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Bob Dylan Jokes (Expecting Rain Website) The freshest ones are around the bottom (of the

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From: Jeremy Heist JHeistUpCa aol.com I've always rememebered and quoted this line from a Dylan concert a long time ago--it was in Tucson, & might have been Rolling Thunder. He introduced the back-up singers as "My ex-wife, my next wife, my girlfriend, and my fiancee." I'm trying to remember if there were even four different women, or just three.

Somewhere in 1997: From: Tom Burstein tburstein email.msn.com I saw Dylan at Western Connecticut State University in 1997, I believe. When he introduced Bucky Baxter he said, "When I first met Bucky, he didn't have a penny to his name. I told him to get another name."

Date: Tue, 11 Apr 2000 15:35:56 -0700 From: Brian b8kdnapi pacbell.net Subject: bob funny I don't know if you have heard this funny thing bob said or not but when I saw bob, I think was in was 95 in san diego, he introduced the drummer with a big afro and said something like, "Some people say he looks like Ice T", then after a pause he said, "I don't"

February 13, 1999, in Normal, Illinois (Illinois State University campus), From dono919: "They said I'd never make it to Normal. (PAUSE) They were wrong."

December 8 1997, Irving Plaza From HALBERT fordham.edu: the best joke i have heard dylan mumble at a concert was in new york city at irvingplaza december 8th 1997, where the opening act was joan osborne who

sang the man in the long black coat, after singing her set she was at the bar drinking, and it is a small place...maybe two thousand...dylan had just finished his first seven, eight, songs and was introducing the band and thanking the opening act...all of a sudden he says: "and i'd also like to thank joan osborne; joan and i is gonna sing a song..." and joan in the back stands up to come to the stage, when dylan says: "but not tonight."

Richard Shaffer posted the first collection on July 9, 1999.

June 19, 1999, Mountain View, CA Marc Blaker reported: At Shoreline after the best Lovesick I've heard Bob says, "(sarcascm dripping) that was a LOVE song. They're all love songs. The band loves to play them."

June 22, 1999, Hollywood, CA CovWoman61 wrote: He apologized, saying that "I almost didn't make it tonight. ........ had a flat tire. ........................................... there was a fork in the road......."

June 25, 1999, Chula Vista, CA Brian posted: He made reference to how tired he and his band were "We slept in a trailer park and didn't want to wake the sleeping bags"

Jun 18, 1999, Concord, CA From: Linda Povey After playing "Lay Lady Lay," Bob said, "I don't have that brass bed anymore....I never did have one."

June 26, 1999, Las Vegas, NV Spflpete wrote: Last Sat. we saw his show in Vegas and he seems very friendly. He was laughing a lot and even told a little joke. BobLinks wrote: "This is a song I wrote for my ex-wife. She was so conceited I used to call her Mimi"

June 27, 1999, Phoenix, AZ Jordan wrote: "Thanks everybody, you're too kind... You know, I was talking to Neil Young yesterday (audience cheers at the mention of Young) and he said to me, he said 'Bob, you just can't hear cool music on the radio anymore...' and I says to Neil, I says 'sure you just... (a decent pause) you just need to stick your radio in the refrigerator."

July 2, 1999, Skakopee, MN kara50 MY-DEJA.COM wrote: he said he had to 'get a hammer and hit the sack'.

July 3, 1999, Duluth, MN kara50 MY-DEJA.COM wrote: "I was born on the hill over there. My first girlfriend came from here. her Mimi." Glad to see it's still there. She was so conceited I used to call

July 4, 1999, Milwaukee, WI stuart levitan wrote: "Nice to be here. One of my early girlfriends was from Milwaukee. She was an artist. She gave me the brush-off."

July 6, 1999, Detroit, MI MSGLBJ wrote: Here he paused and caught his breath, then stepped to the mic and said "Thank you very much Ladies and Gentlemen."

He paused and then leaned back in. "I went to the Motown museum today." (Cheers) "I was looking for the Smokey Robinson stuff.... I couldn't find it. This guy came up to me though and he said What did Clark Kent turn into when he got hungry?' I said What?' He said Supperman'. I never did find the Smokey Robinson stuff though.."

July 9, 1999, Tinley Park, IL BobLinks wrote: "David One of He had He was Kemper is playing on the drums. David's first jobs was here in Chicago. a job as a waiter but he never took any tips. a dumb waiter."

July 10, 1999, Maryland Heights, Missouri Joy wrote: "Larry almost wrote a song today. hasn't been made up yet." He wrote a song about his bed, but it

July 11, 1999, Cincinnati Joe Cox wrote: "Charlie went to see his cousin today at the Hamilton County Jail. He brought him a cell phone... He almost made it to the show."

July 13, 1999, Va Beach Joy wrote: "We were all woken up very early this morning here at the hotel. They had a robbery there - yeah - we were woken up by the burglar alarm."

July 14, 1999, Raleigh BBowser868 wrote: "Larry was talkin' to Neil Young, and he asked him how can you listen to rock and roll - Neil told him "You put a stone up to one ear and a hamburger bun to the other" (rimshot).

Then a few moments later he stops before introducing Charlie and says "No, it wasn't Neil Young, it was Elvis Costello".

July 16, 1999, Bristow Joy wrote: "My ex-wife left me again. She's a tennis player. Love means nothing to her."

July 17, 1999, Camden BobLinks wrote: "This is a love song. We love to play it." "My ex-wife left me again tonight.She's a tennis player. Love means nothing to her."

July 20, 1999, Albany Brian Perry wrote: "Larry almost wrote a song today. hasn't been made up yet." He wrote a song about his bed, but it

July 25, 1999, Hartford BobLinks wrote: When introducing the drummer, David Kemper, Dylan said: "David and I drove here tonight in a car singing songs on the way. We were singing cartoons."

November 13, 1999, E. Rutherford, New Jersey J. Robert Fisher sent in this one, adjusted by Johanna McCarthy: When introducing his band: "David Kemper on the drums. David's turning 21 tonight. David never lies unless he's in bed."

Late show, Park West last fall Brooks sent this:

Bob introduced Kemper by saying: "David Kemper on drums. David grew up on a farm and on Saturday nights he used to take the cows to the moooooovies."

Subject: Anaheim Late Show Joke... From: LoveMinusZero Date: Sun, 12 Mar 2000 01:54:28 GMT Anyone catch the first half of Dylan's joke last night? Told it as he was introducing Kemper. Something about a roll of film (I think) & "seeing what develops"?

Subject: Re: Chicago joke From: JMof523817 jmof523817 aol.com Date: 24 Mar 2000 18:42:04 GMT Bob said "Dave is the only drummer that tried to make a slow horse fast, but he stopped feeding him." (at the Park west late show 10-26-1999 Chicago IL)

Fargo March 30, 2000, From Jennifer Schneider schn0257 tc.umn.edu Bob made the following joke while introducing the band: "Tony was here once before. He got a bicycle for his wife. Tony said it was a pretty good trade. Didn't you, Tony?" (or something like that) This really cracked him up. He and Tony couldn't stop laughing.

Rochester, MN. (March31, 2000) From: Joey Morris Grand Rapids, Mich.

huttojb216 netscape.net

Last night in Bob was in a great mood. He introduced Larry and said "He hurt his foot today, we had to call a toe truck!" He couldn't stop laughing while introducing the rest of the band.

Irvine, CA June 29, 2000 He told a joke last night at Irvine. when he intro'ed the band he intro'ed David as a someone who "was going to be a doctor but he didn't have any patients."

peace and love, erik

Del Mar, 7/1/00 From: JHeistUpCa aol.com Introducing the drummer at Del Mar, Bob said, "We went out for some seafood, and he asked them 'Do you serve crabs?' 'Sure do, sit right down,' they told him."

Albuquerque, New Mexico, July 3, 2000 From: blindjoedeath I'd like regional ago, but I'd like to say hello to Miss Linda Lu - president of our fan club down here. She was down here just a minute they hustled her outta here -- I wish she'd come back -to see her.

Oklahoma City, July 6, 2000 From: "Mark A. Fergeson" Last night in Oklahoma City, while introducing the drummer..... "He must have thought he was playing golf today because he wore two shirts, in case he gets a hole in one."

From: tim romantim mr.net Minneapolis , July 14, 2000 David Kemper on drums, ladies and gentlemen......David and I were in the Pickled Parrot* this afternoon and David asked the waitress if they served crabs.....She said "Buddy, we'll serve just about anybody...." *the pickled parrot is a popular restaurant/bar in downtown Minneapolis, about a 1/4 mile from the Target Center.

Camden, July 28, 2000 From: Brian J. Chase thechases worldnet.att.net Also loved Bob's joke of the night: "David got a hammer last night and hit the sack" and then later about Tony: "He hit the sack too, and he wasn't even going to bed". No one seemed to notice this second one, but I simply couldn't stop laughing.

From: J R Beresford-Howe jrbh pacbell.net The funniest thing I ever saw Dylan do on stage was in San Diego, at

Golden Hall during his first mixed born again/secular tour.... he told a story about a honeymooning couple next door to him at the hotel, and announced that he wanted to dedicate the next song to them. Then he played "Ain't Gonna Go to Hell for Nobody."

Belo Horizonte, Brazil show, August 19, 1991 The Telegraph, Winter 1991, Issue #41 Michele Simpson sent it to me Jan 15, 2001 "Does Harry Belafonte come from around here?" Bob asked. "He ought to, it rhymes with Belo Horizonte".

From Matt Wilson mwilson citizensconferencing.com When Bob shared the bill with Joni Mitchell in Chicago, 1999, he introduced "Make You Feel My Love" by saying, "This is a song I wrote for Garth Brooks. Regrets, I've had a few... but then again, too few too mention."

From John Domini jdomini northwestern.edu Bob D played a club show at Park West in Chicago, late '99, & among the standees along the stage was someone madly scribbling notes of some kind. Dylan, in great spirits all night, finally grinned down at the fan & asked: "You writing a check for me?"

From Bo: Brescia, Italy, Piazza Duomo, July 10, 2001 show During Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again Bob introduced the band: He said something like that: "I would like to introduce the band: On the guitar - Larry Cambell, On the other guitar - Charlie Sexton, David Kemper on the drums, and on the bass - I'm not going to tell you !!! "

From: "Donald Winters"

winte030 qwest.net

When I saw Dylan perform at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium in the early sixties, he responded to a heckler in the audience with: "Hey man, I think there's a phone call for you."

From: "Bill McGirr" billmcgirr hotmail.com Saturday night in San Francisco (Oct. 13, 2001) During the band intros Bob introduced David Kemper as "one of the few drummers around better than no drummer at all"

Syracuse, NY Tuesday Nov 13, 2001: "I want to introduce my band. The best band in the land," Dylan said. Veteran guitarist Sexton, he proclaimed, is "the meanest man in the band. When we played the Middle East, Charlie killed the Dead Sea," Dylan said. All this historic music and a joke from the deadpan man, too!

From wvjon charter.net Morgantown Nov 15, 2001: "On the drums, the meanest drummer in the world. When we played in the Middle East, he killed the Dead Sea. David Kemper!"

From Leah Warshah Detroit: "You might be wondering what's written on his shoes; those are foot notes! David Kemper!"

From Kevin Thomson Kevtf1 btinternet.com A 2000 show: "On drums, David Kemper, he once swallowed a roll of film, we'll see what develops."

From Pamela Zilavy During the band introductions at the Greek in Berkeley in October ('02), Tony stepped up to Bob and said something or other. Then Bob turns and tells us that "Tony says he actually went school here at UC Berkeley." Then, after that Bob grins and says, Well, he must be in graduate school now."

... From timebandit15 hotmail.com after that he said, "I don't know what he majored in though... maybe gourmet cooking..."

From Tim Tankard, Kansas City When Dylan played in Kansas City at the Sandstone Amphitheatre in the summer of 2001, he said this joke about his drummer: "We went golfing this afternoon, and he wore two shirts. In case he got a hole in one."

Posted to rec.music.dylan by Debra Lind At Jackson (July 15, 2003 and at Costa Mesa July 27) he told this joke on Larry: Larry bought a pig the other day. I asked Larry where he was gonna keep his pig, he said, under his bed. I said, what about the smell? Larry said, He'll just have to get used to it. And about George: George is the... probably the best drummer...on the stage..

From: Matt Wilson, Nov 13 2003 In Wallingford, CT Bob introduced his drummer as "George Recile from Hartford, CT." When no one in the audience seemed to care that his drummer was from Hartford Bob pointed at George and repeated "George Recile from Hartford, CT." When no one still seemed to care Bob looked at George with a big grin on his face and said "You're from Hartford, right?"

From Chester A. Smith III, Dec 5 2003 Bob in Athens Georgia, University of Georgia, Early 90's, says..."Hey it's nice to play for a college crowd.....did you know that Billy Joel never graduated high school....(laughing with the band, maybe a little drunk?...) I swear it's true!"

From Hamp Nettles, April 11, 2004 In Columbia: On the guitar, a man that comes froma broken home. His kids break everything in the house. Fuzzy Kozzela (thats how he says the name).

From Deborah Woods June 4 , 2004 In Portland, Maine 11/23/2001 Bob finished a song and said "I forgot the words there for a minute........I think I hypnotized myself."

From Juergen Beselt: The Bonn (Germany) show, June 29, 2004: Introducing the band: "On drums, George Recile. He's the best drummer - on stage."

From Cori Jones: In Jackson TN on August 20 2004: Bob Dylan introduced his drummer as a guy who there wasn't nothing he wouldn't do for me and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him, and we've been going through our whole life doing nothing for each other.

From Dave: October 31, 2004 - De Kalb, Illinois: We got a Halloween joke during the intros. The joke went something like this: "Larry was a skeleton for Halloween, but he didn't go trick-or-treating. No body would go with him.

From Geoff Stacks: November 3, 2004 - West Lafayette, Indiana: He's from Louisiana. They got a lot of snakes down there. When it rains, he puts them on his windshield and calls them 'windshield vipers'.

Kingston, Nov 17, 2004: 'On guitar: Stu Kimball. Stu's from around here. He runs a farm just outside town. Got cows there. He put one on a scale because he wanted to see how much milky way....'

From Kailin Clarke: Atlanta (April 12, 13, or 14th 2004, I don't know which): "Larry was writing to his girlfriend in the hotel the other night. I said, 'Larry, you can't write on an empty stomach, you gotta use paper!' "

From Leonard Varvaro (2009): I saw Bob in Omaha a few years ago. At one point he introduced his friend Doctor 'somebody or other' sitting in the audience. "Stand up and take a bow, doc" he said. "okay, maybe later" All of the audience was on its feet at the time.

From tonygps (2009): In Orlando one night Bob said, "I haven't made it to Disneyland yet. I don't know if I'll ever get there."

Mojo, April 26, 2009: ... even banter, as Dylan presented his band, including a Camden-centric introduction for pedal-steelie/violinist Donnie Herron: "They tried to make him go to rehab," nasalled Bob. "He said no, no, no."

From Matt Wilson: George got a baseball bat for his wife. It's the worst trade he's ever made.