What are your thoughts on Love and sex?

I thought that a good way to start this

discussion would be to post what Jewish law states on this matter since Judaism is
one of the first religions and it is what Catholism and Christianity have its
roots in. I know this looks like a lot to read but i think that it is important,
(especially for women) to know what the law states. It will only take you a few
minutes, i promise. (smile)

According to Jewish law, sex is not viewed as shameful, sinful or obscene. It is

actually a holy special good-deed, it is the first recorded mitzvah in the Torah,
as the Bible says "and God said unto them: "Be fruitful, and multiply" Genesis
1:28.
Sex is not evil for the sole purpose of procreation. Although sexual desire comes
from the evil impulse (yetzer ra), it is no more evil than hunger or thirst, which
also come from the evil impulse. Like hunger or thirst, sexual desire must be
controlled and channeled, satisfied at the proper time, place and manner. When
sexual desire is satisfied between a husband and wife at the proper time, out of
mutual love and desire, sex is then a special holy mitzvah.

King Solomon wrote a Book called "Song of Songs", a love song between a male and a
female, and the Talmud calls this book" The Holy of Holies" - the most sacred
biblical text. Why? Because sex is really an expression of our deep desire for the
ultimate unity: to connect with God.

The verse, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine" Song of Songs 6:3, refers
symbolically to the longing for oneness with God. Judaism says that sex is one of
the holiest acts we can perform. In fact, the Hebrew word for the marriage
ceremony - "kiddushin," comes from the word "kadosh" - holy.

With all this in mind, sex is permitted only within the context of a marriage. Sex
is not merely a way of experiencing physical pleasure. It is an act of immense
significance, which requires commitment and responsibility. The requirement of
marriage before sex ensures that sense commitment and responsibility. Jewish law
also forbids sexual contact short of intercourse outside of the context of
marriage, recognizing that such contact will inevitably lead to intercourse.

The primary purpose of sex is to reinforce the loving marital bond between husband
and wife. The first and foremost purpose of marriage is companionship, and sexual
relations play an important role. Procreation is also a reason for sex, but it is
not the only reason. Sex between husband and wife is permitted in fact its even
recommended at times when conception is impossible, such as when the woman is
pregnant, after menopause, or when the woman is using a permissible form of
contraception.

In the Torah, the word used for sex between husband and wife comes from the root
Dalet-Ayin-Tav, meaning "to know," which vividly illustrates that proper Jewish
sexuality involves both the heart and mind, not merely the body.

Withal, Judaism does not ignore the physical component of sexuality. The need for
physical compatibility between husband and wife is recognized greatly in Jewish
law. A Jewish couple must meet at least once before the marriage, and if either
prospective spouse finds the other physically repulsive, the marriage is
forbidden.

Sex should only be experienced in a time of joy. Sex for selfish personal
pleasure, without regard for the partner's pleasure, is wrong and evil. A man may
never force his wife to have sex. A couple may not have sexual relations while
drunk or quarreling. Sex may never be used as a weapon against a spouse, either by
depriving the spouse of sex or by compelling it. It is a serious offense to use
sex (or lack thereof) to punish or manipulate a spouse.

Sex is the woman's right, not the man's. A man has a duty to give his wife sex
regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to
watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking
for it. The woman's right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and is one
of a wife's three basic rights (the others are food and clothing), which a husband
may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a
man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on
the husband's occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the
(ketubah) marriage contract.

Although sex is the woman's right, she does not have absolute discretion to
withhold it from her husband. A woman may not withhold sex from her husband as a
form of punishment, and if she does, the husband may divorce her without paying
the substantial divorce settlement provided for in the (ketubah) marriage
contract.

Although some sources take a more narrow view, the general view of Jewish law is
that any sexual act that does not involve destruction of seed, that is;
ejaculation outside the vagina is permissible. As one passage in the Talmud
states, "a man may do whatever he pleases with his wife." In fact, there are
passages in the Talmud that encourage foreplay to arouse the woman.

You can have a commitment without a marriage but you can't have a marriage without
a commitment. This means that according to the Law of Love you can have sex only
within a commited relationship. Whether or not you are married isn't as important
as it is to have a commitment with that person. The marriage is simply a contract
or piece of paper giving the couple legal rights and status within the society,
however what is more important is the commitment between the 2 people involed. If
there is no commitment then the marriage or the relationship will not last. The
reason i am explaining this is because it seems to me that people are more
concerned nowadays with getting married as opposed to whether or not they have a
commitment with each other and what a commitment actually is. You cannot break a
commitment like you can break a marriage contract. If you can then it was never
really a commitment in the first place. Sex with someone that you love is holy.
Why is that? It is because you are doing it more to please your partner than
please yourself. That is why Jewish law says that the man is obligated to satisfy
the woman. It takes a woman much longer to have an orgasm than it does a man. That
is why Tantra was developed. Tantra was developed to teach the man or husband to
control himself and to fulfill the law by pleasing his wife before he pleased
himself. Sex with someone just for pleasure is selfish and creates negative karma
or sin. Why is that? It is because you are just doing it to please yourself and
have fun. Men use women for sexual pleasure and women use men for sexual pleasure.
It goes both ways i know, so i'm not pointing fingers, trust me. There is nothing
wrong with this providing people understand this in advance and make the decision
to have sex for Love or pleasure. What is bad is if people don't know the
difference and are just acting out of impulses and urges. Then they have to deal
with negative sin(karma) in the future and they don't know why. God(Love) designed
sex so that 2 people could experience Love together on the physical level and to
create life out of Love. I will comment further on this later.

To continue where i left off....... sex without Love is empty and shallow. It
feels good for a few minutes but after that the "thrill is gone away" as B.B. King
would put it. Why is that? Sex without Love is temporary whereas sex with someone
you Love leaves a lasting feeling of Oneness and well being. The foundation to any
relationship is communication. If you don't have communication then the
relationship will not last very long. Sex is communication on the physical level.
A communication without words, but at the same time very informative. If the heart
is not involved in this type of communication, it will harden and isolate itself
over time. This is especially true for women who are naturally emotional beings.
Although it is everyones personal choice whether to engage in sex for Love or sex
for fun, i would advise people to only engage in sex for Love. It is in your best
spiritual interest. I speak from experience. You can either learn from my mistakes
or travel the road yourself. The choice is yours.
Well there are examples of successful marriages all the time where the individuals
involved don't have sex. One partner or the other is physically incapable of
engaging in sex due to illness or physical handicap. There are also couples who
refrain from sex due to spiritual reasons. However we don't always hear of these
relationships because people don't like to discuss this sensitive subject. But I
say this to say that yes it is possible to have a very loving relationship without
the physical act of sex. The most important thing is the Love. Krishna, Jesus,
Buddha and many others thousands of years ago all said the same thing. The Beatles
even said it over 40 year ago, "All you need is Love." I think they were right!