

Willie Wonka So imagine, ah, youre sitting at home watching television and suddenly a commercial will flash onto the screen, and a voice will say, Wonkas chocolates are the best in the world. If you dont believe us, try one for yourself. And you simply reach out. . . and take it. How about that?

Mr Teavee So can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?

Willie Wonka Do you have any idea what breakfast cereals made of? Its those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.

Charlie But could you send it by television if you wanted to?

Willie Wonka Of course I could.

Mike What about people?

Willie Wonka Well, why would I want to send a person? They dont taste very good at all.

Mike Dont you realise what youve invented? Its a teleporter. Its the most important invention in the history of the world. And all you think about is chocolate.

Mr Teavee Calm down, Mike. I think Mr Wonka knows what hes talking about.

Mike No, he doesnt. He has no idea. You think hes a genius, but hes an idiot. But Im not.

Willie Wonka Hay, little boy. Dont push my button.

Mr Teavee Hes gone.

Willie Wonka Lets go check the television, see what we get. I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.

Mr Teavee What do you mean?

Willie Wonka Well, sometimes only half the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?

Mr Teavee What kind of a question is that?

Willie Wonka No need to snap. Just a question. Try every channel. Im starting to feel a little anxious.

Charlie There he is.

Mr Teavee Mike.

Oompa-Loompas Sing The most important thing, That weve ever learned, The most important thing weve learned, As far as children are concerned, Is never, never let them near, The television set, Or better still just dont install, The idiotic thing at all, Never, never let them, Never, never let them, Never, never let them, Never, never let them, It rots the senses in the head, It keeps imagination dead, It clogs and clutters up the mind, It makes a child so dull and blind, So dull, so dull, He can no longer understand, A fairy tale, a fairyland, A fairyland, a fairyland, His brain becomes as soft as cheese, His thinking powers rust and freeze, He cannot think, he only sees. Regarding little Mike Teavee, We very much regret that we, Regret that we, Shall simply have to wait and see, Wait and see, wait and see, Wait and see, wait and see, wait and see, We very much regret that we, Shall simply have to wait and see, If we can get him back his height, But if we cant, It serves him right.

Willy Wonka Ooh, somebody grab him.

Mike Help me. Help me.

Willy Wonka Oh, thank heavens. Hes completely unharmed.

Mr Teavee Unharmed? What are you talking about?

Mike Just put me back in the other way.

Willy Wonka There is no other way. Its television, not telephone. Theres quite a difference.

Mr Teavee And what exactly do you propose to do about it?

Willy Wonka I dont know. But young men are extremely springy. They stretch like mad. Ah! Lets go put him in the taffy puller.

Mr Teavee Taffy puller?!

Willy Wonka Hey, that was my idea. Boy, is he gonna be skinny. Yeah. Taffy puller. I want you to take Mr Teavee and his little boy, up to the taffy puller, okay? Stretch him out. On with the tour. Theres still so much left to see. Now, how many children are left?

Grandpa Joe Mr Wonka, Charlies the only one left now.

Willy Wonka You mean, youre the only one?

Charlie Yes.

Willy Wonka What happened to the others? Oh, my dear boy, but that means youve won. Oh, I do congratulate you. I really do. Im absolutely delighted. I had a hunch you know, right from the beginning. Well done. Now, we mustnt dilly, or dally. Because we have an enormous number of things to do before the days out. But luckily for us, we have the great glass elevator to speed things al. . . Speed things along. Come on.

Charlie Up and out? What kind of room is that?

Willy Wonka Hold on. Oh, my goodness. Were gonna need to go much faster, otherwise well just never break through.

Charlie Break through what?

Willy Wonka Ive been longing to press that button for years. Well, here we go. Up and out!

Grandpa Joe But do you really mean. . .?

Willy Wonka Yeah, I do.

Grandpa Joe But its made of glass. Itll smash into a million pieces.

Mrs Gloop Augustus, please, dont eat your fingers.

Augustus But I taste so good.

Violet Look, Mother. Im much more flexible now.

Mrs Beauregarde Yes, but youre blue.

Veruca Daddy, I want a flying glass elevator.

Mr Salt Veruca, the only thing youre getting today is a bath, and thats final.

Veruca But I want it.

Willy Wonka Where do you live?

Charlie Right over there. That little house.

Mrs Bucket What time do you think theyll be back?

Mr Bucket Hard to know, dear.

Grandma Georgina I think theres someone at the door.

Charlie Hi, Mom.

Mrs Bucket Hi.

Charlie Mom. Dad. Were back.

Mr Bucket Charlie.

Mrs Bucket Charlie.

Mr Bucket Goodness.

Charlie This is Willy Wonka. He gave us a ride home.

Mrs Bucket I see that.

Willy Wonka You must be the boys. . .

Mr Bucket Parents?

Willy Wonka Yeah. That.

Grandpa Joe He says Charlies won something.

Willy Wonka Not just some something. The most something something of any something thats ever been. Im gonna give this little boy my entire factory.

Grandpa Joe You must be joking.

Willy Wonka No, really. Its true. Because, you see, a few months ago, I was having my semiannual haircut. . . and I had the strangest revelation. In that one silver hair, I saw reflected my lifes work, my factory, my beloved Oompa-Loompas. Who would watch over them after I was gone? I realised in that moment, I must find and Heir. And I did, Charlie. You.

Charlie Thats why you sent out the golden tickets.

Willy Wonka Ah-ha.

Mrs Bucket What are Oompa-Loompas?

Willy Wonka I invited five children to the factory and the one who was the least rotten would be the winner.

Grandpa Joe Thats you, Charlie.

Willy Wonka So what do you say? Are you ready to leave all this behind and come live with me at the factory?

Charlie Sure. Of course. I mean, its all right if my family come too?

Willy Wonka Oh, my dear boy, of course they cant. You cant run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offence.

Grandpa George None taken, jerk.

Willy Wonka A chocolatier has to run free and solo. He has to follow his dreams. Gosh darn the consequences. Look at me. I had no family, and Im a giant success.

Charlie So if I go with you to the factory, I wont ever see my family again?

Willy Wonka Yeah. Consider that a bonus.

Charlie Then Im not going. I wouldnt give up my family for anything. Not for all the chocolate in the world.

Willy Wonka Oh, I see. Thats weird. Theres other candy too besides chocolate.

Charlie Im sorry, Mr Wonka. Im staying here.

Willy Wonka Wow. Well, thats just. . . unexpected. . . and weird. But I suppose, in that case, Ill just. . . Goodbye, then. Sure you wont change your mind?

Charlie Im sure.

Willy Wonka Okay. Bye.

Grandma Georgina Things are going to get much better.

Narrator And for once, Grandma Georgina knew exactly what she was talking about. The next morning, Charlie helped his parents fix the hole in the roof. Grandpa Joe spent the whole day out of bed. He didnt feel tired at all. Charlies father got a better job at the toothpaste factory. . . repairing the machine that had replaced him. Things had never been better for the Bucket family. The same could not be said for Willy Wonka.

Willy Wonka I cant put my finger on it. Candys always been the only thing I was ever certain of and now Im just not certain at all. I dont know which flavours to make. I dont know which ideas to try. Im second-guessing my self, which is nuts. Ive always made whatever candy I felt like, and I. . . Thats just it, isnt it? I make the candy I feel like, but now I feel terrible, so the candys terrible. Youre very good. Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendell, er, Walter.

Charlie Willy Wonka.

Willy Wonka Thats the one. Says here in the paper his new candies arent selling very well. But I suppose hes just a rotten egg who deserves it.

Charlie Yep.

Willy Wonka Oh, really? You ever met him?

Charlie I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didnt turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.

Willy Wonka I do not!

Charlie Why are you here?

Willy Wonka I dont feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?

Charlie My family.

Willy Wonka Euw.

Charlie What do you have against my family?

Willy Wonka Its not just your family. Its the whole idea of. . . You know, theyre always telling you what to do, what not to do, and its not conducive to a creative atmosphere.

Charlie Usually theyre just trying to protect you because they love you. If you dont believe me, you should ask.

Willy Wonka Ask who? My father? No way. At least, not by myself.

Charlie You want me to go with you?

Willy Wonka

Hey. Hey, what a good idea. Yeah! And you know what? I got transp. . . I have to be more careful where I park this thing. I think weve got the wrong house.

Wilbur Wonka Do you have an appointment?

Charlie No. But hes overdue.

Wilbur Wonka Open. Now, lets see what the damage is, shall we? Heavens. I havent seen bicuspids like these since. . . Since. . . Willy?

Willy Wonka Hi, Dad.

Wilbur Wonka All these years. . . and you havent flossed.

Willy Wonka Not once.

Narrator It was on this day that Willy Wonka repeated his offer to Charlie, who accepted on one condition.

Charlie Sorry were late. We were brainstorming.

Grandpa George Though I heard thunder.

Mr Bucket You staying for dinner, Willy?

Willy Wonka Yes, please.

Grandpa Joe Ill shuffle the plates.

Grandma Georgina You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.

Willy Wonka Oh, thank you. You smell like. . . old people and soap. I like it.

Grandma Josephine Elbows off the table, Charlie.

Willy Wonka How do you feel about little raspberry kites?

Charlie With licorice instead of string.

Mrs Bucket Boys, no business at the dinner table.

Charlie Sorry, Mom.

Willy Wonka I think youre on to something, though, Charlie.

Narrator In the end, Charlie Bucket won a chocolate factory. But Willy Wonka got something even better. . . A family. And one thing was absolutely certain. . . Life had never been sweeter.