Personal Statement Anonymous Reader Feedback Form| Spring 2013 Please use this form to provide a combination of warm

and cool feedback for students (up to 5 brief comments) along with your suggestion for their Application Status. Rejected applications will be resubmitted after revisions have been made. In order to make this process helpful to students, constructive feedback is key.
Student ID #: 31079 Evaluator ID #:d Application Status (accepted/conditionally accepted/rejected): Organization and Focus (clear main ideas and supporting details, stays on topic) Positive Feedback: The last paragraphs tie the essay together in a nice little bow. Good use of book and library imagery throughout to keep with the theme. Suggestion for Improvement: After the first anecdote about the raccoon book, the middle section becomes somewhat unfocused. I didnt understand the tug-of-war part, and am not sure what youre getting at with at school there is impermanence. Remember who your audience is: someone who is reading a very large number of college entrance essays. Clever is going to lose out to clear every time. Originality (vivid details, fresh word choices, creativity, risk-taking) Positive Feedback: The essay is very creative, and was fun to read. I especially liked the play on bound near the end. Suggestion for Improvement: Mentions of books you have read without any connection to the rest of the narrative feel gratuitous. The essay may be a little overly creative, which significantly undermines clarity. Writers Voice (consistent throughout, engaging, conveys individual personality) Positive Feedback: Voice is consistent throughout. The writer has a definite writing style, which was well served by the material. Suggestion for Improvement: Be careful not to let style overwhelm content. See Organization section Freedom from Error (spelling, grammar, punctuation, usage) Positive Feedback: Great vocabulary. Suggestion for Improvement: When writing in this style (and on this topic) you set yourself a very high bar. Voracious readers can be very good writers: they have an expansive vocabulary, use a variety of sentence structures, and can tend toward the experimental, as you have here. Unfortunately, that makes minor mistakes in readability and construction all the more jarring. Paragraph 4, for example, is, But it wasnt the case. That may be grammatical, but it sounds wrong. The written speech style requires precise punctuation, yet there are a several inappropriate uses of colons and semicolons. If youre going to use this style, grammar, punctuation and usage must be perfect. Experimental riffs on the classic five paragraph essay are graded on a much steeper curve. Overall Success (interesting topic, clearly developed) Positive Feedback: Very good. The essay portrays a good reader and writer. Suggestion for Improvement: Creative writing obscures your overall theme.