Positive Attitude The Gardeners Badge Story A landscape gardener ran a business that had been in the family

y for two or three generations. The staff were happy, and customers loved to visit the store, or to have the staff work on their gardens or make deliveries - anything from bedding plants to ride-on mowers. For as long as anyone could remember, the current owner and previous generations of owners were extremely positive happy people. Most folk assumed it was because they ran a successful business. In fact it was the other way around... A tradition in the business was that the owner always wore a big lapel badge, saying Business Is Great! The business was indeed generally great, although it went through tough times like any other. What never changed however was the owner's attitude, and the badge saying Business Is Great! Everyone who saw the badge for the first time invariably asked, "What's so great about business?" Sometimes people would also comment that their own business was miserable, or even that they personally were miserable or stressed. Anyhow, the Business Is Great! badge always tended to start a conversation, which typically involved the owner talking about lots of positive aspects of business and work, for example:

the pleasure of meeting and talking with different people every day the reward that comes from helping staff take on new challenges and experiences the fun and laughter in a relaxed and healthy work environment the fascination in the work itself, and in the other people's work and businesses the great feeling when you finish a job and do it to the best of your capabilities the new things you learn every day - even without looking to do so and the thought that everyone in business is blessed - because there are many millions of people who would swap their own situation to have the same opportunities of doing a productive meaningful job, in a civilized well-fed country, where we have no real worries.

And so the list went on. And no matter how miserable a person was, they'd usually end up feeling a lot happier after just a couple of minutes listening to all this infectious enthusiasm and positivity.

It is impossible to quantify or measure attitude like this, but to one extent or another it's probably a self-fulfilling prophecy, on which point, if asked about the badge in a quiet moment, the business owner would confide: "The badge came first. The great business followed."

Changing positions Professor and God The professor first opts for Knowledge and then says, Sorry god, can I have wealth

Revenge The Lion and Amen A missionary came upon a hungry lion in the middle of the African plain. The missionary knelt and prayed, "God, please give this lion a christian soul!" The lion stopped, knelt, and prayed also: "Lord above, may this meal be blessed.."

Be careful for what you wish Couples 40 anniversary A couple were dining out together celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. After the meal, the husband presented his wife romantically with a beautiful very old gold antique locket on a chain. Amazingly when his wife opened the locket, a tiny fairy appeared. Addressing the astonished couple, the fairy said, "Your forty years of devotion to each other has released me from this locket, and in return I can now grant you both one wish each anything you want.." Without hesitating, the wife asked, "Please, can I travel to the four corners of the world with my husband, as happy and in love as we've always been?" The fairy waved her wand with a flourish, and magically there on the table were two first-class tickets for a round-the-world holiday. Staggered, the couple looked at each other, unable to believe their luck. "Your turn," said the fairy and the wife to the husband.

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The husband thought for a few seconds, and then said, with a little guilt in his voice, "Forgive me, but to really enjoy that holiday of a lifetime - I yearn for a younger woman - so I wish that my wife could be thirty years younger than me." Shocked, the fairy glanced at the wife, and with a knowing look in her eye, waved her wand..... and the husband became ninety-three.

Focus on Today Canoe and waterfall When you are in a canoe and about to go over a waterfall, NOW is NOT the time to discuss WHO DROPPED THE PADDLE.

Restricted Thinking Baby in a cannon In a circus, the Bearded Lady and the World's Strongest Man fell in love, and decided to start a family. Soon the Bearded Lady fell pregnant. A few weeks before she was due to give birth, the Bearded Lady and the circus ring-master were talking. "How's it going?" the ring-master asked, "Are you well?" "Yes thanks - very excited," said the bearded lady, "We have so many plans for the baby - we want to be supportive parents." "That's nice," said the ring-master, "Do you want a boy or a girl?" "Oh, we really don't mind as long as it's healthy," said the Bearded Lady, "And it fits into the cannon.."

Choices to make Stranded car dilemma This story is adapted from a scenario which featured in a widely circulated email, in which (supposedly) job applicants were given loosely the following question to answer, to indicate their personality and decision-making motives (supposedly). The job application context is

extremely doubtful, but the lesson in creative thinking is interesting, especially if people are not given too long to dwell on it: You are driving alone in two-seater car on a deserted road in blizzard conditions, when you see another car which has recently run off the road and into a tree. There are three people in the stranded car, none of whom is injured: 1. an old friend, who once saved your life 2. your childhood sweetheart greatest lost love 3. an elderly lady No-one has a phone. The likelihood of any more passing traffic is effectively zero. The conditions are too dangerous for people to walk anywhere. It is not possible to tow the crashed car. The nearest town is an hour's drive away. The question is: Given that your car is just a two-seater, in what order should the stranded people be taken to the nearest town?

Motivation to go to work The headmaster A mother repeatedly called upstairs for her son to get up, get dressed and get ready for school. It was a familiar routine, especially at exam time. "I feel sick," said the voice from the bedroom. "You are not sick. Get up and get ready," called the mother, walking up the stairs and hovering outside the bedroom door. "I hate school and I'm not going," said the voice from the bedroom, "I'm always getting things wrong, making mistakes and getting told off. Nobody likes me, and I've got no friends. And we have too many tests and they are too confusing. It's all just pointless, and I'm not going to school ever again." "I'm sorry, but you are going to school," said the mother through the door, continuing encouragingly, "Really, mistakes are how we learn and develop. And please try not to take criticism so personally. And I can't believe that nobody likes you - you have lots of friends at school. And yes, all those tests can be confusing, but we are all tested in many ways throughout our lives, so all of this experience at school is useful for life in general. Besides, you have to go, you are the headteacher."

Leadership The soldiers and the trench

The story goes that sometime, close to a battlefield over 200 years ago, a man in civilian clothes rode past a small group of exhausted battle-weary soldiers digging an obviously important defensive position. The section leader, making no effort to help, was shouting orders, threatening punishment if the work was not completed within the hour. "Why are you are not helping?" asked the stranger on horseback. "I am in charge. The men do as I tell them," said the section leader, adding, "Help them yourself if you feel strongly about it." To the section leader's surprise the stranger dismounted and helped the men until the job was finished. Before leaving the stranger congratulated the men for their work, and approached the puzzled section leader. "You should notify top command next time your rank prevents you from supporting your men and I will provide a more permanent solution," said the stranger. Up close, the section leader now recognized General Washington, and also the lesson he'd just been taught.

Confused messages John Waynes awe It is said that when filming the biblical epic The Greatest Story Ever Told, the director George Stevens was trying to encourage extra passion from John Wayne when delivering the highly significant line, "Truly, this was the Son of God." "You are talking about Jesus - think about it," said Stevens, "You've got to say it with awe." For the next take John Wayne duly summoned his most intense feelings. He paused dramatically, and said: "Aw, truly this was the Son of God."

Stretching your goals Blind man crossing the road A blind man had been waiting a while at a busy road for someone to offer to guide him across, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Excuse me," said the tapper, "I'm blind - would you mind guiding me across the road?"

The first blind man took the arm of the second blind man, and they both crossed the road. Apparently this is a true story. The first blind man was the jazz pianist George Shearing. He is quoted (in Bartlett's Anecdotes) as saying after the event, "What could I do? I took him across and it was the biggest thrill of my life." There are times when we think we cannot do something and so do not stretch or take a risk. Being forced to stretch and take a risk can often help us to reduce our dependencies (on others, or our own personal safety mechanisms), and to discover new excitement and capabilities.

Come to the edge. We might fall. Come to the edge. It's too high! COME TO THE EDGE! And they came, and he pushed, and they flew.

Understanding the needs of the farmer The preacher and the farmer An old hill farming crofter trudges several miles through freezing snow to his local and very remote chapel for Sunday service. No-one else is there, aside from the clergyman. "I'm not sure it's worth proceeding with the service - might we do better to go back to our warm homes and a hot drink?.." asks the clergyman, inviting a mutually helpful reaction from his audience of one. "Well, I'm just a simple farmer," says the old crofter, "But when I go to feed my herd, and if only one beast turns up, I sure don't leave it hungry." So the clergyman, feeling somewhat ashamed, delivers his service - all the bells and whistles, hymns and readings, lasting a good couple of hours - finishing proudly with the fresh observation that no matter how small the need, our duty remains. And he thanks the old farmer for the lesson he has learned. "Was that okay?" asks the clergyman, as the two set off home. "Well I'm just a simple farmer," says the old crofter, "But when I go to feed my herd, and if only one beast turns up, I sure don't force it to eat what I brought for the whole herd..."

From which we see the extra lesson, that while our duty remains regardless of the level of need, we have the additional responsibility to ensure that we adapt our delivery (of whatever is our stock in trade) according to the requirements of our audience.

Tactical advantage The hearing-aid story An old lady had a hearing-aid fitted, hidden underneath her hair. A week later she returned to the doctor for her check-up. "It's wonderful - I can hear everything now," she reported very happily to the doctor. "And is your family pleased too?" asked the doctor. "Oh I haven't told them yet," said the old lady, "And I've changed my will twice already.."

Make your point and stop The double-positive story On hearing one of his students use the expression, "I don't know nothing about it..." a teacher took the opportunity to explain about double negatives and correct grammar to the class. The teacher explained, "In the English language a double negative makes the statement positive, so your assertion that you 'don't know nothing about it' is actually an admission that you do know something about it." Encouraged by the interest in this revelation among certain class members, the teacher went on to demonstrate more of his knowledge of world languages: "Of course not all languages operate according to the same grammatical rules, for example, in Russian, a double negative remains negative, although perhaps surprisingly, there is not a single language anywhere in the world in which a double positive makes a negative.." At which a voice from the back of the classroom called out ironically "Yeah, right.."

Lateral Thinking Bath of water A party of suppliers was being given a tour of a mental hospital. One of the visitors had made some very insulting remarks about the patients. After the tour the visitors were introduced to various members of staff in the canteen.

The rude visitor chatted to one of the security staff, Bill, a kindly and wise ex-policeman. "Are they all raving loonies in here then?" said the rude man. "Only the ones who fail the test," said Bill. "What's the test?" said the man. "Well, we show them a bath full of water, a bucket, a jug and an egg-cup, and we ask them what's the quickest way to empty the bath," said Bill. "Oh I see, simple - the normal ones know it's the bucket, right?" "No actually," said Bill, "The normal ones say pull out the plug. Should I check when there's a bed free for you?"

Pushing a person to think My nursery admission Product usage confusion Stamp story The staff at an old people's home were puzzled when one of the residents began gargling with TCP. They asked her why but all she would say was that something had happened at the postoffice. This is what actually occurred. The old lady, who rarely ventured out, had visited the post office to post a letter. She bought a stamp, and since there was a long queue behind her she stepped aside. She put her change in her purse, licked the stamp and put it on her letter. Despite pressing and thumping and licking it again, the stamp failed to stick. "Excuse me, this stamp won't stick," said the old lady. "You need to peel the paper off the back," explained the clerk. The old lady put on her spectacles, fiddled for a few seconds to peel off the backing paper and then licked the stamp again. "It still won't stick," interrupted the old lady again. "It's a self-stick stamp," said the assistant. "Well this one isn't sticking at all - there's something wrong with it," demanded the old lady.

"Well it won't stick now because you've licked it." "Well I'm totally confused now," said the old lady. "Just give it here and I'll post it for you," said the cashier, and doing her best to explain continued, "These new stamps don't need licking. They are self-sticking. They save time. They are already sticky." The old lady continued to look blankly at the assistant. "Look," said the well-meaning but desperate post-office clerk, "Just imagine they've already been licked..." Which sent the old lady scurrying out of the door and across the road to the chemist.

Tactical Thinking - Direct Mail Blunder Some years ago a client engaged a consultant to help with a small postal mailing to the purchasing departments of blue chip corporations. The consultant sourced the list (which was provided on MSExcel) and drafted the letter. Thereafter the client was keen to take control of the project, ie., to run the mail-merge and the fulfilment (basically printing, envelope-stuffing and mailing). The consultant discovered some weeks later that a junior member of the client's marketing department had sorted the list (changed the order of the listed organisations in the spreadsheet), but had sorted the company name column only, instead of all columns, with the result that every letter (about 500) was addressed and sent to a blue chip corporation at another entirely different corporation's address. Interestingly the mailing produced a particularly high response, which when investigated seemed to stem from the fact that an unusually high percentage of letters were opened and read, due apparently to the irresistible temptation of reading another corporation's mail...

Gender bias or presumptions God and Eve "God, I've been thinking.." says Eve one day. "What's on your mind Eve?" says God.

"Well, I know that you created me and this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful creatures, but lately I've been feeling that maybe there's more to life." "Go on..." says God. "Sometimes I get a bit bored - I fancy a bit of fun. And I get a bit fed up with all the heaving lifting and carrying, and warding off the mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers, not to mention that bloody snake. This garden can be dangerous place." "I see," says God, pausing for thought. "Eve, I have a cunning plan," says God, "I shall create Man for you." "Man?" asks Eve, "What is Man?" "Man..." says God, "Is a flawed creature. He will have many weaknesses and disgusting habits. Man will lie, cheat and behave like an idiot - in fact mostly he'll be a complete pain in the backside. But on the plus side he'll be big and strong, and will be able to protect you, and hunt and kill things, which might be handy sometimes. He will tend to lose control of mind and body when aroused, but with a bit training can reach an acceptable standard in the bedroom department, if you know what I mean." "Hmm," says Eve, "Seems like this Man idea might be worth a try, but tell me God, is there anything else I need to know?" "Just this," says God, "Man comes with one condition... In keeping with his arrogant, deluded, self-important character, Man will naturally believe that he was made first, and frankly we all have better things to do than argue, so you must keep all this a secret between us, if that's okay with you. You know, woman to woman.."

Positive attitude Old ladys three hairs A very old lady looked in the mirror one morning. She had three remaining hairs on her head, and being a positive soul, she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she braided her three hairs, and she had a great day. Some days later, looking in the mirror one morning, preparing for her day, she saw that she had only two hairs remaining. "Hmm, two hairs... I fancy a centre parting today." She duly parted her two hairs, and as ever, she had a great day. A week or so later, she saw that she had just one hair left on her head. "One hair huh...," she mused, "I know, a pony-tail will be perfect." And again she had a great day.

The next morning she looked in the mirror. She was completely bald. "Finally bald huh," she said to herself, "How wonderful! I won't have to waste time doing my hair any more.."

Everyone has a different reason to be happy Biscuit factory Some years ago the following exchange was broadcast on an Open University sociology TV programme. An interviewer was talking to a female production-line worker in a biscuit factory. The dialogue went like this: Interviewer: How long have you worked here? Production Lady: Since I left school (probably about 15 years). Interviewer: What do you do? Production Lady: I take packets of biscuits off the conveyor belt and put them into cardboard boxes. Interviewer: Have you always done the same job? Production Lady: Yes. Interviewer: Do you enjoy it? Production Lady: Oooh Yes, it's great, everyone is so nice and friendly, we have a good laugh. Interviewer (with a hint of disbelief): Really? Don't you find it a bit boring? Production Lady: Oh no, sometimes they change the biscuits...

Creativity Spaghetti and meatballs The story goes that a prominent, married, philandering, wealthy politician took advantage of a young female Italian translator during an overseas visit. Shortly after his return home he received a phone call at his office from the woman informing him that she was pregnant and that he was definitely the father.

Seemingly experienced at dealing with such situations, the politician instructed the young woman, "I will arrange for you and the child to be provided for. Do not worry about money. I will pay ten times the typical Italian settlement, but this must be kept secret." "I see," said the young woman, a little taken aback, but since she knew the man and his reputation she was not unduly surprised, and was also entirely happy never to see or speak to him again. He went on, "Don't ever call me again. Send me a postcard with some sort of coded message confirming date of birth, that the child is healthy and whether a boy or girl. Use your imagination - you are a translator after all." "As you wish," said the young woman, and ended the call. A little under nine months later the politician's wife (who was also his PA) was opening his mail. When she came to a particular postcard the politician noticed and suddenly became attentive. "Here's a postcard..." said his wife. "Oh yes," said the politician, "What does it say?" "Just a silly joke I think," said his wife, continuing, as she watched the colour drain from her husband's face, "It says: 'March 12th - Just had three big beautiful bowls of spaghetti - all with meatballs..' "