Chapter 6th.

Love is important because it improves self-steam, and human get a lot of support as emotional and behavior through love. Loving someone is more emotional than liking someone which is not emotional. loving someone without liking is not possible or in another word loving some one is the most advance stage which ties with emotion unlike liking. Love I s an elusive concept which varies in its meaning for each individual and lust is ties more with physiology basis rather in emotional, caring, intimacy and commitment. Self- love has described by social scientist as self-steam.

According to Keith Davis research, Eight of the important qualities of friendship which includes: 1. Enjoyment (friends enjoy and ease on each other despite of the disagreement). 2. Trust: friends lean on each other during hard time, trust and lookout for each other. 3. Acceptance; instead on efforts on changing each other, they tolerance the faults and shortcomings of each other. 4. Respect: friends respect each other judgment and honor it even not agree with it. 5. Mutual support: without expectation in return, they help and support each other 6. CONFEDING: FRIENDS share experience and feelings, and not gossip or backstab about each other. 7. Understanding: friends have sympathies to each other, and can understand or read each other without much talk. 8. Honesty: friends are honest and not hesitate to not say what they think because they feel free to themselves. Addition to above eight qualities, there are: sexual desire, priority over other relationships, and caring for the point of great self-sacrifice. Love is multifaceted because it meant different to people. So it has many definitions as

romantic, exciting, obsessive, irrational and platonic, calming, altruistic and sensible. In addition it challenges single definition. Lust: lust may or may not lead to romantic love. One reason is that once desire evaporate (get less), then the disillusion and disappointment would be created. Three component of the Love: people fall in love for some of the reasons it could be physically attraction to each other, shared common feelings or interests or seek companionship and fun, however there some component that are essential. 1. Caring: love provide different supports and aid, so caring is the response while a partner receives in difficult time. 2. Intimacy: intimacy might have different difination to every one however in general it means feeling of closeness. 3. Commitment: it is a person intention to remain in a relationship.

There are different perspective about love and loving: 1. Bio _ chemistry of love: studying und biological perspective, Love has straight relationship with the chemical that is produced in our blood stream. These are the responses through the sense. 2. Sociological perspective of the love: unlike biological perspective, sociologists claim the cultur is the main player for love which includes the attachment theory, Reissa wheel theory, Tervbergs triangular theory , Lees research on styles of loving and exchange theories. 1) . ATTACHMENT Thoery: this theory propose that our initial motivation in lifeis connected with other because of the security. This is the results of the Brithish psychiatrist John Bowlby who considered Attachment as in integral part of humans behavior from cradle to the grave. So human through during their different age level benefit from having some one to look out for them( care for their basic and physical needs and helpful when they need them). and the results of many studies suggest that attachment style would change to its different measures adults based up the situation they face with. Among the study and research of the Attachment theory, there is infant mother attachment which were indentified by American psychiatrist Mary Ainsworth: I. Secure Style: It presents the study of the infants as secure after being reunion with their sensitive and responsible mother (60 % of

the infants). II. Anxious/ambivalent style: in this style it studies the reaction of the infants while their mothers were inconsistent (affective and aloof). In this attachment the infant showed reaction as anxious/ ambivalent while they were separated from their mother, but rejected their mother in reunion. III. In Avoidant attachment Style: the infants showed avoidant behavior in reunion with their mothers (care giver who ignored the physical and emotional needs). PERSONALLY IAM IDENTIFIED WITH SECURE STYLE. Among the study and research of the Attachment theory there are three attachments style theory for adults: I. Secure adult: the adult whose parents were warm and supportive, describe themselves as more trusting the romantic partner and establishing happy relationship. II. Anxiouse/ambivalent adults: they tend to fall in love easily and want commitment immediately. III. Avoidant : they are the adult those who have little trust on others. o In SUME: Attachment style would change over the time based on the change in the peoples life. For instance the divorce, or break up the between family and partener would ship individual from secure to other forms of attachment theory. Reisss wheel Theory of love: Wheels theory of love structured as wheel shape and made of four Stages: I. Rapport: in this stage the partners establish relationship based on similar cultural background, religion, social class and education. II. Self-Revelation: in this stage the couple share and discasss hope, desire, feeling, ambitions and sexual activities. III. In third Stage the couple become more intimate( close) and mutual( joint) dependency increases. IV. In fourth stage, the couple focus on personality need fulfillment. The couple s make mutual dicision and support each others ambitions.

 Sternbergs Triangular theory of love:Robert Sternberg has suggested three component of the love: I. : Intimacey: feeling of closeness, connectedness and bonding. II. Passion : leads to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation. III. Decision/ commitment: prtners establish the love relationship which last longer.

Drawing the Traingl which compine whith above three components.

Lees six style of the love:

1. Eros: this word roots with love and beauty which characterize the physical attraction of the physical beauty. it emphasize on first sight which somehow described in romance novel. The partners tend to know more about each other I think mostly Indian and other asian country are following such style. 2. Mania: in this style related to jealousy, possssiveness, and intense dependency. Anxety, bad appetie, headache and other symthoms and even suicide are the characteristics of the Mania style. Also Mania links with low selfsteem and in breife the Mania style or group people are not attractive to the people who have higher self-steem. 3. Ludus. This stage can be describe as love for fun and game, the partener avoid dependencey of their lover, so at the same time the people can have many partners. And in breife they meaing of love is just having sex for fun and love can not be defined as emotioanal rapport. 4. Storge: it is slow burning peachful and effectionate love which are created naturally. This kind of the love link to the goal of marriage and effection develop over the year and partner strust each other and it last even after if they break up they would replace passion with spiritual respect.

5. Agapee: classical Christian ype of love. It is sacrificing love which point out to all houmankinds. This kind of the love describe the partener who sacrifice their life for each other and examples are : one partner would wait year to see his lover releasing from prison and till that time would not marry someone els 6. Prgma: It is the kind of the love which is rational and relates to compatibility. The partner and if there is problem between partners the prgma one would look for someone else. For example if the partners break the relationship, they would still stay together till the children get grown. Social Exchange Theory: Love is described as social exchange and social scientists describe it in the different stage of the life. 1. Love during the adolescence; this love is short term and the reason is that the young generation( adolescent have not found themselves) so the meaning of love change easily and quickly. 2. Love during the adulthood: the meaning of love in this stage of the age relates to the characteristic that an individual see in his partners. For instance seeing the partner as self-steam and more beneficial would keep establish the relationship. 3. Love during the later life: as the love weigh for cost and benefit, so the survey of the 1998 show that 90 % valued that partner base on romance with moral values of good humor, intelegece and good personality. Even though there is argument about the benefit and detriment of the love in our life. For instance person in love would be in the core of the healthy and well-funchioning relationships family. Love would encourage us in different ways: 1. Love ensures human survival. Love is nuisance which is imposed by the nature for the purpose of the offspring and survival of our species. 2. Love prolongs live: seing the children development, many researches have shown that the children who receive love, they achieved successfulness in their life. Their IQ show higher score in comparison and lacking of the love has created many problems which many are forced to commuted suicide. 3. Love nhances our physical health: unloving people might have weaken immune system, highblood pressure and so on.

4. Love improves the quality of our life: 5. Love is fun: Sorme barrier that man detract from a relationship: numbers of the barrier are there which relates to Macro Level and Micro -level. Some of these barrier are as bellow: 1. Mass society: the technology dehumanized the people who rarely interact face to face. Example : many people shope and communicate online and vial phone and fax. 2. Demoghrapic variables: age, income and jobs also effected the love experience. There are many factors, as income, culture, age which count as barrier of the love experience. 1. Double standard: as the discrimantion agains women was and even still is in practice. Women feel angry and see themselves in the position of struggling for the equality. 2. first me-individulalism. 3. Personality and family characteristics Narcissism: narcissism is the people who believe that they are superior. They always look for status and disregard the love of his partner. Jealousy: between partner it happen when one of them feel that his opponent try for lovers affection. Even it may happen when there is close relationship with family. Manipulation and control: Beside Jealousy, there is controlling behavior that makes the partner to withraw love or lives in emotional stress. For instance, it occurred that people use different strategies to manipulate and keep controlled person off balance. Unrequited Love: if there is difference in love between the partners. One would love, but the other would not love the same way. When one partner thinks that he/she is more gorgeous, then the love ends up as requited. Also when the love is established only by one partner and other just show rejection it ends up with unrequited. Love dynamic in long term love: the dynamics of the long term love is: patient, trust independence marriage which binds the couple together longer than romantic love. Long term love complicated,altruistic, long lasting, fast

growing, and companionate. 1. Companionate ( storgic) : long term love include the characteristics of companionate which focus on connectivity, supportive of each other. Global view: romantic love and arranged love: 1) In romantic love the boy/ girls choose their own partner of life 2) In arrange love the boys/girls dont have the right, so their parents or relative choose their partners.

Chapter 7th
Physical contact may be a universal view point of sexually, however cultures can play important role in shaping our sexual development, attitudes and actions. Sexual identity is the awareness of our selves as male or female and the way we describe our self sexual values, attitudes, feelings and beliefs. Sexuality is multidemtion topic which include psychological, biologica, and socialoglcal components such as sexual desire, sexual response and gender role.

Sexual response: it carries the biological aspect of the sexuality.

Gender role: gender role reflect the behavior of the male or female that society require. Sexual onrientation: 1) Homosexual: gay, lesbians 2) Heterosexuals: or straight like partner of opposite sex. 3) Bisexuals: May called Bis would have sexual relationship with both sex. 4) Transsexuals: under biological perspective, they born with one sex, but later they want to live whole life as opposite sex. 5) Intersexual: people with unknown medical diagnosis as male or

female. 6) Transvestites: it applies to the people who cross- dress sometimes but not consider themselves as member of the opposite sex. 7) Asexual: applies to the people who do not have any desire to sex. ( either) __________________________________________________ all refrence from the book of American marriage.