Embedding Quotations

Many verbs can be used to introduce summaries, paraphrases and quotations. comments, describes, explains, reveals, proposes, reports, thinks, writes, considers, concludes, claims, contends, insists, admits, concedes, concurs, derides, laments, speculates, warns, etc. You can use an ellipsis (...) to indicate that youve left part of the text out of your quote. Joe Johnson believes, You stick to it ... thats again how tenacity wins (4). You can use a colon to tie in your quote with your transition sentence. The ritualistic and primitive nature of the event is suggested in Old Man Warner's repetition of the following saying: "Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon" (705). You can use brackets to indicate any changes you make to quotations in order to integrate them with the style or clarity of your sentences (for reasons of pronouns, verb tense, capitalization, or comprehension). Original: Her knees were tumors on sticks, her elbows chicken bones. Example from a paper: The horror and seriousness of the situation is quickly detailed by vivid imagery: "[Stella's] knees were tumors on sticks, her elbows chicken bones" (1137). NOTE: Be careful of changing too much within such a short quotation. This tends to make the quotation awkward. In general, if you have to change more than two items in a short quotation, it's better to find another way to write it. Another option is to paraphrase the quote. ADDITIONAL NOTES: Use the proper punctuation when citing direct and indirect quotations. 1. Pay particular note to using "that." Doing so to indicate a quotation usually means you are not quoting exactly from the source but paraphrasing to a certain degree. Smith states that he was a loser (3). 2. Smith states, "He was a loser" (3). When quoting literature, you should use the most effective part of a quotation as part of one of your own sentences. This will create stronger

voice. Instead of quoting the entire piece, use more of your own text. Examine the following examples to understand the difference. o To describe Arnold Friend, Oates says, "He spoke in a simple lilting voice, exactly as if he were reciting the words to a song" (1057). o Oates describes Arnold Friend's voice as "lilting...as if he were reciting the words to a song" (1057).

Embedding by Enticing

So, I have a quotebut how do I make it work in my essay? Follow the T-I-C-E Formula! (Transition Insert Cite Explain) When writing an analysis on a piece of literature, it is important that you pull specific evidence from the text to support your idea(s). This evidence may be presented in the form of a paraphrase or a quote. When you have a quote to insert in your writing, there are four steps you can take to ensure that your quote fits flawlessly into your essay. Together, the steps are called the T-I-CE Formula. Pretend you want to use the following quote in your essay that you found on page 71 in Of Mice and Men. You think this quote shows/supports how Lennie is lonely, which is the focus of your paragraph. Quote: He wont do it, Lennie cried. George wouldnt do nothing like that. I been with George a long time. Hell come back tonight. But the doubt was too much for him. Dont you think he will? Follow the T-I-C-E Steps: 1. Transition into your quote. You need to transition from one idea to the next in your essay in order to make your writing flow. Therefore, you cant just plop a selected quote into a paragraph and think that the reader will know how it fits in with your ideas. You need to lead into the quote with a transition. This will get the reader ready to understand how the quote works to support the paragraphs topic sentence and, overall, the thesis. So, what is a transition? Well, the transition acts as a link between ideas. It is a sentence or two (or a few words) that explains the purpose of the quote to follow. Including background information (context) on the quote is also helpful to the transition. The following example includes both background information and a transition.

For the quote, you might write a lead-in that looks something like this: In a conversation between Lennie and Crooks, Crooks is taunting Lennie with the idea that his good friend and caretaker, George, will not return to look after him. Lennies loneliness is apparent in his reply, George wouldnt do nothing like that. I been with George a long time. Hell come back tonight But the doubt was too much for him. Dont you think he will? Lennies loneliness is apparent is the transition for this sentence because it lets the reader know that the quote to follow will show how Lennie is lonely. Note that this transition also came after some contextual information that describes what was happening when the quote was said. Including this information helps the reader understand the quote even more; therefore, its a good idea to include contextual information before the quote if you can. Once youve written your transition, be sure to 2. Insert the quote into the paragraph. Make sure that you put quotation marks around the quote you are using. If you do not do this, it will be considered plagiarism, which is defined as using someone elses words as if they are your own. It is illegal. One youve placed the quote into the paragraph, you should then 3. Cite the quote To avoid plagiarism, you must give credit to the author whose quote you are using by signifying that you in fact did not write the quote you just inserted in your essay. You do not have to write, On page 71 in Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, Lennie said. All you have to do is 1. Put parentheses right after the quote - ( ) 2. Write the page number where you found the quote inside the parentheses - (71) 3. Put a period after the parenthesis to end the sentence and quote (71). When you cite a quote, it tells the reader two things: 1. You are giving an accurate quote from the book because you are giving evidence of a page number. 2. Where to find the quote if the reader is interested in reading it in the actual text.

Now you have written the lead in, put the quote into the paragraph, and cited it. Now it is time to write the most important part of the formula 4. Explain how the quote supports the topic. Yes, you may think that the transition already does this, but nine times out of ten, the reader needs to be reminded of why the quote is important to the essay. The explanation is the most important part to this formula as it acts as closure to the idea the quote presents. What to do: Write a sentence or a few explaining the quote. You already described what was happening when the quote was said (contextual info.), so now make sure you explain how the quote supports what you are trying to prove in the paragraph. How does the quote support the topic sentence?

An explanation after the quote is inserted might be Lennie is disturbed by the idea that George might not come back to look after him. Through Lennies uneasiness, he is demonstrating his loneliness in life; Lennie is no one without Georgehe would not be able look after himself on his own and would probably not be able to survive. This idea scares Lennie as it makes him think about the reality of his life. Putting all the steps together, when you use a quote in your essay, it should look something like this: In a conversation between Lennie and Crooks, the stable buck, Crooks is taunting Lennie with the idea that his good friend and caretaker, George, wont return to look after him. Lennies loneliness is apparent in his reply, George wouldnt do nothing like that. I been with George a long time. Hell come back tonight But the doubt was too much for him. Dont you think he will? (71). Lennie is disturbed by the idea that George might not come back to look after him. Through Lennies uneasiness, he is demonstrating his loneliness in life; Lennie is no one without Georgehe would not be able look after himself on his own and would probably not be able to survive. This idea scares Lennie as it makes him think about the reality of his life.

Becoming a Better Writer

Writing is always a work in progress, which is why you should always read your writing when it is returned to you in order to learn from it. When you read your writing after some time has passed, youre able to pick up on things you werent able to when you handed it in; thats because youre now going to be reading it with fresh eyes. Additionally, youll want to read the teacher comments given to you and use them to improve for the next assignment. Heres how to read and use the comments to make writing progress throughout the year: 1. Check Marks: You may see a series of checkmarks written in the left and right margins of your essay. 1. Count up the checkmarks in the left margin only. This number represents the number of grammatical errors youve made in your essay. Write this number at the top of your essay with a G next to it. This way youll have a benchmark number that youll want to decrease as each assignment is given. 2. Count up the checkmarks written in the right margin. This number represents the number of spelling errors made in your essay. Write this number at the top of your essay with an S next to it. Youll also want to make sure that this number decreases with each assignment to insure a higher grammar grade overall. 3. Find each grammar and spelling error and fix them! The best writers improve their ability by finding their mistakes and fixing them. When you find each grammar/spelling error and revise it, youre learning how to do this every time you read over your writing, thereby improving your grammar overall. Each check mark is written next to a line where the mistake has been made. You may have one, or you may have several. Either way, the number of checkmarks written represent the number of errors in that line. See if you can find the errors and then fix them! 2. Read over the Rubric: For most assignments, youll want to first look at the rubric attached to the essay that represents the five areas of good writing: Thesis/Content, Organization, Development, Style, and Grammar. I will have placed a check mark in a particular number range for each area of writing, which represents the number grade youve earned in that category. The same rubric is used throughout the year; thus, youll want to

keep track of how you are progressing in these areas as the year continues. 3. Strengths and Work On Chart: For most assignments, I will devise a chart on the last page of your essay that I fill in as I read your essay. Comments made in the Strengths column are areas that I believe you did well in for that assignment and that you should continue to excel in for future assignments. The Work On column will have suggestions for improvement, things Id like you to work on for next time. Read over this column carefully. Remember, writing is a work in progress, so you should take into account the comments in this column that will help you to progress to the next level with your writing. 4. Writing Folder: Take your essay home and read it over with fresh eyes. 1. Make your own Strengths and Work On chart on the handout provided to you. You may use the chart written by me at the end of your essay (if applicable), but I suggest you add at least one comment in each column of your own as well. Reflecting on our writing always helps us to improve and continue to progress. 2. Find and fix all the grammatical errors. At this point, if you have questions or would like to meet with me on your essay, be sure to see me to set up an appointment to do this. 3. Place your essay, attached with your Strengths and Work On chart, in your class writing folder.

Revising CRISP-ly
CRISP your writing: C ut words R educe clauses I ntensify verbs S harpen diction P ack phrases First, C ut words. Cut out every word that can be spared. That eliminates "due to the fact that, "in order to," and all other wordy constructions that don't say anything. Next, R educe clauses. Almost all clauses can be reduced in some way--often through appositives or other phrases. Instead of "Barack Obama, who is President of

the United States, . . . " simply eliminating "who is" reduces it from a relative clause to an appositive. Then, I ntensify verbs. Circle verbs and intensify the weak ones. See the attached list for vivid verbs. After that, S harpen diction. Find the very BEST words for the audience and the purpose. Pay attention to the level of diction that is best for the audience, subject, and occasion. Change any words that are either "higher" or "lower" than is best. Finally, P ack phrases. Move them behind the nouns. Instead of "A proposal presented by Derek Bok, the president of Harvard University, was defeated," pack it to "Harvard president Derek Bok's proposal failed." Using the example above: Barack Obama, President of the United States, becomes "U. S. President Barack Obama Vivid Verbs to Build Commentary LIMIT your use of the verb to be or the surface-level shows. Choose verbs to build commentary (e.g. amplify, convey demonstrate, depict, exemplify, etc.)

Checking With an Essay Checklist

CONTENT MLA Format Proper MLA Heading The paper is given a fitting title that is both original and creative. It captures the central purpose of the piece. Paper is double-spaced throughout 12 pt. font (Times New Roman or Arial) COMMENTS

The lead/hook is appropriate for the assignment (in both length & tone). The segue from the hook to the discussion of the Introductio text is natural and seamless. n The claim (thesis) is properly constructed and developed: narrow, manageable, and focused. The title and author are listed somewhere in the introduction. Title of text is appropriately formatted

Ideas/opinions are organized to develop or explain all parts of your thesis properly. Paragraphing is sound; it reinforces the organizational structure. The writer transitions effectively and smoothly from one idea to the next (within and between paragraphs). The writer has used sufficient and relevant evidence from the text to develop and support his/her ideas. The evidence is relevant and quality pieces of Body information that go BEYOND the obvious and Paragraph predictable and also support the thesis. The writer s demonstrates sophisticated thinking. Quotations are embedded in the text with proper citations: Transition Insert Cite Expound The writer has selected NOTEWORTHY quotes and has discussed only that which is SIGNIFICANT to the thesis statement. The writer exhibits sound understanding, interpretation and analysis of text. There is a clear conclusion that sums up or concludes the discussion. It is not a repeat of the introduction. Conclusion The conclusion does not address a new idea that is not developed in the essaythough you may extrapolate from an existing idea.

Checking With an Essay Checklist (contd)

CONTENT The writer reveals an understanding of audience and purpose through effective use of diction and syntax. Word choices are specific and accurate; they convey the appropriate tone. Colloquial language is avoided. The sentences are purposefully varied in length as well as structure and add originality and energy to Language the piece. & Voice The writer avoids being verbose (wordy) and repetitive. The writing is clear and succinct. The writer writes about literature in the present tense. The writer avoids using contractions. The writer avoids using the personal pronouns I, you, and we (if appropriate). COMMENTS

Checking With an Essay Checklist Part II

_____ 1. _____ 2. _____ 3. _____ 4. statement? _____ 5. _____ 6. organized?) _____ 7. question? _____ 8. thesis? Do you explain your supporting evidence in relation to your Do you use supporting evidence from the text to answer the Do you address all parts of the question? Is each idea developed fully in its own section? (Is your essay Do you have an interesting lead or narrative hook that grabs the Do you have a clear thesis statement? If your thesis is in your introduction, does your lead tie into your thesis statement? Do you address how you are going to support your thesis readers attention?

_____ 9.

Do you have a provocative final thought(s)? (Can you extrapolate? Do you take the idea about which you write and apply it beyond the text?)

_____ 10. _____ 11. _____ 12. _____ 13. writer?

Do you use transitions to move smoothly between ideas? Have you checked spelling, punctuation, and usage? Do you use vocabulary that is appropriate and sophisticated? Is there a sense of voice in your work that distinguishes you as a

Strengths _____________________________________________________________________________ _______ _____________________________________________________________________________ _______ _____________________________________________________________________________ _______ Weaknesses _____________________________________________________________________________ _______ _____________________________________________________________________________ _______ _____________________________________________________________________________ _______

Leading With Leads/Narrative Hooks

I.Startling Facts/Statistics A. Over 2,000,000 people die each year in the United States. B. The life expectancy for people born in the United States today exceeds 75 years; still, death for any one person is unpredictable. In fact, over 27,000 infants died last year before reaching their first birthdays. II.Quotation

A. Must not all things at the last be swallowed up in death? Plato asked. B. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,/It seems to me most strange that men should fear;/Seeing that death, a necessary end,/Will come when it will come (Julius Caesar, Act II, Sc. 2, ll. 34-37). III.Metaphor/Simile Loneliness is a soundless void for all but the one from whom it resonates. In Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck sounds the depths of loneliness for two desperate characters, Crooks and Curley's wife, who seek to communicate both in word and action. But their voices are silenced in a world that reverberates with loneliness. IV.Anecdotal As I walked into the house, I began to cough fiercely. After a few moments, I caught my breath and continued up the stairs and down the hall to the kitchen where my grandfather was reading the paper and my grandmother was cooking spaghetti and meatballs for Sunday dinner. Id kiss my grandmother at the stove and move toward the table that had my grandfathers packs of Now cigarettes, a lighter, and an ashtray with six or seven unfinished butts. My grandfather used to smoke at least three packs a day. Every Sunday for years I was greeted with love from my grandparents in a smoke-filled home. One Sunday we skipped the ritual of dinner and drove past my grandparents house to the hospital. Hooked up to a respirator, my grandmother lay in a hospital bed. Her life signs were weak, her condition critical. I looked into her face but couldn't recognize the person I had known my whole life. Her skin was so pallid that I realized for the first time what people meant when they said someone looked ghostlike. Grandma had cancer. If she had been in an accident, I could have understood. I wouldn't have felt any better, but I would have understood why. Why was Grandma dying? She was the victim of cancer. I mean victim because she never smoked, but she was the unfortunate casualty of second-hand smoke. *** body sections on second-hand smoke *** Framing an essay in the conclusion . . . . I didn't learn the effects of second-hand smoke until only after Grandma was hospitalized. I remember that I cried for days. I wish that my tears could wash away all the smoke in the world. But they can't. The day Grandpa buried Grandma he kicked the habit.

Transitioning
I. Repetition of a Key Word By repeating in the first sentence of a paragraph a word used in the preceding paragraph, you help to smooth over the gap between paragraphs.

Example: And if these prove to be but an illusion, if the husband becomes an alimony payer, the father a stranger to his children, the seeker for permanency a wanderer, is not ours a matrimonial anarchy? Why should such anarchy prevail? (The repetition of the word anarchy carries the thought across the gap between paragraphs.) II. Direct Reference A preceding idea may be referred to directly, often in summary form. Example: Today a computer, sorting checks and printing figures faster than the eye can follow, can handle a whole days work for one of the bank's thirty branches in fifteen minutes. But the incredible efficiency of computers and their remorseless logic may be eliminating jobs as well. III. Pronouns as Transitional Devices A pronoun that refers to a person or an idea mentioned in the preceding paragraph often provides a smooth transition between paragraphs. The pronouns most commonly used in this way are he, she, they, this, that, these, those, them, and it. Example: Before the fire, homeless shelters served the needs of many in the community. All this has now been wiped out. IV. Connectives Most of the connectives listed for use in linking sentences may also serve as transitional expressions between paragraphs. The following connectives are commonly used in this way: 1. Time signalsfirst, then, next, later 2. Minus signals for contrastinghowever, but, unfortunately, on the contrary, on the other hand 3. Plus signals for additionand, in addition, moreover, besides 4. Results signals for consequencesconsequently, therefore, hence, thus

IV.

Connectives (contd) accordingly similarly also such and another therefore as a result thus at last the other hand but consequently finally for example for instance fortunately in addition in fact likewise moreover nevertheless on the contrary on then

furthermore besides hence however otherwise

V.

Correlative Conjunctions Correlative conjunctions are always used in pairs. Example: The work is not only profitable but also pleasant. Do you know whether Sara is coming alone or with her parents? Correlative Conjunctions 4. either . . . or 5. neither . . . nor 6. both . . . and 7. not only . . . but also 8. whether . . . or

VI.

Subordinating Conjunctions Subordinating conjunctions are used to begin subordinate, adverbial clauses. Example: Although speed is important, accuracy is more important. When I take an examination, I become frightened. Commonly Used Subordinating Conjunctions after as though since unless when although because so that whenever as before than where

as if wherever as long as whether as much as while

if in order that provided that

though unless until

Diagnosing Papers

A. Thesis statement: topic + point of view e.g.: topic: human nature + point of view: man is inherently evil and will ultimately destroy himself B. Topic sentences which relate back to some part of the thesis statement - If it doesnt, a) you have problems with your thesis or b) you have extraneous information - It shouldnt be the first sentence of each body paragraph (boring) - Warriners Complete Course (pp. 309-312) C. Supporting evidence (i.e. quotes, paraphrased information): amount, quality in relation to the topic sentence, placement, embedding in ones own sentences, explanation, transition D. Explanation of evidence E. Lead F. Transition into your thesis from your lead as well as transitions in the body of your paper from one paragraph to the next and one thought to the next G. How you are going to support that thesis (intro. reference examples) H. Restated thesis in your conclusion? Implied? I. Strong final thoughts (extrapolation) J. Editing: especially run-ons, sentence fragments, commas, agreement issues, etc.

Writing Dos and Donts

A. Be sure that your thesis is clear. If not, your paper wont make sense to the reader. Also, be sure to answer all parts of the question. Finally, avoid surprise introductions introductions that hold off on telling what specifically you will address. The result is often an introduction without a clear thesis statement.

(weak) e.g. In A Dolls House by Henrik Ibsen, Nora Helmer searches for self; her new understanding leads to a central theme of the play. (better) e.g. In A Dolls House by Henrik Ibsen, Nora Helmer realizes that she must leave her family in order to find herself; of course, this epiphany addresses the conflict between following social conventions and choosing ones own path. B. Think vertically, not horizontally. C Develop your thinking. Give specific examples from the text to support your answer. When you do not give specific examples or evidence, you tend to become redundant. Also, dont make unsubstantiated claims. e.g. Psychological effects of war: Gerard Duval, not being able to go home again, dehumanization (Kemmerichs boots), and despair and giving up and the end D. Work on developing an interesting opening. Avoid meaning of literature openings (e.g. Literature provides us with or e.g. In literature, authors ) E. Finish with a strong conclusion/final thoughts. - Be provocative. Extrapolate. F. Work on transitions. G. Write in the universal present and dont shift verb tense. e.g. Paul realized realizes he could not cannot go home again. H. Be attentive to your punctuation and usage, especially 1. R.Os 4. S-V agreement 2. S.Fs 5. Pronoun/antecedent agreement 3. Commas 6. Verb tenses I. Be aware of your audience, which means attentiveness to language. - Avoid clichs: trophy wife, her true colors, world turns upside down