Horoscope dating blog I don't really know much about the zodiac but I do know about scorpios.

That's because I am one, so is my sister, my close friend, my daughter, lots of my colleagues and two of my exes now good friends. We are awkward unreasonable and irreverent, suspicious and tenacious but we are loyal to the end,whether you like it or not. However cross us and well you better keep looking over your shoulder til doomsday. I have read that we are amazing sexually but I think that's actually what exes have said as a sweetener to stop us accidently spray painting their cars or drastically altering their designer suits (who needs sleeves?falalalala). Scorps also have an interest in the dark arts and the occult but I think that's just another of keeping someone close (see I told you we would ALWAYS be together! How was death by the way? No you can't get rid of me that easily hahahahahaha...). To everyone else we are weird freaky freaks but we think we are how everyone should be...faithful, loyal loving caring protective and just a tad oBSESSIVE with a small "o" of course. If you can love someone who puts curses on your enemies, reads your diary and installs cctv in your place of work, wants to wear a vial of your blood around their neck and enjoys Halloween just a little too much then you and your scorpio partner will be very happy, WON'T YOU! Other signs of the zodiac? Not very interesting, I am not sure why anyone would want to date any other sign when you can be loved by a scorpio. Anything else must be ...just wishywashy. Aries- the child of the zodiac. I am not sure what that is supposed to mean, do they draw on the walls with crayons and jump in puddles or do they have tantrums and refuse to see anyone else point of view because they are right? I used to date a lot of aries when I was a teen but you know what I cant remember the bloody hell why. Maybe there was a shortage of scorpio teenage boys, I never met any. Taureans- home makers or just full of bull? The only taureans I have come across do have a tendency to share the mundane...recipes for soup,

regularity and quantity of bowel movements and what was in their hanky this morning. Not very sexy, unlike a scorpio. Geminis- two minds within one person. bloody annoying. Changing their minds like they change their pants yes yes but no no. Not like Scorpios who decide something and clasp it to their hearts with their bony skeleton fingers until they crumble into dust even if they know its bloody ridiculous. Cancerians- Cancerians love to mother people but they love people to know they are being mothered and be eternally grateful or be eternally emotionally blackmailed. fun eh? That pussycats bum face? get used to it. These fella they can sulk, man they can sulk unlike a scorpio who will be upfront and just write "arse" in boardmarker on your head when you are asleep and hide your phone charger. ( I have actually done that and after 5years I still have it) Leos-hear them roar. And watch them roar. like Alex the Lion in Madagascar they are the show and don't you forget it. I heard once that Leos being fire signs are frightened that scorpios will put out their fires and Scorpios are afraid that leos will make their deep waters turn to steam. Yeah right .I think that however protective Scorps are of their mates they can only stroke that mane for so long. Virgos- very organised very methodical very precise very................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Actually I can only recall two virgos and they were female and OMG they were ravers, but probably very orderly and kept lists unlike spontaneous crazy blood and guts scorps who try to forget some of the raving they have done unless its part of some vendetta. Libras- splinters in the bum because they sit on the fence. Forever weighing up both sides never reaching a decision and playing devils avocado. Very annoying because Scorpios know they are right and are just waiting for everyone else to catch the hell up.

Sagittarius- The archers. Always go too far. Scorpios on the cusp of Sagittarius go too far too. Its a saggy hairy ass thing. Sagittarius speak first then think apparently. Scorpios on the other hand spend so much time thinking (brooding?) that everyone else has left, its dark and its cold and even the kebab van has shut up. Then they go let down your tyres and put yr personal details and mobile number on an S&M dating website. Capricorns- the goat, grumpy cranky and moody. Attractive huh? Just add smelly and a tendency to eat people's washing and rubber inner tubes and you have a perfect goat. And they have their birthdays at Christmas. What other argument can you possibly need to sway you? Just give yourself (heart soul and every other organ, plus all your thoughts and every waking minute and any dreams you might have.) to a scorpio mate. You won't regret it. You wouldn't dare. Pisces- water signs so nearly as good as scorps..but not quite. Meant to take themselves seriously. Obviously haven't seen my friend Dawn on a night out shes a loon. I think shes a "pisces" as she has fish tattooed on her back, unless she just has a weird thing for fish. Aquarius- should logically be a water sign being the water carrier but they are an air sign...and boy are they full of it. Bouncy castles full. Full of guff and more dreams than the sandman. They aren't really into you, they are into what other people think of you. They have no loyalty, well not the kind that puts a plague of locusts through the air conditioning of that lousy ungrateful firm that sacked you or digs up the football pitch with a tractor when you get dropped from the team. No more than you deserve my love. weigh it up, guff or revenge? Easy isn't it?