Positive Discipline Concept Charts

0These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Behavior is Purposive
The goal of all behavior is to feel belonging and have significance. Misbehavior is from the mistaken belief about how to feel belonging and significance.

How beliefs are formed:

Belonging feeling a part of the group Significance believing you have something to contribute to the group
1These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Children are always making decisions

About themselves:
I am a hard worker I am lazy I can figure it out I need other people to help me

About others:
People are trustworthy People are not there for me People are fair People are critical

About the world:

The world around me is predictable The world is a scary place The world is full of resources The world is full of violence

Therefore, I must (to feel belonging)

2These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Children Thrive
when they find healthy ways to find belonging and significance. Misbehavior is a child's attempt to survive a perceived lack of belonging and significance. A Misbehaving Child is a Discouraged Child who mistakenly believes the only way to find belonging and significance is through some form of misbehavior. A Misbehaving Child is speaking in CODE. When we break the CODE we find that the child is saying, Im a child, and I just want to belong.
3These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Five Criteria for Effective Discipline

Helps a child feel a sense of connection. Is mutually respectful and encouraging. Is effective long-term. Teaches children important social and life skills. Helps children develop the belief that they are capable.
4These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Questions for Short-Term Results

1. How do I make a child mind me? 2. How do I make a child understand no? 3. How do I get a child to listen to me? 4. How do I get a child to cooperate (do what I say)? 5. How do I make this problem go away?

Questions for Long-Term Results

1. How do I help a child become capable? 2. How do I get into a childs world and support his or her developmental process? 3. How do I help a child feel belonging and significance by listening? 4. How do I help a child learn social and life (cooperation) skills, such as communication and problem solving? 5. How do I use this problem as an opportunity for learningfor children and for myself?
5These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Developing Relationships with Children According to the Dimensions of Kindness and Firmness
High Kindness

Freedom, No Order
(Permissive)

Freedom and Order

(Authoritative)

Low Firmness

High Firmness

No Freedom, No Order
(Neglect)

No Freedom, Order
(Authoritarian)

Low Kindness
Terry Chadsey

6These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

The Breathing Polarity Chart

L+
Oxygen

R+
Clean out CO2

INHALE

EXHALE

Too Much CO2

Lack of Oxygen

LTerry Chadsey

R-

7These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Brain in the Palm of the Hand

(Flipping Your Lid) Brain Stem-wrist
regulating survival body functions

Cortex-back of hand
receives information from hearing, sight, touch

Prefrontal Cortex-finger tips

Regulation of body through autonomic nervous system, emotion regulation, regulation of inter personal relationships, response flexibility, intuition, letting go of fears, morality

Midbrain-thumb tucked under fingers

Holds memory, emotions and the bodys safety radar
(make a fist with the thumb covered by the fingertips) TP pg. 85, Jody McVittie, MD

8These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Recovery: Mending Mistakes

Adapted by Ari Molina

1. Regather:
Make sure both of you have calmed down even if it means waiting.

2. Recognize:
Whoops, I made a mistake.

3. Responsibility:
Accept your responsibility in the mistake or conflict. Be specific: I yelled at you instead of waiting to calm down to tell you how I felt.

4. Reconcile:
Express regret: Im sorry. Do this briefly. Dont attempt to make yourself feel better by explaining things.

5. Resolve: (Resolve)
Share what you learned. Or, you might propose how you will take responsibility for preventing similar episodes. Or, you might invite the other persons help. How can we work on this together to make it better?

9These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Encouragement vs. Praise

The long range effect of encouragement is that it invites self-confidence. The long-range effect of praise invites dependence on others. Wondering whether the statements you make to children are praise or encouragement? Ask, 9 Am I inspiring self-evaluation or dependence on the evaluation of others? 9 Am I being respectful or patronizing? 9 Am I seeing the childs point of view or only my own? 9 Would I make this comment to a friend?
ENCOURAGEMENT TO A CHILD IS LIKE WATER TO A PLANT. WITHOUT IT, THEY WILL DIE ONE A PHYSICAL DEATH, THE OTHER EMOTIONAL.

10These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

The Four Mistaken Goals of Behavior

Undue Attention: I belong only when I have your attention or special service. Misguided Power: I belong only when Im winning, or at least when I dont let you win. Revenge: It hurts that I dont belong, but at least I can hurt back. Assumed Inadequacy: I give up, its impossible to belong.
11These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Four Mistaken Goals Chart

(TP pg. 205-207)

The Role Plays Role Play #1 Child Misbehaves Adult responds from column #3 Child responds from column #4 Role Play #2 Child repeats misbehavior Adult responds from column #7 Child responds

in the moment

12These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Four Rs of Punishment
Resentment: This is unfair.

I cant trust adults.

Revenge: They are winning now,

but Ill get even.

Rebellion: Ill do just the

opposite to prove I dont have to do it their way.

Retreat: Sneakiness I wont get caught next

time.
Reduced self-esteem Im a bad person.
13These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

FAMILY MEETINGS
(TP page 139)

Use a talking stick.

1. Give Compliments to each member:

I appreciate (compliment) _________ for _________because __________. Recipient replies, Thank you.

2. Reach a consensus on a 2 to 3 hour family activity. All ideas and opinions are valued Decide on the activity you all can live with. 3. Try this at home this week and add #4 below. (or just do #1 and #4) 4. Play a family game and have a dessert.

14These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Four Steps for Effective Follow-Through

(TP pg. 160)

1. Have a friendly discussion where everyone gets to voice his/her feelings and thoughts around the issue. 2. Brainstorm for possible solutions and choose one that both you and your child agree to. 3. Agree on a specific time deadline (to the minute).
4. Understand children well enough to

know that the deadline probably wont be met and simply follow through with your part of the agreement by holding them accountable.
15These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Four Traps that Defeat Effective Follow-Through

(TP pg. 160)

1. Wanting children to have the same priorities as adults. 2. Getting into judgments and criticism instead of sticking to the issue. 3. Not getting agreements in advance that include a specific time for the deadline. 4. Not maintaining dignity and respect for the child and yourself.

16These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Four Hints for Effective Follow-Through

1. Keep comments simple and concise. I notice you didnt mow the lawn; Would you please do that now. 2. In response to objections, ask, What was our agreement? 3. In response to further objections, shut your mouth and use nonverbal communication. (Point to your watch. Smile knowingly. Give a hug and point to your watch again.) 4. When the child concedes to keep the agreement (sometimes obviously annoyed) say, Thank you for keeping our agreement.
17These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

(TP pg. 161)

Four Rs and an H when Focusing on Solutions

A respectful consequence or solution is 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Related Respectful Reasonable Revealed in Advance And Helpful

18These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Listening - Effective and Ineffective

(TP pg. 197)

Two volunteers A and B 1. A shares a problem/ B gives

advice. Process. 2. A shares a problem/ B puts down, criticizes or gets angry or says nothing or walks away. Process. 3. A shares a problem/ B validates feelings using: You feel ________ because ________ and you wish _______. Process.

19These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

I Messages vs. Eye Messages

(PD for Preschoolers Facilitators Guide, pg. 46)

When ___________happens, I feel ____________ because __________. I would rather ________________ would happen instead.
Or

I dont like it when ____________ happens, and I feel _________. Im worried that _________________ might happen, and what Id rather see is ___________.
Young children: (Use a fake bug in one hand and a wand in the other to teach young children to express their feelings.)
(Suzanne Smitha)

It bugs me when ________________ and I wish __________________.

20These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Using Encouragement Effectively

Pay attention to timing Use an I message Withdraw from the conflict Make an appointment to get family meeting agenda Listen Use the four steps to cooperation Build on strengths, not weaknesses Engage in joint problem solving Focus on improvement Redirect misbehavior Support children in making amends
Avoid social pressure
21These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

together

Invite the child to put the issue on the

Using Encouragement Effectively (continued)

Plan scheduled special time Share saddest and happiest times of the day at bedtime Use encouragement instead of praise Avoid criticism. Ask the child, How would you like to improve? Encourage self-evaluation Take time for training Ask, What is your understanding of what we decided? Involve child in creating routine charts Teach that mistakes are opportunities to learn Ask curiosity questions, dont tell

Try a hug

(Positive Discipline, Revised, pg. 169-70)

22These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Sibling Fighting and The Four Bs

(PD for Preschoolers Facilitators Guide, pg. 105-107)

Build On It- The parent/teacher uses the

fighting to teach the young child what to do when people fight, and how to fight fairly. Children learn from others how to fight-usually in win-lose positions. Its a whole different thing when mutual respect enters a home/center.

Beat It The parent/teacher leaves. Bear It The parent/teacher stays but doesnt
get involved.

Boot Em Out The parent/teacher removes all

the children from the scene, saying, Its alright to fight, and you need to do it where its safer.
23These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Nine Temperaments
( TP Handout pg 67)

1. Activity Level (High/Low) 2. Rhythmicity (Predictable/Unpredictable body routine) 3. Initial Response (Approach/Withdrawal) 4. Adaptability (Adjusts Slowly/Adjusts Quickly to changes) 5. Sensory Threshold (High/Low to Touch, Sound, Taste, Sight, Smell) 6. Quality of Mood (Dark Side/Bright Side 7. Intensity of Reactions (Reaction to Stimuli--Displays Quiet Disappointment/Boisterous Disappointment 8. Distractibility (Easy Going/Intense) 9. Persistence and Attention Span (High/Low Response to a challenging task)
24These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Curiosity Questions
What happened? What do you think caused that to happen? How do you feel about what happened? What effect do you think this might have on others? What did you learn from this experience? How do you plan to solve the problem? How can I help?
25These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Empowering vs. Enabling

(TP pg. 129)

Enabling is: 1. Doing too much for them 2. Giving them too much 3. Over protecting/rescuing 4. Lying for them 5. Punishing/controlling 6. Living in denial 7. Fixing 8. Bailing them out

26These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Empowering vs. Enabling

(TP pg. 129)

Empowering is: 1. Listening and giving emotional support 2. Teaching life skills 3. Working on agreements 4. Letting go (without abandoning) 5. Deciding what you will do 6. Sharing what you think, how you feel, what you want 7. Sticking to the issue with dignity and respect

27These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

The Continuum of Change

(TP pg. 99)

Level of Awareness:

Unconscious

Skill Level:

Unskilled

Unskilled

Skilled

Feelings:

28These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.

Skilled

Unconscious

Conscious

Conscious

Top Card
(TP pg. 251)

Rejection and Hassles

Stress and Pain

Pleasing

Comfort

Criticism and Humiliation

Meaninglessness and Unimportance

Control

Superiority

29These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.