north bank

North Bank Institute of Independent Studies

PO Box 153,
Bellingen, NSW, 2454
lizardland@bigpond.com

Bellingen: the concept

The Organ, Vol.5. Bellingen: the concept (The Organ is the trumpet of the North
Bank Institute of Independent Studies)

R. Macleay, J. Parkin, 2007








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 Cheree and Brad had some disposable income left over from
the mortgage repayments on their 4 bedroom, 3 ensuite, 2
storey Cherrybrook neo-Federation dream to invest in one of
those getaway holidays they read about on saturdays over cof-
fee and juices in the semi-glossy SMH colour supplement and
to indulge in a week away (Monday to Friday, off season) from
their high-powered fast-moving non-stop working lives1 and

1. Cheree property management $90k per annum plus car; Brad invest-
ment management $100k per annum plus fringe benefits & international
travel(Singapore, KL, Hong Kong)

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 post-graduate part-time study, gym, Italian lessons, IVF program,
book club, cooking classes, touch football, swimming, sea-kayaking,
surfing, wine appreciation and shopping in confident, exciting, some
would say brash, cosmopolitan, Sydney (harbour views) and relax and
wind down and get close to nature among the subtropical delights and
comforts of Bellingen™2 at a secluded rainforest chalet3 overlooking
the river.

They decided to drive, not fly and hire.

So Brad’s brother Simon said “Hey, that’s great then,” and decided
that he and Eurydice (his 10⅝ year old daughter, who had been
staying with him and was due to return to her mother4 who lived
in Brisbane but who was now [right now] attending, and giving a
“PowerPoint®” presentation6 at a 3 day ecotourism conference at
a semi-up-market resort in Coffs Harbour, which would very con-
2. Cafes, waterfalls™, rainforests, national parks, beaches, mountains,
galleries, vineyards, celebrities, heritage buildings, golf, local markets,
canoeing, flying foxes, leeches, shopping, live music, festivals, arts.
3. Air con, DVD, CD, broadband, kitchen (fully equipped, hyper modern,
espresso facilities, no tea pot), old world charms, wheelchair access, no
smoking inside, sleeps 6 (1 king., 1 Queen., 2 Single) linen supplied, spa,
sauna, 5 mins to cafes, bistros, cycle to beaches, cooked breakfast op-
tional, no pets, from $1200 Mon-Fri.
4. Cheree’s friend Gabriella who was living now with Con®5
5. Con® (Brad thought) was quite a bit older than (Brad would have liked
for) Gabriella but was loaded (or must have been because he had a
highly lucrative “original”, award-winning string of combined gourmet food,
homewares, computer and electronics shops in all the eastern capitals
(but not Canberra) plus also Newcastle and Wagga where he’d started
out
6. Entitled: “Nature ‘Deluxe’: Wilderness? In these heels?”
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veniently end the very day they [i.e. as it will turn out, Cheree, Brad,
Simon and Eurydice] all arrived in Bellingen™) could travel up with
Cheree and Simon, which would be “fun” because Eurydice had never
driven up the coast because she and Gabriella had always flown be-
cause of once (“the only time she had driven past Newcastle”) when
Eurydice got carsick. But she (Eurydice) was older now and Gabriella
needed to stop overprotecting the “poor kid”, and Eurydice7 could see
maybe Seal Rocks or Crescent or maybe one of the other “good old
places”8

And then he could fly back to Sydney after maybe staying a couple

7. “Poor kid,” as Simon used to say, “only someone like Gabriella would have
thought of such a what-kind-of-name-is-that kind of name” as Eurydice.
8. To be seen on the several and various scenic routes, detours, dirt roads,
&c where they (he and Brad and various mates, girlfiends &c) used to camp
and go surfing and smoke joints in “the old days”.
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of days with Cheree and Simon because where they
were staying had two bedrooms didn’t it and maybe
he could look up a few old friends who had moved
up to:a. Darkwood such as Rob®9and Kirra10, (and
didn’t the bed and breakfast where they [Cheree
and Brad and now him, but only, in his case for a
couple of days] were staying have a queen-size, or
so the glossy brochure said, in the second bed-

9. Renowned permaculturalist and bamboo guru who still had a place there
although he spent half his time in Sydney now,
10.The post-feral, re-birthed possibly lesbian (but not exclusively as he had
both in theory [in discussion over Cabernot-Merlot11] and practice [in bed
over one another] confirmed) chick he had met in a massage workshop at
“The Global”, and who (he thought) was probably the reason12 Gabriella
had left him (along with the fact that Gabriella “had always been such a
stuck-up bitch”).
11. Two bottles@8.3 Standard drinks per bottle
12. Only one of the reasons. There was also alcohol and various recreational
drugs and some of his grungy mates and never cleaning the house and fart-
ing while he was eating and listening to crap music and always playing com-
puter games and never looking after Eurydice, who, nevertheless, much to
Gabriella’s intense irritation and chagrin still absolutely adored and doted
on Simon and thought he was “fun”.
13. Whom he’d gone to uni with and who had made a real estate killing and
sold up and “semi-retired” very early up there and were sitting on a small
fortune in a huge mansion on the Never® Never® (the river, not a loan).
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 room); and b. The Promised Land® where Kirsten and Jona-
thon13 lived; and c. Kalang (if Davo still lived there since he’d
broken up with what ‘s her name); and d. Dorrigo™ (where he
was thinking he might just have a look at buying some land be-
cause everyone knew it was destined to be the latest hot North
Coast real estate Mecca®); and e. Valla (where &c), before he
&c........ It was win win win win win win..14.

The trip went like a dream - the latest cool, sexy, stylish, sophis-
ticated, deeply satisfying, hauntingly beautiful, mysterious, moonlit,
sunlit, thrill-a-minute, deep and meaningful, intoxicating, 98% fat
free, character building, madcap romp of a, natural wonderland
of a, roll model of a, low pressure, carefree, high humidity, high-
octane, gay and lesbian, pollution free, factor 30, neutral toned,
dolphin-charged, star-studded, latte drinking, pet free, erotic,
aquifer-fed, romantic, discrete, crazy, pristine, exotic, native,
digital, quirky, sensuous, gluten-free, low cholesterol, high defini-
tion, non-pirated, low sodium, 100% natural, silicon enhanced, rose
coloured, semi-autobiographical, low kilojoule, fully imported, weed

14. i.e. for all concerned, i.e. for Cheree, Brad, Eurydice, Gabriella, Con®,
(and - if he caught up with them - Rob, Kirsten, Jonathon, Kirra, and Davo)
and, although he had had to put himself out a bit, for him (Simon) too.

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 free, Booker prize winning, custom made, drug-induced, mono-un-
saturated, stereotypically, fun for all the family, unbridled success
of a, 100% organic, self-referential, bi-partisan, frost free, adrena-
line rush of a, hyperglycaemic, old fashioned, carbon neutral, free
to air, free range, peanut free, wilderness experience of a, fully
funded, equal opportunity, much anticipated, much vaunted, fully
aroused, neutral pH, cable fed, grain fed, vegetarian, wild at heart,
periurban, while-u-wait, fully landscaped, standby, hard-wired, en-
vironmentally friendly, botoxed, grass fed, glass-bottomed, classic,
tongue in cheek, o’nite, foreign language, retropostmodern, online,

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 palpitating, trembling, continuous, creamy, hilarious, come-what-
may dream of a dream.

Questions:
1. Who would-have/could-have ever doubted it?
2. And if so when/why/how?
3. And would/could/should ecotourism in Bellingen™ ever be any-
thing but exactly just like that?
(Answers on p. 69)

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