May 2012 Please Take One

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May 2012 Please Take One

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Untold Passes

by Brantford Poet John Smith

Its never easy To open up inside About whats happened Within our lives We keep it hidden So no one knows About our past Until were old Some take it with them When theyre gone One never knows What went on Until its too late To know the truth The past will go And be with you.

Cover co-design by Sarah Renwick

- Canadian Mental Health Association

20% of Canadians will personally experience a mental illness in their lifetime

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May 2012

In the 9 months the Brant Advocate has been publishing I have been proud of much that we have been able to do. Some of our goals with this publication were to change the narrative of our communities and to help others amplify the interesting and important stories that they have. We wanted this to be a platform for diverse opinion and diverse experiences. In those efforts, though we are young, we have seen some success. As a professional working in this community over a number of years in health care and mental health for both children and adults, Im very proud of how often stigmatized subjects has been covered in these very pages. Mental health is a scary subject for many. I have worked with families who shudder at the idea of seeking helpful services for a loved one. It is a hard journey for many to reach out for help and it is a hard journey for many who struggle for years never knowing where to find help. Very early on in the creation of this publication, as we were developing our team of contributors, it amazed me how many of them wanted to speak directly or indirectly about mental health. Those of you reading this, who are also in the helping fields or have had your own difficult experiences

with mental health, know what it can be like. The stigma, and the fear, that you or a loved one will be seen as weak, incapable or less than is strong. Yet in these pages, in a short period of time, weve seen people with lived experience of mental illness and allies with a keen interest write factually and passionately about the subject. Tough articles about personal experiences with suicide, addictions, depression, seasonal affect disorder, postpartum depression, and post traumatic stress disorders have all been covered in the Advocate. And thats how we change the narrative. If we talk about mental health as we would any other subject of interest - factually, passionately and consistently we will see, over time, less stigma and more understanding, less barriers and more doors. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association 20% of Canadians will personally experience a mental illness in their lifetime. It affects Canadians of all strata regardless of age, education, income and culture. We have 3.2 million teens in this country who are at risk of developing

depression, and our youth suicide rate is the third highest in the industrialized world. If we cant talk about it, well not move forward. So it is imperative that we do talk about it. Let me share an example from one night in Brantford. One of the first things I helped to organize in this community, as a professional, was an Open Forum on Mental Health that was a precursor event to that years Mental Health Week activities. We had many speakers share their own experiences and discuss services there for those who might need help. I remember vividly speaking to a young woman during the break who approached me with a nervous smile that quickly turned to tears. She was feeling very depressed and had no idea where to turn until she came to the forum event. She had heard about the forum in The Expositor and thought it would be a low risk way to see if there might be help out there for her. She expected it to be a waste of time and to end up back home feeling as alone as ever. Except when she heard others with lived experience of mental illness speaking about their journey she didnt feel alone. There was help available and she was able to connect with it that night.

Ive seen a similar story unfold time and again at these awareness events, at health fair tables, at places where community outreach exists and at every local Mental Health Week Ive been able to be a part of. Each May, Brantford and the surrounding area participates in Mental Health Week. This holds a special place in my heart as I actually started my career in mental health in this community on May 4th, 2009, which was the day of the 2009 Mental Health Week Kick-off. This year, I will be emceeing that same event and Ive been happy to be a member of the Mental Health Week Committee each year since and have seen it grow and adapt to the needs of our community. I hope youll check out the schedule below for a complete listing of events for Mental Health Week 2012 and that youll be on the lookout for these events every year. In the meantime, if you or someone you know needs information on where to get help, dial 211 on your phone or visit www.211ontario.ca to be connected to help right away.

Mental Health Week 2012 Calendar of Events

Monday, May 7
Kickoff to Mental Health Week event Polish Hall, 154 Pearl Street 6:00pm - 9:00pm Evening includes: Art show & sale, presentation of STRIVE awards, entertainment, variety show, agency displays and light refereshments. To RSVP, or for more information, contact Lill Petrella at 519-752-2998 ext. 112 or Diane Wdowczyk at 519-752-5308 ext. 125

Tuesday, May 8
Breakfast of Champions At the Greens at Renton, 8:00am -10:00 am Come celebrate the ongoing work being done between the Grand Erie District School Board and the Brant Haldimand Norfolk Catholic District School Board, and their community partner agencies to support students living with mental health illness. Presentation that morning by: Dr. Kathy Short, Ph.D., C. Psych. Director, School Mental Health ASSIST (Awareness, Strategy, Selection & Implementation Support Team) For more information, call Terri Culp at 519-587-2441 ext. 242

Wednesday, May 9
Wellness Wednesday event at Joseph Brant Learning Centre 347 Erie Ave, 5:00pm - 8:00pm Presentions by: Darren Thomas, Relaxation/ Meditation Dr. Michael Meade, Naturopathic Doctor Anastasia Blackey & Gayle Myke, Reflexology Includes: childrens activities, agency displays and light refreshments For information or to RSVP, call Cynthia Barton at 519-756-2205 ext. 224 ---------------------------------------------That day Childrens Aid of Brant is hosting a Mothers Day Celebration- Rest & Relaxation Stepping Stones Family Resource Centre, 50 Pontiac St., Unit #36 from 1:30pm - 3:30pm For more information call Leigh at 519-753-8681 ext. 438

Thursday, May 10
Six Nations Child & Family Services Family Fun Fair, 5:00pm - 7:00pm Social Services Gym 15 Sunrise Court, Ohsweken, ON Agency displays, interactive activities for children, food and beverages. For more information, call: Roger Vyse at 519-445-2950 ------------------------------------------------Childrens Aid Society of Brant hosts: "Let's talk" Coffee Time at Northland Gardens Family Resource Centre, 56 Memorial Drive, Unit 11 Brantford from 9:30am - 11:30am Mental Health BBQ & Open House-New Beginnings Family Resource Centre, 359 Darling St. Unit 17 3:30pm - 5:30pm For more information Leigh at 519-753-8681 ext. 438

Saturday, May 12
Rockin for Mental Health Awareness with TEENAGE HEAD Hosted by CMHA Brant at Alexanders Lounge, 187 Market Street. Doors open at 9:00 pm For tickets, or more information call Lill Petrella at 519-752-2998 ext. 112 Tickets are $20 and available at - Alexanders, 187 Market Street - Hips Cycle, 900 Colborne - Kreative Khaos, 298 Colborne - All Scotiabank Brantford locations hosted by CMHA Brant

May 2012

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This Could Be You

Im a professional living and working in Brantford. You may have seen me around town. You may have visited my place of work and used my services. We may have chatted, joked, and about the complained weather. I cant tell you my name, because I have a mental illness and respect the wishes of my family to write this anonymously. Theres your first hint about what it means to live with a mental illness, in my case Bipolar disorder. Making my diagnosis public would be an embarrassment to my family, and revealing it might compromise my credibility at work and my life in the community. Living with mental illness often means living in hiding. I have been ill as long as I can remember. As a child, my depression was so bad that sometimes I couldnt wait for bedtime so the pain would go away. As a teenager, my depression translated into an eating disorder, and I battled anorexia and bulimia for five years. Throughout my adult life I climbed in and out of what I call my black hole. If you havent suffered from depressionand Im willing to bet many of you reading this haveits difficult to explain. Friends called me a drama queen and tried to cajole me out of it. But when youre depressed, theres no easy way out. Once youve suffered for years, climbing out of the black hole seems harder and harder. Life feels like a jail sentence and you cant wait for parole. If you have something or someone to live for you may keep going, but even then suicide is unbelievably seductive. For me, thoughts of death were often the only peace I could find in

by Anonymous

the midst of darkness. As Ive told my family though, it was like looking through a catalogue for a vacation I couldnt affordI dreamed about it, but would never go there. But thats not all there is to Bipolar disorder. The other side, mania

confidence leads you to take risks and be reckless beyond anything your normal self would believe. For me, that meant extreme sports (and I had my share of injuries), reckless driving and unsafe behaviour, like walking the trails by the river at 2 a.m. In mania, sometimes the buzz gets so high that you cant follow what youre thinking. I heard voices arguing at the back of my mind, making it difficult to concentrate on what was happening in the real world. I pushed myself so hard at work (even though my family begged me to stop) that I would collapse. Then I heard Robert Munsch on the radio. He was talking about his own mental illness, the risks he took, and the depression he suffered. His diagnosis was Bipolar I. I made a doctors appointment the next day. For once I was honest, rather than hiding my symptoms out of embarrassment. I saw a specialist, and received counselling and medication. It was a tough road, but I made it. Im one of the lucky ones. Nothing I did had serious or permanent implications. I didnt lose my job, max out my credit card, sell my house, alienate my family, or hurt myself or anyone else on the road. Most importantly, I didnt commit suicide. So if youre one of those lucky people whos never experienced a mental illness (or loved someone who has), remember that anyone around you could be suffering: the cashier at the grocery store, your childs teacher, your plumber, or even your neighbour. I hope that one day we wont need to hide, that mental illness will be as normal as diabetes, and that people who suffer will be seen as people, not problems.

(or for me, hypomaniaa less intense type of mania), is wonderful while youre in it. Your mind races, you have boundless energy and barely need to sleep. The whole world is your oyster. Youre bursting with confidence. Youre the cleverest, most attractive, funniest person in the world. So whats wrong with that? Thats the question I asked when I was manic. Its like being on a completely natural high. That is, until your

The Independence Thing

I've been called a bra burner. A man hater. A femi-nazi. A bitch. But what nobody realizes is that those words don't hurt. What hurts is that people label me as a cold and sarcastic person who is too independent. The independence thing has ruined relationships in the past for me, with people who could not handle a woman being able to look after her own. I didn't come from a family with a particularly strong head. Both my parents had their skills, sure, but they were never really dominant in anything. My dad cut the lawn, my mom cooked most nights except for Saturdays when dad made homemade mac and cheese and a fresh loaf of bread every Saturday throughout the winter. There were clear gender roles in my household. It didn't bother me. My parents were complacent at best, and probably at worst, as their marriage ended when I was 13. At the most awkward time in anyone's life Grade 9. Ugh. When my parents split up, my dad went his way and my mom went to work. And she worked a lot. For selfish reasons on the bitter spouses part, our finances increased exponentially but, of course, the income didn't. Suddenly my mom had two kids to look after with a minimum wage waitressing job and welfare to top up her wages. She got a job in a factory with mandatory overtime and we ended up never seeing her: the classic single mom working to pay the bills story. Through this, I ended up raising my little brother. I made sure he was cooked for, cleaned up after, homework done, in bed at a normal time, etc. And nobody was really there to look after me. So look after me I did; at 13, 14, 15 and so on.

by Sarah Renwick

see and be traumatized. The other man fell out of our lives when we moved. Looking after my brother became second nature to me. He is actually the primary reason for my return to Brantford and I owe him a big thank you for that. When I moved away to college at 17, I was looking after me. Budgeting, completing my schoolwork, obtaining Dean's List grades, working - I did it all. During university, I had to help my older brother out of a predicament and we are able to laugh about it now. In fact, we wish we had those predicaments again because, man, being an adult with adult responsibilities sucks. At some point in our lives, we have to decide whether we're a leader or follower. I don't think this is a conscious decision however, but often times there will be someone in our lives who we wish to emulate. There have been a few people in my life who I admire and, if I can be one tenth of the person they are, then I feel like I'm okay. My Grandad, Les, was the strong male lead with a soft side. A soft side for me. Use your heart wisely, he taught me. He had a big spot in his heart for me and I ensure that the people who I entrust with a piece of my heart are aware of it. Another one is my Grade 8 teacher, Ms. Vothknecht. That woman taught me that you could be as smart as you wanted, as athletic as you wanted and as strong as you wanted and never had to hide it. She was my first real, true

That woman taught me that you could be as smart as you wanted, as athletic as you wanted and as strong as you wanted and never had to hide it.
I have a history though. Since I was 4 years old, I've always looked after me. I had to. I was protecting everyone in my life from the stories that would eventually come out and devastate them. I had secrets of sexual abuse at the hands of two men my family entrusted to look after my brothers and me. So, from four-years-old on, I was protecting others and ensuring they were safe. I ended the abuse of one man when I was nine years old because I heard my brother coming down the stairs and told the assailant to stop because I didn't want my little brother to

experience with a feminist, without her even realizing it. Then, I did a co-op placement at the Sexual Assault Centre of Brant while in high school. The women there taught me so much about me while I was trying to find my place in this world. Going away to college and university enabled me to put my skills into place and, upon my return to Brantford, my hometown, my heart, I morphed into the person I am today. Obviously parenting has softened me a lot in the process. Good or bad? That remains to be seen. I cry now. I never used to. My husband is a man who accepts me for who I am. He has known me for 17 years and knows that when I feel strongly in something, I will pursue it, I will argue it, and I will speak it. As long as I believe it is truth. We all have people in our lives who have given us some inner strength that we are able to later turn around and show to the world as who we are. Me? Sure, I do things my way, I pay my own way, I work, I cook, I clean, I cut the lawn, I do the garbages, I paint, I bake, I parent, I play sports and I volunteer. I do it all on my own, with someone who is there beside me because I want them there and not because I need them there. So, next time you think someone is stubborn or too independent, praise them and ask who inspired them. We all have our stories and mine is one of self-sufficiency and assertiveness.

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May 2012

When its More than the Baby Blues

It should be one of the happiest times in a womans life: bringing a baby into the world. Sadly, one in six women will develop Postpartum Depression (PPD). A new working group has been established in Brant to support women suffering from PPD. Created through a collaboration of local agencies, including the Ontario Early Years Centre and Kids Can Fly, this group has already offered a workshop for front-line early childhood educators to learn about PPD and Kids Can Fly has re-vamped its Parachute Program to offer a group for parents that are struggling with the transition to parenthood. The working group established itself after hearing that there were women suffering from PPD in Brant that were having a hard time getting the help that they need. One woman named MaryAnn describes her birthing experience as a relatively easy birth but then says she started to experience anxiety after her daughter was born. She didnt recognize it as PPD and thought it was normal to have concerns about the health and well-being of her baby. I think when I found it difficult to leave the house or leave her with other care providers, and began to obsess about her general health, I knew that I was no longer functioning in a manner that I considered healthy. She adds, I really wasnt enjoying the experience of mothering, so much as I was overcome with ruminations about potential threats to her safety. When my thoughts were consumed by these thoughts and interfered with my independence and happiness, I knew that it wasnt Baby Blues. Many women will experience Postpartum Baby Blues the first few hours or days after giving birth to their child. This condition only lasts a few days and is characterized by fluctuations in mood, irritability, anxiety, sleep and appetite disturbances and usually goes away relatively quickly. It is possible for women truly suffering from Postpartum Depression to go undiagnosed. The difference between the baby blues and PPD Once Mary-Ann reached out for help, she had a hard time finding services to meet her needs. I didnt manage my symptoms very well. In fact, I was in hell. I was very suggestible and all of this happened over the time of the H1N1 scare. All I could see were images of people wearing masks on TV and I became fearful that my baby or other children would contract this flu and succumb. I became petrified, consumed with fear to the point of paralysis. From the safety of her home she made calls desperate to find assistance. There wasnt one agency or service dedicated to, or focused on, supporting a woman with Postpartum Depression. What she really needed was help at home, one-on-one support and a chat with someone who cared. My husband wanted to help, but living with a newborn and someone experiencing that level of anxiety can be overwhelming. Knowing how to cope, help or show you care is difficult. In truth, I persevered, says Mary-Ann. PPD remains largely undetected and many women suffer in silence mostly due to the stigma of the condition. They are fearful to share their feelings for the fear of being labeled an unfit mother or they feel that theyll be judged. The barriers to recognizing PPD include the belief that struggles are a normal part of motherhood and some women may not recognize they need help. There are signs that family members, healthcare workers and early childhood educators can look for in a mother. Some examples are that the mother appears despondent, irritable, tearful and withdrawn. Another indicator can be that the mother appears uninterested or not engaged with their baby. Its time to seek help when the mother has these experiences. If a woman or her family feels that she has PPD, she should contact her healthcare provider. Mary-Ann has advice for the family of a woman with PPD. Family members have to acknowledge there is a problem. Enabling someone who is ill

by Patti Berardi

is different from offering help. Dont hesitate to call a professional, a warm line, or other toll free number. Get information and educate yourself. Stay positive and supportive and realize that it is nothing you have done. Its important for women to get help when they have PPD. Postpartum depression can weaken the developing bonds between a mother and her child making a toddler more passive, insecure and socially inhibited. The Parachute Program Transitioning to Parenthood will start on Wednesday, May 16th and will continue every Wednesday afternoon from 1:30pm to 3:00pm at St. Andrews Community Centre on 95 Darling Street in Brantford. For more information, contact Jane at 519-755-9482 or visit Flinders www.kidscanfly.ca. A woman should contact her healthcare provider if she has the symptoms of PPD. Other resources include the Mental Health Emergency Crisis Line (519-752-2273), St. Leonards Community Services (519-759-7188), Telehealth Ontario (1-866-979-0000), Canadian Mental Health Association (519-752-2998), Family Counselling Centre of Brant (519-753-4173), and the Ontario Early Years Centre (519-7593833). The Postpartum Depression working group is continuing to bring more services to Brant to assist women. There are plans to offer motherto-mother support through e-mail and phone calls, support groups and the continuation of public education on Postpartum Depression. The group is also raising awareness of family physicians on where to refer women and packages are being distributed to all local doctors offices. Mary-Ann adds, I would tell women to be good to themselves, and to be patient during the recovery process. Every journey begins with a first step. Take that step and soon you will find that you are not walking alone.

is persistent feelings of sadness, inability to feel pleasure, sleep disturbance, fatigue, weight and appetite changes, decreased concentration, excessive feelings of worthlessness or guilt, recurrent thoughts of death or suicide and can include thoughts of infanticide. The onset of these symptoms usually occurs four weeks postpartum up to a year.

A Healthy Body A Safe Body A Safe School A Safe Community And Someone To Talk To When We Dont Feel Safe
At www.TaylorsRights.ca you can: Download Information, watch the cartoon, listen to the Taylor song, arrange a visit to a local classroom or group with our two REAL tortoises email & invite Taylor the Turtle to your local event

An innovative locally made project for children of all ages, reminding us that we ALL have the right to:

May 2012

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Page 5

A Grander Vision of Conservatism

Politically, Im a Conservative. That word evokes all sorts of different emotions in people. In some ways, it philosophically resonates quite deeply in me, and in others ways, those who know me know that Im the furthest thing from being described as conservative. I find it to be a misunderstood word because I believe there is a grander vision that principally needs to be cast; PEOPLE taking care of people. On February 4th, Sun Medias Warren Kinsella wrote an editorial about our need to put faith in Non-Governmental Organizations when it comes to societal revival. He made some excellent observations: "Trust in banks and financial institutions has never been lower and trust in government has gone into an unprecedented decline. Meanwhile, for the fifth year in a row, 'NGOs are the most trusted institution in the world.'" I DO think government and Canadians need to spend some time in relationship counseling to repair trust. AND I'm thankful that we HAVE managed our banking system prudently, thus preventing widespread national economic hardship. And I think Kinsella is quite right about the high value of NGO's. But then he said that Conservative partisans don't want to hear this because it "challenges their entire world view." That's where I take issue with Kinsella regarding Conservatism. Let's break it down to its bare bones and take away the pet issues of the day. Conservatism is people taking care of people. Liberalism is government taking money from people and taking care of people for us. Both are well meaning. Both involve care for others. But one resonates more completely for me. Conservatism believes in government assuring the framework is there for business to be strong, so business can be generous. Conservatism believes in government assuring the freedoms of the individual, so individuals can be generous. Conservatism believes that people can take care of people more effectively (and COST-effectively) than government can. NGO's are simply groupings of passionate people with a heart to take care of one another; which is great! That SHOULD be the ideal in any scenario! The political left's strategy to paint Conservatives as uncaring is a misleading one. Its simply a DIFFERENT plan of attack. Actually, I believe it's worse than misleading because in doing so, it undercuts the empowerment of people and leads to a habitual lack of trust. It robs people of the gift of onus, removing personal social One of the most wonderful Conservative vision-casts called the Ten Cannots has been long misattributed to Abraham Lincoln. It was actually written by William John Henry Boetcker, a leading Presbyterian minister, thinker and speaker in 1916. His thoughts are incredibly important: You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot help little men by tearing down big men. You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot establish sound security on borrowed money. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred. You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn. You cannot build character and courage by destroying men's initiative and independence. And you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves. I look forward to seeing NGO's, churches, nonprofits and groups of empowered Canadians revolutionizing this nation with kindness. You HAVE the tools you need to be a superhero. This change in mindset could change our land for the better. PEOPLE taking care of people. Think about the ripples economically, socially; even spiritually. Our Governor General David Johnston has some WONDERFUL things to say about how everyday philanthropy of regular Canadians time, talent and treasure is a key to growing this nation. "All thinking will be moonshine unless we realize that nothing but the courage and unselfishness of individuals is ever going to make any system work properly... You cannot make men good by

by Dave Carrol

law: and without good men you cannot have a good society." ~C.S. Lewis I support the party(s) that best principally reflects how I believe principally about life. I don't support it because it, or anyone in it, is the savior. Neither do I find any party to be a perfect

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot help little men by tearing down big men.
paradigm fully reflecting the full scope of my beliefs. This is why I reserve my hope for higher place than politics. But I believe people get into politics because they DO care, not because they don't. I have friends who represent the whole political spectrum. I respect them for caring and I believe the feeling to be mutual. But it's incredibly important to be analytical and strategic about the best way to make sure our anthem is upheld as a land glorious and free. Then, lets be ready to work hard for it in every sphere that influences our society. "I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind." ~John Diefenbaker

Conservatism believes in government assuring the framework is there for business to be strong, so business can be generous.
responsibly that we all NEED to be complete, effective members of a community. It's this very responsibility that we seem to have abdicated as a society because of our assumptions that it's the government's job to do this and that FOR us. It does not serve us well.

Drinking the Small Business Cocktail

Many of us have dreamed of being our own boss, and being able to make the decisions that affect our lives without the imposition of some other authority. Thats small business in a nutshell. But it requires drinking from that silver chalice of hope, naivety, dreams and ignorance at some point in the developmental process. Not that there arent a plethora of thoughtful and informed observers to offer opinion. At least one will utter are you crazy balanced with Im so proud of your initiative and enthusiasm, and diluted with are you hoping to make a living off this or is it like a hobby? Granted, it ultimately comes down to you and someone with a vested interest willing to make a leap from a plan to an action. You will hear horror stories of the rotten investments as well as the glorified wunderkinds that became overnight successes (often after a decade or two). No one goes into business saying, I will do this until I have blown all my money, been stressed to the point of a stroke and decimated my relationships with those close to me. However, these are not uncommon stages we all must endure to some degree. You must engage your family in the dream. You should develop relationships with strangers who can do things you cant. This latter point is a business philosophy even for major corporations: hire your weaknesses. Its cheaper to pay someone to do what they know then to struggle through trying to become expert in everything yourself. My best business relationship and still a dear friend, I met when I joined the Brantford Entrepreneurs Association. She was a start-up bookkeeper and we both were going to set the world on fire. She is still in business two decades later. And that leads to another critical factor in small business: develop and maintain a network of like-minded business people. You can learn a lot from their fumbles and flourishes. They are willing to listen when others secretly harbour the I told you so attitude. Full disclosure: I owned Dive Bell, the scuba sales instruction and service business for almost 13 years, primarily in the downtown. I went from a partnership, to sole ownership and incorporat i o n over that time. That location added a certain dynamic to the small business syndrome. On the one hand rents are cheaper for larger space, but uncertainty in downtown revitalization clouds long-term planning. You start to get comfortable with one municipal direction and it seems to blow up in your face. When I bought the building across from the Farmers Market, I was prompted in my investment by talk of great change coming to the empty Icomm building, perhaps even Mohawk College expansion, planned growth of investment in downtown infrastructure and a potential for other post-secondary development. The province created the Charity Casino despite entrenched political rhetoric. The city fixed the road, but put a centre median blocking westbound turns into my business without asking if it might affect my business. And Laurier finally opened with 39 students. Not what I would have called stellar support. Oh yes, and the municipally-operated Farmers Market lacked proper parking such that during their two day operation their customers clogged my private parking lot so my customers couldnt access my store. In hindsight, I thought I was benefitted by not having to pay into the BIA as an additional expense, but now realize they would have been invaluable as my advocate.

by John Bradford

Full Discolsure: I owned the Dive Bell, the scuba sales instruction & service business for almost 13 years, primarily in the downtown.
Further, the eclectic human condition of the downtown is also part of your business decision. I remember worrying about some individuals sleeping under my overhang out back of the store. As it turns out, their presence acted more like a security system discouraging others from damaging the place. They were treated with respect and responded accordingly. When the Charity Casino started and police presence

increased, these folks found other places to live. And then a guy drove up with a truck, attached chains to my back steel door and pulled it out of the frame emptying my entire inventory. Apparently the Charity Casino security cameras werent yet operational, so instead of identifying the criminals, my insurance went up. At the peak of my business, which WAS a hobby that got out of hand, we had over 8000 certified divers as customers. The store was committed to the community through Grand River events like Riverfest, the Cardboard Boat Race and chasing Rubber Duckys under the bridges. We facilitated worldwide scuba tourism and assisted the Brantford Fire Services with their Scot Air Pack maintenance. Then the world became fearful of travel in exotic locations and the economy made personal sport investment less appealing. One philosophy I still support was also instrumental in my eventual business demise. I encouraged others to develop their business interests in diving; figuring a network of former relationships would be helpful to us all. Unfortunately, so many began competitive operations, the market had become too diluted to support growth without significant investment. And that is when you measure your intentions with your familys needs. I will always carry a small business mentality in all my dealings, older and wiser, but not regretful. I drank of the chalice and still savour it.

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May 2012

This Mothers Day get mom something special. Choose from our selection of amazing candles, jewelled scarves, electric tart burners, garden decor, pottery, gift baskets to suit every budget and so much more 44 Holme St. Brantford, ON (entrance on Leonard Street) (519) 753-6374 www.serenitycountrycandles.ca

May 2012

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Page 7

Showcasing Local Talent

by Naomi Johnson How did you learn how to paint? How did you forget to paint? The words might have been slightly different, but the point Elizabeth Betts Doxtater was making is there. Its a question she has been asked all her life. For Elizabeth creating has been a constant; if you wanted the extra niceties in life, you had to produce work to garner the extra income. Elizabeth creates from her home at Six Nations, just tucked down the road from one of my favourite fishing holes. Her living room is adorned with paintings of corn husk figures and corn husk dolls (or what we in the art world refer to as mixed media pieces). From one wall a row of Indian corn hangs; each kernel a glorious colour of autumn. Corn is the inspiration, the foundation from which her works are produced. The dried husks bent, shaped, and sculpted into the desired form. The corn husk doll has a long tradition for Six Nations; the creation of dolls from husk is so old its impossible to speculate on just how long theyve been around. One thing that has remained a constant in the design of the doll is the absence of a face. I was told growing up that this was because it allowed the child to imagine any face and expression they wished. In more recent times, the dolls have gone through a transition from a childs play thing, to tourist curio, to genuine fine works of art. Elizabeths dolls are in this realm, often set in poses as snapshots of significant moments in Six Nations history. Each doll Elizabeth makes is lovingly adorned with small intricate bead work, beading that makes me dizzy and cross-eyed just to look at. Another element to Elizabeths work is with the creative use of the husk as a sculptural material, forming trees and fires to set the scene. The piece One Council Fire, Tecumsehs Dream features the famous Shawnee figure sitting cross-legged before a fire, beautifully adorned in bead work and fur, a fan of feathers in his hand. Tecumsehs people would have been displaced due to the burning of the corn fields leading up to the war of 1812. Perhaps he himself played with cornhusk dolls when he was a child. Two hundred years later, Elizabeths works are a testament to the importance of corn and the tenacity of First Nations people. Elizabeth will be exhibiting two works at Woodlands annual First Nations Art opening June 8. Naomi Johnson is a Mohawk artist from the Six Nations reserve. She is Currently on contract at the Woodland Cultural Centre, as Artistic Associate for Planet IndigenUS (August 10 19, 2012). Photography by Paul Smith, Photohouse Studio www.photohouse.ca

Li ghti ngB l i nd s Wa l l p a p erD ra p ery Pa i nt 4 0 5 S t. Pa ul Av enue, B ra ntford .

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May 2012

Why I Love Brantford

So its May (in case you hadnt noticed). Im done university, and Im still in Brantford. Whats the deal? Well, I will tell you. The following is an explanation of why I havent moved back to Toronto. Jump back to 2007. I was 17 when I applied to attend Laurier-Nipissing Brantford. Why this school? I liked the program, and I didnt really care where I ended up, as long as it justified me moving out of my parents house but still close enough to visit my family. August rolled along and I realized that I hadnt even visited this place that I would soon be calling home. So, early one morning, my mom and I drove the hour and a half from Toronto to take a peak at my future. I attempted to look optimistic with a weak smile as we entered the downtown area. The sight of numerous closed down small businesses made us both cringe; its a sore spot since my dad runs a small fish and chips shop in Toronto. Unfortunately, there seemed to be scant signs of life and I began to worry for my future. September came, and I moved all my clothes, my new laptop, and a few other things into Grand River Hall, and listened as some upper year students told my classmates and I stories about the city that sadly reinforced the fears I already carried.

by Becca Vandekemp

close friends got beaten up by eight other guys, and nobody in the neighbourhood bothered to call the cops, despite the noise. Only a couple months later, though, I began to see things in a different light. It began with my introduction to Why Not City Missions, a drop-in centre that primarily caters to homeless and at-risk youth. I met people, who care about the city and about the things that affect it. I had met people who care. As time went on, I met more and more people who not only cared but were passionate about, and devoted to, seeing positive change in Brant. The best part was, they were outside of my university community. Of course, there were professors and students, but there were also community organization managers, volunteers, politicians, religious leaders, educators, and proud Brantfordians. They changed my life. Whereas a long time ago, I didnt know what to say when asked about what I thought of Brantford, my answer now is instantly, I love it! It is simply

incredible to be witness to the change that is taking place, even in the short few years I have been here. Downtown, for example, has been completely rejuvenated, and at each event in Harmony Square I see more and more people coming from the North end, the county, and even out of town all together. Why? Because Brantford is awesome. Because my passion is development and community building, this is the perfect place for me. I get to be one member of the team of stellar people who care enough to sacrifice for good things to happen here. I am finished school, but I want to stay here. There is something cool going on in Brantford, and I want to be a part of it. What do you say? Think I can pass for a local? Itd be an honour if I could. Besides, I have to stay. Ive never seen the sprinklers in Harmony Square!

August rolled along and I realized that I hadnt even visited this place that I would soon be calling home
My perspective on Brantford gradually darkened as a person from my residence was jumped and drug dealers chased my friends and me. It hit an all-time low one night in 2008 when one of my

Were on a Mission From God

Brian(me): "So did you ask God about the move?" Sharlyss (wife): "Yes." Brian: "Did you get an answer?" Sharlyss: "Yes." Brian: "What did God say?" Sharlyss: "You're not going to like the answer! Did you get an answer?" Brian: "Yes. You're going to HATE the answer." Sharlyss: "What did God say to you?" Brian: "Maybe we should say the answer at the same time?" Sharlyss: "Okay - on the count of 3. Brian & Sharlyss: "1... 2 3 Brantford." Some historical context is important at this point. We used to drive around Brantford. Not in the let's go see what's happening in Brantford kind of way, but in the what a dump, let's avoid going there at all costs kind of way. This dates back into the early 1990's when we lived in Simcoe. My wife Sharlyss and a friend of hers, had come to Brantford to see a movie in the Market Square Mall and after the movie they were accosted by a couple of the locals. Sharlyss came home and, in a very matter of fact way, informed me that she was never going back to that city. So from that point on, our travel plans included carefully strategizing how we could drive around Brantford. We drove around it to get to Hamilton. We drove around it to go to London. We drove around it to go to Waterloo. Brantford was never again an intentional destination for us. Fast forward to the late 1990's. We had been living in Toronto since 1994 and we were now ready to relocate again. As was our custom. we prayed to get the mission from God. The conversation, after we prayed, is recorded above. Just so you know, the "1 2 3 Brantford" should be read, not in a happy, what a great idea God, kind of way, but rather an are you freaking kidding me God, kind of way. Perhaps right now you are thinking "Beattie, it's your first article in the Advocate, ease in a bit." Or maybe you've gone to, wow, this guy fell through a crazy tree and hit every branch - he actually thinks he's on a mission from God - and not in the cute, clich movie kind of way, but rather in the he thinks he's been talking to the invisible man in the sky, kind of way. Take a deep breath and keep reading. So, we moved to Brantford in the fall of 1998. Not long after the move, my parents came to town and after a visit to our downtown core they inquired if, in fact, a bomb had gone off there. As recently as October of 2006, Brantford hosted the production of the horror movie Silent Hill, with relatively little need to restructure our then horrific downtown. It is exciting to say however, that things are changing dramatically. Brantford is not a perfect city by any means, but it is significant to note that the narrative of the Brantford story is incredibly different now to what it was just a few short years ago. And the reason behind this is because people in this city decided to take ownership for the city and committed to the work to make sure it happened. The call is going out to people from our city in various sectors - business, politics, education, the arts, media and the church to come together and work together and it is happening. Our community is becoming a better place. There is evidence of this everywhere and the telling of these stories as heralded in media such as the Advocate becomes fuel to the passions of many, and the catalyst to bringing others to the transformational team. For those who missed the eighties due to lifestyle (i.e. you were there, but don't remember due to substance intake choices) or longevity (you weren't alive then), the phrase: "We're on a mission from God was popularized in the 1980's movie called The Blues Brothers. The story is a tale of redemption for paroled convict Jake (John Belushi) and his brother Elwood (Dan Aykroyd), who take on a mission from God to save from foreclosure the Catholic orphanage in which they grew up. To do so they must reunite their rhythm and blues band, The Blues Brothers, and organize

by Brian Beattie

a performance to earn $5,000 to pay the tax assessor (or at least that's how wikipedia describes the movie). Perhaps you're not as predisposed as the Blues Brothers and I am in describing your motivation for following your passion as a mission from God. Wherever you get your inspiration however, the truth is, to take your thoughts from a dream to reality will take a lot of time, energy, planning, money, cooperation and hard work. I posted the following two quotes as Facebook statuses after coming back from a two week trip to Florida in March. One - I am more convinced now than ever that there is a transformation happening in our city. This transformation will affect every area of Brantford. We have a strong city! Two - I am convinced more than ever that those who say city transformation cannot happen, will inevitably become the spectators who sit on the sidelines watching those with the dream, strategy and courage make it happen. We have a strong city! The response from people all over the city was a resounding YES to both statements. So, for the sake of a public statement: My name is Brian Beattie. I am a husband, a father and a Pastor AND I believe we have come to Brantford on a mission from God. Furthermore, I believe

we are here to participate in the transformation of the city. And I will be so bold to say that I believe this transformation will affect every strata of our city and will become (in whole or in part) a template for other North American cities. I'll give the final statements to Jake and Elwood Blues: Jake:"We're on a Mission from God" Elwood: "The Lord works in mysterious ways" Jake: "Yup!"

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May 2012

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Page 9

Bread and Cheese

In the village, there are a lot of people standing in line with their families. Today is like a homecoming for families living far away and for people who have been inside all winter, today is coming out of home day. The doors of the community centre open for the elders who are respected and given a seat inside. They are given their bread and cheese first. They had waited in line many times before, now they wave at friends and family as they go inside the door. I see friends from school, cousins, aunts and uncles. They say hi to my mom and ask, Is this your little one? My how shes grown. Mom replies, Yes this is the baby. I groan to myself, What is she saying? Im six, I'm no baby! Youd think theyd see how tall I am. Acting older would now seem to be the thing to do, but as the crowd got closer and closer to me, acting younger was the wise thing only the baby could do. Dad lifts me high above the crowd. Safely perched in his arms I can see all the way to the back of the line. Its a sea of faces all waiting with me, all for a big slice of bread and a big chunk of cheese. (From the book Bread and Cheese)

by Lorrie Gallant

When I was in high school I remember my nonnative friends would ask, So what are you doing for the May two-four weekend? I would tell them, Im going to Bread and Cheese. The common response was, Youre going to what? You stand in line to get what? You mean like the bread you eat? You get just one piece? Its been many years now but I remember the first time I asked my husband, who is non-native, to come with me. He said, You know, I just dont get it. People lining up for a piece of bread and a piece of cheese? I told him, Ya, and some even travel from the states and theyll wait in line for an hour, rain or shine! When we were kids we would wait in that line and then run around and get in it again! When I brought him for the first time, he got in line in total amazement of the people around him. He couldnt believe how many there were. I said hi to a lot of people I hadnt seen in years or at least since last Bread and Cheese Day. We stood in line until the parade went through and we all began the traditional shuffle towards the entrance. We get to the door and every mother

who has more than one child whips out the infamous white plastic bag that will carry that precious booty of bread and cheese home. My husband then tightly grabs one of our children and I take the other and like groupies at a rock concert were swept away into the crowd. We yell to each other as the current of people separate us, ILL MEET YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE! When we are safely reunited outside the building there is a total look of amazement on his face. Hes smiling with the look of someone who has just survived a double looped corkscrew rollercoaster ride. I think he passed through the line and came out a changed man. With bread in one hand and cheese in the other he looked at me and said, I get it now. Its not about the bread and its not about the cheese is it? I smile at him and, at that moment, every Bread and Cheese Day I had gone to flashed by. All the times I stood in line with my parents, with my sister and I running between their legs. I remember spending the afternoons at my grandmothers house with our cousins from Rochester. I remember playing at my other grandparents house in the barn with all the

Bomberry kids! It sure isnt about the bread and the cheese. Its about family, its about community and its about coming together for a day to celebrate. If youre from Six Nations then you have been raised on bread and cheese. And no matter where you are in the world on the 24th of May weekend, your heart will be here. Bread and Cheese, what a great holiday! A day off from school and a parade, all for a big slice of bread and a big chunk of cheese, a day of celebrating what we call Bread and Cheese. May 24th on the Six Nations of the Grand River Territory had been referred to as Victoria Day. The event of handing out bread and cheese began during Queen Victoria's reign in the early 1860's. It was in recognition and appreciation of the native's loyalty to the Crown during the American Revolution. This became a tradition funded by the Queen's Treasury, until her death in 1901. In 1982, it was changed to Independence Day. The Six Nations Band Council revived the event in 1924, and it became known as Bread and Cheese Day.

The Next Logical Step

A few years ago, I was at a meeting and was talking with a small group of people. We were discussing the downtown and the clashes between the University and the local community. Most of us were saying how disappointing it is that the groups are separated and how it would be so nice to bridge the gap. One man said that he disliked the local community and that he didnt see any reason why the two groups should interact. He even said that he hates when he goes to the library and people come and sit near him when they smell bad, are under the influence and are obviously homeless. I was stunned. I had absolutely no words to describe how big of a jerk I thought he was at the time. I didnt say anything to him then because I was too taken aback and I did not want to start an argument. I really wish I had defended the people he was talking about because I found it so rude to put people down, especially when they are going through a rough time! It really bothered me that he so easily judged those in need. I often think about him and what I wished I had said. None of us share the same experiences, so it always bothers me when people judge the actions of others they dont know. I think to an extent, depending on situations, both groups are simply on the life course they were raised with. People immersed in the street life may live that way because they are following what they know and how they were raised. At least in my case, I went to university because it seemed like the natural next step in my life because I was raised with that mentality.

by Alisha Haugh

The man was most offensive because he had such strong negative opinions about the community members he would see. However, he never bothered to get to know a single person. Part of the reason that I love Brantford is because I can walk around downtown and know so many people. Brantford has such a lovely, happy, close knit downtown community and that is the main reason I love this city! It sucks that the local and University groups can seem to have such an aversion to each other. Especially because Im sure that the situation could be made better with a little bit of kindness on both ends. The man seemed close-minded and I wish that he had just opened up a little and interacted with someone. Maybe he still would have disliked them, but then at least he would have given it a shot. Or maybe he would be able

to have a good chat with an awesome person! This doesnt just apply to those in university and those who hang around downtown but to everyone. So try and branch out and talk with someone you generally wouldnt. There are lots of places in the community to volunteer and meet some awesome people! If that is too much of a time commitment, then buy someone a coffee or just stop and chat dont wait for a kindness day or for a particularly awesome man in a red suit and tights (Captain Kindness) to tell you to be nice. Just do it! Be kind to each other because it makes for a better community... and kindness rocks!

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May 2012

Giving Youth a Voice

Chances are if you are reading a publication like The Advocate and you are a young person you already are active in this community. On Friday May 25th, the Brant Young New Democrats (YNDP) will be holding its 2nd annual Brantford Youth Leadership Conference at Freedom House, open to high school youth in the community. The conference is a non-partisan and free event which hopes to inspire young people to get involved and take leadership roles within their community, while honing the skills of the many talented young leaders who are already active in our community. Although the event is organized by the Brant Young New Democrats, we stress that it is open to all high-school aged youth who have interests in leadership. It is entirely non-partisan in its nature and is supported by people of all political stripes. Its purpose is to help develop leadership skills in all local, interested young people and not to push political opinions on the participants. Last years leadership conference was the first time that the event was organized and it was a successful day with many engaged youth attending. It featured many guest speakers from various political stripes and organizations in the community. The conference gave youth in Brantford the opportunity to meet and hear from leaders such as Mayor Chris Friel, community activist and (at the time) federal candidate Marc Laferriere, Captain Kindness Dave Carroll , and the winner of CBCs Next Great Prime Minister contest, Amy Robichaud - all inspiring individuals who took leadership roles at a young age. Group discussion at the end of the day was proof that participants were engaged, inspired, and motivated to become even more involved in their communities. With the great success of last years conference, we are striving to make this years Youth Leadership Conference even bigger and better. In order to reach even more youth, we will be inviting students from all of the local high schools and from several community organizations for the free and full day event. As two involved young people in Brantford, we believe that youth leadership is extremely important for the future of the community. Young people are the next leaders and decision makers of tomorrow, but we strongly believe that young people can, and are making an impact today.

by Madelaine Brown & Ryan Jamula

This years leadership conference will feature newly elected MPP Jagmeet Singh from Brampton, former Brant MPP and environmental activist Phil Gillies, 21-year-old Six Nations Elected Council Member Mark Hill, 25-year-old Brockville city councillor Leigh Bursey and many others. All of our presenters and workshop hosts are adults who have had their own experiences as young leaders. Some of the topics which will be featured at the leadership conference include volunteerism, social media, art and political activism. We hope that students will find these different topics interesting, engaging, and beneficial. Not only is the leadership conference an opportunity for students to hear from community leaders and activists, but it is also a chance for students to voice their ideas. We know that so many young people have incredible ideas and valuable opinions on issues, and we look forward to hearing their input and helping them learn ways they can effectively communicate and organize.

Young people can often feel left out or powerless when it comes to having a voice. Sometimes it can be difficult to feel that your opinion is heard and that as a young person you can actually make a difference. We want to prove those beliefs wrong. One of the main focuses of this event is to embrace the input that youth leaders have and put them in a room filled with those who are like-minded. Who knows what partnerships between young people can be created? Although when you are on your own it can seem impossible to create change, when joined by many others, people start to listen and change will happen. While we are looking for representation from each of the area high schools, we gladly invite any interested students to attend. Our goal is that students will leave the conference with tools and inspiration to become leaders and make a difference in their homes, schools, and community. So if you are a young person reading this and you want to hear from inspiring speakers, have the opportunity to participate in interactive workshops and meet other local young people we hope youll join us and help make this an annual Brantford tradition.

Dont Make Me Hit Somebody

Back in June of 2010, I made the trek from Toronto to Brantford to see Kevin Smith play in the Walter Gretzky Street Hockey Tournament. It was supposed to be a one day trip. Drive into Brantford, buy a few Big Macs, watch Kevin play street hockey, catch Kevin do a live SModcast (podcast with Scott Mosier) at the Sanderson Centre, and drive back home to Toronto. Then something funny happened - I never left. Skip forward to April of 2012, and I have been asked and have accepted the Vice-Chair position with the Tournament Capital of Ontario (TCO). This community-based organization is responsible for promoting Brantford as a recreation and sport tourism destination. It is the organization responsible for creating the very tournament that brought me to Brantford. It is the organization that provides excellence in tournament services and assists organizations who host sports events in Brantford. It is the organization responsible for redefining Brantford as a global thought leader in sport tourism. This year, The Lung Association has taken the lead in organizing and hosting the 6th annual Walter Gretzky Street Hockey Tournament at the Steve Brown Sports Complex / Lions Park from June 1st to 3rd. To commemorate this transition, I asked Tournament Capital of Ontario Coordinator Pat Shewchuk, Brantford Parks & Recreation, to highlight some of the milestones of this tournament. In 2007, the Tournament Capital of Ontario (TCO) Board and staff created and spearheaded the Walter Gretzky Street Hockey Tournament, to first recognize the outstanding contributions that Mr. Gretzky has done, and continues to do for our community, and secondly, to raise funds for the newly created Brantford Sports I n f r a structure Legacy Fund. Forty teams participated in youth and adult divisions during the inaugural year. In 2009, Kevin Smith, international film director, actor and producer, heard about Walter's tournament and decided to come to Brantford to play in the tournament. He registered five teams that were made up of his fans from across Canada and the United States. Kevin hosted his first live SModcast in Brantford at the Sanderson Centre; it was a sold out performance. In 2010, Kevin Smith returned to play in the tournament and this time, brought seven teams to play in the tournament. Kevin wanted to get Walter's name in the record books, so we decided to go after the Guinness World Record for the Largest Street Hockey Tournament. The tournament grew that year to 205 teams with 2,096 players and we broke the Guinness World Record for the Largest Street Hockey Tournament. It was a HUGE accomplishment for our community and for everyone involved. Walter was thrilled and grateful for all of Kevin's support. In 2010, the TCO was recognized by the Canadian Sport Tourism Alliance, a national sport organization, with the prestigious President's Award for breaking the Guinness World Record for the Largest Street Hockey Tournament during the 4th annual Walter Gretzky Street Hockey Tournament. It was a significant accomplishment for a community of our size in Canada. While I originally planned to attend the 2009 tournament to see Kevin Smith, it wasnt until 2010 that I would visit Brantford for the first time. I still look back at that decision and wonder how much my life would be different had I made the trip one year earlier. You see while I came to Brantford to meet Kevin Smith and Walter Gretzky, I happen to also meet someone else that would forever change my life. It was shortly after Kevin Smiths Too Fat to Fly incident with Southwest Airlines. As a result of the public humiliation, Kevin decided to rent a tour bus instead of flying for his cross-continent trips. So I arrived at Lions Park and staked out his tour bus patiently awaiting Kevin to exit. As I leaned against a building wall, I started chatting with fellow fans also awaiting an opportunity to get their favourite piece of memorabilia autographed.

by Robert Lavigne

Kevin Smith, international film director, actor and producer heard about Walters tournament and decided to come to Brantford to play in the tournament.
It was then that I first cast my eyes on Karen. She was wearing her: I have no job, no money, no car, but, I am in a band T-Shirt. Having recently called off a very expensive wedding engagement in Toronto, the last thing on my mind was to start a relationship in Brantford. My initial thoughts were to run away. Oddly enough, her reaction was to also run away that day. We parted ways and I joined some locals for a few beers at the Piston Broke in the newly revitalized Harmony Square. Little did I know that plans were afoot to get Karen to rejoin us. I would spend that evening sitting beside Karen enjoying the live SModcast at the Sanderson Centre. I left Brantford that night expecting never to come back, let alone call it my home a year later. In 2011, Karen decided to join the View Askew Girls (V.A.G.) team and play in the Walter Gretzky Street Hockey Tournament for the first time. That year I also got to meet Walter Gretzky for the first time. He signed my Team Canada hockey jersey with his famous words: Go to where the Puck will be, not where its Been, in traditional Gretzky Blue Sharpie ink. It was that year that I got introduced to the View Askew Street Hockey League. Even though Kevin Smith couldnt make the trip to Brantford, The VASHL contributed seven entries to that years tournament.

In 2012, I will be playing in the Walter Gretzky Street Hockey Tournament as a proud member of the View Askew Street Hockey League initially formed by Kevin Smith. I have been training for the last few months using the very trails that the Brantford Parks and Recreation Department, which oversees the TCO, are responsible for maintaining. I now jog almost daily and make a point of checking into foursquare at the famous Wilkes Dam. I update my Path and Instagram networks with daily pictures of the beautiful scenery that graces the Grand River during my cardio training. People around the world, on my social networks, get to see the wonders of Brantford that I get to experience during my training regimen. The Tournament Capital of Ontario Board and staff would like to wish The Lung Association much success with this year's tournament. I personally would like to welcome to Brantford the View Askew Vulgarians, the Leonardo Reapers, the Monroeville Zombies, the View Askew Girls (V.A.G.), the Funployees, the L.A. Mings, and the Hit Somebody HITMEN. While Kevin Smith himself has expressed an interest in coming back to Brantford in 2012, it is his fans who have committed their time and money to attend the tournament since 2009. It will be an honour to grace the Number 42 jersey as part of the VASHL Monroeville Zombies this year. I hope to see you all at the 6th annual Walter Gretzky Street Hockey Tournament at the Steve Brown Sports Complex / Lions Park from June 1st to 3rd. Who knows, maybe the big guy will read this and grace the net in Brantford with Puck U once again. Yeah Kevin Smith, I am calling you out to take on the Monroeville Zombies in a rematch in 2012. Dont make me hit somebody!

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May 2012

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Page 11

Conflict

by Tina Draycott

Problems are something I deal with every single day. In my job, I treat all problems like obstacle courses. When faced with a problem I go into warrior mode and try to suss out a positive resolution as quickly as possible. Problems are the bumps in the road of life. However, conflict is different. Conflict affects someone when it creates an issue of personal misunderstanding or moral unrest. For me, conflict is not pretty. In fact, if I had to give it a face it would be that of Medusawith the potential fall out of conflict being the snakes of her slithery mane. So how do we as a community, and I as a member in it, face conflict? How do we re-align ourselves after dealing with conflict and feeling that we have either lost, or had to give up, something in order to make that conflict go away? How does conflict handle ego and morality on a level playing field?

Politics, religion, race, gender, and sex issues are all regular guests on the conflict talk-show of life. What is the best way to deal with these issues without making enemies? However you look at it, having and dealing with conflict is truly a fact of life. Handling conflict is also representative of the person you are, and the person you are dealing with. Case in point: disagreeing with the way an idea was executed does not mean that I hate the idea, nor its original goal. Disagreeing with the way a situation was handled simply means I would have handled it differently had I been involved in the original implementation of the idea. Many times conflicting situations hold no bearing on the messenger or the message. We are all human and we all have the right to freely, without fear of reprisal, express our feelings. And sometimes I think that at its base level conflict is simply passion run amok.

Going further, if conflict is passion, then it is not pretty and certainly not fun. But it is interesting to watch how one handles conflict, allowing the outside world to gauge a persons morals, values, and respect for their fellow man. People who show respect without jumping to conclusions probably deal very rarely with conflict. Those who are the first to assume and attack probably deal with conflict quite a bit. I have personally tried the regular lines of abatement - turning the other cheek, agreeing to disagree, and even acquiescing on occasion in order to alleviate the tension in the air of a particularly uncomfortable situation. But even in doing things the situation still seemed upsetting. Through this all I have learned a very valuable lesson. Although we have our own views on how we run and handle our lives, we have help in dealing with conflict and it is this; conflict has

enemies. We can use Grace in the way we the execute resolution. Kindness in the way we turn the other cheek. Patience in the way we try to figure out different ways to say the same thing that will better circumvent insult or threat to those with whom we are having conflict. Conflict hates those things because grace, kindness, and patience hold no room for conflict. In fact, armed with those three virtues, conflict doesnt stand much of a chance. So tomorrow, be a warrior and practice using your anti-conflict artillery. Show grace under pressure. Be patient with those who disagree. Use kindness when asking someone to further explain. All it will do is take a few more minutes of your time in the now. I promise it will make a world of difference in how you feel in the future.

Taking a Stand
At a high school in Ohio on February 27th, five people are shot; 3 dead, 2 injured. At a university in California on April 2nd, ten people are shot; 7 dead, 3 injured. This list goes on it seems, each month with a new shooting making the news, never mind all the school violence which goes unreported or isnt considered drastic enough to make international news. When the Columbine High School tragedy happened, Americans and Canadians alike were both in shock and awe this could happen. Now, it seems while we are sad there is no longer an element of surprise, just that there has been another school shooting. Whats scary is this has become the norm, with the shock value only affecting those when it happens in their own community. It hasnt happened here, we are fortunate, but we must not forget how easily it could happen. Our high schools are full of the elements which allow a situation like this to occur. My own personal experience with bullying reached the point where I switched schools to try to get away from the worst of it. It started almost immediately, by those whom I had been friends with my whole life. The battle for popularity happens everywhere, but was never something I sought after. While those around me desperately sought the attention and acceptance of so many theyd just met, I paid the price as they could no longer associate with me, given I would be friends with anyone without prejudice. It was not enough however for us to no longer be friends. Soon, the verbal comments started when Id pass them in the hall; making fun of my clothing, calling me names which were beyond absurd for a quite innocent fourteen year old, or just making rude noises or gestures. Eventually, when they stopped getting the reaction they wanted from me, it turned physical. Simple little things at first, like bumping into me as they walked by, which would get more aggressive each time it happened, to purposely knocking me out of the way. It doesnt take long for this to go on until one just stops walking around in the hall and only goes where they need to be. Some of the tougher girls even liked to try to pick fights with me. Now for anyone who knows me, I am the furthest thing from a fighter. Sometimes I would hang out with my friends as they smoked outside, but when the physical provocations began, I felt forced to stay inside except to come and leave for the day. It didnt even take three months into high school

by Steph Paige

for this to carry over to the bus ride home. I went to St. Johns College and lived up by the Brantford Mall. In stereotypical movie style, the cool boys at the back of the bus seemed to live to make fun of me. Theyd call me fat, tell me I need to go on a diet or I looked like a whale, all of those lovely things a young girls self-esteem desperately needs (sense the sarcasm, please). Looking back, the absurdity of these comments is off the charts, given at the time I was 115lbs. and was thinner than most of their friends. Nonetheless, it had the effect I suppose they wanted. Their comments got into my mind, created the insecurities no young girl should have, and as a result, I didnt wear skirts, dresses or shorts for seven years. It wasnt until I was in university, grown up and really learning who I was as a person, that I realized how I couldnt let grade nine taunting continue to define me.

Theyd call me fat, tell me I need to go on a diet or I looked like a whale, all of those lovely things a young girls self-esteem desperately needs. (sense the sarcasm please).
At the time, I decided to escape their bullying by simply taking a different bus home. While it dropped me off further from my house, I was more than happy to walk a further distance than have to deal with the other kids. When the high school started enforcing bus assignments, allowing only students who had the right bus card on to their correct bus, I was actually crushed inside. I started to walk the almost five kilometre trek home, because it seemed like the better alternative. I even remember one winter day, it was a blizzard outside and my father had dropped me off in the morning, and in the rush of getting to school on time Id forgotten my coat. Five kilometres is not terribly far, but walking that distance in a blizzard with no coat is something that sticks out in your mind for a long time.

Many say these are the kind of things all high school students have to deal with and sort out, which unfortunately, for the most part, I agree is a reality. But what I cant get over when I look back at it all isnt what I had to deal with from the students, but rather from the teachers. The thing is, when youre picked on or bullied, at least in my experience, you develop a smart mouth to talk back with, which becomes your defence mechanism. Meanwhile, the bullies are sweet as can be in class. While the teachers were fully aware of who the bullies were and who was picked on, they did not care. All that mattered was while in class, if you were sweet and kept your mouth shut, you could get away with anything. If you had the smart mouth, to deal with the students secretly kicking you from behind or writing you nasty notes, the teachers would come down on you hard. The school allowed a system in which the bullying not just occurred and continued, but was essentially encouraged by the teachers. As all of this continued to progress and get worse, by the time I was halfway through my first term of grade 10, I made the decision I was going to switch high schools. Its a small town, yes, but to me it was still a fresh start in a better environment. And to be honest, it worked. I still experienced the ups and downs of high school and learning about the good and bad about other people through experience, but overall, I had an amazing time. I had great friends to hang out with, I went out on weekends to parties and sports games and concerts and anything else you can imagine, and when I look back on high school, unless I focus on the bad, all I remember is the good. A few years later, I ran across someone I didnt even know while at St. Johns, and in the midst of friendly conversation, she asked me how my son was doing. Funny that, it took years to learn that my switching of schools led to rumours that it was because I was pregnant. The fact that those people were able to bully me, even in my absence, did not surprise me in the slightest. At the time, it was the essence of who they were and who they continued to be even after I left. What I am so thankful for is that everything else in my life allowed being picked on to be, for the most part, a peripheral part of my life. I always went home to a family who would do anything to support me, loved me unconditionally and were on my side, even when I was wrong. I

always had the best of friends who I could talk to for hours if needed and would be there in a second if I asked them to be. And quite simply, I was always doing things to keep me busy, so my mind never dwelled on the bad things that happened. I try to imagine if I didnt have the friends and family I did, and my heart actually hurts thinking about how awful it would have been to feel so alone. Yet the reality is there are people who feel like that right now in our high schools who, as you read this, are absolutely dreading going to school tomorrow or on Monday. In the aftermath of high school violence, everyone always seems to be asking How did this happen? There are a million different answers to that question, but to me, it happens when people simply dont care. They dont care to say hi, they dont care to be nice, their peers dont care, the system doesnt care, their family doesnt care, no one truly cares until something irreversible has happened and they look to blame. Meanwhile the blame is equally all around. The two shootings I specifically mentioned are unique in that the shooter survived, not taking their own life or shot on site at the eerie end of the violence. It is my hope that beyond the need for justice, we will take advantage of their survival to take it one step further and try to understand. While I cant possibly fathom what could push someone from violent thoughts to committing indiscriminate violence, we can now ask those who have done so. My fear is their answer would be found all around us in our own community. It seems there has been so much increasingly written about bullying in the news the past two years, with celebrity campaigns such as the It Gets Better one. But bullying still seems to be an issue which people care most about either while they themselves, or their children, are experiencing it. We definitely need the campaigns to change the culture within the school system, but we cant neglect students external situation. Its the little things which people remember. Since I can remember, nothing warms my heart more than the hello or genuine smile from a stranger as they pass me. The little, seemingly irrelevant gestures that someone may so desperately need that day, and you could so easily give to them. Do it.

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