Kevin Kelly PSY-1100 Wednesday 5:30 Personal History

As a point of reflection when analyzing your life we sometimes stand at odds with the truth. What are the important events in my life and what scale will I use to measure a success or a failure. If I measure against a standard of landing or walking on the moon your accomplishments may pale in caparison. Without a standard by which we can accurately measure, social norms become our stake in the ground. During this reflection of my life I will compare my development during the different age categories as provided in Invitation to the Life Span (Berger, 2010). My life started in 1963 in Berkeley California the second son and fourth child of my parents. My parents, both on second marriages came from conservative families in Montana where I would later re-locate until the age of eighteen. Infancy (0-2 years) My birth was complicated by an umbilical cord being wrapped around my neck and I was born as a blue baby. Given the time, (1963) the technology was pretty basic versus the capability of doctors and hospitals today. Arguably there was no lasting impact to my health my parents took me home. My home life was one of 2 working parents and most of my care was provided by people other than my parents. My sisters were old enough (from first marriage) that they could take care of me when they were not attending school. The majority of the daily care came from a sitter and a large Doberman named Suzy. My first two years were marked by

typical performance based on the standards of the time. This is the period in my life where I am creating attachments and bonds with the caregiver in my life. This was not my mother and may have been the start of my independent nature. This would have been driven from my lack of time with my mother and even developing an attachment to the care giver. Early Childhood (2-6 Years) My Growth and development after the age of 2 was one of discovery. We moved to a new home in Montana and my surroundings changed dramatically. Did this impact my development, it didnt seem to have a lasting impact as I was having a pretty typical childhood according to my sisters. The home life became more unstable with numerous bouts of drinking and violence I was moved to live with my sister. I dont recall this being a problem but I am sure there are some lasting effects in how I bond today. By the time I was five I started kindergarten while still living mainly with my sister. That summer I was hit by a car and suffered head trauma that caused a loss of most of my memory to that point. I still knew who people were but I couldnt remember things that happened prior to the day I was in the accident. At this point I would be described as a young very shy (at least until I know you) type of child with big ears and red hair. The shyness most likely stems from my environment with lack of positive reinforcement from my parents I will not develop the confidence I need. We tended to avoid my father because of his lack of positive feedback and abundance of negative feedback. As I look back at my siblings I see the lasting impact this has had on all our lives but mostly on my brother and sister. They didnt have the time away like I did with my oldest sister who was married and had her own house. The two environments were vastly different with one being extremely positive with all

the good toys like hotrods, motorcycles and fun times like camping and fishing. The other was a much less stimulating environment with a lot of time by myself or playing with my brother. Middle Childhood (6-12 years) I am now 6 years old and attending Washington elementary for first grade. I live at home more because it is easier to get to school because our house is very close. My sister lived in the west valley and I had to ride the bus from there, this was a little out of my comfort zone at this point so I preferred to stay at home. I liked school it was something I loved, the learning and being around a number of children was appealing. I was a good student but recall struggling with reading, must have been that country kindergarten near my sisters that was the problem. Any facility that would let 5 year olds drive snowmobiles and motorcycles to school is a problem. I am now spending more time with my father, spending a considerable amount of time in bars. I thought it was fun at the time playing pool and drinking sodas was pretty cool. We had a number of horses and I was beginning to become a cowboy by age 6. I started to ride in rodeos riding bulls and steers and began some idol worship for my bull riding coach. He lived behind the bar and my dad would pay him to coach me while he was drinking. As I grew older a little older I had a friend that was also in rodeo and I would spend a good portion of my summers living with them and riding in rodeos. My parents always gave me money to spend and gave families where I stayed money for food and gas to cart me around. By the fifth grade I am a two home person living at home in the winter and playing sports mainly football but in the summer I live with friends work on ranches and as we used to say riding anything with hair on it. By the

age of 12 I am now very independent when I am not home I rarely call home unless I need money. I could occasionally see my parents by going down to the country bar they frequented.

Adolescence (13-19 years) If there is such a thing as the deep end this is where I jumped in. By the age of thirteen I am now in junior high school the limbic system is active and the prefrontal cortex is obviously lagging behind. My home life is getting better my mother is becoming engaged in my life. Unfortunately she missed that boat as the egocentrism is ruling my life right now and there is only room for my friends. This is about the time girls enter into life and puberty is taking hold of our bodies. This is definitely a time I start to push boundaries and realize who I am and who I want to become. I even tried smoking for a while because there was a girl who I liked that smoked. As I read from the course work it was interesting to put the development with the actions that had taken place in my life. This is the beginning of the end for me being a cowboy and growing up to be a professional bull rider. By 15 I am a freshman in high school and have decided to get a degree in electronics. The days of being a cowboy are rare and nearly gone because my social life is now more important than traveling to rodeo every weekend. Sports and time with my friends are my life, I hang out with all different types of people and hate cliques even the ones I am associated with. I letter in multiple sports but never get my lettermans jacket, letters or pins because I am only there for the social aspects. High school ends when I am 18 and I leave the state to go to college 1200 miles from home 3 months after graduation.

Early Adulthood (20-40 years) College has been a great time meeting new friends, partying and getting an education what could be better. By 20 years old I am nearing the end of college and beginning to think of my future. In what state will I find a job, where will I live, what kind of friends will I meet? These are difficult decisions that sometimes dont offer the desirable choices one would wish to have. I was fortunate to have multiple job offers in different locations to choose from making the stress of this decision easier. I settled in Utah which offered a similar climate and great skiing much like I was accustomed to as a child in Montana. This was an easy and possibly the best choice to reduce culture shock on my delicate system while I grow up and relate to my new position in life. This is the point in my life where I lay out more of my life plan that I use as a guide to measure if I am on the right track. I am 28 now and the wild days are winding down, the career is becoming more important. The next few years are life changing starting with a marriage to a woman that already has children. My life changed considerably at this point, I needed to put an end to my self-centered ways and focus on the children and the family. This was probably not the smoothest transition in history and I could have used some professional coaching prior to executing this challenge. By the age of 40 things are going well with the career, money is not a big issue, and the kids are growing up. The girls are now at the age they can date and this is a difficult time for any parent. Middle Adulthood (40-60 years) This is the time in life that my kids are growing up and going through their own pains of life however exaggerated. This is a difficult time trying to know where to set a boundary and how

much freedom is enough to allow growth. I spent a lot of time trying to listen to problems and had to begin additional training to have these conversations with my children. This was an effort that was probably too little too late but between what I learned in class and from books I could control the situation so that the children did not. We also returned to church around this time in my life in a hope that some positive input in our childrens lives would help. It may have been church or prison because the children can push you to the edge if you let them. Fortunately children grow out of this phase quickly but it seems like a lifetime while it is going on. I am now 50 years old and starting to change the focus of my life. My career is probably at its peak and I am starting to consider retirement. My children are all grown now although some are still living at home and attending college. We recently lost one of our daughters to drowning and that pain continues to resonate through the family causing different emotions within each of us. Losing a child or sibling is a difficult thing as I watch each family member deal with the tragedy in their own unique way. We tend to dwell on our own loss or guilt rather than think about the loss of others or how this impacts a brother, sister or friend. Late Adulthood (>60 years) Finally something I will have to project and not reflect. At 60 and beyond I will be preparing for the end of my career I see myself with the same company. Working on the acquisition of a new company or even bringing a new company up to our standards and way of executing. I need to have a focus on my health with a regular workout program to stay fit and keep my body sharp. Continue schooling to keep my mind sharp and learning new things. As I look back on my life I

will recognize how fortunate I have been and also how much I still have to learn. I hope to spend the rest of my life learning new things, staying up to date with technology and never thinking I am old.

Bibliography
Berger, K. S. (2010). Invitation to the Life Span. New York: Worth Publishers.