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Wired for Success TV

Mastering the 7 Areas of Life

www.wiredforsuccess.tv Presented by
Melanie Gabriel & Beryl Thomas

[Episode 7] Women Improve with Age, Science says So

Women Improve With Age_ Science Says So - Wired For Success [Episode 7] [0:00:13] Beryl: Hello and welcome to another episode of http://www.wiredforsuccess.tv. I am Beryl Thomas and Im joined by my colleague, Melanie Gabriel. Say hi, Melanie. Melanie: Hello, everyone. Beryl: Wired for Success is here to help you to master the seven areas of life to create a life that is everything that you want it to be. And for which, you are already innately wired. For more information of what those seven areas are, then just head over to our introductory blog at WiredforSuccess.TV. Today, our very special guest is psychologist and neuroscientist, Dr. Lynda Shaw. Let me first just say that Lynda makes science fun and fascinating. She also makes it relevant to our everyday lives, in relationships, in business, and in the workplace. Lynda has an extremely varying background that includes being a researcher, a lecturer, an entrepreneur, and even an author of childrens books. Fascinated by brain function, Lyndas research has focused on brain impairment and aging. And her interest in spirituality lends itself to her research into consciousness and emotion. Today, Lynda is going to enlighten us on the new role for women as they past the child-rearing years and extremely powerful impact that they are right to have on society. So hello and welcome, Lynda. Lynda: Hello. Thank you. Beryl: Lovely to have you with us. So Lynda, can I just start by asking you what is it that makes Western women who are past their baby-making years seemingly invisible to the rest of society?
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Lynda: I think what youve just said about past their baby-making years is the prejudice that women now faced with in the West. If you look at the indigenous societies, they have women who are older who are going through the menopause, they look after their grandchildren. Of course, in our society, thats what we used to do. My grandmother was an integral part of my upbringing whilst my mother went to work. But these days, that no longer happens. So therefore, women as they get older seem to have lost their role in life. But what were underestimating is we got more and more and more and more and more people are getting older and older. So therefore, we are not aware of their usefulness beyond looking after children or in fact, for women looking after children which is nonsense because actually, women are hormonally geared up to be in their best possible place after the menopause to embrace business, to embrace charities, to embrace self-development, and to really grow and inspire others. Beryl: So, what is it that makes them really powerful at this point? What is it that thats going on that makes them gives them this ability to be so powerful in society? Lynda: OK. Well, we are our behavior is based on our hormones. For instance, at 6 to 12 weeks gestation when a fetus is 6 to 12 weeks in development, we get to be depending on the genetic code whether the baby is male or female, we get a surge of hormones, estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, so on and so forth. And of course as women, we get the lion share of the estrogen. So then we start to see at that point in development, we see the laying down of the genitalia, what we called into which gender we are. And also, there are some structure differences going on in the brain. Now, these structure differences are quite controversial because there are many scientists who say one thing and others will say the opposite. So were still investigating this very much. But we do believe that we lay down a larger communication system when were female and a larger limiting [0:03:47] [Phonetic] system which is all to do with emotions. So we are more emotionally in tuned with people.

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So there are structures of different systems that we believe happen. And then if you fast forward it a little bit, when that child is born and then they reached puberty, theres another big surge of hormone going on depending on which gender the child is. So for a female, we get another big dump of estrogen. Were all over the place and we very badly need to communicate. We very badly need to talk to our girlfriends. I can remember when I was at school, I had a best friend of course, and my best friend and I would talk all day long and then be on the phone all evening. It was vital that I spoke to my friend in the evening. And my father used to be beside himself saying, Why are you on the phone all evening when youre with her all day? But thats how we are. Were geared up to communicate. We have to communicate and it all goes back to when we were in at the cave mouth and we needed our sisters to help us look after our young in case of danger. So we have to belong to these female communities and to be accepted by them. And I dont know about you guys but I can remember sometimes being ostracized by a group of girls in the playground at school and it was physically painful. Its physically painful not to actually belong to the group, your peer group because we are hardwired for this stuff. And then of course, another big surge of hormones happens when we have our babies and we make babies. Some women choose not to, which is totally fine. But we still have these hormones going on. So structurally, our brains are geared up to be better communicators and better at assessing out emotions if you like, understanding people very quickly by looking at them. And then we have our babies and were cuddling up little ones and were nurturing them and we are stimulating things like oxytocin. Oxytocin is a fantastic chemical that makes us want to cuddle more. And the more we cuddled the more oxytocin we produce. And so, we get this wonderful feedback going on which is a feedback thats constant in the brain and this is whats going on with the chemicals. And then the little treasures grow up and they stop wanting to cuddle us so much, which hurts a little bit but we get used to it. What that means is, we still need our cuddles but theyre less. So were having less of this surge of oxytocin going on.
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So do you know what? We then start to look at our young and we go, Well, youre OK. I dont need to be clocking after you so much. I still love you unconditionally but now you can go off and do what you do. Im going to be busy somewhere else now. So because were still hardwired to be this nurturing, emotional, communicative person, we then look somewhere else to direct our energies. So then we start to look at charities or environmental things or business and we reinvent ourselves or were starting a business or we develop the business that we were in before we had our children or whilst we were bringing up our children. So were growing. And then at the same time or around about then, the menopause is happening. And remember that the menopause [0:06:48] [indiscernible] is a very slow shift over time. So its not instant. Its not overnight. Its a very slow shift. And we have the menopause so we stop our menstrual cycle which means that we no longer have the peaks of our hormones and setting us crazy each month. So we become amazing women who have been [inaudible] a few times who really get it, who really understand what life is about. They have the energy now and their focus to look outside of their family. And theyre no longer structured to the hormonal cycle. We are so great post menopause. Were fantastic creatures. Beryl: I can see what youre seeing here particularly this business. It seems like we become more emotionally balanced so we can be a little bit more objective in situations which would be very helpful in a business situation. In fact, in any situation of course. Lynda: Absolutely. And especially these days when there is more colorful women in business. My personal belief is that one has to be careful of this in that we are not just relaboring the group of people who are supposed to be more powerful in business, shall we say. I think whats happened and particularly in the 80s, we had a very masculine way of running a business. But that didnt and it was mainly run by men granted but it was a masculine way which is I mean its different to men. The masculine way is more spreadsheets, redundancies, bottom line cut, cut, cut, all that were doing things.

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But the female way of doing business is far more nurturing and developing. The person who may not be performing properly or something so that in actual that theyre growing a business in terms of development as opposed to cutting and being a little bit austere. So for me, more women in business means actually more of a feminine way of doing business which I know a lot of men are very capable of doing as well. But that doesnt mean to say that Im mindful because I like the idea or Im passionate about the idea that we dont emasculate our young men. We need to involve. And both genders can be the nurtures both genders can develop business. Both genders can do all these things but there is a masculine or feminine way of doing things. Does that make sense? Beryl: It makes a huge amount of sense. Did you want to come in there, Melanie? Melanie: Well, there is a question thats in the back of my mind. So bearing in mind what you were saying here, the women who for whatever reason, perhaps decide not to have babies or certainly, delay babies for a couple of decades and perhaps focus on their careers, are they channeling that nurturing that natural nurturing spirit into the business or are we saying that if they follow the natural course of things where they have babies and then the babies leave and then they have a bigger picture and start to take that background skill out into the world, that theyre more effective later on rather than earlier on in the cycle? Lynda: I think there is a pattern. One of the universities that Ive been lecturing, the undergraduates, there is a definite pattern of the 20 roads, approximately 20 roads. The females who are far more energized and progressive and are wanting to move forward at a great speed in their career, theyre on a path. Theyre absolutely on the path. The guys tend to be a bit more relaxed about it. Now, one can interpret this in many ways. But one of the things I think maybe going on is the chaps know that in their early 20s, theyre probably going to be doing the same job until for the 40 years because thats what their fathers done or their grandfathers done. So they said, OK. Another 40 years. I can chill [0:10:46] [Phonetic] about this. Whereas women who are now able to grow and develop in business, they feel as if they are in a
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hurry because of the hormone fairy. The hormone fairy, she doesnt take prisoners. A lot of women dont want to have children at all. I think thats cool. But there is something that happens that I have noticed and especially with the PhD students who around about 30 years, that mark, when the female gets to about 30, even if she doesnt want children or thought she doesnt want children, there is some hormonal shift that go, Whoa! Hang on a minute. Whats happening here? I need to make babies now. And Im only saying this out of experience and what I have observed. This isnt out of my research. But there is a sense of urgency in the young woman to embrace her career and make a stand in the workplace so that when she can have some maternity leave and get back to the work part-time or full-time depending on her wishes or go back to it after when the baby is a little bit bigger and take up the position as a stronger contributor for somebody on the first round of the ladder. So I think there is a bit of a time issue going on for a woman. And I have discussed this a lot especially with the students who want to become clinical psychologist. Its a long road to study clinical psychology and by the time they finished and are qualified, they can be closed to that 30-year-old age. So, its an interesting one. So I think in terms of this nurturing thing, we are still hardwired and hormonally at the mercy of whats going on with our reproductive cycle. But as I say, that doesnt mean to say were imprisoned by it because some women choose not to have children at all. Beryl: I can really relate to that, Lynda. And I had a career until I was 30 and then at 30, I knew I needed to have a baby. And now, when those babies are over 6-foot tall, I know that I want to do something else. In fact, Ive always known that. In all these years, Ive been privileged to be mainly at home with them but Ive always known there was something in me that my time was coming. Ive been biding my time for this moment. So, I can absolutely relate to that. Lynda: Yeah.

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Melanie: Its funny Lynda: Go on. Melanie: No, carry on. Carry on. Lynda: I was just going to say, I mean I chose my hormone fairy started going, Hello, Im here. when I was about 27. But I wasnt blessed with becoming pregnant for about two and a half years. In fact, I had my first baby when I was 30 as well. Its strange. You just creep up to be this age. One could say its society has make that happened but I dont know so. I think our behavior has to do hugely with our hormones. Melanie: Well, I was going to say that I have a pretty similar story because I was very focused on my career and determined to make my mark. In fact, the last thing on my mind were babies. I would have been quite happy not to have any. And when an unplanned baby happened at 32, I shocked myself how partial I was towards him. And even the thought of having more. And of course, when he reached a certain age, I had no problems kicking him out of the nest although one or two people including my mother thought I was a bit harsh but I now understand from what you were saying. Lynda: Yeah. We do I mean our children are very good at allowing us to kick them out of the nest because we have to go through the teenage years first. And lets face it, they can be a tad pestering. So even the most beautifully behaved teenager still can be rather testing which is understandable because theyre growing, theyre developing, they are trying to make their mark and trying to cut the umbilical cord once and for all. And so, they do a good job of conditioning us to kick them out. Beryl: Its perfect, isnt it? Nature has organized it perfectly. Lynda: Yes. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And now, weve got these wonderful opportunities when a woman in her 50s. Now, she can do so much more. And of course, youve got the other side of the coin where because longevity is now something that were all getting used to the idea, we are getting old and there are more and more people reaching a 100. That means that from the university or apprenticeship or whatever one
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chooses to do, so approximately early 20s to their 60s, thats 40 years producing work or contributing to the economy. And then theyve got more 40 years of not working. Youre thinking, Hang on a minute. This isnt right. You cant work for 40 years and expect not to work for the next 40 years. And so, have food in your belly and a roof over your head and have fun in life. So I think we are now were having to rethink that actually weve all got to keep working regardless of our gender and feel healthy enough. Beryl: Indeed. Lynda: But to actually enjoy the work that were doing and try not to be drudgery. And I think thats highly important and a very topical issue topical subject at the moment. Melanie: Shall I quickly just get this one in? Beryl: Yeah, go on Melanie. Melanie: Because this is so thinking about today how men are becoming a lot more nurturing, theres a lot of overlap between the male and the female roles now. And so, Im wondering, bearing in mind how malleable and flexible the brain is, does this mean that there are some adjustments taking place in the male brain as they begin to embrace more of what traditionally seen as the female roles? Lynda: No, because for the brain to change, it takes many, many, many, many thousands of years. So it wont happen instantly. But we maybe they see as nurturing things inside men are always being there. Theyve just never been allowed to show it because theyve always been taught to be the breadwinner. And maybe theyve been nurturing. Maybe they she would rather spend more time with their children but they leave the house at six in the morning and theyre back at 8:00 oclock at night and dont see them. So maybe that actually, thats not how men always want to be. Maybe they felt as if its all a huge burden to fill this big breadwinner and they only respond or the person who is responsible for their family. So there wont

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be a change in way that our brains are in the immediate future. We have a very slow process. But I think there is another side that women are not necessarily facing up to and that is that I was speaking to some women recently who were professing to have it all. I think thats a tough one. To have it all, I still believe there is a compromise. And the women are very, very protective of their young. Thats how we are. Thats how we have to be. So for us to give over the major role of bringing our children up to our partners, maybe we dont actually want to do that but maybe we do. But somehow, if we are going to have this professed have it all, someone is going to be there looking after the children so that we have if we cant make it to sports day or were not there when theyre bullied, thats the time when a woman is like, My baby wants me. Im the mother. So we do get quite possessive about these things. So theres a lot of balancing up going on and theres a lot of a woman needs to look in the mirror and very honestly say, What are my priorities? And whatever our priorities, theres no right or wrong. But the priorities are what she needs to consider and then work towards that. Beryl: And what Im hearing from what youre saying today Lynda is actually, in a sense, we can have it all. Its just that its sectioned up given that we are so powerful when we get to this past child-rearing ages. If we can be patient and know that that time is coming, when were free of our duties at home as it were, maybe women who have got young children could be find it a little bit easier to put aside their career knowing that actually, with the power of the internet, career options or business options, choices are very much more than they ever were. Lynda: Yeah. Beryl: For someone for my age, at 30, I could have been doing this kind of business because all this wasnt available but the internet has changed things so much that it actually gives women a huge amount more choice to create a business. Lynda: Absolutely. I think weve got to be very careful because there are so many young women out there who have got fantastic energy and
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incredibly innovative and creative. And the last thing I want to do is ever squashed. If thats where youre going, youre going to go there and do what you do and maybe have a compromise when it comes to a point, at least get home have helping out or whatever. But equally, for the women who feel thats a huge pressure that society expects that of her then perhaps shed feel quite relieved to think, You know what, I actually would rather stay at home and have my babies and maybe have an internet business. Maybe do something multilevel marketing. There are plenty of companies out there where she can do something to keep the pot boiling, to keep her confidence up because thats another thing when a woman is at home, it diminishes her confidence. So thats not a good thing either. So you see what I mean? A woman needs to be honest with herself. That there is another thing that I found when Ive been talking to women is that Ive been speaking to the women who have been the major breadwinner in their family and the husband is being more of the house husband looking after the family, which is great. And it suited the couple very, very well. And Im speaking about several people here who I have spoken to. And then they would come to a separation and the fathers are going for custody and because the women at work. Now, thats the thing that were not actually speaking about very much in our major moment. And what do we do when the men want custody of the children? And actually, they have every right. They are the one being there. They are the nurturists. They are the one whos been there all the time. What can a woman cope with that? Beryl: Thats interesting. Lynda: Isnt it interesting? Again, it depends a lot on the woman that were talking to. And it depends a lot on the individual or hugely on the individual of course. But its something else to put in the pot to consider. Beryl: But youre coming back to that something innate in us that says, we need to be the number one carers maybe for some people some women would feel that. I think I would. I would have felt that strongly. Lynda: Yeah. I mean for me personally, I love my work and I want to work until the day I drop. I have no intention of retiring. I want to work and work
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and work because Im having such a good time doing it. But if I had a family or my children were small and my husband had a chance of having constantly with the children, I would hate it. Beryl: Yeah. Lynda: Thats my personal belief. Beryl: Yeah. Lynda: For some women, that might be simple. Melanie: Actually, I have seen situations where the woman has been the major breadwinner. She starts to produce babies. He continues to look after them. And then suddenly something kicks in. She now wants to be at home with her babies and wants him to go out to work. And hes not interested. Lynda: Wow! See, another one that goes on the pot that they both want to stay at home. Yeah. So it is quite a complicated mix. And I think now, weve got so many choices. We do the thing is to be as honest as we can with ourselves and our own circumstances and not feel pressurized to do anything we dont want to do. Thats probably for the privileged in the Western world, there are obviously very many countries who dont have those options. Beryl: And it is a culture thing too, isnt it? This changes with different cultures would you say? Lynda: Yeah, yeah, there is a change in culture. Definitely. We can see that very clearly. But we have to be careful because there is no right or wrong. Again, everyone is doing the right thing for themselves. Beryl: And thats what it boils down to, doesnt it? Essentially, that being OK with your own choice. Lynda: Yeah. If youre blessed with choice and we certainly are in this country. Were blessed with choice. And sometimes as I say, thats typical that some women dont want the choice. It would be easier actually if we

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just went back to doing our typical roles. I think were hideous. But some people think that way. And again, Im only speaking because of my research and I talk to a huge amount of people on these topics and people got some very strong views and very different. So, we have to just as I say, look in the mirror and be very honest with ourselves. Beryl: And that takes a lot of confidence, doesnt it? Some women because theyre out of the workplace dont find it easy to then start to think about going back in. They dont necessarily see the skill set as something that is valuable. That they can contribute. It can be quite scary especially with technology if they havent kept up to date with some kind of technology. Lynda: Absolutely right. I think for a woman, her confidence can be squashed very easily. And I know some women who have a couple of children and then theres a big gap and theyre so afraid of going back workplace. I have another couple, if they started their baby-making early enough. So like the cream too and then too later. Obviously, she did have a work all the way through. But a lot of women do reproduce again to stay out of the workplace because its scary. But I think thats something that we have to think about and this goes for men and women is that as we get older, we are slightly slower at learning but the healthy brain no matter what its age actually enjoys learning. It enjoys developing. It enjoys embracing new things. And we are all capable of learning and taking on new technology. We just might need to be churned a little bit more than younger people as we get older. Beryl: OK. So I notice that with my sons. They pick up this technology really, really quickly and its blah, blah, blah, blah, and its done where I might take quite a lot longer. But once Ive got it, then Ive got it. So thats what youre really saying, isnt it? All skills are learnable. Its just that some might take a little longer than others. Lynda: Absolutely. And the other thing to consider is that from now on, really, really from now on, all of us no matter how young or old we are, were going to have to learn and learn and relearn because technology is moving so fast. I mean when I first started using the computer, those skills I
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learned maybe redundant now. I mean I touch a screen and I touch everything. I forget Im supposed to use a mouse sometimes when Im in an old computer. Beryl: Yes. I know. Ive done that too. Lynda: And its very much like that. So I think with technology, we are or all of us are going to have to keep relearning. Beryl: Its interesting. Just a couple of days ago, I met an old lady. Shes 90. Shes very shortly 90 and she was out at this philosophical evening taking part in the discussion. And I went and sit talk to her and I said, Whats your secret? Youre so vibrant. Youre so effervescent. Youre just firing all cylinders. She said, Well, I keep busy and active. And she said, It would be a bit of a shame when I cant read anymore or do my emails. And I said, Do your what? And she said, Well, Ive got family all over the world. Ive got to look at my emails everyday and keep in touch with them. Lynda: Excellent. Beryl: Thats a case in point, isnt it? Lynda: I love it. I mean my mother is 83 and shes on Facebook and emailing. I just love it. Its absolutely superb. And so, we can. We can relearn all the time. But youre talking about 90-year-olds. I was speaking with a group of women who are very elderly and I was talking about the empty nest syndrome and when our children leave us. And one of the ladies said, she was in her early 90s, she said, You know, it happens twice. And I said, What do you mean? She said, When your grandchildren leave the nest. I thought whoa! I havent even thought about that because she was really close to her grandchildren bringing them up and then they stop the cuddles and they stop they move off and its like, yes, shes had to go through it twice. And thats an interesting one, isnt it? And shes just wonderful. Shes into everything. Shes into philosophy as the person you just spoke talked to. She goes to groups. Shed forget the bingo and the coached tours and all that stuff. She ran this bingo on her post. Shes doing some really, really good stuff. Shes a fantastic lady. Thats what Im thinking.
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Beryl: Gosh. Melanie: So reading between the lines with what youre saying, the implication here is that we need to reverse the institutional perception that older women dont have a lot of value. We need to change peoples perception. We need to do a kind of a mindset reeducation here of the expectation that older women cease to be valuable. And also, we need to be alert to the not underestimate the importance of hormonal shifts and the impact that they have on us. What other things do we need to be aware of? Lynda: I think because we are hardwired to be these wonderful communicators and also to work out emotionally whats going on with people. Were very women are very, very quick to work out if there is problem. Theyre almost spooky. I mean you could see what we were born to the stake because really, we have so many [0:29:14] [indiscernible] and we seem so intuitive in the way we see OK. Ill give you an instance. What if youre going to a party with a man and youre in the same party in the same room talking to people in the same room talking to people in the room, walking in the room. And then youre going home in the car and you know what women love to do? They love to sit in the car and have a postmortem. They want to dissect the whole evening, right? Thats what we do. We love saying, Well, what did you think about this? What did you think about that? And hes driving. So its his turn to drive that evening. Hes driving. She sits in there and goes, Did you see John and Sara had a rile? And he goes, Really? She said, Didnt you notice? They went oh, OK. Leave that one. Then you might move on and say something like, Did you see that chap in the corner who was trying to avoid the woman on the other side of the room? Its so obvious theyre having an affair. What you are talking about woman? And in the end, by the time you get home, you think, we must have been at different party. Melanie: Exactly. Lynda: Isnt it true?

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Melanie: Yeah, all the time. Lynda: Yeah. So the guys dont say this stuff. The guys are very quick at saying things that involve fear. They make a lot its [0:30:24] [indiscernible]. It will very much alert to fear and he will rise to the challenge and fight to a fly. But for a woman, she sees so much more. And thats incredibly valuable thing in business. Thats incredible when youre with clients or corporates or associates or employees or employers, all of it, and just working out if theres a problem. And by talking it through straight away or drawing them out, the problem is gone. Whereas a chap would probably not see a problem until its come to a head or there is some real big issue there and then hide behind emailing. Where a woman will actually go up to the person and say, Hey, I can feel there is something going on here. Give me a clue. And we talk it through and its nipped in the bud. Thats brilliant in business. Thats brilliant. Men go, Oh my God! Its the E word. Emotion. But there isnt a single thing, not a single decision we make that isnt an emotionally-based decision ever and then we justify it with logic afterwards. So for women, were just fantastic with this emotional chondron that is so valuable and we communicate it properly. Beryl: And thats what many would call womens intuition. Lynda: Yeah. Yeah, thats right. Thats what we call it. But were just hardwired to be more efficient with that sort of thing. And thats the truth. We really are and you can see it. So for us in business, were great. We really are a valuable contributor. Beryl: And everything in life really boils down to relationships, doesnt it? And relationship is boiled down to communication. So and women in a conversation I had with you before, you were saying what good connectors women are. Lynda: Absolutely. I mean theres been a plethora of networking groups in the UK in the last ten years or so. I think its to do with a lot of people redundancies. A lot of people are working at portfolio now so they needed to network for their businesses because there are so much many more SMEs out there. So networking is vital. And that doesnt come from social
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media. And social media is great. It has its place. And I do it all, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, I do do all of that stuff. But the most value comes from actually having a relationship, an eye to eye contact with people. Again, eye to eye contact, we stimulate oxytocin in the system and well, we stimulate trust because of instinct of woman, right? So, you actually you will trust suppliers or associates or business colleagues if you are actually having a proper relationship with them in terms of eye to eye contact, shaking hands, talking to them face to face and making time for them. Beryl: How interesting. Melanie: So its really important to be yourself as a woman in your relationships rather than just reflecting how its done in the male type environment. Lynda: To make the mistake of trying to do it the masculine way is the biggest mistake a woman can make. Again, Im using this masculinefeminine label, Im shifting from one to the other here. We can do the spreadsheets. We can do the redundancy. We can do the cutting as well. But its not the feminine way of doing things. But for us in business, we dont have to be fluffy or girly but we dont have to look like a man either. We can do it we can be women but be efficient. And I think that thats why probably the days of Margaret Thatcher. I mean love her or hate her, whatever your politics but she is formidable. And she was masculine in the way she do things because she was pioneering, the first woman to be our Prime Minister. She fixed the problem in a very masculine manner which is understandable. We dont have to do that now. Weve moved on from that. Melanie: So, what would you say to men who think that were trying to start a rebellion? Lynda: How are we going to start a rebellion if were trying to embrace both men and women in business? I mean lets face it. I mean were blessed that we dont know what a war is like anymore in this in our country really. And weve had generations whove been brought up about understanding what famine is, what hardship is, what bloodshed is, and
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that which were so lucky and lets please that it may last forever. But so we havent needed the men to go out there and be heroes although there were plenty of women in war time who are heroines. So again, men dont have to rise to this Neanderthal beating people in the head and stuff. So there shouldnt need to have a revolution. Melanie: So basically, men dont really need to feel threatened by women waking up because there are some men who still get a sense of their purpose from being the hunter gatherer. Lynda: Yeah. Melanie: And again, were back to mindset shifts again, arent we? Lynda: Yeah, we are. I mean there is still also there is a very there is a certain section of a male society where they do still they use sarcasm that can be quite derogatory to women which is very old fashion. Its really old fashion. Get with the program. And weve all moved on from that now. So they got to learn that there are certain things that we wont accept anymore and we dont have to accept anymore. But as I say, Im certainly not emasculating men at all. I will both men and women can contribute equally. I think when it comes to the workplace, we should not be judged on our gender or our race or our age, it should be purely of what we can contribute that is of value. Melanie: Exactly. Beryl: OK. So, can I just take you in to the field of personal relationships for a moment because I remember reading maybe a couple of years ago, a magazine article that highlighted the fact that most divorces over the age of 50 were initiated by women? Lynda: Yeah. Beryl: Would you like to expound on that point? Lynda: I think there is some statistical evidence that demonstrate that that women I think again, women have gone through the nurturing, the oxytocin,
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the hormones, absolutely everything is settling down and theyre looking around for a bigger picture and where they can be of use because they want to be of use. They want to contribute and be valuable and valid, feel valid. So they actually, probably they dont feel very valuable sometimes if their relationship with their husband or partner is no longer as it used to be. And so, they will not be that apologetic about wanting to change and leave. So I think yes, I can see why more women instigate divorce. I mean it used to be the thought that it was men wanting to go off with younger women. Lets reproduce again and all that stuff. But I actually dont think it was. There is certainly that amount there are people in society who do that but I think there are more women who are discontent who will end a relationship now than the men who would go off and have a very younger woman. I think actually a lot of men preferred to be married and have that comfort whereas a woman isnt afraid maybe as much to go off and do their own thing in todays society. Melanie: I was going to say, its interesting how many women who wake up and want to do this and the man cant fathom what shes all about. Why she wants to go off? Its just like he hasnt been aware at all. Lynda: I think also, women are geared up very much to reinvent. We reinvent male and female reinvent at puberty. They changed. And then for a woman, she constantly reinvents from them on because of hormones, because of like if she goes and has babies, she reinvents. I mean even in the school year, you can reinvent yourself to know that your child is like 9 and 7 so September, theyre going to be going to school that year and that year. And then the following year, its all changed. Theyre 10 and 8 and then theyre going to senior school before theyre even 13 and 11. And change every year, we reinvent. We change constantly. So I think we have been brought up to being used to reinvention. When a man leaves university or apprenticeship or whatever, starts his job and historically, has gone through very stereotypically until retirement. And thats it. And the next change is actually, he wants his pipe and slippers. So for a woman its like, we say your face Beryl, its no good, isnt it? [0:39:15] [Inaudible].
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Beryl: Im off. Lynda: Let me learn something new. Let me get involved. And I think historically again, we have been creatures, females have been creatures that reinvent. Men dont as much. That is changing because men are being made redundant. The workplace is changing. Men are having to relearn, retrain as technology moves on. So there are men who are reinventing a lot more than they used to. But thats just me in the tongue in cheek stereotypical way. Beryl: So in a worst case scenario where a woman felt like she had this calling in her to reinvent as you call it, to go out and do something to be more to get more involved in society because shes a connector and needs her girlfriends and thats what youve been suggesting. If she doesnt, if she holds back, if fear because there only going to be fear that holds her back, whats the worst case scenario that happens there? Lynda: Well, with fear of course, there are basically two emotions some say, not everybody but some say. There are two emotions, our love of fear. And were in either one or the other at any one time. So if a woman is feeling isolated and alone because lets face it, if she isnt home and is wanting to reinvent herself but is afraid to, she will become more isolated and hideaway. Now, depression is the second biggest problem worldwide now and its the epitome of that isolation, low self-esteem and low self-worth. Its a very, very big topic and one that I feel very, very strongly about because its something that we should all be taking responsibility for. Lets say, youve got a friend who is low or down then text them, Hey, what you did the other day was really good. Lets be kind to one another. Lets start being a community again and not isolating people. And whats absolutely devastating is that our children and teenagers suffered from depression as well. And that is just weve all got to do something about this. But to go back to your question, women who are afraid of reinventing themselves and theyre afraid of actually reaching out and telling anybody thats what they want to do. I really strongly suggest one of the greatest
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things they can do is join some kind of working group or something and just get out there and exercise because any kind cardiovascular exercise like walking will help us both mentally and physically for our health to start with. But if we work in a group, we will then start to communicate and we will have a small community that we begin to relate to. And then we can start to grow. And then we can start to feel less frightened. And its those baby steps and you dont have to take ginormous steps. Its that little baby steps to actually evolve and just feel better about yourself and who knows? And she starts talking to people and you might have this light bulb moment where somebody says something and you go, Thats it! Thats what I want to do. Im going to do that. And by talking it through, we gain more confidence to do that. So Im very strong on us being a part of a community that isolation kills people and kills peoples slowly in its agony. So we need to get out there more. And I know thats easier said than done for some people but just even walking to the shops and talking to the same person in a store every day, just start to get people outside and get out of the house. Does that make sense? Beryl: It makes perfect sense. And Im really glad you touched on the exercise because I noticed for myself going to a gym and going to a class when Im interacting with other people in a class and we have a laugh and a joke, it makes it it seems to take the pain of the weight lifting away from me when were all having a bit of fun. And of course, those feel good hormones are pumping out like mad, dont they? Dopamine and serotonin? Lynda: Absolutely, absolutely. And the other thing with laughter and having fun is that we start looking outwards. So we are not looking within into ourselves. We are not being introvert because when we are isolated or were feeling low or depressed and I dont use the word lightly but a lot of people are getting depressed, were looking inwards. Always looking within. So if we can get out there and have some fun, we have a respite. Now, some people are low because of some very big issues, bereavement or divorce. There are some very big stuff going on but so its not a fix but its a respite. So if you can get outside and have a little bit of fun and laughter, it just keeps you a little a moment to refocus and get things in a

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better priority so that you might start climbing way back up again to a healthier mentality. Beryl: And as you say, start to build confidence in yourself because youre making connections. Lynda: Thats right. Thats right. Its absolutely essential. Its essential that we are we belong to a small group. Beryl: And Melanie and I are great believers in if you take the first step then somehow the universe just starts to join with you and helps you with the next step and who knows who you might meet and where you might go from that. Im mindful of the time, Lynda. Were eating up your time and its been absolutely fascinating. I know that you have other interesting topics that we want to come back to with and have a chat with you about because youre just a rich source of information. Is there anything you would like to finally ask, Melanie? Melanie: No, Im fine. Lynda: Sorry, go on. Beryl: Something else you want to say, Lynda? Lynda: I was just going to say we are as a society, tend to take ourselves too seriously. So just lighten up. Its fun. Life goes very quickly. Clich, old clich but its true. It goes very quickly. And I just wanted to say that Ive spent a lot of my life trying to be very good at whatever I do and Ive decided, you know what, Im just going to have fun now. So Ive joined a ukulele band. I love music. I sing like a cat. I was awful. But hey, Im having fun. Beryl: Have you got it there with you now? Have got it there with you now, Lynda or do you want to come back and do a special musical spot another time? Lynda: You so dont mean that.
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Beryl: Well, well audition you first I think before well unleash you on our audience, Lynda. OK. Lynda, where can people find you? Lynda: Where can they find me? Im drlyndashaw.com so www.drlyndashaw.com or lynda@drlyndashaw.com. So remember, its Lynda with a Y. Beryl: And youre on Facebook, youre on Twitter? Lynda: Yeah, Im on Facebook. Im on Twitter. Just Lynda Shaw and youll find me. Beryl: Fantastic. Melanie: So can we take the liberty of telling the audience that you will be back to answer their questions or their comments from time to time? Lynda: I would love to. I would love to. Melanie: OK. So Lynda, this has been a very inspiring conversation. Thank you so much for providing us with such a juicy subject of women maturing and aging beautifully. Lynda: Thank you. Beryl: If youre watching this on any kind of social media, then please feel free to share it with all of your friends. Were Wired for Success TV at Facebook and on Twitter. https://www.facebook.com/WiredForSuccesstv https://twitter.com/WiredSuccessTV Lastly, wherever youre listening to this episode from, if you havent done so already, please just shoot over to our main site http://www.wiredforsuccess.tv and join our newsletter for updates and content by adding your name and email.

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If you head over there, there will be a transcript of this episode too. We reply to all comments and suggestions and we would love to hear from you. So thank you for tuning in. Remember to tune in for the next episode of Wired for Success where we help you to master the seven areas of life. So from me Beryl and my co-host Melanie and from our interviewee Lynda we bid you farewell and next time. So, if you would like to say good-bye.

Copyright: Wired For Success TV 2013 All rights reserved. No part of this transcript may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, unless full credit is given to wired for success TV and a link back to www.wiredforsuccess.tv is included in the use of the material. Disclaimer All the material contained in this transcript is provided for educational and informational purposes only. No responsibility can be taken for any results or outcomes resulting from the use of this material. Whilst every attempt has been made to provide information that is both accurate and effective, the authors do not assume any responsibility for the accuracy or use/misuse of this information.

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