Sie sind auf Seite 1von 63

Woody Allen:

God (A Play)
SCENE: Athens. Approximately 500 B.C. Two distraught Greeks in the center of enormous empty amphitheatre. Sunset. One is the ACTOR; the other, the WRITER. They are both thinking and distracted. They should he played by two good, broad burlesque clowns. ACTOR: Nothing . . . just nothing. WRITER: What? ACTOR: Meaningless. It's empty. WRITER: The ending. ACTOR: Of course. What are we discussing? We're discussing the ending. WRITER: We're always discussing the ending. ACTOR: Because it's hopeless. WRITER: I admit it's unsatisfying. ACTOR: Unsatisfying? It's not even believable. The trick is to start at the ending when you write a play. Get a good strong ending and then write backwards. WRITER: I've tried that. I got a play with no beginning. ACTOR: That's absurd. WRITER: Absurd? What's absurd? ACTOR: Every play must have a beginning, middle, and end. WRITER: Why? ACTOR (Confidently): Because everything in nature has a beginning, middle, and end. WRITER: What about a circle? ACTOR (Thinks): Okay . . . A circle has no beginning, middle, or end but they're not much fun either. WRITER: Diabetes, think of an ending. We open in three days.

ACTOR: Not me. I'm not opening in this turkey. I have a reputation as an actor, a following . . . My public expects to see me in a suitable vehicle. WRITER: May I remind you, you're a starving, out-of-work actor whom I've generously consented to let appear in my play in an effort to assist your comeback. ACTOR: Starving, yes . . . Out of work, perhaps . . . Hoping for a comeback, maybe - but a drunkard? WRITER: I never said you were a drunkard. ACTOR: Yes, but I'm also a drunkard. WRITER (in a fit of sudden inspiration): What if your character ripped a dagger from his robes and in a fit of frenzied frustration, tore away at his own eyes until he blinded himself? ACTOR: Yeah, it's a great idea. Have you eaten anything today? WRITER: What's wrong with it? ACTOR: It's depressing. The audience will take one look at it and WRITER: I know - make that funny sound with their lips. ACTOR: It's called hissing. WRITER: Just once I want to win the competition! Once before my life is over, I want my play to take first price. And it's not the free case of ouzo I care about, it's the honor. ACTOR (Suddenly inspired): What if the king suddenly changed his mind? There's a positive idea. WRITER: He'd never do it. ACTOR (Selling him on it): If the queen convinced him? WRITER: She wouldn't. She's a bitch. ACTOR: But if the Trojan Army surrendered WRITER: They'd fight to the death. ACTOR: Not if Agamemnon reneged on his promise? WRITER: It's not in his nature. ACTOR: But I could suddenly take up arms and make a stand.

WRITER: It's against your character. You're a coward - an insignificant wretched slave with the intelligence of a worm. Why do you think I cast you? ACTOR: I've just given you six possible endings! WRITER: Each more clumsy than the last. ACTOR: It's the play that's clumsy. WRITER: Human beings don't behave that way. It's not in their nature. ACTOR: What does their nature mean? We're stuck with a hopeless ending. WRITER: As long as man is a rational animal, as a playwright, I cannot have a character do anything on stage he wouldn't do in real life. ACTOR: May I remind you that we don't exist in real life. WRITER: What do you mean? ACTOR: You are aware that we're characters in a play right now in some Broadway theater? Don't get mad at me, I didn't write it. WRITER: We're characters in a play and soon we're going to see my play . . . which is a play within a play. And they're watching us. ACTOR: Yes. It's highly metaphysical, isn't it? WRITE R: Not only is it metaphysical, it's stupid! ACTOR: Would you rather be one of them? WRITER (Looking at the audience): Definitely not. Look at them. ACTOR: Then let's get on with it! WRITER (Mutters): They paid to get in. ACTOR: Hepatitis, I'm talking to you! WRITER: I know, the problem is the ending. ACTOR: It's always the ending. WRITER (Suddenly to the audience): Do you folks have any suggestions? ACTOR: Stop talking to the audience! I'm sorry I mentioned them. WRITER: It's bizarre, isn't it? We're two ancient Greeks in Athens and we're about to see a play I wrote and you're acting in, and they're from

Queens or some terrible place like that and they're watching us in someone else's play. What if they're characters in another play? And someone's watching them? Or what if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or, what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? ACTOR: That's my point. What if the universe is not rational and people are not set things? Then we could change the ending and it wouldn't have to conform to any fixed notions. You follow me? WRITER: Of course not. (To the audience) You follow him? He's an actor. Eats at Sardi's. ACTOR: Play characters would have no determined traits and could choose their own characters. I wouldn't have to be the slave just because you wrote it that way. I could choose to become a hero. WRITER: Then there's no play. ACTOR: No play? Good, I'll be at Sardi's. WRITER: Diabetes, what you're suggesting is chaos! ACTOR: Is freedom chaos? WRITER: Is freedom chaos? Hmm . . . That's a toughie. (To the audience) Is freedom chaos? Did anybody out there major in philosophy? (A GIRL from the audience answers) GIRL: I did. WRITER: Who's that? GIRL: Actually I majored in gym, with a philosophy minor. WRITER: Can you come up here? ACTOR: What the hell are you doing? GIRL: Does it matter if it was Brooklyn College? WRITER: Brooklyn College? No, we'll take anything. (She's made her way up) ACTOR: I am really pissed off! WRITER: What's eating you? ACTOR: We're in the middle of a play. Who is she?

WRITER: In five minutes the Athenian Drama Festival begins, and I have no ending for my play! ACTOR: So? WRITER: Serious philosophical questions have been raised. Do we exist? Do they exist? (Meaning the audience) What is the true nature of human character? GIRL: Hi. I'm Doris Levine. WRITER: I'm Hepatitis and this is Diabetes. We're ancient Greeks. DORIS: I'm from Great Neck. ACTOR: Get her off this stage! WRITER (Really looking her up and down as she's lovely): She's very sexy. ACTOR: What has that got to do with it? DORIS: The basic philosophical question is: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it - how do we know it makes a noise? (Everyone looks around, puzzled over this) ACTOR: Why do we care? We're on Forty-fifth Street. WRITER: Will you go to bed with me? ACTOR: Leave her alone! DORIS (To ACTOR) Mind your own business. WRITER (Calling offstage): Can we lower the curtain here? Just for five minutes . . . (To the audience) Sit there. It'll be a quickie. ACTOR: This is outrageous! It's absurd! (To DORIS) Do you have a friend? DORIS: Sure. (Calling to the audience) Diane, you want to come up here . . . I got something going with a couple of Greeks. (No response) She's shy. ACTOR: Well, we have a play to do. I'm going to report this to the author. WRITER: I am the author! ACTOR: I mean the original author.

WRITER (Sotto voce to the ACTOR): Diabetes, I think I can score with her. ACTOR: What do you mean, score? You mean intercourse - with all these people watching? WRITER: I'll lower the curtain. Some of them even do it. Not many, probably. ACTOR: You idiot, you're fictional, she's Jewish - you know what the children will be like? WRITER: Come on, maybe we can get her friend up here. (The ACTOR goes to stage left to use the telephone) Diane? This is a chance for a date with _________. (use a real actor's name) He's a big actor . . . lots of TV commercials . . . ACTOR (Into the phone): Get me an outside line. DORIS: I don't want to cause any trouble. WRITER: It's no trouble. It's just that we've seemed to have lost touch with reality here. DORIS: Who knows what reality really is? WRITER: You're so right, Doris. DORIS (Philosophically): So often people think they grasp reality when what thev're really responding to is "fakeositude". WRITER: I have an urge toward you that I'm sure is real. DORIS: Is sex real? WRITER: Even if it's not, it's still one of the best fake activities a person can do. (He grabs her, she pulls back) DORIS: Don't. Not here. WRITER: Why not? DORIS: I don't know. That's my line. WRITER: Have you ever made it with a fictional character before? DORIS: The closest I came was an Italian. ACTOR (He's on the phone. We hear the party on other end through a filter): Hello? PHONE (Maid's voice): Hello, Mr. Allen's residence.

ACTOR: Hello, may I speak to Mr. Allen? MAID'S VOICE: Who's calling, please? ACTOR: One of the characters in his play. MAID: One second. Mr. Allen, there's a fictional character on the phone. ACTOR (To the others): Now we'll see what happens with you lovebirds. WOODY'S VOICE: Hello. ACTOR: Mr. Allen? WOODY: Yes? ACTOR: This is Diabetes. WOODY: Who? ACTOR: Diabetes. I'm a character you created. WOODY: Oh, yes . . . I remember, you're a badly drawn character . . . very one-dimensional. ACTOR: Thanks. WOODY: Hey - isn't the play on now? ACTOR: That's what I'm calling about. We got a strange girl up on the stage and she won't get off and Hepatitis is suddenly hot for her. WOODY: What does she look like? ACTOR: She's pretty, but she doesn't belong. WOODY: Blonde? ACTOR: Brunette . . . long hair. WOODY: Nice legs? ACTOR: Yes. WOODY: Good breasts? ACTOR: Very nice. WOODY: Keep her there, I'll be right over. ACTOR: She's a philosophy student.. But she's got no real answers . . .

typical product of the Brooklyn College cafeteria. WOODY: That's funny, I used that line in Play it Again, Sam to describe a girl. ACTOR: I hope it got a better laugh there. WOODY: Put her on. ACTOR: On the phone? WOODY: Sure. ACTOR (To DORIS): It's for you. DORIS (Whispers): I've seen him in the movies. Get rid of him. ACTOR: He wrote the play. DORIS: It's pretentious. ACTOR (Into the phone): She won't speak to you. She says your play is pretentious. WOODY: Oh, Jesus. Okay, call me back and let me know how the play ends. ACTOR: Right. (He hangs up, then does a double take, realizing what the author said) DORIS: Can I have a part in your play? ACTOR: I don't understand. Are you an actress or a girl playing an actress? DORIS: I always wanted to be an actress. Mother hoped I'd become a nurse. Dad felt I should marry into society. ACTOR: So what do you do for a living? DORIS: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. (A Greek enters from the wings) TRICHINOSIS : Diabetes, Hepatitis. It's me, Trichinosis. (Ad-lib greetings) I have just come from a discussion with Socrates at the Acropolis and he proved that I didn't exist, so I'm upset. Still, word has it you need an ending for your play. I think I have just the thing. WRITER: Really?

TRICHINOSIS: Who's she? DORIS : Doris Levine. TRICHINOSIS: Not from Great Neck? DORIS: Yes. TRICHINOSIS: You know the Rappaports? DORIS : Myron Rappaport? TRICHINOSIS (Nodding): We both worked for the Liberal party. DORIS: What a coincidence. TRICHINOSIS: You had an affair with Mayor Lindsay. DORIS: I wanted to - he wouldn't. WRITER: What's the ending? TRICHINOSIS: You're much prettier than I imagined. DORIS: Really? TRICHINOSIS: I'd like to sleep with you right now. DORIS: Tonight's my night. (TRICHINOSIS takes her wrist passionately) Please. I'm a virgin. Is that my line? (The PROMPTER with book peeks out from the wings; is wearing a sweater) PROMPTER: "Please. I'm a virgin." Yes. (Exits) WRITER: What's the goddamn ending? TRICHINOSIS: Huh? Oh - (Calls off) Fellas! (Some Greeks wheel out an elaborate machine) WRITER: What the hell is that? TRICHINOSIS: The ending for your play. ACTOR: I don't understand. TRICHINOSIS: This machine, which I've spent six months designing in my brother-in-law's shop, holds the answer. WRITER: How?

TRICHINOSIS: In the final scene - when all looks black, and Diabetes the humble slave is in a position most hopeless ACTOR: Yes? TRICHINOSIS: Zeus, Father of the Gods, descends dramatically from on high and brandishing his thunderbolts, brings salvation to a grateful but impotent group of mortals. DORIS: Deus ex machina. TRICHINOSIS: Hey - That's a great name for this thing! DORIS: My father works for Westinghouse. WRITER: I still don't get it. TRICHINOSIS: Wait'll you see this thing in action. It flies Zeus in. I'm going to make a fortune with this invention. Sophocles put a deposit on one. Euripides wants two. WRITER: But that changes the meaning of the play. TRICHINOSIS: Don't speak till you see a demonstration. Bursitis, get into the flying harness. BURSITIS: Me? TRICHINOSIS: Do what I say. You won't believe his. BURSITIS: I'm afraid of that thing. TRICHINOSIS: He's kidding . . . Go ahead, you idiot, we're on the verge of a sale. He'll do it. Ha, ha . . . BURSITIS: I don't like heights. TRICHINOSIS: Get into it! Hurry up. Let's go! Get into your Zeus suit! A demonstration. (Exiting as BURSITIS protests) BURSITIS: I want to call my agent. WRITER: But you're saying God comes in at the end and saves everything. ACTOR: I love it! It gives the people their money's worth. DORIS: He's right. It's like those Hollywood Bible movies. WRITER (Taking center stage a little too dramatically): But if God saves everything, man is not responsible for his actions.

ACTOR: You wonder why you're not invited to more parties . . . DORIS: But without God, the universe is meaningless. Life is meaningless. We're meaningless. (Deadly pause) I have a sudden and overpowering urge to get laid. WRITER: Now I'm not in the mood. DORIS: Really? Would anyone in the audience care to make it with me? ACTOR: Stop that! (To the audience) She's not serious, folks. WRITER: I'm depressed. ACTOR: What's bothering you? WRITER: I don't know if I believe in God. DORIS (To the audience): I am serious. ACTOR: If there's no God, who created the universe? WRITER: I'm not sure yet. ACTOR: Who do you mean, you're not sure yet!? When are you going to know? DORIS: Anybody out there want to sleep with me? MAN (Rising in the audience): I'll sleep with that girl if nobody else will. DORIS: Will you, sir? MAN: What's wrong with everybody? A beautiful girl like that? Aren't there any red-blooded men in the audience? You're all a bunch of New York left-wing Jewish intellectual commie pinkos (LORENZO MILLER comes out from wings. He is dressed in contemporary clothes) LORENZO: Sit down, will you sit down? MAN: Okay, okay. WRITER: Who are you? LORENZO: Lorenzo Miller. I created this audience. I'm a writer. WRITER: What do you mean? LORENZO: I wrote: a large group of people from Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, and Long Island come to the Golden Theater and watch a

play. There they are. DORIS (Pointing to the audience): You mean they're fictional too? (LORENZO nods) They're not free to do as they please? LORENZO: They think they are, but they always do what's expected of them. WOMAN (Suddenly a WOMAN rises in audience, quite angrily): I'm not fictional! LORENZO: I'm sorry, madam, but you are. WOMAN: But I have a son at the Harvard Business School. LORENZO: I created your son; he's fictional. Not only is he fictional, he's homosexual. MAN: I'll show you how fictional I am. I'm leaving this theater and getting my money back. This is a stupid play. In fact, it's no play. I go to the theater, I want to see something with a story - with a beginning, middle, and end - instead of this bullshit. Good night. (Exits up the aisle in a huff) LORENZO (To the audience): Isn't he a great character. I wrote him very angry. Later he feels guilty and commits suicide. (Sound: gunshot) Later! MAN (Reenters with a smoking pistol): I'm sorry, did I do it too soon? LORENZO: Get out of here! MAN: I'll be at Sardi's. (Exits) LORENZO (In the audience, dealing with various people of the actual audience): What's your name sir? Uh-huh. (Ad-lib section, depending on what audience says) Where are you from? Isn't he cute? Great character. Must remind them to dress him differently. Later this woman leaves her husband for this guy. Hard to believe, I know. Oh - look at this guy. Later he rapes that lady. WRITER: It's terrible being fictional. We're are so limited. LORENZO: Only by the limits of the playwright. Unfortunately you happen to have been written by Woody Allen. Think if you were written by Shakespeare. WRITER: I don't accept it. I'm a free man and I don't need God flying in to save my play. I'm a good writer. DORIS: You want to win the Athenian Drama Festival, don't you? WRITER (Suddenly dramatic): Yes. I want to be immortal. I don't want to

just die and be forgotten. I want my works to live on long after my physical body has passed away. I want future generations to know I existed! Please don't let me be a meaningless dot, drifting through eternity. I thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I would like to accept this Tony Award and thank David Merrick . . . DORIS: I don't care what anybody says, I'm real. LORENZO: Not really. DORIS: I think, therefore I am. Or better yet. I feel - I have an orgasm. LORENZO: You do? DORIS: All the time. LORENZO: Really? DORIS: Very frequently. LORENZO: Yes? DORIS: Most of the time I do, yes. LORE NZO: Yes? DORIS: At least half the time. LORENZO: No. DORIS: I do! With certain men . . . LORENZO: Hard to believe. DORIS: Not necessarily through intercourse. Usually it's oral. LORENZO: Uh-huh. DORIS: Of course I fake it too. I dont want to insult anybody. LORENZO: Have you ever had an orgasm? DORIS: Not really. No. LORENZO: Because none of us are real. WRITER: But if we 're not real, we can't die. LORZNZO: No. Not unless the playwright decides to kill us. WRITER: Why would he do something like that?

(From the wings, BLANCHE DuBOIS enters) BLANCHE: Because, sugar, it satisfies something called their - aesthetic sensibility. WRITER (All turn to look at her): Who are you? BLANCHE: Blanche. Blanche DuBois. It means "white woods." Don't get up, please - I was just passing through. DORIS: What are you doing here? BLANCHE: Seeking refuge. Yes - in this old theater . . . I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. Could I get a coke with a little bourbon in it? ACTOR (Appears. We didn't realize he'd slipped away): Is a Seven-Up okay? WRITER: Where the hell were you? ACTOR: I went to the bathroom. WRITER: In the middle of the play? ACTOR: What play? (To BLANCHE) Will you explain to him we're all limited. BLANCHE: I'm afraid it's all too true. Too true and too ghastly. That's why I ran out of my play. Escaped. Oh, not that Mr. Tennessee Williams is not a very great writer, but honey - he dropped me in the center of a nightmare. The last thing I remember, I was being taken out by two strangers, one who held a strait jacket. Once outside the Kowalski residence, I broke free and ran. I've got to get into another play, a play where God exists . . . somewhere where I can rest at last. That's why you must put me in your play and allow Zeus, young and handsome Zeus to triumph with his thunderbolt. WRITER: You went to the bathroom? TRICHINOSIS (Enters): Ready for the demonstration. BLANCHE: A demonstration. How wonderful. TRICHINOSIS (Calling offstage): Ready out there? Okay. It's the end of the play. Everything looks hopeless for the slave. All other means desert him. He prays. Go ahead. ACTOR: Oh, Zeus. Great god. We are confused and helpless mortals. Please be merciful and change our lives. (Nothing happens) Er . . . great Zeus . . .

TRICHINOSIS: Let's go, fellas! For Christ's sake. ACTOR: Oh, great God. (Suddenly there is thunder and fabulous lightning. The effect is wonderful: ZEUS descends, hurling thunderbolts majestically) BURSITIS (As ZEUS): I am Zeus, God of Gods! Worker of miracles! Creator of the Universe! I bring salvation to all! DORIS: Wait'll Westinghouse sees this! TRICHINOSIS: Well, Hepatitis, what do you think? WRITER: I love it! It's better than I expected. It's dramatic, it's flamboyant. I'm going to win the festival! I'm a winner. It's so religious. Look, I got chills! Doris! (He grabs her) DORIS: Not now. (There is a general exit, a light change . . .) WRITER: I must do some immediate rewrites. TRICHINOSIS: I'll rent you my God machine for twenty-six fifty an hour. WRITER (to LORENZO): Can you introduce my play? LORENZO: Sure, go ahead. (THEY all exit. LORENZO stays behind and faces audience. As he speaks, a Greek CHORUS enters and sits in the background of the amphitheater. White-robed, naturally) Good evening and welcome to the Athenian Drama Festival. (Sound: cheering) We got a great show for you tonight. A new play by Hepatitis of Rhodes, entitled, "The Slave." (Sound: cheers) Starring Diabetes as the slave, with Bursitis as Zeus, Blanche DuBois, and Doris Levine from Great Neck. (Cheers) The show is brought to you by Gregory Londos' Lamb Restaurant, just opposite the Parthenon. Don't be a Medusa with snakes in your hair when you're looking for a place to dine out. Try Gregory Londos' Lamb Restaunant. Remember, Homer liked it - and he was blind. (He exits. DIABETES plays the slave named PHIDIPIDES and right now, he drifts on with another GREEK SLAVE as the CHORUS takes over) CHORUS: Gather round, ye Greeks, and heed the story of Phidipides one so wise, so passionate, so steeped in the glories of Greece. DIABETES: My point is, what are we going to do with such a big horse? FRIEND: But they want to give it to us for nothing. DIABETES: So what? Who needs it? It's a big wooden horse . . . What the hell are we going to do with it? It's not even a pretty horse. Mark my words, Cratinus - as a Greek statesman, I would never trust the Trojans.

You notice they never take a day off? FRIEND: Did you hear about Cyclops? He got a middle eye infection. VOICE OFF: Phidipides! Where is that slave? DIABETES: Coming, Master! MASTER (Enters): Phidipides - there you are. There's work to be done. The grapes need picking, my chariot must be repaired. we need water from the well - and you're out shmoozing. DIABETES: I wasn't shmoozing, Master, I was discussing politics. MASTER: A slave discussing politics! Ha, ha! CHORUS: Ha, ha . . . That's rich. DIABETES: I'm sorry, Master. MASTER: You and the new Hebrew slave clean the house. I'm expecting guests. Then get on with all the other tasks. DIABETES: The new Hebrew? MASTER: Doris Levine. DORIS: You called? MASTER: Clean up. Let's go. Hurry on. CHORUS: Poor Phidipides. A slave. And like all slaves, he longed for one thing. DIABETES: To be taller. CHORUS: To be free. DIABETES: I don't want to be free. CHORUS: No? DIABETES: I like it this way. I know what's expected of me. I'm taken care of. I don't have to make any choices. I was born a slave and I'll die a slave. I have no anxiety. CHORUS: Boo . . . boo . . . DIABETES: Ah, what do you know, chorus boys. (He kisses DORIS, she pulls away) DORIS: Don't.

DIABETES: Why not? Doris, you know my heart is heavy with love - or as you Hebrews are fond of saying, I have a thing for you. DORIS: It can't work. DIABETES: Why not? DORIS: Because you like being a slave and I hate it. I want my freedom. I want to travel and write books, live in Paris, maybe start a woman's magazine. DIABETES: What's the big deal about freedom? It's dangerous. To know one's place is safe. Don't you see, Doris, governments change hands every week, political leaders murder one another, cities are sacked, people are tortured. If there's a war, who do you think gets killed? The free people. But we're safe because no matter who's in power, they all need someone to do the heavy cleaning. (He grabs her) DORIS: Don't. While I am still a slave I can never enjoy sex. DIABETES: Would you be willing to fake it? DORIS: Forget it. CHORUS: And then one day the fates lent a hand. (The FATES enter, a couple dressed like American tourists, wearing jazzy Hawaiian shirts; BOB has a camera around his neck) BOB: Hi, we're the Fates, Bob and Wendy Fate. We need someone to take an urgent message to the king. DIABETES: The king? BOB: You would be doing mankind a great service. DIABETES: I would? WENDY: Yes, but it's a dangerous mission, and even though you are a slave, you may say no. DIABETES: No. BOB: But it will give you a chance to see the palace in all its glory. WENDY: And the reward is your freedom. DIABETES: My freedom? Yes, well, I'd love to help you, but I have a roast in the stove.

DORIS: Let me do it. BOB: It's too dangerous for a woman. DIABETES: She's a very fast runner. DORIS: Phidipides, how can you refuse? DIABETES: When you're a coward, certain things come easy. WENDY: We beg of you - please BOB: The fate of mankind hangs in the balance. WENDY: We'll raise the reward. Freedom for you and any person of your choice. BOB: Plus a sixteen-piece starter set of silverware. DORIS: Phidipides, here's our chance. CHORUS: Go ahead, you jerk. DIABETES: A dangerous misson followed by personal freedom? I'm getting nauseous. WENDY (Hands him an envelope): Take this message to the king. DIABETES: Why can't you take it? BOB: We're leaving for New York in a few hours. DORIS: Phidipides, you say you love me DIABETES: I do. CHORUS: Let's go, Phidipides, the play is bogging down. DIABETES: Decisions, decisions . . . (Telephone rings and he answers it) Hello? WOODY'S VOICE: Will you take the goddamn message to the king. We'd all like to get the hell out of here. DIABETES (Hangs up) I'll do it. But only because Woody asked me to. CHORUS (Sings) Poor Professor Higgins DIABETES: That's the wrong show, you idiots! DORIS: Good luck, Phidipides.

WENDY: You're really going to need it. DIABETES: What do you mean? WENDY: Bob here is really a practical joker. DORIS: After we're free we can go to bed, and maybe for once I'll enjoy it. HEPATITIS (Pops on stage): Sometimes a little grass before you make it ACTOR: You're the writer! HEPATITIS: I couldn't resist! (Exit) DORIS: Go! DIABETES: I'm going! CHORUS: And so Phidipides set out on his journey bearing an important message for King Oedipus. DIABETES: King Oedipus? CHORUS: Yes. DIABETES: I hear he lives with his mother. (Effects: Wind and lightning as SLAVE trudges on) CHORUS: Over deep mountains, through high valleys. DIABETES: High mountains and deep valleys. Where did we get this chorus? CHORUS: At all times at the mercy of the Furies. DIABETES: The Furies are having dinner with the Fates. They went to Chinatown. The Hong Fat Noodle Company. HEPATITIS (Enters): Sam Wo's is better. DIABETES: There's always a line at Sam Wo's. CHORUS: Not if you ask for Lee. He'll seat you, but you have to tip him. (HEPATITIS exits) DIABETES (Proudly): Yesterday I was a lousy slave, never having

ventured beyond my master's property. Today I carry a message to the king, the king himself. I see the world. Soon I'll be a free man. Suddenly human possibilities are opening up to me. And because of it - I have an uncontrollable urge to throw up. Oh, well . . . (Wind) CHORUS: Days turn into weeks, weeks into months. Still Phidipides struggles on. DIABETES: Can you turn off the goddamn wind machine? CHORUS: Poor Phidipides, mortal man. DIABETES: I'm tired, I'm weary, I'm sick. I can't go on. My hand is shaking . . . (The CHORUS begins humming a slow version of "Dixie") All around me men dying, war and misery, brother against brother; the South, rich in tradition; the North, mostly industrial. President Lincoln, sending the Union Army to destroy the plantation. The Old Homestead. Cotton - comin' down the river . . . (HEPATITIS enters and stares at him) Lawsy, lawsy, Miss Eva - Ah can't cross the ice. It's General Beauregard and Robert E. Lee . . . Ah - (notices HEPATITIS staring at him) I - I . . . I got carried away. (HEPATITIS grabs him around the neck and pulls him to the side) HEPATITIS: C'mere! What the hell are you doing!? DIABETES: Where's the palace? I'm walking around for days! What kind of play is this!? Where the hell is the goddamn palace? In Bensonhurst? HEPATITIS: You're at the palace if you'd stop ruining my play! Guard! Come on now, shape up. (A powerful GUARD enters) GUARD: Who are you? DIABETES: Phidipides. GUARD: What brings you to the palace? DIABETES: The palace? I'm here? GUARD: Yes. This is the royal palace. The most beautiful structure in all of Greece, marble, majestic, and completely rent-controlled. DIABETES: I bear a message for the king. GUARD: Oh, yes. He is expecting you.

DIABETES: My throat is parched and I have not eaten in days. GUARD: I will summon the king. DIABETES: What about a roast-beef sandwich? GUARD: I will get the king and a roast-beef sandwich. How do you want that? DIABETES: Medium. GUARD (Takes out a pad and writes) One medium. You get a vegetable with that. DIABETES: What do you have? GUARD: Let's see, today . . . carrots or baked potato. DIABETES: I'll have the baked potato. GUARD: Coffee? DIABETES: Please. And a toasted bow tie - if you have one - and the king. GUARD: Right. (As he exits) Let me have an RB to go with a regular coffee. (The FATES cross taking pictures) BOB: How do you like the palace? DIABETES: I love it. BOB (Handing his wife the camera): Take one of us together. (As she does) DIABETES: I thought you two were going back to New York. WENDY: You know how fate is. BOB: Unreliable. Take it easy. DIABETES (Leans in to smell the flower in BOB's lapel): That's a pretty flower. (Gets an eyeful of water as FATES laugh) BOB: I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. (Offers his hand. DIABETES shakes it. Gets a shock from a joy buzzer)

DIABETES: Ahhhh! (FATES exit laughing) WENDY: He loves to play tricks on people. DIABETES (To CHORUS): You knew he was out to get me. CHORUS: He's a scream. DIABETES: Why didn't you warn me? CHORUS: We don't like to get involved. DIABETES: You don't like to get involved? You know, a woman was stabbed to death on the BMT while sixteen people looked on and didn't help. CHORUS: We read it in the Daily News, and it was the IRT. DIABETES: If one person had ho guts to help her, maybe she'd be here today. WOMAN (Enters with knife in her chest): I am here. DIABETES: I had to open my mouth. WOMAN: A woman works her whole life on DeKalb Ave. I'm reading the Post, six hooligans - dope addicts - grab me and throw me down. CHORUS: There weren't six, there were three. WOMAN: Three, six - they had a knife, they wanted my money. DIABETES: You should have given it to them. WOMAN: I did. They still stabbed me. CHORUS: That's New York. You give 'em the money and they still stab you. DIABETES: New York? It's everywhere. I was walking with Socrates in downtown Athens, and two youths from Sparta jump out from behind the Acropolis and want all our money. WOMAN: What happened? DIABETES: Socrates proved to them using simple logic that evil was merely ignorance of the truth. WOMAN: And?

DIABETES: And they broke his nose. WOMAN: I just hope your message for the king is good news. DIABETES: I hope so, for his sake. WOMAN: For your sake. DIABETES: Right and - what do you mean, for his sake? CHORUS (Derisively): Ha, ha, ha! (The light becomes more ominous) DIABETES: The light is changing . . . What is that? What happens if it's bad news? WOMAN: In ancient times, when a messenger brought a message to the king, if the news was good, the messenger received a reward. CHORUS: Free passes to the Loew's Eighty-sixth Street. WOMAN: But if the news was bad . . . DIABETES: Don't tell me. WOMAN: The king would have the messenger put to death. DIABETES: Are we in ancient times? WOMAN: Can't you tell by what you're wearing? DIABETES: I see what you mean. Hepatitis! WOMAN: Sometimes the messenger would have his head cut off . . . if the king was in a forgiving mood. DIABETES: A forgiving mood, he cuts your head off? CHORUS: But if the news is really bad WOMAN: Then the messenger is roasted to death CHORUS: Over a slow fire. DIABETES: It's been so long since I've been roasted over a slow fire, I can't remember if I like it or not. CHORUS: Take our word for it - you won't like it. DIABETES: Where's Doris Levine? If I get my hands on that Hebrew

slave from Great Neck . . . WOMAN: She can't help you, she's miles away. DIABETES: Doris! Where the hell are you? DORIS (In the audience): What do you want? DIABETES: What are you doing there? DORIS: I got bored with the play. DIABETES: What do you mean, you got bored? Get up here! I'm up to my ass in trouble because of you! DORIS (Coming up): I'm sorry, Phidipides, how did I know what happened in ancient history? I studied philosophy. DIABETES: If the news is bad, I die. DORIS: I heard her. DIABETES: Is this your idea of freedom? DORIS: Win a couple, lose a couple. DIABETES: Win a couple, lose a couple? That's what they each you at Brooklyn College? DORIS: Hey, man, get off my back. DIABETES: If the news is bad I'm finished. Wait a minute! The news! The message. I got it right here! (Fumbles, takes a message from an envelope. Reads) For Best Supporting Actor, the winner is _________. (Use the name of the actor playing HEPATITIS) HEPATITIS (pops on): I want to accept this Tony Award and thank David Merrick ACTOR: Get off, I read the wrong message. (Pulls out the real one) WOMAN: Hurry, the king's coming. DIABETES: See if he has my sandwich. DORIS: Hurry, Phidipides! DIABETES (Reads): The message is one word. DORIS: Yes? DIABETES: How'd you know?

DORIS: Know what? DIABETES: What the message is, it's "yes." CHORUS: Is that good or bad? DIABETES: Yes? Yes is affirmative? No? Isn't it? (Testing it) Yes! DORIS: What if the question is, Does the queen have the clap? DIABETES: I see your point. CHORUS: His majesty, the king! (Fanfare, big entrance of KING) DIABETES: Sire, does the queen have the clap? KING: Who ordered this roast beef? DIABETES: I did, sire. Is that carrots? Because I asked for a baked potato. KING: We're out of baked potatoes. DIABETES: Then take it back. I'll go across the street. CHORUS: The message. (DIABETES keeps shhing them) The message, he has the message. KING: Humble slave, do you have a message for me? DIABETES: Humble king, er , . . yes, as a matter of fact . . . KING: Good. DIABETES: Can you tell me the question? KING: First the message. DIABETES: No, you first. KING: No, you. DIABETES: No, you. KING: No, you. CHORUS: Make Phidipides go first. KING: Him?

CHORUS: Yes. KING: How can I? CHORUS: Shmuck, you're the king. KING: Of course, I'm the king. What is the message? (The GUARD draws a sword) DIABETES: The message is . . . ye-no - (Trying to get an idea before spilling it) no-yeah - maybe - maybe CHORUS: He's lying. KING: The message, slave. (The GUARD puts a sword to DIABETES' throat) DIABETES: It's one word, sire. KING: One word? DIABETES: Amazing, isn't it, because for the same money he's allowed fourteen words. KING: A one-word answer to my question of questions. Is there a god? DIABETES: That's the question? KING: That - is the only question. DIABETES (Looks at DORIS, relieved): Then I'm proud to give you the message. The word is yes. KING: Yes? DIABETES: Yes. CHORUS: Yes. DORIS: Yes. DIABETES: Your turn. WOMAN (Lisp): Yeth. (DIABETES gives her an annoyed look) DORIS: Isn't that fabulous! DIABETES: I know what you're thinking, a little reward for your faithful

messenger - but our freedom is more than enough - on the other hand, if you insist on showing your appreciation, I think diamonds are always in good taste. KING (Gravely): If there is a god, then man is not responsible and I will surely be judged for my sins. DIABETES: Pardon me? KING: Judged for my sins, my crimes. Very horrible crimes, I am doomed. This message you bring me dooms me for eternity. DIABETES: Did I say yes? I meant no. GUARD (Seizes the envelope and reads the message): The message is yes, sire. KING: This is the worst possible news. DIABETES (Dropping to his knees): Sire, it's not my fault. I'm a lowly messenger, I don't create the message. I merely transmit it. It's like her majesty's clap. KING: You will be torn apart by wild horses. DIABETES: I knew you'd understand. DORIS: But he's only the messenger. You can't have him torn apart by wild horses. You usually roast them over a slow fire. KING: Too good for this scum! DIABETES: When the weatherman predicts rain, do you kill the weatherman? KING: Yes. DIABETES: I see. Well. I'm dealing with a schizophrenic. KING: Seize him. (The GUARD does) DIABETES: Wait, sire. A word in my defense. KING: Yes? DIABETES: This is only a play. KING: That's what they all say. Give me your sword. I want the pleasure of this kill myself.

DORIS: No, no - oh, why did I get us into this? CHORUS: Don't worry, you're young, you'll find somebody else. DORIS: That's true. KING (Raises the sword): Die! DIABETES: Oh, Zeus - God of Gods, come forward with your thunderbolt and save me! (All look up; nothing happens, awkward moment) Oh, Zeus . . . Oh, Zeus!!! KING: And now - die! DIABETES: Oh, Zeus - where the hell is Zeus! HEPATITIS (He enters and looks up): For Christ's sake, let's go with the machine! Lower him! TRICHINOSIS (Enters from the other side): It's stuck! DIABETES (Giving the cue again): Oh, great Zeus! CHORUS: All men come to the same end. WOMAN: I'm not gonna stand here and let him get stabbed like I was on the BMT! KING: Grab her. (The GUARD grabs her and stabs her) WOMAN: That's twice this week! Son of a bitch. DIABETES: Oh, great Zeus! God, help me! (Effect. Lightning - ZEUS is lowered very clumsily and he jerks around until we see the lowering wire has strangled him. Everyone looks on, stunned) TRICHINOSIS: Something's wrong with the machine! It's out of joint. CHORUS: At last, the entrance of God! (But he's definitely dead) DIABETES: God . . . God? God? God, are you okay? Is there a doctor in the house? DOCTOR (In the audience): I'm a doctor. TRICHINOSIS: The machine got screwed up.

HEPATITIS: Psst. Get off. You're ruining the play. DIABETES: God is dead. DOCTOR: Is he covered by anything? HEPATITIS: Ad-lib. DIABETES: What? HEPATITIS: Ad-lib the ending. TRICHINOSIS: Somebody pulled the wrong lever. DORIS: His neck is broken. KING (Trying to continue the play): Er . . . well, messenger . . . see what you've done. (Brandishes the sword. DIABETES grabs it) DIABETES (Grabbing sword): I'll take that. KING: What the hell are you doing? DIABETES: Kill me, eh? Doris, get over here. KING: Phidipides, what are you doing? GUARD: Hepatitis, he's ruining the end. CHORUS: What're you doing, Phidipides? The king should kill you. DIABETES: Says who? Where is it written? No - I choose to kill the king. (Stabs the KING, but the sword is fake) KING: Leave me alone . . . He's crazy . . . Stop! . . . That tickles. DOCTOR (Taking the pulse of the body of GOD) He's definitely dead. We better move him. CHORUS: We don't want to get involved. (THEY start exiting, carrying GOD off) DIABETES: The slave decides to be a hero! (Stabs the GUARD; the sword is still a fake) GUARD: What the hell are you doing? DORIS: I love you, Phidipides. (He kisses her.) Please, I'm not in the

mood. HEPATITIS: My play . . . my play! (To CHORUS) Where are you going? KING: I'm going to call my agent at the William Morris Agency. Sol Mishkin. He'll know what to do. HEPATITIS: This is a very serious play with a message! If it falls apart, they'll never get the message. WOMAN: The theater is for entertainment. There's an old saying, if you want to send a message, call Western Union. WESTERN UNION DELIVERY BOY (Enters on a bicycle): I have a telegram for the audience. It's the author's message. DIABETES: Who's he? DELIVERY BOY (Dismounts, sings): Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you HEPATITIS: It's the wrong message! DELIVERY BOY (Reads the wire): I'm sorry, here it is. God is dead. Stop. You're on your own. And it's signed - The Moscowitz Billiard Ball Company? DIABETES: Of course anything is possible. I'm the hero now. DORIS: And I just know I'm going to have an orgasm. I know it. DELIVERY BOY (Still reads): Doris Levine can definitely have an orgasm. Stop. If she wants to. Stop. (He grabs her) DORIS: Stop. (In the background a brutish man enters) STANLEY: Stella! Stella! HEPATITIS: There is no more reality! Absolutely none. (GROUCHO MARX runs across stage chasing BLANCHE. A MAN in audience rises) MAN: If anything's possible, I'm not going home to Forest Hills! I'm tired of working on Wall Street. I'm sick of the Long Island Expressway! (Grabs a WOMAN in the audience. Rips her blouse off, chases her up the aisle. This could also be an usherette)

HEPATITIS: My play . . . (The characters have left the stage, leaving the two original characters, the author and actor, HEPATITIS and DIABETES) My play . . . DIABETES: It was a good play. All it needed was an ending. HEPATITIS: But what did it mean? DIABETES: Nothing . . . just nothing. HEPATITIS: What? DIABETES: Meaningless. It's empty. HEPATITIS: The ending. DIABETES: Of course. What are we discussing? We're discussing the ending. HEPATITIS: We're always discussing the ending. DIABETES: Because it's hopeless. HIEPATITIS: I admit it's unsatisfying. DIABETES: Unsatisfying!? It's not even believable. (The lights start dimming) The trick is to start at the ending when you write a play. Get a good, strong ending, and then write backwards. HEPATITIS: I've tried that. I got a play with no beginning. DIABETES: That's absurd. HEPATITIS: Absurd? What's absurd? (BLACKOUT)

Woody Allen:

God (A Play) Deus (um jogo)


SCENE: Athens. CENA: Atenas. Approximately 500 BC Two distraught Greeks in the center of enormous empty amphitheatre. Cerca de 500 aC Dois gregos desassossegado no centro do vazio enorme anfiteatro. Sunset. Sunset. One is the ACTOR; the other, the WRITER. Um deles o ator, o outro, o escritor. They are both thinking and distracted. Ambos esto pensando e distrados. They should he played by two good, broad burlesque clowns. Eles devem jogou por dois bons ampla palhaos burlesco. ACTOR: Nothing . ATOR: Nada. . . . . just nothing. simplesmente nada. WRITER: What? ESCRITOR: O qu? ACTOR: Meaningless. ATOR: sem sentido. It's empty. Est vazio. WRITER: The ending. ESCRITOR: O fim. ACTOR: Of course. ATOR: Claro. What are we discussing? O que estamos discutindo? We're discussing the ending. Estamos discutindo o final. WRITER: We're always discussing the ending. ESCRITOR: Estamos sempre discutindo o final. ACTOR: Because it's hopeless. ATOR: Porque impossvel. WRITER: I admit it's unsatisfying. Escrito por: Eu admito que insatisfatrio. ACTOR: Unsatisfying? ATOR: Unsatisfying? It's not even believable. No sequer verossmil. The trick is to start at the ending when you write a play. O truque comear no final quando voc escrever uma pea. Get a good strong ending and then write backwards. Obter um bom final forte e, em seguida, escreva para trs. WRITER: I've tried that. Escrito por: Eu j tentei isso. I got a play with no beginning. Eu tenho um jogo sem comeo. ACTOR: That's absurd. ATOR: Isso um absurdo. WRITER: Absurd? ESCRITOR: Absurdo? What's absurd? O que um absurdo? ACTOR: Every play must have a beginning, middle, and end. ATOR: Cada pea deve ter um comeo, meio e fim.

WRITER: Why? ESCRITOR: Por qu? ACTOR (Confidently) : Because everything in nature has a beginning, middle, and end. ATOR (Confiante): Como tudo na natureza tem um comeo, meio e fim. WRITER: What about a circle? ESCRITOR: Que tal um crculo? ACTOR (Thinks) : Okay . ATOR (pensa): Tudo bem. . . . . A circle has no beginning, middle, or end - but they're not much fun either. Um crculo no tem comeo, meio ou fim - mas no so muito divertido. WRITER: Diabetes, think of an ending. ESCRITOR: Diabetes, pense em uma final. We open in three days. Abrimos em trs dias. ACTOR: Not me. ATOR: No me. I'm not opening in this turkey. Eu no sou de abertura deste peru. I have a reputation as an actor, a following . Eu tenho uma reputao como um ator, um a seguir. . . . . My public expects to see me in a suitable vehicle. Meu pblico espera de me ver em um veculo apropriado. WRITER: May I remind you, you're a starving, out-of-work actor whom I've generously consented to let appear in my play in an effort to assist your comeback. ESCRITOR: Gostaria de lembrar, voc um faminto, fora do trabalho de ator que eu generosamente concordou em deixar que aparecem no meu jogo, em um esforo para ajudar o seu retorno. ACTOR: Starving, yes . ATOR: fome, sim. . . . . Out of work, perhaps . Fora do trabalho, talvez. . . . . Hoping for a comeback, maybe - but a drunkard? Esperando por um retorno, talvez - mas um bbado? WRITER: I never said you were a drunkard. ESCRITOR: Eu nunca disse que voc era um bbado. ACTOR: Yes, but I'm also a drunkard. ATOR: Sim, mas eu tambm sou um beberro. WRITER (in a fit of sudden inspiration) : What if your character ripped a dagger from his robes and in a fit of frenzied frustration, tore away at his own eyes until he blinded himself? Writer (em um ataque de inspirao sbita): E se o seu personagem rasgou um punhal de suas vestes e em um surto de raiva frentica, arrancou em seus prprios olhos, at que cegou a si mesmo? ACTOR: Yeah, it's a great idea. ATOR: Sim, uma tima idia. Have you eaten anything today? Voc j comeu alguma coisa hoje? WRITER: What's wrong with it? ESCRITOR: O que h de errado com ele? ACTOR: It's depressing. ATOR: deprimente. The audience will take one look at it and - O pblico vai ter um olhar para ele e -

WRITER: I know - make that funny sound with their lips. ESCRITOR: Eu sei - fazer aquele som engraado com os lbios. ACTOR: It's called hissing. ATOR: Chama-se assobios. WRITER: Just once I want to win the competition! ESCRITOR: Apenas uma vez eu quero ganhar na competio! Once before my life is over, I want my play to take first price. Uma vez antes que minha vida mais, eu quero o meu jogo para ter primeiro preo. And it's not the free case of ouzo I care about, it's the honor. E no o caso livre de ouzo me interessa, a honra. ACTOR (Suddenly inspired) : What if the king suddenly changed his mind? ATOR (De repente inspirado): E se o rei de repente mudou de idia? There's a positive idea. H uma idia positiva. WRITER: He'd never do it. ESCRITOR: Ele nunca faria isso. ACTOR (Selling him on it) : If the queen convinced him? ATOR (vendendo-lo por isso): Se a rainha convenceu-o? WRITER: She wouldn't. ESCRITOR: Ela no faria isso. She's a bitch. Ela uma cadela. ACTOR: But if the Trojan Army surrendered - ATOR: Mas se o exrcito troiano se rendeu WRITER: They'd fight to the death. ESCRITOR: eles lutam at a morte. ACTOR: Not if Agamemnon reneged on his promise? ATOR: No se Agamenon renegou sua promessa? WRITER: It's not in his nature. ESCRITOR: No est na sua natureza. ACTOR: But I could suddenly take up arms and make a stand. ATOR: Mas de repente eu poderia pegar em armas e tomar uma posio. WRITER: It's against your character. ESCRITOR: contra o seu personagem. You're a coward - an insignificant wretched slave with the intelligence of a worm. Voc um covarde - um miservel escravo insignificante com a inteligncia de um verme. Why do you think I cast you? Porque voc acha que eu coloco voc? ACTOR: I've just given you six possible endings! ATOR: Eu acabei de dar-lhe seis finais possveis! WRITER: Each more clumsy than the last. ESCRITOR: cada uma mais desastrada do que a anterior. ACTOR: It's the play that's clumsy. ATOR: o jogo que desajeitado.

WRITER: Human beings don't behave that way. ESCRITOR: Os seres humanos no se comportam dessa maneira. It's not in their nature. No est na sua natureza. ACTOR: What does their nature mean? ATOR: Qual a sua natureza significa? We're stuck with a hopeless ending. Estamos presos com um final desesperado. WRITER: As long as man is a rational animal, as a playwright, I cannot have a character do anything on stage he wouldn't do in real life. ESCRITOR: Enquanto o homem um animal racional, como um dramaturgo, no posso ter um carter nada no palco, ele no faria na vida real. ACTOR: May I remind you that we don't exist in real life. ATOR: Gostaria de lembrar que no existem na vida real. WRITER: What do you mean? ESCRITOR: O que voc quer dizer? ACTOR: You are aware that we're characters in a play right now in some Broadway theater? ATOR: Voc est ciente de que ns somos personagens de uma pea agora em alguns dos teatros da Broadway? Don't get mad at me, I didn't write it. No fique bravo comigo, eu no escrevo. WRITER: We're characters in a play and soon we're going to see my play . ESCRITOR: Ns somos personagens de uma pea e logo vamos ver o meu jogo. . . . . which is a play within a play. que um jogo dentro de um jogo. And they're watching us. E eles esto nos assistindo. ACTOR: Yes. ATOR: Sim. It's highly metaphysical, isn't it? altamente metafsico, no ? WRITE R: Not only is it metaphysical, it's stupid! ESCREVA R: No s metafsica, estpido! ACTOR: Would you rather be one of them? ATOR: Voc prefere ser um deles? WRITER (Looking at the audience) : Definitely not. ESCRITOR (Olhando para a platia): Definitivamente no. Look at them. Olhe para eles. ACTOR: Then let's get on with it! ATOR: Ento vamos comear logo com isso! WRITER (Mutters) : They paid to get in. ESCRITOR (Mutters): Eles pagaram para obter polegadas ACTOR: Hepatitis, I'm talking to you! ATOR: Hepatite, estou falando com voc!

WRITER: I know, the problem is the ending. ESCRITOR: Eu sei, o problema o final. ACTOR: It's always the ending. ATOR: sempre o final. WRITER (Suddenly to the audience) : Do you folks have any suggestions? ESCRITOR (de repente para a platia): Do que vocs tm alguma sugesto? ACTOR: Stop talking to the audience! ATOR: Pare de falar para o pblico! I'm sorry I mentioned them. Me desculpe, eu lhes referiu. WRITER: It's bizarre, isn't it? ESCRITOR: estranho, no ? We're two ancient Greeks in Athens and we're about to see a play I wrote and you're acting in, and they're from Queens or some terrible place like that and they're watching us in someone else's play. Somos dois antigos gregos em Atenas, e estamos prestes a assistir a uma pea que eu escrevi e voc est agindo, e eles so de Queens ou em algum lugar terrvel como essa e eles esto nos observando de outra pessoa jogar. What if they're characters in another play? E se eles so personagens de outro jogo? And someone's watching them? E algum est a observ-los? Or what if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Ou que, se nada existe e estamos todos no sonho de algum? Or, what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Ou, o que pior, o que se apenas a gordura cara que na terceira fileira existe? ACTOR: That's my point. ATOR: Esse meu ponto. What if the universe is not rational and people are not set things? E se o universo no racional e as pessoas no esto definidas as coisas? Then we could change the ending and it wouldn't have to conform to any fixed notions. Ento ns podemos mudar o final e ele no teria que estar em conformidade com todas as noes fixas. You follow me? Voc me segue? WRITER: Of course not. (To the audience) You follow him? ESCRITOR: Claro que no ele. (Para a platia) voc segue? He's an actor. Ele um ator. Eats at Sardi's. Come no Sardi's. ACTOR: Play characters would have no determined traits and could choose their own characters. ATOR: Tocar personagens no teria traos determinados e pode escolher seus prprios personagens. I wouldn't have to be the slave just because you wrote it that way. Eu no teria que ser o escravo s porque voc escreveu assim. I could choose to become a hero. Eu poderia optar por se tornar um heri. WRITER: Then there's no play. ESCRITOR: Ento no h jogo. ACTOR: No play? ATOR: No jogar? Good, I'll be at Sardi's. Bom, eu vou estar no Sardi's. WRITER: Diabetes, what you're suggesting is chaos! ESCRITOR: Diabetes, o que voc est sugerindo o caos!

ACTOR: Is freedom chaos? ATOR: o caos liberdade? WRITER: Is freedom chaos? ESCRITOR: o caos liberdade? Hmm . Hmm. . . . . That's a toughie. (To the audience) Is freedom chaos? Essa uma toughie. (Para o pblico) o caos liberdade? Did anybody out there major in philosophy? Algum l fora importante na filosofia? (A GIRL from the audience answers) (Uma menina a partir das respostas da audincia) GIRL: I did. MENINA: Eu fiz. WRITER: Who's that? ESCRITOR: Quem esse? GIRL: Actually I majored in gym, with a philosophy minor. MENINA: Na verdade eu me formei no ginsio, com uma filosofia menor. WRITER: Can you come up here? ESCRITOR: Voc pode vir aqui? ACTOR: What the hell are you doing? ATOR: Que diabos voc est fazendo? GIRL: Does it matter if it was Brooklyn College? MENINA: No importa se foi Brooklyn College? WRITER: Brooklyn College? ESCRITOR: Brooklyn College? No, we'll take anything. No, ns vamos levar nada. (She's made her way up) (Ela fez seu caminho para cima) ACTOR: I am really pissed off! ATOR: Eu realmente estou chateado! WRITER: What's eating you? ESCRITOR: O que voc est comendo? ACTOR: We're in the middle of a play. ATOR: Ns estamos no meio de um jogo. Who is she? Quem ela? WRITER: In five minutes the Athenian Drama Festival begins, and I have no ending for my play! ESCRITOR: Em cinco minutos, o Festival de Teatro de Atenas comea, e eu no ter fim para o meu jogo! ACTOR: So? ATOR: Ento? WRITER: Serious philosophical questions have been raised. ESCRITOR: questes filosficas tm sido levantadas. Do we exist? Ser que existe? Do they exist? (Meaning the audience) What is the true nature of human character? Ser que eles existem? (Significado da platia) Qual a verdadeira natureza do carter humano? GIRL: Hi. MENINA: Oi. I'm Doris Levine. Estou Levine Doris. WRITER: I'm Hepatitis and this is Diabetes. Escrito por: Eu sou a

hepatite e este Diabetes. We're ancient Greeks. Ns somos gregos antigos. DORIS: I'm from Great Neck. DORIS: Eu sou de Great Neck. ACTOR: Get her off this stage! ATOR: Tirem-na nesta fase! WRITER (Really looking her up and down as she's lovely) : She's very sexy. ESCRITOR (Really olhando de cima a baixo como ela adorvel): Ela muito sexy. ACTOR: What has that got to do with it? ATOR: O que isso tem a ver com isso? DORIS: The basic philosophical question is: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it - how do we know it makes a noise? DORIS: O filosfica pergunta bsica : Se uma rvore cai na floresta e ningum est por perto para ouvi-lo - como sabemos que ele faz um barulho? (Everyone looks around, puzzled over this) (Todo mundo olha em volta, intrigado com isso) ACTOR: Why do we care? ATOR: Por que nos importamos? We're on Forty-fifth Street. Estamos no quinto Rua Quarenta. WRITER: Will you go to bed with me? ESCRITOR: Voc vai ir para a cama comigo? ACTOR: Leave her alone! ATOR: Deixe ela em paz! DORIS (To ACTOR) Mind your own business. Doris (o ator) Cuide da sua vida. WRITER (Calling offstage) : Can we lower the curtain here? ESCRITOR (Calling palco): podemos abaixar a tela aqui? Just for five minutes . S por cinco minutos. . . . (To the audience) Sit there. . (Para a platia) Sentese ali. It'll be a quickie. Vai ser uma rapidinha. ACTOR: This is outrageous! ATOR: Isso ultrajante! It's absurd! (To DORIS) Do you have a friend? um absurdo! (Com Doris) Voc tem um amigo? DORIS: Sure. (Calling to the audience) Diane, you want to come up here . DORIS:. Claro (Pedindo para a platia) Diane, voc quer vir aqui em cima. . . . . I got something going with a couple of Greeks. (No response) She's shy. Eu tenho algo a ver com um casal de gregos. (Sem resposta) Ela tmida. ACTOR: Well, we have a play to do. ATOR: Bem, temos um jogo a fazer. I'm going to report this to the author. Vou relatar este para o autor.

WRITER: I am the author! Escrito por: Eu sou o autor! ACTOR: I mean the original author. ATOR: Quero dizer ao autor original. WRITER (Sotto voce to the ACTOR) : Diabetes, I think I can score with her. ESCRITOR (Sotto voce ao ator): Diabetes, eu acho que pode marcar com ela. ACTOR: What do you mean, score? ATOR: O que voc quer dizer, a pontuao? You mean intercourse - with all these people watching? Voc quer dizer que a relao - com todas essas pessoas assistindo? WRITER: I'll lower the curtain. ESCRITOR: Eu vou baixar a cortina. Some of them even do it. Alguns deles at mesmo faz-lo. Not many, probably. No so muitos, provavelmente. ACTOR: You idiot, you're fictional, she's Jewish - you know what the children will be like? ATOR: Seu idiota, voc fico, ela judia - voc sabe o que as crianas vai ser como? WRITER: Come on, maybe we can get her friend up here. (The ACTOR goes to stage left to use the telephone) Diane? ESCRITOR: o dia, talvez ns podemos comear a amiga aqui em cima. Come (o ator vai ao palco deixou de usar o telefone) Diane? This is a chance for a date with _________. (use a real actor's name) He's a big actor . Esta uma oportunidade para um encontro com _________. (Use o nome real do ator a) Ele um grande ator. . . . . lots of TV commercials . muitos comerciais de TV. . . . . ACTOR (Into the phone) : Get me an outside line. ATOR (no telefone): Tirem-me uma linha externa. DORIS: I don't want to cause any trouble. DORIS: Eu no quero causar nenhum problema. WRITER: It's no trouble. ESCRITOR: No h problema. It's just that we've seemed to have lost touch with reality here. justo que ns parecia ter perdido contato com a realidade aqui. DORIS: Who knows what reality really is? DORIS: Quem sabe o que a realidade realmente ? WRITER: You're so right, Doris. ESCRITOR: Voc est to certo, Doris. DORIS (Philosophically) : So often people think they grasp reality when what thev're really responding to is "fakeositude". Doris (filosoficamente): Muitas vezes as pessoas pensam que apreender a realidade quando o que realmente thev're responder "fakeositude". WRITER: I have an urge toward you that I'm sure is real. ESCRITOR: Eu tenho um desejo para voc que tenho certeza real.

DORIS: Is sex real? DORIS: O sexo real? WRITER: Even if it's not, it's still one of the best fake activities a person can do. (He grabs her, she pulls back) ESCRITOR: Mesmo se no for, ainda uma das melhores atividades falsas que uma pessoa pode fazer). (Ele agarra-a, ela puxa para trs DORIS: Don't. DORIS: no. Not here. No aqui. WRITER: Why not? ESCRITOR: Porque no? DORIS: I don't know. DORIS: Eu no sei. That's my line. Essa a minha linha. WRITER: Have you ever made it with a fictional character before? ESCRITOR: Voc j fez isso com um personagem fictcio antes? DORIS: The closest I came was an Italian. DORIS: O mais prximo que cheguei foi um italiano. ACTOR (He's on the phone. We hear the party on other end through a filter) : Hello? ATOR (Ele est no telefone filtro. Ns ouvimos a outra parte no final atravs de uma): Ol? PHONE (Maid's voice) : Hello, Mr. Allen's residence. TELEFONE (a voz da empregada domstica): Ol, Allen residncia do senhor. ACTOR: Hello, may I speak to Mr. Allen? ATOR: Ol, gostaria de falar com o Sr. Allen? MAID'S VOICE: Who's calling, please? VOZ DE EMPREGADA DOMSTICA: Quem fala, por favor? ACTOR: One of the characters in his play. ATOR: Um dos personagens em seu jogo. MAID: One second. EMPREGADA DOMSTICA: Um segundo. Mr. Allen, there's a fictional character on the phone. Allen, h um personagem fictcio no telefone. ACTOR (To the others) : Now we'll see what happens with you lovebirds. ATOR (para os outros): Agora vamos ver o que acontece com voc pombinhos. WOODY'S VOICE: Hello. VOZ DE WOODY: Ol. ACTOR: Mr. Allen? ATOR: Sr. Allen? WOODY: Yes? WOODY: Sim? ACTOR: This is Diabetes. ATOR: Esta a Diabetes.

WOODY: Who? WOODY: Quem? ACTOR: Diabetes. ATOR: Diabetes. I'm a character you created. Eu sou um personagem que voc criou. WOODY: Oh, yes . WOODY: Ah, sim. . . . . I remember, you're a badly drawn character . Lembro-me, voc um personagem mal desenhado. . . . . very one-dimensional. muito unidimensional. ACTOR: Thanks. ATOR: Obrigado. WOODY: Hey - isn't the play on now? WOODY: Hey - no o jogo agora? ACTOR: That's what I'm calling about. ATOR: Isso o que eu estou ligando a respeito. We got a strange girl up on the stage and she won't get off and Hepatitis is suddenly hot for her. Temos uma garota estranha no palco e ela no vai sair e de repente A hepatite quente para ela. WOODY: What does she look like? WOODY: O que ela se parece? ACTOR: She's pretty, but she doesn't belong. ATOR: Ela bonita, mas ela no pertence. WOODY: Blonde? WOODY: Loiro? ACTOR: Brunette . ATOR: Brunette. . . . . long hair. cabelos longos. WOODY: Nice legs? WOODY: pernas bonitas? ACTOR: Yes. ATOR: Sim. WOODY: Good breasts? WOODY: seios Bom? ACTOR: Very nice. ATOR: Muito bom. WOODY: Keep her there, I'll be right over. WOODY: mant-la l, eu estarei a. ACTOR: She's a philosophy student.. ATOR: Ela uma estudante de filosofia .. But she's got no real answers . Mas ela no tem respostas reais. . . . . typical product of the Brooklyn College cafeteria. produto tpico da cantina da faculdade de Brooklyn. WOODY: That's funny, I used that line in Play it Again, Sam to describe a girl. WOODY: engraado, eu usei essa linha no Play it again, Sam para descrever uma menina. ACTOR: I hope it got a better laugh there. ATOR: Espero que ele tem uma melhor rir l.

WOODY: Put her on. WOODY: Ponha-a. ACTOR: On the phone? ATOR: No telefone? WOODY: Sure. WOODY: Claro. ACTOR (To DORIS) : It's for you. Ator (a Doris): para voc. DORIS (Whispers) : I've seen him in the movies. Doris (Sussurros): Eu o vi no cinema. Get rid of him. Livrar-se dele. ACTOR: He wrote the play. ATOR: Ele escreveu a pea. DORIS: It's pretentious. DORIS: pretensioso. ACTOR (Into the phone) : She won't speak to you. ATOR (no telefone): Ela no vai falar com voc. She says your play is pretentious. Ela diz que seu jogo pretensioso. WOODY: Oh, Jesus. WOODY: Oh, Jesus. Okay, call me back and let me know how the play ends. Ok, me ligue de volta e deixe-me saber como o jogo termina. ACTOR: Right. (He hangs up, then does a double take, realizing what the author said) ATOR: Direito). (Ele desliga, em seguida, faz um exame de casal, percebendo que o autor disse DORIS: Can I have a part in your play? DORIS: Posso ter um papel no seu jogo? ACTOR: I don't understand. ATOR: Eu no entendo. Are you an actress or a girl playing an actress? Voc uma atriz ou uma menina jogando uma atriz? DORIS: I always wanted to be an actress. DORIS: Eu sempre quis ser atriz. Mother hoped I'd become a nurse. Me espera eu havia me tornado uma enfermeira. Dad felt I should marry into society. Papai achava que eu deveria casar-se com a sociedade. ACTOR: So what do you do for a living? ATOR: Ento o que voc faz para viver? DORIS: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. DORIS: Eu trabalho para uma empresa que faz enganosamente superficial servindo pratos de restaurantes chineses. (A Greek enters from the wings) (A Grcia entra a partir das asas) TRICHINOSIS : Diabetes, Hepatitis. TRIQUINOSE: diabetes, hepatite. It's me, Trichinosis. (Ad-lib greetings) I have just come from a discussion with Socrates at the Acropolis and he proved that I didn't exist, so I'm

upset. Sou eu, triquinose. (Ad-lib saudaes) Acabo de vir de um debate com Scrates na Acrpole e ele provou que eu no existisse, ento eu estou chateada. Still, word has it you need an ending for your play. Ainda assim, a palavra tem o que voc precisa de um final para seu jogo. I think I have just the thing. Acho que tenho apenas a coisa. WRITER: Really? ESCRITOR: Srio? TRICHINOSIS: Who's she? TRIQUINOSE: Quem ela? DORIS : Doris Levine. DORIS: Levine Doris. TRICHINOSIS: Not from Great Neck? TRIQUINOSE: No de Great Neck? DORIS: Yes. DORIS: Sim. TRICHINOSIS: You know the Rappaports? TRIQUINOSE: Voc sabe o Rappaports? DORIS : Myron Rappaport? DORIS: Rappaport Myron? TRICHINOSIS (Nodding) : We both worked for the Liberal party. Triquinose (Nodding): Ns ambos trabalhavam para o partido Liberal. DORIS: What a coincidence. DORIS: Que coincidncia. TRICHINOSIS: You had an affair with Mayor Lindsay. TRIQUINOSE: Voc teve um caso com o prefeito Lindsay. DORIS: I wanted to - he wouldn't. DORIS: Eu queria - ele no quis. WRITER: What's the ending? ESCRITOR: Qual o fim? TRICHINOSIS: You're much prettier than I imagined. TRIQUINOSE: Voc muito mais bonita do que eu imaginava. DORIS: Really? DORIS: Srio? TRICHINOSIS: I'd like to sleep with you right now. TRIQUINOSE: Eu gostaria de dormir com voc agora. DORIS: Tonight's my night. (TRICHINOSIS takes her wrist passionately) Please. DORIS: Esta noite minha noite, por favor. (TRIQUINOSE toma o pulso dela com paixo). I'm a virgin. Eu sou virgem. Is that my line? que a minha linha? (The PROMPTER with book peeks out from the wings; is wearing a sweater) (O prompter com livro espreita para fora das asas; est vestindo um suter) PROMPTER: "Please. I'm a virgin." Expediente: "Por favor, eu sou

virgem.." Yes. (Exits) Sim. (Sai) WRITER: What's the goddamn ending? ESCRITOR: Qual o maldito fim? TRICHINOSIS: Huh? TRIQUINOSE: Huh? Oh - (Calls off) Fellas! (Some Greeks wheel out an elaborate machine) Oh - Solicita off) Fellas! ((Alguns gregos roda a uma mquina elaborada) WRITER: What the hell is that? ESCRITOR: Que diabos isso? TRICHINOSIS: The ending for your play. TRIQUINOSE: O final de seu jogo. ACTOR: I don't understand. ATOR: Eu no entendo. TRICHINOSIS: This machine, which I've spent six months designing in my brother-in-law's shop, holds the answer. TRIQUINOSE: Esta mquina, o que eu passei seis meses na minha concepo cunhado da loja, tem a resposta. WRITER: How? ESCRITOR: Como? TRICHINOSIS: In the final scene - when all looks black, and Diabetes the humble slave is in a position most hopeless - TRIQUINOSE: Na cena final - quando tudo parece negro e Diabetes do escravo humilde est em uma posio mais desesperada ACTOR: Yes? ATOR: Sim? TRICHINOSIS: Zeus, Father of the Gods, descends dramatically from on high and brandishing his thunderbolts, brings salvation to a grateful but impotent group of mortals. TRIQUINOSE: Zeus, Pai dos Deuses, desce dramaticamente do alto e brandindo seus raios, traz a salvao para um grupo, mas impotente grato dos mortais. DORIS: Deus ex machina. DORIS: Deus ex machina. TRICHINOSIS: Hey - That's a great name for this thing! TRIQUINOSE: Hey - Isso um grande nome para essa coisa! DORIS: My father works for Westinghouse. DORIS: Meu pai trabalha para a Westinghouse. WRITER: I still don't get it. ESCRITOR: Eu ainda no entendi. TRICHINOSIS: Wait'll you see this thing in action. TRIQUINOSE: Espere at voc ver isso em ao. It flies Zeus in. I'm going to make a fortune with this invention. Ela voa Zeus dentro Eu vou fazer uma fortuna com esta inveno. Sophocles put a deposit on one. Sfocles fazer um depsito em um. Euripides wants two. Eurpedes quer dois.

WRITER: But that changes the meaning of the play. ESCRITOR: Mas isso muda o sentido do jogo. TRICHINOSIS: Don't speak till you see a demonstration. TRIQUINOSE: No fale at que voc veja uma demonstrao. Bursitis, get into the flying harness. Bursite, entrar no cinto de vo. BURSITIS: Me? Bursite: Me? TRICHINOSIS: Do what I say. TRIQUINOSE: Faa o que eu digo. You won't believe his. Voc no vai acreditar na sua. BURSITIS: I'm afraid of that thing. Bursite: Tenho medo dessa coisa. TRICHINOSIS: He's kidding . TRIQUINOSE: Ele est brincando. . . . . Go ahead, you idiot, we're on the verge of a sale. V em frente, seu idiota, ns estamos beira de uma venda. He'll do it. Ele vai faz-lo. Ha, ha . Ha, ha. . . . . BURSITIS: I don't like heights. Bursite: Eu no gosto de alturas. TRICHINOSIS: Get into it! TRIQUINOSE: Assumam-la! Hurry up. Apresse-se. Let's go! Let's go! Get into your Zeus suit! Receba em seu terno de Zeus! A demonstration. (Exiting as BURSITIS protests) Uma demonstrao. (Saindo como protestos bursite) BURSITIS: I want to call my agent. Bursite: Eu quero chamar o meu agente. WRITER: But you're saying God comes in at the end and saves everything. ESCRITOR: Mas voc est dizendo que Deus vem no final e salva tudo. ACTOR: I love it! ATOR: I love it! It gives the people their money's worth. Ele d ao povo o dinheiro o seu valor. DORIS: He's right. DORIS: Ele est certo. It's like those Hollywood Bible movies. como aqueles filmes de Hollywood Bblia. WRITER (Taking center stage a little too dramatically) : But if God saves everything, man is not responsible for his actions. Writer (no centro do palco Levando um pouco dramtica): Mas se Deus salva tudo, o homem no responsvel por seus atos. ACTOR: You wonder why you're not invited to more parties . ATOR: Voc quer saber porque voc no est convidado para mais festas. . . . . DORIS: But without God, the universe is meaningless. DORIS: Mas sem Deus, o universo no tem sentido. Life is meaningless. A vida sem sentido. We're meaningless. (Deadly pause) I have a sudden and overpowering urge to get laid. Estamos sem sentido. (Deadly pausa) Eu tenho uma vontade sbita e avassaladora para transar.

WRITER: Now I'm not in the mood. ESCRITOR: Agora eu no estou de bom humor. DORIS: Really? DORIS: Srio? Would anyone in the audience care to make it with me? Ser que ningum no atendimento pblico a fazer isso comigo? ACTOR: Stop that! (To the audience) She's not serious, folks. ATOR: Parem com isso gente! (Para a platia) Ela no grave. WRITER: I'm depressed. ESCRITOR: Eu estou deprimido. ACTOR: What's bothering you? ATOR: O que est incomodando voc? WRITER: I don't know if I believe in God. ESCRITOR: No sei se acredito em Deus. DORIS (To the audience) : I am serious. Doris (Para a platia): Eu sou srio. ACTOR: If there's no God, who created the universe? ATOR: Se no h Deus, que criou o universo? WRITER: I'm not sure yet. ESCRITOR: Eu ainda no tenho certeza. ACTOR: Who do you mean, you're not sure yet!? ATOR: Quem voc quer dizer, voc no tem certeza ainda!? When are you going to know? Quando voc vai saber? DORIS: Anybody out there want to sleep with me? DORIS: Algum a quer dormir comigo? MAN (Rising in the audience) : I'll sleep with that girl if nobody else will. MAN (Rising na platia): Eu vou dormir com aquela garota que ningum mais o far. DORIS: Will you, sir? DORIS: o senhor vai? MAN: What's wrong with everybody? HOMEM: O que h de errado com todo mundo? A beautiful girl like that? Uma menina bonita como essa? Aren't there any red-blooded men in the audience? Que no existe nenhum Os homens de sangue vermelho na audincia? You're all a bunch of New York left-wing Jewish intellectual commie pinkos - Vocs so todos um bando de Nova York de esquerda comunista judaica pinkos intelectual (LORENZO MILLER comes out from wings. He is dressed in contemporary clothes) (Lorenzo MILLER sai das asas. Ele est vestido com roupas contemporneas) LORENZO: Sit down, will you sit down? LORENZO: Sente-se, voc vai

sentar? MAN: Okay, okay. HOMEM: Ok, ok. WRITER: Who are you? ESCRITOR: Quem voc? LORENZO: Lorenzo Miller. LORENZO: Miller Lorenzo. I created this audience. Eu criei este pblico. I'm a writer. Eu sou um escritor. WRITER: What do you mean? ESCRITOR: O que voc quer dizer? LORENZO: I wrote: a large group of people from Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, and Long Island come to the Golden Theater and watch a play. LORENZO: Eu escrevi: um grande grupo de pessoas de Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan e Long Island vir para o Teatro Ouro e assistir a um jogo. There they are. L esto eles. DORIS (Pointing to the audience) : You mean they're fictional too? (LORENZO nods) They're not free to do as they please? Doris (Apontando para a platia): Voc quer dizer que eles esto muito ficcional, por favor? (LORENZO acena) est Elas no so livres de fazer o que? LORENZO: They think they are, but they always do what's expected of them. LORENZO: Eles pensam que so, mas eles sempre fazem o que esperado deles. WOMAN (Suddenly a WOMAN rises in audience, quite angrily) : I'm not fictional! MULHER (de repente uma mulher se levanta na platia, bastante irritado): Eu no sou de fico! LORENZO: I'm sorry, madam, but you are. LORENZO: Me desculpe, minha senhora, mas voc . WOMAN: But I have a son at the Harvard Business School. MULHER: Mas eu tenho um filho na Harvard Business School. LORENZO: I created your son; he's fictional. LORENZO: Eu criei o seu filho, ele fictcio. Not only is he fictional, he's homosexual. No s ele fictcio, ele homossexual. MAN: I'll show you how fictional I am. HOMEM: Eu vou te mostrar como eu sou ficcional. I'm leaving this theater and getting my money back. Eu estou deixando isso de teatro e conseguir meu dinheiro de volta. This is a stupid play. Este um jogo estpido. In fact, it's no play. Na verdade, no de jogar. I go to the theater, I want to see something with a story - with a beginning, middle, and end - instead of this bullshit. Eu vou ao teatro, quero ver uma coisa com uma histria - com comeo, meio e fim - ao invs desta treta. Good night. (Exits up the aisle in a huff) Boa noite. (Sai pelo corredor em um huff) LORENZO (To the audience) : Isn't he a great character. LORENZO (Para a platia): Ele no um grande personagem. I wrote him very

angry. Escrevi-lhe com muita raiva. Later he feels guilty and commits suicide. (Sound: gunshot) Later! Mais tarde, ele se sente culpado e comete suicdio. (Sound: de bala) mais tarde! MAN (Reenters with a smoking pistol) : I'm sorry, did I do it too soon? MAN (Reinsere com uma pistola de fumar): Me desculpe, eu fiz muito cedo? LORENZO: Get out of here! LORENZO: Sai daqui! MAN: I'll be at Sardi's. (Exits) HOMEM: Eu estarei em Sardi's). (Sai LORENZO (In the audience, dealing with various people of the actual audience) : What's your name sir? LORENZO (Na platia, lidando com vrias pessoas da platia real): Qual o seu nome, senhor? Uh-huh. (Adlib section, depending on what audience says) Where are you from? Uhhuh. (-Lib seo de anncios, dependendo do pblico diz) Onde est voc? Isn't he cute? Ele no fofo? Great character. grande personagem. Must remind them to dress him differently. Deve recordar-lhes a vesti-lo de forma diferente. Later this woman leaves her husband for this guy. Mais tarde, esta mulher deixa o marido para esse cara. Hard to believe, I know. Difcil de acreditar, eu sei. Oh - look at this guy. Oh - olhe para esse cara. Later he rapes that lady. Mais tarde, ele estupra aquela senhora. WRITER: It's terrible being fictional. ESCRITOR: terrvel ser ficcional. We're are so limited. Estamos so to limitados. LORENZO: Only by the limits of the playwright. LORENZO: S os limites do dramaturgo. Unfortunately you happen to have been written by Woody Allen. Infelizmente acontecer de voc ter sido escrito por Woody Allen. Think if you were written by Shakespeare. Pense se voc foi escrita por Shakespeare. WRITER: I don't accept it. ESCRITOR: Eu no aceito isso. I'm a free man and I don't need God flying in to save my play. Eu sou um homem livre e eu no preciso de Deus voando para salvar o meu jogo. I'm a good writer. Eu sou um bom escritor. DORIS: You want to win the Athenian Drama Festival, don't you? DORIS: Voc quer ganhar o Festival de Teatro de Atenas, no ? WRITER (Suddenly dramatic) : Yes. ESCRITOR (De repente dramtica): Sim. I want to be immortal. Eu quero ser imortal. I don't want to just die and be forgotten. Eu no quero apenas morrer e ser esquecido. I want my works to live on long after my physical body has passed away. Eu quero os meus trabalhos para viver muito tempo depois de meu corpo fsico j passou. I want future generations to know I existed! Quero que as futuras geraes saibam que eu existia! Please don't let me be a meaningless dot, drifting through eternity. Por favor, no me deixe ser um ponto sem sentido, vagando por toda a eternidade. I thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Agradeo-vos, senhoras e senhores. I would like to accept this Tony Award and thank David Merrick . Gostaria de aceitar este prmio

Tony e agradecer a David Merrick. . . . . DORIS: I don't care what anybody says, I'm real. DORIS: Eu no me importo o que digam, eu sou real. LORENZO: Not really. LORENZO: Na verdade no. DORIS: I think, therefore I am. DORIS: Penso, logo sou. Or better yet. Ou, melhor ainda. I feel - I have an orgasm. Eu me sinto - eu tenho um orgasmo. LORENZO: You do? LORENZO: Voc tem? DORIS: All the time. DORIS: Todo o tempo. LORENZO: Really? LORENZO: Srio? DORIS: Very frequently. DORIS: Muito freqentemente. LORENZO: Yes? LORENZO: Sim? DORIS: Most of the time I do, yes. DORIS: Na maioria das vezes eu fao, sim. LORE NZO: Yes? LORE NZO: Sim? DORIS: At least half the time. DORIS: pelo menos metade do tempo. LORENZO: No. LORENZO: No. DORIS: I do! DORIS: eu fao! With certain men . Com certos homens. . . .. LORENZO: Hard to believe. LORENZO: Difcil de acreditar. DORIS: Not necessarily through intercourse. DORIS: No necessariamente atravs de relaes sexuais. Usually it's oral. Geralmente oral. LORENZO: Uh-huh. LORENZO: Uh-huh. DORIS: Of course I fake it too. DORIS: Claro que eu fingi-lo tambm. I dont want to insult anybody. Eu no quero insultar ningum. LORENZO: Have you ever had an orgasm? LORENZO: Voc j teve um orgasmo? DORIS: Not really. DORIS: Na verdade no. No. No. LORENZO: Because none of us are real. LORENZO: Porque nenhum de ns so reais.

WRITER: But if we 're not real, we can't die. ESCRITOR: Mas se ns no real, no podemos morrer. LORZNZO: No. Not unless the playwright decides to kill us. LORZNZO: No. No a menos que o dramaturgo decide matar-nos. WRITER: Why would he do something like that? ESCRITOR: Por que ele faria algo assim? (From the wings, BLANCHE DuBOIS enters) (De asas, Blanche DuBois entra) BLANCHE: Because, sugar, it satisfies something called their - aesthetic sensibility. BLANCHE: Porque, acar, ele satisfaz alguma coisa chamou sua - sensibilidade esttica. WRITER (All turn to look at her) : Who are you? ESCRITOR (All vez de olhar para ela): Quem voc? BLANCHE: Blanche. BLANCHE: Blanche. Blanche DuBois. Blanche DuBois. It means "white woods." Ela significa "mata branca". Don't get up, please - I was just passing through. No se levante, por favor - Eu estava s de passagem. DORIS: What are you doing here? DORIS: O que voc est fazendo aqui? BLANCHE: Seeking refuge. BLANCHE: em busca de refgio. Yes - in this old theater . Sim - neste velho teatro. . . . . I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. Eu no pude deixar de ouvir a conversa. Could I get a coke with a little bourbon in it? Eu poderia ter um coque com um bourbon pouco nele? ACTOR (Appears. We didn't realize he'd slipped away) : Is a Seven-Up okay? ATOR (aparece. Ns no percebemos que ele escapuliu): uma Seven-Up ok? WRITER: Where the hell were you? ESCRITOR: Onde diabos voc estava? ACTOR: I went to the bathroom. ATOR: Eu fui para o banheiro. WRITER: In the middle of the play? ESCRITOR: No meio do jogo? ACTOR: What play? (To BLANCHE) Will you explain to him we're all limited. ATOR: jogar? O que (a Blanche) Voc vai explicar a ele que estamos todos limitados. BLANCHE: I'm afraid it's all too true. BLANCHE: Eu tenho medo tudo muito verdadeiro. Too true and too ghastly. Muito verdadeiro e muito medonho. That's why I ran out of my play. por isso que eu corri para fora de meu jogo. Escaped. Escapado. Oh, not that Mr. Tennessee

Williams is not a very great writer, but honey - he dropped me in the center of a nightmare. Ah, no que o Sr. Tennessee Williams no um grande escritor muito, mas o mel - ele me deixou no centro de um pesadelo. The last thing I remember, I was being taken out by two strangers, one who held a strait jacket. A ltima coisa que me lembro, eu estava sendo levado a cabo por dois desconhecidos, um que tinha uma camisa de fora. Once outside the Kowalski residence, I broke free and ran. Uma vez fora da residncia Kowalski, me libertei e correu. I've got to get into another play, a play where God exists . Eu tenho que entrar em outro jogo, um jogo onde Deus existe. . . . . somewhere where I can rest at last. em algum lugar onde eu posso descansar finalmente. That's why you must put me in your play and allow Zeus, young and handsome Zeus to triumph with his thunderbolt. por isso que voc deve me colocar em seu jogo e permitir que Zeus, Zeus jovens e bonitos para triunfar com o seu raio. WRITER: You went to the bathroom? ESCRITOR: Voc foi ao banheiro? TRICHINOSIS (Enters) : Ready for the demonstration. Triquinose (Entra): Pronto para a demonstrao. BLANCHE: A demonstration. BLANCHE: uma demonstrao. How wonderful. Como maravilhoso. TRICHINOSIS (Calling offstage) : Ready out there? Triquinose (chamada nos bastidores): Pronto l fora? Okay. Okay. It's the end of the play. o fim do jogo. Everything looks hopeless for the slave. Tudo parece perdido para o escravo. All other means desert him. Todos os outros meios abandon-lo. He prays. Ele reza. Go ahead. V em frente. ACTOR: Oh, Zeus. ATOR: Oh, Zeus. Great god. Grande deus. We are confused and helpless mortals. Estamos confusos e impotentes mortais. Please be merciful and change our lives. (Nothing happens) Er . Por favor, seja misericordioso e mudar nossas vidas. (Nada acontece) Er. . . . . great Zeus . Grande Zeus. . . . . TRICHINOSIS: Let's go, fellas! TRIQUINOSE: Vamos, rapazes! For Christ's sake. Para o amor de Cristo. ACTOR: Oh, great God. ATOR: Oh, grande Deus. (Suddenly there is thunder and fabulous lightning. The effect is wonderful: ZEUS descends, hurling thunderbolts majestically) (De repente, h troves e relmpagos fabulosa. O efeito maravilhoso ZEUS desce, arremessando raios majestosamente) BURSITIS (As ZEUS) : I am Zeus, God of Gods! Bursite (como Zeus): Eu sou Zeus, deus dos deuses! Worker of miracles! Trabalhador de milagres! Creator of the Universe! Criador do Universo! I bring salvation to all! Eu levar a salvao a todos!

DORIS: Wait'll Westinghouse sees this! DORIS: Espere at Westinghouse v isso! TRICHINOSIS: Well, Hepatitis, what do you think? TRIQUINOSE: Bem, a hepatite, o que voc acha? WRITER: I love it! Escrito por: I love it! It's better than I expected. melhor do que eu esperava. It's dramatic, it's flamboyant. dramtico, extravagante. I'm going to win the festival! Eu vou ganhar o festival! I'm a winner. Eu sou um vencedor. It's so religious. muito religiosa. Look, I got chills! Olha, eu tenho arrepios! Doris! (He grabs her) Doris! (Ele agarra-la) DORIS: Not now. (There is a general exit, a light change . . .) DORIS: agora. No (existe uma sada geral, uma mudana de luz...) WRITER: I must do some immediate rewrites. ESCRITOR: Devo fazer algumas regravaes imediato. TRICHINOSIS: I'll rent you my God machine for twenty-six fifty an hour. TRIQUINOSE: Eu vou alugar a minha mquina de Deus para 2006 cinquenta uma hora. WRITER (to LORENZO) : Can you introduce my play? Escritor (a Lorenzo): Voc pode apresentar o meu jogo? LORENZO: Sure, go ahead. (THEY all exit. LORENZO stays behind and faces audience. As he speaks, a Greek CHORUS enters and sits in the background of the amphitheater. White-robed, naturally) Good evening and welcome to the Athenian Drama Festival. (Sound: cheering) We got a great show for you tonight. LORENZO: Claro, v em frente Drama. (Todos-sada. LORENZO fica para trs e olha para o pblico vestido. Como ele, fala um grego REFRO entra e se senta no fundo, do anfiteatro. Branco naturalmente bom) noite e bem vindo ao Ateniense a Festival). (Som: torcendo Temos um grande show para voc esta noite. A new play by Hepatitis of Rhodes, entitled, "The Slave." (Sound: cheers) Starring Diabetes as the slave, with Bursitis as Zeus, Blanche DuBois, and Doris Levine from Great Neck. (Cheers) The show is brought to you by Gregory Londos' Lamb Restaurant, just opposite the Parthenon. Uma nova pea de Hepatite de Rodes, intitulado "O Escravo". Sound: cheers) Estrelando Diabetes como o escravo, com bursite como Zeus, Blanche DuBois, e Doris de Levine Great Neck. ((Cheers) O show apresentado-lhe por Londos 'Cordeiro Gregrio Restaurante, em frente ao Partenon. Don't be a Medusa with snakes in your hair when you're looking for a place to dine out. No seja um Medusa com cobras em seu cabelo quando voc est procurando um lugar para jantar fora. Try Gregory Londos' Lamb Restaunant. Try 'Londos Cordeiro Restaunant Gregory. Remember, Homer liked it - and he was blind. Lembre-se, Homer gostaram - e ele era cego. (He exits. DIABETES plays the slave named PHIDIPIDES and right now, he drifts on with another GREEK SLAVE as the CHORUS takes over) (Ele

sai. DIABETES interpreta o escravo chamado PHIDIPIDES e agora, ele deriva de um outro escravo grego como o coro retoma) CHORUS: Gather round, ye Greeks, and heed the story of Phidipides one so wise, so passionate, so steeped in the glories of Greece. REFRO: Aproximem-se, os gregos vs, e preste ateno a histria de Phidipides um to sbio, to apaixonado e to mergulhada nas glrias da Grcia. DIABETES: My point is, what are we going to do with such a big horse? DIABETES: O meu ponto , o que vamos fazer com esse grande um cavalo? FRIEND: But they want to give it to us for nothing. AMIGO: Mas eles querem dar-nos por nada. DIABETES: So what? DIABETES: E da? Who needs it? Quem precisa disso? It's a big wooden horse . um grande cavalo de madeira. . . . . What the hell are we going to do with it? Que diabos que vamos fazer com ele? It's not even a pretty horse. No nem um cavalo bonito. Mark my words, Cratinus - as a Greek statesman, I would never trust the Trojans. Guarde minhas palavras, Cratino - como um estadista grego, eu nunca confiaria os troianos. You notice they never take a day off? Voc percebe que nunca ter um dia de folga? FRIEND: Did you hear about Cyclops? AMIGO: Voc j ouviu falar Ciclope? He got a middle eye infection. Ele pegou uma infeco ocular mdia. VOICE OFF: Phidipides! VOZ OFF: Phidipides! Where is that slave? Onde que escravo? DIABETES: Coming, Master! DIABETES: Mestre, vindo! MASTER (Enters) : Phidipides - there you are. MASTER (Entra): Phidipides - l voc . There's work to be done. H trabalho a ser feito. The grapes need picking, my chariot must be repaired. As uvas precisam escolher, o meu carro deve ser reparado. we need water from the well and you're out shmoozing. precisamos de gua do poo - e voc est fora shmoozing. DIABETES: I wasn't shmoozing, Master, I was discussing politics. DIABETES: Eu no estava shmoozing Mestre, eu estava discutindo poltica. MASTER: A slave discussing politics! MASTER: Um escravo discutindo poltica! Ha, ha! Ha, ha! CHORUS: Ha, ha . CORO: Ha, ha. . . . . That's rich. Isso rico. DIABETES: I'm sorry, Master. DIABETES: Me desculpe, mestre. MASTER: You and the new Hebrew slave clean the house. MASTER:

Voc eo escravo hebreu novo limpar a casa. I'm expecting guests. Estou esperando os clientes. Then get on with all the other tasks. Em seguida, comear com todas as outras tarefas. DIABETES: The new Hebrew? DIABETES: O hebraico novo? MASTER: Doris Levine. MASTER: Levine Doris. DORIS: You called? DORIS: Voc chamou? MASTER: Clean up. MASTER: Clean up. Let's go. Let's go. Hurry on. Depressa. CHORUS: Poor Phidipides. REFRO: Phidipides Pobres. A slave. Um escravo. And like all slaves, he longed for one thing. E como todos os escravos, ele ansiava por uma coisa. DIABETES: To be taller. DIABETES: Para ser mais alto. CHORUS: To be free. Refro: Para ser livre. DIABETES: I don't want to be free. DIABETES: Eu no quero ser livre. CHORUS: No? REFRO: No? DIABETES: I like it this way. DIABETES: eu gosto desse jeito. I know what's expected of me. Eu sei o que esperado de mim. I'm taken care of. Estou cuidado. I don't have to make any choices. Eu no tenho que fazer escolhas. I was born a slave and I'll die a slave. Eu nasci escravo e eu vou morrer um escravo. I have no anxiety. Eu no tenho nenhuma ansiedade. CHORUS: Boo . REFRO: Boo. . . . . boo . boo. . . . . DIABETES: Ah, what do you know, chorus boys. (He kisses DORIS, she pulls away) DIABETES: O que voc sabe, em coro. Rapazes Ah (Ele beija DORIS, ela se afasta) DORIS: Don't. DORIS: no. DIABETES: Why not? DIABETES: Porque no? Doris, you know my heart is heavy with love - or as you Hebrews are fond of saying, I have a thing for you. Doris, voc sabe que meu corao est pesado com o amor ou como voc Hebreus gostam de dizer, eu tenho uma coisa para voc. DORIS: It can't work. DORIS: Ele no pode trabalhar. DIABETES: Why not? DIABETES: Porque no? DORIS: Because you like being a slave and I hate it. DORIS: Porque voc gosta de ser um escravo e eu detesto isso. I want my freedom. Eu quero a minha liberdade. I want to travel and write books, live in Paris, maybe start a woman's magazine. Quero viajar e escrever livros, viver em Paris,

talvez comece a mulher uma revista. DIABETES: What's the big deal about freedom? DIABETES: O que a grande coisa sobre a liberdade? It's dangerous. perigoso. To know one's place is safe. Para saber o seu lugar seguro. Don't you see, Doris, governments change hands every week, political leaders murder one another, cities are sacked, people are tortured. Voc no v, Doris, os governos mudam de mos a cada semana, um assassinato de lderes polticos de outra, as cidades so despedidos, as pessoas so torturadas. If there's a war, who do you think gets killed? Se h uma guerra, quem voc acha que morto? The free people. O povo livre. But we're safe because no matter who's in power, they all need someone to do the heavy cleaning. Mas ns estamos seguros porque no importa quem est no poder, todos eles precisam de algum para fazer a limpeza pesada. (He grabs her) (Ele agarra-la) DORIS: Don't. DORIS: no. While I am still a slave I can never enjoy sex. Enquanto eu ainda sou um escravo eu nunca pode desfrutar do sexo. DIABETES: Would you be willing to fake it? DIABETES: O senhor estaria disposto a fingir? DORIS: Forget it. DORIS: Esquea isso. CHORUS: And then one day the fates lent a hand. REFRO: E ento um dia o destino deu uma mozinha. (The FATES enter, a couple dressed like American tourists, wearing jazzy Hawaiian shirts; BOB has a camera around his neck) (O FATES entrar, alguns vestidos como os turistas americanos, vestindo camisas havaianas jazzy; BOB tem uma cmera em volta do pescoo) BOB: Hi, we're the Fates, Bob and Wendy Fate. BOB: Ol, ns somos o destino, o destino de Bob e Wendy. We need someone to take an urgent message to the king. Precisamos de algum para levar uma mensagem urgente para o rei. DIABETES: The king? DIABETES: O rei? BOB: You would be doing mankind a great service. BOB: Voc estaria fazendo um grande servio a humanidade. DIABETES: I would? DIABETES: Eu? WENDY: Yes, but it's a dangerous mission, and even though you are a slave, you may say no. Wendy: Sim, mas uma misso perigosa, e mesmo que voc um escravo, voc pode dizer no. DIABETES: No. DIABETES: No. BOB: But it will give you a chance to see the palace in all its glory. BOB:

Mas ele vai te dar uma chance para ver o palcio em toda a sua glria. WENDY: And the reward is your freedom. Wendy: E a recompensa a sua liberdade. DIABETES: My freedom? DIABETES: A minha liberdade? Yes, well, I'd love to help you, but I have a roast in the stove. Sim, bem, eu adoraria te ajudar, mas eu tenho um assado no forno. DORIS: Let me do it. DORIS: Deixe-me faz-lo. BOB: It's too dangerous for a woman. BOB: muito perigoso para uma mulher. DIABETES: She's a very fast runner. DIABETES: Ela um corredor muito rpido. DORIS: Phidipides, how can you refuse? DORIS: Phidipides, como voc pode recusar? DIABETES: When you're a coward, certain things come easy. DIABETES: Quando voc um covarde, certas coisas que vem fcil. WENDY: We beg of you - please - Wendy: Ns pedimos a voc - por favor BOB: The fate of mankind hangs in the balance. BOB: O destino da humanidade est em jogo. WENDY: We'll raise the reward. Wendy: Vamos levantar a recompensa. Freedom for you and any person of your choice. Liberdade para voc e qualquer pessoa de sua escolha. BOB: Plus a sixteen-piece starter set of silverware. BOB: Mais um dezesseis peas conjunto inicial de talheres. DORIS: Phidipides, here's our chance. DORIS: Phidipides, aqui a nossa chance. CHORUS: Go ahead, you jerk. Refro: V em frente, seu idiota. DIABETES: A dangerous misson followed by personal freedom? DIABETES: A missao perigosa seguido de liberdade pessoal? I'm getting nauseous. Eu estou ficando enjoado. WENDY (Hands him an envelope) : Take this message to the king. Wendy (Entrega-lhe um envelope): Leva esta mensagem para o rei. DIABETES: Why can't you take it? DIABETES: Porque voc no pode tom-lo? BOB: We're leaving for New York in a few hours. PRUMO: Ns estamos

saindo de Nova York em poucas horas. DORIS: Phidipides, you say you love me - DORIS: Phidipides, voc diz que me ama DIABETES: I do. DIABETES: eu fao. CHORUS: Let's go, Phidipides, the play is bogging down. REFRO: Vamos l, Phidipides, o jogo atolar. DIABETES: Decisions, decisions . DIABETES: Decises, decises. . . . (Telephone rings and he answers it) Hello? . (O telefone toca e ele atende) Ol? WOODY'S VOICE: Will you take the goddamn message to the king. VOZ DE WOODY: Voc vai levar a mensagem maldita para o rei. We'd all like to get the hell out of here. Ns todos gostaramos de dar o fora daqui. DIABETES (Hangs up) I'll do it. DIABETES (trava para cima) Eu vou fazer isso. But only because Woody asked me to. Mas s porque Woody me pediu. CHORUS (Sings) Poor Professor Higgins - CORO (Canta) Professor Higgins Pobres DIABETES: That's the wrong show, you idiots! DIABETES: Esse o show errado, seus idiotas! DORIS: Good luck, Phidipides. Phidipides, Doris Boa sorte. WENDY: You're really going to need it. Wendy: Voc realmente vai precisar dela. DIABETES: What do you mean? DIABETES: O que voc quer dizer? WENDY: Bob here is really a practical joker. WENDY: Bob aqui realmente um grande brincalho. DORIS: After we're free we can go to bed, and maybe for once I'll enjoy it. DORIS: Depois que somos livres, podemos ir para a cama, e talvez pela primeira vez eu vou gostar. HEPATITIS (Pops on stage) : Sometimes a little grass before you make it HEPATITE (Pops no palco): s vezes um pouco de relva antes de faz-lo ACTOR: You're the writer! ATOR: Voc o escritor! HEPATITIS: I couldn't resist! HEPATITE: eu no pude resistir! (Exit) (Sair)

DORIS: Go! DORIS: Go! DIABETES: I'm going! DIABETES: Eu vou! CHORUS: And so Phidipides set out on his journey bearing an important message for King Oedipus. REFRO: E assim Phidipides partiu em sua jornada tendo uma importante mensagem para o rei dipo. DIABETES: King Oedipus? DIABETES: dipo Rei? CHORUS: Yes. REFRO: Sim. DIABETES: I hear he lives with his mother. DIABETES: Ouvi dizer que ele vive com sua me. (Effects: Wind and lightning as SLAVE trudges on) (Efeitos de vento e relmpagos sobre como ESCRAVO trudges) CHORUS: Over deep mountains, through high valleys. REFRO: Sobre as montanhas de profundidade, atravs de vales de altura. DIABETES: High mountains and deep valleys. DIABETES: As altas montanhas e vales profundos. Where did we get this chorus? Quando chegamos com o refro? CHORUS: At all times at the mercy of the Furies. REFRO: Em todas as vezes merc das Frias. DIABETES: The Furies are having dinner with the Fates. DIABETES: As Frias esto jantando com o Fates. They went to Chinatown. Eles foram para Chinatown. The Hong Fat Noodle Company. A empresa Fat Noodle Kong. HEPATITIS (Enters) : Sam Wo's is better. HEPATITE (Entra): Sam Wo melhor. DIABETES: There's always a line at Sam Wo's. DIABETES: H sempre uma linha de Sam Wo. CHORUS: Not if you ask for Lee. REFRO: No se voc perguntar para Lima. He'll seat you, but you have to tip him. Ele vai do assento, mas voc tem que derrubar ele. (HEPATITIS exits) (Sadas de hepatite) DIABETES (Proudly) : Yesterday I was a lousy slave, never having ventured beyond my master's property. DIABETES (orgulhosa): Ontem eu era um escravo miservel, sem nunca ter se aventurado alm mestre minha propriedade. Today I carry a message to the king, the king himself. Hoje trago uma mensagem para o rei, o prprio rei. I see the world. Eu vejo o mundo. Soon I'll be a free man. Logo eu vou ser um homem livre.

Suddenly human possibilities are opening up to me. De repente, as possibilidades humanas esto se abrindo para mim. And because of it - I have an uncontrollable urge to throw up. E por causa disso - eu tenho uma vontade incontrolvel de vomitar. Oh, well . Ah, bem. . . . . (Wind) (Vento) CHORUS: Days turn into weeks, weeks into months. REFRO: Dias se transformam em semanas, semanas em meses. Still Phidipides struggles on. Ainda Phidipides lutas por diante. DIABETES: Can you turn off the goddamn wind machine? DIABETES: Voc pode desligar a mquina de vento maldito? CHORUS: Poor Phidipides, mortal man. CHORUS: Pobre Phidipides, o homem mortal. DIABETES: I'm tired, I'm weary, I'm sick. DIABETES: Eu estou cansado, estou cansado, estou doente. I can't go on. Eu no posso ir. My hand is shaking . Minha mo est tremendo. . . . (The CHORUS begins humming a slow version of "Dixie") All around me men dying, war and misery, brother against brother; the South, rich in tradition; the North, mostly industrial. . (O refro comea a sussurrar uma verso lenta de "Dixie") Todos os homens morrendo em volta de mim a guerra ea misria, irmo contra irmo, o sul, rico em tradio, o do Norte, principalmente industrial. President Lincoln, sending the Union Army to destroy the plantation. Presidente Lincoln, enviando o exrcito da Unio para destruir a plantao. The Old Homestead. O Old Homestead. Cotton - comin' down the river . Algodo - comin 'descer o rio. . . . (HEPATITIS enters and stares at him) Lawsy, lawsy, Miss Eva - Ah can't cross the ice. . (Hepatite entra e olha para ele) Lawsy, lawsy, Miss Eva - Ah no pode atravessar o gelo. It's General Beauregard and Robert E. Lee . Beauregard Gerais e Robert E. Lee. . . . . Ah - (notices HEPATITIS staring at him) I - I . Ah - (avisos HEPATITE olhando para ele) eu - eu. . . . . I got carried away. Eu me empolguei. (HEPATITIS grabs him around the neck and pulls him to the side) (Pega HEPATITE-o pelo pescoo e puxa-o para o lado) HEPATITIS: C'mere! HEPATITE: Vem c! What the hell are you doing!? Que diabos voc est fazendo? DIABETES: Where's the palace? DIABETES: Onde est o palcio? I'm walking around for days! Estou andando por dias! What kind of play is this!? Que tipo de jogo esse?! Where the hell is the goddamn palace? Onde diabos est o palcio maldito? In Bensonhurst? Em Bensonhurst? HEPATITIS: You're at the palace if you'd stop ruining my play! HEPATITE: Voc est no palcio, se voc parasse de arruinar o meu jogo! Guard! Guarda! Come on now, shape up. Vamos, agora, forma-se. (A powerful GUARD enters) (A GUARDA poderosa entra)

GUARD: Who are you? GUARDA: Quem voc? DIABETES: Phidipides. DIABETES: Phidipides. GUARD: What brings you to the palace? GUARDA: O que o traz para o palcio? DIABETES: The palace? DIABETES: O palcio? I'm here? Eu estou aqui? GUARD: Yes. GUARDA: Sim. This is the royal palace. Este o palcio real. The most beautiful structure in all of Greece, marble, majestic, and completely rent-controlled. A estrutura mais bela de toda a Grcia, mrmore, majestosa e completamente rent-controlados. DIABETES: I bear a message for the king. DIABETES: Presto uma mensagem para o rei. GUARD: Oh, yes. GUARDA: Ah, sim. He is expecting you. Ele est esperando por voc. DIABETES: My throat is parched and I have not eaten in days. DIABETES: Minha garganta est seca e eu no ter comido em dias. GUARD: I will summon the king. GUARDA: Eu vou chamar o rei. DIABETES: What about a roast-beef sandwich? DIABETES: Que tal um sanduche de carne assada? GUARD: I will get the king and a roast-beef sandwich. GUARDA: Eu vou tirar o rei e um sanduche de carne assada. How do you want that? Como voc quer isso? DIABETES: Medium. DIABETES: Mdio. GUARD (Takes out a pad and writes) One medium. GUARDA (pega uma almofada e escreve) Um mdio. You get a vegetable with that. Voc comea um vegetal com isso. DIABETES: What do you have? DIABETES: O que voc tem? GUARD: Let's see, today . GUARDA: Vamos ver, hoje em dia. . . . . carrots or baked potato. cenoura ou batata cozida. DIABETES: I'll have the baked potato. DIABETES: Eu vou ter a batata cozida. GUARD: Coffee? GUARDA: Caf? DIABETES: Please. DIABETES: Por favor. And a toasted bow tie - if you have one - and the king. E uma torrada lao - Se voc tem um - e ao rei.

GUARD: Right. (As he exits) Let me have an RB to go with a regular coffee. GUARDA:. Direita (como ele sai) Deixe-me ter uma RB para ir com um caf regular. (The FATES cross taking pictures) (O FATES cruz tirando fotos) BOB: How do you like the palace? BOB: O que voc acha do palcio? DIABETES: I love it. DIABETES: Eu amo isso. BOB (Handing his wife the camera) : Take one of us together. BOB (Entregar sua mulher a cmera): Pegue um de ns juntos. (As she does) (Como ela faz) DIABETES: I thought you two were going back to New York. DIABETES: Eu pensei que vocs dois estavam indo de volta a Nova York. WENDY: You know how fate is. Wendy: Voc sabe como o destino. BOB: Unreliable. BOB: Inseguro. Take it easy. Take it easy. DIABETES (Leans in to smell the flower in BOB's lapel) : That's a pretty flower. DIABETES (inclina-se para sentir o cheiro da flor de lapela em BOB): uma flor bonita. (Gets an eyeful of water as FATES laugh) (Obtm um eyeful da gua como rir FATES) BOB: I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. BOB: Eu sinto muito, eu no pude resistir. (Offers his hand. DIABETES shakes it. Gets a shock from a joy buzzer) (Oferece a mo. DIABETES sacode. Obtm um choque de uma campainha alegria) DIABETES: Ahhhh! DIABETES: Ahhhh! (FATES exit laughing) (FATES sair rindo) WENDY: He loves to play tricks on people. Wendy: Ele gosta de pregar peas nas pessoas. DIABETES (To CHORUS) : You knew he was out to get me. DIABETES (Para Refro): Voc sabia que ele estava l para me pegar. CHORUS: He's a scream. REFRO: Ele um grito. DIABETES: Why didn't you warn me? DIABETES: Por que voc no me avisou?

CHORUS: We don't like to get involved. REFRO: No gosto de me envolver. DIABETES: You don't like to get involved? DIABETES: Voc no gosta de se envolver? You know, a woman was stabbed to death on the BMT while sixteen people looked on and didn't help. Voc sabe, uma mulher foi esfaqueada at a morte na TMO, enquanto dezesseis pessoas olhavam e no ajuda. CHORUS: We read it in the Daily News , and it was the IRT. REFRO: Ns lemos no jornal Daily News, e foi o IRT. DIABETES: If one person had ho guts to help her, maybe she'd be here today. DIABETES: Se uma pessoa teve coragem ho para ajud-la, talvez ela estaria aqui hoje. WOMAN (Enters with knife in her chest) : I am here. MULHER (Entra com a faca no peito): eu estou aqui. DIABETES: I had to open my mouth. DIABETES: Eu tive que abrir minha boca. WOMAN: A woman works her whole life on DeKalb Ave. MULHER: A mulher trabalha toda a sua vida em DeKalb Ave. I'm reading the Post, six hooligans - dope addicts - grab me and throw me down. Estou lendo o Post, seis hooligans - viciados em drogas - me pegar e me jogar para baixo. CHORUS: There weren't six, there were three. REFRO: No havia seis anos, havia trs. WOMAN: Three, six - they had a knife, they wanted my money. MULHER: trs, seis - que tinha uma faca, eles queriam o meu dinheiro. DIABETES: You should have given it to them. DIABETES: Voc deve ter dado a eles. WOMAN: I did. MULHER: Eu fiz. They still stabbed me. Eles ainda me apunhalou. CHORUS: That's New York. REFRO: Isso Nova York. You give 'em the money and they still stab you. Voc d-lhes o dinheiro e eles ainda te esfaquear. DIABETES: New York? DIABETES: Nova Iorque? It's everywhere. Est em toda parte. I was walking with Socrates in downtown Athens, and two youths from Sparta jump out from behind the Acropolis and want all our money. Eu estava andando com Scrates em Atenas, no centro, e dois jovens de Esparta pular de trs da Acrpole e querem todo o nosso dinheiro.

WOMAN: What happened? MULHER: O que aconteceu? DIABETES: Socrates proved to them using simple logic that evil was merely ignorance of the truth. DIABETES: Scrates mostrou-las usando lgica simples de que o mal era meramente a ignorncia da verdade. WOMAN: And? MULHER: E? DIABETES: And they broke his nose. DIABETES: E eles quebraram seu nariz. WOMAN: I just hope your message for the king is good news. MULHER: Eu s espero que a sua mensagem para o rei uma boa notcia. DIABETES: I hope so, for his sake. DIABETES: Espero que sim, por causa dele. WOMAN: For your sake. MULHER: Por amor de ti. DIABETES: Right and - what do you mean, for his sake? DIABETES: Direito e - o que quer dizer, por causa dele? CHORUS (Derisively) : Ha, ha, ha! REFRO (ironicamente): Ha ha, ha! (The light becomes more ominous) (A luz se torna mais sinistro) DIABETES: The light is changing . DIABETES: A luz est mudando. . . . . What is that? O que isso? What happens if it's bad news? O que acontece se ele uma m notcia? WOMAN: In ancient times, when a messenger brought a message to the king, if the news was good, the messenger received a reward. MULHER: Nos tempos antigos, quando um mensageiro trouxe uma mensagem ao rei, se a notcia era boa, o mensageiro recebeu uma recompensa. CHORUS: Free passes to the Loew's Eighty-sixth Street. REFRO: Livre passa a sexta-Street Loew's Oitenta o. WOMAN: But if the news was bad . MULHER: Mas se a notcia era ruim. . . . . DIABETES: Don't tell me. DIABETES: No me diga. WOMAN: The king would have the messenger put to death. MULHER: O rei teria o mensageiro condenado morte. DIABETES: A

Das könnte Ihnen auch gefallen