Why Am I Afraid-Chapter Twop1 Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?

Chapter Two: Growing As A Person Growing As A Person Each person will grow into his/her own person and as a result it is impossible to say exactly what any grown person will be like. No one is to become like anyone else. We each have been uniquely created and this is our personal gift of self. So what does it mean to be a full human being, an authentic self? Over the years psychologists have approached this question from different perspectives. Two very prominent psychologists saw in somewhat similar fashion: Carl Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, referred to a fully human person as the fully functioning person. Abraham Maslow, another humanistic psychologist, saw the full human being as the selfactualizing person.

The Balancing of Interiority and Exteriority The first condition of growth is to have a balance between ones interior and exterior. The extreme introvert is so preoccupied with his/her self, that there is no real ability to interact with the world outside of oneself. The extreme extrovert, on the other hand, is so fleeting and distracted by all that is outside of him/herself, that he/she is out of touch with what is happing within the self. They epitomize the dictum of Socrates, The unexamined life is not worth living. Understanding Interiority: Interiority implies exploration and experience of self. This person will have a sense of exploration and experience of self. They are open to both beauty and pain, and they turn away from neither. By one allowing the self to explore and experience all that enters into ones life, this person experiences the whole gamut of human emotions, from grief and sorrow, to joy and exhilaration. They turn away from nothing, but remain open to all that comes into their lives. Interiority implies self-acceptance. After one explores and experiences, one must be able to accept whom one finds oneself to be. This person will not run away from what one knows oneself to be, or from what may be ahead to be experienced. This person is not afraid of the fact that one really does not know what one will become by the end of ones life, but rather than fear this, one sees it as an invitation to live fully. The ultimate destiny of one with such self-acceptance is delightfully unknown. This type of person knows her strengths, and is also aware of her limitations. As a result she will not live in some fantasy about who she wants to be, nor will she live her life in counterproductive dreams trying to convince herself of something about herself that is not real or true. She loves who she actually is, right now and in this place.

Why Am I Afraid-Chapter Twop2 She will trust her own resources and abilities, confident that she has what she needs to adapt and cope with the various challenges of life. As a result she is empowered to live fully and confidently with all that goes on inside of her. She is afraid of nothing that is, or could be a part of her self. Understanding Exteriority: Exteriority implies an openness not only to the self within, but also to the environment from without. The fully human person is also very concerned with the voices and information that are outside of his/her own self. His/her individual experiences are multiplied many times over because of a willingness to listen and be open to the wisdom and stories of others. By being open to the input, lives, stories and experiences of others, this person is deeply enriched and broadened in his/her attitude and opinion of life and self. He/she realizes they cannot experience all of life without the wisdom of others. Unlike the defensive person, this person draws the circle of life (those who she allows to touch and influence her life) very large. The defensive individual person has a world no bigger than herself, with a tightly closed horizon! Exteriority reaches its peak in the ability to give love freely. Karl Stern, a psychologist, sees the growth from immaturity to maturity as a movement from the absolute need to be loved, toward a full readiness to give love freely to others. In our childhood, and especially infancy, we had no sense of borders and everything was an extension of us! With time we realized, however, that the world was bigger than us, and if we were to grow into any maturity we must go outside of our self. We must be self-less. Paramount to the full human being is that he/she is free! The individual reaches outside of self to others and even to God, not out of an obsessive-compulsive neurosis, nor any other reason, e.g., guilt, parental demands, etc., but freely and actively. They act because in their freedom they choose to act. The significant balance that is needed: a balanced contentment with what is, but an equally balanced desire to go forth and be more. If one is solely content to be as one is, or one is on the other hand always rushing to some new distraction to fill up the void of an empty self, the end result will always be self-estrangement!!! If one is balanced one will always be grateful for what is, but will also be striving for what is to come. Dag Hammerskjold, a former Secretary General of the United Nations put it well in one of his prayers: For all that has been thanks, for all that will be, yes. Balanced interiority and exteriority is what is meant by integration of personality. Carl Rogers believes that humans are basically reasonable. It is because of this that humans work to have a balance of interiority and exteriority. We must be careful not to exaggerate either of the two, e.g., turning so inward that we are prisoners of our own intellect and world within, or getting so involved in that which is pleasurable that we abandon all effort to reflect and live out of the peace of our inner soul.

Why Am I Afraid-Chapter Twop3 The one who acts freely, and uses all of ones human powers, is the one who can be trusted. Basically, what you witness is someone who you respect and someone you feel has it all together! Even if they do not, they know they dont and are not frustrated by such a limitation. This individual will have a genuine openness, and he/she will be on the path to full human growth! This is our goal, i.e., growth, not perfection! Acting Vs Reacting A fully human person is an actor, not a reactor! (Story of Sydney Harris, columnist, and the cantankerous newspaperman.) Because I dont want him to decide how Im going to act! When one is a fully human person, then one is ones own person. Remember, when you are a reactor you are at the mercy of others, e.g., He made me so mad, or This weather really depresses me. One must remember, the stimulus is neutral, it is each of us who give it meaning and power over us, or taking power over it! The fully human person takes responsibility for ones own life and does not look for excuses or ways to blame situations or others for ones actions. This does not suggest that you deaden yourself to your emotions, or repress them, rather you work to balance and integrate emotions and life experiences into your own life. If one simply surrenders to difficult or uncomfortable emotions, one simply abdicates ones intellect and freedom, that is, the qualities that make one distinctly human and not just an animal.