Beautiful Women, Many Single. Why, Montreal?

The Male Perspective

ERASURE POEM FROM

http://notable.ca/nationwide/yp-life/Beautiful-Women-Many-Single-Why-Montreal-The-MalePerspective/

Hello, dear YP. I am back indeed with the same topic, but this time around with an additional part 2 the male perspective. I was pleasantly bombarded with various opinions, many agreeing with my fluffy views while many others (mainly men) expressing a dissimilar sentiment. This left me curious and intrigued with the Montreal male perspective. And so I rounded up my male homies and assaulted them with questions over the last couple of weeks with the intention of answering: Beautiful Women, Many Single. Why, Montreal Men? Before going ahead and spilling the beans, I would like to highlight that I would have probably needed a few years of research to really answer this question. Since I have a full-time job and a deadline for today, I figured I could begin by sharing my initial findings that I have categorized in three stages. The first stage is Courting, better defined as the challenge to find a date. The second stage is Dating, the period before a relationship, and the final one is In a Relationship. I can begin by confidently stating that all stages have only reaffirmed the complex and intricate nature of the Montreal dating scene. Lets begin! Stage 1: Grim Courting High Standards The astronomical standards set by women, both physically and professionally, have reached sky-high limits. Blame it on the perfect man picture propagated by magazines, movies, music videos and what not, but according to Montreal men, women are setting unreachable expectations for their potential significant others and consequently paving a path to singlehood. As is, women seek perfection and instantly filter out any guy that does not meet all six pages of their criteria.

Men, humble as they claim, admit that they practice the same filtering process, especially because of the generous amount of beautiful ladies in Montreal. The ladies in Montreal are hooooot! I date one hot girl and I see six equally hot ones sizzling my way. Its hard. Yes, its very hard. (Note: sarcasm filled comment). Hard Approach Accordingly, many women in Montreal dont give a guy a fraction of a second of their time. Worst of all, according to men, women dont reject them kindly, but rather antagonistically. Not only does this make men slightly angry, but actually, as a male friend expressed, It scares usfurther discouraging them in approaching women. As a male colleague explains: Women in public places have become really hard to approach or ask out. Really, you cant say you know someone before spending at least a few hours alone talking with him, so give a brother a chance. And if its not the right guy for you, then its ok, just tell him and move on to the next one (and that should equally apply to guys). Plenty of Dating Options Alternatively, the rejected men have found plenty of other means to approach a woman. Many claim finding a girl to be with (interpret it as you wish) has actually become rather easy nowadays. Many tools, including online dating, Facebook, and even LinkedIn (strange, I agree) have opened a wide door to quick and fast interactions. An ancient void in peoples lives has now been replaced with an overflowing amount of meeting and dating transactions, delaying any potential need to commit to a person. Stage 2: Frivolous Dating Let me start by 1, better defined as finding a girl to date, is much emphasizing that, according to many male subjects in my focus groups, stage more challenging than stage 2, dating. Allow me to explain. Easy Come. Easy Go. Many Montreal women are too easy and wonder why no guy wants to really date them. Truth is, if you like a guy, then wait before giving it up. It seems Montreal women hit

a home run way too hastily. Many men, but not all (nationality was a real differentiating factor), stressed that if a women really likes a guy, she should waitnot days, not weeks, but months! There is no more challenge, it has become easy come, easy go. The Rule of Thumb On the other side of the pendulum, some men have formulated a Home Run guideline. Three Date Rule If men havent reached a base after three dates, the lady will be dropped. Frankly, this really surprised me and pushed me to dig deeper. Mens answer to my inquisitive interrogation wasnt as obvious to them as they thought. After a while of contemplating, and searching deep within, they concluded that if a woman didnt give in after three dates, then she was probably misleading them, using them for free dinners or simply for companionship. One of my subjects expressed a worry that if after three dates things didnt progress, then the relationship would naturally evolve to the Friend Zone. No one likes the Friend Zone. Its purgatory hell! You are neither alive nor dead; you have been completely emasculated. No woman wants to be with a teddy bear.

Stage 3: From 'Its Complicated' Relationship' to 'Its Complicated' Rules of Engagement

to

'In

If ladies are looking to label their rapport with their significant other with an in a relationship status, then they need to follow a few unspoken rules that have been established by the opposite sex. Here are a few suggested ones:

Speak About Today:

As much as this sounds clich, many men freak out when women make bold statements about the future early on; I want to have four kids, which means I have to start soon. This disempowers the women right away. The male species

advises women to postpone discussing about commitment, marriage, or babies too early on in a relationship. Instead, let the relationship grow organically and progress naturally. Unfortunately, as ladies accumulate birthday candles, a little something called the biological clock starts ticking annoyingly, breaking the organic flow of a relationship and sometimes the relationship altogether. Women need to simply (replace simply with its antonym) find that fine balance, and follow their hearts instead of societal and biological pressures.

Make the Leap to the Next Step

On the other hand, many men explained they didnt feel the need to label a relationship and most would simply not make the effort to do so. Sometimes you (women) literally need to say stuff like, If by that date we havent moved to the next step of our relationship, I am gone. Guys cant read your minds and we dont have the same needs or the same expectations, period. Once again, ladies, the timing of this question seems to be as critical as the question itself.

Give Him Space

Some of my male subjects articulated that in the beginning of a relationship, women preferred to spend more time with their significant other, while men contrastingly required more space. Once again, women need to master that fine unspoken balance. Ideally, a lady needs to continue to live her life, while not reprioritizing and centering her existence around her boyfriend, because, hmmm, he might just dump her. 30s is the new 20s We hear this every day: 30s are the new 20s! And lets face it, its kind of true. We, men and women alike, still have the same stamina we did when we were in our 20s. We are still discovering ourselves, exploring our interests in life and in relationships, and the thought of commitment becomes a rather distant consideration. The issue, however, lies back in that villainous biological clock; men dont have it, women do! This forms a friction

between both sexes and results in a pool of biologically ticking single women. Different Prime Times Additionally, a womans prime to attract men starts at a young age, lets say 16 until early 30s. Men, on the other hand, begin their real prime in their 30s, when they are well established financially and in their careers. These conflicting prime periods only deepen the tensions, create incompatibilities and add confusion to our already convoluted dating scene.

Stage 0: What Do Women Really Want? One statement that kept on being repeated through my study was What Do Women Really Want? Many guys suppose that women dont really know what it is they are looking for, while many women continue to seek for that explosive oomph that fails to unravel. Why is that so? The Notebook is a Movie According to myriad men, numerous women seem to be looking for that awe-struck sudden infatuation. We have been made to believe that it exists, which maybe it does, but certainly not as much as romantic movies would suggest. Consequently, women keep waiting for something that seldom happens and continue to pave a road to singlehood. High standards. No Compromise. As I mentioned in my last article, women have become quite fulfilled with their lives. They have good careers, endless social activities, and the list could go on, leaving little time for a boyfriend. Many men have pointed this to be an issue and genuinely believe that women are not willing to compromise their lifestyle until a guy meets their six-page criteria and provides them with an unrealistic Notebook type of passion. Settling Conflictingly, when the biological clock starts ticking, many of the male species affirm that ladies standards of dating drop excessively, leading to settling, unhappy marriages, divorce, and back to the road to singlehood.

Conclusion Sigh, this study has become personally disheartening. The quantity of double standards on both female and male sides has become intolerably confusing and so, to conclude, I would like to wish you all good luck. But since I should end this on a positive note, I would like to share with you a theory that has been proposed to me, and that may temporarily patch up that deep and tragic insecurity that I may have inflected on you (sorry). On my side I always hear about good dudes that are looking for good girls and good girls that are looking for good dudes. In finance, that would be called frictional unemployment, where good employers and employees are around, both looking, but haven't yet found each other. Is Montreal a hub for frictional dating? Maybe, just maybe, an array of compatible single men and women do exist, but have simply not found each other. On that note, I wish you all good luck.

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, MANY SINGLE. WHY,MONTREAL? THE MALE PERSPECTIVE is the third erasure poem determined by a set of parameters, which are as follows.

Requirements: 1. Poem is composed from an online article shared by a Facebook friend. Found the link while looking up the authors first BWMSWM? article, and could not resist. 2. The article should evoke critical thought and response. 3. The order of the words and capitalization must remain true to the original text. 4. No text or punctuation may be added. 5. Subvert and manipulate the original authors intended use of language. 6. Include the web address of original text. 7. Title the poem using the original title. 8. If available, include an edited image from the original article.

Please feel free to use these parameters to create your own erasure poems.

Ella Collier. 2013.