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TO TRAIN UP A CHILD MICHAEL&DEBIPEARL BY Permission to Reprint: We receive many requests to
TO TRAIN UP A CHILD MICHAEL&DEBIPEARL BY Permission to Reprint: We receive many requests to
TO TRAIN UP A CHILD
MICHAEL&DEBIPEARL BY
Permission to Reprint: We receive many requests to reprint our articles in other publications. All of our
publication clear material recognition is copyrighted to reprint be given our so articles that as to we the in can their source; maintain entirety, and the control. without article However, editing, must include on we the do our conditions hereby address grant that: and permission with an offer each to for reprint, receive any
our free newsletter. This permission is in force unless otherwise notified.­­The Pearls
The request who Website love a free their of copy children. Michael of their Their and newsletter. Debi first Pearl book, We is TO highly NO TRAIN GREATER recommend UP A CHILD JOY their where wisdom is presented you in can training below get their children in its address entirety. to all and parents
INTRODUCTION
This need book to discipline is not about arises. discipline, It is apparent nor problem that most children. parents The never emphasis attempt is to on train the a training child to of obey. a child They before wait the
until the child becomes unbearable and then explode. With proper training, discipline can be reduced to 5%
of what many now practice. As you come to understand the difference between training and discipline, you
will spankings, have a renewed a cheerful vision atmosphere for your in family­­no the home, more and total raised obedience voices, from no contention, your children. no bad attitudes, fewer
vision Any realitywhichhasbeensuccessfullyappliedmanytimesover. parent and knowledge with an emotional of the technique, maturity level have higher happy than obedient the average children. thirteen­year­old This is not a theory; can, with it is a a practical proper
A couple, stressed out with the conflict of three young children, after spending the weekend with us and
hearing we went some to a friend's of these house, principles, and when changed I told their my strategy. children One to do week something, later, they they exclaimed, immediately, "I can't without believe it;
question, obeyed."
These the Amish truths use are to not train new, their deep stubborn insights mules from the the same professional technique world God of uses research, to train rather, his children. the same They principles are

,

profoundly Where have simple I been? and It's extremely so obvious." obvious. After examining them with us, you will say, "I knew that all along.

CHAPTER 1

SWITCH YOUR KIDS someone When you willing tell some to trade." parents I have they need had children to switch in their my house children, that they would respond, be enough "I would to give if I an could electric find wheat Anotherhourwiththem,andIwouldhavebeensearchingtheyellow­pagesfordiscountvasectomies.While grinder a nervous breakdown. The parents look like escapees from a Second World War, Polish boxcar. from we try the to others, sit and talk, begging the children to go or stay are constantly or eat, or demanding running in and a toy out that of the doors, other complaining children will of not ill treatment relinquish. top sixty­six The of mother a diaper. times must in Other the continually space than misaligning of jump two hours. up and the She child's rescue spanks spine, some each breakable it seems child two to object. have or three no She effect. times­­usually says, "No" six­hundred with her hand and on When we speak of consistently rewarding every transgression with a switching (not a karate chop to the Her task. lower discipline She backbone), doesn't is just hope this "laying mother to conquer down can only their a field see wills, of herself fire" just to create as give further enough herself brutalizing sufficient diversion children cover to accomplish to for get whom through her it will own to the do mission. no next good.

To Train Up a Child

Another mother walks in with her little ones and sits down to talk. She says to them, "Go out in the sun­ They horse aware room play to over the play children together and and gets don't are well, a knot present­­except bother resolve on her Mama their head. unless own when They conflicts you a don't little need come and one something." comes don't in and expect in out­­they holding For attention the herself next have when two been saying, one hours told turns "Pee­pee, not we the are to. This rocking not Mama." even

Mother picked rested. mother When up. never answers, Hugging the spanked "No, children his not her mother's are today. children called neck, We while to have he go at says, home, work my "I house. to one love do says, at you And home." Mama." "Mama, she never As can he needed lifts I stay his and to arms, rebuke play the with them. little Shoshanna?" fellow She looks is

This young mother said to me, "My children want to please me. They try so hard to do everything I say. We

have such fun together." She is looking forward to more children. They are the joy of her life. But there was

a time when this was not the case.

By an open the grace heart of this God mother and through has trained the simple, up children Biblical who principles bring her found joy and in honor. these pages, with determination and

to Training OBEDIENCE respond does to stimuli. not TRAINING necessarily Careful training require that can make the trainee a dog be perfectly capable obedient. of reason; If even a seeing­eye mice and dog rats can can be be trained trained intelligent not to reliably to touch? child? lead A a dog A blind dog can man can be trained be through trained to the come, not obstacles to touch stay, of sit, a tasty a be city quiet morsel street, or fetch laid shouldn't in upon front a command. parent of him. expect Can't You more a child may out not be of trained have an trained teenager your can dog be trained that well, to be yet an every effective day someone trainer in accomplishes a dog obedience it on school. the dumbest mutts. Even a clumsy

If foot­shy you wait mutt until who your is dog always is displaying sulking around unacceptable seeing behavior what he before can get you away rebuke with (or before kick) being him, screamed you will have at.

a

than Where you there can is the an family absence dog. of No training, amount you of can discipline no more can rebuke make and up for whip lack a of child training. into acceptable behavior yourself discipline Proper training and alone your always to child. effect works Out proper of on innocent behavior. every child. ignorance To neglect many training of you have is to create bypassed miserable the training circumstances and expected for the

"TENNN­­HUTT!!"

order­drill When headstrong are simply young to teach men join and the reinforce military, submission they are first of the taught will. to "Attention!" stand still. The pronounced, many hours "TENNN­­ of close­ gain HUTT!!" and then, the absolute, without is the beginning explanation, silent, concentrated of all ignore maneuvers. them, attention and Just of they think all will your of the continue children. relief it to A would stand sergeant frozen be if can by in one call that command his position men to until you attention they could

fall except out as unconscious. they condition The the maneuvers men to instant, "Right unquestioning flank, Left flank, obedience. Companeeey­­Halt" have no value in war

discipline attention."TOTHEREAR­­MARCH"translatedintofamilylanguagewouldbe:"Leavetheroom,"or,"Go As in the military, problems all would maneuvers be instantly in the solved home begin if you with could a call at any to attention. time gain Three­fourths your child's silent, of all unmoving home to bed." Without question they turn and go. This is normal in the well trained family.

We "WHOA, live in a HORSE" horse and buggy community where someone is always training a new horse. When you get into

a

buggy to go down a narrow, winding state highway filled with eighteen­wheelers and logging trucks, you

must the young have men a totally are again submissive making horse. several You new cannot pine depend boxes and on digging whipping six­foot it into submission. deep holes in One the mistake, orchard. and

A

must horse stand is first still trained while the to thirteen stand still children and submit step in to front being of caught. the iron He wheels must to not climb fear into the bridle the buggy. or harness. When He

stopped at the end of a driveway, waiting for the traffic to clear, he must not exercise his own will to step out

in

front of eighty­thousand pounds of speeding truck.

command. you being where You have must taken situations a anticipate tight through hold are and created paces. on train the As bridle, to the you test horse and he hold must for condition the all stop. bridle potential After the and horse's occurrences. lead just a the responses. few horse, times, This you The the is say, done horse horse "Whoa," in will is a controlled first stop and conditioned to then just environment the stop. by Since The trainer establishes the tone at which the horse will respond. If you scream "Whoa!!" then in the future the frantic because horse will bellow. of not their stop Most inability unless of his to the neighbors, raise command their voices who is screamed speak in vehemence. quietly at him. to their One horses, such farmer find it trained difficult his to horses control with his a horses wild,

I

SPEAK was logging TO ME with ONLY a fifteen­hundred­pound mule that sometimes wanted to run away with the log. In

owner moments would of stress patiently (actually caution I was me, panic "Speak stricken), quietly I and found calmly, myself or frantically he will pay YELLING no attention." the commands. I never did learn The hung the the art tone. in of the calmly trace saying, chain. The "Whoa" point to to a remember runaway mule is that pulling the animal a twenty­five­foot learns to identify white not oak only log the with sound my but foot also

level you with raise your your intention. voice when If you giving have a so command trained him, to your don't child, blame he him will if learn he ignores to associate your first your thirteen tone and decibel "suggestions" command. waiting for the fevered pitch to reach the point where he must interpret it to be a real

If

"Train TRAINING, up a child NOT in the DISCIPLINE way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Prov. 22:6)." Train Training than up,notbeatup.Trainup,notdisciplineup.Trainup,noteducateup.Trainup,not"positiveaffirmation"up. "obedience is the most training," obvious but missing without element it everything in child else rearing. will be Training insufficient. is not discipline. A child will need more

Parentsshouldnotwaituntilthechild'sbehaviorbecomesunacceptablebeforetheycommencetraining­­that

Training unquestioning would be is discipline. the obedience. conditioning Discipline An of athlete the is a child's part trains of mind training before before he but competes. the is insufficient crisis arises; Animals, in it itself is including preparation to effect wild proper for ones, future, behavior. are instant, conditioned to respond to the trainer's voice command.

just easily The bad frustration bored training. all experienced need There training, are no by and exceptions, parents training is of is the their effective "strong own on willed," ignorant all. the making. hyper active, Our problem the highly is not intelligent "bad" children, and the

children. Christians. Understand, The at principles this point for we training are not children talking about to instantly producing obey godly can be children, equally applied just happy by Christians and obedient and non­

There TRAINING crawl (in is much the case NOT satisfaction of TO one, TOUCH roll) in training around up the a room, child. It I set is easy up training and challenging. sessions. When my children were able to

juice say, Try it "No, table yourself. don't (That's touch Place where it." an appealing They the coffee will object already table once where be familiar sat). they When can with reach they the "No," spy it, maybe it and so they make in a will "No­no" a dive pause, for corner look it, in at or a you calm on in an voice apple wonder you their are hand not and and disciplining, then consider turn around the you relationship are and training. grab it. between One Switch spat their the with object, hand a little once their switch and desire, is simultaneously enough. the command They say, will and "No." again the little pull Remember, back

reinforcing pain. It may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to consistently obey, even

in

your absence.

When their PLANT reach. God YOUR wanted Instead, TREE to He "train" placed IN THE his the first "tree MIDST two of children knowledge OF THE not of to GARDEN good touch, and He evil" did not in the place "midst the forbidden of the garden object (Gen. out of 3:3)." Being in the middle of the garden, they would pass it continually. God's purpose was not to save the

tree­­rather, of good and evil." to train By the exercising couple. Note their wills the name not to of eat, the they tree would was not have just learned "knowledge the meaning of evil," of but, "good" "knowledge as well as "evil." The eating was a shortcut to the knowledge, but not a necessary path. The knowledge beauty of of good this is and that evil"), thereafter, they are every gaining time the knowledge children of pass good the and 'No­No' evil from object the (their standpoint "tree of of an overcomer. consequence; As but with the Adam attachment and Eve of a in command the garden, to the it makes object it and a moral the touching "factory" of where it is, in character itself, of is no produced. in the event By of your failure, enforcement, accountability, your rewards children and are learning punishment. about In moral the here government, and now, they duty, are responsibility also learning and, not to touch, which makes a child's social life a lot more pleasant.

It

just takes a few minutes to train a child not to touch a given object. Most children can be brought into

complete remain happy and joyous and obedient. subjection By in obedient, just three I mean days. you Thereafter, will never if you need continue to tell them to be twice. faithful, If you the children expect to will

"Child­proofyourhome."Isay,"Home­proofyourchild." train, receive but instant once the obedience, children and are you in general train them subjection to that the end, time you saved will be is successful. extraordinary. It will Some take people extra time say, to TOUCHYSITUATIONS wanting Have you to ever grab been any the object victim of interest. of tiny inquisitive There is no hands? fault in The this, very but young sometimes child, it not can yet be walking, annoying. is When keen on you socially pinned­down are holding crude a baby fashion behavior. and where he The keeps he little can't pulling tot get is not off to your yet your moved face? glasses, No, by you fear you cannot of train rejection. him explain not So, to to do him touch. you the Once try impropriety to hold you train him of in an such a infant order. to respond to the command of 'No," then you will have control in every area where a prohibition is in

Don't out. Get set Don't sound for pull training. more back. serious Hold Don't him than defend where usual. yourself.' he Remember can easily Calmly you reach say, are your No." establishing glasses. If anything, Look a pattern lower him of right your command in voice, the eye. don't to be He raise used reaches it. the pain. rest of He his will youth. pull When his hand he touches back and the try glasses, to comprehend again say, the "No," association and accompany of grabbing your the command glasses and with pain. minor (I that usually you just did thumped it. They think their it little was hand the glasses, with my or index perhaps finger. the I "No" never itself knew causes one to pain.) cry. Inevitably, They don't he even will know return snatcher, accompanied to the bait but to test he by will. a his quiet new little theory. "No." Sure It may enough, take again one or the two glasses more caused tries for pain; him and to give the up pain his is career always as glasses "No." Through There this comes process a of time association when your the word child alone will involuntarily is sufficient to recall gain the obedience. pain every time he hears the word You can also stop him from assaulting his mother with a bottle held by the nipple. The same holds true for might savingyoutime. through hair and get his beard into entire next? pulling. youth, Or You would nagging name it be him it, better the to compliance, infant to take can a little be threatening, trained time to to train? obey. placing If Do nothing things you want out else, of to training reach, wrestle fearing will with result him what in he

I

nap know and a expect mother to who find must the house call a in baby­sitter order when every you time wake. she takes a shower. You should be able to take a

OBEDIENCE TRAINING­­BITING BABIES

One particularly painful experience of nursing mothers is the biting baby. My wife did not waste time finding

a

cure. When the baby bit, she pulled hair (an alternative has to be sought for baldheaded babies).

or Understand, bite his tongue the baby through is not the being negative punished, associations just conditioned. accompanying A baby it. It learns requires not no to stick understanding his finger or in his eyes The biting,withtheaccompanyingheadhurting,thechildprogramsthatinformationawayforhisowncomfort. reasoning. biting habit Somewhere is cured in before the brain it starts. that information This is not discipline. is unconsciously It is obedience stored. After training. two or three times of OBEDIENCE TRAINING­­BOWLS AND BABIES places the The bowl mother the within bowl clumsily out easy of holds reach. the baby's her When cereal reach, he bowl reaches he is at taught arms out, say length it is "No" off as limits and she thump wrestles only if his it her is hand. out infant of He reach. for will supremacy. pull To train his hand him, When back, place she momentarily thumping the look hand. alarmed After several and again times, reach you out. can Repeat eat in peace. the process of saying "No" in a calm voice and

alone conditioned. When soon "No" becomes and The a thump thump sufficient is occur not a to simultaneously, substitute mold behavior. rod. It several Again, is reinforcement times, keep in on mind, different to the the obedience occasions, baby is not training. the being voice punished, command just

One COME father WHEN tells of I his CALL training YOU sessions with each new toddler. He sets aside an evening for "booty" camp,

which is a boot camp for toddlers. The child of ten to twelve months is left alone to become deeply calls when interested the called, child. in a and toy If he then or ignores some leads delightful the him call, to the the object. father's father From goes chair. to across The him child and the room explains thus or led just the through necessity inside these the of other paces immediately room, is being the coming father programmed.

response, He is returned the father to the gives toy and a patient left alone explanation long enough and demonstration to again become of engrossed. the desired Another response. call, The and, parent, if no time, throughout having if assured there the is evening himself not an immediate of until the the child's child response understanding, readily the and child immediately is once lightly again spanked responds sets up and the to a lectured. situation summons. and The Thereafter, calls father the continues child. until This the this child remain patience leaves consistent, and home, concentration. the he child is expected will The consistently spanking to drop everything should obey. not This and be "obedience viewed come upon as training" punishment, the first is call. carried but As as out long reinforcement in as the the utmost parents to commands. NEVER The their parents child TOO a who terror YOUNG put long off before training TO he TRAIN until understands the child the is old meaning enough of to the discuss word. issues A newborn or receive soon explanations needs training. find The child needs holding, loving and lots of attention, but the mother often has other duties. As takes the a mother, deep breath holding and her bellows. child, The leans battle over for the control crib and has begins begun the in swing earnest. downward, Someone the is infant going stiffens, to be conditioned. child to get his Either way the by crying) tender­hearted or the infant mother is allowed will cave to in cry to (learning this self­centered that crying demand is counterproductive). (thus training the Crying order to because manipulate of genuine the adults physical into constant need is simply servitude the should infant's never only voice be rewarded. to the outside Otherwise, world; you but will crying in reinforcethechild'sgrowingself­centeredness,whichwilleventuallybecomesociallyintolerable. STEPS One she was of our TO too girls unknowing OBEDIENCE who developed to be punished mobility for early disobedience. had a fascination But for with her crawling own good, up we the attempted stairs. At four to train months her not switchwasatwelve­inchlong,one­eighth­inchdiametersprigfromawillowtree. to climb the stairs by coordinating the voice command of "No" with little spats on the bare legs. The

switch step on further Such the and was bottom was spankings stare her removed. fascination at step. the was We switch. disconcerting, later with She observed climbing backed so her that I off conceived crawl four and never or to five the an again alternative. stairs sessions attempted and had start After not the to one made climb ascent, more her the only stop. spanking, stairs, to The halt even thought I at laid after the the first of the switch EXCESSIVE DISCIPLINE depends firm Disciplinary hand on and discipline actions making can alone sure become everyone to do excessive the knows training. and it. I The oppressive have rod observed is swift when proud, to the fall, tool and stern of especially fathers, training ruling is in set the aside their presence house and one of with a company. if he is so firm The and children faithful tremble to gain in obedience, his presence, he fearing has not to achieved incur his it displeasure. before entering I have the often public wondered arena. I am why, impressed, but not in the way he hopes. Except for administer discipline­­especially where it; then the very go home smallest public and children discipline. train so that are Yet, concerned, it never should again the training happens need at arise home in in public. public, almost do entirely a flanking eliminates maneuver the need and

As twelve­month­old TRAINING I sat talking THE with boy ORNERY a local who Amish suddenly AMISH fellow, developed BOY a typical a compulsion child training to session slip down developed. onto the The floor. father Due was to holding the cold a floor, missile understand) continued the that father the would and resistant directed firmly slip through slide. placed the child The him to the father to back stay floor. in then in the The his spanked sitting lap. father The position. the spoke child child to began The him and child in spoke to the stiffen began German what so to I as make assumed language to make dissenting to of (which be himself reproving noises I did a and not words. understandable Seeing his in any mother language. across the room, the child began to cry and reach for her. This was

the mother. At this child point, If to he continue had I became been their given highly own over interested conversation. to her, in the the It experience was proceedings. obvious would the Most child have fathers felt been there would counterproductive would have be been more glad liberty training. to give with He up his would The thechild. faithful have mother, been taught more that concerned when he for cannot her child's get his training way with than one, the just gratification go around of the being chain clung of command. to, ignored

the face Thefatherthenturnedthechildawayfromhismother.Thedeterminedfellowimmediatelyunderstoodthat battle his mother. lines had The shifted father and spanked expressed the leg his that independence the child turned by throwing to the mother his leg and back again over spoke to the to other him. side to

lesson. Clearly, Either the lines the were father drawn. would The confirm battle that was this in one­year­old array. Someone could was rule going his to parents submit or his the will parents and learn would his disciplineforattitude. wise confirm enough their to authority. know this Everyone's was a test happiness of authority. was This at stake, episode as well had as crossed the soul over of from the child. "obedience The father training" was to For the next weary forty­fiveminutes,fifteentimesthechildwouldmakehislegsmove,andthedaddy submitted many afternoon. would a turn horse his There him or will around mule was to his no and and father, hastiness knew spank sat the his or as value anger. he legs. was of The He patient placed, father did not perseverance. and was take became as the calm disobedience content­­even as In a the lazy end, porch the personally. cheerful. twelve­month­old swing on He a had Sunday trained know for Some the it will sake will say, of work child "But to I training. the couldn't temporal It take does and it involve emotionally." eternal emotional good Sometimes of the sacrifice. child, it is it Yet, is difficult a what joy instead and is love, trying of but a to sacrifice. giving? set aside When your we plans Where our motives are not pure, where we suspect anger may be part of our motivation, our pricked deal willgreatlysuffer. conscience with our causes own impurities a reluctance for to the act. sake We of fear the that child; our for discipline if the child is an doesn't act of receive the ego this to kind dominate. of training, We must he

1.

BE Every ASSURED small child OF will TWO have THINGS: one or two times in his young life when he will decide to take hold of the reins.

The stubbornness is profound­­amazing­­a wonder that one so young could be so dedicated and persevering facing stand in enemy awe in at indoctrination rebellion. the strength It is of the classes. the kind small Parents of child's determination who will. are trained you would to expect expect it to and find are in prepared a hardened to persevere revolutionary still

2.

If you are consistent, this test of authority will come only one, two, or, at the most, three times in each

child's life. If you endure, conquering the child's will, then in the long run the child wins. If you weaken and let

for pass the to both the of victory you. The of the household child's will, cat then who, by regardless winning it of is protest, a character door loss barring for the and child. foot You swinging, must persevere is occasionally If he is consistently allowed kept to stay out (100% in the house of the will time), take he the will occasional not come success in, even as when impetus the door to always is left try open. to get The in. cat, allowed to occasionally get its way, is trained, despite your protests, to come into the house. If you kick

it

it

hard enough and often enough, it will become sufficiently wary to obey while you remain on guard but will

than still bolt cats, through can be the trained door either when to it come sees the in or opportunity. stay out upon On command. the other hand, The dogs, key again thirty­five is consistency. times smarter If the to or dog violate her learns performance his through master's conditioning will command, be as consistently (consistent he will always satisfying behavior obey. as on If that parents the rendered part carefully of the by trainer) a and well consistently trained that he will seeing­eye train never up be a dog. child, allowed his

NEGATIVE TRAINING of hopelessly How the many shopping steers times cart around have exercising we the observed tempting his "childhood the "trees grocery of rights" knowledge store to arena? unlimited of A good devious self­indulgence. and evil." little kid Too sits The late! up parent The in the child fearfully command spies but the seat object miserable. of his Either unbridled way, he lust. conquers. The battle is on. The child will either get what he wants or make the parent

waituntiltheyleftthestore.Suchcompromiseswillsimplyconfirmthechild'sterroristtactics.Youarenot One father proudly told of how he fearlessly overcame by promising the child ice­cream if he would only negligently, behavior,andarethereforetraining. gaining control and of some, the child, with he varied is gaining degrees control of forethought. of you. All All children parental are responses trained, some are conditioning carelessly or the child's

PURCHASED COMPLIANCE for you Parents protection. are who just bargaining purchase The child compliance with becomes a terrorist the through Mafia for one promise or more union of day's boss, reward reprieve and are you, making from the anguish, "over their the child you barrel" a may racketeer businessman. then strike who a is If paid favorable method is deal, the making but if you of a are bitter, training undisciplined, up a child, fleshly you need child­­and to reconsider eventually, your adult. methods. This compromise

I

DID observed YOU a HEAR father tell WHAT his small I SAID? boy not to touch a particular object. Having been trained to ignore mild

"Did commands, you hear the me? child [Of picked course it up. he did] The Hand father it demanded, to Daddy. [With "Give more it to me." firmness] The child Johnnnieee, pretended give not it to to hear. Daddy, this to NOW!! a time conclusion [Another the father he decibel leaned became way higher­­hasty­­angry] aware out of and his extended embarrassing his JOHNNY!! hand, tone. making He Am calmed I it going easier his to voice, for have Johnny and to SPANK in to an comply. attempt YOU?" Because to bring By of it the day." down oor angry But, close easant voice instead to receivin his and body, of burning meeting his forcing necessar eyes, the the humbled, Johnny father food assumed to from groping advance some the father, even condescendin temporary he farther held posture the to retrieve ro object alt of, in it. "Oh submitted his The well, general father, there to direction the looking will child's be like but another a

p

p

g

y

g

y y,

the humiliation child's reach. and reached to retrieve the object. And then, in a display of weakness, the father placed it out of to What obey has a command Johnny learned the first, from second, this episode? third, or He fourth has had time. his No conviction one expects reinforced him to. that He has it is learned never necessary it is learned example, permissible not he to to has respect grab learned anything authority, how within to just use reach strength anger. and By (the to the continue day father's will possessing come advance when to it take he until is the the the object stronger heat gets from one). too his great. By hand, the He he father's has has

learned how to "get in the last shot" and maintain his defiance. That father was effectively training his small

child

to be a rebel.

watch anger? unpleasant What has a All kid the of stages; every which father minute that learned? are it false. is and sometimes That The put little things father a Johnny is very out reaping of miserable, is his just the reach; a harvest "strong embarrassing that of the willed" his only "mistraining." child; things thing that to kids be children understand a parent; go that through are one force has and to

After trainingtechniques. we take a look at the nature of a child, much of the rest of this book will describe many positive

 

CHAPTER 2 (Understandingachild'snaturaldevelopment) Childish Nature

Just He "BEHOLD, seemed last night determined THE while sitting SECOND to make in a meeting, WOE"! her life I as looked miserable over as to possible­­and see a young mother destroy struggling her reputation with her in small the process. child. She her picking had the it "Why up and me?" handing look on it back her tired to him) face. and He making kept defiantly angry noises throwing that his forced bottle the on preacher the floor to (assisted scream by louder and louder. With threats of increasingly embarrassing displays, he forced her to put him down on the

floor

where he proceeded to audition for circus clown while insisting on procuring a neighbor's property.

When screamed she his tried protest. to prevent his thievery and rescue the stolen goods, he kicked his feet like an eggbeater and

It was enough to make you believe the Devil started out as an infant. I am just thankful that one­year­olds

don't

weigh two­hundred pounds, or a lot more mothers would be victims of homicide. It causes one to

understand where the concept of a "sinful nature" originated. The mother knows the child shouldn't be acting like this; but due to the child's limited intellectual social one development, of factors. unlimited, she This unrestrained feels child helpless. is not self­indulgence. affected Older children by peer­pressure, and adults threat have their of embarrassment actions constrained or rejection. by many His mental life is and

helplessly The parents watch are waiting while selfishness for the child's and understanding meanness of spirit to develop grow behind so they a wall can correct of undeveloped "bad" behavior. understanding. They What about is the the nature driving of a force child in in this order child, to institute and how appropriate can it be conquered? training. We need to understand some things

GOD­GIVEN SELF­CENTEREDNESS

 

dependence. For the purpose The of needs moral are development, most apparent God in the created small us child. to exist He in needs a constant food, warmth, condition companionship, of need and

entertainment, and a dry diaper. God has endowed him with strong, involuntary compulsions to taste, smell,

hear,

with eyes to see, and a desire to touch and feel.

 

The

desires and passions in the infant are not yet complete. As he matures, he will find himself possessed of

ever­increasing that will "make one natural wise." desires His growing for things humanity "pleasant will to the give eyes," way things to a desire "good to for build, food" to know, and for to those be things

appreciated, recognized, to succeed, be a lover, and to survive in a secure state.

Doesn't kicking As infants the anyone grow, feet, realize rolling they learn I and have to shaking manipulate urgent the needs?­­What head, their crying, surroundings could screaming­­"Pick be to more their important own me gratification. up­­Feed than 'me'?" me­Just A smile, look a grunt, at me­­

The

infant's world is no bigger than his needs. It is the only reality he knows. He soon learns that his "wants"

can has no be pride just as or readily humility­­only satisfied. desire. The infant He comes, cannot think he sees, in terms he takes. of duty, He is responsibility created that or way. moral By choice. nature, he He is

incapable comfort. of considering the needs of others. The baby doesn't know you are tired and also in need of

The natural, self­centeredness God­given impulses of infants to the and meeting small children of natural has needs. all the They appearances "go astray of a as vice. soon But as they they be are born, acting on speaking moral say "No" character, lies to appetites. (Psalm and therefore 58:3)." They cannot Yet, no God responsibility. yet does be deemed not impute They blameworthy. do the not lie possess to them They the as begin intellectual sin. life God in reckons innocent and moral as self­ if maturity they had to no centeredness.

"selfishness," that and As TO the a he BLAME weaning child cannot gets the always OR process older, child NOT be may begins. say first. TO eight­ come BLAME If The by to to now child be twelve­months, what training is made we called has to wait, not the "spoiled." already adults told "No," begin subdued and to pay given the less manifestations boundaries. attention to He of his must his demands, learn jerked Guilty, around. frustrated Resentment parents are builds. manipulated The adults by the begin child's to blame whining him. and crying. The sparing begins. The kid gets

The child feels the tension, but does not lessen the demands. He connives, calculates and resorts to angry based matured tantrums. on to moral I a have point or seen social where a two­year­old worth; he can but understand he take sure a can weapon responsibility, mimic and the angrily criminal weigh strike values mind. his and mother. make The conscious young decisions child is not TOWARD UNDERSTANDING doesn't includingtheirownlife­sustaining What is want happening? to give. A Taking short time has been ago, food; his the but way adults now of around they life from are this beginning conception. child would to expect The have arrangement a given little him giving suits anything on him his he part. just wanted, fine. He We adults, sensing the capabilities of children, expect them to give­and­take at a level appropriate to their transition their maturity. own When from needs. the they utterly fall behind self­centered our expectations, "give me, give we me" become mentality irritated. to assuming They NEVER responsibility make a smooth for some of

to with three­year­old We participate are a tale delighted of his in try the own, when it conversation. and but the it a is three­month­old nine­year­old not so cute. We is grabs expected are delighted food to from say when "Excuse our a hand three­year­old me" and and stuffs wait it interrupts in for his an mouth; appropriate our conversation but let time a expect When we it of believe him. If a he child is slow has matured to assume to his the duty, point we of become being capable irritated of with responsible him for action, not "acting we automatically his age." The beasts of the earth, in contrast to man, never need make a decision to deny natural drive. They are doesn't in within the runaway their rise intended above indulgence self­indulging bounds of living God­given desires to self­gratification. is desires. fallen Though, from God's But due the intention to growing lack of and child, moral design. as development, well The as root the of adult, the all sin child who is is found not held hissinfulness. accountable, the unrestrained indulgences of his desires will be the very root that will one day result in

A SPIRITUAL FETUS physical wise, Life is righteous, designed creation experienced, by is God complete to be or and a spiritual developed He is rested womb, in consciousness. from a place it; but where the moral the work creation of creation goes on. continues. Men are Yes, not born the

stages Adam to and reach Eve viability. were never A four­month incomplete physically fetus, still in or the morally. mother's The womb, rest of is us a must living grow soul. through Though different all the tiny from ­a members knowledge its mother. appear of In right viable, like and manner, the wrong, baby a is three­year­old a an sense incomplete of justice, child creation accountability, has all needing the tiny further conscience, features growth of duty, a morally before guilt, becoming responsible shame, etc. distinct adult­ Yet, none viable the womb. of soul. the As moral He the is an faculties child uncompleted grows, are developed he slowly moral being. makes to the He point a transition is of not being accountable. from fully no operative. moral Morally, understanding The the child three­year­old is to not complete a morally is still in accountability. actions sometime and before thoughts. There twenty Without are years vast differences any of age basis, (Deut. twelve of opinion 1:39 years with as old Num. to has when 14:29­31). been God the deems traditional them age. accountable Biblically, for it their will own be

One Lev. thing 5:3). Maybe I do know as early is that as it five is not for an some "age children. of accountability," Maybe as but late a as "state fourteen of accountability" for others. I don't (James know. 4:17;

THE DILEMMA understanding The dilemma parents to complete face is: accountability? How do we relate When to the the child child is during 30% morally this transition cognizant period and from 70% no morally moral naive, is becomes how concerned, do we a morally relate God to will viable him? not being. How deem do him But we blameworthy if know the parent to what waits until degree until all moral the he is child faculties responsible? can understand are completely We know the need operative­­until as far to as exercise judgment he self­control, by then he has developed both a history and a habit of indulging his flesh to the full. The

otherwise. child's problem first the learning parent must experiences address occur is that in the a parent­supported, natural drives function self­indulgent a great while environment. before the It reason. could not The be The an early parent age does the child not want is incapable to destroy of the choosing child's moderation. natural drives, but we would like to instill moderation. Yet, at

Here PARENTAL is where we RESPONSIBILITY come to the crux of this whole chapter and the background for this whole book. It is WHICH important IS to NOT understand: YET FULLY PARENTS DEVELOPED. MUST ASSUME The parents' THAT role PART is not OF that THE of a CHILD'S policeman, MORAL but more DUTY like and discernment), that of example the Holy will the Spirit. parents be their When must "standards." the be child the navigator. has Before his sails they When full can of they DECIDE wind are (strong as to yet do incapable drives), good we but of must no conviction, compass CONDITION our (moral training them to operation, Likewise, do good. There in the the parent was moral a must time realm, be when the until voice the the mother child's of his breathed yet reason unborn and for conscience, moral the child, faculties ate his for develop initiative the child to and the and his point handled set of of independent values. his waste. Each you. He day will he gets leave closer the protection to his birth of into your moral sanctification individuality. and Someday stand alone his in spiritual the light heart of his will own function conscience without (1 Cor. 7:14). Until maturity, the only moderation the child will know is what the parents instill. The to can choose. make parent it No must easier amount understand for repentance of training his role to is going follow in the to sinful moral override indulgence. weaning the certainty of the child. of sin One developing; day, he or but she the is training going to we be give able

In headed. take the into infant Drives, consideration and which young are the child, not evil we in that themselves do a not self­willedspiritwilleventuallybring. deal evil, with nonetheless their "selfishness" form the as occasion sin, but we to all are sin. aware Our of training where must it is

We righteousness. parents cannot We cannot impart righteousness write the law on to our their children, hearts, but but we we can can write develop the in law them and a gospel firm commitment on their to consciences.

world their Anticipating moral is an survival. undertow this development The pulling training our and children we its give consequences and to destruction. the wisdom places Looking we an impart urgent at statistics can sense make of alone, responsibility all the the difference probability upon in us. the is against The outcome. careless hold him neglect. accountable You hold It is an the at eternal that parents' level. soul responsibility in your hand. to You determine cannot what afford level to give of understanding in to indifference, a child laziness, has and or to

This your is child, an almost your heart impossible will be task able if to you discern depend the on world your from intellect his perspective. alone. If you When are the the principal child believes caretaker it is of wrong, punished trained and it with is conditioned. wrong the rod. (James Where Sometimes 4:17). there Where is the lack rod there of is understanding is used moral in training. understanding of the More moral will and quality be he said disobeys, of about his actions, he this should later. he be should be

When Keep WHEN in does mind DRIVES this that innocent, a ISSUE youth natural will IN not SIN selfishness come under of condemnation a child become until sin? his In moral other words, faculties when are fully is a child operative. to blame?

As the child's reason and moral faculties develop, gradually there evolves an understanding of moral

responsibility accountable), everyone wrong) resulting (except every and in Jesus) duty. personal youth At has faces some condemnation. "eaten" his point own (personally (as "tree moral of violated perception knowledge his grows own of good God­given to and a point evil." where understanding (See one Deut. can 1:39.) of be right held So and fully far,

When accountability), Though a child God will sins that not against does condemn not his conscience, mean a child that until the he developing he is is guilty. completely The child degree matured is incapable to which morally of his moral (grows understanding judgments into a state is and developed of responses. is time functioning the degree until every to moral which last being. his piece actions An is properly unfinished can be installed. called clock, sin. still Again, in the making, the sin is may not imputed have moving until parts, the child but it becomes will not a keep fully WALKING AFTER THE FLESH indulging occasion The cause of in of Eve's sin, this it consistent is sin called and the "sinful failure occasion flesh to obey (Rom. of Christ's the 8.'3),"­­that law temptation, of God is, is flesh the so flesh­body it "full" is the of occasion sin.] in need As of the of your body gratification. child's of flesh was [After the development into selfishness­­which, at maturity, will constitute sin. When is allowed the child's to violate conscience his budding is partially conscience, operative, and continues he must to be do trained so as to it grows practice to self­restraint. full maturity, For, he will if a find child himself already fully given over to his flesh on the first day of his awakening into accountability.

That part of the child that is awakened to moral duty should be brought into complete subjection to parents, enough natural and the course, child to assume should the responsibility. child be led will to be worship possessed God of (1 many Sam. unruly 1:28; 3:1; passions with and 3:7). lusts If you long allow before the he flesh is cognizant to run its IN MY HANDS vessel are The the clay of wheel formed honor on fit which into for a the vessel the master's clay of is dishonor table. turned. If was As God Adam marred is the and potter while Eve and in were the your potter's given child a is hand, garden the clay, only to dress for to be a and little remade keep, while into you you a have been given loan of a little heart and mind to dress and keep. There As the will purpose come of a God time has when permitted, your children inevitably must they stand will alone partake before of "the the tree forbidden of knowledge fruit. Now, of good in the and evil." developing years, you can make a difference in how they will respond after they have "eaten." All your the child events will of make daily judgments life, coupled about with right inner and discernment, wrong. Somewhere are laying on a foundation that road, each of knowledge child will from round which a bend be "without and, with excuse." the dawning, perceive his or her responsibility, duty and accountability to God. They will then

child With A DIVINE Jesus this understanding, grew CALLING in wisdom we and can knowledge, better appreciate so your what child is taking is going place through in our a growth developing of understanding. child. Just as The the save that holy we himself Scriptures might from be are "conformed this able "untoward to make to the him generation image "wise of unto (Acts his salvation Son 2:40)." (Rom. (2 God Tim. 8:29)." has 3:15). a We prototype parents "You must for work the prepare with finished God your product. toward child to the It is day The when promise our of children God is still will operative: be conformed "Train to "the up a measure child in the of the way statue he should of the go, fulness and when of Christ he is (Eph. old, he 4:13)." will not depart from it." (Prov. 22:6)

Parental CHAPTER Anger 3

As NO I MORE was working CHANCES on this book, a young mother said to me: "I get so angry sometimes; I treat the children so anger?" top badly. of them They all just the upset time me. to prevent Johnny them is always from picking doing something on Mary and they making shouldn't. her What whine. can I have I do to to just overcome stay on my frustrationmounted. going Previously, to give the you parents one more rewarded chance disobedience and then I will by saying, have to "Now spank Johnny, you." As I he have continued told you to not disobey, to do that. her I am The parents had effectively taught their child that he could disobey until the parent's frustration reached a off pushed certain for a level. her while. too When far, He could and he perceived she return would to that his "go disobedience they off" had before had he as all could soon they as comply. were they going cooled to take, off. Sometimes, he knew it was miscalculating, time to back he

The their mother's disobedience. anger Eventually, could be overcome she always if she got would them to remove obey. the It was cause the of long her dragged anger. No, out, not tense the and children, but competitive responding quite prelude predictably. to their eventual She had obedience trained them that not was to stirring obey until her ire. she The got angry. children were actually

changes. I gave her She a copy made of it some plain child to her training son that material he was that not I to had tease written. his smaller Reading sister. it, she She decided told Johnny to make that some if he not disobeyed waiting he until would she got be spanked mad. No for warnings, the first no offense. threats­­she The first seemed spanking to expect was a him shock to obey to Johnny. the very Mother first time! was and After said, two "But days Mother, of consistently you are rewarding not giving every me any transgression more chances!" with The a spanking, mother Johnny said, "That's turned right, to his you mother don't to get purchase any more disobedience. chances. From After now two on years you are he to now always obeys obey the the first first time, time." and He Mother had been no longer using gets his "chances" angry. LICENSE TO DISOBEY to for theyarenotpreventingtroutfishing,theyareadvocatingit.Theseparentshadissuedtheirchildrenalicense When be trouble, disobedient the State but always Fish five and times, with Game an but eye Commission punished on the them "warden." issues for the permits They sixth would allowing offense. try So you to anticipate every to catch day five when the children trout, to stop but went short no more, fishing of the

"

"

real lastchance. When Mom reduced the disobedience limit to zero and outlawed disobedience, little Johnny had to test the obeyingalllawsthefirsttime. that lawgiver he didn't to see love if it "fishing was just for another trouble" permit. enough When to pay the the "Warden" fine for what (Mama) he caught. proved Little to be Johnny serious, started he decided him turning to If State abolishing feel red Troopers for in them the the speed ceased face to be as limit. going writing cars Picture so speed fast. tickets by? a Can trooper and After you instead the pulling see sixth a started trooper a time speeder nagging sitting of motorists over on and and the threatening, being side then of explaining told, the "Now road it would shaking how I am be sad not tantamount his it going makes fist and to

tell you again," all law would break down into "and every man did that which was right in his own eyes."

unacceptable force. Parent, you can after not several blame warnings your children and then if you a threat have caused topped them off by to an understand ultimatum, that and disobedience finally a gesture is only of

Parent, ANGER you have trained yourself not to discipline immediately, but to wait until your irritation builds into Discipline you. anger. You them have immediately allowed your upon motivation the slightest to be disobedience. anger. "But how Don't can wait I stop until being it becomes so angry?" a personal Simple. affront to

interest. The children You perceive are viewed in by your the anger child and much frustration as they view that the a bigger discipline child is who a personal is bullying matter, them a competition in order to get of in rights. his to own a superior They way. see They force. you are as They just not being protecting feel as made if you your to are respect own committing rights the law and a and personal trampling lawgiver; transgression on they theirs. are You simply against have being them­­violatingtheir lost the made dignity to give of your consistent office. enforcement, As they say, in "You the child's are not mind Presidential there is enough." no law at Where all, just there competition is no unwavering for supremacy. rule of law with

anger. uglyproportions. You have Having taught failed yourself to properly to be motivated train your only child, by you anger. have And allowed you have the seeds taught of your self­indulgence child to respond to grow only to to

The I MADE reason A you CHILD are angry THAT toward I DON'T your children LIKE is that you don't like them. "Oh! I love my children very simple centered, much." reason I didn't spoiled that say brat. at you such didn't times love they them. are very I say unlikable. there are occasions It is impossible when to you like just a whining, don't like selfish, them, self­ for the

think unwholesome. We cannot we are help ugly God approving in himself spirit we of has equally that such which dislike feelings is good ourselves. (Ps. and 11:5). lovely, We and are involuntarily despising that very which fair is about ugly and it. When we You sometimes must face intense the fact dislike that of there a mother are times for her when teenage you just daughter do not or like son. your You own may child. say, "But I have no observed one else the dislikes the youth." If they had to live with him on the same terms as the parent, they would.

training gets Now, to why be techniques. too is your much child You to bear." unlikable? may say, Precisely. "But, You I will have not not like instituted the answer: any training You made techniques. him that I way just through scold them your when it

All children are trained. Their responses and actions are a reflection of their association to their principal intimidation, caretakers. To nagging, neglect anger, careful and nurturing an occasional and training outburst while of trying spanking to keep is the them most in negative line through of training threat, exercises.

before miles­per­hour per­hour Most automobile applying over the over discipline, drivers speed the speed limit are you aware without limit. are training that When issuing the you them radar a ticket. allow to patrolman disobey. your Consequently, children will usually to most be allow disobedient motorists motorists will four to drive or go five four­miles­ four times or five There is nothing cute or lovable about a whining "brat." To allow a child to whine and disobey is to mold a control her personality daughter their and emotions as character well as and love that to her. instantly you The will child obey, eventually reciprocates the child find will hard the be to mother's cheerful like. By delight and taking pleasant. by control loving Then and and the teaching honoring mother them will her to even like more. herchildren. They can both enjoy each other's company. The mother is rested and refreshed by spending time with

Talking not THEFOURTEEN­YEAR­OLD like her with own a mother child concerned The mother's about disa the roval attitude and of fre her uent fourteen­year­old, criticism had caused it became the dau apparent hter to she become just did

.

pp

q

g

morose.

mother. had Actually, lost all The she control mother was a and very was influence. good wondering and The obedient if mother she should daughter. had a use very She the stormy rod was to cheerful youth correct and with bad was attitudes. others, anxious but She sullen to prevent was with afraid her her she daughter groundshelost. from the same fate. The more irritated the mother became and the harder she pushed, the more

Taking showedtremendousimprovement. Iknewthisfamilywhenthedaughterwasachild.Irecallthateventhenthemotherdidn'tlikeherdaughter. her own ugly attitude to Christ, the mother found cleansing and healing. The teenage daughter quickly

critical the Sometimes child when they in they have the areas fall produced. short. of talent But, If you and more personality, have prominently, painted parents a picture where have the that narrow parents you don't expectations are like, poor don't trainers, for blame their they the children come canvas. to and dislike Get are out the brushes and paint over the mess.

Tying CHAPTER Strings 4 MANY STRINGS MAKE STRONG CHORDS union. we There have is It a had is mystical as together. if we bond were The joined between more by good caring many experiences members strings of of mutual we a have family. love, together, I respect, can look the honor, at more each strings and of my all that the children good unite. times and feel that that

strings constant Where that two tying unite or more of are new people often strings, cut are family by living selfishness, members together, indifference, soon their find interests, themselves pride, opinions self­will separated and and liberties the by like. suspicion, sometimes Where distrust there clash. is and not The a criticism. The gap can grow so wide that the two can become virtual enemies. When increasingly this happens grow apart. between When parent a youth and says child, something it is a serious like, crisis. "My parents Unless don't new strings understand are tied, me," the or two "They will don't care," it is testimony of a complete cutting of all strings. PAPER Recently, preoccupied together. anything HEARTS Seeing amusing. a father drawing the told He boy's and turned us of smitten cutting a away victory out condition, and paper in continued this hearts. area. the father His his The labor first lightly father grader of poked and love. came son Over fun were home at the his close next from activity. and several school often The days, and child did became the things didn't boy see would occurred. been cut. conceal The child his endeavors was withdrawn from the and father. resisted The all father overtures became to fellowship aware that with a confidence his father. crisis The strings had had

If, at this point, the father had accepted this wall as just a "stage"­­or worse, become irritated and son, wider contributed "Hey with Jessie, the further years. you to But the want breach­­this the to father go out was to would the wise shop have and with took been me? positive the We beginning will action. cut of out After a breach wooden school that hearts." one would day, Jessie have he said reservedly grown to his

changed looked wooden up to heart and believing seemed to be delight, given to be to cautiously and Jessie's he said, friend, analyzing "Sure the Dad, his wall father's that came would down intent. be and After great." camaraderie a moment, As they worked was his facial restored. together expressions creating

a

It

is important that sons and daughters can trust their parents with personal, intimate knowledge. If there is a

barrier in this area, when the time comes that the young man needs counsel, to whom shall he go? The respect. feelings Never of a child ridicule, are just mock as important or laugh at and your sacred child's as those ideas, of creations an adult. or Always ambitions. treat The your trust children you desire with to child take have a when with while whom they to earn are you older their have confidence, must failed be in established this so area, get to it and it. is not maintained too late to when apologize they are and young. reestablish If you that have trust. an older It may

I

CUT would STRINGS say that most parents have allowed the strings to be cut and have not made a responsible effort to

there angersandembittersthechild. tie new can ones. be no It effective is most critical discipline that or you training. understand Without and that take mutual care in respect this area. and When honor, the further strings discipline are all cut, only

together, them Italkwithmanyparentswhohavelostcontactwiththeirchild.Foreveryonestringthatmighttiethem that there obscures are two understanding. situations to The cut parent it. Not takes only is the there child's no withdrawal longer a bond, and but resentment there is a as cloud rebellion between (which it is) and brings out the whip lashes of the tongue and rod. Like a wild animal the child further

withdraws the rod can into force his outward own world compliance, of suspicion but it and will distrust. not mold Similar character to the or control tie the of strings a warden of fellowship. over his prisoners, The parent The parent's feels the anger child or slipping broken­heart away, will sometimes never stitch into the up the fellowship breach. of bad habits or undesirable company.

unwholesomelover. she do The this can parent to get me?" who away may resorts and elicit be to free. sympathy token Many compliance, tactics: parents "If have but you will thus loved only driven me," cause their or the "You young youth hurt daughter to me yearn so much," into for the the day or arms "Why when of an do he you or child The small doesn't child possess is often the neglected means to and manifest mishandled his hurt. with By little the time concern the parent on the is part forced of the to parent admit because there is a the problem, many year­old times will there magnified. be is an a intemperate war Your zone two­year­old of fifteen­year­old. obstacles between whiner will them. be What a twelve­year­old a child is at four whiner. he will The be intemperate at fourteen, five­ only

A

STRINGS mother came LEFT to us UNTIED concerned for her fourteen­year­old daughter. She had been reared in a very

ties. protected When environment given a chore, and the was girl outwardly would obey, obedient, but with but a the sullen parents attitude. felt that It seemed there was to this a breach mother in that the her family withdrawal. daughter was She tolerating seemed the to have family her and own was little not world. at all pleased With no with outward the company. disobedience, There there were was periods nothing of for been were which cut. tied. to reprimand Rebuke or the discipline teenager. would This be mother fruitless, had even lost fellowship harmful, until with the her strings daughter. of mutual The strings respect had and long trust ago

old. As THETHREE­YEAR­OLD my They wife both sat began talking, to an scream altercation TRUCKER while developed tugging at opposite between the ends young of the mother's same toy two truck. sons, The one mother and three hollered, years "What back handed his is over truck," wrong the with she truck. yelled. you two?" After "He further is trying peace­shattering to take my truck," threats cried and the screams older of of the protest, two. "Billy, he reluctantly give Johnny

learn punishing The younger it sometime.) the child other then brother defeatedly by the loss left of the his yard company. and stumbled (It is an into adult the form house of to retribution, stand beside but his children mother­­thus must After the chastisement of loneliness had done its work, the older brother became repentant. Picking up his sitting held truck his from in truck his the mother's out sand to pile, the lap younger he being made consoled brother. his way for As into his the the losses younger house on where the brother battlefield. he was found about With the to offended a smile accept of the younger reconciliation, sacrificial brother peace he now offering, thing out the of here!" mother she turned commanded. to see the grinning child dribbling sand from his truck onto the floor. "Get that

Being feelings. engrossed She just in saw her another company, cleaning she was job not to thinking further add of her to her children burden. as human beings with complex

that company, At this had point cleansed he a had psychological found him of that anger he transformation and valued selfishness. his brother occurred Weighing more. in the He his child. was right learning He to possess had important just the experienced truck social against lessons a "repentance" his brother's about give­and­take. and vulnerable. He He was had learning gone the to second share and mile; how and to when control he got his to possessiveness. the end of it, he His was heart shocked was surrendered to find that no not standthereexposed,grinninglikeafool,whilebeingunjustlyblasted. one going cared. to be It allowed really didn't to surrender, matter. He if they had laid didn't down care his enough guns, to and accept now his he offering, was being he fired was upon. not going If he to was

all, He couldseethelittlementalwheelsturning. he didn't had understand been playing what in sand all the all row morning­­he was about. loved Who it. could As he be studied upset the about threatening a little sand face on before the floor? him, After you

Immediately came to him. the It now smile being left and clear was she replaced was mad by about wonder, the sand then puzzlement, being dribbled finally on the defiance. floor, he Suddenly, raised his an truck idea

to

apart. She had hurt him and he had successfully retaliated. "Just look at her red face. That will teach her to

examine it, then defiantly dumped the full contents onto the floor. To his satisfaction it worked. She came attack me. Boy, I won this round."

rebels, that him This he back mother he hoped into had had to the no punish missed alternate countryside for the plans perceived opportunity to practice for the injustices. future. to his accept civil He dissent the lived surrender to in be defiance a rebel of this of because the rebel established leader. of his Instead hatred authority. for she the had Like authority driven many

Now, you may think that I am over­dramatizing the child's feelings. It is true that he could not tell you what

he

was thinking. Nor will he be able to understand these same feelings when at fourteen it becomes apparent

he rebel. has serious problems. But, at three years old, the child's actions all demonstrate the root bitterness of a

don't he If the acts understand parents like we don't are that change, the boy. enemy. We when have We the have raised boy done becomes him our right, best. a taught teenager It is him up they to right the will from Good throw wrong, Lord up their now." taken hands him to and church; say, "I and

This fourteen. mother is failing to tie strings of common respect. The seeds sown at two years of age come up at

Parent, problems PROBLEM if you with PARENTS are their having parents. problems One party with is your going children, to have just to adjust know that in order you are to help not alone. the other. They Since are also you having are reading didn't say, this "Children, book, and train not up the your child, parents," and since the you responsibility are the more is completely experienced on of you. the two, and since God

I

CUTTING remember looking STRINGS into the face of one of my boys and knowing that the strings had been cut. It was a sad

even fault thing was recognized to see mine. him I slip the had from principle; pushed the him mooring but too I could hard, and see drift demanded that away. there At too was the much, a time breach. and I had then A not fault been formulated line critical was widening the when terminology, he had the gap. not nor The performed dismissed me. to my He expectations. had decided to When, live without like a turtle, me. There he withdrew was too into much his pain shell, in I association could see that with he his had father.

I

didn't know how to define it, but being fully responsible for the training, I knew that it was my

responsibility. done, and suggested I immediately an exciting apologized, outing. It lightened took several up, revised days of my me criticism, being sensible, found the fair, good just, in and what kind he to had

restore the strings of fellowship; but children forgive quickly and are restored if we will let them be.

"And, GOD HELP ye fathers, THE provoke FATHERS not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the they their than Lord themselves. are expense (Eph. bound. 6:4)." (That On A was more father when than who I one was teases occasion, bigger his children than when they). scuffling to anger They can with remind expect my me boys, them to I play have to by do found the the same same myself rules to having others to which smaller fun at forgive release bully. Don't laugh After it until on all, this one he weren't sees off, weaker fathers. your you than repentance. bullying If himself. you make him? That your The wrath little wrath can boy you only mad provoked be while put away you in him are by will having his forgiving be stored fun, you up you. have until He he created cannot can a life If the must child be is fully rooted surrendered in bitterness, to God you or have you a are healing wasting and your restoration time. You ministry will just ahead have of to you. try to Your stay heart out of and his hypocrite. way. He will It is be hard rearing enough himself. to make His it chances in this godless are not good, world but when don't you increase have good his bitterness support; but by playing for a kid the filled him boy with just along bitterness, shuts in an out facing average a father it way. alone, for whom there he is not only much has disdain hope. Maybe and relates the mother to his mother can make in a a manner difference. that Often may bring a Father, if you care for your child's soul more than your pride, then humble yourself, ask his forgiveness (even child things if he is closer that just are two to creative­­that God years than old). you Then give are yourself. become them a sense a patient of great father adventure and husband. or accomplishment. Spend time with You your can't children lead your doing WHAT CAN I DO NOW? just God Tie some a and manipulative to strings. your child. You ploy must Ask on your your be knit part child together and to forgive will with keep you your their for child distance; anger before and so indifference. you you can must train begin At him. first rebuilding. Confess they will your suspect failure it to is

Don't barge in and overpower them with emotion or a new philosophy. Be a friend. Do with them the things their them, they enjoy concerns. they doing. will Tie respond Be strings caring. in until kind. Be you When more have ready they earned like with you, their your they respect ear will than and want you honor. are to please with If they your you sense mouth. and will that Be you be very open like sensitive to and your enjoy to discipline.

mutual being The strongest "under love, respect, the chord works of honor, discipline of the loyalty, law." is not admiration, The found law gives in and the us whip; caring. direction, rather, It is the but it is difference only the the weaving spirit in being of together grace "led gives of by the the us strings spirit" power. of and If

youwillcultivatefellowshipwithyourchild,youwillhavesuchcooperativecompliancethatyouwillforget

where you last left the rod.

I

WALKING can remember IN an THE incident FATHER'S that occurred LIGHT when I was only four years old. Several of us, about the same age,

window. were walking along behind a row of houses when one of them suggested that we throw rocks at a basement

I

can still remember my thought processes. As I considered doing it, I saw my Daddy's face. He never told

presence me my not father to to break that guide I dared windows, me. It not was jeopardize. but not I knew fear of To he punishment please would him not or and be scolding pleased. enjoy his that I had favor motivated no was law my to me. go strongest It by, was but my impulse. I had fellowship my I father's with

withdrew from the window breaking party and walked in my father's light. My father was not perfect. He wasn't even the best of Christians, but I was not yet aware of that at four or to even him. see ten him years as just of another age. To struggling me, he was member law and of grace. the human As I grew race. older, Still, I I never slowly outgrew (sometime that with desire a jolt) to please came

Heavenly God But, as (as my it Father. should confidence be), Today, I in found him I have waned, myself a double still my confidence motivated lighted path. not in God by the grew. law With and a the fear eventual of hell, transfer but by the of my face faith of my to against Parent, above your best all, buddy. you must If you cultivate can maintain that kind this of a bond relationship with your with child your you child. will It never is a painful have a problem thing to sin child. SEEING GOD IN DADDY AND MAMMA window through When the his through child earthly is which young, father your the that young parents he understands child are the understands only his heavenly "god" God. he knows. Father. A child As Fathers learns he awakens of (and the mothers character to Divine also), of realities, God you through are it the is loves to to be God's observing guide the all­powerful, and personality. good the respects the and child parents. holy. just and All his the As that warrant parents, The child's the God parents child admiration. he is source in will sees do infiniteness, love not of the strength. have The and parents' parents honor to the be The humble parents perfect, the need parents one should dependence not just the do be a parents not display sinless, mini­caricature have on love. in just to and the be demonstrate love finite. all­wise, representing for The God, just parents a commitment because wise a balance need enough he not of As to God. the child If, when relates the to parents the figurehead say, "No," of they authority do not (his mean parents), '"No," in then like the manner "thou he shalt will not" later of be God prone will to not relate be taken Those seriously disciplined either. to lovingly Children obey with their cruel earthly fathers fathers usually are mature more with ready a to foreboding obey their of heavenly their heavenly Father. Father.

If YOU you CAN feel the TIE strings STRINGS are cut, you will want to tie new ones. Here are just a few suggestions on tying strings:

* First and foremost, look at your child with pleasure and smile.

* Enjoy their company and demonstrate it by inviting them to go with you when there is no reason but their

presence. For the young, look at pictures or read a book together.

* Sit on the floor and play. Tumble and roll, laugh and tickle.

* Take them on outings of adventure, excitement and "danger."

* A ten minute trip to the tree­house to see their creations.

* Let them lead you out to the swing to show off their latest stunt.

* Make a kite or build a bird house together.

* Mother, teach your children to do everything that must be done in the house. Make it all a fun experience.

painting,letthemmakeafewswipes. old. Don't When use the you very are young sewing, as let slave the young labor, they ones will sit on experience the floor and burnout. cut out Let doll them clothes. bake cookies When you at three are years

*

can Fathers, walk, they by their can participation, carry in groceries let the or boys bring feel in firewood. they are the Brag protectors on their achievements. and providers of the house. If they

The delight harmonywithyou. idea in is sharing for them with to them. feel that If you they order are very your special life so your to you, children and to feel know needed, that you they find will great desire satisfaction to walk in and

 

CHAPTER The Rod 5

I

"I observed LOVE a MY child BABY possessed TOO of MUCH continual TO discontent. SPANK His HIM" mother was vainly trying to elicit obedience to a

personalexpression." him miserable simple as if command. she by were the little He trying tyrant's was to miserable, remember rebellious constantly what antics, it was was complaining, she ill­tempered heard about whining toward "positive and him. angry. affirmation" But The she continued mother, and not made to "stifling plead his with it. don't As It's an you just objective give a stage him observer, he a is spanking going concerned through." and make for the him child's happy?" happiness The shocked and well mother, being, replied, I said "Oh, to the he mother, will grow "Why out of If why she does truly she believes sometimes this is become an inevitable, enraged, natural demanding stage (a a condition different for conduct which or little attitude? Johnny The is not mother, responsible), while excusing philosophy, him does and blame maintaining the child. a "patient" Down inside, vigil for she the knows "stage" he to should run its be­­could course, and be­­decidedly in spite of her different. verbalized His attitude thepublic. problem is heightened by the criticism and rejection he feels from a disapproving mother and from

spankings­­sometimes We have progressed to called the place "whippings." where a discussion "He that spareth of the his use rod of the hateth rod his is in son: order. but he Let's that talk loveth about him and "No!" chasteneth educators. cries him the The mother, betimes passage "I (Prov. love clearly 13:24)." my child states This too that much seems a failure to to spank go to exactly apply him." the opposite The rod parent is due to the who to feelings the responds parents' of many thus hating does parents the not child. understand: character of 1) God, the or, authority 5) the needs of God's of the word, child. 2) the nature of love, 3) his (or her) own feelings, 4) the

1.

UNDERSTANDING THE AUTHORITY OF GOD'S WORD

The wise God who said: "Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not (Mark 10:14),"

*

alsosaid: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." (Prov. 19:18)

*

"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." (Prov. 13:24)

*

22:15) "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." (Prov.

*

beat "Withhold him with not the correction rod, and shalt from deliver the child, his for soul if from thou hell beatest (Prov. him 23: with 13­14)." the rod, he shall not die, Thou shalt

*

"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." (Prov. 29: 15)

*

"Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shah give delight unto thy soul." (Prov. 29:17)

2.

UNDERSTANDING THE NATURE OF LOVE

made You up a child. may little have To children, refrain strong and from feelings therefore doing that so, knows prevent based what you on a is from claim best spanking for of love, them, is your has an indictment child, told parents but it on is to not God employ love. himself. The the rod God Your in who training actions

assume either God does not desire what is best for your child or you know better than He. taken deep Parent, feelings to you be love­­can need we to often know be have harmful the in difference association if not submitted between with those true to wisdom. close love and to Love us. sentiment. Such is not feelings sentiment. Natural can, human and That often is, sentiment­­often love are, is self not the

serving.

fellowman. the Love act is of not loving. an True emotion love is at disinterested. all. Love, in That the purest is, there sense, is no is thought goodwill of toward personal and return good nor doing of personal for your loss in

3.

UNDERSTANDING ONE'S OWN FEELINGS

An emotionally weak mother often looks to her child's clinging dependence for her own self­fulfillment.She passion finds a deep for the need child, met which within she herself takes as to she be constantly love, is too dotes sacred over to the jeopardize. infant's every Her insecurity want. Her causes consuming her to feelings cause consider the take only children precedence what to she reject perceives over her. the If to such child's be is her the needs. loss case, in the she act is not of spanking. loving the She child, is afraid she is to loving do anything herself. that Her might own The obey pitiful God in look training of betrayal up her in child. his poor Because little eyes of her just fear breaks of personal her suffering emotional heart. suffering, It would she hurt neglects her too the much rod. to "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (Prov. 13:24)." In her o n need she is so nai e as to belie e that her "s eet" child ill ro o t of it and be a onderf l

w v v w w g w u w u person. She thinks, , "Just
w
v
v
w
w
g w u
w
u
person. She thinks, , "Just give him a little more time; he doesn't understand yet."
love. To set If aside a mother one's should own feelings smother for her the baby purpose while of kissing objectively him, she regarding has not the loved good him. of the child is the only true
ANGER. Her own anger Then may again, cause this distrust her not to of trust the rod her may motives go back in corporal to the memory punishment. of a tyrannical, See chapter unreasonable 3, PARENTAL
way father. the opposite I feared She may extreme. my have father." vowed, The "I father will not never only be hurt like my her, father. he is now I will hurting love my her children. children They by causing will not her fear to me react the in
anyone children. Sometimes who Mothers images is spanking who from have a the child. been past The cause conditioned child a mother perceives to associate to have the protectiveness deep anger foreboding with discipline of the every mother impute time and the a will father motive whine spanks of anger for the her to
being God when and the effective sound father and attempts reason causes dictate. to deviousness discipline. Her in the lack child. of commitment It is time to to stop the reacting father's discipline to the past prevents and start it acting from as
Some parents latestpsychologicalresearch,whichvillainizesBiblicallybasedchildrearing.Theparentsareshamedand caused parents to about look child fail over to training. their use the shoulder rod The because modern before of applying parent peer pressure. is discipline. bombarded They with may propaganda, be in disagreement supposedly with based their own on the
4.
UNDERSTANDING THE CHARACTER OF GOD
The parent who excuses himself from using the rod based on an excuse of loving the child too much does not
well understand the character and methods of God toward His own people.
"Since There is God a current is love, thought He is not pattern discriminating, that has edged demanding, into the vindictive, Christian's or thinking. vengeful." It goes Essentially, something they like view this: the
other. love of There God as is a incompatible vague, undefined with the sense justice that of God God. was It once seems vengeful, to them but that is He now must passive, be either tolerant one or and the
threatening quoted ecumenical­­the as if way. God Universal Himself Heaven is could Father. well no received; God longer is stripped discriminate hell is suspect. of His between "Judge balanced right not," personality and the wrong. most and popular As defined much verse as in in a God non­ the is Bible, love, is so
much fire taking is he vengeance holy, just, judgment on them that and know truth. It not is out God, of and His that love obey of righteousness not the gospel that of He our is Lord coming Jesus in "flaming Christ (2
Thes. hardly 1:8)." be called To choose virtue. one side of God's character as a model for our actions, while rejecting the other, can
GOD SPANKS HIS CHILDREN
condemning Those who out God. of a "For magnanimous whom the Lord sense loveth of righteousness he chasteneth, choose and not scourgeth to use the every rod son are, whom by inference, he receiveth. If
But 8)." ye endure if ye be chastening, without chastisement, God dealeth with whereof you all as are with partakers, sons; for then what are son ye is bastards, he whom and the not father sons chasteneth (Heb. 12:6­ not?
most Then profound it says He statement! chastens us God "for does our own not have profit, any that sons we who might escape be partakers chastisement­­"all of his holiness are (Heb. partakers." 12:10)." And, A
profit." "spanking." did He stop loving Only through those whom chastisement, he chastened? could His Quite sons the fully contrary, partake love of was His holiness. His motivation He does for it the "for our own
"No chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous (Heb. 12:11)." God's chastisement is a
fortheson's"profit." Scripture painful "whipping." not only condones Our "fathers physical of the "scourging," flesh chastened but promotes us after it their as a own means pleasure to holiness­­when (12: 9, 10)." ministered The
no The chastisement, chastisement it is is represented not only an as indication a sure sign of of not love: being "for loved, whom but the of being Lord loveth, a "bastard" he chasteneth. So we see " that If there out of is
the rod very hateth love his of son: God but springs he that chastisement. loveth him chasteneth Thus, our him original betimes. passage " in Prov. 13:24, "He that spareth his
If them God's unto love holiness? is expressed I have by heard the "whippings" a rebellious teenager He gives, say, then "If can they we only not loved love our me children enough to enough whip me." to chasten
Recently, child thanked a mother God for told making us that his after Mama cracking sweeter. down The on her increased children spankings with a consistent had reduced use disobedience, of the rod, one
causing the child to be more in harmony with his mother. He interpreted this to be a sweeter mother.
5.
UNDERSTANDING THE NEEDS OF THE CHILD
The summarize very nature the previous of the child comments makes the on rod the nature an indispensable of a child (chapter element in 2) child and then training draw and some discipline. important We will
practicalapplications.

"Therefore gain natural SUMMARY: excessive drives to him for "They indulgences. food, that go knoweth cuddling astray But as to due and soon do to bodily good, his as they immature comfort, and be doeth born, reasoning soon it speaking not, learns to faculties, him that lies it (Psalm by is sin. falsely God (James 58:3)." does representing not 4:17). The count infant, Sin his the is through need lie not as imputed he sin. can responsible multitude where there of for is other no his law. selfishly lack (Rom. of conformity motivated 5:13)." The thoughts to the infant, law. and not Nevertheless, acts knowing that will, "good infants upon and do their evil lie. coming And, (Deut. children to 1:39)," the "knowledge issue is not forth held of with a good and evil," constitute a "body of sin." Though understanding, they are the not conscience now to blame, will be there awakened, will come and a time for these when, things through they the will development be counted blameworthy. of the

appetites (Deut Your child 12.'15). form is in But a a constant body when of one and infirm is incessant "drawn flesh. The occasion away God­given of his to lusts. own drives lust, The toward drive and enticed," itself the fulfillment is not and sin. the Lust lust of bodily conceives of the needs flesh with and is natural opportunity, " it bringeth forth sin (James 1:14, 15)." You cannot prevent your children from the life of testing that this body of flesh (skin, blood and bones, with

all

a its selfishly passions indulgent and needs) life. will The bring. rod is But your you divine can train enforcer. them "The in the rod disciplines and reproof necessary give wisdom to not be (Prov. given over

to

29.'15)."

Understand, we are not suggesting that a child can be trained into the Christian experience, only that the the lawful mind Spirit and use in body of convicting the should law. be them developed of sin, causing to its highest them to possible realize natural their need discipline. for a Savior. This We cannot are do talking other about than aid the

Understanding NEGATIVE FEELINGS the development of a child helps us to understand his needs.

Self­indulgence and an unruled spirit will produce emotional dissatisfaction. An undisciplined child will be lust the insecure. child results and Lack in the restless of adult self­control agitation. have an produces innate Feelings need anger. of being to be A governed. treated failure unfairly to get Otherwise, one's precipitate own purposelessness way bitterness. causes self­pity.Unfulfilled Because and lack of of this, identity both result. "A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame (Prov. 9:15)." As involuntary knows a child he has develops self­accusation. failed in in his doing sense It what is the of he "oughtness," soul ought knowing suffers any itself guilt. violation and Although not of liking his the own what child's standards it sees. soulish The produces faculties smallest guilt. are child not Guilt yet who is

completelyoperative,nonetheless,achildwhoviolateshisbuddingconsciencebecomesburdenedwithguilt

and self­loathing.

A

child who is so burdened will only becomes more vile when lectured, shamed, ridiculed, deprived of some

compliance, magnified accompanied privilege, made the but by problem. to his threats. go heart to The his This of room, uncleanness child actually may made provokes be is to induced confirmed sit in the the through corner, child in its to evil. one given anger. of these a painless The measures parent, whipping by to these yield or responses, a temporary jerking around has SELF­LOATHING CLARIFIED psychology, For failure clarification, to understand there I will exists the give the association my assumption definition of the that of emotion "self­loathing." man's major of self­loathing, problem In the extraordinary is "not which loving comes ignorance himself." from guilt, This of modern with comes the from a

supreme motivation of self­love. By hateth creation, his flesh; we but naturally nourisheth love ourselves. and cherisheth We think it (Eph. in terms 5:29)." of what will benefit us. "For no man ever yet

By nature, every human values righteousness and expects it of himself. To not live up to your own standards

is

God, to experience comes equipped self­condemnation with a permanent, (conscience) resident, and divine to suffer judge the (the pains conscience). of guilt. The human spirit, given by

fails The benefit higher to achieve the person one his values he goals loves his of own the right good most­HIMSELF. doing. (loves The himself) subsequent the greater self­loathing his own is nothing despising but (which self­rebuke is guilt) for when failure he to

A

child or adult who is self­loathing is, due to his self­accusing conscience, hating his own particular state or

lot­­precisely because of self­love. The more one loves himself, the deeper the self­loathing. If one truly hated loathing, himself, he is damning he would himself find great for satisfaction known violations in the negative of conscience things and that failure come to upon live him. up to When his own a child standards. is self­

Again, failure. the guilt demonstrates that by nature the child innately knows he deserves punishment for his moral

Therefore, application GUILT toward of chastisement. understanding A spanking the nature (whipping, of a child, paddling, a knowledge switching, of the belting) presence is indispensable of guilt is essential to the in the removal of guilt in your child. His very conscience (nature) demands punishment. Most worthy psychological of blame. One problems may inappropriately are rooted in guilt. be convinced Guilt only of occurs blame, where but the one guilt honestly is nonetheless judges himself self­ to be incrimination. Parents conscience child further who to out try curb to of shame some touch actions. with or humiliate true But repentance obedience their children and thus healing. into rendered right behavior will only will deepen see the the power false guilt, of a guilty putting the

factors. contrary, Guilt is The never, the despair guilty in itself, soul of guilt restorative. is a abolishes slave to That every motivation is, temptation. it does toward not Guilt tend right toward puts doing. one less out The blameworthy of anguish touch with of failure actions. the normal lowers On restraining the dealing reality expectations. has with caused the Guilt pain the lowers of modem a toothache, self­esteem psychologists but to not the to the point view tooth. where guilt itself one does as the not culprit. expect To to address do other the than guilt fail. is like This Those who suffer the consequential guilt of their misdeeds are often seen inflicting pain or suffering upon understands even philosophy, retribution themselves. by those pervades This all this who intuitively to self­abuse give be all the of their know case. man's is life an It that thinking. unconscious to remains denying wrongdoing Regardless a it. basic attempt With deserves presupposition the of to first "pay the and age, awakenings the can religion fiddler." of expect life. of or punishment. The consciousness, lack unwritten thereof, This common­law education, a law child is assumed or of Creator The guilt has burdened been lashed soul cries and nailed out for in the his lashes place. and Only nails the of rod justice. of correction Your child can cannot preserve yet his understand soul until that the day the believing the of moral sinner. dawning. look Guilt at is the the That bleeding, bars is why that crucified, enclose the soul the of substitute man damned never of in the rests the Lamb eternal until of the God. suffering conscience Guilt of is their the has law's sins. been chief Like pacified a witness zealous by a against prosecuting attorney, the conscience will not drop its case until it is sure that justice has been done. I diaper observed down, a small and gave child herself who, upon three being slaps caught on the bare in a misdeed, bottom. The turned offering, her backside though to cute, the was parent, not pulled accepted. her THE One what pinched young he CANE, is or commanded made boy NOT is to not sit THE spanked in not the CORNER to comer, do. when The or he more sometimes throws he rebels, a tantrum put the in a or meaner dark disobeys. closet. and guiltier It When seems he he that gets. comes he For delights out punishment, he is in madder doing he is than ever. He could intimidate a fire­eating dragon. Sitting right." darkness This in in a comer, the little soul. fellow he An was is empty being heard room reared to say, and to "Nobody a take pouting his likes place child me. in incubates a I'm jail as cell. bad guilt Dark as and the corners anger. Devil. and Only I never dark the do closets rod anything and breed reproof bring correction. Somehow children know the rod is their just due.

Guilt BLESSED is an essential GUILT part of our natural, moral self. Without it we would be like a smoke detector with no something life, alarm. a healthy But, hot, guilt response. designed is only Do a to means not give follow us to warning, an the end, modem a to temporary change philosophy our condition. actions. by trying It It's is the to a great eliminate soul's blessing pain, guilt as to through when feel guilt, we fudging touch a sign on of the they standards. are yet too Keep young the to standards understand, high­­as absolve high it by as means the person of the of rod. Christ. When Let their the guilt time come, comes, and the then, principles while of the cross will be easy to grasp. THE The soul,instructhisspirit,strengthenhisresolve,andgivehimafreshstartthroughaconfidencethatall parent POWER holds OF in his "ABSOLUTION." hand (in the form of a little switch) the power to absolve the child of guilt, cleanse his indebtedness belly guilt. (Prov. 20:30)." is paid. "Inward "The blueness parts of of the a wound belly" cleanseth is a description away of evil: the so physical do stripes sensations the inward associated parts of with the

properly Stripes ("scourgeth" and timely spanked Heb. 12:6) is healed are said in to the be soul to the and soul restored what to the wholeness healing blood of spirit. flow A is child to a wound. can be turned A child beatest back (Prov. from 23:13, him the with 14)." road the to rod, hell he through shall not proper die. Thou spankings. shalt beat "Withhold him with not the correction rod, and shalt from deliver the child; his soul for if from thou hell

Father, calling card as high and priest a door of of the access family to you your can child. reconcile In accompaniment your child to newness with teaching, of life. the Guilt properly gives Satan administered a just

spanking is restorative as nothing else can be.

Do COMFORTING you comfort your ROD children with a rod? If you have not seen the rod as a comfort to your child, you have missed Sam.7:14).ThenwillIvisittheirtransgressionwiththerod,andtheiriniquitieswithstripes(Psalm89:32)." its purpose. "Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4). I will chasten him with the rod (2 David, the Divine who discipline. experienced He the was rod comforted of God's by correction the rod. It and assured was chastened him of God's for transgression, control, concern, found love, comfort and in commitment. Children need to know that someone is in control.

the on "Chasten the rod intensity gives thy new son or while hope duration to there a of rebellious is the hope, spanking. and child. let A The not parent's exhortation thy soul emotions spare is to for can not his stand let crying their in the crying (Prov. way 19:18)." cause of a thorough you Proper to lighten use of up cleansing.

turmoil. An unchastened "Correct child thy son, is not and only he shall restless give and thee irritable rest; yea, in his he own shall spirit, give delight but causes unto the thy whole soul (Prov. house 29:17)." to be in THERE WAS A MIRACLE HERE TONIGHT to husband Recently, have any and a young more irritable children," couple with with their she five three blurted children children out. came under to five. us for "I sometimes advice. The feel wife like had I am become going unresponsive crazy. I don't want to her "There on and They the gave stayed bench was it a a in try. with miracle our Two them, home here weeks never for tonight a later couple making they and of a no were days stir. one in Afterward, submitting seemed a church to to the meeting notice." scrutiny. father, where As eyes After I was filled I was a looking little with speaking. instruction, wonder, around Their for exclaimed, they children discarded went home all sat The discipline,andthechildrengavethem"rest"and"delight."Furthermore,thechildrenwereobviouslyhappier. crutches, Mother he continued, later said, "Now, "A whole I think service I would and like not a to peep! have I more can't children." believe it!" A little training and a little THE MAGIC WAND first Don't time think parents of the see rod its as restorative a weapon of powers defense they or are a show amazed. of force; Picture think a child of the of rod any as age a "magic who is miserable, wand." The Every complaining, device has a bully failed to the to bring other relief. kids. When The kid you feels look that at he him, is living all you in can foreign, see is occupied the inside territory. of a bottom He is lip. to short obviously use explanation the rod plotting on this about the child, day bad of and attitudes throwing you are and off creating the the need yoke. a '"Nazi." to Bribed, love, I patiently still threatened marvel and or at calmly the swatted, power apply he of only the the rod little gets to worse. rod. his back­ After Fail a side. world Somehow, becomes a after beautiful eight or place. ten licks, A brand the new poison child is transformed emerges. It makes into gushing an adult love stare and at contentment. the rod in wonder, The trying to see what magic is contained therein.

Applying CHAPTER The Rod 6

TO DO MY DUTY utterlycalmandcontrolledspirit. matter." learning When the session. No time jerking comes Cleanse around. to my apply No child the raised ofill­temper rod, voice. take a The deep and child rebellion. breath, should relax, May be and able I properly pray, to anticipate "Lord, represent make the coming your this cause a valuable rod in by this your At this point, in utter panic, he will rush to demonstrate obedience. Never reward delayed obedience by reversing is who to come runs the from submissively. sentence. discipline And, However, and unless is too if all incoherent you else are fails, just to don't beginning listen, drag then him to use institute to whatever the place training force of on cleansing. is an necessary already Part rebellious to of bring his training him child, to bay. Prove If that you you have are to bigger, sit on him tougher, to spank more him patiently then do enduring not hesitate. and are And unmoved hold him by there his wailing. until he is Defeat surrendered. him totally. sovereign. Accept Your no word conditions is final. for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent

admonition. time Otherwise, enough tell You for him the have to inner bend his transformation undivided over on the attention. bed to occur. or couch; Slowly and begin while to spank. he is in If this you position go too fast, give you some may choice not allow

older Use take your time children, own to instruct judgment usually and when then as
older Use take your time children, own to instruct judgment usually and when then as to the continue what licks is effective. are the not spanking. forceful I found A enough, general five to the ten rule child licks is to usually may continue still sufficient. be the rebellious. disciplinary Sometimes, If this action occurs, with until
the don't child have is to surrendered. be as hard where A spanking they are is made consistently effective, applied. not by Your its severity, calm dignity but by will its certainty. set the stage Spankings to make it
moreeffective.
If much an older as he child would perceives if whipped a self­defensive, by an older, bigger competitive boy down posture the in road. the He parent, will he become will react subdued to the and spanking cautious
but not honoring. It will control his actions but not change his attitude.
INSTRUMENTS Make impatient, take the it a time point personally needed never OF for offended to LOVE use training, your parent hand blurts whose for out, spanking. "Just hand get continually Exceptions off my back, darts should leave out be like me highly a alone, snake. justified. stop The bothering parent, It is usually too me." busy the The to
hand swatting is a release of the parent's own frustration.
bottom Furthermore, is useless where as a the spanking, child is concerned, but effective the in hand causing is for permanent loving, not damage martial to arts. the spine. The hand There on is a no diapered surface
spanking, pain to the to child effectively thus whipped. reinforce Any instruction, pain would must be cause deep inside, pain, but similar the most to a pain fall or is on a car the wreck. surface Any of bare skin
instrument where the nerves according are located. to the child's A surface size. sting For the will under cause one sufficient year old, pain, a little, with ten­ no injury to twelve­inchlong,willowy or bruising. Select your
alternative. Sometimes branch (striped For alternatives of the any larger knots have child, that to be a might belt sought. or break larger A one­foot the tree skin) branch ruler, about is or effective. one­eighth its equivalent inch in diameter a paddle, is sufficient. is a sufficient
A CAUTION TO RECIPIENTS OF THE MILLSTONE AWARD
of children There the rod are would to always justify not some in ongoing the who least brutality act view in the themselves to extreme. their children. as Such such. could I can They think use would what of several call has themselves been right said now. about "strong These the disciplinarians." abusers legitimate of their use
"But were whoso hanged shall about offend his neck one of and these that little he were ones drowned which believe in the in depth me, of it were the sea better (Matt. for him 18:6)." that a millstone
Only FORMS a few OF parents ABUSE are categorically abusive. But, many parents sometimes give in to an abusive manner or
whirlwind, employ abusive the child methods. is snatched The child up by is rebellious. the arm and The given parent several suddenly bangs loses on the it and bottom. screams The parent's out. Like eyes a
Subdue! burn. Anyone The looking "You brow will hardens. on do the what face The I of say. pulse the You parent rate are soars. would not going Anger think to is there do the this best was to word a me war little to on. describe girl." Red the faced, feelings. muscles Smash! tensed.
anger children. The rod and should Where feel the not the need be child's a to vent strike good for out. the is not parent's There the supreme is anger. no place In motivation, the for daily that selfish run there of vindictive will life, be many problems. streak people in generally the discipline experience of
I average predictable sufficiently am ashamed parents in angry their to (Average say to "discipline" generate that, in parents most retaliation reactions. end cases, up against the They with rod average go the is through child. administered children­­the several at "warm­up" the wrong end of end an exercises intolerance of the scale) to become curve. are quite The
tell "Johnny, COMMON you again. stop SCENARIO climbing What do on you the mean, stool. 'No?' You Now could you break do something. what I tell you Did to­­right you hear now. what I DO said? YOU I am HEAR not going to
hard ME?!! headed? GEEETT You DOWNNN!!! are driving me I crazy! have had This about is absolutely all I am going the last to time take I from am going you. Why to tell are you you always so
"GETDOWN!!!"Thenshetellhimseveralmoretimes.
At this point it is a competition between the emotionally disturbed mother and the little boy. A cauldron of
hostilitygushesforth.Likeastrikingsnakeherarmbecomesabunglecordyankingthechildfromthestool, feelings anger and that, resentment in greater has proportions, built up in and this mother in the less that restrained, is momentarily lead to at murder a near killing dozens rage. of times It is the every exact day. Her
next defiance. of swinging flat escapade. handed him The screaming mother karate This has chops. has no through vented more The gyrating resemblance the her air. anger With child, and the to is his discipline other ready little bare to shoulder resume than hand a playground nearly she her strikes routine. dislocated, out fight. The at his child screams bottom goes his in off protest a to wild plot spray of his
Once case described) the parent's and feelings the kid of flees personal from injury sight, are or appears expelled sufficiently through this subdued act of violence not to cause (that's the what parent it is more in the
trouble, concerned the parent parent is is going satisfied. to patiently "Forget instruct the kid. the He child will not for cause his own ME good. any more The rod trouble must for be awhile." accompanied A truly by
i
f i
d
t
i
i d
B
f
d
't
ti
d

reproo n or er o g ve w s om. y reproo , we on mean ran ng an rav ng.

It

is this very knowledge of their own lack of self­control that constrains some parents from ever using the

rod. Their own life is so out of control and filled with guilt that they recognize their inability to be objective

and fair in discipline. Their unwillingness to repent and bring their own life into balance will cause the children

to

suffer from a lack of the proper administration of the rod.

reproof One of the give marks wisdom of the (Prov. unbalanced 29:15)." use Where of the there rod is is just the lack a venting of accompanying of the parent's instruction. anger, there "The will rod be and no reproof, careful, patient, not as the concerned last resort reproof. of a frustrated The rod superior should be force. viewed Reproof as an without aid to instruction, the rod is equally in that it unbalanced. reinforces

Philosophy CHAPTER of the 7 Rod

THE TEACHING ROD judgment government for The heavenly growth of of God­­and of citizenship. a our child Holy under eventually God. As the the The child tutorship the rod develops, grace is the of of the parents' God. the parents parents main is time tangible should spent accurately aid in to God's bring recapitulate moral the child workshop to the understand moral being fitted the To the small child, the father and mother are the guardians of all law, the protectors of truth and the enough impressions dispensers to enforce of of punishment the them, foundation you and will principles reward. be making The of parents Divine a statement government. are a window about law If through you in general. make which rules Your the and child responses do gets not respect his to first them accountability the transgressions child's world to are view God. stage­playing will Unless be false. all the transgression, responses of rebellion God. By and application meanness of of the spirit rod they be treated will understand as God treats their sin,

would The military be to your uses children real bullets like in replacing training the live men bullets to avoid with enemy firecrackers. fire. Replacing It would get the the rod men with killed hollow later threats on. Therefore, concept punishments, of law the how proper and could accountability. use the of child the rod believe If is temporal indispensable the great authorities eternal to a complete do authority not honor will world the be view, any law different? enough for the to rod enforce completes it with the

A

THE child defining FEAR must the take OF root GOD seriously of sin, Paul the moral said, "There law. "The is no fear fear of of the God LORD before is the their beginning eyes (Rom. of wisdom 3:18)." (Prov. The proper 9:10)."

In

use of the rod teaches a wholesome fear. Do not fall victim to the modern rewriting of "fear" as "respect."

For Jesus said, "But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear.' Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power

to

cast into hell,' yea, I say unto you, Fear him (Luke 12:5)." The Scripture makes a distinction between

honor, love, and fear: "Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king." (1 Pet. 2:17)

"Avenger" God Though in a we real of don't judgment all evil. have Remember, "the of real spirit accountability of you fear," are preparing we to who a reward understand your child in a real for eternity real eternity. living fear This to in be a is real in no opposition world game; and the to to rewards the face a real are great, the loss too horrible for a parent not to make this top priority. UNDERSTANDING The the grace end a of Christian God. Only has through GRACE in view is the not naked just submission sword of the to law the do rule we of understand law, but that grace. the child White should is invisible understand until

it

is placed against a dark backdrop. The law is "our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ (Gal. 3:24)." God

could not show Himself on Mount Calvary until He first showed Himself on Mount Sinai. By only strictly teach enforcing them to fear the and rules respect of the household the Lawgiver, through but you legislation, create opportunities accountability to and demonstrate punishment, grace. you What not asacredresponsibility!

Having discussion clarified on training. some important issues on the application and philosophy of the rod, let us return to our

Selective CHAPTER Subjection 8

I DON'T HAVE TO OBEY YOU

One very irritating habit of some children is their tendency toward selective subjection. Have you ever do?" attempted the child's (Most to obedience likely, correct the a to child, mother his parents, only can't to tell down be impudently him inside what he to told, is do totally either.) "You rebellious. are That not response my He Mother, is not demonstrates under you can't authority. that tell regardless me what to of

If

the child perceived some devious intent on the part of the adult and was resisting abduction or something

as

akin if regard it to was it, for such loyalty the boldness right, or caution. cautions would It his is be rebellion, in fellow order. mate, But which don't there is as delude should the "sin yourself be of subjection. witchcraft." into being Even proud when of your another child's child, actions out

of

There unwritten is by code nature is expressed in every child when an one innate small awareness child says of to common another, duty "You to the ought "good not of do being" that." The in general. conscience This

against general. that is not the No, yet just the seared rebukes child is is constantly of not his conscious peers, appealing he (neither is not for just are conformity rebelling most adults) against to this of a innate his "rule peers, standard. of law." but against He When may the a not child "rule even rebels of law" know in what state pride, of the self­love, rebellion. word "rebellion" and The will child become means, is violating self­loathing. but he his is own nonetheless A conscience. child functioning encouraged He is suffering exactly or permitted as guilt. an adult He to thus is functions building continue a when barrier is destined in of a

to

moral destruction.

THE OLDER SISTER keeping. couldn't My two youngest play A two­year­old with daughters, it and proceeded girl when picked nine­ to up take an and it item away. eleven that The years was child off old, limits. threw were Her a entertaining screaming older sister, some fit. fourteen, (That children was told her we her normal were she approach in paying back her parents­­they considered such behavior normal). My nine­year­old, amazed at this bizarre behavior, came and told her mother. Deb, upon investigating,

found The fourteen­year­old the little girl was admitted mad at her she big was sister not allowed whom she to discipline considered her to little have sister. no jurisdiction My wife over immediately her behavior. set up

a

training session. She took the forbidden object and placed it back on the floor in front of the child. You

may say, "But that is tempting the child!" Did not God do the same for Adam and Eve? "No, The child you can't immediately have it." stopped When the crying, child in grabbed triumph it anyway, looked at Deb, her sister saying and '"No," reached spatted for the her object. hand with Deb a said, little switch reach, she and assumed left the object it was within still within inches limits. of the When child's she grasp. again With reached, the object she received not being a spat placed and out a calm of her command. After one or two more times the child learned her lesson.

Deb As told the "No." then fourteen­year­old handed The forbidden the object object extended to the was older the then object sister left on to and the the told floor child, her in she to the place reached middle it in out, of front the only of play­room the to jerk child her where, and hand tell without her back "No." when touching miserable it, by she her played demands around was it cheerful the rest and of the congenial day. The the little rest girl of who the day. had previously made everyone

KEEPING REBELLION ALIVE

older To rebellion allow brother will your or always child sister, a be time baby there of sitter rebellion to come or peers, to and fruition self­will, is to allow when whether rebellion the external it be and around pressures self­will the to other are stay lessened. parent, alive. The grandparents, You seeds may be of controllingtheiroutwardactions,butyouarenotbuildingcharacter.

In

a family submitted to the light of God, the children should be in such general submission to the understood

are principle all accountable of conduct to that one they another. are submissive It should be to so give in and the home. receive rebuke from one another. In the church, we Furthermore, And what a load the older it takes children off the will mother! be more The responsible younger children when given are always responsibility allowed with a court the younger of appeal. children. If the

unfounded the older older child child claim abuses is valuable against his or the her training. older authority, child's It also it discipline is lessens a grave tensions, is offense. to receive since The double younger the older discipline. children child is The not soon left responsibility learn helpless that to in given make the to an presence of an unrestrained little brother or sister. BLESSED MOTHER, HAVE MERCY

A

number of times I have observed the difficult situation where one parent (usually the less sentimental

father) demand is instant firm in obedience. training for During obedience, the day but while the other the (usually father is the away, mother) the mother gives in begs, to sympathy nags, threatens, and is slack and to

compliance. after a while becomes sufficiently angry to impress upon the children the need to yield temporary The father comes home from work and is soon confronted with the rebellion and disobedience of his from children. seeing When her he babies spanks "abused" the children, by this they "stranger" wail cries invading of injustice. their domain The emotionally that, in front weak of the mother children, so suffers she father's steps in "justice." to challenge As his the judgments. mother becomes The children more and soon more learn critical how to of play the father the mother's and protective emotions of against the children, the

the children become liars and learn to manipulate the contentious adults. losers. provide The father a balance, sees that becomes he is losing even control more slack; and bears and down the gulf harder between on the them children. widens. The The mother, children attempting are the big to One parent should NEVER correct or question the other's judgment in the presence of the children. It is open better division. for your We child see if this you manifested support an occasional when a child injustice that is being than to disciplined destroy the by authority the father base begins through to plead your for father. should his mother. If respond a father When by is a spanking attempting child runs him to to for the make whining mother, a child the for eat mother her his and oats, should for and not the take eating child up his the cries oats. discipline for He his will mother, as then forcefully be then glad the as to the mother be dealingonlywiththefather. We cried times broke for of that the this other, and tendency a child then the to decides selective other that parent subjection one would is enough. early. come When over and one contribute of us would to the be spanking spanking. a Two child or and three he

important himself, After a child not that to has he cause been find us his spanked, to solace turn to he in another. the should one not who be did allowed the spanking. to flee to When the other God parent chastens for us, sympathy. it is to draw It is us to

Mother, away When demand, the if father you think expect, comes the train home father for the is and too house discipline forceful will be in to his peaceful receive discipline, instant and well there and ordered. is complete something The obedience children you can will do. from always While your he children. obey is their father, giving him no need to discipline them.

Training CHAPTER Examples 9

STRIKING OUT children his As my mother's wife (a two­year­old), was arm. counseling Occasionally upon with he failing a young would to mother, get reach attention, up I watched and picked poke a her most up in a amazing the plastic face. toy scene This wrench was unfold. not and The new began first behavior. to of pound two We

,

had previously observed these "way of Cain" acts of violence perpetrated on the little brother as well as on mother's the mother. foot. On She a previous would cry day out, my "Johnny wife observed (The name him taking has been a tricycle changed wheel to protect and slamming the guilty it mother), down on that his nothing her hurts foot Mother." while again. her "Stop And, responses in it, a that whining are hurts!" making voice, I'll tell a "Don't criminal you what hurt out your hurts. of little Mother." It hurts Johnny. to Wham!! see a mother Down abuse goes the her tricycle child by wheel doing on and his Well, mother with on this no and change occasion turned of on it expression, would my wife. turn After she out picked differently. the first up blow, a As matching the almost talk plastic continued, without toy. diverting This little was Johnny her not eyes got to fight from tired back, the of assaulting mother, but to home train. The the next mother blow, is the swiftly one who and with would more most than benefit matching from force, what was my wife about struck. to occur. Such As surprise! little Johnny What drove is this Again, little he pulled Johnny Johnny back feels strikes. his coming pained Again, arm from swift, and his examined arm? retribution Pain! it (training And carefully. somehow really). You it could Johnny is associated see is the very little with tough; mental the so, striking though computer of he this didn't working. toy. cry, As diminished is this if to new test thing?" in his strength. new he theory, again, This again, and time, with I but thought even with less less he would force, force, struck cry. he struck. No, my after wife The looking on immediately the at arm. his I mother, was returned thinking, as blow if to "She say, was will "What not lighten shecouldpossiblymusterwithoutstandingforawind­up. up this time and match his diminished intensity." Again, my wife struck, seemingly, with all the force

continued Now and mild you alarm. may to talk, wonder Johnny, my wife, what tough as the if enough all mother was for normal, was special doing the forces, all mother, this did time. with one Believe a of facial those it expression or pained, not, the crying divided two women faces between covered had wonder by a forced bottom smile. came To off my the amazement, couch as she with drew one­fourth back to return the original the blow; force, and he I again heard smack a little my karate wife. like This wheeze time, her come from conversation continued short wrench somewhere contemplative lay to limp trade had in about deep blows his delay, hand inside. died about he while in gave I anticipation was ten he times. a hoping little studied On tap of that my Johnny's that the Johnny wife's outcome. was returned part, face. was Johnny the getting I think blows with must he close a got was swift, have to lighter puzzled learning forceful had and a by Viking his blow. lighter the lesson. relaxed He lineage, until, let The non­ the after for toy a he threatening building gaveafriendlysmilewhenshedid. antagonism look. He to was precede accustomed confrontation. to being My argued wife with never and even threatened. spoke to He him, had hardly been looked trained at to him, expect and

Well, he was a lot smarter than the cat who learned to keep his tail out from under the rocker. He turned wrench away and pounded from still my in her his wife, on hand. the shrugged I arm. could As his see she shoulders, an rubbed idea come her bounced arm into and his his experimental cried, legs, smiled, "Johnneeeee, examined little head. that his He hurrrrt!" arm turned and my to looked wife his mother handed at the the took consistent, wrench two or Johnny to three her. times The would next to be learn time forever his Johnny lesson broken smack, for of good. a the tendency The young mother to mother be a was bully. courageously the one being returned taught. the If she blow. remained It only

that training. Understand, been The the the child case, adults' was his medicine cheerfully use of the would toy striking wrench have with been was the the not toy. rod. a Though substitute The returned frustrated, for the blows rod. he was This were not was teaching angry not discipline, or him mean. that Had what but out by he was picking better doing than up was one. he. painful Most little and bullies undesirable. are cured He by was meeting also being a bigger taught bully. that there Children were learn others not who to pick could up give wasps it

What seems is to hard love for her some dearly to and believe demands is that to the be results picked of up that when encounter she is near. endeared Children my wife are to comfortable little Johnny. around He someone experienceandfurthercounseling,themotherandthechildareshowinggreatimprovement. who has control of their own emotions, and with whom they know their limitations. Since this

We THE just LITTLE returned FOXES from having SPOIL supper THE with VINES some good neighbors. They are a fine young couple who are just that guilty beginning it is of the abuse their little or family. "insignificant" neglect. They Their are things children kind parents, that are determine their concerned priority. a child's to But, rear character. as their we children sat talking, properly. I was once They again would reminded never be The little three­year­old boy was between us playing with a little rubber bathtub type animal. He apparently To good discovered the laugh, delight there the of mother was everyone, still went some and to the especially water kitchen in it, the for so boy, he a towel. held the the goat rubber began goat to relieve over the itself table on and the coffee began table. to squeeze. After a

When she attempted to wipe it up, the little fellow said, "No," and tried to prevent her from removing his jerked protest, water puddle. around threw She with himself easily protruded on brushed the couch lip to him see and aside what cried. and other The wiped entertainment cry was the puddle not loud was away. and available. did He not gasped It last was an five all angry seconds over and in ten before frustrated he seconds.

the the The fifth coffee conversation command, table­­which resumed he would is always as cease he performed off and limits­­and go to the the first then next of sought transgression. a series out of other deliberate The expressions conversation transgressions. of defiance. continued He After climbed with about only onto an occasional training and lapse discipline. while he To was ignore being it, as rebuked. they did, This is to is waste exactly your the child. kind of issue that demands concentrated

will What result did the in his child enforcing learn? He his learned will upon that his his younger mother brother. is bigger He than learned he and that can he force does her not will have upon to exercise him. This of in self­control. his his heart defiled led Anything heart. to rebellion. that he Though is big enough the parents to accomplish were unaware is fair of game. it, his The subsequent anger that actions was allowed were the to product seethe THE PROPER RESPONSE I The don't proper 'wanna'." response And would he continues have gone to dabble something in the like water, this: sort "Johnny, of rocking here is back a rag, and clean forth up with your one mess." shoulder "No, be. and Rebellion the chin down, is in his not heart; too earnestly but he faces involved a superior in the power, water, yet so he waiting hesitates. to see She if the again mother says, is "Johnny, going to clean let him couch. boy hesitated, returns her the water switch. to grow Put with up therefore you If the now." up he hands to switch, hurriedly be (With I am wise down. and going my attempts like sitting Now, children, to Daddy, have in to don't front avert one to so move spank I of command a am switching him, or going you I says, will so is to by you have all "Johnny, help cleaning they will to you give would not I to told the hesitate you remember get.) water, you more to If the it he wipe licks." will to next again obey. up make time the hesitates, Lean no Mama water, difference. over she wants and the goes you her She for She then administers about ten slow, patient licks on his bare legs. He cries in pain. If he continues to show very again defiance calmly lecture by jerking say, him "Johnny, and around again clean and spank defending up him. your When mess." himself, it is He obvious or should by expressing he very is totally contritely anger, broken, wipe then she she up will the will water. hand wait him a To moment test the rag and and and in performed reinforce the box." this acts Or, moment "Johnny, of obedience, of pick surrender, up brag all on give the how dirty him "smart" clothes another a and command. helper put them he is. "Johnny, in For the the basket." rest go over of After the and day, three put he your or will four toys be faithfully happy all back and compliant. The transformation is unbelievable. You child. fewdaysyouwillhaveaperfectlyobedientandcheerfulchild. have If you just are witnessed faithful to the guard potential against making and reward of a peaceful every infraction, home and whether of an emotionally in attitude stable or action, and in obedient just a

I DON'T HAVE THE TIME from time Now, to properly I watch know exactly and rearing guard what your against some children, every of you give transgression." are them thinking. back to "But, If the you Devil. I have am pushed I duties mean to outside that, the even limit the if now. home they I are that don't church prevent have the you extended you activities. need the because If you rest have it of will a children chaotic bring. household, your first calling then you is that cannot of a afford parent. to If, do on other the other than hand, be faithful you are in discipline, over­ for

Just yesterday, a young mother of small children came to the house and told my wife this story:

"This morning, as I was sitting at the sewing machine, my son [four years old] came to me and said, 'Mother,

I

love you so much.' I stopped sewing, looked at the earnest expression on his face, and said, 'I'm glad you

firewood 'Do love you me, know for and I do love why what you I love you too. you say." You so are much?' such 'No, a fine why boy.' do As you I love attempted me so?' to 'Because, turn back you to the make sewing, me bring he said, in This four­year­old mother always can compare looks fresh himself and with rested. other I know children this and sounds appreciate pretentious, his parents' but it is guidance. the absolute truth. Even a

him than cause When A SWITCH down, sleep? and your effect you Get baby AT remember tough. to is NAP continue. tired Be TIME and firm he sleepy Put just with SAVES the woke enough him. little up, MINE Never one do to to become not put sleep. reward him irritable, But down his what complaining and don't of then the reinforce grouch allow by him allowing who irritability to would get him up. by rather to If, allowing get after complain up. putting For the the to sake lie of there consistency quietly. He in training, will very you quickly must come follow to through. know that He any may time not he be is able laid to down sleep, there but is he no can alternative be trained ALWAYS putting but to stay a rag put. consistent doll To to get bed. come up Those is to to be almost who on the are never firing MOSTLY need line the and consistent switch. get switched must use back the down. switch It will too often. become Those as easy who as are The in being infant laid is not down, reasoning the whimpering and reflecting comes on naturally. the best way If the to get child's his will. response The first is rewarded, time he finds you dissatisfaction can expect a repeat parent's crying of to caving­in the get whimpering. his way to the is eventually child's If the demand child going is again is to training lead rewarded, to the the child mother the to response being act the annoyed role of whining of "brat." with is the further Since child, this reinforced. it whining is better, The and regardless habit. of the mother's feelings, to break this tendency before it gets rooted and becomes a personality

yourself, Think Just think! of knowing the A convenience child that who they never of will being begs, all able still whines be to quietly lay or your cries in children for bed anything! when down you We and wake. have say, raised "Nap time," five whineless and then children. lie down OBEDIENCE month­old One mother, daughter. while reading When an the early mother manuscript came to of the this part book, (above) was about being not pulled allowing on by a her child whining to whine twelve­ ("If they told are tired her to put go them to sleep. to bed."), The sleepy she decided child responded to apply what by crying she was in protest. reading. Following She put her the daughter book's instructions, down and spend she spanked an hour the intermittently child and told crying her to and stop getting crying up, and only go to to be sleep. fussed The at child and laid had back previously down. been Nevertheless, trained to while mother the spanking she smiled looked subdued at how up to sweet the see crying that and the quiet and child caused the had child her very was. to quietly lie Without still. slipped The interruption, mother to the continued floor she to continued browse her reading, through her reading. and a book. after a The

notbotheringme,"themotherthought.Shethenrealizedtheissuewasnotwhetherthechildwasbothering Reading further, she contemplated the fact that the child had not obeyed. "But she is being so good and is sit child her, on but to the be whether floor in rebellion at or the not foot to she the of was her rule learning bed, of law. where to Out obey. she of would love She for rightly eventually her child, concluded go the to mother sleep, that by she inconvenienced allowing was effectively the child herself training to quietly and the shattered hourlaterthewakingchildwascheerful. the quiet solitude by spanking the child and again telling her to stay in the bed and go to sleep. An

The dolls THREE­YEAR­OLD other should day be at BABY our house, dolls, MOTHER a not three­year­old "Barbie" dolls. little The girl fantasy was playing arising with from dolls. playing (Let with me interject: baby dolls All causes children's the child "As about a to [child] a role­play year ago, thinketh mother. she was in his The disobedient heart fantasy so is arising he and (Prov. spoiled. from 23: Barbie After 7)." This some dolls little counseling, causes girl was a child role­playing the to parents role­play straightened mother. a sex Up goddess. until up on their interesting training is the and role discipline. she assumed Today with she is her an baby. ideal In little her girl, imagination always obedient the baby and started cheerful. crying What after was being given

a

command. She scolded her baby, turned her over and spanked her. She then spoke comforting, reassuring

words herownmother. and praised her baby for being good. She perfectly mimicked the loving, patient tone and firmness of

As we sneaked a peek at the proceedings, she continued her "mother practice" session. Several situations arose handled nice. You with the can't her make­believe rag have baby it now. which situations Stop she your promptly any crying. better. and SWITCH, She firmly told dealt the SWITCH. screaming with like If an you child old don't (a pro. rag stop In doll). fact, crying, "No! I could Mama That's not have will not have youcanplayhappily." to spank you again. SWITCH, SWITCH, SWITCH. OK, stop crying now. That's better. Now see if

Here is a three­year­old "mother" already prepared to rear happy obedient children. She knows exactly

from finished what her. to expect product. She disciplined from The her battle mother. her is baby won. And, doll As what long for attitudes, is as further the parents not amazing, actions. consistently she This knows three­year­old maintain exactly what what little they her girl have mother is already a near expects instilled, the child will never be anything but a blessing and help. BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS

 

A

child should NEVER whine and beg. This is an easy habit to break. Never reward a beggar, and the

went beggar out will of go our away. way to In not our reward house, a the begging one sure child. way If of we not had getting purchased your desire a treat was for the to beg children, or whine. and We one of inconvenienceforme. and watching them he became whined the other impatient to be children picked and eat up, whined the then ice­cream for I did it or not asked he pick had twice, him begged up he until was for. he If certain became I was to preparing be distracted­­even excluded, to pick even up though if a it small meant it meant child You may envision such a rule being enforced in your house to the tune of constant wailings of injustice. The satisfied works very thought again. with the of If the it results. may experience make If a child you proves ever feel like gets to be a his counterproductive, tyrant. way through If you gave begging it he a will 99% or whining, soon consistent stop he wasting will try, try you it his ten would energy times not until in be it fruitless whining. When beggars can't choose, they choose not to beg. THEHARDWAY For miscarriage. born. two Our years first After after son! three our My first years, wife child, was the my ever little wife so fellow possessive. was whose unable name By to conceive; the we age had of picked when one, he she out was finally five so years attached did, earlier she to had was her a that finally I had

 

to

submit a request well in advance if I wanted to spend some time with her. We were in no danger of having

more know any more experience much children. about as children, He a father could and was not thought the be left one with this to show was a baby just us different. sitter a stage unless that she would was run blessed its course. with deafness. A friend who I didn't had

I

guess the men just had all they could take of this two­year­old with the umbilical cord still attached. My

wife was the child's willing slave until that fateful day in April. I can still see my friend walking up to the car

where came up we to were my wife, unloading reached at a out, church swept outing. Gabriel With away the and other said, conspirators "I'll take him," shadowed and was in the gone. background, he

I

couldn't understand what he wanted with that bucking, screaming, desperate kid who was reaching back

return prevent over his a any cold shoulder rescue. to its pleading donor. I supposed with the his misguided mother to rescue fellows him. would His soon accomplices want to closed return him in behind like one him would as if to want to To came my back wife around it was the with opposite a new Gabriel, of giving laughing birth. She and was enjoying being the weaned. men's After company. a couple He of didn't hours run the to "trainer" his mother or resume his crying.

world and To our did was amazement, not larger come than to from be his an that mother's extension moment arms. of on his Ha! the mother's umbilical And I had self­image. cord my wife was dried back! up, The and next we boy had was a little soon boy on whose the way,

When discipline AS THE my WHEEL and wife train. baby­sits We TURNS try for to the be saints, realistic it is and always use discretion understood in determining to be on the condition what can be we effectively have full liberty to accomplished technique,theparent'ssensitivityandthechild'semotionalstate. in the time allotted. We consider the child's trust in us, his or her acquaintance with our

familiesattendingaseminar.Acouple'sfirstchild,aboutfifteenmonthsold,washighlyoverindulgedand On one occasion, Deb was keeping a mixed group of about ten children and babies, all from four different demanding showed it. He individual. had been He trained was missing to expect his "mother­servant," constant catering and and pacifying. was "complainey"­­not As a result, he just was the: a most "I'm sad and not Where lonesome, want is my to won't repeat. Mama someone I'll anyway? see love to it." I'm me?" going His to crying make said: everyone "I'm pay mad for as this all get treatment. out. Things This are will not be going a night my they way. will The pout. children He didn't were like all the placed entree at or the the table company. for a snack. He got After down a couple and began of minutes, to complain. the little Giving fellow him began more to leeway shown delight than we True would to his have attitude one of he our defiantly own, my threw wife it handed on the him floor a potato chip in which he had previously

, My ever patient wife, who was also quite busy, picked him up and placed him in a big, soft chair, handing to

.

.

and him turn a brightly the wheels. colored "See, roller­skate. turn the wheels," She took she a moment said. With to show defiance, him what he turned fun it his was face to away. hold it This upside otherwise down

sweet child had developed (rather the parents had developed) a selfish and rebellious spirit. If left to himself,

he

seehimdevelopingsuchanastyattitude. will "bring his mother to shame." My wife always had a special fondness for this child, and it hurt her to

rearranging She decided everything it was showdown on the table, time. and She quickly ignored obtained the other her children, switch who (twelve were inches happily long investigating and about the and diameter the the wheel." wheel of and Again, a small repeated he noodle). defiantly the command. She turned again his Again, placed head the defiance. away skate whimpering. in front of him She and again gently demonstrated and playfully the fun said, of "Turn rolling

repeated This time, the being command, assured and he fully when understood no obedience it to followed, be a command, she switched she placed his leg. his Again, hand on in the a mild wheels, but firm demonstrate handwithhisleft­apparently voice she commanded the fun of him wheel to to turning. turn reinforce the Pulling wheel. his resolve, Self­will his hand or as dies to far demonstrate hard. from My the wife skate it. brought as possible, other he children covered over his to right

After than himself. about ten In acts rolling of stubborn the wheel, defiance, he did what followed every by accountable ten switchings, human he being surrendered must do­­he his will humbled to one himself higher before turned the to other "highest" chores. and admitted that his interests are not paramount. After one begrudged roll, my wife

A

he

few had minutes previously later shown she noticed only disdain. he was The turning surly the attitude wheels was and all laughing gone. In with its place the other was children­­withwhom contentment,

thankfulness were informed and of a the fellowship transformation, with his they peers. intensified The "rod" their had training lived up program. to its Biblical promise. When the parents

 

Safety CHAPTER Training 10

effectiveandsafe. illustrations Some training may has sound nothing harsh to do to with some, character but I have building. proven, It along just keeps with many your child others, alive that and this healthy. approach These is both GUNSAFETY we the Being trained guns a hunting out them of reach. family, for safety. But, we with have the always possibility had guns of their around sooner the house. or later With coming little in ones, contact we with made a loaded sure to gun, keep With our first toddler, I placed an old, unused and empty, single­shot shot­gun in the living room corner. limits. into Aftertakingthetoddlerthroughthe"No"saying,hand­switchingsessions,theyknewgunswerealwaysoff someone Every day else's they house played and around touching the a gun gun. without I didn't touching gun­proof it. I my never house, had I to gun­proofed be concerned my with children. their going

We HOTSTOVE have always had a wood­burning stove for cooking and heating. Toddlers can be seriously burned by a When they red­hot always the stove. first wanted I fires have of to seen fall touch, were some so lit, I awful held I would them scars. coax off But, until the we toddler the had stove no over fear, got to knowing hot see enough the fascinating the to effectiveness inflict flames. pain without of Of training. course, deep burning­­testing them to be attracted it with by the my flames. own hand. I then When move the away. heat was The just child right, would I would inevitably open run the door to the long stove enough and touch for

they it. Just all as learned his hand their touched lesson. the Other stove, than I would the training say, "Hot!" session, It usually where we took never twice, even sometimes raised a blister, three times, we never but

had a child get burned. It was so effective that, thereafter, if I wanted to see them do a back flip, all I had to

do

was say, "Hot!!" They would turn loose of a glass of iced tea.

 

When SINKING our children FEELING were coming along, we lived in a house with a pond in the immediate yard. As they grew

to

be toddlers wandering around outside, we always watched them closely. Yet, knowing the possibility of

one legs getting to the inviting out of sight, water. we She cranked played up around the training. the edge On until a warm she found spring a day way I followed to get down the the first bank set of to wobbly the

water. I stood close by as she bent over reaching into the mirror of shining color. Splash! In she went.

recognition I Girl, pulled it was her cold. of out her and I inability restrained scolded to her my breathe. for anxiety getting When long close panic enough to set the for in pond. (mine her to She as right well didn't herself as swallow hers­­not in the any water to mention water, and show and her there mother's), some was

repeated the no need water. for the And resuscitation­­except same it got process easier with on us. all on the my children. wife who It took took only several one hours time to for begin each breathing of them to normally. learn respect We for

walking We did have at seven. trouble She with always one had of them. marvelous She is coordination. the one who became She just mobile wouldn't early, fall in. crawling I got weary at four taking months walks and over have to the the swum pond. water, out. So, I But, to just bring nudged it distressed the her class with her to graduation, my enough foot. to To make I this pushed. day, her not I Oh, still want she believe didn't to play that know around if I had it. As the left she pond. her was alone balanced she would

still sure No, closely they that you didn't watched can stay maintain distressed them, full and control of we the never water. of all had the My a circumstances. close children call. were The all training swimming worked. by Do the not time try they this were unless four. you We are

GETOUTFAST was Last bumpy winter, and my two rough. girls, When nine I and made eleven, a stop were at an riding intersection, with me I in heard the old the 4x4 two, Army twelve­volt truck. The batteries, gravel which road jammed "Get potentially are located out door. fast!" imminent. right As they behind soon didn't The as the ask, girls I cleared seats, "Why?" understood shortout the I door immediately none and on begin my of this. side, got to However, arc. out I looked An on my explosion when over side my to I said of run shoulder spraying (this around time to and battery see in open a how raised acid their they voice), was usually were

doing. They were gone. The door was still closed, and the window, which also sticks, was only open about half the choked gravel way. out. But, road "Head they rubbing first?" were sore nowhere I asked. hands "You in and sight. knees. said When get "How out I got fast," did around you was get to their out?" the accusing other I asked. side, reply. "Through there they the were window," piled up they in

My son, who was driving another truck behind me, said, "I didn't know what was happening. Suddenly they command. "Duck!" both came or flying They "Hit the did. out deck!" the There window has may saved come head more a first time than and when landed one their life. in safety the road." or survival I had trained will depend them to on jump instant upon obedience.

The TRAIN world FOR is sometimes REALITY a hostile place. A child must learn early to take precautions. Don't give your child a scissors, electricity. modified the sense School caution of reality. them. of sharp Drill Teach sticks them. them and Show about coat­hanger them heights examples. and wires, falling, Expose the terror about them of guns, to fire, death­­the the and danger the danger death of knives of of a poisons and pet, or and an accident two examples victim. to This a three­year­old must be done is with enough. calm, Control confident their reverence, environment, not with but don't fear. shut Don't out be reality. excessive. Expose One or them training own. to it ahead at a level of the they external can comprehend assaults and and to have at a them rate suitable worldly to wise their by maturity. the time The they goal must is face to keep it on the their

I

SNAP am the TO General. IT! My wife is my aid and adviser­­the first in command when I am absent. I rule

work. They bunker. benevolently. find In Mine doing joy know and Love so, pride the and that home in respect I will being team lay are part down runs my of smoothly primary my the team. life for tools and To them; instantly our of persuasion. consequently, common obey objectives a I command lead, they not will are command is lay met. their down part from theirs of the a for distant team me.

I

have taught the children to obey first and ask questions later. When they were small and I put them through

"drill" all paces, done them. they in the learned "Sit utmost down. to pleasantness immediately Don't speak and do until what usually I tell I said. you even If to." fun. they Understand, "Stand ever failed up," I to I was would instantly not say. taking obey "Now out a command, frustrations. come here. I Go would It was touch rooms the and door." clean And, them before up." Just they like could little, get proud there, soldiers, "Sit." Plop, off they down would they go would to the go. task. "Now, go to your

Negligence If one of them or clumsiness should fail in was his a attitude, time for he patience would and be spanked­­without grace, but lazy rebellion haste or was hostility, punished mind with you. the rod.

was They were confident, This dealt may seldom knew, with sound calm, without spanked. as hard all disobedience. cold a working, doubt, They and harsh. soon that loyal Such to learned I even children hope firmness delay it that doesn't; and every with obedience adults. consistency for transgression it In was meant actuality, warm, makes a received meeting because friendly, for a with a sense of "Just loving, our the of recompense consistency, rod. security. and Delayed produced of the obedience reward." children Even the ones today, over without six­feet) looking immediately at the children, sit. I can I can point snap to the my door, finger, and pointing they all to take the floor, it. When and a they visit all develops (including into knew a what counseling prompted session, everyone I have to given leave. the Teach gesture your for children the children to "snap to vacate to it." the They room will and be the better company for it, and never it willmakethemmorelovable­­whichmakesformoreloving.

 

Potty CHAPTER Untraining 11

NO MORE DIAPERS not experimenting On a diapering missionary their on trip our babies to own Central prior and to after America, stuffing further we them observation, were into amazed a carrying we by discovered the pouch. practice The that of infants an the infant primitive are is all born potty Maya with trained. Indians an After in aversion to going in their "nests." The parents "untrain" them by forcing them to become accustomed to going

in

their pants. It is instinctive in a child to protest a bowel movement. He kicks, stiffens and complains. Being

sensitive to the warning signs (after having changed 17,316 diapers with the first three), my wife tried it on bare provoke our new infant the arrivals. against start of When her an bare impending she legs sensed in "tinkle." a that spread the As leg child the sitting was child about position. began to urinating, "go," At first, she a would she little would stream go to say, the of "Pee warm toilet Pee." and water place On would other the occasions, bathroom elimination, the muscle to if function. she finish she still missed on set They the him the toilet, become signs on the while and pot so occasionally well a in bowel order trained movement to reinforce saying, to the voice "Do was the Do." command training. in progress, Even He that if she came the you would child to must identify was rush be through careful the the child sound with not to to with his the say the words at the wrong time.

doing mother Now, some all knows he can disbelieving her to communicate. baby is mothers hungry have or sleepy, said, "You she can are tell the if one he wants who is to potty go potty. trained, A three­week­old not the baby." Just baby as is a My wants mother­in­law to go potty." was In a equally minute, skeptical when Deb until came the out day with my a wife thoroughly said to her, relieved "Stop three­month­old, at the next station, my the mother­ baby in­law was convinced. For Many a while, a time our our bathroom red faced, became infant girls the end looked of a up pilgrimage to see a great for those cloud seeking of amazed faith witnesses in infant potty expectantly training. hovering in our large bathroom.

Understand, the child. An the infant child soon is not becomes made to accustomed sit for long to periods being of regulated time waiting to about to potty. every There two hours, is no discomfort or according for to sleeping and eating intervals. Many others have also been successful in training their infants. A HOSE WHEN HE GOES

A

good friend and neighbor had a big three­year­oldboywhowouldsitoutsidedrivingnailswithahammer

environmental and dumping in implications his diaper. I of suggested making such it was large time contributions to have a man­to­man of plastic to talk the with city dump. the kid The about father the verbal concerns, explained abuse. for that I So, he have did I suggested seen not want distraught, a to training cause impatient guilt exercise. or parents stifle the doing young emotional man's personality. damage to I their well children understood through his First, I pointed out that the boy's mother, busy with the other children, would, several times a day, pick up little this big lotion kid, on talk the sweet chaffed to him, spots lay and him then on put a bed, a fresh, take smooth off the diaper dirty diaper, on him. wipe Dumping him with in his a warm pants rag, was rub an a opportunity matter, the experience especially to get and on his must the mother's have child's found undivided part, it but the there attention. highlight is something of Now, his day. we quite understand inconvenient­­except that there is no for guilt the or kid blame who in loved this

So, washed my suggestion in the house. was He that was the too father big and explain too stinky to the boy to be that, cleaned now that by the he babywipes. was a man, From he would now no on, longer he be would be washed outside with a garden hose. The child was not to be blamed. This was to be understood

as

just a progressive change in methods. The next dump, the father took him out and merrily, and might I

say, carelessly, washed him off. What with the autumn chill and the cold well water, I don't remember if it pot. the took recipients The a second child of washing weighed my meddling, or the not, alternatives but, and it a week usually and later, opted takes the to no father change more told than his me lifestyle. three his cheerful son Since was washings. then, now taking several himself others have to the been

Onelittlethree­year­old MANY SWEET RETURNS diaper dumper, when watered down with a hose, looked rather shocked, gritted his teeth, resolute and martyr then adjusted on their hands, to the inconvenience. and understanding When the it principles, became clear they to sought the parents another that solution. they had While a tough,

last continuing child, the the little hosings, fellow the just mother didn't realized want to that, grow partly up. He due enjoyed to her attitude being the toward baby as what much she as knew she enjoyed to be her it. These rare occasion parents, when conscious they do of is their a real children's treat. This nutritional little fellow needs, was do a not Spartan provide when them it came with many to bodily sweets. The discomforts, but he sure did love the sweets. The wise mother cheerfully said to the boy, "Son, Mother has

decided that you are just not old enough to be eating sweets, so until you get a little bigger and stop pottying

sweets your as clothes, he was you the will hose. not Then be allowed the day anything for French sweet." toast For came a week around. he Not seemed eating to be syrup, as monkish they were about the allowed one teaspoon of powdered sugar per toast. After watching the other children receive their

in

know he powdered climbed you sugar, do," down, she the walked said, forlorn "but around fellow you are to said his not mother, to old mama, enough and "I with sure yet." do all After like the soberness his powdered deprived of sugar one breakfast making on my of French a plain revolutionary, French toast." "I toast, life­time From that decision, moment he on, announced, he took himself "Mother, to the I am toilet. ready A week to stop later, wearing the little a diaper. man, Take now possessed it off." That of was a more it. disciplined with a spoon character, of powdered climbed sugar. up to the table, sat down on his dry pants and had his French toast crowned

Bed your A NOTE wetting pride OF do or damage WARNING diaper dumping to your child. is not No a moral matter or how character ashamed issue. or It embarrassed is a natural physical you are, function. don't apply Don't let emotional the bed in his pressure. sleep, He understand is a product it is of not your a conscious training and act conditioning. that can be corrected If you have by the an above older child mentioned who wets methods, emotional. Don't ever nor embarrass Regardless, is it an attitude him buy or yourself problem cause him a that set to of can feel plastic be blame. dealt sheets with and by discipline. teach the kid The to problem change his may own be bed physical covers. or

If

child you will suspect grow it and could mature be emotional, in an atmosphere look within of love yourself and security. for the problem and get yourself adjusted. The

 

CHAPTER Child Labor 12

that's "It's WORK easier my DETAIL job." for me One to area do it," in is which a common our family reply. was Another weak was mother the says, work "But detail. I feel The guilty children making were them given work, jobs enough attention. here and to there, In take the but a early toy little out years, trained of a the box, mother in a he routine. is will old be enough If I primarily were to doing put responsible it it back. over again, for this this training. area would When get a much child is more old Mother, to get­chue," let your play, time "Here's of interaction how we always put our be toys training. up." "See, It is natural I put one and up, fun. now Instead you of put just one playing, up. That's "I'm good. going You're Too much a smart will weary boy, and them, you too help little Mama will prevent so much." it from Keep being the meaningful. chores within the scope of their concentration.

wanted time When to they establish but are needed. under lifelong My five, Amish habits it takes is neighbors before more time five. say to By that be the before their time "employer" seven they are the four children than or to five be are they their a drain should servant. on feel the But, family. not the just best the be Between self­sustaining. time a seven child and reaches fourteen, seven, they he should pay their be way. making After your fourteen, life easier. they A become house full an of asset seven­year­olds bringing in profit. ought By to

It

is essential to the self­image of a child to feel the value of his contribution. Though he may drag in his

work, young, he you is happier will be when able to his rest participation when they is are significant. older. Mother, if you take a little time to train when they are

Teach them to clean up all their own messes, and they will make fewer messes. Divide the household chores discontent. should between be them made A child according where challenged the to work their will size is not be and cheerful. routine ability. household Don't A child pay working chores. or bribe below When a child his an into outside ability working. will job be is Now, taken bored an on and exception as income, they can share in the profits in realistic proportion to their work.

training about sewing, The mother what cooking, teacher "Mama should is cleaning, coming always and I did for keep learning today." dinner). in mind about From that everything. the she time is molding they Let them are a future big get enough their wife hands and to tell mother. in a the tale, dough Challenge they should (unless them be the talking with child

were the climbing Fathers, women bringing by through the to rear, firewood time sawdust don't the boys in be and when surprised can stumbling they follow had if at you over to sixteen team around, briars up they before and they act roll should more they it through like could be "helping" daughters. see the over door. you the If work. you tops leave of My my your boys boots. sons were They for

over wobbly Recently, his fat two passing legs boys were a (one neighbor's held and apart two house, by years a sagging we old) observed instructing diaper an that them interesting obviously as they scene. needed folded The a changing. tarp. father The was But little patiently he one­year­old's was standing on his way

to being Daddy's man.

 

When families were part of a larger family unit, or even when the boys were in public school, the absence of

a

homeschooled father role­model by their was mother, less significant. they often Where lack masculinity. a working father leaves his boys with a flock of girls to be

l

i

i

i

i

i

i

'

l

f

i

i li

distinctiveness. hiding Gender behind ro e d the st A nct badge boy on needs s of demeaned professional a man's example n modern psychologists, if educat he is expected reprogram on. Dont to your et grow a coven natural up to o be feelings Sodom a man. on tes male and soc and a female sts, WIFE, WOULD YOU SAY A WORD? (By Debi Pearl) need thefightingandfussingoverchoreswhenthechildrengetolder.Spendafewminuteswitheachchildevery One of to the see most that their important contribution aspects to of the child running training of the is household letting a child is vital. take Training on real responsibilities. along these lines Children eliminates day would keeps going it require clean, over diligence. she different is also She chores responsible was step delegated by for step. seeing the Our responsibility that younger, it is supplied seven­year­old of keeping with all up the daughter the necessary main needed bathroom. toiletries. a job She that not only

sisters When the in and time passed came on for to our them oldest their daughter responsibilities. to go off As to Bible I watched College, her train she called them in her the 9­ various and 11­year­old chores, command, which day of included great a pride very laundry, sober to be able and cooking thrilling to entrust and occasion kitchen the younger clean for the girls up, younger I with knew her girls. I had responsibilities. To done the something older, departing Over right. the next It sister, was year, a it change was I a of watched as the two younger sisters, with great dignity, assumed all of their household duties.

counseling silly Although bow as I session am I walk still to through the find Mom, dinner the they door. cooked, are Many my the next a time, house in command. after clean, spending the I have clothes a often long washed, morning come and home encouraging two tired grinning from an a girls stressful doing a overworked, table would be overextended, lined with small exhausted children mother, already when eating, lunch and time a good came, lunch we would would be hear set a for cheerful us moms. call. An The occasion you spend like in training that does your more child, to persuade you are rewarded a mother than a hundred­fold. all the teaching I could ever give. For every minute

fourteen. Living in They an Amish could community, farm, work you in construction, see this over log, and hunt over. herbs, Our sons and cut learned hickory. several They trades love before working. they The were practicality seeing discipline the in finished of work a complete translates product education. of into your discipline own There hands. in is studies. a certain And, confidence the real­world that cannot experience be obtained points other out the than through

thousand­dollars apple hard brothers Recently, work, tree, and there outside careful sisters was a discipline, the year. came a death old back church among and to only bury house, one an their of lay eighth­grade the beloved a Amish farmer families brother. who Amish probably in All education. our of community. these never In siblings made the pine Several more were wood than raised of the box, two­ with grown under or the three­ the same The five brothers looking on seemed out of place in this primitive setting. One is a neurosurgeon, another is a life; early lawyer, he educational is one a happily a city opportunities planner, married and Mennonite another, that advantaged farmer. a computer If them. you scientist. consider It was the The the confidence fifth first one four has successful, and gone ambition on know to that be successful that comes it was from not in hard work and careful discipline in a family setting.

Attitude CHAPTER Training 13

KEEPING LITTLE HEARTS perfection. character solely faculties The attitude by of actions. of discernment a of child. your However, When children and a the bodily child is far infirmity has more disciplines an important of innocent the were flesh heart, than equal being their clumsiness to what their actions. it intentions, is, or If the misjudgment their intentions powers they could better of can concentration, always be express accepted be the judged as expanded For instance, her one role mother to bring left in her the little clothes girl from doing off minor the line, housework fold and and put returned them away. to find The the only little problem girl had was the damp that offering some clothes of as the and perfect. clothes returned It were was them not still to until damp. the after line. This the She mother, little later helper trained seeing had her the gone little proud out daughter glow to play in to her that know little the the mother girl's difference eyes, removed accepted the between with normal, the clumsy child's wet and attitude. self. dry Judge clothes. It is them embarrassing Training as God must judges to consider see us­­by a parent the the actions, upset heart. at a but child discipline for spilling should milk be or concerned acting their only

parent On the must other be hand, on guard there to are discern times when attitudes. there If is we no wait disobedience, until actions but become the attitude annoying is completely to initiate rotten. discipline, A it. before we "Keep only your deal thy child heart with can the with "keep" surface all diligence; his symptoms. or her for own out The heart; of root it are of until the all then sin issues is it in is of the entrusted life heart. (Prov. Know to 4:23)." you. your Let It will us child's observe be several heart some and years guard real­ lifeexamples

.

A

SURLYTEEN very frazzled mother of several children, who sometimes appears as emotionally worn out as an old

Confederate to change say, "Why a diaper flag, do commented on you one do of this the on to small her me?" failures children, The mother with curled her received thirteen­year­old her lip the in a response surly daughter. manner as added and The weight. looked daughter, After at her when the mother asked as

if

to

herself. daughter off for lack For was of awhile out certainty), of I hearing, felt guilty, she will the like mother have my to sins resignedly find were God being for said, herself." reflected "My daughter in my daughter; is going to but have (and to her answer voice to trailing God for

of

This home mother schooling has several and natural young living, children she and is too a dread emotionally of several taxed more to maintain on the way. responsibility With all the for responsibilities one as old as

thirteen. on. It was as if she were giving up on this one to pour what strength she had left into the ones coming

Hard work is never as draining as is tension. One who is emotionally discouraged wakes up tired. The

thirteen­year­old daughter, who should be a blessing and encouragement to her mother, is an added burden.

If

this older daughter had been given proper attitude training, the mother would not now be so vexed. It is

possess must not impossible, be the appealed reigns but to of much and his own reasoned more heart, difficult, with he must much to alter be as wooed the one attitude would as a sinner of another older is children. adult. wooed When by They the a child Holy reach gets Spirit. a point old where enough they to STARTING OVER impossibility improvement. Those of you of who Be the absolutely have task stair­step of retraining consistent, kids the in and whole a dismal don't lot. let state Start the of with older disrepair the ones ones discourage may still be within discouraged you. an age­range Their with time the to is coming! seeming show quick

general Confess There is anarchy, a to wonderful your older restoring psychological children order that to one you principle district, failed working to the properly other for districts you. train When them­­accept take the notice military and the blame. moves involuntarily But into now an quiet area that down. of you know and side­­though watch. better, When you they are they may going see not the say to do least so. differently When improvement they with become the in their younger convinced spoiled children. little of an brother The absolutely older, or sister, spoiled positive they kids transformation will will be sit on back your in the and younger benevolent, siblings, they they will submit will want to your to get discipline, on the reclamation believing list. it to As be long for their as you good. remain compassionate, sane

The more times rational when, self. due When to laziness you conquer or passion, one, rebellion the others rises, will your know discipline where you will are carry headed them and through be confident to their that you and then mean he business. will settle When down. you Once pen you up a convince dog, he will a child run that around there searching is no alternative, until he is he sure will there submit. is no way out,

Your children children's love themselves natural self­love too much causes to buck them the to inevitable. assume the But easiest remember, stance they in any know given you circumstance. as a vacillating Your weakling, They will try never to make sticking it inconvenient. by your principles, Start with ignoring the youngest them when and it work would your be inconvenient way up. Let them to do know otherwise. what is coming. CORRECTION Grin, you * Endurance. have secret weapons: * A plan * Love * Patience * Reproof * THE ROD OF

THROWING A FIT­­TEMPER TANTRUMS

failure bared My nine­ his to train toothless and eleven­year­old her child. gums A and seven­month­old called daughters down came damnation boy in had, from on upon a neighbor's the failing whole to place. house get his At complaining way, a time stiffened, like of that, a clenched young the angry mother's his fists, expression right do?" My thing, incredulous on stood a baby's there nine­year­old in face helpless can resemble consternation, whipped that back, of one apologetically "Switch instigating him." shrugged a riot. The The mother her young shoulders responded, mother, and wanting "I said, can't, "What he's to do too can the I little." With the wisdom of a veteran who had been on the little end of the switch, my daughter answered, "If

he

is old enough to pitch a fit, he is old enough to be spanked."

PERSISTENCE Some getting have his asked, unrestricted "But what way, if you the child can expect only screams just such louder, a response. gets madder?" He will just Know continue that if to he do is what accustomed he has

to

bullied. always done Give to him get more his way. of the It same. is his purpose On the bare to intimidate legs or bottom, you and switch make him you eight feel or like ten a crud licks; pile. then, Don't while be submissive waiting for whimper, the pain to you subside, have conquered; speak calm he words has submitted of rebuke. his If will. the crying If the crying turns to is a still true, defiant, wounded, protesting tougher and other than than he, a response it may take to a pain, while. spank He must him again. be convinced If this is that the first you time have he truly has altered come your up against expectations. someone There parents is are no so justification guilt laden for and this paranoid to be done that in they anger. are If unable you are to carry the least this angry, through wait to until the end. another time. Most

If

screaming you stop protest. before he is voluntarily submissive, you have confirmed to him the value and effectiveness of a

has The learned next time, the it ultimate will take triumph twice as of long endurance to convince in this him episode of your in which commitment he has prevailed. to his obedience, Once he because learns that he three willnotworkagain. the reward times of and a tantrum then fail is on a the swift fourth, forceful he will spanking, keep looking he will NEVER for that loop­hole throw another until you fit. If have you convinced enforce the him rule it

If

home a parent a fit was starts totally at infancy unknown discouraging because the the first first crying time it demands, was tried it the proved child will counterproductive. never develop a habit. In our

PARENTALPROTOTYPES parents Never situation expect who where neglect more one of or the your both rod children and of the reproof parents in the will are way have an of emotional grouchy, attitude than complaining, wreck, you not are much yourself. tantrum­oriented can Happy, be expected well children. balanced from the But, child. in a

A

CHILD IS GOING TO BE THE HARVEST OF THE PARENTS' TEMPERAMENT. If the mother is

sulky, anger and critical impatience, or selfish, his the sons children will be will also. have If the a tendency father is to rude, be the demanding same. If the and father disrespectful is a bully of or the full mother, of

the mother will not get much more out of the boys. If a father is intemperate or lustful, the children will likely

be

the I have worse. third seen and God many, fourth says, despising generation I will visit their "the (Exodus parents' iniquities 20: sin, [not 5)." grow Children guilt, up to and be grow not just blame] like up into them. of their the fathers father's upon and mother's the children likeness. unto

The try to lesson "beat in the this ugly" is: YOU out of MUST a child BE who what is just you a display want your window child of to your be­­in own attitude attitudes. as well as actions. Don't

mouth, syndrome. An THEY all too gloweringly BETTER common I can still NOT problem, threatening remember MISTREAT much as to tell a more youth his MY often mother. some BABY found cocky, How in did swaggering mothers, parents is produce the brat "They sneering such better ugliness? out not of mistreat one side my of his baby" It's children. easy. Just Let him be very see protective your anger of at your his being child mistreated and always by get his emotionally peers, baby involved sitters, teachers in his disputes or other with adults. other Let see he him gets know his you due. believe he is always in the right and people are out to mistreat him, but you are there to

child, youwillnotbelievetheaccusationagainsthim,youarebreedingpersonalityugliness. And to accuse cap it that off, person when someone of lying. who When is your the child's child knows senior comes that in to social you relationships with an accusation he can against act selfishly your and

It

to

is deal not with going it to sooner harm or your later. child When for accused, him to be if falsely you have accused doubts a few about times his (that's guilt, patiently life). He will search have out to the learn

matter. your defensiveness If you determine on his that behalf. he is falsely accused, tell him and then quietly drop the matter. Don't let him see

him. he is If roughed­up you jump to by his his defense peers, every rejoice; time he another is learning child early takes about away the a toy, real pushes world. your Don't child make down, a sissy or out even of pops him in the nose, you will rear a social crybaby.

If

are, for When your the you better child; demand to but learn you that that can your they mold child deserve a feel­sorry­for­myself be treated no equality. fairly, you Your are attitude. reactions protecting If you are him not are from tough going reality. they to make will The life be younger tough. any less they unfair

WHY IS EVERYBODY ALWAYS PICKING ON ME? under While five I teach is a a house Bible full). class, One my of two the daughters mothers returned help baby­sit to find a house her three­year­old full of children daughter under five whining (five children of being class­A­altercation mistreated floor and "turned by a little the without fellow other cheek"­­only under sufficient two. provocation. They to have all confirmed it The walloped older that also. and the physically In stumbling her presence, superior toddler the little had mother in girl fact just pitied provoked sat the on little the a girl and spoke critically of the little boy. My the nursery daughters workers watched cracked the situation down on carefully, the assailant, and on he several ceased occasions his misdemeanors. observed him [Most assaulting attacks her. were But, the as result of his stumbling while practicing his walking.] The emotional bright weakness and otherwise in order sweet to get little her girl way. is very She obedient, whines about but she everything has developed and seems a habit to of suffer practicing out of proportion to her happy lot in life. The young mother has cultured this tendency. During suffering "victim" the always at succeeding the hands gave of an weeks, the evil twenty­four­inch report. the mother They would made nursery it greet a point stalker. her to daughter watch The nursery closely, with a sympathetic workers and were became sure inquiry that aware on as the to that her the occasions attacked. They when observed there was her no playing conflict happily with the until alleged the mother assailant, arrived, the little at which girl still time gave she a report would of jump being up and

run into the arms of her sympathetic mother with whining tales of abuse.

daughter. As the talk It escalated was becoming and the clear stumbling that the tot's emotionally infamy grew, weak the girl mother thrived more on playing carefully the questioned role of the her abused. One persuaded night the him baby to reach sitters out observed and strike the her little on girl the telling head, the she boy, would "Hit go me. to the Go workers on, hit me." crying When of being she finally struck. This abuse was to again repeated make on her several the center occasions. of her Then mother's when sympathy. the protective mother arrived, the little girl had a tale of

On him. one When occasion, the mother when arrived the little and fellow those was in charge in the other told her room, that the her girl daughter fell down lied crying about of being being abused, struck she by again took up for the child and denied that her daughter could lie.

I

rejoice to say that this mother has one of the best learning attitudes of anyone I have ever met. When

confronted, the mother realized she was making provision for her daughter to grow up breaking the ninth she child'sattitudeshowedquickimprovement. commandment:("Thoushaltnotbearfalsewitnessagainstthyneighbor."Exodus20:16).Shealsorealized was cultivating a sour disposition in her little girl. She repented and immediately began working on it. The

Bad BAD attitude ATTITUDE is pure bad. For as a child "thinketh in his heart, so is he (Prov. 23: 7)." "Keep thy heart with all

diligence; for out of it are the issues of life (Prov. 4:23)." If a child shows the least displeasure in response to

a

command or duty, it should be addressed as disobedience. If a child sticks out his lip, you should focus

your sign training to instruct, on his train bad or attitude. discipline. The A wrong cheerful, slant compliant of the shoulders spirit is the reveals norm. a Anything bad frame else of is mind. a sign Consider of trouble. this To contemplate families those simply whose such raised families designs their have on standards their always family, to been demand this out seems of of control, their like children an these overbearing, goals this quality seem unrealistic ridiculous. of obedience, goal. To Granted, some it would who if be some overbearing. Sulking, pouting, But, whining, when approached complaining, as a begging revamping and of the the like, entire should family, become it no longer an eradicated seems unreasonable. disease.

a

This for far is less; not just it is an the idealistic daily experience goal for which of many we generally families, including aim, while our secretly own. entertaining Like a well cared a willingness for garden, to settle weeds but the do training come base up that we must have be described dealt with; provides but they the certainty are never of given a thriving a chance garden to seed. of children. Problems do arise;

 

Emotional CHAPTER Control 14

THE AMISH FAMILY delegation, When an Amish for all family the self­control with their and twelve order children present. comes The children over to visit, are taught you would to maintain think it control was a Japanese of their

don't emotions. are trampled talk or They play on by are loudly. another all respectful If hurt, child. they This of your don't is consistently property cry excessively. and accomplished presence. The children When through in learn the consistent presence to give­over training of adults, when and their the discipline. children rights SCREAMING We outdoors.] of the were imminently at when a saints' TEEN a perishing. twelve­year­old "dinner on If one the grounds" of girl my who kids had [This had been is screamed not swinging eating like off on that, the a swing I ground. would set have It commenced is eating expected together to her scream to have the cry been of food caught on the in ground a people and eating ran to machine the rescue. slowly She being appeared dragged to have to destruction. fallen out of We the all swing, threw with our paper no plates perceptible her for what damage. he thought (We was later a broken discover arm, she she had rolled received and one thrashed, bee sting.) kicked When and the squalled. father She tried sounded to examine much like someone tied to a hill of fire ants. For him mad." the examine next ten it, but minutes continued he tried the to screaming. get her attention, Ten seconds demanding of that, to and know I said what to my was wife, wrong. "She She isn't wouldn't hurt, she's let

much honey? As I returned energy. Tell me to Furthermore, where find my it hurts." paper the plate, screaming I knew I could she had wasn't occasionally the badly sound hurt, of hear a for protest­­an the no father's one who assault bellow was cry. hurting over hers, could "What's muster wrong that After the men had shared a couple more fishing tales, we saw them carry her past us into the house where noise, her arm the was men eventually were starting pronounced to tell war just stories. fine. I Be was careful glad when not to they make got emotional her indoors. liars With out of the your background children by

your own emotional weaknesses.

For POOR your THING, childrens' WHERE own good, DOES teach IT them HURT? to maintain control of their emotions. If you do not want to

your produce toddler a sissy falls who over uses on the adversity floor, don't as a chance run and to pick get him attention, up, speaking then don't in an program alarmed them sympathetic that way. voice. When

I

remember a stunt performed, when I was only about eight years old, for the entertainment of all the adults

What this." present. Speaking did My you little do? to toddler the Does infant it cousin hurt? in a was Show pitiful, sitting it compassionate to Mama." on the floor Sure voice, playing enough, he happily, said, my "Oh! happy when is little the my baby cousin older hurt? cousin puckered Poor said, thing. up, "Watch him happily started up, crying told playing. him and I it instantly made would his be programmed way all right, to his brushed mother that away off for the emotional for imaginary future support. use. dirt, Over and To the sat the him years, roar back I of observed the on the adults, floor that she to same continue picked phenomenon mother was rushing many times. to her Only child's once real or or twice imagined was distresses. it done deliberately for entertainment. The other times a

TOUGH TEENS position When I was to the yet floor young and I determined bumped his that head, I would we pretended rear no sissies. to ignore When it. When an infant a toddler fell over took from a spill, a sitting we let him knee, stumbled lie, whimper we paid into a the no second attention dirt, we and let except then him climb deal to say back with something it. up When for another like, the young "You try. When shouldn't ones wrecked a toddler go so their fast fell until bicycle out of you the and learn wagon skinned to ride or their happened time." better." "Take They to you, it would easy. tiger?" Don't come "Oh, break in to nothing. dinner something." Just and slid we would out on see the bloody curve in knees the loose or skinned gravel. hands I think and I can ask, make "What it next

hold necessary, Now each our responses, other we administered back or in lack order it of, calmly for were our and child not efficiently, unconcern; to learn the returning quite lessons the them of contrary. life. to The their There times play. were when times medical when attention we had was to

Your ultimately response an adult, is important who hurts to himself the development when he needs of character. attention. You do not want to produce a teenager, and

When herself nonetheless still every a more youth, time pleasant she I saw gets a to emotionally teenage live with girl, a disturbed. jilted child by or a teenager If, boyfriend, in your who family, feign is not being these a "crybaby." hurt. extremes I know Also, never an your adult occur, daughter's who it is hurts future husband will appreciate your having trained her. And your sons will be better men. HOLD When our STILL first daughter was a young girl, maybe seven or eight, I looked up to see a brown­recluse spider

daughter crawling along had been her taught neck. Their to trust bite and is very obey. cruel I said, indeed. "Don't A move." pound of She flesh froze. may Not rot a out muscle where twitched. one bites. Fear My rising out, paled and her compulsion carefully eyes as she flicked to slap followed the at it, spider to our flee intense away. screaming. I stare was thankful and She felt stood the we perfectly creature had trained rigid creeping her as to I slowly up maintain her neck. approached, control I could of her reached see the emotions. THE TUMBLING TOT

I

was driving my truck some distance behind a horse­drawn hay­wagon when a little fellow about four or

continued five After years a couple old to rattle fell of failed off along. the attempts back I thought of to the I jump might wagon on, go into someone to the the gravel rescue, saw him road. when and, No he grabbing one jumped had noticed up a hand, and ran him, swung to and catch him the the back wagon wagon. on

the world wagon. to stop After simply being because seated, he he was rubbed lying his in a sore dirt spots road skinned and continued up. I can on imagine to the field. the fuss He did if that not had expect the happened to the modern, over­indulged, under­trained child.

are When CRYING sleepy, 'crawlers' put BABIES, them or 'scooters' down OR CRYBABIES for cry, a nap. there If should they are be truly a legitimate hurt, give reason. time for If they the pain are to hungry, subside. feed If them. they are If they close. them. physically Don't If they uncomfortable, let are your grouching, child stay adjust discipline unhappy. the environment. them Meet to the get real control If they needs are of and their wet, make self­centeredness. change their them. selfish If they crying If they are an afraid, are unrewarding mad, hold switch them experience. times is training and levels. you. The mother However, should when be the careful infant to is anticipate allowed to the gain infant's control real of his needs environment and meet through them at whining, appropriate he

 

Training CHAPTER in Self­Indulgence 15

Early become HIS WIFE, habits emotionally are SHE lifelong ATE disturbed? habits. NO LEAN Why They is get it that angry some or depressed fat people and find then themselves go to the compelled refrigerator to eat as a when way they of coping. compulsion I have to bury been their told by disappointment grotesquely obese under women a stuffed that belly. they wouldn't be fat if it were not for their

Now, I am not attempting to define the cause of all fatness, nor even the sole cause of some; but it is at least

a

contributing factor in some cases. How did this connection occur? The human/animal tendency to accept

conditioning is extraordinary. Every time I think of an orange and imagine eating it, I have a muscular experiences, reaction in the I have back been of my conditioned jaws. I experience that way. sourness It is not when voluntary. the orange I can is not still help in Orlando. the programmed Through response. repeated When a baby is breast fed, there are physical limitations to how often and when he can nurse. With a bottle his convenient fed mouth. baby­­even As baby­sitter. the when food the goes An bottle emotionally in, the is given tension disturbed after and a anxiety year child of can breast go out. be feeding­­the quieted An angry by child simply bottle can poking becomes be pacified a synthetic a mighty by a "pacifier" nipple in anything control, or bottle. HE through A child IS LEARNING a can bottle be put or pacifier. to TO sleep COPE What with BY food. are PUTTING you You doing can SOMETHING purchase to your child? for yourself Not IN only HIS a reprieve is MOUTH. he failing from to almost learn self­

The often addiction keep something to cigarettes in his is mouth? not all nicotine. Many a tree Have has you been ever eaten noticed one how match a person stick at who a time. quits smoking will

Many their the refrigerator nervousness fat people becomes have drive no them their desire to emotional the for food refrigerator. support. early in Late the day. at night, Not until when the the day's problems responsibilities of the day mount are backed up, does up,

I

am convinced that parents who provide emotional consolation through food or the sucking sensation are

training 5:23). Parent, their children if you not to be only self­gratifying cater to your and child's indulgent. appetite, "Temperance" but actually employ is one of it the as fruits a means of the of purchasing Spirit (Gal.

compliance,whatareyouinstilling?Remember,thefirsthumansininvolvedeating.TheDevil'sfirst appetite temptation more, encourage­­lack (Prov. to the 23:2)." Son of There of God self­control is involved a spiritual in eating. any principle area "And is involved to put condition a knife here to the that thy child throat, goes to far be if thou deeper. generally be To a man intemperate. allow­­much given to

A

INHERITED parent's example INTEMPERANCE of intemperance in one area may be manifest through the child in lack of self­control in

another Yet, the area. parental Some example children of intemperance so despise their will parents' manifest weakness itself in that another their area reaction where propels their guard them is far not from up. it.

are Parents intemperate who are in intemperate possessions in may food have may reactionary have skinny children children who who are become intemperate intemperate in drugs. in sex. Intemperance Parents who in mocked: flesh any area reap is for corruption a whatsoever grave, destructive (Gal. a man 6: 7, sin. soweth, 8). Your Man that shall children shall not he live will also by reap reap. bread what For alone you he sow. that (Matt. soweth "Be 4:4)." not to deceived; the flesh God shall is of not the

If

as an adult you realize that your parents passed on this intemperance to you, you can either blame them

children's. and continue letting your belly be your god or you can throw off the curse for your sake as well as your

I

have sadly observed many children being trained in the art of selfish indulgence by the example of parents

gathering to themselves and their children the things of this world. The child raised with commercial gadgets satisfaction real heaped life. upon Never in his the consider lusts simple is much your things affluence more of life. prone The to be child to an be who advantage envious grows and to up covetous your deprived children. than of nothing the It is poor a handicap is child greatly who for handicapped finds which you in must Tim. 6: compensate. 6­19; James Examine 5:1­5). Jesus' words regarding the disadvantages of the rich: ( Mark 4:19; Luke 12:15; I

CHAPTER Bullies 16

One more IS EVERYONE of than the one rules­­more child, HAVING good of a honest principle­­in FUN? sparring our sometimes home is: degenerates "If it is not fun into for bullying. all, it is not We fun kept at hands all." Where off as much there is as inevitable, possible. but If the if it kids got out were of having hand or a they social came conflict, to us, we then tried we to would let them step work in to through arbitrate. it. A pecking order is

Let's BLOWING create a UP likely scenario: One of the girls is trying to blow up a balloon while the brother, several years laughing older earnestl (who at resist is her normally helpless He is havin very protests. congenial such It fun starts that with out he his with continues sisters), her involved is with preventing increased in the her game, vi from or but to accomplishing thwart she soon her tires efforts her and task She starts and is to

getting aggravated y and complaining. He laughs louder. She starts physically resisting, jerking away, swinging "He deflator. her elbows won't "OK, let and me What's yelling, blow the up "Stop my problem?" balloon." it!" He doggedly Father So, it asks. is pursues time "Oh for nothing, his a little goal training of we're proving just and playing," his reproof. prowess he says. as chief­balloon­ She protests, THE WRONG APPROACH out blow The of wrong it here; up in way I his can't to presence hear handle myself to this prove would think!" her be victory. He to would impatiently They toss would it yell, over "Give continue with her an to "I the silently beat balloon you" compete so sneer; she will and until she shut another would up and try get to opportunityformischiefarose.Thiswouldhappenbetweenthemaboutthirtytimesaday.Youmightswitch them two or three times, to no effect. She would become a whining tattletale, and he would become a sulking instead of bully. functioning You are as functioning a teacher of like righteousness. a referee who came expecting a fight and is there to keep it fair,

.

g

g

.

Try THE this RIGHT approach. APPROACH Calmly say, "What's going on here?" He responds, "Oh nothing we're just playing."

Daddy says, "Sister, are you having fun?" She says, "No, he won't let me blow up my balloon." Daddy says

to

the boy, "Are you having fun?" He looks abashed and says, "Well, we were just playing." Daddy asks,

"Brother,wassisterhavingfun?""No,Iguessnot.""Couldyoutellthatshewasn'thavingfun?""Well,I guess knewshewasn'thavingfun.""Wereyouhavingfunwhenyoursisterwassuffering?"Silence."Canyouhave so." "What do you mean, you guess so? Did you or did you not think she was having fun?" "Well, I

someone "If fun everyone by making bigger is not someone than having you else treated fun unhappy?" then you it is like not Silence. that?" fun." "I "Son, He wouldn't," looks you know at the he answers. floor. Hitler "Look and Then his at men I me. would had How say fun would my when famous you others like lines, it if were suffering. They laughed while boys and girls cried in pain. Do you want to grow up to be like Hitler?"

In

complete brokenness, he says, "No Daddy, I don't want to be like Hitler. I didn't mean to make her sad.

Sister, I am sorry." What great training! The brother and sister will go away bonded and sympathetic. The

sister forgives because she has seen his repentance and feels sorry for his grief. She is drawn to him. He will

be

more protective of her. They both have been restored.

 

Your reproof will only produce repentance if the boy sees a genuineness in you. If he detects in you any lack

of

the benevolence you advocate, he will not repent­­only become harder, more bitter.

 

If

he has taken offense at the way you have talked to Mother, he will not experience repentance until you

would love express to be his the in sister, same. order, then If then the it further boy becomes does reproof clear not show and he has reasoning. repentance a deeper, If after there more it is long is still clear term no he repentance problem. understands issuing the in issues, forgiveness a spanking and

 

Religious CHAPTER Whips 17

I

HATERS have cringed OF while GOD watching a proud parent use God for a rod of discipline. A child has been "bad," and

this "Mama the mother "discipline" might warns, not will see "You be it a but shouldn't God God hater does." do whose that, Talking God fear doesn't of about God negative, like will it." be Or, despising. counter­productive "God is Never, going I to say, training! get "NEVER you for The that." use product God Again, of to threaten off bitteragainstreligionforthisveryreason. religion or intimidate at the earliest your possible child into date. compliance." I have seen If Christian you constrain parents him whose through children divine become threats, he rebellious will throw and

same The principle time, they is one merge of conditioning in the subconscious. through When association. the consciousness When two things, calls up though one, unrelated, the other is occur attached at the to it.

A

distanttrainwhistleswhilefeelingisolatedandsorryforherself.Yearslaterwhenshewasfaraway,happily teenage girl on a remote Mississippi farm, lonely for companionship, would lie in her bed listening to the

marriedwithseverallovelychildren,andsheheardatrainwhistle,alonelymelancholyfeelingwouldcome

over her. It could totally change her mood, and she didn't know why.

 

About directors, When I 2 was AM, after a I young becoming got up teenager to "ease frustrated at myself summer and abroad then camp, irate, (Deut. there disciplined 23:13)" were several and them saw boys by them making who sitting were them there rowdy sit and with late read open at the night. Bibles Bible. The in nothing The their staff laps, of was wearing psychology, conditioning surly I expressions. distinctly these young was At grieved men that young to for hate what age, the Bible. I yet knew loving With was the going a burning Scripture to be resentment the myself, result and of in this their while "discipline." hearts, knowing every Three continue time or throughout four they hours looked of the this down rest could of at their its leave pages lives. an they aversion were for filing Scripture away together that, with the further open reinforcement, Bible and a bitter could spirit.

I

know a mother who makes her children look up Bible verses for punishment. The exercise itself could be

good the rod training­except and correction. when it occurs as a way of dealing with rebellion. The rebellion should be resolved by

never Don't GOOD use be MEMORIES a your time Devotional to "call someone ARE time WELCOMED as on a clearing the carpet." house No for one settling has good grievances. feelings The about family being worship called time to the should nearly of Principal's serious a half encounters. office. century The and One school still of feel Principal these apprehensive days did I am the going really going to serious into make the paddling an office effigy at when of a public a school I was school. in principal school. He and and I have I then had lived a tell couple him to bend over and grab his ankles. On setting the up other a still­life hand, when for us I to see draw. pastel I would chalk, I go remember back there old and Mrs. spend Johnson, hours, my if I art could. teacher, smiling and

What memories and associations are you filing away in your child's subconscious? Teach the Bible in your

home. Give them exercises of looking up verses on patience, love, faithfulness and so forth; but don't do it as

a

the response pressure to and their condemnation failure in some is off area. before If they giving should them have a study a weakness that involves which needs their weakness. instruction, If wait there until are

guiltfeelingspresent,thelessonwillonlybringfurthercondemnationandisolationthattherodcannot

absolve. When the instruction about God is separate from your discipline, they are free to make an approval, sense association of discernment as without well as feeling yours. is more Allow watched highly the and developed. Spirit graded. of God Don't Otherwise, to apply cause you truths them will to to end have your up a child's foreboding with children consciousness. of working God before The for adult's they God's

are mature enough to see everything in perspective.

CHAPTER Imitations 18

CHRISTIAN PARENTS' PARROTS outward Don't One way train displays to them dull your to of be devotion children's "as the often hypocrites sensitivity fall into are: to the for God Pharisee they is to love make syndrome. to pray them standing religious Don't train in showoffs. the them synagogues in Parents the skills and who of in pretense. value the the comers 6:5)." of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, they have their reward (Matt.

distracted had The never other day, by seen them I me invited before, to regard my much family me. less I had out knew interrupted to see what our I dog was their do saying. schedule a new I trick. became on promise I gave anxious the of command, a and trick, started and but he pushing acted he was as him too if he to perform. family disapproval, would He was he have started making thought to me shy I was look away so silly. from smart, "What me. and To right now get does I my look approval, he dumb. have Stupid to he do must this dog. make to Must me? me Me, be look inbred." of good all people. Sensing in public. My my After all, what is a dog good for, but to elevate his master?

I

Brother have had Mike." parents When bring he their has finished little child his in, performance, stand him in everyone front of me smiles and and say, praises "Say 'praise him. The the Lord' parents for grin as

if

they just heard the announcement that their dog had won the annual Frisbee catching contest. When little

encourage children children are to hypocrisy. appear cute in ahead their Never prayers of their give or peers them religious in a 'form religious imitations of godliness." devotion. they should You It is a and be cheap totally your trap children ignored. to fall are prey Otherwise rewarded to schooling you here your and now; (Matt. and 6:5)." that is all the reward such stage playing ever gets. "Verily I say unto you, they have their reward

audience exhibition One well to meaning by listen self­centered to father their singing. has children, two children Their it is gospel a who pain songs, sing to endure. fairly sung well. Their by another, Every singing chance would is so be cute. he a gets, blessing; As he they captivates but parade when back an sung to in their seats, he praises them, smiling like I would have been if my dog had only performed for me. One audience time became when the restless, two singing and the "parrots" father became forgot the anxious. words and His showed act was falling a little indifference apart. He coaxed to performing, and the encouraged going to suffer until from I saw being in him paraded, the same but feelings these children I had toward already my are. non­performing The father's ambition dog. Now for himself the dog and is not his

children discern the overrides difference. his concern Ruin comes for their easily spiritual in this well­being. Satanically controlled Or, maybe world. he doesn't have the wisdom to

Homeschool CHAPTER Makes 19 No Fools

homeschoolfamilieswouldnotfitintothatplannedsystem. year One THE judge 2000 SYSTEM when in Nebraska we will said all merge that the into public the new educational world order. system He is went preparing on to the say children that the children of America of Christian for the Never even consider sending your children to private Christian schools, much less the public automaton (although, classroomeverydayusingtheirbrainwhilereallifepassesthemby.Theworld'ssystemdigsapitandthen factory. Whether we would a classroom by far prefer is based the Christian). completely God on Christian didn't make education teenage or boys secular and is girls not to the sit issue together in a

creates a myriad of industries to reclaim the tragic lives that fall into it. Classroom education for the young is

a pit. The psychiatrists, counselors, social workers, Planned Parenthood, policemen, social manipulators,

juvenile for the business courts, drug generated dealers, by penal the shovels institutions, of the and National medical Educational doctors stand Association. on the edge of the pit competing One warning: There exists a fundamental fault that is telling in the discouragement experienced by many wholesomegrowthenvironment. attempting private curriculum home­school environment; to and families. perform its format yet for The most are the public in sake homeschoolers error. educational of public The homeschool image, are system attempting as is well is based not as to established state on do false that required premises. very to duplicate thing. testing, Therefore, The is the destructive stress public both on school the its to family a in a Ask yourself and answer the question, "If I did not have to answer to anyone, and I were not controlled by homeschool. disciplines public opinion, that what are necessary would I desire for professional for my children employment to learn need in their not early be taught years?" by Keep either in the mind classroom that specialty or the busy emotional John Parents, working Dewy you energy perspective. are to wearing teach to mother them. Children yourself them. out need Young trying a mother men to keep need who up a father teaches with the who them, Judges. teaches not Teach a them teacher from to work, who your doesn't not heart, a father have not from too the the The remove best a schooling child from for that children which is is a natural good home to life life, and not make a home of him that a professional is all school. student. It is a strange Such accepts perversion the to false life according premise that to God's academic perspective. and behavioral Your children education are is too the valuable foundation for you of life to compromise. and society. Order your own

oldest After homeschooling just finished her for first over year sixteen in college years, with we a have 4. average. seen the fruit of our "philosophy" of child rearing. Our

If you fear your children are too isolated from the world and need what the socialists call "socializing," then

duplicate and get yourself they will of the a never TV public and be sit nurtured school, them parking down on the in "milk lot, front backalley of of the Hollywood word morality. ." Hollywood about Put two your hours is children a far every more to day. the effective breast They of teacher will Hollywood soon than be a you will ever be, and they have an aggressive, appealing agenda.

If you want a child who will integrate into the New World Order and wait his turn in line for condoms, a

the son government forehead, or daughter funded then of follow God, abortion, you the popular will sexually have guidelines transmitted to do it God's in disease education, way. treatment, entertainment psychological and discipline, evaluation but and if you a mark want on a

I am forty­eight years old. My oldest son is seventeen, and my youngest is fifteen. There is always the

possibility married and that rearing I could children, be gone there by the is so time much they I have would children like to see of their them own. keep When in mind. I think So, about in summary, them getting I will

address a letter to my two sons.

CHAPTER Personal 20

LETTER TO MY SONS Gabriel and Nathan Pearl,

Daddy hostile I cannot to has imagine the a few family. the words kind If the of of Lord advice. world should tomorrow tarry long will bring, enough but for unless you to it marry is the Millennium and begin rearing it will be children, even more your First, know that the woman you marry will be the lifelong mother of your children. All that she is in the decision accumulation affecting of past the experiences future of your will children be present than as the the choice mother of your of your life's children. partner. There The relationship is not a more between major a no differences man better and his than only wife the in relationship has private, more but effect you they on have cannot the with children hide your the than wife­­their effects any from other mother. their factor. children. A couple Remember, may express your family their will be Be sure to cultivate your relationship with your wife. Meet her needs. Make her happy. Her state of mind is wife, experience. going the to be children 50% of will your love children's and cherish example, her also. 100% If you when are you a servant are not to there. her, the If you example will love will and translate cherish to their your

be When His you disciple. look Nothing for a wife, else and will mother keep for her your for the children, duration. the She first will qualification need to know is that how she to love pray. the A Lord girl who and of thislife. takes life Christ (1 Pet. for 3:7)." granted It takes will two, do the equally same yoked, with her to family. pull the A family man and wagon his wife safely are through "heirs together the hostile of deserts the grace of

altogether; The and discontent second but thing I before can't to look emphasize marriage for in a is too prospective NOT forcefully suddenly wife the value changed is cheerfulness. and afterward. practicality Now, Everyone of some this quality. might has trials ignore A girl and this who adversities. qualification is unhappy The woman happy, happy. cheerful A woman girl has who learned does not to find deal joy with from them a wellspring and still enjoys within life. will No not man find can it in make the difficulties a discontented and trials of marriage and motherhood. Courtship quality of the is a soil garden and in seed Spring­­everybody's and the care to guard looks against promising; pestilence, but marriage blight and is weeds a garden begins in August, to manifest when the itself. and mother. The fruit A girl of the who womb gets her can feelings be spoiled hurt before and cries germination. in order to Give manipulate prayerful you care will to be the a choice ball and of chain a wife after you are married. Cheerfulness shows up best when things are not exactly the way she likes them. The circumstances, not a next response quality to a to change one's took environment, for of environment is thankfulness. rather, and When an relationships expression a young is of girl not the is going unthankful heart. to Avoid make toward a her moody, thankful. her family unthankful, Thankfulness or her unhappy is girl. had been If she married is not full less of than the joy a month of living said before to Deb, marriage, "I have she never surely in my will life not been be afterwards. one to have A my young feelings lady hurt. who But, than since I once I did." got married, Deb told I seem her, "No to go you around don't with care more; a chip you on my just shoulder. feel that I you guess have it is more just rights, that I care and more therefore marriage. expect When more." the social The restraints thing to are remember lifted, the is that freedom personalities that comes and from temperaments a secure union do not permits improve one after to expresstruefeelings. Boys, rebellious will do take likewise to note him, of toward she a girl's will you. attitude be twice toward as rebellious her father. to you. It doesn't If she speaks matter disrespectfully what kind of louse of or he to may her father, be, if she she is

The next quality to look for is a creative hard worker. Don't marry a lazy, slothful girl. Looks can get mighty expects rear old lying a wife. to up be in waited bed framed on, let in her a disheveled, marry a waiter. griping, You slothful will have pout. a full Whatever job rearing you the do, children avoid a without lazy girl. having If she to

enters Never beenlikeif marriage marry a girl thinking who feels she could she is have not getting done better the best will man never in be the satisfied world when for wondering she gets you. what A it girl might who have

be to Avoid be loved spent the than girl waiting one who who on is enamored a is disappointed going to with spend woman her her own years who looks. trying is regretfully Better to maintain to marry looking her a homely fading in the mirror. beauty. girl who Life is content is too big to love and full and

"Help­meet." Avoid like the plague the girl who would pursue her own career outside the home. A wife must be your The suffering last qualification a deep hurt and is a love is walking for children. a road A to girl misery. who One doesn't day, want the Lord her life willing, encumbered you are with going children to have is

children of your own.

Now, children, AN OCCUPATIONAL I want do what to speak all of to God's you POSITION about creatures being THAT do­­prepare good WILL fathers. LEAVE the While nest for you YOU their are OUT still arrival. young OF DON'T POSITION and unmarried, PUT TO YOURSELF BE with A no IN GOOD FATHER. Plan your life's trade so as to maximize your role as father. Fathers who become

child's absorbed soul, in their what success profit is in it? business Some workaholics will make lousy will say fathers. they are If you doing gain it the for their whole children­­providing world and lose your their security, are not sacrifice fooled. a good and They education, even understand show etc. disdain Why the father's is and it that contempt absence the children for to their be of lack father's hard of working, interest. success? They absent The believe reason fathers his is never that career the appreciate to children be selfishlymotivated.Theyseethefathergettingmoresatisfactionfromhisjobthanfromtheirpresence. Whether eternal. The this education be true or your not, child the results will need are the cannot same. be Business purchased success at a university. always passes It is purchased away. The by children the father are

in

the many hours spent doing things with the children.

wrapped The concept up in of worldly "quality" pursuits. time as A opposed scheduled to "quantity" hour of clinical is a salve like attention for the conscience makes your of "quality modern time" parents nothing that Insincere more which than attention the is spent fulfillment in to real inconsequential of struggles a business to achieve appointment­­a matters common cheapens therapy goals. fellowship. A session. child No will It time can build spent be self­worth, unreal together and not can pretentious. by compare being the to center clothes father's of line, job attention and cutting being in the idle a grass, real chatter, helper. bringing but by in actually firewood, conquering washing windows, a real world building need­­putting a dog house, up a going mail box, on the a

year­old that Do you father­son remember son hanging relationship. when around Don Today, cleaning Madill his would up sons sawdust come are little to or work men, hammering secure in our cabinet a in nail? their There shop role. with was his no pretense little two­ or or haste three­ in

taking When With your you the infant first boys child, were and attending start only your a few to father days all his role old needs. immediately. I would When lay you you Relieve are on reading my your chest tired or to resting, wife sleep for out lay a the a couple restless child of on night. hours your I by lap. got to where break. I could sleep soundly with your little puddle on my chest. Your exhausted mother needed a little

to

When Treat last your through I was wife newly several as a married, delicate more child I flower expected births, and my she and wife will that have to in be good the a super energy spirits, woman. to she be was a I more soon going learned giving to need mother. that a lot if she of support. were going

I

am aware you boys don't need much sleep. However, if every two to three years you experienced a major

operation, having a twenty pound tumor removed, you would need more rest also. Allow your wife to sleep

a

little longer than you do, and she will be more efficient.

Though I spent a lot of time with the children when they were young, I always told your mother, "They are

adventures. yours until they Explore can follow and discover me outside, the world and then all over they again are mine." with each Take one. your I little would ones take along you rabbit on many hunting in

a

hunting.IthinkRebekahwasgladwhenGabrielcamealonganddisplacedherfromtherumbleseat. back­pack. My rabbit dogs got so conditioned that when they saw a back­pack they thought we were

sticks, Provide hammers lots of junk and for nails. your Avoid children store­bought to be creative­­cardboard playthings that can boxes, stifle creativity wooden by blocks, limiting sawdust, imagination. sand, An discipline everything. important problems A principle child can't you to will rebel remember have. against A is child his that best who the buddy. more adores time When his you father they spend will are doing want big enough to things above to together all look please at the pictures him fewer in in a

Bible book, stories. spend time Throughout turning pages the day, with as them. it is natural, When tell they them are old of our enough heavenly to understand, Father. Together, begin reading examine or telling nature

as

the wise creation of a magnificent God.

removed. without Don't put being off The spending fruit staked. will It time be spreads brought being without a forth daddy. on direction. Each the ground day The they where weeds grow it come will without rot. up inside you is where like a tomato they cannot plant be growing praise father and who reward is "there," the desired always behavior, involved there in the will child's be very life, will little know undesirable the heartbeat behavior. of his You children. will be If speaking you will fiftytimestheencouragingwordforeveryrebuke.

A

something But, don't fall positive. prey to It the is artificial, modern psychological and is flattery. substitute Positive statements of neglecting that a are child not and warranted then running by legitimate in saying works works substitute is are as for destructive. unjust real life as punishment presence. A child should If without your know child provocation. is that not he doing has It earned will anything teach every praiseworthy, a lie, praise. in that Praise it then reverses not take based reality. his hand on There deserving to walk is no beside have his you father until as he a does lant do must something have li ht worthy. to row Neglected health A children flash bulb become a roach rejected is not children. sufficient A child A slow must

p

g

g

y.

pp

.

steady shining of the father's presence is what is needed. Don't grow up ever thinking leave the religion spiritual is for training women. to the You mother, put the no children matter to how bed good in the a evening job she does, and read or the and children pray with will them. As thirteen, expose small the engine, boys them they get to should or concepts older, appliance be make pretty and repair. sure ideas; well All they through but, forms are above not of with building too all, school much provide and and confined maintenance real involved life to problems studies. in an are occupation essential By that the they time training. with must they you. solve­­bicycle, are Continue twelve or to

The make concept it, will you try new are seeking things and to convey expect to is succeed. one of independence The confidence and in confidence. work will translate A child who to success can do in it, fix it, education.

was his leavingallthethingsthatwerefamiliar,facingchallengesneverbeforeconsidered.Iwasapprehensiveabout Remember ability about to equal the succeed twenty­seven­year­old to a sixth­grader. in this new environment. Amish fellow, He had with none his of first the necessary car, going skills. off to His college educational in a far away ability city, to product When do, I I can tried of his do to hands this warn also." or him his It of head, was the difficulties hard he had on him, learned ahead, but to he he succeed. got said, a "B" "I have average always the been first semester. able to do Whether everything it was I tried the

building of If you the mind take a principle a will young come of child failure more and readily. into burden him. Don't him Teach with leave your studies your children boys to the at to point home work of with with making Mother their him hands and feel first, the inadequate, girls and in the a education you classroom are setting. They should be out with the men. Boys, automatically children, guide "Just your prepared wait wives until to in your be understanding mothers. daddy gets Some home, training mothers he and will don't discipline. spank have you." the Don't When courage take you for to granted walk discipline through that and they the will are door, tell the you will hours want of dreading the kids to Daddy's all come coming climbing home your can legs be devastating and pulling programming. on your arms, not Cause cowering your wife in a to corner. do her Three own discipline. Check disciplinarian should yourself be lost or in for as the a balance many cheerful hours by and asking of wonderful happy the question, communion. companion "Do my and children guide?" Your view me judgments as a stern and and punishments severe

andstartoverundermoredifficultcircumstances. that Lastly, you as can your provide children everything develop, they let them need feel or want. a part If of you the find struggles everything of life. is coming Don't become too easy, so give "successful" it all away Life money without to buy struggle more. Make has no sure achievement. you do not If have they lose available their shoes, all the let good them things go without to eat. Let until them they learn can make to be the content want etc.), it. then doing If eating don't without. let between them Keep eat meals except the prevents sugar at meal and them junk time. from food eating out of the the house. real food If they (meat, never potatoes, have it, vegetables, they will not salads,

dislikes, Now, without only eats there until just a limited are don't the some next let diet, meal. their flavors then preferences A feed or little textures him fasting mainly be that is too good we what limited. just training. he have doesn't If a child an If you like aversion doesn't get until a he child for. like likes Allow who what it. is is each particularly on the child table, one finicky let or him two and do

tricycle Forget real indulged. babies). about or bicycle Just buying don't for them the cultivate older toys. ones. their Some covetous Little functional girls inclinations can toys profit are desirable, from by teaching play like dishes them a metal and to expect baby truck dolls for to have the (which little their resemble boys, lusts or a

promoters. Never yield Their to the shoes, fads. Christians clothes and should cereal have should too be much chosen dignity for serviceability, to be carried along not style. by the Madison Avenue Hollywood is not for God's children. Don't allow the brainless, subversive Sesame Street type propaganda example, to and come VCR into not to keep your by sex house. the perverts kids Your company. and children's socialists. thinking If you should want to be destroy molded your by family the word then of get God yourself and Christian a good TV

The struggling, Christian and family achieving is a mother together and for father the glory with of children, God. all living, laughing, loving, working, playing,

eternity. You must Adam have begat a vision a son bigger in his than own the likeness. here and You now. will You beget are sons not preparing and daughters your in child your for image. time, but All for earthly

pursuits heavenly, should spiritual, be with eternal. an eye As to your heaven. child That bears which the image is first of is the earthly, earthly, carnal, he must temporal. bear the That image which of the is last is heavenly. God's disposal. son Born is our in expectation your image, and he hope. must be It is born­again a colossal into ambition, Christ's but image. we have To be the conformed resources to of the heaven image at of our

educational that Wisdom is set is before given resource, us upon 'for the request. as Holy much Spirit Love as you is our the know comforter, only that commandment, your the labor blood in of the self Christ Lord our our greatest is not only in enemy, hope. vain (1 Let the Cor. us Bible run 15:58)." our the race only

By CHAPTER Debi Pearl 21

LETTER FROM MOM TO THE GIRLS Rebekah, Shalom and Shoshanna, Life as well is full as that of choices. of your There children. are choices Preparing you you will to make make while wise you decisions are still young has been that our will goal. help fashion your life

God they shall said of keep Abraham, the way "For of the I know LORD, him, to that do justice he will and command judgment; his children that the LORD and his may household bring upon after him, Abraham and that to uprightly)." be which the father he hath of the spoken Jewish of nation. him (Gen. God 18:19)." knew Abraham Preachers would have "command often pondered his children why God (teach chose them Abraham to walk

God's When heritage? the time comes It is not for only you your to consider life he will marriage, touch, think but the about lives this. of your Can children this young and man your be children's trusted with in children. Abraham his father Abraham, sent as a to servant submit through to to his becoming his kindred example the to and sacrifice. choose teaching, a Again, wife caused for Isaac him. his had Abraham teenage confidence son knew Isaac in it his took to father's have a chosen such judgment confidence woman when for the chosen man to continue the lineage. Remember him, your bless children him, to will be and a grow "hidden serve and him woman." your as unto cup will Stand the be Lord. behind so full He your it will will thrive man overflow with before prayer, into God the encouragement in lives this of environment. others. and trust. As he Honor grows,

Whenyouarepeevedwithhimforsomesillyoffense,rememberyouarecuttingofftheprayerline.Don't door watch allow for hurt you. them feelings If you to do show to the fester same­­not disregard, and disease disapproval, only you. to their Be anger, cheerful, father, irritation but, thankful in a or greater and dishonor ready degree, to to your forgive. to you. husband, Your In Proverbs children it will open it will speaks the of (Prov. this very 14:1)." thing: "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands

before at Begin thirteen, training obeying only your is magnified developing children many early; a habit times don't that over. wait will "Even until bring there a grief child is as a is he problem. known gets older. by A his one­year­old What doings, that whether child baby is his who at two, work hesitates he be will pure, be and The whether adult will it be be what right the (Prov. child 20:11)." is. Don't expect your child to suddenly grow into a God fearing adult.

Don't The time let the spent cares being of the a husband family, the and church wife is and the the deep world root steal that nourishes the time needed the whole to maintain plant. Have holy a matrimony. sanctuary where OUR time, no child and is you allowed. had better There find is time something when being to occupy a good you mother elsewhere." means teaching the children that, "This is

All CONCLUSION that you have read BY DEBI is what PEARL we have put to practice in rearing our children. It is also what we have seen lost, have some trying been of the able desperately Amish to rear families to moral, gain do. obedient favor Some with of and God the respectful Amish through families their children. simple know You life the can style. Lord rear Nearly in happy, a sweet all obedient, of way. them, Yet, lost temperate, some or saved, are even techniques God­fearing and principles. children There that are has still to be lost that and living, undone breathing before God. life that There only is the more Holy to Spirit knowing of God God can than give. Children of same this as life. the brought If lost your Amish up end in is families. a yourselves home with They (which parents have always includes that are home­birthed, active all things in knowing clean home­schooled, and and wholesome), serving and a risen then eaten Savior your natural, end are is aware the wholesome the child rearing. foods. They They have have always for many cherished generations God's lived handiwork a simple in life, nature with and the worked father having to maintain a central it. But, role do in they know the Savior? Do not get caught up in pouring your life into a good cause­­even the rearing of a

large touched family. with Pour the knowledge your life into of forgiveness knowing and in serving the shed the blood Savior of and Jesus. seeking that every life you touch be

We an something means exciting are to called a real, heavenly side to something line. be soldiers Children end. eternal. in raised the army They up seeing of are the hardly living God aware in God. action, that Raising saving they up are souls young, home­schooled; and new changing recruits it lives, is of just our are an children seeing earthly is

missionaries' next When tribe. our They daughter children. are aware came Her back of reply the from startled lost a and missionary me. dying "The tribe trip missionaries' with to Central no one kids America, to go have unless a I vision asked they fill to her be the about the gap. one the They to reach spend the their want youth to be the preparing one who and breaks planning the language for that tribe. and They tells that know tribe what the they story want of God. to be They when grow they up grow with up. They purpose, the purpose that those who have never heard might hear." The children missionary do not grow family up does thinking not see they their are family the "end." as the Going "purpose." into all The the family world is preaching a blessing the along gospel the is way. the The purpose of a Christian's life. Many Amish, as well as many of us "back to the basics" folks, have stopped

with receiving the blessing and do not pass it on. It is a wonderful but selfish life. Children actively involved in

a

family that is serving God become servants of God.

(ByMichaelPearl) Conclusion

I

have had many parents look despondent and say, "I have waited too long. They are too old to train." It is

his true actions that the conditioned­­as older a child gets military the harder boot it camp is to demonstrates. mold them. Yet, But, no only human in a being controlled ever environment gets too old to where have contemplate the threat of force leaving, is real, the power­discipline can one that old be will brought lose its to effectiveness. bay. When a You child may gets not old be enough able to to recover seriously ten­year­old everything late. with is still a fourteen­year­old, quite moldable. The but earlier you can you see start such the improvement better, but as as long to make as they it seem live, it a is miracle. never too The

It

is likely one parent is going to read this book and revamp the training and discipline, while the other may

the pride be content husband manifesting to continues continue itself. to with Your play the the bitterness status threatening quo. at your Mother, game, husband you if you will and decide likely the division to develop stop giving that critical the the children feelings. children detect That "chances" will will be make while your matters criticalwifeandsomeunknownauthor. worse. Your husband's pride will cause him to be even more resistant, lest he be the disciple of his

consistent Mother, all and that thorough you need that to do you is gain make perfect your instant husband obedience envious. from First, your while children. your husband They will is away, learn be that so no demurely humbly obedience. obedience, matter how smile turn at After careless an as and appropriate you several walk Daddy hold away. days up is, time, the Mama of He this, switch in will his is he become the and presence, will "law say, ask, jealous. of "The "How quietly God rod Himself." do command and you reproof do When it; the they give children, you don't wisdom see obey him and (Prov. failing they me that will 29:15)." to way?" gain run to Then Just in you your are attitude not critical­­and toward the children only if you (no are more not anger, critical­­will no arguments, he want more to know loving) more will of get your his secret. attention. The change However, angry with if him, the he only will change think that he sees it is is just that a hormonal you are spanking imbalance the that children will hopefully more and run in its equal course. proportions are

If

Reading I instructing were simply back student over giving the doctors instruction text, it on seems heart for that laying surgery, I have out there a given flower will a lot garden, be of a lot negatives­­what it of could negatives. all be quite A not procedure to positive; do, and so but what invasive if a is surgeon wrong.

is

If

requires cautious, narrow limitations with needful warnings. That which is successfully accomplished every day developing stand can in end the human waiting in tragedy being, room if done in an anticipation eternal negligently. living of soul. Child the outcome. It rearing is not an is inconsequential an invasive procedure. procedure. You The invade whole the heavens soul of a

after reading this you feel frustrated and discouraged, don't attempt to implement the techniques taught endure. should read If this it again is all new and turn to you to and additional you have sources some of doubts, counsel. you will not make it through the trials. You

herein. This is not something that can be TRIED or applied a little at a time. It takes insight and confidence to

If

On to said, articulate, the then other by and hand, God's these if grace it concepts is as you if I will have are see in put results. your into heart, words and the you things are you totally have convinced known all of along the right but of never what been we able have

Let me close with the words of a four­year­old. A family who had been applying these truths for only a week teased was the man visiting by us running in our off front just yard. as he Preparing got within to reach. leave, The the father father called became their irritable new dog. and started The excited speaking dog