Keys2SuccessfulBiblicalPoly - Improved

REVISED: Some Anthropological and Biblical Thoughts on Biblical

Christian Polygyny/polygamy. Some Keys to Successful Biblical
Polygyny
COPYRIGHT © October 25, 2003, revised 07/02/08 All rights reserved.
by R. L. Tyler elkanahtyler@gmail.com, oldeservant@excite.com,
elkanahtyler@gmail.com,
Elkanah21stCent@aol.com
P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763
This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer
networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so
inclined AS LONG AS IT IS NOT CHANGED.

In Memory of Joy Lynn Risker and Carol Lynn McIntyre

Please note that I propose to show you keys to successful "Biblical"

polygyny, not just successful polygyny. This document is most helpful if
used along with my document "Keys To Loving Unity In Poly" where
many basic and practical principles are covered for those who have a
"born again in the Spirit and Jesus" relationship with God. Here I will
just deal with the basic principles for experiencing godly success in
your Christian polygyny. The Christian polygynist needs to believe,
recognize and accept the fact that on his/her own and by his/her own
efforts he/she is completely unable to successfully and daily live the
life of a Christian polygynist that Jesus instructs them to live.

The person who has believed Jesus and what Jesus says in the Bible,
and has called on Him to save them from his/her basic incompatability
with God, The Most High Father, has called on Jesus to save her/him
from the penalty, power and presence of all that is ungodly in her/ his
life. Being adopted by the Father by Jesus, the believer has received
the Holy Spirit who enters the believer and lives the Life of Jesus in the
believer as the believer learns to yield to the Spirit. The believer is not
Holy Spirit possessed, but Spirit secured and Spirit indwelt, with the
Spirit able, ready and willing to work and will in the believer the work
and will of God, as the enabled believer turns over to Jesus her/his
body, soul and spirit to be used and worked by God's Spirit to do the
work and will of God. It is a learning process, this yielding to the Spirit,
and to our own hurt and loss we so often take back into our own hands
the reins of our life, getting in Jesus way and to often messing up His
work in and through us. Our hope and confidence is that He who began
the good work in us will complete it in us before we see Jesus again
face to face.
Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will
carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Colossians 1:22
But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death
to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from
accusation—
Jude 1:24
[ Doxology ] To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present
you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—

Now we know that naturally on our own our lives and our polygyny will
be characterized by sexual immorality, impurity, indecency, idolatry,
sorcery, drug abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, bad temper,
selfishness, divisions, dissensions, party spirit, factions, sects with
divisive opinions, heresies, envy, drunkenness, carousing, vainglory,
self-conceit, competitiveness, challenging and provoking and irritating
to one another.. (Gal 5:19-21). When Christ comes to
Live in us, His Spirit produces "fruit", the good works to which Jesus has
called His own children/disciples. He Lives in us by His Spirit and since
it is His Life, He is the One who has to Live it in us, producing His fruit
in us. The "fruit" He works and wills in us is gentle, kind, patient,
humble, respectful, well behaved, forgiving, enduring, optimistic,
compassionate and hopeful Love; joy, gladness, peace, an even
temper, forbearance, goodness, benevolence, faithfulness, meekness,
humility, self-control, self-restraint and continence. (Gal 5:22-26)

It is His Life and He is the only One who can Live it in you. Here are key
passages that show this principle:
***" [Jesus said] 1 I AM the True Vine, and My Father is the Vinedresser
. . . 4 Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me, and I will live in
you.] Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (being
vitally united to) the vine, NEITHER CAN YOU BEAR FRUIT UNLESS YOU
ABIDE IN ME. 5 I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in
Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, APART FROM
ME [cut off from vital union with Me] YOU CAN DO NOTHING [good and
of eternal value before God]. John 15
***"13. [Not relying on your own strength] for IT IS GOD Who is all the
while effectually AT WORK IN YOU [energizing and creating in you the
power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and
satisfaction and delight." Phil 2
***" 20 I have been crucified with Christ [in Him I have shared His
crucifixion]; IT IS NO LONGER I WHO LIVE, BUT CHRIST (THE MESSIAH)
IS LIVING IN ME; and the life I now live in the body I live by faith in (by
adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in) the Son of God,
Who loved me and gave Himself up for me" Gal 2 AB
***"8 For it is by free grace (God's unmerited kindness) that you are
saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's
salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves
[of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the
gift of God; 9 Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law's
demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what
anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory
to himself.] 10 For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship),
recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good
works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [God
working and willing in us to take paths which He prepared ahead of
time], that we should walk in them [God living, working and willing
in us the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to
live]." Eph 2 from AB
***"20 Now MAY THE GOD OF PEACE [Who is the Author and the Giver
of
peace], . . . 21 STRENGTHEN (COMPLETE, PERFECT) AND MAKE YOU
WHAT YOU OUGHT TO BE AND EQUIP YOU WITH EVERYTHING GOOD
THAT YOU MAY CARRY OUT HIS WILL; [WHILE HE HIMSELF] WORKS IN
YOU AND ACCOMPLISHES THAT WHICH IS PLEASING IN HIS SIGHT,
through Jesus Christ (the Messiah); to Whom be the glory forever and
ever (to the ages of the ages). Amen (so be
it).." Heb 13

Every family and society practicing polygyny must overcome the

problem of how the co-wives get along, and the problem of how the
half-siblings get along. Social Anthropologist Paul Bohannan Ph.D
declares that the "most successful instances are those in which the
content of both sets of relationships is firmly structured and where only
a minimum is left for the individuals playing the roles to work out on a
personal basis. A satisfactory structural relationship to fall back on if
the personal relationship fails seems to be vital.” <SA p. 110>

Jesus is the primary creator and sustainer of the structural relationship

in a godly marriage, and He works and wills His work and will in and
through the godly husband, who is given the responsibility of leading,
and in and through the godly wife, who is given the responsibility of
following and supporting. Jesus has established the basic content of
the marital and parental relationships. In the Biblical context, the
husband leads and teaches the family, having no right or authority to
make the wife submit, while it becomes the responsibility of the wife to
examine her husband’s lead and teaching to see if it is in line with the
Word of her King Jesus, and then if it is, her part is to willingly and
voluntarily submit herself to and follow his lead, he being one of the
authorities He has placed over her (Rom 13:1-5; Lk 22:20-30; 1 Pet 3
and 5; Ephes 5; 1Thess 5:21; Ac 17:11). The child's responsibility is
very much like that of the wife/mother. Without these partnerships in
the marital structure and content Jesus has provided, the success and
well being of a godly and Biblical polygynous family is doomed to
frustration or failure or both.

Marriage in and of itself is not a godly solution. It is a given that vices

and bad behavior can make any marital relationship bad/worse, while
virtue and good behavior can make any marital relationship
good/better. A marriage characterized by "love, joy, peace, unselfish
generosity, patience towards others, kindness, benevolence, good
faith, meekness, self-restraint" will be successful and a blessing to
those in it and those who see it, whether it be polygynous or
monogynous. A marriage characterized by “extra-marital sex,
favoritism, partiality, unkindness, impatience, impurity, indecency,
idol-worship, sorcery, drug abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, outbursts of
passion, intrigues, dissensions, factions, envyings, hard drinking,
riotous feasting” [Gal 5] and bitter selfishness is doomed or Hellish
whether it be monogynous or polygynous. Since these are the natural
behaviors of humans, it is no wonder that so many marriages,
monogynous or polygynous, are Hellish or miserably doomed. A human
marriage needs to be redeemed and transformed by and in Jesus as
much as the people who are in it, if it is to characterized by kind,
compassionate and unselfish cherishing Love.

Jesus declares that He who is Love, Truth, Light and Life can Live that
Life of "love, joy, peace, patience towards others, kindness,
benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-restraint" [Gal. 5], impartiality
and generous unselfishness in any person or marriage that is willing to
give up their own life and accept His Life in their lives and marriages.
The good news is that Jesus, who is Eternal Life, offers to Live His Life
through and in anyone who comes to Him relying on and trusting in
Him alone to make him/her fit to see and live with God the Father, the
Almighty Most High Consuming Fire (Deut 4:24; Heb 12:28,29, in
Heaven and eternity. He can do so because He is God, who was
revealed in a human body and He suffered the death penalty so that all
our sin and failures, which are consumed when exposed to He who is
the Almighty Consuming Fire, may be forgiven justly and removed. It is
an issue of compatability and incompata-bility, seen well in the
experience of Shedrak, Meshak and Abednego in the Book of Daniel.
The three were declared righteous by faith so when they were cast into
the fire, they had been made compatible with the fire and were unhurt.
The soldiers that threw them into the fire, having no faith in Jehovah,
were incompa-tible with the fire and were consumed by the fire. We
need to be made compatible with Him who is the Almighty Consuming
Fire, and Jesus is the only One who can make us acceptable to and
compatible with the Father..

“Even in societies in which polygyny is a working part of the social

structure,” the marriage of the polygynous wife usually is not a
pleasant one. As with the Way to the Father through Jesus, many are
involved but only a few find the way to have a pleasant polygynous
experience, even though Jomo Kenyata maintains that there are quite a
few among the Gikuyu of his Kenya who have a pleasant polygynous
experience< see 3 & 4>. In primitive and tribal societies the wife has
far fewer rights and privileges than men, especially husbands. Even
though the polygynous husband must share himself and his things, the
wife lands up having to share and give up even more. Whenever the
husband is with one of the other co-wives, she knows that SHE ISN’T
WITH HIM, and that while she has to go without marital intimacy during
that time, the husband is getting a whole bunch more than she is
getting. The natural wife will respond to all of this naturally, with
bitterness, resentment, anger and aggravated selfishness. The burden
on the godly Christian husband here is for him to live above and
beyond his earthly culture and behave as He is, a citizen of the City
and Kingdom of God, who has been renewed to live in the Way of
Jesus, to be kind, impartial, unbiased, equitable, fair and just in his
relationships with his wives, lest his prayers be hindered (1 Peter 3:7),
or he become weak, sick or dying (1 Cor 11:30-32). I believe that is
impossible for the natural man to live and experience godly polygyny
without Jesus.

“Even in societies in which polygyny is a working part of the social

structure,” the marriage of the polygynous husband usually is not a
pleasant one. If one wife can make life miserable for a husband, two or
more wives can combine their efforts to make life Hell on earth for
such a husband. In primitive and tribal societies this is the price a man
may have to pay to give birth to and raise his own “social security” for
the last part of his life, looking to his children to
support and care for him in his old age.<SA p. 108> In today’s reality
one co-wife’s infidelity can introduce STD death into the family, so the
wise husband’s need to diligently meet his ladies’ needs becomes a
matter of life and death for all the adults in the family.

In Paul Bohannan's Social Anthropology (1963), he indicates that there

are three critical relationships that must be right for polygyny to work:
1.) the relationship of the co-wives; 2.) the relationships of the half-
siblings; and 3.) the relationships of the half-siblings with the co-wives
of the family [SA p.106]. Kenyata wrote that extremely important to
these relationships is the idea that "sharing everything is strongly
emphasized in the upbringing of children, so when they grow up they
find it natural to share love and affection with others, for it is said that
'To live with others is to share and to have mercy for one another, .
."<4 p.291ff>
The 20th century polygyny of the Indian aristocracy<1> had an
excellent way of handling these relationships. A wife knew when her
husband took another wife. Each wife had her own dwelling where she
had privacy and could carry out her own nest building without having
to take thought of the other wife and her children. When another wife
was taken, the housing,
income, social duties/status and expenses of the senior wife/wives
were not changed. A senior wife would spend less time with her
husband if he took another wife, and she filled that time with her
children, family duties, education, job experience and/or her favorite
activities.

Half-siblings were made to understand that any half-sibling was a full

sibling as far as the father was concerned. Of course favoritism
poisoned these waters whenever it occurred. Half-siblings were made
to understand that their father's co-wives were to be treated as
"Aunties" who were always to be shown respect, and were to be
obeyed when the half-siblings found themselves under an "Aunties"
care and authority.

Jomo Kenyata and Bohannan agree that there is great importance for
"women in polygynous societies" to each have their own kitchens,
rooms and/or houses/huts, as in the Indian and African models. "When
all the arrangements are completed, he builds a hut next to that of the
first wife and then brings the second wife home.." <4, p. 290>. This is
especially important if there are any conflicts between the co-wives,
their separate dwellings giving each wife a safe conflict-free zone to
which she can retreat or in which she can feel safe and free of
harassment. The wealthier the polygynous family, the larger and more
comfortable and further apart their dwellings. Each co-wife cooks
separately, especially after she has children. The polygynous husband
either eats a meal separately with each co-wife, or he eats the meal
with all of them where they pot luck, with each wife preparing one or
more of the parts of the gathered family's meal. <SA p. 107>

Kenyata writes: "In a polygamous homestead the husband has his own
hut (thingira), in which friends and casual visitors are entertained. Each
wife has her own hut where she keeps her personal belongings. The
cooking also is done in it. While collective ownership is a fundamental
principle of the family group, the hut is considered as the private
property of the wife and it is entirely under her control. Each wife is
provided with several lots of land" for gardening <4 p. 290,293> "But
the duty of looking after the husband, such as cleaning his hut,
supplying him with firewood, water, food, etc., is shared by all, in turn."
<4, p.292>
Kenyatta continues: "Each wife is held responsible for what she
produces from the land and can distribute it as she pleases, provided
that she has reserved enough food for the use of herself and family
until the next harvest."<4 p. 291>. In the Christian family, 2 Cor 8 & 9
would be the guiding principle in the distribution of the income/crops.
"While the division of personal property exist between the wives, the
husband is the head of the family and the one who contributes his
labor power to all equally; he belongs to all and all belong to him. This
brings the division [of personal property] to one collective ownership
under his guidance." <4 p. 291>

Another reason for there being a great importance for "women in

polygynous societies" to each have their own kitchens, rooms and/or
houses, is because of the children of each of the co-wives. Each wife
having her own dwelling and play area for her own children greatly
reduces one of the biggest problems that has often doomed
polygynous families. That problem is the conflict that arises between
the half-siblings, who have the strongest loyalty to their own mothers,
a strong loyalty to the relatives of their mothers, and lastly a loyalty to
their father and his family. In the Indian princess' model and in my own
experience, it is best if each wife lives so far away from the other wives
that it is too far to walk. I believe it is best if each wife's
children go to different schools from the other wives, all with the aim of
avoiding sibling rivalry and conflicts in loyalties and authority.

One of the most divisive forces to attack a polygynous marriage is

when the husband’s children by one wife are in adolescent conflict with
the children of another of his wives. This conflict can seriously alienate
wives, and even drive some to leave the marriage and return to their
parents’ people. It is for this reason that when polygynous children
become adolescents that they begin to find work that supplements the
family income enabling them and their mother to get a larger area at a
greater distance from the adolescent children of the other wives.
Harmony
among the co-wives is far more important than harmony among the
half-siblings. The more personalities in the mix the more difficult it is to
maintain the families’ harmony.<SA p.109ff> Even though the
husband and wife/wives may have been renewed in Christ when they
married, there is no guarantee that they will have godly children.

Adam and Eve had Cain. David had Absalom. Israel had 10 sons that
betrayed and sold their brother. The sons of Samuel were a mess. So
since some of the children might be unsaved and under the harmful
and disruptive influence of the evil spirits (Eph 2:1,2), their own natural
minds, their body and its hormones, it wisest for a poly wife to live and
raise her school age kids away from the school age kids of the other
wives. As proposed in my document,
"USAUrbanBlueCollarPolygyny..htm", each wife should live out of
walking range of each other, preferably in different communities,
suburbs, town or etc. so that there kids will go to different schools. All
the kids and wives would be together for the weekly family
outing/picnic and potluck meal, preferably at a place where they could
be hassle free form outsiders. Each of my three ladies live in separate
towns, but since there kids grew up without being polygynous, all the
wives and kids don't socialize together, since most of the grown kids
strongly disapprove of their polygyny. Because of their culture, society,
church or family many must experience
their polygyny privately and discretely in a very personal way before
God. It's a 1 Cor 8 and 10 and Romans 14 issue, here paraphrased for
application:
***"19 So let us then definitely aim for and eagerly pursue what makes
for harmony and for mutual upbuilding (edification and development)
of one another. 20 You must not, for the sake of [polygyny], undo and
break down and destroy the work of God! Everything is indeed
[ceremonially] clean and pure, but it is wrong for anyone to hurt the
conscience of others or to make them fall by what [form of marriage he
is in]. 21 The right thing is to eat no meat or drink no wine [at all], or
[be openly polygynous] if it makes your brother stumble or hurts his
conscience or offends or weakens him. 22 Your personal convictions
[on polygyny] -- exercise [them] as in God's presence, keeping them to
yourself [discretely and privately]. Blessed (happy, to be envied) is
he/she who has no reason to judge her/himself for what [form of
marriage] she/he approves [who does not convict himself of sin by
what he/she chooses to do]. 23 But the person who has doubts
(misgivings, an uneasy conscience) about eating [something or
polygyny], and then eats [it or is polygynous], stands condemned
[before God], because he/she is not true to her/his convictions and
she/he does not act from faith [based on the Word of God]. For
whatever does not originate and proceed from faith [based on the
Word of God] is sin [i.e. whatever is done without a conviction of its
approval by God is sinful]."

We Christian polygynists are required to teach and preach the whole

counsel of God, like Paul (Acts 20:27), including polygyny, but we are
bound by the Word of God never to argue, quarrel, debate
***"1 AS FOR the man who is a weak believer, welcome him [into your
fellowship], but not to criticize his opinions or pass judgment on his
scruples or perplex him with discussions." Rom 14:1 AB
***"24 And the servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome (fighting
and contending). Instead, he must be kindly to everyone and mild-
tempered [preserving the bond of peace]; he must be a skilled and
suitable teacher, patient and forbearing and willing to suffer wrong. 25
He must correct his opponents with courtesy and gentleness, in the
hope that God may grant that they will repent and come to know the
Truth [that they will perceive and recognize and become accurately
acquainted with and acknowledge it], 26 And that they may come to
their senses [and] escape out of the snare of the devil, having been
held captive by him, [henceforth] to do His [God's] will." 2 Tim 2 AB

Bohannan indicated that for a polygynous family to work well there had
to be positive or at least constructive relationships between the co-
wives. Expectations of wives, co-wives and husbands need to be
clearly stated and understood well by all involved. There is a need for
clearly understood boundaries, turf, duties and obligations to prevent
misunderstandings and conflicts. A wife is considered a good wife if
she abides by and fulfills the "rules" of the family. [Bohannan p. 106]
The Christian polygynous family can be very successful if they all
accept and agree to Jesus' rules for their interaction and relationships.

President FDR's "poly family" with Eleanor and Missy <2> followed the
needed patterns above and even exceeded them. Around 1920 Eleanor
picked Missy to help FDR with his correspondence even though she
knew that Missy resembled FDR's former lover. Missy always was
grateful and respectful to Eleanor. She became indispensable when
FDR came down
with polio and Eleanor began to do his travel and public relations for
him. Missy became "surrogate wife" in Eleanor's absence she
supervised the house, the domestic duties, acted as hostess, and paid
the bills. As "surrogate wife" she supervised the children and gave
them their allowances, and they adored her.<2> pp.298ff

Missy was kind, "cheerful, attentive and encouraging" to all.. In

Eleanor's absence she would organize FDR's day, invite the guests,
“presiding over the dinner table." When Eleanor arrived, after friendly
and pleasant greetings, Missy would step back and let Eleanor take the
lead. Eleanor didn't feel socially threatened by Missy because she was
from a blue collar family. She greatly appreciated that Missy freed her
to do her philanthropic and social work. Eleanor sensed that Missy
loved FDR the man, and their marriage was safe with Missy. After 21
years in the family, Missy's health failed and she had a stroke that left
her crippled. Even though she was no longer an active member of
FDR's family he generously saw that her needs were met to the very
end.<2> p. 299-301>

As to the three critical relationships that must be right for polygyny to

work, the relationship of the Eleanor and Missy was warm, devoted and
friendly - gladly sharing the love and company of their FDR. Since
Missy never had children by FDR, his children became her children,
who
adored her, and there was no half-sibling rivalry. <2> p. 301

When polygyny works, the women develop a set of wife rules that
become the norm for the family. If a wife lives up to the wife rules, she
is esteemed as a good wife, usually whether or not she is liked by the
other wife/wives. The relationship between the poly wives of one
husband are commonly characterized by hostility, or cooperation,
friendliness or a combination of these.<SB p. 106> It is important to
note that hostility, jealousy, cooperation or friendliness or a
combination of these characterize most monogynous marriages,
especially if there are children involved.

Among the Tiv, during pregnancy's last months, the co-wife takes over
all the pregnant wife's duties (farming, cooking etc.), assists the
midwife in the birth, and assists of the new mother for weeks after the
birth. Conflict would deny all these benefits from the co-wives, so it is
avoided. However if the co-wife doesn't live up to the rules of the
family, she becomes the object of verbal fights and arguments because
she is being a bad co-wife, not because she IS a co-wife. <SA p. 106>

Of primary importance is the fact that polygynous co-wives usually are

NOT jealous if they have a good, devoted, impartial, fair, and just
husband, treating all his wives equitably/equally in the matters
"considered important by them." It is a wise polygynous husband who
finds out what matters are "considered important by them", and acts
accordingly. Secondly, the division of labor supports good and effective
polygyny, because the wives are aware that their burdens are
lightened when shared with others committed to the family. Thirdly,
especially in Africa, it is believed that a woman should not have
another child until her last is weaned, usually two years of age.<SB
p.107>

Usually when a woman becomes pregnant again she stops lactating, so

the baby needs to weaned before she becomes pregnant again. The
co-wife who has just given birth doesn't have to worry about getting
pregnant by her husband because his other wife/wives meet his sexual
needs, while her husband continues to have non coital sex with her. To
make this work
it usually takes two or three wives because when wife A gives birth and
starts breast feeding her new born, the husband is having coital sex
with wife B even after she becomes pregnant. When wife B gives birth,
wife A is in her 9th+ month of nursing, so while wives A & B are
nursing and having non coital sex with him, he is having coital sex with
wife C. If there is no wife C, he resumes coital sex with wife A, while
wife B takes over the breast feeding of wife A's baby and her own baby.
A third wife is a blessing to the family when either wife A or wife B is
unable to breast feed.

Breast feeding each others' children bonds the wives to each other's
children, and the children to each of the wives. This is extremely
important in the relationship of the co-wives and their children. The
babies get two overlapping sets of antibodies from each mother during
the breast feeding. The babies have no lack of mother milk. The
husband’s wives have no lack of coitus and children. The burden falls
on the husband to provide non coital sex while the mothers are
lactating, but with his good foreplay/massaging, his oral stimulation of
her nipples with his digital stimulation of her clitoris, vagina and G
spot, the non coital wives have no lack of orgasms and ecstasy. The
women take turns having coitus and breast feeding each other's
children. Remember that condoms have a 12% failure rate in
preventing pregnancy and cannot be relied upon to prevent pregnancy.
With three wives each wife could, in turn be available for marital sex
for 9 months and at least 18 months free from sex for breast feeding. If
there were four wives, each wife could be free, in turn, from sex for 27
months of breast feeding.

Another related need for co-wives in primitive societies is the female

death rate in giving birth. It was all to frequent that a tribal mother
would die in child birth and a co-wife would have to "adopt" the
orphaned child. It is noted that “boys die more readily in childhood and
early adulthood than do girls.” <SA p. 109> The average male would
die in his 40s, while the average female would die in her 30s. With men
not marrying until their mid-twenties by which time they could support
a family, many had died off from illnesses, war, hunting accidents etc.
With women marrying from age 15 on, many died while giving birth,
from illnesses etc. So even though the society had the same number of
males and females being born, by the age 25 there were more
marriageable women than marriageable men. <SA p.109>

Bohannan declares that he has known and known of tribal wives "who
made the initial arrangements for a congenial girl and brought her
home to be her husband's new wife because they wanted the
companion-ship and help of a good co-wife." He declares that the
wisest polygynist husbands let his wife/wives have a big say in the
taking of a new wife, "for no matter how much a woman likes a man,
she is not likely to stay with him if she does not like his other women."
If she finds herself in the midst of a congenial group of co-wives, "she
may put up with a lot from a husband" and stay in the marriage. <SA
p.107>

Kenya's famous Jomo Kenyata asserts that soon after giving birth, a
polygynist's wife will begin to encourage him to have another wife, "a
companion (moiru)" for her. This "companion" wife would free her from
daily chores so she can spend more time caring for the baby. The
companion wife would help with the groceries, entertaining guests,
gardening and of course give the first wife freedom from her husband's
sexual advances and aspirations. <4, p 289ff>

Jomo Kenyata <3 & 4> wrote that among the Gikuyu a man "may
have as many wives as he can support" <4, p 288> and his tribe
encouraged this, believing "that the larger the family is the happier it
will be." <4, p. 289) Love of wives and love of children encouraged the
polygyny. The hard facts were that there was an average of two wives
to every family
<4, p.. 290>. Of course the more wives he has, the less the quality or
content of the relationships, both with the wives as well as with the
children. ". . . the husband is the head of the family and the one who
contributes his [sexual] labor power to all equally; he belongs to all and
all belong to him." <4 p. 291> This belonging is found in the Bible in 1
Cor 7:
***"3 to the wife the husband should render the due benevolence, and
in like
manner also the wife [should render the due benevolence] to the
husband; 4 the wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own
body, but the husband [has that authority]; and, in like manner also,
the husband does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but
the wife [has that authority]..

It is critically important to "retain the quality or content of the

relationship" when the "number of similar relationships" is increased.
<4, p.292> The failure to do this is what internally doomed Mormon
polygyny, according to Mormon women. <SA p.108> The African and
Asian polygynist came much closer to the model given by
Jesus/Jehovah to Israel in Ex 20
& 21:
***Ex 20:22 And Jehovah said to Moses, Thus shalt thou say to the
children of Israel: Ye have seen that I have spoken with you from the
heavens. . . . 21: 7 And if a man shall sell his daughter as a handmaid,
she shall not go out as the bondmen go out. 8 If she is unacceptable in
the eyes of her master, who had taken her [as wife] for himself, then
shall he let her be ransomed [to her parents]: . . . 10 If he take himself
another, her food, her clothing, and her conjugal rights he shall not
diminish. 11 And if he do not these three things unto her, then shall
she go out free without money.

The quality of the intimate, marital and sexual content of the marital
relationship is given structure and content by God Himself.
***" Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain
life which He has given you under the sun--all the days of futility. For
that is your portion in this life and in your work at which you toil under
the sun." Eccles 9:9
***"18 Your fountain/genital should be blessed, and take pleasure in
the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful fawn- her breasts
should always satisfy you; lose yourself in her loving forever. 20 Why,
my son, would you be infatuated with a forbidden woman or embrace
the breast of one who doesn't belong to you? Prov 5 from HB
***"2 But because of sexual immorality, each man should be [sexually]
having his own wife, and each woman should be [sexually] having her
own husband. 3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty [Ex 21:10] to
his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. 4 A wife does not have
[sexual] authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally, a
husband does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but his
wife does. 5 Do not [sexually] deprive one another— except when you
agree, for a time, to devote yourselves to fasting prayer. Then come
together again [sexually]; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of
your lack of self-control." 1 Cor 7 HB

So we see that the husband is commanded to have blessedly happy

sex taking pleasure in his wife, to satisfy himself with his wife's
breasts, and to keep on losing himself emotionally in her sweet and
sexy loving. We see that both are to be sexually having each other on
an ongoing
basis to avoid sex sin. We see that they both have sexual authority
over each other's bodies, and that they are not to deprive each other
sexually except by mutual agreement to devote themselves to fasting
prayer, that after the agreed upon fasting prayer is completed they are
to resume ongoing sexual relations. In polygyny when one has several
wives, who for some reason all want to exercise their sexual authority
over his body in one evening, being intimate with each alone in an
order agreed upon by all, or by lots if agreement is not possible, the
husband might be able to do no more than present his body to his wife
for her to do with him what she wants. He may be completely
exhausted and unable rise to the occasion, but he is expected to
joyfully present his body to her and it is still her right and responsibility
to bless his genital, present her breasts (prepared with edible oils and
scents) for his satisfaction, and let loose on him her sweet loving even
if she has to be on top and provide most of the action. The word for an
exhausted husband in such circumstances is the Word in 2 Cor 8:12
***"If you want to give, your gift will be accepted. It will be judged by
what you have, not by what you do not have."

As to retaining "the quality or content of the relationship", if Sam takes

Beulah to be another wife in his family with Safronia, his first wife, he
won't diminish Safronia's food, clothing or conjugal rights/time (Ex
21:10). Hopefully Safronia feels congenial with Beulah, giving Sam
credit for a little bit of wisdom marrying her with Safronia's consent. So
if he had kept Safronia well fed, well clothed, and had an hour of
intimate aloneness (free from the children etc) before sleep with her
almost every evening, he would need to continue feeding Safronia well,
clothing her well, and having their hour of intimate aloneness before
sleep almost every weekend after Beulah had joined the family as his
new wife. That would mean that Beulah and Sam would have to work
around Safronia's preexisting schedule, unless Safronia was gracious
enough to give Beulah some of her time slots with Sam.

If Sam has an 8 to 5 M thru F job, with a 30 minute commute both

ways, and he goes to sleep at 10 pm to get up at 6 am, then he has to
carefully manage his intimate time with his wives. He has only four
hours each evening, really three after figuring in eating and preparing
for bed.
If Safronia has him from 9 to 10 almost every evening, then he needs
to be with Beulah in "intimate aloneness" from 7:30 to 8:30 most
evenings, with Safronia caring for the kids including Beulah's, except
when they can have the 9 to 10 slot. The co-wife not with Sam would
have “Kid Duty”, including the kids of the co-wife who is alone with
Sam. He would take turns sleeping with each one, decided by need,
vote, casting/drawing lots or the flip of a coin. Between Beulah and
Safronia, the one with the most/youngest kids would stay home, be full
time mom and home school as much as possible. The one with the
fewest/oldest kids would join the work force and help support the
family financially.

If he were young enough, strong enough, brave enough and rich

enough, Sam might
take on another wife, Abigail. Hopefully he would have had enough
sense to let Beulah and Safronia pick Abigail, or at least to make sure
they could get along with her when together and have enough respect
for each other to live together harmoniously. At this point, if he is a
blue collar worker, or in the lower middle class, he would either have to
make every effort to be alone and intimate with Abigail from 6 to 7
each evening after a quick meal, or he would have to scale back his
work to 75% time, so that he can have quality and intimate time with
each wife.

An alternative scheduling in a two wife polygyny, could be for Sam to

be with each wife three nights a week, with one night off for rest and
recovery, or given to one of the wives by drawing lots. In a three wife
polygyny, Sam could be with each wife two nights a week, and the
seventh night could be for rest and recovery, or for one of the three
wives by lottery or agreed upon rotation. If at all possible, Jomo
Kenyata makes a good case for Sam to have his own place, where he
could host and entertain his relatives and/or male friends, and where
the whole family could meet together on "neutral ground" for potlucks
and fellowship, like seeing an agreed upon movie or concert or
performance. If Sam doesn't have his own place, then he would need
to have a place for his own stuff in the dwelling of each of his wives.

The co-wives not having "intimate alone time" with Sam would be
watching the kids, including Abigail's kids. This means that when
Abigail becomes a member of the family, the one with the youngest
children stays home with the kids and home schools them while the
rest of the adults and children over 16 work for pay to help support the
family. The children under 16 would help with the care of the children
at home, with the home schooling and with the chores of the house.
Sam, Abigail, Beulah and Safronia would need to be agreed as to the
“rules and structure” of the family, and how to resolve conflicts, using
Jesus' guidelines given in Gal 6:1; 2 Tim 2:24-26; and Matt 18:15-17.
Abigal, Beulah and Safronia would each need to have their own
dwelling, for cooking, living and sleeping. Please see my file “Urban
Middle Class Poly in a Poly Hostile Society” for more details on the
economics and logistics of such Biblical polygyny in modern and
western societies/cultures.

The godly Christian goal in Biblical Christian polygyny is experiencing

the unity of the Spirit in the bond of Peace:
***"1 I THEREFORE, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to and beg you to
walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you have been
called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God's service,
2 Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility)
and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness),
with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances
because you love one another. 3 Be eager and strive earnestly to
guard and keep the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the
Spirit in the binding power of peace.
***"Psalm 133
A Song of Ascents. Of David.
1 BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell
together in unity! 2 It is like the precious ointment poured on the head,
that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first high
priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his garments
[consecrating the whole body]. 3 It is like the dew of [lofty] Mount
Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for there the Lord
has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon the high
and the lowly].
If polygyny in Africa, the Mid East and Asia were experienced this way,
we would not find so many people, especially women, leading the
movement to abolish polygyny in many of their countries. If a country,
culture and/or society practicing polygyny refused to grant reasonable
rights and protections for each wife, then it is only reasonable that
women should oppose such polygyny where the men hold all the rights
and power and the women are second class citizens. It is understood
that Christians, being citizens of the City and Kingdom of God, are
subject to His higher Way in their marriages and the wives have all the
rights and privileges given them in the Bible. Sadly the vast majority of
people are not Christians and so live by lower standards, many that
don't give women their due rights. Given these sad facts, there still
remains a good case for polygyny in today's world.

On the average in the world today there are 98.6 women for 100 men
(Sources: Wistat, United Nations). Sounds good for the women, right?
Due to war, violence, gangs, disease, incarceration and homosexuality,
there are far fewer men than women interested in and willing to
commit to marriage in many of today’s countries and societies. This is
especially true in societies ravaged by these plagues, like S. E. Asia,
Japan, Korea, Sudan, Congo, Uganda, Kenya, South Africa and parts of
Europe. Statistically the single woman alone is far more vulnerable
than the single man alone, and the single mother is doomed to the
deepest poverty and hardest life of all, especially in poor and/or tribal
societies, i.e. most of the world. So for the sake of survival in such
conditions, polygyny with a good, kind and loving man is a better
option for the woman than prostitution, sex slavery, sexual perversion,
rape, abuse, and living on the edge of starvation. It is better for two
good women to share one good man, than for a good woman to fall in
to sin or desperation, or marry monogynously and have her own jerk.

My friend Lua, had to prostitute herself to over 100 men to be able to

feed and clothe herself and her children while they were refugees and
in the Vietnamese refugee camps. There was no work available, and
the stronger men got more of everything than the weaker women. This
left the women in the position of having to submit to relationships with
those men on the men’s terms. She and her children finally made it to
America miraculously by the grace of God.

If polygyny is chosen to be used to deal with a situation where there

are more women available for and willing to commit to marriage than
there are men who are available and willing to commit to marriage, it
needs to be examined and understood well if it is to be practiced well.
This situation is being found not only in war and disease ravaged Africa
and SE Asia, but also in countries like the USA, where this imbalance
between marriageable men and women is most noticeable in the Afro
American, Native American and Christian communities. It is sobering to
visit most American churches, especially Afro American churches, and
see that by age 25 there are two women for every one man who is
interested in and willing to commit to marriage. By age 35 the average
ratio has changed to three to one. By age 45 the average ratio has
changed to four to one. At one well attended and supported Southern
Baptist church full of middle class EuroAm people in Southern
California, there were five such women for every one such male by age
55. It was embarrassing to see the desperate loneliness of the women
and arrogant cockiness of the few males for whom they were
contending.. Consider the following statistics.

From http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml, we learn

that
**31.3% of males over 15 have never married
**25.1% of females over 15 have never married
Since more men than women never marry, that clearly shows that
there will not be one John for every Jane, and the only hope of every
Jane having a John is not in the American way of marriage but in Jesus
and His ways as opposed to our ways.
**9.2% of all households are run by single moms, and are therefore
bereft
presenting the ministry need of James 1:27.

Even in pseudo Christian organizations like the UU the ratio is

Male 43.1% 1999 -2003
Female 56.9% 1999 - 2003

Many Christian singles ministries have a ratio of

38% male, 62% female
[http://www.creativeye.com/singles/stats.htm].

Throughout the Presbyterian Church (USA) 59 percent of members are

female and 41 percent are male. ...
[http://www.pcusa.org/research/compstats/hendrick-r.htm]

"Podles cites a deluge of statistics: in 1986, church-growth expert Lyle

Schaller observed 60 percent female to 40 percent male churchgoers,
a split that has widened since. Jesuit theologian Patrick Arnold says he
has found a female-to-male ratio ranging from 2:1 to 7:1, and "some
liberal Presbyterian or Methodist congregations are practically bereft of
men." Even in
churches that have an all-male ordained leadership, the inner circle of
laity who actually run things is likely to be mostly female. Sociologist
Edward H. Thompson states that "throughout all varieties of black
religious activity, women represent from 75 to 90 percent of the
participants." These are observations based on attendance, but the
last time a census of membership by gender took place was 1936.
Even back then, women outnumbered men across denominations, with
Pentecostals almost 2 to 1."
[http://www.ctlibrary.com/ct/1999/may24/9t6070.html]

Because polygyny was incorrectly condemned as being contrary to

Scripture, most of these marriage seeking women fall into the sins of
adultery, sex outside of marriage, sex outside of THEIR own marriage,
sinful lust, sinful self-stimulation using pornography, and the sin of
lesbianism. There are obviously not enough "Christian" men for
Christian women. That being the case, Christian women who want to
marry too often choose to do one or more of the following which are
clearly sinful:
1. Marry the unsaved (2Cor 6; Malachi 2)
2. Marry carnal "Christians" snared in sin (2 Thess 3:6-14; 1 Cor 5:11)
3. Have sex outside of marriage (Ezek 23; Prov 5; 1 Cor 6)
4. Become lesbians (Rom 1:20-30)
5. Lust, i.e. desire what is forbidden by God, and do sex sin in their
minds or with pornography (Matt 5:28; Ezek 23)
6. Self-stimulate thinking of sex sin (Mat 5:28; Ezek 23)

Christian women wanting marriage who are snared in these sins,

like the younger widows of 1 Tim 5:14, are under God's command
to be married, according to 1 Cor 7:
"2 But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality,
each [man] should be having his own wife and each [woman] should
be having her own husband. . . . 8 But to the unmarried people and
to the widows, I declare that it is well (good, advantageous, expedient,
and wholesome) for them to remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if they
have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should marry.
For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured
continually with ungratified desire]." from AB
"1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for
a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2 But because of
the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should be having his
own wife and each woman [should be having] her own husband. . . .
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to
remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not exercise self-control [to
abstain from sex sin], they should marry. For it is better to marry
than to burn with passion."

Since so many "Christian" women who fall into one or more of the
six sex snares listed above, it is no surprise that they don't have
the abiding joy of the Lord in their hearts and on their face. When
a "Christian" sister becomes snared in one of the six listed above
the Word tells us that her prayers are hindered (Isa 59:1-5) and
that her prayers are not answered (1 John3:22). We can be sure
that if the Lord chastened/disciplined with weakness, sickness
and even death (1 Cor 11:20-32; Malachi 2:8-12) the rich Christians
who offendedand grieved the poor Christians, then we know that
He who haspromised to chasten/discipline His children (Heb 12) will
also discipline His daughters who become snared in one or more
of the six snares listed above. It is hard to have the joy of the
Lord in your heart and on your face when you are aware that you
are estranged from Jesus, your prayers are unanswered, you are
weak or sick or dying. Surely it is better to obey the Lord and marry
a genuine godly Christian even if it is not with someone your prefer.
***"8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to
remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not exercise self-control [to
abstain from sex sin], they should marry. For it is better to marry
than to burn with passion." 1 Cor 7

What if a "Christian" woman sinned by marrying an unsaved man

or carnal "Christian" who was walking in their flesh? Like Jonah she
will experience being in the "belly of a whale" with all its discomfort
and unpleasantness, as the Lord chastens/disciplines her for disobeying
Him and marrying such a man. Divorcing such a man is not an option
for a genuine Christian woman as long as he wants to live maritally
with her, and temporary separation is an option (1 Cor 7:12-14). Once
she repents of her sin in godly sorrow, renouncing and abandoning her
rebellion and disobedience, agreeing with Jesus about her sin, then
she is restored to full fellowship and reunion with Jesus and the fruits
of the Spirit, including the joy of the Lord. Her renewed relationship with
Jesus finds her in a very difficult and demanding situation, married to an
unsaved man or a sinning "saint". Her life now is that of 1 Peter 2:13 -
3:6 and the only way she can do it right is by calling on Jesus to work and
will it in and through her, for surely it is a superhuman calling and walk with
success made possible only by Jesus.

Christian women wanting marriage who are snared in these sins, like
the younger widows of 1 Tim 5:14, are under God's command to be
married, according to 1 Cor 7:
***"2 But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid
immorality, each [man] should be having his own wife and each
[woman] should be having her own husband. . . . 8 But to the
unmarriedpeople and to the widows, I declare that it is well (good,
advantageous, expedient, and wholesome) for them to remain [single]
even as I do. 9 But if they have not self-control (restraint of their
passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame
[with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desire]." from
AB
***"1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good
for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2 But because of
the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should be having his
own wife and each woman [should be having] her own husband. . . .
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to
remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not exercise self-control [to
abstain from sex sin], they should marry. For it is better to marry than
to burn with passion."

Biblical Polygyny (Ex 21:7-11; Deut.21:15-17 and 25:1-5; Ezek 23) is

never condemned in Scripture, and is never declared to be sin in
Scripture, while all of the sins listed in the preceding sentence are
clearly, specifically and explicitly condemned in Scripture. So when
they have come under God's command to marry, they don't recognize
Biblical polygyny as an acceptable option. Well have “religious”
Christians made of no effect the Word of God in the lives of these
“Christian” women by teaching their own doctrines and traditions
about Biblical polygyny as if THEY were the Word of God (Mark 7; Matt
15). The "Christian" church has failed tragically to meet the needs of
the bereft women, and the church's rejection of polygyny
has made it almost impossible for these bereft women to have their
needs met in a godly and Biblical way. Let me explain.

If you haven't already noticed, most "Christian" churches have failed to

practice James 1:27
***" 27 External religious worship [religion as it is expressed in
outward acts] that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God the
Father is this: to visit, help and care for the bereft, orphans and
widows, in their affliction and need, and to keep oneself unspotted and
uncontaminated from the world."

In chapter 6 of the book of Acts you see the early church carefully and
diligently visiting, helping and caring for the bereft. 2 Cor 8 indicates
how believers are to meet the needs of such needy people, much like
the way they did it in Acts 2 and 4.
***"12 For if the [eager] readiness to give is there, then it is acceptable
and welcomed in proportion to what a person has, not according to
what he does not have.13 For it is not [intended] that other people be
eased and relieved [of their responsibility] and you be burdened and
suffer [unfairly],14 But to have equality [share and share alike], your
surplus over necessity at the present time going to meet their want
and to equalize the difference created by it, so that [at some other
time] their surplus in turn may be given to supply your want. Thus
there may be equality, 15 As it is written, He who gathered much had
nothing over, and he who gathered little did not lack."

The Lord's instructions in Deut 25 regarding meeting the needs of

widows are found again in 1 Tim 5:14 and 1 Cor 7:8,9; where we see
the younger widows under command to marry.
***"14 So I would have younger [widows] marry, bear children, guide
the household, [and] not give opponents of the faith occasion for
slander or reproach." 1 Tim 5 AB
***"8 But to the unmarried people and to the widows, I declare that it
is well (good, advantageous, expedient, and wholesome) for them to
remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if they have not self-control
(restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry
than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with
ungratified desire]." 1 Cor 7:8,9 AB

Many Christian men have seen the need and are aware of the fact that
there are far more Christian women willing and available for marriage
than there are Christian men who are willing and available for Christian
marriage. Yet seeing the need of the needy women they fail to meet it,
in part because of the "church's" ungodly rejection of Biblical polygyny,
which is a tremendous deterrent to meeting the needs of the bereft
women and their children. So many Christian men and the Christian
"church" not only fail to meet the church's responsibility for taking care
of the bereft women, but they effectively discourage the men of the
church from enabling the bereft women to be married where polygyny
is the only way it can be done, due to the lack of godly Christian men
who are willing and available for marriage. So it is no surprise to see so
many churches where the Love of God does not live and remain, where
they neither lay down their culture for the needy sisters, nor lay down
their lives in the sacrifice of polygyny for the needy sisters. If there
were many sickly, weak and even dying in the Corinthian church
because they offended and shamed the needy among them <1 Cor
11:30- 32>, is it a surprise to see so many weak, sickly and even dying
in the church today for their failure to enable the bereft women to obey
Christ by marrying, even if it means polygyny?
***"16 By this we come to know (progressively to recognize, to
perceive, to understand) the [essential] love: that He laid down His
[own] life for us; and we ought to lay [our] lives down for [those who
are our] brothers [in Him]. 17 But if anyone has this world's goods
(resources for sustaining life) and sees his brother and fellow believer
in need, yet closes his heart of compassion against him, how can the
love of God live and remain in him? 18 Little children, let us not love
[merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and
in sincerity). 19 By this we shall come to know (perceive, recognize,
and understand) that we are of the Truth, and can reassure (quiet,
conciliate, and pacify) our hearts in His presence, . . ."1 John 3 AB

Jesus compassionately cherished us so dearly that He laid down His

body's life for our redemption. That being the case a brother in Christ
who has the means and opportunity to meet the needs of a bereft
sister in Christ who is under command to marry, such a brother should
lay down his convenient life for the inconvenience of meeting of the
marital needs of the bereft sister. If a Christian brother who has enough
of the world's goods to marry a needy and bereft Christian sister, if
such a brother should see his Christian sister in such need yet closes
his heart of compassion against her, "how can the love of God live and
remain in him?" A brother in Christ who has the means and opportunity
to meet the needs of a bereft sister in Christ who is under command to
marry, such a brother should not love merely in theory or in speech,
but in deed and in truth, laying down his convenient life for the
inconvenience of meeting of the marital needs of the bereft sister.

Marriage in and of itself is not a godly solution. It is a given that vices and
bad behavior can make any marital relationship bad/worse, while virtue
and good behavior can make any marital relationship good/better. A
marriage characterized by "love, joy, peace, unselfish generosity, patience
towards others, kindness, benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-restraint"
will be successful and a blessing to those in it and those who see it.
A marriage characterized by “extra-marital sex, favoritism, partiality,
unkindness, impatience,impurity, indecency, idol-worship, sorcery, drug
abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, outbursts of passion, intrigues, dissensions,
factions, envyings, hard drinking, riotous feasting” [Gal 5] and bitter selfishness
is doomed or Hellish. Since these are the natural behaviors of humans, it is no
wonder that so many marriages are Hellish or miserably doomed.
A human marriage needs to be redeemed and transformed by and in Jesus
as much as the people who are in it, if it is to characterized by kind,
compassionate and unselfish cherishing Love.

The godly Christian goal in Biblical Christian marriage is experiencing

the unity of the Spirit in the bond of Peace:
***"1 I THEREFORE, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to and beg
you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you
have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to
God's service, 2 Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of
mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness),
with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances
because
you love one another. 3 Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and
keep
the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the
binding
power of peace.
***"Psalm 133
A Song of Ascents. Of David.
1 BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell
together in unity! 2 It is like the precious ointment poured on the head,
that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first high
priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his garments
[consecrating the whole body]. 3 It is like the dew of [lofty] Mount
Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for there the Lord
has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon the high
and the lowly].

Jesus declares that He who is Love, Truth, Light and Life can Live that
Life of "love, joy, peace, patience towards others, kindness,
benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-restraint" [Gal. 5],
impartiality and generous unselfishness in any person or marriage that
is willing to give up their own life and accept His Life in their lives
and marriages. The good news is that Jesus, who is Eternal Life, offers
to Live His Life through and in anyone who comes to Him relying on and
trusting in Him alone to make him/her fit to see and live with God the
Father, the Almighty Most High Consuming Fire (Deut 4:24; Heb 12:28,29,
in Heaven and eternity. He can do so because He is God, who was
revealed in a human body and He suffered the death penalty so that all our
sin and failures, which are consumed when exposed to He who is the
Almighty Consuming Fire, may be forgiven justly and removed. It is an issue
of compatability and incompatability, seen well in the experience of Shedrak,
Meshak and Abednego in the Book of Daniel. The three were declared
righteous by faith so when they were cast into the fire, they had been made
compatible with the fire and were unhurt. The soldiers that threw them
into the fire, having no faith in Jehovah, were incompatible with the fire
and were consumed by the fire. We need to be made compatible with
Him who is the Almighty Consuming Fire, and Jesus is the only One
who can make us acceptable to and compatible with the Father.

FOOTNOTES AND REFERENCES

<SA> Social Anthropology, Paul Bohannan; Holt, Rinehart and Winston,

Inc.; 1963

<1> A Princess Remembers, The Memoirs of the Maharani of Jaipur, by

G. Devi of Jaipur and S. R. Rau; 1976; J..B. Lippincott Co., NY.

<2> Three in Love, Ménages á trois from ancient times to modern

times; by B. Foster, M. Foster, L. Hadady; HarperCollins;

<3> Facing Mount Kenya, Marriage System, by Kenya's Jomo Kenyata,

Chap 8; Secker & Warburg, London 1938 pp. 163-185

<4> Peoples and Cultures of Africa, An Anthropological Reader; Edited

by E. P. Skinner; Doubleday, Garden City, New York, 1973

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The Eternal Father of Love gave His only Son born of woman to die for
your failures so that you do not have to be lost to Death but can Live
with Jesus forever, by trusting Jesus alone to save you from Death and
failure and make you right to Live with the Eternal Father of Love
forever. Abortion is the murderous shedding of innocent blood.
Neither racists, nor bigots, nor those who enjoy pornography, nor those
who have sexual relations outside of their own marriage, nor catamites
nor homosexuals shall inherit Jesus' Kingdom, according to Ac17:26;
1Jn2&3 Rom1;1Co6;Is59:7;Ez23; Rev 21; Rev 22

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