WHAT IS WISDOM???

“The moment a person realizes that reality has many faces, he/she takes the first step on the road to wisdom.”

Hopstaken’s Newsletter – the Valentine Day Special Edition

February 14, 2007

A year ago our recipients received a ‘YourDictionary.com’ article about ‘Bundling Up for
Valentine’s Day’. Clear evidence that the Dutch are no strangers to romance. Many positive
reactions followed, just like they did after Jane’s article in What is Wisdom??? no. 6.
Apparently, love is something that keeps many, if not most of us … busy? Alive? Creative?
Inspired? Provided with a worthwhile purpose? You name it …

Valentine Day is a day

a. for lovers,
b. for those who are in love but haven’t yet succeeded in making it ‘two way’, and
c. for those who still hope to find the love of their life.
So basically, it’s a day for everyone. It seems to be gaining more and more popularity, so let’s
celebrate!

1. Hugs & Kisses: a delicate issue

When you have lived in The Netherlands, or travelled in Europe (France, Belgium, Spain, Italy), you’ll have seen
people hugging and kissing each other in public. The first time you witnessed this, you may have been shocked, or at
least, somewhat embarrassed. Still, be honest: it did raise your interest. A real cultural difference! In many countries
these expressions of love and affection – between lovers, but also, between close friends – are only allowed indoors,
in the private area of a home. Unseen by the general public. In China, Turkey, Vietnam or Nepal, adolescents and
grownups don’t kiss on the street, or in public places. Even hugging is being frowned upon. Parents with their little
kids: that’s different. After a while, some of you assimilated this cultural difference, and took it back home. Only to
be encountered with bewilderment, or worse: resistance. Others didn’t, and gladly re-accepted the characteristics of
their traditional culture. No more embarrassing moments …

Still, I’ll never forget the moment when the Chinese girl I least expected to do this, shy as she was, stepped forward
on Graduation Day and gave me a hug I’ll never forget. And Peter? Well, as you know, he hugs everyone. Girls and
boys alike. Compares their relative weight by lifting them in the air. Especially girls. I recall the evening when he
tried to lift … no, that’s too embarrassing ☺. Some of you will remember … pictures survive. Hugging & kissing is
part of daily life in the area of Holland Peter is from: Brabant. My grandfather is from the same area, but moved north,
to Haarlem. In this part of The Netherlands people shake hands, and when they kiss, it used to be just one. In the past
35 years, I’ve seen the Brabant way of hugging & kissing everyone in sight take over my country. Still, I’m not as
easy going in this as Peter. He says I’m learning …

Pictures survive …
Yes, culture can be very local, and is also a highly personal affair. I remember being confronted with different
cultures when I was 20 years old. Traveling through southern European countries for the first time, and then on,
through Turkey, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India and Nepal. And back again along the same route. I’ve never been
the same. I learned to accept cultural differences as a matter of fact, not opinion. Still, one’s own culture is not
something you simply ‘shake off’. It is ‘embedded’ in your and my, in our personality.

Don’t think hugging & kissing in public has been a common thing in Holland for long. It only started to become
generally accepted during the so-called hippie-period: from 1968 on. Before, it was only on very special occasions,
like May 5, 1945, when the Nazis finally left Holland and we were free again after five years of heavy suppression
and war. And as I mentioned, in the area where Peter grew up. After 1968 it took many years to catch on. I’ll never
forget the first time a guy hugged me in public … how embarrassing!!! This must have been around 1978. On
Valentine’s Day lovers hug & kiss, like they do when it’s not Valentine’s Day, and most of the others dream about
this, or plainly long for it. On Valentine’s Day we love, or hope for love.

The French have a reputation for love, and its various ways of expressing itself. Last December I went to see the great
Rodin exhibition in the London Royal Academy. For the first time in my life I saw his famous, life-size marble
sculpture, The Kiss. I was deeply moved. Although you may disagree with me, this is not about sex, it’s about love,
as in ‘making love’. Look at the pure tenderness, the full devotion. These lovers are 100% checked in … an act of
love. If you still don’t get it, read Jane’s article in What is Wisdom??? No. 6. If you are then still in doubt, I can only
wish that one magic day you’ll find your true love. And if you find it, make sure you keep it. Love is a rare article, as
precious as the most precious diamond.

The Kiss, by Auguste Rodin (1881; detail)

2. The kiss
‘YourDictionary.com’ once more helps us to understand. This time we look at a universal phenomenon: the kiss.

Osculate (Verb)
Pronunciation: ['ah-skyê-leyt]
Definition 1: To come together, to contact (as two osculating circles); to kiss.
Usage 1: Today’s word is for those shy, affectionate people who are willing to talk about kissing in public but not so
that other people understand. As you might expect, it comes from a large, happy family with several adjectives, such
as osculable ‘kissable’ (such osculable lips), osculant ‘kissing’ (an osculant cousin?), and ‘osculatory’ (an osculatory
couple in the shadows). There are two nouns, the expectable osculation ‘a kiss’ and an eccentric osculary ‘something
to be kissed’, which might refer to an icon, a rosary, or anything else you find kissable.
Suggested usage: We hope you find someone to whom today’s word applies in all its lexical splendor: someone you
wish to come together with, to contact, and to kiss. Surprise your wife with, “Let’s osculate!” for a change of pace.
Tell your husband that you are in the mood for a little osculation. It might be good for a giggle, and kissing and
smiling go together like Valentine’s Day and hearts.
Etymology: In case you hadn’t guessed, today’s word comes from Latin, specifically the verb osculari ‘to kiss’, based
on osculum ‘kiss’ (as osculum pacis ‘the kiss of peace’). Osculum is the diminutive of os ‘mouth’. We discussed this
root recently in connection with the word ‘orotund’, noting that in Latin it changed to or- in most words, so that it is
the same root underlying ‘oral’, ‘orifice’, and ‘orator’.
(source: www.yourdictionary.com)

3. Wise quotes
“In the light of love, every moment is a gift from God.” Deepak Chopra

“A successful man is one who finds a woman who can appreciate his love. A successful woman is one who can love a
man who loves her.” Anonymous

“Never tell a great joke while making love.” (originator wishes to remain anonymous)

4. Valentine’s Lyrics: It’s in His Kiss! (Sung by Betty Everett, Cher … many others. Als
known as the ‘Shoop Shoop Song’) + Theme For A Dream (Sung by Cliff Richard)
These lyrics are so old … I mean, I heard them when I was a kid. Yet, for the true romantics among us (and be honest,
who isn’t?) they are timeless in their innocence and classic in their message.

(Is it in his eyes?) You are my theme for a dream

Oh no! You need to see! Yes you are, a rare and lovely theme (you’re
(Is it in his size?) a theme for a dream)
Oh no! You make believe! The dreams I dream day and night
If you wanna know That your arms are holding me so tight
If he loves you so (you’re a theme for a dream)
Its in his kiss!
(That’s where it is!) When I dream I kiss you (kiss you)
Music fills with starlight (starlight)
(Oh yeah! Or is it in his face?) Every time I touch you ( when i touch you)
no girls! It’s just his charms! Each and every time a chime rings out I love
(In his warm embrace?) you
no girls! That's just his arms! Only you for ever more
If you wanna know
If he loves you so ’Cause you’re my theme for a dream
It’s in his kiss! Yes you are a rare and lovely theme (you’re
(That’s where it is!) my theme for a dream)
yeah!! Its in his kiss! So, angel please say that you love me too
(That’s where it is!)
And make my dreams come true dream
Oh, oh, oh, honey ! (you’re my theme for a dream)
Squeeze him tight!
Find out what you wanna know! And make my dreams come true
promise love, and if it really is, Please make my dreams come true.
It’s there in his kiss!

(How ‘bout the way he acts?)

no no no! That’s not the way!
You’re not listenin’ to all I’m sayin’!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It’s in his kiss!
(That’s where it is!)
Oh, yeah! Its in his kiss!
(That’s where it is!)

The next issue of What is Wisdom??? (no. 7) will be out end of March.