Running head: JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

Just, Shut the Fuck Up: Silence as the Key to Liberation

By Cody Taft

Final Paper

Presented to the faculty of Senior Project Seminar II in the BA Contemplative Psychology Department of Naropa University in partial fulfillment for the degree of Bachelor of Arts

Naropa University May 2013

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

Just, Shut the Fuck Up: Silence as the Key to Liberation

By Cody Taft

__________________________________________ Cody Taft Student __________________________________________ Kyle Sorys Peer Reader _________________________________________ Jason Appt, MA Faculty _________________________________________ Tammy Lea McKaskle, MA Professional Assistant

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

Copyright 2013 by Cody Taft All rights reserved

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION Acknowledgements I would like to thank my parents Ofelia and Matthew Corrington for raising me as they did, my sister Ambree who is growing up to be such an amazing woman, my grandmother Gaynell Taft for being my solid rock, and my grandmother Beatrice Gonzalez for always being there for me. Thank you Chogyam Trungpa for bringing this school into existence! Thank you to all of the Naropa teachers and faculty, especially my psych teachers Jason Appt, Carole Clements, Frank Berliner, and Robert Diehl. Your classes changed my life! Thanks to my brothers from another mother Ben and Luke Berry, I am so grateful to have you two in my life, and I love

you very much!!! Thanks to Cody Popejoy for bitch slapping my ego when I told him the name of the paper, and he asked when are you gonna put that into practice, love you man! Thanks to Sonia Temkin for allowing me to write this about her, I love you! Thanks to Jamie Knowlton and Colleen Basham for being snuggle bunnies and work buddies, I love you both so much! Thanks to all of the students and friends who have helped to hold me up through this, I love you all!

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

Dedication This paper is dedicated to every jewel in Indras net, which means every single one of you! I dedicate this to all of us waking up to our true nature and living the most liberated beautiful lives we can live.

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

Table of Contents Abstract It Begins The Learnd Astronomer Fear of Freedom Sunyata Inner Silence Nirvana Indras Net Music as Meditation Listen Death The Challenge Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 12 Page 15 Page 19 Page 21 Page 22 Page 24 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION Abstract

This paper explains why silence the key to liberation. The nature of thoughts and where they come from is defined, and techniques to help an individual learn how to be silent within the mind are provided. The author utilizes Buddhist texts on that nature of reality, to elucidate his point as to why individuals should actually be silent towards the thoughts in their mind rather than attempt to silence them. The author also uses his own experience to show the benefits of silence and shows what might be heard within it. The practice of listening to music and its affect on the mind is also explored. Key words: silence, buddhism, liberation, music, freedom, fear, sunyata

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION Just, shut the fuck up! Silence as the Key to Liberation There are two very important statements I have heard in my life. The first I was taught from a very early age. Any time someone spoke to me it seemed to be their underlying message. In any classroom I was in, it was the hidden teaching. Everyone seemed to be saying, and wanting me to say I know some-thing. For a long time I strived for this, I wanted so bad to know some-thing. For, if I knew some-thing, I would have some-thing to offer the world around me. I would be able to engage in conversation, giving some-thing to others. The world in which we live is based in this. We all want to know some-thing, so that we have some-thing to

hold on to. For what if there was no-thing? This is where the next statement comes in to play. The next statement came from my own experience of the true nature of reality, and in this I began to say, I know no-thing. And I really did know no-thing. I knew no-thing with all of my being. It was infinitely immense. There was no-thing that could be said about it that would encompass it completely. I could not sum it up, by calling it some-thing; I could only know no-thing in silence. Silence is what this paper is about, and by the end, I will have answered these questions: 1. What does Buddhism say about no-thing? 2. How can we come to know no-thing, and why would we want to? 3. Why would we afraid of no-thing, and what keeps us from knowing no-thing? 4. Are there techniques and practices that we may come to know no-thing? 5. How does no-thing, birth some-thing? 6. How can music help us to know no-thing? 8

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION The Learnd Astronomer Walt Whitman (1968) elucidates clearly the predicament of knowing something and no-thing in his poem The Learned Astronomer When I heard the learnd astronomer; When the proofs, the figures, were arranged in columns before me, When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;

When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room, How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick; Till rising and gliding out, I wanderd off by myself; In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time, Lookd up in perfect silence at the stars. (p. 256) The poem starts with the narrator listening to a lecture by a learnd astronomer. This astronomer and his knowledge represent the side of knowing some-thing; and he sure does, for he has proofs, figures, columns, charts and diagrams that can be added, divided and measured. He seems to know some-thing about astronomy, and perhaps even a few some-things. The world is filled with these kinds of people. The scientists, bankers, lawmen, philosophers, teachers, bosses, and dogmatic religious preachers love to tell everyone else how life is. Though very few of them actually provide any experiential exercises that allow the listener to experience what they are telling them. What have these learned men really taught, but facts that can be spread and regurgitated to another? There is nothing novel in 9

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION facts. They do not change, they do not move, and they do not grow. The only they can do is die, for if someone finds another fact that makes more sense, the old fact ceases to exist. The audience is expected to take the facts for what they are, and

10

hopefully not question the learnd man too much. It seems rather silly to hold onto or even waste time disseminating these facts. In the poem, it seems that the narrator had the same feeling as he became tired and sick, listening to the learnd astronomer. Next the narrator backs up the idea of silence and knowing no-thing, in the next line when he says he wanderd off into the moist night-air, and from time to time, lookd up in perfect silence at the stars. There is a huge difference from knowing some-thing like the astronomer or knowing no-thing, in the mystery of night and perfect silence. For knowing no-thing is to be imbued with mystery, anything is possible, and the idea of infinity is suggested, just as it is when one looks up at the stars in the silent night. There is a feeling and an experience that comes with this, that cannot be put into words. It is priceless and timeless and can only be shared by showing another person the doorway to experience and letting them have their own. This is the power of knowing no-thing. The giving is the gift of permission for another to experience something new and personal to them, not by ruining the surprise or mystery with facts and explanations of how it all works, which will inherently limit their understanding of the world around them, and limit the possibilities of their reality. There is very little in life that will keep my attention while someone tells me all about life, leaving little to the imagination and inspiring me in no way. For if the individual feels that they must tell me of their experience, and I cannot witness their

10

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

11

wisdom and insight through their daily activities outside of their lectures, then I do not want anything to do with them. Anyone can memorize or make up facts. Anyone can prove their point given enough evidence, and anyone can find their evidence given enough time. So this does nothing for me. However I was not always this way. When I was younger I listened to everything anyone told me. Facts were what I lived for and I longed for someone to tell me what to do or show me the way. Eventually however I began to think for myself, and began to wonder about the mysterious parts of life. This started with religious and philosophical debates, and eventually led to my interest in psychedelic mushrooms. It was during this experience that I was shown for the first given a glimpse into reality in a way I had never seen it before. I witnessed a cosmic swirling or clouds, and trees and grass and even my friends who sat around me. I let out a yell as this swirl began to suck me in, and as I did my friends looked at me for a sec, and then went back to talking. I laughed at the absurdity of it all. Everything I thought I knew of reality and how it worked was no up for grabs and I loved it. My mind was open unlike ever before. Potential and possibility had no limits, and I had no desire to seek for anything more than the immense infinite moments that I had. Later I would find ancient Vedic and Buddhist texts that seemed to describe perfectly the experiences I had of infinitude, limitlessness, oneness and interconnectedness of everything in existence. From then on I began to explore meditation and Buddhism, for further affirmations of what could have been hallucinations, but in actuality was the true nature of reality beginning to expose itself to me. It was terrifying for it shook me to my core. No longer could I hold onto my previous beliefs and I tried to make sense of the from

11

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

12

my new framework, though that seemed unfruitful, so I had to allow this framework to build around me, never forgetting the true nature, the groundlessness, and respecting the chaotic infinitude I live within, and remaining flexible with beliefs, theories and ideas, for I know of the impermanence and constant flux that is inherent in nature. Why are humans so quick to grab hold of these ideals and beliefs, that they will sacrifice all intelligent self-introspection and reflection in order to fall in line with the crowd? Why do humans always want a voice in their head, telling them this is right or wrong, or that they must do this and not that? What is so terrifying about making ones own decisions? What is so frightening about stepping into Whitmans mystical moist night-air, and from time to time, look up in perfect silence at the stars (p. 257). Fear of Freedom Freedom can be frightening; Totalitarianism can be tempting. If a man cannot live with freedom, He will probably turn to fascism. The above quotes are from the book jacket of Erich Fromms Escape From Freedom or as it was published outside of the United States, Fear of Freedom. This book examines one of the core tenants of this paper, examining why we are so reluctant to be silent and to observe life truthfully in its infinite mystery, in other words to know no-thing. Fromm posits that freedom is a burden that comes with immense responsibility, that being:

12

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION That man, the more he gains freedom in the sense of emerging from the original oneness with man and nature and the more he becomes an individual, has no choice but to unite himself with the world in the

13

spontaneity of love and productive work or else to seek a kind of security by such ties with the world as destroy his freedom and the integrity of his individual self (p. 37-38) So Fromm is saying that the more freedom that man gains by becoming an individual, having left the womb and given the responsibility and free will to do as he pleases, that he then must also unite with the world or will find security in something else by giving up his freedom. This is a daunting task that humanity is given. Obviously it would be much easier to do as someone says, rather than have to decide and navigate for oneself their place in the world, especially if at the core one does not agree with parts of it. Fromm elaborates on freedom as the spontaneous activity of the total, integrated personality, later describing spontaneous activity as not compulsive but of ones free will (p. 285). One might begin to even more the weight of this burden of freedom with these statements, as he speaks of the total, integrated personality, for what does that mean? Fromm explains this by saying: One premise for this spontaneity is the acceptance of the total personality and the elimination of the split between reason and nature; for only if man does not repress essential parts of his self, only if he has become transparent to himself, and only if the different spheres of life have reached a fundamental integration, is spontaneous activity possible (p. 285).

13

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

14

The burden gets heavier here, when he mentions the absence of repression of parts of himself and becoming transparent to himself. This is no easy task and I believe that for many people, this fear of transparency and seeing their true selves is too daunting of a task. For what would it mean to encounter oneself and to see all of those tiny aspects of ourselves that we do not want to see? We are complex individuals complete with light and shadow aspects. There are parts of us that are not pleasant to look at. We love to repress these and pretend like others have those but not us. One can often see glimpses of these aspects of oneself when encountering people, or stories of people, whom may have performed atrocious acts, and it is hard or impossible to look at their lives, and see any kind of compassion. To refuse to find compassion for fellow humans and their conditions, knowing that infinite factors contributed to their acting out in the way that they did, it is usually a sure sign of repression within oneself, and an inability to see that all people are capable of heinous events and that is terrifying. To look at a killer, and know that they are responsible for their actions, and that they did it any way, might bring up the question of whether or not, given the exact circumstances of that person, one would do the same. That fear, that burden of responsibility is so heavy that many people turn to some authority to tell them how to be and how not to be. That authority could be religion, science, peer-pressure from friends, unhealthy relationship power dynamics, or even fascism. This all coming from the fear of taking responsibility for the infinite freedom with which one is gifted and that grows more and more from birth.

14

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION One way of security and authoritarian surrender that is often overlooked because it is so praised in the world is scientific insight and knowledge of something. Surrender is often what people are doing when they say they know something and they so desperately want to tell someone about it. Perhaps they want to

15

blow someones mind, perhaps they want to convince others of their predicament or hope that they will join them on their side, for they are terrified of being alone and experiencing the true emptiness that is at the nature of reality. Surrendering to some belief system and spreading the word is a form of destroying freedom, just as fascism is, and I have been this person. I have been the know-it-all that wanted everyone to know what I knew. I knew that I knew some-thing of importance and I loved the power that came along with it. Fromms (1968) questioning of mans lust for power rings true when he asks is it the strength of their vital energy or is it a fundamental weakness and inability to experience life spontaneously and lovingly, because I think that is exactly what I was doing, pushing away true spontaneous loving life in exchange for preaching what I knew to the people that needed it. This is why I am so reluctant to hear from people preaching or simply teaching because, as it was in my case, I suspect they are compensating for an actual lack in their own life. After attempting to preach my gospel I eventually came to realize that that would not work at all. That what I really needed to be was silent. I do not mean that I did not speak at all, but that I spoke more with my actions rather than my speech, unless someone asked something of me. Often they would ask something of me, after witnessing how I lived my life. This felt much more fulfilling, and provided space for others to express themselves in whatever spontaneous way

15

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION they felt, having witnessed someone else do the same. Silence speaks very loudly,

16

and I would not have experienced this without encountering inner silence, in which an infinite space was allowed to emerge and help me realize I was filled with and immersed in this space. Sunyata In silence, anything is possible. Anything and everything arises out of silence, all of reality comes from it, and there is an anticipation that can come with silence, often in the form of anxiety, because there is so much potential. This is why so many people are afraid of the dark, and I speak from experience. I remember not too long ago being on the back porch of my house, behind which, was a huge pasture. It was the middle of the night, after midnight, and there were no streetlights on. It was so dark, and my mind started racing. I started to imagine all sorts of things, alien abductions specifically, which were both stimulating, exciting, in some ways inviting, but at the same time so full of the unknown and possibilities beyond anything I could imaging, that I got scared of actually confronting that unknown and had to go inside. The void and silence can be truly terrifying; I completely understand that so many people are afraid of it and specifically afraid of the freedom that it provides, freedom here, speaking to potential and possibility. To help illuminate this, there is a scenario and question I posit to friends of mine occasionally when we get into discussions of this matter. I propose to them that if a door were to suddenly appear before us, wherever we are at the moment, a door magically appears before us, would we walk through it. We have no idea whats on the other side, we have no idea where it leads, what will happen to us, but the fact

16

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

17

that a door did just appear in front of us is undeniable. This should give a flavor to the type of predicament that silence and freedom provide. There is no communication whatsoever of what is behind the door, and we have the freedom to walk through, and also the burden of responsibility for the consequences of our decision. What would you do? No doubt it would be terrifying to walk into that unknown territory, but also what an opportunity to walk through and experience something unlike ever before. There are so many amazing possibilities it could be and it could also be absolutely nothing, leading to the other side of the room, and the experience over. So there is a perspective of looking at this void that might help with the anxiety and fear of silence and choice, and hopefully allowing one to look at the door, rather than completely ignore it or just walk away, on perhaps the opportunity of a lifetime. There is an old Sanskrit term used in Buddhism called sunyata, which is commonly translated as void or empty-ness. The root of this word, is sunya, which translates to no-thing. So sunyata is no-thingness. So to experience sunyata would be to know no-thing. David Loy (1996), describes sunyata as so: the root su, which means to be swollen, Like a hollow balloon but also like a pregnant woman therefore the usual English translation empty and emptiness needs to be supplemented with the notion of pregnant with possibilities. Rather than sunyata being a negative concept, Nagarjuna emphasizes that it is only because everything is sunya that any change, including spiritual transformation, is possible. (p. 89)

17

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION So, there is a slight translation problem, for sunyata is not empty but is actually

18

pregnant with potential. It is actually everything, which can be called no-thing, for it is not one thing. It is from sunyata that everything is born. Sunyata is a place of infinite chaos and flux, and once more we come up against the burden of freedom. For with sunyata there is ultimate freedom, ultimate potential, but no ground on which to stand, except the chaos and potential that is the emptiness. If you know sunyata you know no-thing, and there is no better place to be. It is from here that all life is born and in this state of potential. From nowhere everything is born. To know no-thing, is to know the pregnant womb of creation, to realize one is a part of it and emerging constantly from it. There is no way to possess any quality of it, for it is absent of qualities. The self is not separate from this either, so the self is also absent of qualities and is sunyata as well. There is absorption almost, that in reality is a realization of the fundamental groundless empty ground of reality. Sunyata is the groundlessness that comes with silence, though one must be careful when approaching it and not making a theory of Sunyata. For that would not be silence. Minds are tricky and they will use anything, any concept in order to preserve the sense of self and to keep from experiencing any sort of death. Loy (1996) quotes the Mulamadhyamikakarikas saying, the spiritual conquerors have proclaimed sunyata to be the exhaustion of all theories and views those or whom suntan is itself a theory they declared to be incurable...Sunyata is a guiding, not a cognitive, notion, presupposing the everyday (p. 88). This is what I have meant by saying that to know some-thing is limiting but to know no-thing is infinite and limitless. Knowing no-thing is an experience not a notion of the mind or a theory.

18

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

19

Saying sunyata is a guiding, is the most helpful as like with all sign posts, once you reach your destination the signs are of no use Inner Silence One of the most difficult places to experience silence is within our own minds. I have spoken before about outward silence, but all of this applies to where the real challenge is, within the mind and body. Inside of the mind, with thought is usually the noisiest place of all. When it gets too noisy, one usually starts to overflow into speech, or find someway to numb the mind to not hear it. This is not true silence, for it is just a muffle, or like earplugs, the void/emptiness of our mind is the true silence that should be sought. It is here where, if silent one can begin to listen to all of the habitual patterns, the discursive thoughts and all of the stories one tells itself. Listening to these, sometime for the first time, can be truly unsettling. It can be just as scary as walking through the door, experiencing sunyata, the full, and chaotic void of the mind. It is hard to admit that that is what is going on in the mind. Would not one want the mind to be pristine and clean and orderly, however that is not the case, the mind is full, and if one listens and allows the thoughts to arise, one will be truly surprised at the contents under the surface, and once again thats scary. It is like looking under a dark lake, that no one has traveled to the bottom of. What could be underneath is anyones guess, and that is unsettling considering this is an analogy of the mind. The last thing anyone wants to admit is that they do not have it all figured out, that they might be a little scatterbrained, and they might have some thoughts in their head that they would rather not share with people. This fear can be so great that some people go as far as to not admit to themselves that they have

19

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION these thoughts, or that their mind might not be the most tame, most clear, or most pure. So, a great alternative to experiencing reality, is talking, a lot, out loud and

20

within oneself. People tell themselves so many stories that keep them from hearing what is really underneath and at the core of their mental activity. The challenge is once again to shut up and listen! There is nothing wrong with thoughts, there is nothing wrong with the thoughts anyone has thought, they are thoughts and nothing more. Thoughts do not define an individual; thoughts are not the individual. There is no need to attach to them and hold onto them like a possession. There is a tendency to do this that comes from our striving to know some-thing, so one may try to know the thought, to have the thought as if it was a possession. These thoughts do not even have to originate within oneself, for they can be ways of life, or belief systems that one has adopted from others as their own, usually because totalitarianism, or having some other authority in control is much easier than actually figuring out ones path and way of life of their own accord. Listening closely and not attaching or clinging to those thoughts will allow them to dissipate and then one can hear a voice that has been there forever. It is not a know some-thing voice, but a know no-thing voice. This analogy should help. The mind is like a pond. When one first begins to investigate the mind they will discover that there are many waves, it is not settled at all, and one cannot even see ones own reflection because of all the distortion. It would be nice to see the reflection, for selfreflection is a great tool for growth. So how does one stop the waves and ripples? The first technique many people try to use, is to force the ripples to stop, we can try to counter the ripples with other ripples and hope to stop the distortion, but that

20

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION wont work. The only way to stop the waves and ripples is to shut up and let the ripples stop. It is the stories and attempts at trying to stop the mind that keep

21

perpetuating the storm. If one can just be quiet and still, then the waves and ripples will stop. The waves and ripples in this metaphor are the thoughts and stories that constantly preoccupy the mind that prevent one from experience the purity of the pond. Instead of a conglomeration of waves and ripples, the mind becomes the whole pond. It is vast and deep, filled with treasures, but there is no need to try to identify with any certain wave or anything else, but just to observe the silent reflection that its purity provides. NIRVANA Though no definition could truly do it justice, the state of mind being hinted towards now is what has been called Nirvana. This is a sanksrit word meaning liberation, or being free of suffering. This statement from Loy backs up what has been said so far: The very coming to rest, the nonfunctioning of perceptions as signs of all named things, is itself nirvanawhen verbal assertions cease, named things are in repose, and the ceasing to function of discursive thought is ultimate serenity. Meaning to stop trying to name things as things, separating oneself in essence from them, then those things are allowed to just be and by allowing discursive thoughts to cease we find what Loy refers to here as ultimate serenity. What can barely be hinted at with beautiful words like nirvana, liberation, freedom, and ultimate serenity is the end result, that is not a finish line, but more so the experience that happens when one finally shuts up and stops labeling the world around them. People talk too much. A great young lyricist from Compton, California

21

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION named Kendrick Lamar (2012, track 2) says it best when he says my new years

22

resolution is to stop all of pollution, talk to mother fuckin much, I got my drink I got my music, I say bitch dont kill my vibe. It really is like polluting the minds and the environment when one has a tendency to speak or think too much, and everyone is guilty of it. One is actually covering up true reality with a fog of pollution disguised as language and knowledge, though often it is only a temporary and feeble attempt to prevent oneself from having to actually face the infinite, impermanent, chaotic, groundless, reality that takes impeccable awareness and wakefulness to truly encounter without complete and utter destruction. And even that is not certain. Indras Net The language that humans use is useful to communicate things to others, but in no way does it help to experience true reality for which there are no words, except by being a guide along the way. To think that one can name something and it truly give that object the ultimate respect that it deserves is preposterous. This is a feeble attempt to know some-thing, and it should be known that this attempt is indeed feeble; it is in no way doing justice to the nature of an objects reality. If one ceases to limit objects in the world to the names humans have applied to them, and actually begin to see them for what they are, they become something incredible. There is a beautiful Buddhist metaphor that Loy (1996) references to describe the interconnectedness of all things called Indras net, that helps describe the infinite nature of all objects in reality; it goes like this:

Far away in the heavenly abode of the great god Indra, there is a wonderful net which has been hung by some cunning artificer in such a manner that it

22

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

23

stretches out infinitely in all directions. In accordance with the extravagant tastes of deities, the artificer has hung a single glittering jewel in each "eye" of the net, and since the net itself is infinite in dimension, the jewels are infinite in number. There hang the jewels, glittering "like" stars of the first magnitude, a wonderful sight to behold. If we now arbitrarily select one of these jewels for inspection and look closely at it, we will discover that in its polished surface there are reflected all the other jewels in the net, infinite in number. Not only that, but each of the jewels reflected in this one jewel is also reflecting all the other jewels, so that there is an infinite reflecting process occurringIt symbolizes a cosmos in which there is an infinitely repeated interrelationship among all members of the cosmos. This relationship is said to be one of simultaneous mutual identity and mutual inter-causality. (p. 90)
This metaphor points to the idea that all reality from the tiniest pieces of atomic matter to the largest galaxies are all reflecting each other infinitely. So that to actually call a table a table would be limiting, for one would have to refer to every person that helped make it, every person that touched the table, rubbing a tiny bit of its wood away, every ray of sunshine and drop water that it took to grow the tree, every piece of food that all the loggers ate that sustained them so that they could cut it down, every bug that made a home in the tree, carving out crevasses that show up on the tabletop, and every generation that came before every organism that had any contact with the table, the tree, the logger, or anyone who touched the table, and we

23

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

24

would have to continue ad infinitum to even begin to mention every detail of what that table is. So words are limiting, though are useful, allowing communication between one another, but they gloss over true reality and make it too easy to forget the beauty that is contained in every moment lived. To truly experience the table, one would have to see the interconnectedness with oneself and the table. One would actually be experiencing every bit of reality for eternity, infinitely reflecting each other like the jewels of Indras Net, and this is the experience of ultimate serenity. It is possible to experience life in this way, if one shuts the fuck up! Every moment of experience is not just a tiny fragment, but intimately connected to an immense flow and wave of reality that has no beginning or end, and to be that wave without having to think that one is, is where Nirvana is experienced. There is a quote by Chandrakirti, an Indian scholar from 600-650 CE, from The Lucid Exposition of the Middle way by Mervyn Sprung. The quote speaks to the perfected one, a term often given to one who has attained Buddha-hood, and the state of discursive thoughts as perceived by that mind: But, in truth, the perfected one indulges neither in ontologizing thought nor in phantasies because, O Santamati, a perfected one is freed from all ontologizing thought, all flights of phantasy, all innate thought patterns, and from everything with name.' To quote, 'Inexpressible, beyond language are the elements of existence, tranquil, pure and devoid of being; one who knows them so is called a Bodhisattva, a Buddha.' (p. 263) Beyond language are the elements of existence, tranquil pure and devoid of being 24

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION are the words that elucidate the act of silence, quieting the minds words and allowing existence to be pure as it is. (Sprung, p. 263) Music and Meditation

25

The most potent wisdom that comes from being silent is the natural process of listening. This is a listening with no preconceived notion and no attempt to make sense of what is being heard. It is a listening with ones full being, in which the sounds and sensations being experienced are just that, an experience with no definition attached. While listening in this way, even sensations felt before can be felt in a completely novel and new way than experienced before. The best example and practice of this is listening to music. When listening to music there are a few options; in one instance one can hear a song and begin to anticipate the next sounds, lyrics, notes, etc., specifically in a song one has heard before, one can dwell and allow words that one has heard and allow the mind to attach itself and define or contemplate those sounds, or one can in a sense become the sounds, taking them in as they are and seemingly getting lost or taken away by the sounds. There is a way to listen to music that is much the same as mentioned before with the table. The sounds are sounds and they come in and are followed by new sounds and it continues on and on. There is a feeling of infinitude when one allows oneself to simply be the sounds that are present. There is no attachment to the sounds or anticipation of the next ones. It is a practice of being present with the moment, which is not just a specific point in time but a continuous wave of experience, and becoming one with the wave of sounds. For example, when one listens to music with lyrics, specifically a song already known, it can become very easy to sing the 25

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION lyrics along when they come, which is a sense of knowing some-thing, rather than knowing no-thing, which would be an experience of allowing oneself to hear the lyrics as if for the first time. I experience this often when listening to songs I have

26

heard over and over, and am tempted to sing along, however when I allow myself to truly listen again, the lyrics can take on a whole different meaning because I am in a different location, in space and time than I have ever been before while listening to the same song. The lyrics hit me in a completely different way and I can sometimes even hear words that I thought I knew and realize that there is a meaning, that I am not making, but that is made just by actively listening and not participating in the meaning making, besides the action of stepping out of the way by shutting up, but allowing a meaning to form, that is novel and more fulfilling than ever before, because this is the ultimate reality that people are searching for. By listening, the sounds of the lyrics can be received in a way I have never have conceived of before and I can experience any song again as if for the first time. This is the gift of silence and listening. All moments no matter how similar they seem to a previous moment, are all novel. I have noticed that when I actually am singing along it is an attempt to know some-thing, that some-thing being the lyrics or that I know what the artist is singing about. By allowing myself to be open to new possibilities every word is a new experience, and even the most mundane seemingly repetitive experience is an experience of the ultimate serenity spoken of earlier. So in this way, listening to music, truly listening with an open body and mind, is a spiritual practice, especially when listening to music we think we know because we have heard it so many times over. It can be practice and preparation for every other aspect of reality in which

26

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION we think we know, but in actuality that knowing cannot be known with our discursive thoughtful mind. The composer John Cage who took many of his

27

philosophies from Buddhism related his experience to music, sound and silence in this way: When I hear what we call music, it seems to me that someone is talking, and talking about his feelings or about his ideas, of relationships. But when I hear traffic, the sound of traffic here on sixth avenue for instance, I dont have the feeling that anyone is talking, I have the feeling that a sound is acting, and I love the activity of sound. What it does, is it gets louder and quieter, and it gets higher and lower. And it gets longer and shorter. Im completely satisfied with that; I dont need sound to talk to me. (jdavidm, 2007) In this statement, Cage brings in the idea of listening to the complexity and novelty of traffic. When one is truly listening and not wanting something from the sensory experience, even something as seemingly mundane as traffic can be a novel blissful experience. No moment is ever repeated and every moment is novel if one chooses to hear it. Life cannot be made sense of if one really wants to experience it in its fullest. The discursive thoughts and fears of letting it happen in a way that might not fit the status quo and may not fit within a regimen of meaning making that keeps one from actually living it to its fullest are what keeps one from seeing this. For to actually let go and allow it to life to live, one can gain trust that life knows how to live of its own accord.

27

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION Listen

28

This is not to say that one does not listen to ones own body and its intuitive capacity to experience fear when life is threatened, so that one allows oneself to remain in situations that are dangerous. Listening requires a holistic listening to the environment and the inner self, and even the thought of those being separate must be quieted so that one can experience the totality of interconnectedness of life, revealing all potentialities, possibilities and limitations of every given moment. This technique of listening to music is not too different from samatha vipassana meditation. This type of meditation requires an individual to simply sit in a comfortable posture with their eyes open, being aware of the outer reality and paying attention to thoughts when they come, noticing them as they come and not attaching to them, but simply noticing they are thoughts and continuing to observe. Paying attention to the breath is the key here to bring ones awareness to the present moment, and is a tool to come back to the present when thoughts begin to make ones mind drift. In this meditation, just like the previously prescribed method of listening to music, one simply observes reality, specifically the inner reality composed of thought. One observes when attachment to thought happens, when repressing of thoughts happens, and when one can actually just watch them go by, realizing they are simply flowing through and that there is no need to define them or ones self by them. At this point one can be the river of life, and know how to flow and allow experience to flow. The river never has to second guess where it is going, it knows, and life does not have to be any different, and in fact it can not be if one wants a life that will be as awake and aware as it can be. 28

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

29

So one must begin to listen to ones life, not intercepting it over and over with thoughts as they come, creating more waves and waves of dissonance and strife. There is no need to perpetuate strife, resistance, or suffering if it previously exists. One must simply be aware and honest to ones experience. David Loy (1996) speaks to this when he says the true revolution beings in the individual who can be true to his or her depression, and suffering can be substituted for depression in this case (p. 58). One must be true to their suffering and not try to make sense or escape from it in ontological system making that the mind loves to do to protect the self from experiencing the seeming groundlessness that is reality. It is by the embracing of lifes experience, that one finds that all of it is impermanent and that it is only the meaning-making mind that attaches to experience and makes it so real that it seems as if there is no escape from it. Even further, listening to music that may at first seem horribly dissonant and unsettling is training for the mind to know that it can make it through unsettling, anxious and sometimes painful situations, for they are impermanent just as anything else is. Something must be made clear, that it is not the thoughts that are a problem but it is the reaction to those thoughts that create an issue. The thoughts are simply like the waves, and it is the reaction to the waves that creates either more waves or allows the waves to be and die down of their own accord. In Norman Waddells (1984) The Unborn, Zen Master Bankei speaks of thought in this way: what we call a thought is something that has already fallen one or more removes from the living reality of the Unborn, If you priest would just live in the Unborn, there would not be anything for me to tell you about it, and you would not be here listening to me (p. 29

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION 39). The Unborn mentioned here is synonymous with sunyata and the silence

30

spoken of before. The Unborn is the pregnant emptiness where everything lies, and from where everything rises. To remain in the Unborn is to remain silent, observing thoughts as they come and also knowing that they are at least one remove from the emptiness. They are not the true reality, yet also not separate from it, as they are all a part of Indras net. So the silence between thoughts is actually the important piece. It is there that one can realize the space from which they rise. To fill up that silence with other thoughts of words is what creates more disturbance. Daniel Levitin (2007) describes Miles Davis use of space in the following quote: Miles Davis famously described improvisational technique as parallel to the way that Picasso described his use of a canvas: The most critical aspect of the world, both artists said, was not the objects themselves, but the space between objects. In Miless case, he described the most important part of his solos as the empty space between notes, the air that he placed between one note and the next. (pp. 18-19) This concept of air is very important, for it points toward this idea of breath, and this is what must happen when experiencing reality in its purity. One must simply breath through the intensity and overwhelming experience of life in the raw. What happens most often is that when the intensity begins to come on, individuals will begin to think and escape the experience, or begin to speak, which interrupts the natural flow of breath.

30

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION THE CHALLENGE I offer a dare, a challenge to begin to experience this place, the place of

31

absolute insecurity and vulnerability. The place that no two people will experience the same, for once there, the you, and the I will have vanished. Upon returning one will have the experience of knowing no-thing, and the only way to relay this is to continue to be no-thing, providing a life by example. People may judge and condescend and ridicule, however if one truly knows no-thing and can remain silent in the mind as the attacks come, the obvious action or non-action will emerge. Surrender to this space that one can not define is the space that most religions are based on, and point towards, and those that encountered it came back and lived it, only being able to show the way to the door, never being able to fully explain or articulate what it actually is for they know no-thing. It is the challenge of all challenges, it is a dare to live a true and free life that provides an example for others, so that one might find the strength to be silent and allow ones life to unfold and flow like the river or the air. It is a challenge to go there, be there, and remain there, as few have, to show that although terrifying to step through, it is worth it, but not in any sense of worth that one has ever known. It is not a possessive knowing but a showing and being that will look as if the individual rides life rather than attempting to force it to bend to its will. By riding the wave, and individual builds trust in ones skill at maintaining awareness to ride, and also trust in the wave itself. This concept of encountering and diving into the abyss, void, sunyata, no-thingness, etc. is not just a human trait. Theories of ways to live life on Earth can be judged by if they can be found reflected in nature, and the concepts spoken of throughout this paper can be 31

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION

32

seen in the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. When a caterpillar builds and retreats into its chrysalis to transform into a butterfly something amazing happens inside. Just like daring to venture into the empty void of no-thing, the caterpillar is completely dissolved within the chrysalis and becomes no-thing. It is no longer a caterpillar but is now simply in potential. From this limbo state in which the once caterpillar, is now simply, what must seem to itself in chaotic flux, a butterfly will emerge and grow. The point is that for radical transformation to occur the caterpillar must die to itself completely dissolving its sense of self in order to transform into the beautiful flying butterfly. This is a capability of humans as well. If one is willing to undergo the dissolving process that will strip one of ones sense of the self being separate from other, then radical transformation is allowed to occur, often beyond our wildest dreams. Experiencing this interconnectedness drew me to the conclusion that every bit of existence is holding every other bit up, making up every node of Indras Net. Through this realization I built trust in the nature of existence, and found strength realized no one is every truly alone, and are always supported in the endless groundless net that makes up life. I found that this realization was only the beginning, and rather than some sort of attainment, it just became my rock and ground within an infinite chaotic universe that I live, and I know that I can trust it, and that everyone can trust it if they find the strength to shut the fuck up, and listen to the sound, of every glittering jewel as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it 32

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel, as it reflects every other glittering jewel

33

33

JUST, SHUT THE FUCK UP: SILENCE AS THE KEY TO LIBERATION References Cage, John. (2007, July 14). John Cage about silence [Video File]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcHnL7aS64Y Fromm, E. (1968). Escape from freedom. New York, New York: Avon Books Lamar, K. (2012). Bitch dont kill my vibe [Recorded by K. Lamar]. On Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City [CD]. Los Angeles, CA: Aftermath, Interscope. (October 22, 2012)

34

Levitin, D. J. (2007). This is your brain on music: The science of a human obsession. New York, NY: Plume Loy, D. (1996). Lack and transcendence: The problem of death and life in psychotherapy, existentialism and Buddhism. Amherst, NY: Humanity Books. Sprung, Mervyn. (1979). Lucid exposition of the middle way: The essential chapters from the Prasannapada of Candrakirti. Boulder, CO: Prajna Press. Waddell, N. 1984). The unborn: The life and teachings of zen master Bankei, New York, NY: North Point Press. Whitman, W. (1968). The works of Walt Whitman: The deathbed edition (Vol. 1). New York, NY: Funk & Wagnalls.

34