10 Steps To Self Confidence

THE10ESSENTIALSTEPSTO SELF-CONFIDENCE
Dont complain about

what you dont have. Use what youve got; to do less than your best is a sin. Every single one of us has the power for greatness, because greatness is determined by service to yourself and to others.
Oprah Winfrey
winningpathwayscoaching.com
UNSHAKEABLE SELF-CONFIDENCE
The 10 Essential Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence

By Claudia Crawley
The world is full of opportunities. Success as you dene it can be yours if you have a clear vision of where you want to go and youve the condence to get you there. Nowadays many more women are breaking through the glass ceiling. However, despite their success, some women dont appreciate their personal power and achievements. This e-book is designed to help women identify the steps to develop unshakeable self-condence.
Claudia Crawley
With 25 years experience of tackling the barriers that prevent women and minority groups from achieving equality within organisations, Claudia set up her business Winning Pathways Coaching in April 2010. As a life coach, she aims to enable women to realise their potential, get to where they want to go and arrive there feeling condent and empowered. This is the signature she brings to her business and to this e-book.
I love seeing women going off into the sunset much more condent, feeling really empowered... Claudia Crawley
[1]
At Winning Pathways Coaching I can work with you to help you overcome those obstacles that prevent you having self confidence. Sign up now here for my Confidence Building Coaching Programme.
Introduction
Stop for one moment; consider the word Condence. What is it? Its not concrete, but we think we can tell when someone has it. We think that such a woman exudes charisma and poise, walking tall with her head held high, her voice loud and clear; she dresses with panache; she appears to ooze self-assurance. But we may be fooled. Peel away the layers and at the core you could nd a lack of condence in who she is or what she is capable of. She may have a secret belief of not being good enough; she often suffers with the Impostor Syndrome in other words despite evidence of success she feels a fraud.
I knew a director who despite her professional power felt hollow within. Why was this? She looked condent; she spoke with authority and women saw her as a role model. Yet in her own mind she believed that she wasnt good enough. Like many women achievers, she underestimated her abilities and attributed her success to luck and hard work. Were she a man, shed more than likely attribute her success to her natural talents and her skills. People often describe themselves as being condent. Dig a little and they describe themselves as a condent athlete, a condent speaker, a condent writer etc. This particular ability they possess is the thing that gives them condence. Whilst essential, condence alone in your professional or personal abilities is insufficient. To be truly self-condent you have to value, respect and believe in yourself. If Oprah Winfrey were merely a condent communicator, she wouldnt have had the courage to rise above the sexual abuse she suffered in her early years and create a new life for herself. The condence within her based on self-belief, self-worth and self-respect has enabled her to get through tough times and prove her talents as a great communicator and people person.
Helen Keller, was both deaf and blind, yet made it big in the world of poetry and served as an inspiration for many. In her own words,
Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. [ 2 ]
Dwelling on ones weaknesses indicates a lack of condence; celebrating ones strengths and using them to overcome weaknesses indicates condence. Do you want success and happiness? Start by developing that internal phenomenon called self-condence. The following 10 essential steps will get you on the road to selfcondence.
Step 1 Develop Positive Self-Esteem

With greater condence in yourself and your abilities, you will set yourself bigger goals, make bigger plans and commit yourself to achieving objectives that today you only dream about. Brian Tracy
Positive self-esteem is the foundation stone of a condent personality. So what is selfesteem? Its the opinion you hold of yourself i.e. how much you like yourself. With high self-esteem, youll like yourself; youll feel comfortable in your own skin. Youll think positive thoughts and be highly motivated. With low self-esteem the converse is true. Youll compare yourself to others and nd yourself wanting; your thoughts will be negative.
Step 1
According to psychologists, if your behaviour and your self-ideal are congruent, you are more likely to have self-respect and high selfesteem. If on the other hand they are not in harmony your self-esteem will be low.
Your self -esteem is determined by your selfimage. Your selfimage is shaped by your self-ideal, which is made up of your virtues, values, goals, hopes, dreams and aspirations. Brian Tracy [3]
Develop your self-esteem and self-image by acting in harmony with your self-ideal. Identify situations which make you feel good, such as being praised and rewarded or achieving particular goals. Create these situations so that you increase your self-esteem and feel great about yourself.
Step 1
Remember,
I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ. [ 4 ]

Change your attitude by believing in your strengths. Its not just about your professional life; its about your personal life too. Hone your skills with respect to all the roles you have in life. And remember, if you are good at one thing, you have the potential to excel in other elds too. Glenn R Schiraldis words highlight the benets of high self-esteem and how it helps overcome depression, chronic pain, anxiety and other similar issues. Above all, learn to love and respect yourself.
Self-esteem is strongly associated with happiness, psychological resilience and motivation to live a productive and healthy life. Glenn R Schiraldi [ 5]
Step 2 Replace your limiting beliefs with Self-Belief

There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. Phyllis Battome
Believe it or not, you are what you believe. If you believe you will succeed, you will. If you believe you wont succeed, you wont. According to Henry Ford, Whether you think you can or whether you think you cant, youre right! Many women lack self-belief, i.e. positive beliefs about what we as individuals can and cant do. In a world that has been telling us from the moment we were born that were not as good as men, this may not surprise you.
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Step 2
And many of us believe we are indeed not as good as men;we may not say it explicitly, but this belief is evident in the way many of us women restrict ourselves; we settle for less when we deserve and are capable of more. Limiting beliefs are the most debilitating of all beliefs we have about ourselves. You can spot a limiting belief because they limit your performance. You know its at work when your inner voice is repeating; Youre no good at. You always get it wrong A woman like you couldnt etc. Such beliefs are learned and internalised; they often originate from early experiences such as unkind remarks from other kids (e.g. youre a wally), or an angry statement from a stressed parent (e.g. youre so clumsy). They follow us into adulthood, inuence our behaviour and affect our selfcondence. If you believe youre stupid or clumsy youll feel inferior in relation to others. Limiting beliefs are powerful, subjective and usually untrue. Take them as true and they become self-fullling as emphasised in the Law of Belief which says;
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Step 2
Whatever you believe with conviction becomes your reality. To develop self-condence, grow and progress in life, you need to replace your limiting beliefs with empowering self-belief. If you really believe you can, by your words and actions youll prove that you can. So, start by recognising each limiting belief for what it is and question whether its true. Then substitute each one with empowering beliefs, (e.g. I will be successful). Set your goal and your plan of action for achieving something you really want and didnt believe you could get. To bring conviction to that new belief visualise the outcome you seek. Reframe any setback you encounter, in other words, look at it from a more positive angle. For example, Sarah lost her job through redundancy, but reframed it as a great opportunity to set up the business she had dreamt about. Seek the learning within each setback. Youll nd it, no matter how great the obstacle. Harmonise your words and actions with your new belief and act as if youve achieved your goal. Find a successful role model to emulate.
Eventually youll be thinking much more positively about yourself and your abilities and youll see yourself y.
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Step 3 Use Positive Affirmations

It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen. Muhammad Ali
We hear a lot about the conscious and unconscious mind. The conscious mind thinks of here and now. We make decisions using our conscious mind, but the unconscious mind plays an important role in the process too. The unconscious mind is a bundle of memories, and holds past experiences and the emotions, thoughts and learning evoked by them. Parts of these get triggered when you make decisions.
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Step 3
For example, if you were attacked by an Alsatian in childhood, you store this experience in your unconscious. When you see Alsatians, no matter how friendly, you immediately get tense with fear. Similarly, over the years, we form beliefs about ourselves which are wired in the unconscious mind. When we express limiting beliefs in negative self-talk, e.g. I always look awful Ill never get a boyfriend it affects our condence.
Positive affirmations, also called self-hypnosis, undermine such negative thoughts. As simple statements, repeated with feeling regularly over a period of time, they directly enter the unconscious mind and transform negative self talk and beliefs to positive ones. For example, I am gorgeous Im attractive to men.
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Step 3
Start using daily positive affirmations repeatedly; in fact, make a habit of it. Soon youll be thinking positively. Youll wheedle out the fears and doubts that hold you back and youll replace them with thoughts of happiness. Even Muhammad Ali, as world champion used them. Remember his I am the greatest?
Create positive affirmations - ensure the statements are positive rather than negative e.g. Im a winner rather than Im not a loser make them short, simple and easy to say and remember; write them down; pin them around your house; own them; visualise the results; say them frequently each day with passion and conviction. Eventually theyll become habits in thinking and behaviour. Youll notice the effect. Your condence will soon start to rise.
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Step 4 Visualise yourself being Confident

If you can dream it, you can do it. Walt Disney
A lot is said about visualising this or visualising that. But do we really know what it is? Mental picturing is another name for visualisation. According to Julia Hastings it is, When you relax and picture in your mind the future you want... It is the easiest and quickest way to achieve your goals. [ 6 ] A social worker I knew visualised daily the house she wanted to buy, with its green front door, its bay windows and its neatly laid back garden. A couple of years later, she found it, her house with exactly the same front door, the bay window and back garden.
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Step 4
It sounds too good to be true, but visualisation is a technique used regularly and effectively by successful people. Tiger Woods used it on the golf course. Women use it to maintain their slender gures. It separates the really successful from the mediocre. The great thing about visualisation is that its easy and anyone can do it. We visualise things every day albeit unconsciously. We picture catching the train or wearing a particular dress... So how do you visualise being condent?
1. Relax completely 2. Take between 5 and 10 minutes to mentally picture yourself doing
things with great condence and power. Imagine those circumstances you nd most difficult public speaking, tackling the noisy neighbour. Picture yourself performing them easily, condently and effectively. Imagine your feelings when youve completed the task youre proud and elated and feel fantastic. Turn up those feelings until you feel amazing. See your friends and colleagues praising you for your achievements and revel in your new found condence. Use visualisations regularly alongside your identied actions and your self-condence will go through the roof.
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Step 5 Decide What You Want and Make It Happen

Some people want it to
happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen. Michael Jordon
Be proactive. Dont sit around watching life pass you by. Go after your dreams and make them happen. John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the 35th US President rightly mentioned, Things do not happen. They are made to happen.
[7]
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Step 5
When you decide what you want, believe in it completely. Set your SMART goals and write them down; ensure they are:
Specic and clear Measurable Achievable Relevant Time-bounded

Visualise yourself achieving them over and over again. Develop an action plan and take action to get you there. And remember you dont always get what you want straight away. But dont ever give up on it, especially when you fall, although you may feel tempted. Learn from your failure; dont accept defeat but keep going. Watch your condence grow and feel empowered when you get what you want by your own efforts.
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Step 6 Feel The Fear

Whatever you fear most has no power it is your fear that has the power. Oprah Winfrey
We all have fears, whether fear of wild animals, fear of ying, fear of rejection. If it is rational and warns of impending danger, so that you take action (e.g. eeing a re), it can be a life saver. If imagined (e.g. fear of failure) or irrational (e.g. phobias), it can adversely affect your condence and thereby limit your life chances. There are women who are paralysed by fear of looking silly, or fear of what others will think of them.
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Step 6
There are others who fear success and the exposure that this will give them. Such women keep their world small, safe and avoid risks. They may have great potential and skills but their fear prevents them from branching out.
So what can be done to overcome such fear? 1. Recognise the fear.Accepting that it exists is the rst step to overcoming it. 2. Explore the fear.What are its origins? Is it rational? Is it imagined? If it is both imagined and irrational how can it be overcome? 3. Confront the fear. You may be afraid but take action regardless and do so repeatedly. As Susan Jeffers said, Feel the fear and do it anyway [8]. Facing challenges will make you grow and develop. 4. Be courageous.Equip yourself with the power that comes from courage and watch your resilience and self-condence increase.
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Step 7 Look after your Health

Women in particular need to keep an eye on their physical and mental health, because if we're scurrying to and from appointments and errands, we don't have a lot of time to take care of ourselves. We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own 'to do' list. Michelle Obama
You are very resourceful and have energy in abundance. You are the source of many ideas. However, this is only the case whilst you are in good health. Women often have to juggle the demands of the family and the demands of the workplace. This often allows them very little me time; time to focus on their own needs and recharge their batteries.
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Step 7
Poor health can leave you completely stressed out. So learn to value and look after your health above all. Take time out to put yourself rst and focus on your needs. If youre stressed and unwell this will limit the amount of emotional and physical energy you can give to your children. A weary and irritable mom is not functioning at her best. With emotional and physical health youll be surprised by how condent youll feel. Respect yourself and stay healthy by developing a good tness regime. It may be clichd but healthy eating, regular exercise, rest and relaxation help you cope with the stress of the 21st century living. Take on only as much as you can. Most importantly, learn to say NO when you cant. Participate in those physical activities you enjoy. Use the gym, walk or jog, swim or play tennis. Avoid negative coping strategies such as smoking or excessive drinking. Look after and respect yourself and witness the positive effect on your condence and on your relationship with your family.
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Step 8 Dress to look and feel great

Costumes are the rst impression that you have of the character before they open their mouth -it really does establish who they are. Colleen Atwood
Do you remember the last time you felt really down and wanted to hide? What were you wearing? How was your hair? Were your shoes clean and shiny? You probably didnt look your best, which wouldnt have lifted your spirit. Remember, your mood inuences your appearance and your appearance inuences your mood a vicious circle.
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Step 8
Do you want to feel condent? Select clothes that make you look and feel great. Look after your hair. Ensure you are well groomed. Good grooming doesnt have to cost much, but it does require a little time and effort. When youre looking good, youll feel good and others will compliment you and put their condence in you. When you get compliments and positive feedback and recognise the condence that others have in your ability, notice how much more condent you feel about yourself. Remember it takes 7 seconds to make an impression; those 7 seconds could make or break a deal. So do your best to inuence the impression you make by ensuring your appearance is appropriate for the circumstances and right for you. A study of the inuence on patients of a doctors attire, found that 68% of patients placed greater condence in those physicians who dressed professionally, making them more hopeful about their recovery. [9] It isnt just the style of your clothes; colour plays a part too. There are colours, when worn in clothes and make-up, that enhance your natural beauty and make you look terric. Find and wear those colours that make you look great and thereby make you feel great. Dress to impress and boost your condence.
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Step 9 Surround Yourself with Positive People
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. Mark Twain
Having a positive outlook on life is an important step in developing condence. Positivity is synonymous with optimism. Optimists by denition see the bright side of things. They have positive energy and are most likely to be driven, balanced and happy. Surround yourself with positive thinking people and you will fuel yourself with their energy, happiness and positive approach to life.
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Step 9
The book, Focus on Good Stuff: The Power of Appreciation [ 10 ] , mentions the results of research which conrmed that 90% of subjects performed better when surrounded by positive, appreciative people. Such people, value you for who you are and what you do - boosting your self-esteem and condence level. Avoid negative people they focus on bad news and problems. Their mood is infectious and inuences you into negative thinking. If you were feeling good before meeting them, youll feel down when you leave. Remember, the people you call friends says a lot about who you are. If you want to be successful and enjoy life hang out with successful people. Their inuence will keep you in good spirits and on the road to success. Youll feel great and condent around them.
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Step 10 Identify your Strengths and acknowledge them

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain
According to Robert Cooper, in The Other 90%: How to Unlock Your Vast Untapped Potential for Leadership & Life, To excel is to know your greatest strengths and passions and to emphasize them while honestly admitting and managing your weaknesses.
[11]
Women are overcoming challenges, smashing through barriers in incredibly difficult circumstances both in the work place and in the
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Step 10
home. Nevertheless, women are sometimes not good at recognising and valuing their strengths and their achievements. Our successes may not often be as acknowledged in history as those of men, but nevertheless our contributions have been valuable. Did you know that Mary Anderson invented the windscreen wiper? Or that Ada Lovelace created the theories of looping and indexing that form the basis of modern computers? We need to recognise our strengths and acknowledge them for ourselves. Develop your condence by taking an objective look at yourself and identifying and listing your strengths and your achievements to date. What are you good at? What do other people admire you for? What are your skills and talents? What awards have you achieved? What projects have you undertaken that have been successful?
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Step 10
List them all Im a good communicator; I dress well; Im caring; Im a good cook; Im popular; Im creative; Im good at my job. Get them all out and keep going with the list. See them for what they are you operating at your best. Build on your strengths and become more. Value yourself. Feel good about yourself. Congratulate and applaud yourself. Continue to acknowledge you at your best. And your weaknesses? Channel effort into developing competency in those areas that really matter and enable you to shine. For example, you feel your voice is not powerful, take voice lessons so that you can speak with more condence.
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Step 11 The Essential Bonus Step - Get a Coach to Work with You
If someone is going down the wrong road, he doesn't need motivation to speed him up. What he needs is education to turn him around. Jim Rohn
What is coaching? According to Jenny Rogers, The coach works with clients to achieve speedy, increased and sustainable effectiveness in their lives and career through focused learning.
[12]
People who experience coaching move from where they are to where they want to be effectively and quicker than if they were working alone.
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Step 11
Based on the principle that the client is resourceful, the coach doesnt tell you what to do. The coachs role is to enable you to nd your own solutions and thereby develop your resourcefulness through skilful questions, focused listening, encouragement, support, challenges and holding you to account. Youll discover meaningful choices you never knew you had. As your resourcefulness develops, so will your condence and sense of empowerment. One of the benets of working with me at Winning Pathways Coaching is that I will work with you through the coaching process and help you to break through the barriers that have held you back and continue to impede your progress - barriers such as lack of condence and selfbelief. By the end of the coaching programme, you will emerge, a woman with increased self-condence, feeling empowered. Contact me HERE now to begin developing your self-condence with guidance, encouragement and support.
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Conclusion
You are a resourceful and magnicent woman. Your success lies in your ability to handle lifes opportunities well. Unleash your personal power and be condent as you make your decisions. Remember, its not always what you get at the end that matters. The journey to get you there is lled with learning and opportunities for condence building and therefore matters just as much. Many of us are busy working towards achieving our ambitions and so are you. What sets you apart from the rest is the condence with which you work. With that condence, the quality of your work improves; you become a winner not just on reaching your goal, but every single day you work towards it.
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We have all heard inspirational stories about people who encounter setbacks in their life and have nevertheless gone on to be successful. They may have struggled and encountered obstacles but their unshakeable condence in who they are and in their abilities empowered them to succeed. Know that you are your own best companion. The condence to excel must be yours and will bring you courage. Know your worth, awaken to your potential and walk with authority, your head held high. Are you ready now to boost your self-condence to the next level? Lets get you started right away... Sign up for your personal Condence Building coaching programme by clicking here.
Wishing you every success! Claudia
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Bibliography
[1] Claudia Crawley: Empowerment, Equality, Empathy. [8] Susan Jeffers: Feel the Fear & Do it Anyway.
Room on the Edge Success Stories podcast

[2] Helen Keller: Condence Quotes http://
Vermilion, 2007
[9] Budny AM,Rogers LC, Mandracchia VJ, Lascher S.
www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/condence.html
[3] Brian Tracy: Goals
The physician's attire and its inuence on patient condence. 2006 Mar-Apr;96(2):132-8
[10] Mike Pobbins & Richard Carlson:
Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

[4] Self-esteem Quotes:
Focus on the Good Stuff. P164

[11] Robert Cooper: http://www.philosophersnotes.com/
http://thinkexist.com/quotations/self-esteem/
[5] Glenn R. Schiraldi:
quotes/byteacher/RobertCooper
[12] Jenny Rogers: Coaching Skills: A Handbook.
10 Simple Solutions for Building Self-Esteem. 1st Edition. New Harbinger Pubns Inc, 2007.
[6] Julia Hastings: Youre Great.
2008 Edition. Open University Press
Touchstones Publications
[7] John Fitzgerald Quotes: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/
things_do_not_happen-things_are_made_to_happen/ 212031.html
Winning Pathways Coaching This Free report is a copyrighted publication of Winning Pathways Coaching. (c) 2011
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THE10ESSENTIALSTEPSTO SELF-CONFIDENCE

Dont complain about

The 10 Essential Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence

Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. [ 2 ]

Step 1 Develop Positive Self-Esteem

I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ. [ 4 ]

Step 2 Replace your limiting beliefs with Self-Belief

Step 3 Use Positive Affirmations

Step 4 Visualise yourself being Confident

Step 5 Decide What You Want and Make It Happen

Specic and clear Measurable Achievable Relevant Time-bounded

Step 6 Feel The Fear

Step 7 Look after your Health

Step 8 Dress to look and feel great

Step 9 Surround Yourself with Positive People

Step 10 Identify your Strengths and acknowledge them

Wishing you every success! Claudia

Room on the Edge Success Stories podcast

Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

Focus on the Good Stuff. P164

2008 Edition. Open University Press

[7] John Fitzgerald Quotes: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/

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