Chapter 11 ____ She dreamt of Aaron Biliensky and the angle his arm had been twisted and

broken at. She dreamt of her hands, wrapped around a pistol, her hands and face stained in blood, and she dropped the pistol. She was screaming a silent cry even though Aaron had found his way to her and was wrapping his arms protectively around her. She woke up, frightened and calling out for help, the way she had for a few weeks after that incident. She hadn't done this for some time- it horrified her that she was remembering what she should have left behind, a long time ago. But the dream left Cagalli quickly- she had trained herself to ignore any signs that suggested that she was affected by anything. And she swung her legs out of the bed and tread on the floor. The floor was bare of the rugs the previous room had. The ceiling had changed, the floor, the bed, the pillow. She tried to think of something, drew a blank, and gave up. She took a few cautious steps, testing her legs. Everything hurt, as if she'd been battered. Then a wave of fear coursed into her when she realised that she was recalling the pain of her former injuries. She had been battered then, hit with a chair until the chair had broken apart, slammed over her back. She had healed well- but the memory persisted at times. Here, on The Isle, she was remembering everything she wanted to shut out. Athrun was turning out to be exactly what she'd expected- a bad influence. When she was with him, everything she wanted to forget seemed to present itself again and again. Even an incident she had successfully put out of her mind for quite some time was haunting her again. Bitterly, she rubbed her eyes, trying to clear her mind from any thoughts. The door was unlocked, and she slipped out, flinching as a wind caught around her and blew. So they were on the sea now. Cagalli could recall the warmth of his body as she'd fallen asleep, but other than that, she remembered little else. The waves were bobbing merrily, and she half-expected a dozen other boats to be coming near, like it was a seamarket.

But other than the shining blue and grey surface, dappled in light and the sounds of circling gulls, there was nothing in sight. A few meters away, Athrun paused, his hand on the railing of the stairway. This was dj vu. About two months ago, when he'd stolen onto the SS Rafael, he'd watched her stand on the ship deck, just as she was doing now. The difference was the daylight that was flooding onto her. But just as she had been then, she was unaware that he was watching her. He stared at her, feeling something move in him. Her emotions were intense and almost extreme; she hated and loved so deeply that she was always in danger of being like an over wound clock. Perhaps, she had already influenced him in this way- he loved her so deeply that he wasn't sure if it was love or hatred. Cagalli's arms were akimbo, and she was exquisite, golden hair long now with months of going untrimmed. It was like a gleaming shawl, all over her shoulders and in the wind, like wings of molten fire. She stretched out her arms, as if to hold something of sunlight, and he thought for one dazed moment, that she was made of light. Disconcerted, but somehow overjoyed to feel the wind on her face, she pattered, barefoot, over to the yacht's side. She leaned over, tiptoeing to see into the murk depths of the water. Then she began to relax a little. "I'd be careful, if I were you." Cagalli turned to see Athrun moving up the cramped stairways that she had as well. He smiled a small smile that made something tighten and tingle in her, and she realised that she was colouring rapidly. She'd admitted that she had feelings for him. If he was going to use it against her now, she had only herself to blame. She disliked it when he flirted- she mistrusted men who flirted with her and she did not want to mistrust him. Moreover, she was helpless against him when he flirted, which made her feel resentful. If it had been another man, she would have taught him a lesson. She would have led him on and turned against him quite suddenly, making him swear off her for good. She did not believe that any man actually wanted her- if they seemed to, they were after something else- Orb, her inheritance, her power, but certainly not her.

But he was another matter. He knew her ways and he knew what she felt for him. It struck her that she was wearing his shirt, and with a blush, she realised that she must have been changed out of her slip. "Keep that on." He said mildly, reading her thoughts. "We couldn't carry out to sea in a slip, and the maids were busy packing some of your things. I thought it was best if you borrowed a shirt first. The maids changed you out of your shift." "You should have woken me so I could get changed." Cagalli said ruefully. "I couldn't bear to." He smiled, as if there was nothing particularly strange about anything in the world. And Cagalli wondered if Athrun was an anomaly where the Zala Lineage was concerned. He did not have the eyes of his ancestors, those flinty chips of stone- he had his mother's eyes. She stared at him, aware that he had the capacity for cruelty, just like those whose blood had supplied his. The question was whether he had the affinity for cruelty. Then suddenly, he said in a very different, flat tone altogether, "You put up a good show at Rochester's. Thank you." "Everyone at Rochester's place-," She said hesitantly. "Do you know them?" "Yes." Athrun said, with the smallest, infinitesimal pause. "But with that crowd, you'll never know yourself." She laughed suddenly and sincerely, relieved. She didn't know why she felt that way. Maybe it was that suggestion; that he might have known many people, but they had mattered very little to him. And Cagalli held out her hand, as she would a truce. He took it and shook it firmly, then before she could protest, drew her with the hand still in his, to him. Her hand was cold and small, but his was warm. They were inches apart, and she was afraid he could hear her breathing. He looked at her with the enigma she could never understand completely, those emerald eyes. "As I said earlier, you performed well. This is your due. But it's not wise to try escaping from the middle of an ocean. There's no land nearby and there are only two people on this yacht." Something in his voice chilled her. He could read her thoughts, she thought

furiously. She hated that about him. No wonder her thoughts were worth so little to him when he could simply read them off her. "I wasn't thinking about that." She lied immediately. "And I won't escape when you aren't looking." He smiled coolly, his eyes warning her not to. "The boiler room and the bridge are off-limits." And Athrun thought about the call he had made from the bridge, just before she had awoken. Explaining that he had brought her away for a while had been terribly troublesome. While he didn't inform all the Eyes, the Seventh Eye had reacted with enough agitation for all. Tom had nearly punctured Athrun's eardrums with his exclamation. But Athrun had insisted on it. Nothing Tom advised could change his mind. Ultimately, Athrun wanted to get away from The Isle for a bit, with her. Nobody could stop him. Besides, they were already far out at sea- there was no way of heading back to The Isle without his direct hand in it. Then he let go, and she stepped back, charged from the contact. The awkwardness and sensitivity to him increased, although he was the first to look away. "How is this thing operating while you're standing here?" Cagalli inquired. He looked at her in amusement. "Haven't you heard of auto-pilot modes? When the pilot or the captain and all the bridge members have to take toilet breaks, and if they all have to go at the same time for some reason-," "Right," Cagalli said hastily. His lip curled in a sneer, and she glared back at him. Her head was clearer than it had been, and her senses were assaulted by the slightly salty tinge in the air, but it was all very good. There was a strange, squeaking noise behind them. She turned back to the sea, instantly on alert, and saw porpoise tails. Forgetting everything, Cagalli squealed and waved to them, extending her hands. They squawked at her in funny, squelching noises, and danced their grey forms in the deep waters. Distracted, Cagalli was talking, babbling to the animals in her excitement and joy and being under an open sky once more. She looked like a

small child, clapping her hands and imitating the noises the porpoises were making. He looked at her, smiling. She felt something for him. Obviously, she would. She was lonely, frightened in this foreign place, desperate for a friendly face, for some kindness. Naturally, she would remember the Athrun Zala he had been in the past. That was why she felt something for him and experienced the confusion he had seen each time he acted as her captor. She had not reconciled the fact that he was not the same person she remembered. Of course, she felt something for him still. Despite what he'd said to her, he knew that it wasn't enough to have just that. It wasn't. Nothing was ever enough until he had her entirely and completely. That had been his motivation for wanting to be with her that night, to have her in his arms for a few hours at least, and to hold her like she belonged to only him. It wasn't the case that she wasn't good enough for him. In fact, she was far too good to deserve someone like him touching her. He had wanted to- that was a fact. He wanted to have her physically, let him love her, to feel her against him and remind him that he was still human and that he knew how to feel. But even then, even if he had done that, it wouldn't have been enough, because she didn't really love him. So he couldn't take her- because in the morning, he would wake with her and she would be cold and even more distant than before, and he would be completely destroyed this time. He had fallen in love with her all over again, even more deeply than he had in the past. But the same couldn't be said for her- especially not when he was her captor, not purely Athrun Zala. Cagalli was humming to herself. The shapes below her spun in the water, their long noses protruding, clearly unafraid of the woman-child. Animals were like that with their instincts. They knew who to fear and who not to. Humans didn't know- their instincts were not as honed. So it was safer not to trust at all. Despite the pain in him, he smiled, watching her enjoy the little happiness he could give her.

The hours flashed by quickly. Cagalli never even noticed them passing, let alone Athrun's absence, but she was too preoccupied exploring the yacht. It was a relatively small one when she compared to whatever she had been used to. But it was still spacious, with one long corridor with two staircases on either end that led to the deck. The passageway had five cabins, including a bathroom. Two connected rooms were locked- the bridge and boiler, she assumed. As he said, escaping was quite impossible. There was no way of her escaping with this ship, unless she jumped overboard and convinced the porpoises to ride her back to Orb. Naturally, Cagalli decided to watch and wait. But in the mean time, there was no reason why she couldn't enjoy herself- even if he was around. Or perhaps, because he was around. The thought of this made her blush, and she decided to think of other things. The deck was an expanse of space, divided by a few pillars. A pool beckoned to her, wide, rippling with some wind, deep and inviting. There was also a small boat at the side, a rescue boat, presumably. She moved to it, thinking very quickly, but to her disappointment, she found that it was locked. Glancing around, she decided to return to it later. She scarcely realised it, but a defense mechanism was present in her. Each time she was afraid or displaced, she carried on as if she had been used to her surroundings since the time of her existence. Even now, the lingering memories of the past clung to her, and she distanced herself from it by trying to immerse herself in the present. She found a simple bathing suit and a towel in her closet, and proceeded to the pool. Upon arrival, she stared at its length and depth. And something made a polite cough from the other side. "You!" She exclaimed. "Me." He said wryly. Athrun was reclining on a white pool lounge, reading. Perhaps he had been here all this time. Cagalli noticed that the top few buttons of his shirt were undone. Although there was nothing perceptibly different about his appearance, the recollection of his bare torso made her colour slightly. How fitting that he was reading War and Peace- perhaps he knew how

to wage a silent war against her and her better sense. "I suppose you're going to swim." He said languidly, casting an eye on her attire. "I am," Cagalli said snootily, "Because I'm not preoccupied with my plans for world domination, you and your Leo Tolstoy." The pool on the deck was gorgeous and azure. She sprang and slipped into it, splashing merrily and laughing, pretending that she was a sea creature as well. He did not like looking at her, how modest but beautifully fitting her bathing suit was. Every single curve she had was clear from the outline of the suit, and he tried to insist that he was immune to those. While the book was quite good, he had read it before. She was clearly more interesting to look at. But at least the book was less likely to make him ambush her in ways that would make even Dearka Elsman blush twelve different shades. He muttered, "Noisy tomboy." She splashed randomly to spite him and said tartly, "If you don't like what I'm doing, you might as well go below deck." It struck him that Cagalli was trying to annoy him out of the area, so he smiled irritatingly and said suggestively, "But I do like what you're doing." Apparently, Cagalli was not wellversed with innuendo. She looked puzzled, not quite catching his insinuations, not really understanding what he meant. But when he allowed his eyes to linger slowly on her neck, trailing down to her breasts and her hips, her mouth fell open. She blanched, turning pink. "Why are you staring at me like that?" She said weakly. She folded her arms over her chest. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't." He said lazily, flipping a page he was scarcely reading at all. Cagalli looked enraged. The tips of her ears were pink. "Let's see now. Because it's outrageous?" He merely laughed, enjoying her anger and embarrassment. "Surely, you know that men are either horny or gay?" "That's what Aaron said!" Cagalli said, amazed. Then she realised how ignorant she sounded and clapped a hand over her mouth in horror.

Athrun raised and eyebrow. "And why would he have to educate you on that? Didn't you already know?" She slapped the water with her palms, irritated that he was asking questions she couldn't answer. So what if she had ended up going to good ol' gay Aaron to ask about the male psyche for lack of people to ask? So what if she hadn't taken well to going out on dates and had been incredibly awkward when men had tried the usual hanky-panky? "Were you this brazen seven years ago?" Cagalli countered. Athrun considered this for a while, wondering why he had never tried flirting with her so openly in the past. He had wanted to, that was a given. But he had never been playful, teasing with her. He had been intent on treating her the right way, doing what he had never done with other girls. But somehow, he'd left out what a relationship needed to function in his blind desire to hold onto her. And perhaps, Athrun had never found a need to flirt with Cagalli in the pasthe'd assumed that he would always have time to get to know her better if he didn't already know her. The presumptuousness he had displayed! "I was preoccupied with being gentlemanly." He said after a pause. "I behaved like a saint-cum-monk, if I remember correctly." "You were a gentleman," She said stubbornly, trying to delude herself into thinking that she disliked this side of Athrun that she hadn't quite seen before. "Was I?" He said, his smile amused and his eyes an intense forest colour that made her tingle. "I wish I had taken you up on that offer when we were about eighteen and I was Alex Dino." "What?" Cagalli said warily. Athrun leaned back, looking at her with a feline, almost predatory quirk of his lips. "We were at one of those gala events, and you stole away to a gazebo in the garden when everyone was supposed to be in the hall." She shivered, trying not to notice the similarities in that incident and the night they'd shared at Rochester's Manor. Why was the past being repeated when she was trying so hard to forget it? "And if I remember, Cagalli," He said in a soft, almost silken voice, "You asked me to kiss you over and over again." "I didn't!" She denied vehemently.

"You did." Athrun said wryly. "Except that I refused to, telling you that a princess needed more restraint." Her words carried the frantic embarrassment in her. "Well, you did the right thing. And don't bring that up ever again, that incident. I was young and foolish and probably tipsy. But I'm not like that anymore. I'm glad you did the right thing." "Did I?" He mused. "I'd like to think that I've progressed since then." "How so?" Cagalli said, dry-mouthed, regretting her question the minute she'd asked it. His eyes lingered on hers and she found herself trembling as he looked at her. "If I want something," Athrun said quietly, "I won't do something as silly as to push it away, hoping that another chance will present itself for me to take it." He was looking at her very directly, and she bit her lips, feeling uncomfortable. "And what about you?" He inquired, smiling in a benign, insincere way. "Do you still imitate traffic lights whenever a man makes a pass at you? And are you still trigger happy where shins are concerned?" Her blood boiled. It was just like him to bring up an incident she wanted to bury for good and rub it in her face. Trust him to hit below the belt where her lack of luck with men was concerned. But two could play at that game. He was watching her lazily, triumphant with her lack of a comeback. He looked beautiful, almost dangerous like a cat, his fine features glinting in the sun as a gilded coin would. "But Athrun," She said in a suspiciously breathy voice. His eyebrows shot up as he watched her lower her eyelids until she was looking at him in a very strange, undeniably sultry manner. In fact, her next words almost caused him to fall off his chair. "I've learnt. I've learnt so much since then." He stared at her, feeling a stab of jealousy that she had probably moved on after they had ended their relationship. But this was hypocrisy, he knew. Athrun had tried to move onnothing should have prevented her from doing likewise. "Pray," Athrun said dryly, in a somehow suggestive manner he was

trying to embarrass her with. "Will you be so kind as to demonstrate what you have learnt?" "But Athrun," She said, making her lips moist with the thin, pink tip of her tongue. "You'd have to come closer-," She trailed off, making him swallow and lean forward, towards her. And Cagalli pulled herself out of the water, her legs automatically curving so that her thighs and knees met like the bend of a seven. She sat at the edge of the pool, her palms flat on the wet stone. He thought vaguely, that she looked like a mermaid, her golden hair all over her shoulders, her amber eyes watching him, her legs together behind her as she sat on them like a coiled tail. He was in danger of toppling off from his chair at this point. Her bare arms were white from the absence of the sun, and her chest was heaving slightly and voluptuously. He thought of the time he'd ended up trying to kill her when they'd first met, before she'd screamed. And when she had, he'd suddenly noticed that his arm was sandwiched between soft, rather generous breasts. Those had been camouflaged beneath a bulky, angular jacket, but the soldier was in fact, female. And very female, at that. He wondered how the hell they'd embarked on this conversation. Something was thumping in his chest like a rock being thrown about. It annoyed him. But he couldn't analyse that surge of irritation- he was too caught up with Cagalli. She sat very still, watching him with her golden eyes. Then suddenly, she gathered water in her palms and shot it at him. He rolled aside in time, but ended up with a wet arm. He scowled. "I came up for some sun. Not random spurts of water." Cagalli responded by splashing some more. He made a sound of discontentment and watched her dart back again into the large pool like a nymph fleeing from Apollo, wondering why she was so alive in the water. But having spent about three months in a single room, he could guess why. His gaze softened into a smile. She swam to the edge again, giggling, a curious seal pup, and placed the tips of her fingers on the ledge of the pool. He forced himself to sit back into his chair once more. And he took up the book and flipped a page violently, not

looking at her, trying to avoid her searching eyes and pink lips. There was a lull as she leaned against the pool's wall. It was better for them, he decided, to not speak to each other. Each time he heard her voice, he wanted to lose himself in it. But she thwarted his plans by speaking. Her voice was a murmur that thrilled him, even though he did not register it. "I wonder what Kira's doing now." Athrun tried to hide his surprise and fear. He looked at her carefully, wondering why she had asked. Was it that she could sense Kira even from where she was? Surely, Epstein had not spoken to her about the recent developments? "Working on his next groundbreaking theory, I suppose." He answered curtly. He would have to be very careful on what he chose to say next. "The Plants are very reliant on his projects." She caressed the water with an open palm, and distracted, he stared at the white hand waving its fingers through the ripples. He wondered what it would be like having her hand on his cheek, soft and feathery. "Yes, well, he gains acceptance very easily, despite what he thinks." Cagalli murmured. "People wind up loving him." He registered what she was saying, although he felt her emotions more strongly than anything else. Above all, Athrun wondered if she would ever say the same about him. Probably not. He felt something swell darkly in him and realised it was envy. "And you?" He asked numbly, trying to keep the misery from his voice. "I loved him the minute I saw him." Cagalli said decisively, so innocent that she didn't know that she was hurting him. "I loved him so deeply that I was surprised by my own reaction to him. But then when my father gave me that photograph, I understood why I felt as if he was another part of me." Her face was even more beautiful with the reflection of the water as darting lights from below her. Naturally, it was difficult to keep his concentration and defences when she was like that. Athrun was transfixed by her voice. There were always so many emotions within the tender contralto, quavering and present in a string of intensity. Now it held tender affection and even jealousy.

"I'm sure he loved you at first sight too." Athrun admitted. 'Even now, you're still part of him.' He thought morosely. "He and I don't get along as well as you might think," She said ruefully, her smile very sad and shy. "We rarely agree completely with each other." Athrun was puzzled by this. "You mean when you first met? He told me that he hit you once in his anger, even though he had given you the capsule pod in Carpentaria." A strange expression came over Cagalli's face. "Well, there was that. But even now, we don't talk very much." Athrun was disconcerted by this, although he didn't know why. He began to make excuses for what she didn't seem willing to discuss "The war changed him somewhat. It made him more withdrawn. That's all." "Of course." She said dully. "He's still my twin. Nothing will change that. Not even if we both change, not even if he doesn't recognise me anymore." There was anger in her that burned through her face and its impassivity. He saw hatred in her eyes, and a weariness that surprised him. He gazed at her. "What do you mean?" "Nothing." She said stubbornly, realising that she'd said too much. She kept her lips firmly pursed. But he understood that in her world of flashing bulbs, tireless cameramen and truthdistorting tabloids, secrecy was the highest form of respect she could pay. He paused and watched her as she began to dip into the water once more. There was a grace she displayed in the water that was quite different from her purposeful march while she was a land creature. In the water, she was weightless, wistful even. He could watch her forever, he thought. And she would always evade him, whether by her own will or a force beyond them. And he felt a tug of envy in his heart. Kira would always have a part of Cagalli because they were essentially joined by something greater than their physical forms. Even now- hadn't Kira said that he sensed that Cagalli was safe and alive still, in the most recent statement? It was very curious. Kira and Cagalli were separated by more than two thousand miles of ocean. And yet, she thought of him, and he could sense her. Athrun wondered if he would ever

have a bond with her like the one she shared with Kira. But nothing Athrun said would make Cagalli tell him more about Kira- there was a selfish, desperate way she clung to the secrets her twin had probably shared with her, the way she wanted to know everything about Kira and refused to share this with others. But he sensed that something of their relationship had changed. He watched as the golden fish of her form returned back to his side of the pool. Her eyes watched him warily as he watched her, and then she smiled bewilderedly but beguilingly, finding no threat about him, apparently. She began to close her eyes, basking in the gentle light. Slowly, Athrun reflected that he was idealising her, as all men tended to do with women they were utterly besotted by. Cagalli Yula Atha had the stamp of royalty and power mixed in her veins, giving her the strength of a man's will and the ways of one. She rejected a woman's ways of depending on a male for providence and abhorred the attention men showered on her. But in private, she was indecisive and was of no use to the politics she belonged in. That was hardly her own fault. It was her nature to love and hate so intensely that she was guided by emotion when she was without a country to account for. The princess was coolheaded and absolutely rational. But Cagalli had only a semblance of this if one could manage to find her isolated from her tasks. Magazines loved her face, the slightly haughty, lovely features that evoked thoughts of authority and even glamour beyond her age. And of course, the real woman was only growing into an image that had been cast for her since she was a child. From the way publicity had worked, Cagalli Yula Atha was something beyond the moral realm, flawless and without a shred of human failing. Given that she had shown plenty of it during her time as an Emir, it was doubtless that her parliament and publicity managers wanted to alienate her from the past. But the creature in front of him was not the Orb Princess here on this yacht. This creature was a woman.

He thought of the night they'd nearly shared, she leading him on in her drunken stupor, and wondered how many men had held amorous thoughts of her only to realised that she was disconnected from the reality of her own attractiveness. Athrun stared at the swell of her ripe breasts under her swimsuit- luscious and appealing, begging to be unpeeled, touched and squeezed like fruit. Surely she had realised her power over men? Even her soft, pink mouth held the curves of innuendo for every man who looked at her; surely she saw this in the mirror daily? But he derived the answer almost immediately- Cagalli hardly realised this or recognised it for that matter. 'That's the problem,' He thought amusedly. 'She's allowed them to say that she's immortal for her political power's sake, and she's allowed herself to think that she isn't human anymore.' Outside Orb, this woman was a klutz, a spitfire, a tomboy, and her body was brimming with golden promise and the flush of youth. He couldn't ignore that. He had once- but not anymore. Of all things, he couldn't ignore that. He studied her as she drifted slightly but continued anchoring herself to the side of the pool as she dozed slightly. Her skin had lost its paleness and had taken on a creamy peach colour. He felt his loins tighten but his head was throbbing and raging against something. With some bitterness, he realised that he understood her more as her captor on The Isle than he ever had in the past. She began to stir as the waves lapped against her. Then suddenly, Cagalli splashed water at him, laughing and diving into the waves. He cursed under his breath, noting that War and Peace was soaked to its spine because of her. But all the same, Athrun relented into a state of bemusement, pulling off his shirt for the sun and the world to admire the lean, fair torso that crashed and submerged into the water. Cagalli, however, squeaked and swam to the other end of the pool unprepared that he was joining her. He treaded to her, and she floundered in a circle, trying to avoid him even as he approached her. Then abruptly, he smiled at her. "What now?" "Nothing." She said shyly. Her arms betrayed her by crossing over her chest, forcing her to lean against the

wall. It was a very defensive position that foiled her words. He grinned, accurately guessing the source of her awkwardness. "Haven't you seen a half-naked male before? I was under the impression that you were a lot less sheltered. That night, after Rochester's soiree, you were begging me to-" She flushed with colour, interrupting him. "Let's not talk about that," Cagalli said hastily, "Don't bring that up again. I was drunk and all, so that's not counted." "Surely, you aren't embarrassed to see me like this?" There was definitely a flirtatious note in his voice. He moved a little closer to her in the water. Cagalli shot him an evil stare. "Look, Mister, don't goad me when you can't." "And why can't I?" Athrun said in the same infuriating voice. "Because I've seen half-naked males before," She barked at him, a bit like a colonel. "Even naked ones. And there's nothing to it at all." She blushed at her lie. Oh well. She had seen a biology textbook's diagrams, surely that trauma had counted for something. Besides, she had read plenty on that kind of thing, thanks to Aaron's Congress of chick-lit. Surely, that counted for something? He raised an eyebrow, and said slowly, "Really now?" Cagalli created ripples with her hands, deciding to lie through the lie and imitating his smirk for lack of a better option. "Er- yes." "Liar," He said lazily, leaning against the pool's wall. "You were so embarrassed when I took off my shirt that you almost ran out of the pool. Being sober sucks, doesn't it? You were far less embarrassed when you were drunk and clinging to me. You couldn't wait to get me out of my shirt the other night." His voice was a tuning fork in the air, so fine and so imperceptible. She actually had to lean closer to make out the words, but when she understood, she reacted vehemently against him. "Oh stop harping on that!" She exclaimed, mortified at his accuracy. "That was just a mistake I'm glad we didn't commit!" "Yes." He said simply, "I want you sober." Before she could say anything, he cornered and kissed her, wrapping his bare arms about hers. He didn't simply

kiss her; he tilted her head back for his mouth to gain complete excess to hers. She couldn't help thinking that as teenagers, they had been shy and hesitant, blushing, afraid to be found, kissing on a sort of mutual dare. But this was different and more addictive, with more danger in it than anything she could think of. She moaned back into his kiss, enjoying the sensation of the water lapping about them, and the cool smoothness of his skin on hers in the water. Her hands found his shoulders and she clung onto him, gasping silently in shock and lust when his hand fondled a breast wantonly. His name on her lips was swallowed by their kiss, and she found herself blushing but not struggling even though she had every reason to slap him senseless. She was both shocked and pleased by his brazenness with her- as if he were challenging her to something. When he released her for air, she mouthed numbly, "Are you fooling around with me?" He smirked devastatingly and kissed her roughly, stealing her air again. "What do you think?" He was surprising her, he certainly was. Straight-laced, gentlemanly, filthylanguage-shy Athrun Zala was definitely a different animal with her. Wasn't he supposed to be a nice, wellbred, German Shepard sort, strong but always well-behaved and sitting upright, paws together? When had she ever seen him smirk so openly? She blushed, trying to ignore the fact that she had enjoyed his attentions. "You're an awfully bad liar," He said abruptly, breaking their contact. "I'm not a liar," She muttered, "I've had boyfriends other than you I enjoyed being with- sorry to prick your ego-," His eyes regarded her sceptically, as if reminding her of the way she'd responded to him. Angrily, she pushed away, slipping out of the corner they'd been trapped in, accidentally brushing her body against his and recoiling from the giddying sensation. "And just for your information, I'm not interested in you, even if you're a bloody good kisser." "Thanks," He said calmly. "Now why not?"

Shocked at her own slip of tongue, she stared at him. "Are you implying that you're interested in me?" "Well, what does it look like?" Athrun said exasperatedly. He ran a hand through his hair impatiently. "Does it look like I'm coming near you because I want to discuss politics and world peace?" She gaped at him, trying to tell herself that he was just trying to flatter her, that he was untrustworthy, and that her heart had not skipped a beat. "Why'd you be interested in me? Other than being occasionally horny and desperate or something?" His expression was both humorous and cynical. "Perhaps I should correct your misconception- you may have been drunk and senseless that night, but I certainly wasn't." "Excuse me," She fired back. "It's not my fault that I've got to respond somehow when you ambush me. If anything, it's your fault- you keep trying to get too cosy and I don't know what to do-," He shrugged. "I can't help it." "Damn it, you must!" Cagalli said in her desperation. She heard Athrun laugh his cool, scoffing chuckle. "Are you so embarrassed?" "I supposed you'd be if someone bloody groped you," She muttered grudgingly. His eyes trailed to her chest and she glared at him, although she felt a thrill settle between her thighs. "I couldn't help it." He said in that charmingly offhand, slightly aggravating way. And she was irritated that he had made her feel irritated and that she'd become irritated, just as he had planned. Oh the little bastard "Don't do this." She said in a low voice. She could not bear watching him try to come close to her, like the other men she was obliged to kick away at some point of their attempted conquest. Deep inside, she knew that she could not bear to be close to him, because she did not know how to deal with him. "You liked it." He said curtly. "You wanted me." "I did not like it!" She cried in mortification. "And I do not- wantwant," "You liked it," He said seriously, but his mouth twitching now. "I heard you respond to me, because you wanted me."

"Stop!" She said loudly, desperately, blushing, cupping her ears childishly like she had never read adult novels before, like she was a school girl, like she had never met a man before. Wasn't she well-versed with all this? Hadn't she read all the books there were to read about dealing with these things? Then why was she acting like a school girl? But then, hadn't she always reacted this way as a school girl? Embarrassed at risqu jokes, afraid to be caught listening to sensational stories? Dear Haumea- to be caught like this, looking ignorant and hopeless, by him no less"Well, you liked it," Athrun said calmly, and making her tingle with anger and awkwardness. "There's no point being a child over this. Do you hear me, Cagalli? We're going to have to deal with this the way we never faced it in the past." He looked at her, his emerald eyes stormy, his face serious. "Don't turn away. Open your eyes and see it for yourself. We can't help being attracted to each other." She began to sputter. "No, I'm not!" She said incoherently. "I don't know what you mean! Don't bring me together in the broad category of your harem. I don't know what happened between you and Meyrin, but I've got nothing to do with you and it's just you and your bloody ego-," What harem was she babbling about? He knew women liked to be near him, and he had no aversion to that when push came to shove. Besides, he didn't want to be alone night after night. After all, Athrun had learnt how to make use of their affections a long time ago. But Cagalli was different. He didn't want to use her. He had never wanted to use anyone, although he had ended up doing just that. So all the more, he would avoid using her. "No," He said easily. "Leave that girl's name out of this." "She was a lovely person," Cagalli said accusingly, "And you were unfaithful to her." He didn't bother reminding Cagalli that he had politely ignored Meyrin throughout the war's aftermath. He had only thought of one thing- finding his way back to Orb. It was poetic injustice that Cagalli was using this as an example of him being like any other fickle man that she had probably met after him. "Did you think that I loved Meyrin Hawke?" He said apathetically. "Did

you think that asking her to be with me would empty of all thoughts of you?" He was surveying her, wondering if he dared to act upon his desire, seize and touch her as he had wanted to for so long. "Please," She begged painfully. "For our sake, Athrun, stop this fooling around. I won't be able to handle it if you keep trying to waylay me. It's pretty clear that we had a history, but for our sake, I want to forget it." "Wasn't seven years enough for you to forget?" He said ironically. "Nearly," She said angrily. "But you had to appear and ruin it all. You're always like that. Appearing at the worst possible moments and then sailing off like nothing's happened." "Well then," Athrun said softly, with a kind of triumph that made her recoil, "That's proved it. You never forgot. The past didn't go anywhere." He took her wrists gently, without any resistance, and he kissed them. She watched, trembling as he looked at her with a joy and sadness that made her ache for him. But somehow, she knew that it wasn't right to go on like this. Somehow, she mustered the strength to yank her wrists from him. She found the will to pull her out of the pool, to put a distance between them that allowed them both a safety net. Something was smarting in her, and without knowing why or where the words came from, she snapped, "I doubt that what I'm about to say will make any impact on your life. But when you disappeared, I couldn't sleep without waking up once every hour, for months." She strode away. He remained silent after she was gone, staring into space for some time. Then he thought about the exchange. And Athrun began to laugh helplessly. Slowly, surely, she would accept what they meant to each other once more. What he had just seen convinced him that she had felt resentment at his disappearance. And it assured him that he was making progress with her. He realised then, that his own anger towards her betrayals had resulted in him loving her even more. They would never learn. They could never learn.

The next day, Athrun took her fishing in a small dory, the same rescue boat she had noticed. But first, he unlocked it from the yacht's side. He seemed to have forgotten about the exchange they had made in the pool. Or perhaps, he was simply keeping quiet about it. Either was good enough, Cagalli decided. She wanted to avoid conversations of that nature, at all costs. Cagalli watched as he slipped the key into his pocket. "Don't bother." He said warningly. "There's a combination you don't know of." "I wasn't thinking of anything like that." She lied. They got into the motor boat, and it was automatically lowered into the sea. They sped off into the distance, though the yacht was still visible. The porpoises followed them, quite enamoured with the human friend they had become quite acquainted with. And delightedly, she stroked their slippery backs, laughing. Athrun was less receptive towards them. He stood, watching her with a slightly droll look on his face. "Oh, don't be such a spoilsport," Cagalli said brightly. "They're beautiful and it's fabulous weather. "But we won't have any fish." He said wryly. "Of course, no fishes would go near a boat with porpoises circling it." "Yes, well," Cagalli paused. "We don't really need fish, do we?" "No," He retorted while smiling insincerely, "We brought the boat a few metres from the yacht just to watch fishes swim away from us." She snorted, hitting him lightly on the arm. "All that's missing is the beer." "Only because you didn't look carefully for it," He scoffed, pointing at a box. Blissfully, she opened it and threw him a chilled cylinder, and she took a swallow of it and sighed in contentment. Cagalli, Princess of Orb, may have been any beer-bellied, ruraldweller enjoying a free day if one judged only the sound of her sigh. "Alcoholic," He sniffed. "Wussy." She retorted. "Tomboy." "I resent that!" "I know." "Shut up."

"Is that the best you can do, Tomboy?" "I said shut it-, argh!" "What?" Athrun said sardonically, "Frustrated at your astounding eloquence?" "No," Cagalli said excitedly. "I've got something on the pull!" "The bait the porpoise is trying to get at?" He said merrily, taking another swig of his beverage. "No, you twerp," She said impatiently. "Come help me with this- it must be a huge fish!" "A greedy porpoise?" "Porpoises are mammals," She said archly, and then her expression turned comical as she began to heave, throwing her beer to one side where it spilled on his arm. "Hey!" "Sorry," She muttered, wrangling and trying to reel in the said fish. Athrun noticed that she was not sounding sorry at all," But it would be easier if you did this instead. I don't have your brute strength." "Fine," He grumbled. "But if you pull up a boot, I will not let you forget it." He crossed over to the bench on the other side of the small dory, and he sat behind her, straddling the bench as she did. Wordlessly, he grabbed the rod from behind her, expecting her to let go and leave him to exhibit the aforementioned brute strength. But she clung on stubbornly, and surprised he asked, "Aren't you going to let go?" "Don't be silly," She scoffed. "If I can't do it alone, what makes you think you can without me?" His mouth twitched. "So I'm just the supplementary part?" "Yep," She said, leaning back and unconsciously electrifying him with her soft hair that tickled his neck. "Just like when the Strike needs more electricity, there's this carrier that plugs it up. You're like that- not very necessary, but rather when the Strike's almost out of power." He could scarcely think of a comeback at that point. She was thrashing to conquer the fish, even though she was quite strong, and the net result was her body pressed and moving against his. But Athrun couldn't help noticing that she smelt of honey and wild tangerine and her arched neck was shining with sweat. She was wearing a very loose

singlet and shorts, and her arms and legs were exposed to the wind and his body. As she struggled wildly to wind in the end of her fishing rod, her body whipped in his arms, and no matter how he tried, he could not avoid touching her. Her slender but strong arms were rubbing against his, her back writhing against his chest, her firm rear moving vigorously against his stiff thighs. He leaned forward unconsciously, somehow wanting to feel her closer to him. From where he sat, he could peer down, past her shoulder and collarbone, past the loose neckline. Her singlet was unfitted, and from this angle, it revealed a little of her tender breasts trembling beneath the cloth. Athrun could have sworn that his cheeks were heating up, although he hadn't blushed for a very long time. He didn't know why he was getting affected by her- perhaps, he'd never seen her as a woman, more of an idol. Now, he understood why he even fell in love with her. He'd fallen in love with her for her flaws and her fallibility, and how beautiful she was despite or because of it. "Stop for a bit-" She panted. "On the count of three, we'll both pull." He suspected that she was having a secret laugh at how affected he was by her. She shifted, as if confirming his thoughts, and her rear rubbed closer to his thighs and the uncomfortable sensation that was threatening to become even more painful. Why the little minxWell, two could play at that. "I'll do it when you ask me to," He said softly, speaking near the delicate shell of her ear. He tightened his hands on hers. His forearms were weighing down on hers, and he twined them around brazenly. It was rather simple reasoning- to ensure that she did not seduce him, he would have to first seduce her. And this was a task he contemplated as being rather enjoyable. He murmured her name very softly. She froze. And he saw that she had sensed something different in his voice's current. She then turned her head slightly towards him, trying to get her ear away from his lips, and they realised how rough his voice had become in its huskiness.

He took advantage of her momentary paralysis to run his lips over the fine, peach skin of ear lobe, biting. She gasped, and he tightened his thighs firmly around her. "Aren't we going to get started?" He said huskily. He could play at her game too, better than she ever would. Distracted, she said weakly, "What? Oh. Ah. Right. One, two,-" And in her haste, she pulled before she'd counted to three. Instead of a synchronised effort, she buckled against him, knocking the wind out of him. He collapsed with a curse, lying flat on his back on the boat, her weight crushing him with the impetus that had sent them both flying. A silver crescent flopped on the boat, and cheering, she disentangled herself, grabbed a pail and capped it over the dancing sliver. He sat up, massaging his temples. "So?" She grinned at him, also sitting in a rather awkward position. "A whopper." He grinned reluctantly, realising that she was too innocent to play these games with him. Oh well. He had enjoyed imagining that she wasn't wellbehaved enough to abstain from teasing him. "Let me," Athrun said eagerly, and they crouched by the pail in the cramped boat like children squatting around their games. Then they lifted it slowly, gingerly, and caught sight of the trout, its wide, staring eyes and its thick lips. "Good god!" He exclaimed. The mood had changed quite suddenly. They were no longer on that dangerous edge- they had forgotten how potent the magnetism of their bodies were towards each other. Athrun was not sure if he was happy that Cagalli seemed to forget it fairly quickly. But he went along with it, because it wouldn't do to get too caught up in the game either. "I told you it was a whopper!" Cagalli said happily. "We'll have a terrific dinner!" He turned slightly pale. "It's got a face!" He said in a strange voice.

His tone of revulsion made her eyes light up. She was the devil incarnate, this woman. She looked at him coyly. "So you don't want to eat it after all that work?" Cagalli said mischievously. "It's got a bloody face!" "You're such a wussy!" She laughed. "You're such a bloody carnivore!" She began to giggle and bared her teeth in a very canine manner. "And why aren't you a vegetarian if you're so scared of a little meat?" "Excuse me," Athrun said with great dignity. "I like my meat without a face." "We'll have fish head curry then," Cagalli said impishly, "So you'll see the floating head and its face, and you won't eat it. I'll have your portion and eat it in front if you. And I'll tell you what you're missing out on." "You'll regret it." She threw back her head, laughing at his dark expression. But he tackled her, and the boat threatened to overturn. "Hey!' Cagalli cried, "Don't! It's dangerous!" "What's without a little risk?" He said directly, looking at her. She blushed. "I know what you're playing at. Stop it." She was suddenly and keenly acute of their bodies. Her senses seemed to have become an animal's, sniffing out the heady air and his aftershave. There was her shampoo's scent, the saltiness of their flesh and the texture of his skin moving across hers. He stared at her, and wordlessly, he brushed her fringe out of her eyes. Athrun looked at her intently, although he knew that she was experiencing the same heat that he had moments ago. He could see it in the way her lips and cheeks were pink and the strange light in her eyes, despite her confusion. "What's wrong?" He asked lightly. "Didn't you say that you know what I'm playing at?" Suddenly, he decided that he'd had enough of going along with what she wanted. It was time they came clean with each other. If he was going to pursue it, he would do it without hesitation. If she was going to lead him on, she was going to have to be open about it. Of course, he didn't expect her to do what she did next. She was so unpredictable, his Cagalli.

"I do." She said directly, ridding her face of any expression except a distinctive come-hither one, "And I assure you, Athrun, I know what I'm doing too. I'm going to enjoy myself tonight." She gazed at him with an expression that could only be described as sultry, and he felt the air compress around him. Then she said very bluntly, ruining the sugary, tempting atmosphere, "Dinner will be fish head curry." He blanched.

She brightened, clapping her hands at their little show. There was something necessary about her, something magnetic in the way he looked to her and found her shining form a necessity in any landscape that he was in. "Look," She called to him, "Athrun!" He loved her more than anything he could hold onto as a human. And ironically, she was beyond him, whether in her own mind, the reality of their social positions, or the chaos of their pasts. Hesitating, Athrun stepped closer. She let go of the boat's wall she had held, whirling around to him, and her voice was musical in the still air where encircling birds dove around their boat. "Athrun," She said excitedly, "Look, look they did that leap-," He took her hand in his, ignoring everything else. Surprised, she stared at him, but he did not show embarrassment, only gazed at her intently. Cagalli blushed and lowered her head, and the pink and orange streaks around them cumulated into dark shadows near their feet. The gulls were flapping rowdily and their snowy wings disguised their nature as scavengers. He held her hand in his and said gently, "Come with me." "Where?" Cagalli asked wildly.

"It isn't right." She said staunchly. "If I go with you, we'd be building a relationship that doesn't exist on anything." "And what if I tell you everything that you want to know?" He said sharply. "Will you trust me then?" She paused, looking at him. "What do you mean?" She said slowly, her face white. "Tell me everything? For me to trust you? What do you mean?" He nodded, not daring to believe that he was sacrificing so much for a single chance for him to regain what he'd lost a long time ago. But he needed to. How else would she agree to let him love her? "You mustn't." Cagalli said resolutely. "We must remain as a captor and captive. Nothing more." "Why?" He argued. "Isn't it obvious that I have feelings only for you and-," "Don't," She interrupted wearily. "Don't say anymore, please. Let's just continue on- let me cook dinner for you tonight, and we'll have a truce. And when you bring me back to The Isle, things will be normal again with everyone around us and you as Rune Estragon, and I as a captive." He was silent. "The months will pass and I'll be back in Orb, safe as you promised, and this episode will be behind us." Cagalli concluded. He looked at her pale, unflinching eyes, no longer the colour of amber flowers but like faded sepia. And knew that he could not say otherwise. Wordlessly, he guided her to the kitchen, where she slipped on an apron they found somewhere, and she began to cook. He asked to help, and she allocated carrots and potatoes for him to cut while she gutted a fish and soaked mushrooms to make a creamy sauce. He was surprised to see that she had become very competent, even natural in the apron that she wore. It appeared that Cagalli had become something of a domestic goddess, despite the unbelievable nature of it all. "You can cook," He said in surprise, when she placed fragrant, steaming plates on the small wooden table, a small corner that looked like an afterthought to the place. They had been working together for their meals for these few days, and it had been mostly him doing the cooking.

A few hours later, Athrun came and stood by her while she reeled in strands of seaweed and little else. When they had returned to the yacht, she had subsided into a sullen silence, and he had left it at that. Cagalli was not very tall, barely reaching his lip level when she was barefooted and warm from the dying sun's last efforts. Moreover, she was bent over the yacht, trying to reel in random bits of junk. He glanced at the line of white and grey shells that she'd drawn in and lain in neat squadrons. Such a scavenger, she was. The sounds of the porpoises were like squabbling children, flashing around the boat, grey and silver in the growing orange evening. "Cagalli," He said in a low voice, "It's getting dark." She looked at him shyly, her eyes wide and wary, and he saw that her shoulders had stiffened. "Hello." But she had came here again, creeping out like a little shadow, keen to avoid being seen. Of course, he had run into her. "I don't think you'll get much by fishing from here." He said. She sighed once, slumping a little. "I guess so. These porpoises have been hanging around ever since I saw them." "You encourage them," Athrun admitted. "I suppose they like humans." As if to prove his point, a porpoise leapt out of the water, trying to catch a fish that had flipped its way out of the water, and the rest of the pod did too. They made funny, squawking noises, and he laughed.

"Come below the deck." Athrun said quietly. "We deserve this." "What do you want from me?" She said in a ragged little voice. She looked at him with wide eyes now, frightened, like a cornered animal that was too paralysed to flee. "Come with me." Athrun said again, looking directly at her. "It's time." "No," She said softly, pleading, "Please. I can't. We can't- this fooling around. We're physically attracted to each other but there's nothing we can do about it, or that we ought to do about it except ignore everything." He stared at her with the growing, familiar pain. "Why can't you accept me if you have feelings for me?" She wrenched her hand out of his, as if he had suddenly burnt her. How could she tell him that she wasn't worthy of his love?

She looked bemused. "Is that an insult?" "No," He swallowed, looking unsure, "I mean-," Aaron had taught her how to cook, actually. He loved to sail over to her house after work with his niece. She had been resistant to the idea of her friend teaching her how to cook, since he did enough helping her at work. But he insisted, and eventually, she had relented for the sake of having company that she enjoyed thoroughly. He was a fantastic cook, and it had made Cagalli wonder how many women had been disappointed at his sexual orientation. During so many evenings, she laboured over meals that ended up being served only for her. But at least, it took up some of the hours when she did not have any work to do. She said smilingly at Athrun, ignoring the twinge of loneliness, "Being alone in a big house makes you competent at these things." He looked at her. "Alone?" She made a sound that indicated the inability to say what she really thought. "I suppose one person doesn't require twenty servants. And when Kisaka and Mana retired, I had the whole house to myself. It's a lot more quiet now, it's less - complicated. Oh, but there's a weekly house help who pops in for a cup of tea when I'm around, sometimes. I mean, I'm not exactly alone- I've got friends visiting sometimes and- he comes to cook with me at times, and we talk for hours about everything-," She broke the gaze and began to eat, and he did likewise. It was domestic bliss and emotional hell. He had to fight back the urge to ask her about the man she had mentioned without naming. Instead, he ate tensely. Throughout dinner, she spoke of lighthearted things that had no bearing on either of them, and he could sense her nervousness. When they washed up, he was silent and sullen, and Cagalli was half relieved when it was finally over. "I'm going to uh-,"She waved her hand airily, trying to find a word or something to do. "Shower." "Alright." He said calmly, taking the last plate from her and beginning to wipe it with his efficient, but smooth strokes.

She said uncomfortably, "Is it fine if I er- go now?" He nodded without looking at her, still wiping at the dishes. And so she stole off, muttering something non-committal to Athrun. Cagalli fetched her towel, stumbling a little as the floor bobbed. The salt air was even cleaner in the night, and she breathed in deeply, feeling something deep in the pit of her stomach. Out here in the open sea, she felt charged with a vitality she had not felt for so long. The end of the corridor had a rather pretty bathroom, decorated with plants and mosaic tiles in the patterns of lush fruits and flowers. She gazed around as she soaked in a soapy, scented tub, wondering where he had gotten this incredible yacht. It was small and not too impressive where bulk was concerned. But every corner was put to good use, and he'd had it furnished beautifully. Once she'd finished brushing her teeth, setting the mug down with a little clink that made her chuckle, she undressed and slipped into the warm water she'd drawn. The patterns around her became a blur of happy, contented colours, and she found herself humming, blowing her wet fringe from her eyes and bundling up suspiciously long hair and gazing at the golden ends. Tropical plants actually lined the sides of the bath, and she gazed at them appreciatively, enjoying the luxuriant foliage, a very quaint but lovely touch to a bathroom on a yacht. She thought of how she would find a way to survive these three months, and go back to Orb, half dreaming, half forgetting the rest of the dream. The scent of salt and the porpoises and the azure sea would soon melt away, the orange skies and his green eyes boring into hersAnd in the haze of the colours and rose-tinted scents, she leaned back. Her fingertips and toes were like nutmeg, the only wrinkled tips of the warm, fragrantly milky flesh. She would forget him eventually, if she could return fast enough before anything irreversible happened. If she could run from the people who could affect her life significantly, they would not be able to enter the walls she had built around herself. He was one such person. If she could get away fast enough, he would not be a threat to all that she had built for herself. She had done it for nearly all her lifeshe could continue doing it for as long as she lived.

She closed her eyes. Chapter 12

The figures, Patrick Zala used to claim, told stories. Perhaps it had been to hone his threeyear old son's clear talent for numbers and patterns. Perhaps it had been an initial and one of the few attempts to connect with his child. Perhaps Patrick Zala truly believed that all things, even lives, could be valued with numbers. Whatever the case, Athrun now thought that Patrick Zala would have been a visionary if he had lived on The Isle. For Athrun could see those stories now. The reports before him belied massive sums. Those massive numbers told of massive production lines and massive profits that were driving everything else forward. They were all cogs they functioned together. The new director of the recentlyacquired Mithall Steel was a petite, sophisticated woman with a slight Japanese accent. She had also become the head investor through a rather questionable process that nobody had dared to question. In essence, she owned Mithall Steel now. Of course, she reported to Rune Estragon, so technically, he owned the steel empire now. There was an arrangement between them. Rune Estragon did not appear personally to oversee his business at all. Instead, the heir of the infamous Kitani legacy would work for him despite her status as one of the most powerful people in the world and even the underworld. But nothing was without a price, especially not here. In return for the risks she was taking for Rune Estragon, her child would be safe on The Isle, under his tutelage and protection. Just two weeks ago, Kitani Harumi had announced an increase in steel production. The figures he looked at now were proof of this. Of course, the thousands of business partners of the steel empire had no problems with this. After all, most of them benefited from the massive production, and those who did not were not brave enough to speak up against Kitani Harumi. Kitani Harumi certainly wasn't the average business woman either. She was cold-blooded beyond understanding, brutal and unpredictable. She was undoubtedly

useful each time Athrun's patience was tested, and he trusted her to crush the people who resisted. There had been quite a few over the years, but she had never failed him. Or rather, she could not fail him when her son's safety was at stake. The newest empire that they had acquired together was the Marubeni Oil Corporation. The whole plan was actually very brilliant in its simplicity- only someone like Lent Mortimer could have come up with it. Because weapons and explosives were made of steel and oil, all that was required was a control of the supply chain. For the Eyes to crush the weaponsource entirely, they would simply have to crush the raw material sources. The fastest way was to go straight to the suppliers and acquire those. Because the weapons relied on companies that were nearly monopolies of their own markets, it was even simpler to affect the weapon production. Over the years, Marubeni Oil Corporations had come to own eightythree percent of the global oil market. Its oil wells were estimated to be in every oil-producing country, and it actually ran the cartel, thanks to Tetsuya Marubeni's connections with mafia from every part of the world. His own niece, of course, had even more connections with the underworld- she had used those against him. On the other hand, Mithall Steel was the leader of the steel producing corporations, with its market share at ninety percent. It was the closest thing to a monopoly, with consumers being overcharged and the executives getting as many perks as humanely possible. Of course, Athrun thought, it did not overcharge one key customer. The Blue Cosmos rolled out model after model of mobile weapons, crate after crate of explosives, and all sorts of stainless-steel gun-cum-bayonets that neither rusted nor weakened even in deep waters. The Eyes had drawn out a wrecked mobile suit just three years ago from the depths of a particular ocean- it had suffered its fate at the hands of a pilot Athrun knew personally. In fact, he had fought in that very battle himself and seen the sky-blue weapon plunge into its watery grave, its pilot, Auel Neider in it. Like Atlantis, the wreckage had been drawn out. Unlike Atlantis however, the weapon was mostly intact in the state it had been sent to the ocean in. In the cockpit, Leopold Wasser and Barnett Romia's team had found the remains of the pilot. And under the seat, they'd

found Don Mithall's personal logo that normal customers were not aware of. The supply of the steel was limitless, thanks to the special prices that Mithall Steel pledged to the Blue Cosmos. At one point, Mithall Steel had even supplying steel as a personal favour to Lord Djibril. All this was possible because Don Mithall, the heir of the Mithall Family, had come from a long line of Blue Cosmos supporters, although he had covered up those roots rather nicely. He was publicly supportive of peace efforts between Coordinators and Naturals, a philanthropist of disabled Natural-children foundations, young, and very dashing. In any case, the Eyes could not risk the secrecy that protected so many things just to haul Don Mithall out. That man was too slyhe knew how to garner support with a global audience and would have turned the world against Plant and The Eyes. Still, Don Mithall had been rather unimpressive in the end. Tom Edgeworth had been in charge of sending in an informant, and Lucretzia, his first aide, had been assigned the job. She did not take kindly to having Mithall's hands all over her. Nevertheless, she completed her job, and then seen personally to Mithall's torture and death. Athrun thought of the chamber that Lucretzia had put Mithall in. Forty-eight hours after his capture, Athrun had visited Tom and glimpsed the state of the chamber. The man had bitten his tongue to prevent himself from giving up the password for the key safe. But Lucretzia had gotten it from him anyway- that and his severed tongue. She had also taken his manhood while coercing Mithall to speak. But as Athrun had observed, she had sewn his eyes open first- punishment for touching her, she had said. Now, he stared at the figures of Mithall Steel again. They stared back at him, like little ants crawling all over the sugar-white papers. And Athrun stretched, trying to relieve the crick in his neck, accepting that his productivity had decreased beyond salvage. He gazed at the report again, not really seeing. All these years, the Eyes had identified and went straight for the raw material suppliers of the Blue Cosmos' weapons. It didn't matter that the Blue Cosmos had been a doomed organisation when the Second War had ended. It didn't matter that the Blue Cosmos was nearly extinct as an organisation, thanks to the international peace efforts. For as long as this world would exist, there would always be sentiments of

hatred that formed other versions of the Blue Cosmos. He ran a hand through his hair tiredly. His eyes hurt. And Athrun wondered if the readingglasses he had in a small case were necessary at this point. Miles Summon had recommended that he use those sparingly, however. Athrun knew that his eyesight had deteriorated somewhat, from the constant squinting and overwork. But he had never suspected that there would be a day when his slight headaches would lead to a kind of myopia- a Natural's disease, not a Coordinator's. Still, the day had arrived a few years ago, when he had been prescribed reading glasses. So for the past hour, Athrun had been sitting in his cabin, reading reports that were beyond him at this point, for nothing made sense in his muddled, distracted head. He closed his eyes, massaging the bridge of his nose, leaning back in his chair and sighing. Inevitably, he began to think about Cagalli. She had been living alone in that big house for all of seven years, a socialite if necessary, a recluse by default. Cagalli had probably been going to work early in the morning, returning late at night, both by her choice and not by her choice. The circumstances demanded much from her, and she was willing to give all to her work too. She would stretch her weekends into weekdays, meeting people she did not like, and smiling across banquets at people she could not bring herself love. He understood because he saw himself in her. And perhaps, she had been repulsed by the party at Rochester's because she saw herself in him too- the way he behaved diplomatically, correctly, politely but coldly. But he had long accepted this as a means of survival. Cagalli on the other hand, had come to The Isle to realise that she could not quite play this part. And so she had suffered that night. She seemed so lost, so miserable, at times when she thought that nobody was observing her. Even if he confronted her, she would not admit it, of course. That would have been unthinkable for someone as headstrong as Cagalli. But she was lonely- he could see it in the way she paused before she spoke, the way she had been awkward with talking about herself- all the little things. But as the chair swung slowly in a rotation, he caught sight of himself in a

small mirror at the other end of the cabin. Rune Estragon was no different from the Orb Princess. Rune Estragon worked long hours, plotting, scheming like a deceptive spider, smiling at people he wanted for allies, smiling at people he wanted for company, removing himself from those he loved. If he was attracted to a woman, he studiously ignored the woman, until need overcame him and he found a way to take her and use her until he was ready to discard her. And even while he fulfilled his needs out of a clear desperation, he dismissed the potential of the relationship by insisting that it was one that was borne out of convenience. For Rune Estragon, relationships were built on only the benefits that he would gain. His aides had been mere children when he had taken them in. Not by Coordinator standards, obviously. But to Athrun, Erlich Hoffman had become something of a son to him. And yet, Epstein had become who he was because of Rune Estragon and The Isle- and Athrun could not shake off the strange regret that he had become something of a Patrick Zala figure to Erlich. Even the twins- the twins he had tried so hard to be distant to, had ended up as his children. He couldn't help but love them. But for his aides' sakes, he distanced himself from them. He had taught them what they needed to survive, but he had made sure that they did not depend on him for emotional support. After all, Rune Estragon could give none. If a child began to laugh a way into his heart, he made sure that he did not grow too close to the child. No wonder then, that Laplacia was so hungry for love and Cartesia so cold to touch and to look at! No wonder then, that Epstein had become their surrogate father while looking for one in Rune Estragon! He stared at the mirror- at his mother's eyes. Those disconcerted him. He had never liked his eyes. People always told him that they were his mother'sbut Athrun knew better. He knew which line of his parentage he tended towards. And that was why; Athrun thought soberly, those he loved had left him one by one. He was too much like his father- too caught up in the world to notice that he had left those he loved. Perhaps Rune Estragon was even more alone than Cagalli had been in that house, that office, that Orb of

hers. She had people who understood what she was working for- she believed in the greater cause of what she was working towards. But he didn't. On this Isle, he didn't. And that was why he needed her. That was why he wanted her, even at all costs, he suspected. Here, alone with Cagalli, he was Athrun Zala again- someone who was capable of feeling, and therefore without the ability to be immune to being hurt. Even now, she was making him feel again, but she was hurting him at the same time by denying their feelings for each other. Her halfhearted rejection of him was aggravating, to say the least, since he sensed that she was insincere and even uncertain about her own actions. But he wanted her all the more. He needed something to believe in, something that could make him love and live again. The more she evaded him with that childish cowardice she was using as a defence, the more he wanted her. It was that simple. She was stretching Athrun's patience, and because he had a great deal of it, he was a man who could not tolerate being pushed beyond his limit. Away from the Fifth Isle, he failed to be Rune Estragon. With her, both of them here like this; he did not have it in him to scheme, to trick or force her into loving him. He could not deceive her, because she was different from everyone else. Suddenly upset and ill at ease, he grabbed a towel, a new set of clothes and headed to the bathroom. So perhaps Athrun had been too preoccupied to notice the path of light peeking from under the door. Or perhaps he had long forgotten that Cagalli had the habit of falling asleep in the bathtub. And while those were probable cases, perhaps he had been too irate to knock to check. Whatever the case was, he opened the wooden door and came face to face with a very startled Cagalli. She had been in something of a daze, her eyes half-lidded and her expression very sleepy, gold hair long and garlanded with bubbles and foam while it hung over her shoulders. But all this changed immediately. "Bloody hell!" She said in terror, something between a squeal and a gasp, and he jumped at the same time. Thankfully, she submerged herself within two seconds, sliding in deeper,

her face frightened and eyes like ochre saucers. So Athrun had walked in on a very naked Cagalli. "Oh God, I'm so sorry," He said, mortified. It seemed as though he were a cat trying to clear a mothball from its throat. She gazed towards the door with something like horror, realising that she had left it unlocked. Mistake after mistake- it was a complete malady of them. He caught sight of himself in the mirror aligning the wall behind her- his eyes looked like giant peas, perfectly round, green and his eye sockets were wrinkled in dismay. It struck him that he was behaving rather out of character. Hadn't he seen her in a partial state of undress before? Hadn't he seen a woman before? This wasn't really any different, he tried to tell himself- all he had to do was to get out of the grave he had somehow stepped into. He wracked his brain for a charming, intelligent response. But nothing came. Thankfully, Cagalli offered it for them both. "Look away," She whispered, her voice rusted with shock and embarrassment. He did not need her telling him that twice. Slowly, she rose; a Venus from the porcelain oyster of the bathtub, golden hair long and slightly wavy from the water. Fortuitously, her hair had gone untrimmed for so long that it covered most of her chest. Clumsily, she began reaching for a fluffy Turkish towel, wrapping it securely about herself while his eyes remained intently fascinated on the tiles that depiction of a mosaic fruit bowl on the ground. The vibrant colours and the thought of what she looked like yanked his memory to the painting that he had seen a long time ago. But Athrun couldn't help but think that Cagalli could be immortalised by a painting. Her beauty was best immortalised by being bestowed as a gift to another living, breathing, if equally flawed human. "Excuse me," She said quietly, shyly even, but with great dignity.

He muttered another apology awkwardly, eyes still cast down as if he had committed a mortal sin. So she stepped past him, ignoring him. He thought he saw something like scorn in her eyes, although he suspected that this was his own selfdirected scorn rather than any from her towards him. But in that moment, he thought he saw her eyes flickering contemptuously to him, daring him to move, daring him to act. Her golden eyes seemed to be asking if he lacked the guts or propensity to react appropriately to her. Cagalli might have left without emitting the trail of heady, deliriously sensual rose fragrances that clung onto her hair and skin. She might have avoided him completely and he might have avoided her even more so. Yet, Cagalli was a little clumsy, and brushed past him a little. It was probably not on purpose, or a significant contact, but it was more than enough for Athrun to become painfully aware of the compact, ripe body. She wrapped in a barely sufficient, white, gauzy towel. It was as if she was asking him if he dared to respond. For a brief, almost harrowing moment, he wondered what she would feel like if he pinned her to the ground and demonstrated what a man's dominance over a woman he wanted could be like. He was beyond the point of reasonbeyond the ability to see that she had neither the contempt nor an overt come-hither expression he had imagined on her face. He only saw every bit of bared skin, even her damp, curling golden hair, as an insult to his manhood, a challenge to him. Her fingers were tight around the confluence of the towel, the fluffy cloth protective of everything that did not need defending. But he did not see the defences, nor was he aware of her clear reluctance. All he could see was the tender, white arms folding around her body like wings. Her golden eyes looked at him, questioning. She was like a cat that wanted to be stroked and held. But she was also a cat that did not want to let a human near it at the same time. So contrary was his Cagalli. And in that moment, he understood that she could not help but test his

patience. She did not know that she was leading him on, but she did know how to consciously thwart him before she unconsciously led him on again. So he cracked the code in that second- she did all this because she did not know how to respond to him or herself. It was then that he knew that he had to be decisive enough for both of them. He could not wait for her to decide any more- she would never be able to. With a deft, almost curt movement, Athrun blocked her path, and he watched her eyes dart nervously to the navy of the sky behind him, where the open door was. The breeze blew in, making her shiver, and he wondered how sensitive her skin was. He wanted to shred her from the shell of her towel, to touch her and see her tremble for himself. The salt air was crisp and the ceiling glimmered with the gold lights and jewel colours of enamel paints. He was quite aware of their surroundings, but it would suffice. Anything would suffice as long as it could fulfil the rush of heat and urgency to his loins. He would pull her to him, pull her into the bath if need be; to possess her and allow himself to be possessed by her. He would make her understand the impact she had on him, once and for all. He looked at her intently, and he knew that she sensed the change in them, and her eyes glazed over in a mistrustful shade of amber. He could see that she had reverted completely into an unresponsive, sullen shell then, purposefully unaware of his intentions. She had probably acted this way with other men. Naturally, if she acted this way, most men would have left her alone. Nobody would touch the Orb Princess when she made it clear that heads would roll if anyone tried any funny business. More discouraging to men's advances was the fact that she appeared different from other women. Other women were vulnerable to the notion of love- most of them were in love with love itself, but not Cagalli Yula Atha. But he couldn't resist pursuing her- not when he knew that her reluctance was only a pretence and the default of her defences. It whetted his appetite like vinegar- if he could unlock her; find her, he would be fulfilled for a very long time. Her voice broke the tension. "Athrun," Cagalli said in a very small voice, "What are you doing?"

They stared at each other, tense with mistrust, uncertainty and even sexual frustration. They knew what they both wanted; what they both needed to be completed for once. Yet, she steadfastly refused to admit it, even to herself, and she now looked at him with a numb mutiny that angered him. "Isn't it obvious?" He said bitingly. "Isn't it clear what I'm going to do for both our sakes?" Cagalli took a step back and then another, suddenly a cowering, cornered cat, no longer indifferent to him. Athrun felt a shock of lust cloud his mind as he watched her. That small sign of cracking hinted of her ability, willingness even, to be dominated. She would be a passionate lover, he suspected, alternating between someone who demanded and gave as generously, a lover as unpredictable as the tides. And he would enjoy taking his turn to react accordingly to her. This submissiveness she displayed now was enough of a signal for him to be demanding, to make decisions for both of them. Reaching a hand out and watching her flinch, however, made him slightly more aware of her vulnerability. A piercing jolt of despair ebbed into him as he watched her move as if he had threatened to hit her. He could not force her into this. At least, he could not bear to; not when she had a single doubt left about him, no matter how small it was. "Look at me." He said intently, his body still blocking the doorway. "I won't hurt you." She gave a forced little laugh, drawing the towel tighter around herself, her eyes wary. "Do I look like I'm afraid of you? I may not trust you, but am I to be afraid of you as well?" Her limbs were fair from not seeing the sun, although their previously peachy tone had taken on a milkier texture for it. Her cheeks and lips were pink from her embarrassment and shyness, and she looked lovely with her golden hair long and cascading. The towel was rather insufficient for her, he thought distractedly. Although Cagalli had wrapped it around herself and had secured it with her hands, she was immobilised thus, and technically even more vulnerable to what he could do with his unoccupied hands. But now, Athrun had lost all desire to take her, and he was suddenly immune to her.

Her breasts swelled beneath the towel, just slightly as she tried to swat the bubbles out of her hair. There was only a hint of the promise her body held, the rest covered by her towel, but her body's lushness was increasingly obvious. He would have liked to undo the towel, let it fall away, and run his hands over her damp, moist flesh, feel her tremble under his palms and mouth. But it was no good. Nothing was any good now. Athrun forced his eyes to focus on her face. Thankfully she did not notice what he had been distracted by. Cagalli began to sneak past him even thought they were inches apart and nothing about his posture suggested that he was going to let her leave. "Are you done fooling around?" Cagalli said haltingly, in a show of bravado with a weak smile. Athrun steadfastly ignored her question. His eyes were serious, and his mouth in a tight line. "Don't test my patience, Cagalli. We've been playing cat and mouse for far too long." She turned very red, and then, forced out her words. Those came in a rapid gunfire of feeling, more than she had expected to hear from herself. Cagalli was always unpredictable when she was forced into a corner- and he had done this in more ways than one. "For Pete's sake, Athrun, I can't discuss issues like that when I'm not half decent while you stand barring my way!" He looked at her candidly. "It's precisely because you're like this now that we can discuss these issues." Rattled, she drew in a deep breath. "For the last time, Athrun, I don't want to be a link in your mile-long chain. I don't know who or how many women you took on this yacht as part of your trophy cupboard, but that cupboard won't include me. Even if I might be attracted to you, I don't have the time to be fooling around with you." "I'm not fooling around," Athrun said mildly, without any clear sign of emotion. She understood, with a pang, that he had retreated into his own brand of defence- he had always chosen to cut off any sign of human emotion when he felt vulnerable. Some things didn't change. "I didn't bring you on this yacht for a one-night stand." He said soberly. "I have never done anything like that.

Also, I wouldn't have brought you away from The Isle if you hadn't asked me to." "But you did!" Cagalli spat. "Do you know why?" He asked abruptly. How many rules had he broken, how many dangers had he put himself in by acceding to her request? "Only because I agreed to be your puppet for a night at Rochester's circus?" She said hatefully. "Only because I wanted you to trust me." He said cuttingly. He had done all this because he wanted her to trust him, to understand him. He had hoped that she would open up to him, that she would grow to accept him. "Trust?" Her voice was a whiny of incredulity and purposeful disdain. "What's the use of trust- my trust in you leads to nothing while I am a captive here and-," "Because I wanted to love me in return." Athrun said, cutting her off swiftly. He took a step forward, not caring who they were anymore, not caring about their states. And in that moment, he had enclosed her to him, holding her tight, one hand buried in that mass of gold, pressing her head towards his shoulder, as if he had suffered an injury, as if she was the salve. She stared, stunned. But then she closed her eyes tightly, as if he had struck her, and she shook her head mutely against him, unable to loose herself in the warmth of his arms. For their sakes, she could not. Suddenly more hurt than he had felt in his life, he let go of her, stepping back. His eyes lingered on her legs, moving upwards to her tightened hands, and her white face. "That's what I thought. You're a coward, aren't you, Cagalli? You say that you're unable to trust me, that you're afraid of me. But you aren't. You're only afraid of yourself, and you can't trust yourself either. You keep avoiding what we've always been running from. And that's why I won't waste my time with you any longer." Cagalli tried to laugh, wanting to spurn him completely, to reject him completely before she was lost in his gaze. "That's not true, I-," "Just get out." He concluded, with such superb calm and control that she became intensely aware of how childishly she had behaved.

His eyes lingered on her face with disdain, and like Eve, she was suddenly ashamed of everything about herself. She was being cast out of the room and his presence, his concern and his life. But why did it matter anyway? The mosaic fruits and flowers seemed to mock her now, and she cast her eyes on the left wall and saw white blossoms and an enamel motif of apples. What was the greater sin? To love him and ruin them both with a passion they were capable of giving but not controlling, or to deny her feelings for him and save him from suffering with her? She felt something tighten in her, and not daring to look back, she ran from the bathroom, locking herself in her room, and gasping great sobs, fighting back her tears.

That night, she stole out to the deck to bathe in the pool and silver light. She assumed that it would do her some good. Immersing herself into some kind of activity always took her mind off the grieving pain she suffered from. Of course, the suffering had been there for a long time- the difference was that the Isle and Athrun Zala was making her aware of it. To distract herself, she would have to find something to occupy herself. If Cagalli had been in Orb, in her house, she would have hauled herself to the room where she kept the work files in. But here, she didn't have that option. She found the night to be slightly humid and peeled off her pyjamas. But her previous swimsuit was hanging, still wet over the chair outside the other side of the deck. So Cagalli was forced to settle for a tank top and a bikini bottom, ignoring the top piece of the latter. It wasn't purely for modesty- she did not favour clothes that she felt she did not do justice to. But Cagalli did not realise that any person with a less than a complete sense of sight would have looked at the swimsuit top, looked at her, and disagreed with her general insecurity. Even now, she wrapped a towel around herself, covering her midriff and her thighs, shy even though there was technically nothing to be afraid of. It didn't matter; she told herself firmly, that she was wearing a mismatched

bottom and a tank top to the pool, for lack of better options. After all, nobody was actually going to see her, except the moon and a few fish. Or maybe one of the curious porpoises who didn't need their sleep, andFuck. Athrun was already there, swimming and cutting though the water cleanly with his arms white and shining as mercury did, like an albino fish. He was swimming fast, a machine, but there was a fury about the way he was slashing into the water, a mad energy that seemed to want to spend itself out. She stood behind the pillar, peeking at him. From that little hiding corner, Cagalli saw that Athrun Zala had a beauty that surpassed the parameters of gender and the equality of distribution. Of course, Cagalli had always been aware of how nonsensical, how almost errant it was to look at a man like Patrick Zala's son in a manner Hades would have done with Persephonethat mixture of awe, wonder and desire. But now, she was even more aware of the foible of being attracted to Athrun Zala. For one, Athrun was unpredictable and she knew very little of him after he had vanished seven years ago. Watching him like this gave her very little understanding of the facts, even if her instincts and senses were now attuned to Athrun. Besides, an already complicated relationship didn't need the addition of Stockholm's Syndrome. Cagalli reassured herself firmly that she would be back in Orb very soon if she played her cards correctly. It wouldn't do to become dependent on somebody she would leave behind. Moreover, Athrun Zala was beyond her. She could choose to hold him. She could do as he said he wanted to and let him learn her, know her. But she could not. She didn't dare to. Nevertheless, she had taken a gamble the other time. But he hadn't let her. He had seen through her at the very last minute and had pushed her away, aware that she was not going to let him hold her as Cagalli Yula Atha. She thought about Rune Estragon. He was harsh, even cruel as her captor. But he was beautiful too, and he could be astonishingly gentle- those

glimpses of Athrun Zala made her even more attracted to him. It was tempting to go along with his promises that she would be returned, safely and unharmed, to Orb once the six months were over. Cagalli knew she had to refuse him and ignore his promises to let her go eventually. He was only lying to herhe was not to be trusted, no matter how he appeared at times, or how attracted she was to him. Yet, she wanted to know who he was, what he was doing here, why he was doing all this. She couldn't leave without knowing everything about him first. And similarly, she had to know all this in order to leave. Cagalli bit her lips, realising suddenly, that the night at Rochester's had been proof of her dilemma, except that she had neither realised nor recognised it. Now, she understood why she had felt so troubled about Athrun. Returning to Orb would mean that in time to come, she would be as Orb wanted, setting aside time, finding a suitable mate and consummating an entire marriage regardless of her own plans. But frustratingly, she did not have other plans beyond doing what she could for Orb. She wanted to govern Orb for as long as she couldbut she did not want anyone else involved with her task, certainly not a political pawn of a husband. She studied him as he made a sharp turn at the end of the pool. He wouldn't be a political pawn, this man. He could never be one. She put a hand to her own lips, thinking of his face. His mouth fascinated her. It was thin and softly fluted, beautiful and expressive if he allowed, but slightly wry and cruel. Had his father put that in him? His mouth was always slightly sad even when it was smiling, but it could be passionate, demanding and gentle all the same when he kissed her. His eyes were something stranger. They were unreadable because there was either everything or nothing at all. He had looked that way that night when he had pushed her awayrejected her. Perhaps, Athrun had understood more than she would ever of herself. That night at Rochester's, Cagalli had actually tried to destroy herself without fully understanding what she was doing. She had chosen him to stage her own unconscious self-destruction, although neither of them were entirely aware of this.

In the depths of her, she had locked away the consciousness of her freedomless existence. But she had not been able to ignore that reality for that night. The women around her at the party were free to love and live without consequence, living as they wanted to even if a general society frowned on them. She however, could not. Orb was placing a high price on her with the non-verbalised expectations that Cagalli Yula Atha would be untouched until her wedding night, a vestal virgin to be sold, bound to a man who would probably make Orb a lot richer and more powerful. If she lost her virginity in some careless fling, like the thousands of women who were not as privileged as her, but free to live as they wanted, if she lost it all without Orb and her future husband actually knowingIf she lost the virginity that Orb was counting on in a temporary, solely physical relationship, if she lost it to Athrun Zala- it would be the most potent form of revenge on everything around her. After all, self-destruction had seemed to be a small price when she wasn't even sober and not self-aware enough to know what she was doing. But now, she was sober enough to realise that it would be fitting, ironically apt if she gave Athrun her virginity before she left for Orb. Perhaps, just perhaps, it would put an end to the past, once and for all. Of course, it helped that she was probably still physically and emotionally attracted to him as well. Alone here like this, behind a pillar, watching him, she had to admit it to herself. A fling with any other man would have served her fantasies of living without fear of any consequence. But it had still been unthinkable to throw herself at any male who walked by just for the sake of quenching the anger and spirit that she had denied for so long. A fling with Athrun Zala, however, would be something different. It would be more than the fantasy of living selfishly, for herself and for nobody else. She was both repulsed and attracted to someone with so clear an affinity for bloodshed. He provided her with a thrilling kind of danger, someone who would be a threat to her way of living, someone who she had been prepared to forgo and forget. Maybe she wanted that. She wanted him. But he had rejected her- he had been the first man who had ever rejected

her because he was the only man she had ever wanted. Cagalli shook her head, trying to clear it to no avail. Well, that was that. A sense of self-disgust filled her. How childish it was, she reflected, trying to take revenge on something that was more powerful than she would ever be. If anyone in Orb ever found out that she had thrown herself at a man, they would see her as selfish. How selfish it was to want to selfdestruct in such a wanton, careless manner when she had yet to die for Orb! Cagalli rubbed her face with her hand tiredly. She had to fight against her circumstances even if there was that temptation to give in and use this time to learn more about him. If she stopped fighting against him and The Isle, if she let him near her, she would end up falling for him even more deeply than she ever had. And if In any case, she had to get back to Orb. She would decide what to do after she got back to Orb. With any luck, the country would be so busy dealing with the aftermath of her kidnapping and the blow to the international relations that they would forget about her twenty-sixth birthday. And Cagalli turned to leave. Discreetly, she moved out into the moonlight. This was not by choice, but only because the moon had risen even higher. She pattered from behind the pillars, trying to get back to the rooms below the deck. But suddenly and for no reason at all, she realised that the sound of his body moving through the water had paused for quite some time, and she turned around and saw that he was looking right at her. Startled, she dropped the towel she had draped around her shoulders, and took a step back, stubbing her heel against a pool chair, cursing loudly and colourfully. Her voice seemed to break the silence and periodic lapses of the waves. Even the crickets seemed to pause. He said nothing, half-submerged in the water. "Uh," She said meekly and evasively, picking up her towel and holding it around her shoulders. She wiggled her toes, trying to dissipate the pain. Inwardly, she was cursing again. How undignified to have stubbed her heel- and how unfetching it was for her to be like this, a deer caught in the headlights, in front of someone like him!

He swam to the end she was at and looked at her unsmilingly. "What are you doing here?" He asked. He had a kind of anger in his face that was controlled, contemplative and very cold. Cagalli fought back a defensive retort, not wiggling her toes anymore. "I was thinking of swimming." He said nothing. "Obviously," She said, finally using the defensive tone she had intended. The moon illuminated her bare arms, neck and midriff. His eyes regarded her cynically, although he knew he had felt an unmistakeable flush of heat to his head and loins at the sight of her. "Go ahead." He began to pull himself out of the pool, eager to get away from someone who he could not trust himself to behave around. It wasn't fair, he thought in agony. It wasn't fair that if he had wanted another woman, he would have taken her without any consideration of anything but their physical needs. It wasn't fair that he wanted only her, and that she was the only one he would never be able to have. With Cagalli, he was thwarted by her and his own reservations, made impotent by the very feelings for the woman before him. So it was better this way. If she would stay away, if he could stay away, it would be easier. But she had to ruin it all. For Cagalli knelt and caught hold of his arm with her two shaking hands as he sat on the ledge, his legs still in the water. His arm was wet and cold, but waxy like a lily's petals, dotted with water and very pure under the white light. She saw then, that Athrun had never lost a kind of purity even if his innocence had been tarnished. Under the darkness and cover of enigma was still a core that was a liquid, shiningwhite silver. Everything he wore, that mantle of cruelty and hardness, did not change his nature as something that was pure and good. Cagalli looked into his eyes and felt her resolve crumble. Good god. She wanted him to love her even though she could not afford to love him. The extent of her hypocrisy made her flinch. "Don't go." Cagalli said uncomfortably. "There's no need to avoid me. Just because we shouldn't get any closer

doesn't mean that we have to be enemies." Athrun looked at her. He felt something jagged warming and become softer and more accepting. He felt his resolution to let her go melt into the indigo sky as her hair blew in the wind. Why did she have to do this? Why did she have to draw him to her, push him away, and just before he could swear off her, take him close to her side and lead him on again? He should have pushed her away, gone away, and done anything but become even more besotted with her. And yet, how could he forgo the chance of being near her? She seemed to be incandescent, glowing and luminous in the chilly blue darkness and small orange lights around the deck. The tantalising glimpse of her breasts was now maddeningly clear in that cerulean coloured tank top of hers. Her bottom was mismatched, but it revealed her thighs, and he could see how slender and soft her midriff was. Despite the loping, boyishness she had unconsciously cultivated, the natural buoyancy and lushness of her body was undeniable. He had noticed this the first time he had met her- how she seemed to be a walking contradiction. She had fascinated him even then; this childwoman who had the ways of a boy, the heart and strength of a man, but a creature that was feminine, soft and lovely. "I didn't mean to offend you," Cagalli said, rather awkwardly. And she added lamely, "We can still be friends. Even if we can't be as we used to-," She found no strength to continue, blushing furiously at her lies. She knew that she was lying to them both. She was still trying to deny everything, and he felt something stir despite his resolve to ignore her. All he could think of was the pounding of the blood into his head and the last time he had had a woman. Three, no, nearly four years, without having a woman, becoming more and more disconnected with what it meant to be human. How could he stay still now and remain unmoved by her? Slowly, knowing that he did not have to rush her, that she could not refuse him anymore, Athrun took her two hands away from his arm and placed them on his shoulders. And gently, he eased them both into the water once more, pulling her in with him, unravelling the towel around her body as she sank in.

Still holding her, he moved the soaked cloth aside, shifting it away from the pool's edge. "That's not enough now, being friends," Athrun said steadily. "It was never enough." She shivered at how dangerous his voice was, quiet and not to be disobeyed. It was strange to hear this from him, though he had never hid this aspect of him from her since she had been brought to The Isle. In fact, Cagalli had never thought of him sexually in the past. He seemed incapable of flirting or being jealous, passionate or possessive because he was too mature, too incorruptible and too gentlemanly. He was always proper, if a little stiff. It had never occurred to her that those qualities were not mutually exclusive from what he was- a man. She had seen him as little more than a child all this while. In her eyes, Athrun was a child that was innocent and untouchable, almost immortal in his purity and his ability to change her, and she had loved him. She had fallen in love with him quite quickly and quite fatally in the way that mothers often experienced with their newborn children. She'd seen him weep for Kira, broken and wounded by the world. And Cagalli had awoken to those new feelings, although she had interpreted them as the protectiveness of friendship, comradeship even. She'd wanted to protect him then, in the same way she had felt for Kira. The first time they had kissed, they'd blushed furiously. They had done little more than that even after she had become engaged to him. But that was only because he had never made a clear move- he was too proper to want to flirt and become overtly physical in their relationship, and she had never quite thought of him as a man. No wonder she had been so uncomfortable with him when she had been brought to The Isle. Granted, it was a shock seeing him again and coming to terms with her captivity. But Athrun as a man, a man that could not be refused or coerced, a man who wanted her and was direct about it, was a very new and uncomfortable notion to Cagalli. There was something possessive and primitive, jealous even, in the way he looked at her, the way he spoke and held her. The only hint of this had been the moment when he had slipped a ring onto her finger, looking away, blushing, unable to verbalise what it was that he wanted of her. Had this primacy, this need for possession always been there? Or had

she denied it in the past, ignored it until she had become a captive here and had been forced to acknowledge it? And had Athrun become aware of her lack of preparedness before she had been aware of it herself? Had Athrun realised during these seven years, that she had never been fully prepared to have him as a husband, and that she had seen him as little more than a boy? And was it fair that she judged what they both felt now by the standards of what she had felt for him then? Cagalli had no time to consider this. For Athrun began to press her against the wall of the swimming pool, trailing his mouth roughly, hard against hers, bruising her lips in his eagerness. And his mouth was tracing a route down her jaw as he began kissing and biting her neck demandingly. A strange, piercing pleasure erupted in her, and she felt him bite her earlobe a little, still touching her. And the sensation of his touch multiplied into an agonising, addictive need. He wasn't content with conquering her mouth- he stroked her shoulders, wrapping his arms around those with a careful gentleness that hinted of a passion, a passion with intensities he would be eventually unable to control. She murmured something he could not decode, not quite responding with his fervour. But he was inflamed by the sensation of her small body and her soft, abundant chest pressed against his harder one. Unable to resist, he reached to her and caressed a soft, full breast, feeling her heart beat under it. She blushed adorably, breaking the kiss and lowering her head until he lifted it to resume the possession of her mouth, his hand still defiant on her, not being rough or teasing but insistent and searching. There was something powerful, evocative even, about his action. He was not asking for approval and trying to elicit a response. He had done that such a long time ago- when he had asked her to kiss him like she meant it. Only now did she understand how he had forced them on this path from such a long time ago. Now, he was proving his ownership of her. And that was all he needed to do. Abruptly, he separated them and her eyes flew to his. He saw that they were frightened and flecked with brown. Athrun gazed at her, his expression unreadable. "Why are you afraid of me?"

Cagalli's eyes remained fixed on the orange light at the far end of the pool. "I'm not afraid! I'm just-, I- I don't know. Things have changed. I can't quite remember what I felt for you then." His voice was quiet, filled with intent. "But I don't need you to remember what our relationship was like in the past. What I need is the present." Her voice, in contrast, was troubled. "We're both different people, Athrun. I can't trust you any more than I can trust myself. You know we're physically attracted to one another, more than we've ever been in the past. We can't help that, and I can't deny it anymore. But I can't let myself trust you." "I can't tell you everything." He in a low voice, thinking that she was referring to the secrets he kept from her. "But you should know this. I brought you here without planning to be anything except Rune Estragon. I didn't bring you here by my own choice- I never wanted to bring you here. But I did. And I have long given up on wanting to be a mere captor." She shook her head miserably, silencing him with a finger she pressed to his lips. It wasn't that she deserved his secrets. It was that she could not give her secrets to him even when he deserved it. She drew in a deep breath. "I'm afraid of what I'm about to do." Cagalli said sombrely. "But if I don't tell you this now, we'll go on like this, neither here nor there. I can't do that." He looked at her and saw that she was trembling. Gently, he took her hand from his lips and held it to him, near his heart. "I'm the Princess of Orb, not just an Emir now, and I wield more power than any other person on the earth itself. By myself, I'm as powerful as the entire Earth Alliance council." Cagalli said shakily. "And my people can know this. Things have changed since you were gone. The map's been redrawn in Orb's favour, because of everything I've done for it. There have been Earth Alliance territories ceded to Orb while you were gone. Under me, Orb's seen more economic growth than any other country or territory in the last twenty years. Under me, Orb's become more of a superpower than the Earth Alliance itself!" He stared at her. He knew all this- but he sensed that she was admitting this to herself, not him. "Do you understand? I'm more accountable for all the people in Orb and its colonies than ever. They are counting on me to lead them, and I have to. I'd go mad if I didn't try and find redemption for my father's death. And that's why I need that power, that respectability and trust from my people."

"I didn't love you for that power and the name you inherited from your father," Athrun said firmly. "I loved you for anything but that. Don't you see, Cagalli? That's the beauty of it all. On The Isle, you're not the Orb Princess any more. Orb loves you as worshippers of an idol, a kind of goddess. But you're a human- you were made fallible, and I loved you for that!" "Don't say anymore." She said desperately. "The only thing that matters is that I live and die for Orb. If my people look up to me that way, then so be it. If they need me that way, it's good enough for me. It's better than what I expected." "I'm not going to argue over the fact that you have obligations to people beyond yourself. "Athrun told her. "But you don't while you're here- not for the remainder of the six months anyway. And even after that, you don't have obligations to your father. You didn't cause his death directly- he chose to die for Orb himself." Cagalli shivered. "I'm expected to do the same, no; I want to do the same. And that's why I need to leave- I have to return to a place I know the rules to, a game that I can win. I need to return and forget everything to function properly again." He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She had never said this to him before. Granted, he had suspected it all along, but she was actually confessing this to him. When he spoke, his voice was cold, frustrated, and his eyes had become a dark-coloured sea. "Here on The Isle, there's little to prevent us from falling in love again, even more deeply than before." Athrun looked guardedly at her. "Isn't that true? Away from everything, you'll begin to think for yourself. Here, you'll make decisions that might cost you everything you thought correct. You believe that you are only of use where Orb is concerned. That's why Orb became so important to you. It was your own cage." "But I know how to live in that cage." Cagalli said brokenly. "I'll be safe there." Athrun pressed her hand closer to his heart. "But you used that cage to alienate yourself from the past and anyone who you might have had feelings for. That cage doesn't keep the world from hurting you. It's hurting you by keeping the world out. That's why I want you here with me- my cage isn't keeping the world out for you. It's giving you the world." "This is all a mistake," She said wearily, bringing her hand away. The more she felt his heart beat, the more torn she was becoming between staying and insisting on leaving.

"Nothing makes sense here. I need to return to Orb. Even if Orb is a cage, I won't be able to live anywhere outside it. Please. Let me go." "I won't let you go." Athrun said curtly. "At first, I thought your desperation to leave The Isle came from the implications of the Orb Princess being kidnapped while in Scandinavia. I wondered if your extreme attempts to escape came from trying to prevent a political catastrophe and the instinct to preserve your life. But then, I suspected that you were so desperate to leave because you were afraid to leave everything you knew and had become used to." Cagalli felt his hands cupping her waist as he looked directly at her. He took her hand to his heart once more, and she realised that she had no say in any matter. "I can't let you go until it is time to." He said in a very soft voice, so quiet that she almost couldn't hear him. "I don't even have a say in this- there are people beyond me who will not let you leave The Isle. But even if the decision rested solely with me, I wouldn't let you go. Even if you were allowed to leave tomorrow, I would need you here with me. If you're with me, if you let me love you, I can find myself again." "No," Cagalli begged, afraid to hear anymore, afraid that she would want to stay, to be needed by him. "I can't stay here any longer. Not even for the remainder of the six months. Orb needs me. It's dangerous here." "Not if you stay in the manor." He said tightly. "But I want to be free," Cagalli cried in frustration. He shook his head. "You're lying to both of us again. You haven't been free all this time. You've been working for a person who doesn't even exist anymore. Orb isn't your father, Cagalli. You've been locked in your office and your house, your mind all this while. Is there any difference with the room in my manor?" She tried to say something, but found that he was correct. "Stay with me," Athrun said softly, persuasively, "If you don't want to stay in that room, you won't have to from now on. I'll find a way- I'll let you roam the manor if you want. We'll be together from now on. We'll discover what we left behind all over again." "It's madness." Cagalli said intently, afraid of how her heart had beat against her for that moment. "It was all in the past. If we repeat the past now, it would be even more insane."

"But there isn't any other way." He said, just as strongly. Their eyes met and they engaged in a silent battle of wills. "You're assuming that I still love you as I once did." She said tensely. "And that you love me the way you once did." "Don't you?" Athrun said gently, insistently. There was no bravado that other men might have asserted this with. There was only a quiet pain and inevitability in his eyes. "Didn't you know that I've loved you ever since I saw you?" He looked at with a sad, wry smile. "Do you know how obsessed I became with the girl I'd met on the island? And we'd only met once. I watched you fire a gun and lose your resolve at the same time. I began to question the beliefs that I had been raised to believe in. All because I met you." She saw, quite suddenly, that his shoulders had white scars on them, like claws had raked themselves into the flesh. It was only that his skin was so white that those were difficult to see. Her hand over his heart curled inwards, into a fist, unable to accept that she had left some kind of scar on him as well. "I read what my father wanted me to read as a child," Athrun said morosely. "I read 'Franny and Zooey' until I could recite the book backwards. I read books where the only thing that mattered was contributing to society even at the person's expense. And I grew up believing that dysfunctional families were a normal state of affairsthe book and my own family were almost the same, filled with brilliant people who didn't know how to love even when they did." The Glass family had been his family. His father was a strange embodiment of overachievements, Athrun a product of those achievements by himself. A brilliant man with a brilliant, possibly more brilliant son. A wife who was a model of a learned and intelligent woman, someone who obeyed her husband and produced a suitable heir. A house filled with pictures of family and an absent father. Were they capable of love? Were they capable of showing love to each other? "The Zalas were one of the most powerful families in Plant," Athrun told her heavily. "And that's why I was brought up to live for others and not for myself. How do you think the Elsmans, the Joules, the Zalas and the Amalfis ended up ceding their beloved sons to the First War? These families were some of the most powerful in Plant and the world to begin with, even before the history of Coordinators started. Their debt to society was to make sure their heirs grew up with all the privileges of education and fine

upbringing to contribute back, be it in politics, businesses, in every aspect of society. That's why all our parents had to watch us being sacrificed in a war for humanity if necessary." Cagalli stared at him, suddenly thinking back to the dinner they'd had when he'd revealed something of the most powerful Coordinator families' history. The Joule House filled with political giants. The Elsmans were masters of commerce. The Amalfis boasted a long bloodline of musicians, artists and philosophers. Athrun hadn't spoken much about the Zalas. But had he been hinting of her role in all of this- how she'd made him go against his own heritage, his place in history and what his society expected of a scion of the Zala House? He had been expected to die for the Plants. But he had defected- the son of the Plant Chairman, running away from the Plants, defying his orders, going against his own captain, using a mobile weapon he'd stolen - all because he'd met someone who'd suggested that everything he'd known wasn't always correct. "So many people looked up to the Zalas, the way they lived and contributed to society with their cleverness and wealth. Do you know how I met Lacus? Our parents were already associates. But even before that, we were both on so many shows. Shows that featured wunderkinds. She was being asked to sing." He took a deep breath, and she suddenly saw that telling her all this was hurting him. "I was given all sorts of puzzles to solve with a new record to break. I was made to break so many that my talent became the breaking of records." Athrun laughed painfully. "I was brought up thinking that being clever and well-behaved was the only way for me to gain my father's attention. The more admiration I earned, the closer I was to my father. But nobody knew this. So many people admired the Zalas. They wanted to be the Zalas." Cagalli saw that his face had become very pale. She thought of the Glass children, and suddenly saw that Athrun had been shaped by more than his father- he had been moulded by his own surroundings in ways he couldn't fight against. "And I thought I had to do what my society expected of me." Athrun said wearily. "To go to war, obey my father, obey the chairman of the Plants, fight another war and give up all that I really wanted to do. Even going back to the Plants after the Second War to continue the political legacy of the Zalas was something expected of me. When I realised that I couldn't live just for the sake of everyone else, I came

here to The Isle. I can't keep living for the people who are watching me, can I? I need to live for myself." His voice was filled with a grieving that was so human, as was the warmth of his body and the pulse under her palm. She realised suddenly, that the rhythm under her palm was that of his heart. "I never realised it. But it was during the first time I saw you that I began to see that." She stared at him, surprised. "What?" "You were so different from everything I knew." He said earnestly. "You acted because you believed in something, in its totality. I wanted to feel as passionately as you did. I wanted to believe in something completely and totally again- you made me question what I'd grown up believing. Wasn't it fair that you gave me something else that I could trust in replacement for what I questioned?" Cagalli's heart leapt. "Did I even?" "I thought you knew," Athrun said simply. "All this while, I thought you'd known exactly what you'd done. When you'd made me question my beliefs, you made me renounce those. And in return, I began to believe that the only way to end the war was to stop the fighting first." "We all believed that," Cagalli tried to argue. "It wasn't me that really made you believe it- you knew it all along, deep inside yourself. Maybe, I just happened to be there and-" He looked at her directly. "Maybe that's true. But by consciously making me question everything, you were responsible for my subsequent beliefs." There was no accusatory tone, merely a stating, a matter of fact, and it made her feel uneasy. She had never thought of that event of meeting him in this way, but the more she thought about it, the more he seemed correct. "I couldn't go for a few days without thinking about you then. Did you think it was pure nobleness that made me want to use the Justice to stop the Genesis, and die for all my father's sins?" Athrun said with a mirthless laugh. "Wasn't it so?" Cagalli said, bewildered. He laughed again, and this time, she knew it was a broken sound. "You never knew because I never told you, did you? That's why you're selfish- you never realise what you can do to others around you. When I attempted self-destruction, it wasn't merely to absolve my father and myself from his crimes."

She stared, wide-eyed. "Then what else was there?" He looked at her with open, honest eyes, and something began to hurt in her chest. In that moment, Cagalli had looked into his true face for a moment, and it was one that would last an eternity. "When we were on the Archangel, when you said that you'd protect me, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop my loving you. But I wanted to stop. I was afraid of how you would eventually grow up as I had and begin to lose your innocence and your love for the world after the war ended. Then you would see that I wasn't worth very much and that I certainly wasn't worth your loving." He was trembling, but he did not break the eye-contact. "I thought that if I could sacrifice myself and die honourably, you would remember the best of me. If I could die, you would love me forever, even after the war ended and when my father and my sins would be dragged out for the rest of the world to judge. The last memory of me would blot out any subsequent proof of how unworthy I was." "God- I," Cagalli's face was white. He had given her a love that had the nature of a child's unselfish totality, but she had failed to understand that he had given it to her as a man. And yet, she had banished him from Orb, forced him to leave, he had gone to The Isle. "But out of all those reasons, I wanted to make you cry- at least once!- for me." Athrun said heavily. "I wanted you to ask me not to go anywhere else, to live with you, by your side. And you did." Her voice was strained. "I asked you to live-," She was panting, as if she had wept until she had collapsed. "And that was why I left the debris of my father's killing machine. I lived and tried to atone for sins beyond me," Athrun said jerkily. "Because you asked me to live. I wanted to live for you. But I made so many mistakes. I left you for the Second War because I didn't want to accept that my father's sins had nothing to do with me. And when I wanted to undo those mistakes, I had to watch you leave me to try and atone for your own father's sins." "There wasn't a choice then," Cagalli argued. "The Second War hadn't quite ended and I needed to be in Orb. And even after that, even after you came back to Orb when the war had ended, Orb needed me more than anyone else did."

"What about now?" Athrun said abruptly. "What if I say that I need you more than Orb ever will?" She forced a little laugh out, trying to take her hand away from his heart, but he gripped it and held it there. "Don't Athrun-, it was impossible from the start. Even now, it's impossible." His eyes narrowed, and his voice was harsh. "You asked me to live and to forget about my father's mistakes, but now you don't want to do the same even though I'm asking you to for my sake." "I know it isn't fair to you!" Cagalli cried, losing her cool completely. "But we'd drifted apart by the time the Second War ended, and it didn't make sense to drag that relationship on when I had full responsibility for Orb! Even now! I have no other choice, I-," "But you do." He interrupted. "You can choose to stay and to love me." "I can't," She said, white-faced. She watched his mouth harden. "You love Orb for your father's sake." Athrun said bitterly. "But you refuse to love and live for me, when it's for both our sakes. It isn't fair to both of us. I know I haven't the least right to ask you to love me. But there isn't any other way for me. I've spent seven years understanding that." She stared at him, painfully aware that she had no right asking him to love her either. For that matter, she had no right asking him to live in the past. But she had. And he had done so for her. In doing so, he had conferred his life into her hands. His heartbeat was hers to crush, that heart that beat under her palm. And in a single moment, she realised that she had even less right to tell him to go on living without her. She could not hide anymore from him. It had been during the Second War that Athrun realised that he couldn't live for others. But for her, it was during the Second War that Cagalli realised that she had to live for others. She had become the Orb Princess for her father, for Kisaka, for the thousands depending on her. She had become the Orb Princess in order to live with the guilt of being an indirect cause of the Second War despite her father's wishes. The guilt was unbearable- but as the Orb Princess, she could find redemption. That was her place in the world- as the Orb Princess. As Cagalli Yula Atha, she was worth very little.

She felt something stir within her, an emotion so great it made her eyes sting, as if he'd forced her head underwater while her eyes were still open. Athrun's heart was beating steadily, and she wondered if it was better to crush it and then her own to stop their suffering. The relationship they'd once had had been a slow, achingly torturous descent to hell without either of them knowing it. They had been so young, so deeply in love, with hope coursing through their veins. Love gave them hope, and so they'd believed that love was all that mattered. But in reality, the hopes and ideals she'd had had never existed. It seemed ludicrous that she had once spoken to him of love and peace and the will to live in the First War. For Cagalli had lost a great deal of that idealism and noble rhetoric by the time the Second War was truly over. Slowly, surely, she had known that that idealism and her innocence had been eroded a little by little all these years. Those hopes she'd carried through the First War and most of the Second War had been proof of her inexperience and ignorant naivety. She had actually believed in the political rhetoric of fair play and honourable governance because of her inexperience. In retrospect, Cagalli was now sure that Athrun had been as thoroughly tricked by the notion of hope as she had been. But for him to have been so enamoured with hope, for him to have been so enamoured with her! For all his sophistication and that seed of bitterness his father had planted in him, Athrun had been just as idealistic and as foolish as her. Perhaps, it had been his aching, grieving young heart and scarred body which had wanted a respite after the First War. Everyone needed hope to survive. Even for Athrun, who had seen so many ideals exposed as flimsy rhetoric, hope was necessary for survival. Or perhaps, it was because he'd seen so much that hope was an imperative. Unwittingly, Cagalli realised, she'd given him some kind of hope when she'd asked him to live. Consequently, he'd chosen to believe that some ideals still existed, and that those existed in her. His hope had come in the form of love and acceptance, something he sought from her. She had been so deeply in love with him, with life itself; that she'd scarcely realised that she was leaving

an imprint on him that he would never be free of. For her, hope had come in the notion of a better world and that she could contribute to it without betraying her values and personal beliefs. But by the time the Second War was truly over, she was convinced that they'd been fools. She'd become wiser since then. She stared at him, seeing how his face had changed since then, how cold his eyes had become, how tense and cruel his mouth seemed. Perhaps, he'd learnt since then. But now, Cagalli finally understood why she was so afraid of looking at him, into him, seeing how he'd changed to survive. In Rune Estragon's face, Cagalli saw herself. She was the Orb Princess who had survived by relinquishing her identity and ideals. She wrenched her hand away from him again, and he stared at her, understanding that she was saying something that she had never wanted to tell him. "There." Cagalli said roughly. "Do you see? You didn't really love me- you loved the thought of hope and renewal, redemption even. But you were wrong about me. I'm no different from the people around you- I can't show you another way of living. Maybe I was different in the past. But that was only because I believed in those ideals, those dreams, because I was enough of a fool to." She looked at him, her eyes molten with tears. "I'm living the way you've had to for survival- the way everyone lives to survive. Don't fight it anymore, Athrun. People have to live in the places assigned to them because that's what's expected of them. That's the only way they're of use to anything. That's why I had to banish you when you came back to me after the Second War. I needed you to leave Orb and go back to the Plants where you were needed, so I could stay where I was needed." Her voice was filled with grief. "I couldn't let you see that I had betrayed myself either. I used to believe that I could achieve things without betraying myself- but that's not possible. That was an ideal which I shouldn't have allowed myself to believe in. That's why we need to stop fighting against the things we can't change. Ourselveswe've both changed too much since then." "Perhaps you're right." Athrun said steadily. "Perhaps I loved you for what I thought you could give to me and how you could make me forget who I

was. And we have changed much, there's no denying it. I've become Rune Estragon- you've become the Orb Princess. But my feelings haven't changed." "But mine have!" She cried, in a sudden lapse of self-control, revealing the depth of her frustration. "I've been thinking about it, and the reason why I probably feel attracted to you is because I'm attracted to a life where I don't have to answer to anyone!" He took one look at her and understood. But he had- that night when they'd returned from Rochester's, when she had been so close but so far from him. "In any case," Cagalli said wearily, "I've changed so much that it doesn't make sense to love you when I shouldn't. I can't give you whatever you saw and loved in me- not anymore. You don't know anything, do you? You think you have feelings for Cagalli Yula Atha, when I'm not even the same person you loved!" He watched her, his eyes like glass shards in the moonlight. His next words surprised her and struck a kind of dread into her heart. "I'm not entirely ignorant, Cagalli. I don't know the exact details, but I can guess what you did to regain power in Orb after the Second War. By the time I came back to Orb, trying to win you again, you'd already started breaking down the Seirans and other political threats. That's why you were so resistant to letting me enter Orb during that time. You didn't want me to see what you were doing to gain a foothold in Orb. That's why you allowed me to be accused of being involved with the Seirans and their crime of poisoning Orb's then-prime minister. But you didn't want me to be executed either. So you got me out of there fast, before anyone could really clarify what happened." He watched her quietly. Those eyes were gazing through her, staring into her, through the window of her resolve, and she felt herself becoming cold. He knew. So all this time, she thought resentfully, he had been playing around with her, mocking her and her efforts to distance herself from him. For all this time, he had stayed around her, reminding her of how deep the wounds were, how deeply and madly they had been in love. He'd even allowed her to throw herself at him, watched her make a fool out of herself, hiding things that he already knew about. He was seeking some kind of twisted revenge on her, she thought desperately, exposing her when she was finally sure that she had feelings for him.

His voice was calm, cutting. "The Seirans were desperate to make peace and regain their footing in politics after their only son had died. They even pledged their allegiance to you." "They did," She mumbled, "They asked me to forgive them and their greed and insensitivity they'd showed. They asked me to let them off on the account that they were distant relatives of my father." "But you had them crushed." Athrun said intently. His voice was soft, and she thought it was almost cruel because of how devoid it was of feeling. "You all had their assets frozen by accusing them of embezzling from public funds. It was a ridiculous accusation, don't you think? The Seirans were so filthy- rich that they didn't have to embezzle anything at all. You even let your advisors draw up figures to suggest that they were going bankrupt to strengthen the accusation." "The Seirans funded weapon production lines for the Blue Cosmos in the Second War!" Cagalli said through gritted teeth. "If I didn't do that, they might have helped the Blue Cosmos regain power even when the world was still trying to recover from Second War!" "But you stripped the Seirans of their political standing in Orb as well." Athrun reminded her. "You took away everything that they had. Even their last dignity- their political power." "I had to!" She cried. "They were a threat to Orb's security. If they continued to have the former influence they had in Orb, the people would be misguided. They'd undermine the government I'd set up with my own hands! If I hadn't done that, they'd have been a threat to Orb!" "They'd have been a threat to you." Athrun interrupted. She looked at him, white-faced. "You had them defeated so entirely. And you pushed them so far, that they had to do what they did." Athrun said relentlessly, ignoring the way she was beginning to tremble. He knew what he was doing. He was breaking her. But if he didn't, she would never be free. Cagalli spoke bitterly. "They tried to assassinate me with poison. The prime minister died for it." "So you gave the Seirans no chance of turning back." He said, looking at her impassively. "Because you felt that the prime minister's death was your fault. You revoked their Orb citizenships and to prevent them from leaving the

country until the case was entirely closed. In the meantime, I was forced to leave Orb, effectually taking the blame with me because the case was never entirely resolved. But when you closed their family bank shortly after, the Seirans committed suicide once they lost their last source of income. You drove them to it. Their followers pledged their allegiance to you and the new government after that." She began to stammer what she had rehearsed for so long, what she thought she knew to say. Hadn't her advisors drilled her on this, hadn't she been prepared for this day? But in truth, he was the only person who questioned her about this- no one ever had, not even her subordinates. It had been her Cabinet, her new government, in fact, who had advised and convinced her to act as she had. But she had willingly done what they'd advised in any case, convinced that being ruthless was the only way. Athrun looked mildly at her. "Am I looking at the great, noble Orb Princess and what's left of her ideals?" How had she reacted to Dullindal's justification for letting weapon factories function? He'd justified those by saying, "Some things can't be helped." Nine years ago, Cagalli had retorted, "But they've got to be helped!" Now, Athrun looked at her, and she was afraid to look at him. His voice was callous. "Did you finally learn that establishing the kind of power you needed to rebuild Orb was at the expense of your ideals? Did you finally realise that sacrificing others like the Seirans and their followers was acceptable for the greater good?" "They weren't worth much." She whispered. There was nervousness, desperation in her voice. "They weren't worth much." "I suppose the Birthday assasins weren't worth much either." Athrun said unexpectedly. Her eyes widened and she began to clutch at her hair, shaking her head. A cry ripped itself from her throat and there was madness in her face. But he grabbed her hands, locking them in his, preventing her from wrenching fistfuls of her golden hair out from her scalp. Athrun had not told her of what he had found out- he thought he had been protecting her by pretending to be ignorant of the last seven years. But now, he knew what he had to do to save her. When he had stabbed and shot Decant Corriolis in front of her, she had lost her ability to speak. Athrun

had been surprised that she had reacted so adversely, so extremely to this. Granted, seeing a man die like that was horrific, especially since he had been certain that Cagalli had never killed a person with her bare hands before. To make her regain her speech, he had needed to know the cause of her extreme reaction. Thus, Athrun had asked Epstein to gather information. When Athrun had learnt of the past events, he had understood how fragile Cagalli was and why she had retreated into a shell upon seeing Corriolis' death. On her twenty-second birthday, a group of radical Orb Naturals had charged into the ballroom the celebrations had been held at. She had been sitting amongst the most important royals, smiling, making conversation, trying to hide her boredom at an event she could not choose to not attend. She had screamed as a guard had fallen on the table, food and blood everywhere, sixty men and even women in masks opening fire at everything they saw. Her bodyguards were rushing everywhere, trying to shoot the assassins down, and she had seen one turning to her, shouting his instructions for her to run before his head had been blown, clean off his shoulders. She had tried to get up and run with the rest, hauling herself to her feet, weighed down by her elaborate gown with a long train. She had tripped, stumbling across a step in the mad rush, and had gone down in a hail of bullets. Athrun had been silent as Epstein had recounted all this to him. "A witness claimed he saw the Princess being attacked by one assassin who fell on top of her." Epstein had reported gravely. "She was surrounded by a circle of other assailants and the witness said he couldn't quite see anything because the circle was so dense and so tight. But the witness claimed that he saw the Orb Princess' personal aide rush against that circle, striking out at everything he could see until one of them grabbed him and put a gun to his head. But there was a stray bullet and the assassin holding Aaron Biliensky fell into the circle of his own comrades and died shortly. He was shot through his eye and brain." Athrun had folded his hands, thinking. "And what about the Orb Princess?" "The witness claimed," Epstein had answered hesitantly, "That he saw the

Princess lying on the floor with a ripped train and a slashed bodice with the sleeves torn apart. There were bloodstains all over her, and she was holding a gun and pressing the trigger without stopping, not even when all the bullets had been used. The witness claimed that she was screaming but there was no sound coming from her mouth- and the assailant who had been about to kill her aide was lying on her with half his waist blown to bits with holes in the back. He fell on hershe probably shot through him even though he was already dead from the first bullet. She probably didn't even know what she was doing." Athrun had been very silent for a long time. Even when he asked his next question, he had already guessed the answer. "What was the colour of her dress?" Cagalli had felt the weight of a corpse falling on her, she had seen Corriolis' blood seeping into the white sheetsand she had remembered. "White." In fact, Cagalli had suffered no more than a stray bullet whizzing past her cheek, for a bullet-proof vest was part of the pre-cautions. The Birthday assassins, as they soon came to be called, were taken away once reinforcements had been sent in. The whole ordeal had lasted slightly less than an hour, but something of Cagalli had been destroyed on her twenty-second birthday. To be wished dead, on her birthday. Now, he caught her in his arms, locking her hands in his, stopping her from hurting herself. She was thrashing about wildly in the water, sobbing, and he felt a surge of hatred for those who had tried to harm her. That hatred was so strong he didn't know if he was capable of even healing her. Her voice was shaking badly. "I had to shoot- I couldn't let that man hurt Aaron- if I hadn't shot him in the eye he'd have killed Aaron- and there were nine of them- they wanted to kill meOne was laughing when he struck me and tried to take off the vest I was wearing under the gown- I thought he would shoot me in the head straightaway but he said he wanted to wait-I couldn't let Aaron kill them- he'd have to live with his hands stained-," Athrun grabbed her face, seeing the tears stream down her eyes for a brief second- for in the next, he had silenced her by kissing her, closing his eyes while knowing that she would close hers. Neither of them knew how long they kissed, how they clung to each other

as if parting would shatter one or both of them. The water was cold, it washed against them, against their shoulders as they sank deeper into the pool, too busy to find the proper footing, too desperate trying to heal each other, too much in need to keep from sinking. When they had to break the kiss, he only brought her closer to him, preventing her from distancing herself from him. It struck him that there were tears running down both their faces. Her voice was small, and she was trembling still, but he let her speak. She needed to tell him all of this- he needed to hear it. It would be the only way she could find a way to recover. "I had to allow the Orb radicals to be executed when they were rounded up and proved guilty of high treason," Cagalli said shakily. Her arms came tighter around him and he knew that she was afraid that he would let her go. But he didn't. He would never. He tightened his hands around her waist, and only then did she continue. "They would have harmed me again if they had been allowed to keep their lives. They would have manipulated and used Orb the way the Blue Cosmos wanted, against Plant and the Earth Alliance's efforts at establishing peace amongst the Coordinators and Naturals. I had to approve of their removal. Diplomacy wouldn't have gone anywhere with radicals." Her lips were ashen with her biting. "But that's not all I allowed. I-, I can't say it-," "Tell me." Athrun whispered. "You need to say it. To me. I won't let you go even if you want me to." She didn't dare to look at him, even though there was the comfort of being wrapped in his embrace. Her body limp with her fear, her hands cold although they were on his warm, breathing body. "The radicals admitted to the charges after a week's worth of torture by the Orb Bureaucracy of Intelligence. It was advised- I wouldn't have thought of it- I couldn't even speak properly at that point- I was still speaking in stammers- but when it was suggested, I allowed the Bureaucracy to torture the radicals. Most of them died before they admitted it. Those who survived the torture were executed thereafter." She closed her eyes, tears spilling out of them even though she did everything in her power to keep them inside her. "That's not all. I allowed the dissidents who spoke out against the newly unified government of Orb to be banished. Each time the advisors put forward a proposal to remove potential threats, I allowed the proposal to be implemented. Those who spoke out against the new government lost their

citizenships and were forced into areas outside Orb and its territories. Those people lost almost everything in their lives because of me. When some tried to return for revenge, I allowed their elimination, I allowed their public execution as a warning for the others. All that during these seven years." "You had to." Athrun said sombrely. "It would have been ridiculous for the new leader of Orb to support those opposing her government. Ideals have no place in politics." "When I privately questioned the justification for Orb's extended control of the former Earth Alliance colonies, I was criticised by my own parliament. It didn't make sense for me to refuse taking the colonies that Earth Alliance was offering. There was Europe, some parts of Africa, and some South-east Asian territories- all those would benefit Orb, whether politically or economically. They told me that as the Orb Princess, I would be a fool to reject the Earth Alliance's offer. It made sense. At that point, America was the most powerful independent region that had broken away from the Earth Alliance. America was trying to take control of other former colonies and build its own power. Orb had to step in." "I know." Athrun said quietly. "If America gained enough power from these key colonies, and failed to remove anti-coordinator sentiments from its states, another war would start. So Orb took control of those Earth Alliance colonies before they could fall into the hands of America and possibly, anti-Coordinator radicals." "Power comes from the barrel of a gun." Cagalli said softly. "It took me so long to understand that." She placed her head on his shoulder, a swan concealing its head under its wing. He knew she was blinking hard to keep the tears away. "My father thought this way, and I could never agree with him. But I've become my father. I made so many speeches after the war, begging the people to trust in the government I was to build, to trust in peace and the renewal of life. I used to believe in what I was saying- but for the first time, I knew that those speeches were built on rhetoric. The means of accomplishing what I was promising to the people-" She gave a desperate, tiny little laugh of misery. "Gilbert Dullindal, mad or not, unethical or not, was a genius. How self-righteous I was when I told him that things had to be helped- as if I could help those things! Everything I've done all these years was necessarythose were a means to an end. He was correct- the means don't matter when the end is all that counts."

"Everyone called Orb the economic miracle- the fastest to recover from the Second War's aftermath. Unemployment was reduced by seventy percent within two years after the war ended, and growth was increasing by three percent a year. Imagine that! But nobody really knew that the massive job-creation came from the government buying up wasted land and restarting factories and massive production lines. Producing weapons!" "Those weapons were used to stamp out the minor, post-war conflicts within Orb colonies. My people were making weapons to restart the economy- I couldn't refuse the most effective option of job creation. Those weapons were loaned to Earth Alliance to wipe out the coups, since the Alliance couldn't even afford their own army after that. There was a demand for those weapons, so we supplied those. That's why the Earth Alliance gave us so many territories to Orb. The world understood it as being a transfer of areas that needed more attention from a more stable superpower. But those were actually payments for the weapon-loans. It was written off as a structural change of the EA and Orb territories, but I know better! Orb earned so much from the production and loaning of weapons- I couldn't refuse or deny that." "Each time, I wondered if there was another way. But if there was, it was not nearly as efficient. There's a tainting of hands everywhere- and if there must be one, then my hands should be the ones to be tainted. It's what my father went through, and I'll do the same for Orb." Athrun brought a hand to her neck, letting it move upwards, rooting itself in her hair, hugging her. He wanted to hurt whoever it was who had hurt herbut now, it seemed that he was powerless against those forces too. Everything that hurt her weren't people- people could be killed and punished. Systems, memories, traumatic experiences- those couldn't be killed or punished. "I had so many politicians boughtbribed over." Cagalli said brokenly. "They became my political figureheads- then when they'd served their purpose, I allowed them to become redundant, which made them removable." Dullindal had bought Mia with the offer of a dream. But he had allowed the dream to collapse, and he'd allowed her to die as a broken piece of something that could never be. Cagalli had done the same, in different ways, with people who might have become threats to her hold on Orb. "It's been so effective, I wonder if I was right for judging him as a heretic." She said in a strange voice. "Perhaps his plans for the world were the best futures for all of us. We wouldn't have

to dream- we wouldn't have to be fooled by ideals and be disappointed each time. Maybe he was just ahead of his time, that's all." "Nobody knows." Athrun said softly. "But I can't accept what he wanted for the world because I had my own dreams." "Look what they became!" She cried. "I betrayed you in the end, didn't I? People let each other down because they have different dreams and they want to fulfil their own dreams! That's why it's better not to dream at all!" She pulled herself away slightly to look at him. Her eyes were fearful. "Do you dare to hold me still?" "I've known what you did for a long time," Athrun said flatly, "But I want you all the more for that." Her voice was a whisper. "What?" He grabbed her by her shoulders, gripping her to him, forcing her into his embrace again. His voice was wracked with pain and need. "It's time we stopped thinking of the things that have changed, and see the things that haven't. I don't care if you've killed someone, if you've done things that have gone against your nature and what you believe in. Those were sacrifices, sins, whatever you make of them- but you did those knowing what you were doing and that you had to do it. I don't care if you think you aren't worth anything if you aren't the Orb Princes. Do you hear me? I've lived and seen enough to recognise that the sins I've committed doesn't change what I want. And I want you." She looked at him curtly. "What do you propose then? With what I know, with what I've seen, what I can do, what I'm expected to do, I will always remain the Head of Orb. And nothing can really remove me except death. And even then, I will die as my father didfor Orb. There isn't an alternative. This is what my father meant, this is what he wanted when he entrusted Orb to me. Even if I have to continue staining my hands, doing things that go against what I believe in, I will." "Your father's dead." He said brusquely, and it was a whiplash. He did not know where the bitterness had come from, the tone of anger, jealousy and hatred in his words. He did not know why he had said thatwhy he had chosen to draw out her fears and her insecurities and used those to bring her into his arms when he didn't deserve to hold her either. But he knew he had hurt her in the end without meaning to- perhaps, that was all he was capable of- this destruction of everything he had ever loved.

She watched him, stunned, as if he'd hit her. Then something in his face crumbled. A twitch of the mouth and his eyes were not emerald chips. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, I-" She pulled herself from the pool and stood up, mumbling. "My father's dead. I know. That's the only reason why Orb needs me. That's the only reason why I choose to be my father. That's exactly why I need to be the one who stains my hands for Orb. And that's why I can't allow myself to love youyou deserve more than someone like me. And that's why I need to leave The Isle." He did not answer, but then she had already left him in so many ways. Chapter 13 That night, she came to him. Athrun had not known that she would, nor did he realize the implications of her actions at first. It surprised him, on retrospect, many hours later, for he should have known it wouldn't be simple. Of course, he thought much later, it was logical to expect nothing more than an apology from her and a peace-offering, for Cagalli was not the sort who could be angry or have someone angry at her for a long time. But he should have known, still, that it was more than that. The fact was that she came to him this time, offering something that he could not resist. He had lain in his bed an hour after their confrontation, the pillows soaking the excess moistness from his furious, almost desperate exercise. He hadn't bothered with a change of clothes- merely pulled on his pants after little more than a quick towelingdown upon finishing his swim. He had flung himself in here, his head throbbing. And Athrun had thought that it was his fault that she had evaded him again. He'd pushed her too far- he'd pushed both of them too hard. In the process, he'd revealed more than what he could or wanted to, and even then, nothing made a difference. Perhaps Cagalli was right- she was meant to exist for Orb and nothing, for nobody else. Not even if he was begging, not even if she might have had feelings for him, not even when he was risking everything he had for her. Even with his cabin door locked, the moonlight was streaming clear into the area, an invader that bathed the room in a dim light. It fuelled his frustration and he felt feverish under the white light, and it seemed to him that he was being driven into lunacy.

He stretched his hand out, seeing it become almost glowing under the moonlight. Athrun knew that the light was not worth chasing after. But on the other hand, he wanted to hold it, to grasp it and to feel something solid in his palm and fingers. When he heard a tentative knock on his door, he sat up disbelievingly. It was Cagalli. Of course it was Cagalli. Who else could it have been? And that was why he stared at the door for a while, not moving. If he pretended to be asleep, perhaps he would wake to find that things had only been part of a long dream. Perhaps she would leave. But she began to speak, and he knew he was fighting a lost battle. "Athrun," Her voice was quiet and with a dignity he suddenly despised. Her dignity, that cold, cultured faade had been lost when he had spoken to her tonight. But Cagalli had put it back on, like a mask, evading him. "I know you're still awake. I know you won't want to hear this, not after how I've treated you for all these years. But I must say it still." There was a pause and she began. Her voice was steady although he sensed there was dread and pain in it. "Orb's waiting for me to return. It's not a matter of choice, even if I wanted to stay. It's true that I have so many things I have yet to learn about how I even ended up here. I am curious- of course I'd be. I want to know why I was brought here for, what your plans are and who's giving you orders." He listened to her pause and then continue. "But nothing matters more than returning now. If I stay on for six months as you order me to, there's no telling what would happen to Orb and Scandinavia- or for that matter, myself." It was humiliating, Cagalli reflected, to have him bring out all her insecurities one by one, to watch what she had established be negated by how she had established those very things. But the fact that he had forced her to address all these didn't change the truth that she was afraid of facing herself every day. And she knew what she had to do-if she had already traded her ideals for Orb's sake, then at least, she would keep Orb safe. Orb was the only thing she had left, and so it was the only thing that mattered. And that was why she had to keep Orb from sinking at all costs- all to keep herself from sinking. That was why she had to leave The Isle, the yacht they

were on now- and return to Orb, to stop it from sinking and to stop herself from being destroyed along with Orb by a person she was so powerless against. There was no telling, Cagalli decided, how long she would be stuck in the manor without a route she could use to escape. But there was something she could use- Athrun himself. The guilt tore at her but she steeled herself. An hour had been enough for her to come to a decision, and it was culminating before his locked door. There was only once chance to make him play her game now. "Please open the door." She said hesitantly. "I need to speak to you, face to face." His voice was steady from behind the door. "Not until you promise me that you won't run from me and yourself this time." She breathed in deeply. No- she had a better solution to their problem. It was a solution that would allow her not to run but to face him every day. And yet, she wasn't sure that she could promise him that she would open herself to both of them, which was clearly what he was asking of her. "I don't think I can promise that, Athrun." Cagalli said quietly. "It would be far too dangerous to let you any closer. For both our sakes, you know this is the rational thing to do. But I do need to speak to you still. If you hear what I have to offer, perhaps you'll understand. So please, open the door." Athrun felt his hands trembling. How it stung, to have her still think of him as a mere captor who was intent on extracting things from her, how she was thwarting his feelings for her now by saying this! "I don't want to let you know me. I don't even want to know myself after all that I've done. "Cagalli said softly. "Here, on The Isle, I have to. You make me face myself. I did tonight, didn't I? You made me do it. But I can't do this on a daily basis the way I'd do if I were near you everyday." Her breaths were becoming shaky, and she swallowed to keep her voice from vanishing completely. "If I questioned myself everyday, I wouldn't be able to go back to Orb and face everyone again. I would never be able to act as the Orb Princess they look up to anymore. I'd be too aware of the lives I harmed while trying to protect others. And you remind me of that, Athrun. I never dared to admit it to you or myself. But you're a living reminder of what I sacrificed for Orb."

The door was flung open, and Athrun stood there, his face white with anger and distress. He was bathed in moonlight and she saw that his eyes were almost black in the strange, foreign light. Those glinted, and she knew that they were wet. His voice was low and raw. "Didn't you realize it?" Athrun said hoarsely, "That I knew all you'd done even before I brought you back here to The Isle?" She had suspected it, of course she had. Subconciously, she had sensed that he was studying her, judging her even when she had awoken to find herself in bandages and seen him sitting by her side, as if they were in a normal hospital and he was simply visiting her. Every step he had taken, Cagalli realized now, had been calculated. When he had asked her to kiss him, he had been testing her, to see if she had numbed herself completely to the past. Before that, he must have realized that she had gone through some kind of trauma that had been so efficiently hushed up that nobody really knew anything about it. After all, he had witnessed the way she had reacted extremely and adversely to seeing him kill a man. Had he allowed the man in to elicit a response from her, so that her bluff would be called? During the encounter at Rochestor's party, hadn't he led her on and then rejected her right before she could erase everything she didn't want to remember about herself with the haze of heat and pleasure? Had he been leading her on merely to confirm that she was running from both him and herself? "I didn't think about it enough." Cagalli admitted. "I didn't want to face the possibility that you knew all the things that I wanted to forget so badly." Athrun looked at her, his eyes stormy. She somehow found the strength to continue even when he watched her with those terrible, knowing eyes of his. "I suspected that you knew about these seven years even before you'd taken me to The Isle." She admitted. "I would have been a fool not to suspect that you didn't know about my past. My being brought here was well-planned, very well-planned, in fact. So it was likely that someone as meticulous as you would have probed into the past to make your present plans function efficiently." She looked at him wistfully. "Maybe that's why I was always so hesitant

and so mistrustful of you. I didn't even dare to admit it to myself- that I was hiding something and that I wanted to continue hiding it even if you might have already known about it. So I wanted to distance myself from you. It wasn't simply the fact that you'd changed and that you were my captor. Frankly, Athrun-," She dropped her gaze until he lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him, "I'd become very attracted to the aspects of you that I'd never seen before. I always thought I understood you in the past. But even now, I don't know." "So if you were learning to accept that I'd changed, or possibly, always carried these traits within me," Athrun said slowly, letting his fingertips move from her chin to rest on her shoulder, "Why did you distance yourself from me?" "It was the fact that you could confront me with the past at any time that I was here on The Isle, the way you did tonight." Cagalli said quietly. "Then I was right." He said dully. "I was right all this time. But didn't it occur to you that I never wanted to bring the past against you?" She was startled, and Athrun must have seen it. He began to speak, and his voice poured into the air, shaking at first and then growing steady as he told her the truth. "I thought if you could face your sins and accept it, you would begin to accept yourself once more. Yet, I knew pushing you to it was cruel. So I never did, although there were so many questions I wanted answers to." "Tonight, I chose to bring up the things you wanted to forget, because it seemed like the only way to make you stay with me. And that was the real reason why I chose to confront you in a manner I never planned for or wanted." His face was pale, and his hand on her shoulder grew stronger in grip. "I want you to stay. This isn't about the people whose orders I follow anymore. This isn't even about the secrets I've kept for seven years. I want to be selfish, more selfish than I've ever been in my life. I deserve the chance to fight for what I want, even if I have to resort to ways I never imagined." She looked at his arms, those bare limbs that ran from his shoulder down as beautiful slabs of white marble would be attached. There were scars she could not see- scars she'd put there. She had made him in so many ways that she had never seen beforeperhaps even more than his father had, despite what she'd always seen and thought.

She took a tentative step forward, feeling the chill travel over her hands and down the length of her spine. He watched, still and grave as she placed her palms on his shoulders and traced the wounds that had healed over but still existed. The bullet wound in his arm, she saw, had probably been a deep one. He'd told her once that his father had ordered him to be detained; shot even, if he'd tried to escape. Of course, Patrick Zala had ended up shooting Athrun himself, just to keep him from defecting. In the past, Cagalli had been sure that the scar was proof of Patrick Zala's blind ambition and his conviction that his only child was better off dead than alive with beliefs that deviated from his own. But the scar was deeper than that. Cagalli had put it there as well- she'd asked him to think about what he'd always believed in, she'd asked him to question the fundamentals of why he was staying on in a war that he had lost faith in. When he'd left the Plants as a defector, as a war-criminal, as a disowned son; his arm had been bleeding and his mind still in numb shock over the way his father had looked at him and shot him. But Athrun Zala had done it while thinking of what she'd said. He had told her that she might have changed but his feelings hadn't. Hearing that had made her wonder if he was the fool or she for having felt her heart beat against her throat. Hope was something she could not afford. And so, no matter how tempting it was to let him guide them both this time, the only kind of possible redemption for her mistakes in the past was to live and die for Orb. And that was why she had to pull him to her and use him now, even though all she wanted was to have him take her into his arms and let herself love him. She traced the scars and then stopped abruptly, pressing a finger to his lips, touching his mouth now. "Athrun," She said softly. "Let's turn back. Bring me back to The Isle with you." He looked at her, running his hand on her shoulder down to her elbow, shifting her hand away but transferring it into his own. "What?" "Bring me back to that room in your stronghold," Cagalli said softly. Her hand was cold in his warm one. "Do whatever you need with me- extract whatever information you need to have

from me. If you want wealth, I have plenty of it. I can give you anything. And then let me go back to Orb. I'll give you anything in exchange for letting me go." "That's impossible." Athrun said stonily. "Because you can't give yourself to me if I have to let you go in exchange." She drew in a deep breath. "It can be done. It already has been done. You've left a scar on me the way I've shaped you." His eyes traveled to her collarbone, where it was covered by her blouse but he knew that a thin, almost indiscernible scar lay under it. "Don't you see, Athrun?" She said wearily. "You already have me. I'll never be able to forget about you, I'll never rid my conscience or my consciousness of yo. Not this scar either-," She laid a hand on her collarbone and they both knew that the scar ran deeper than it seemed. "You needn't be afraid that I'll lose the memories of you." Cagalli told him pleadingly. "Seven years proved that it was unlikely, and seeing you again proves that it's impossible." He stared at her, unable to speak because his throat was constricted as if someone had an iron grip around it. "Isn't it enough?" Cagalli said brokenly. "Isn't it enough that you've managed to leave a mark on me and that I will never be free from you because of it? Isn't it time that you accept our fates and let me go?" "No." His voice was calm, but there was something in it that cried out, a masked mention that gripped her and made her look directly at him. "It isn't enough until you give yourself to mewillingly, completely. Call it a conquest, call it anything. I don't want anything from you, Cagalli. How many times must I say this? I don't want anything from you- I want you. But what more do you want of me? What more must I give for me to have you?" Cagalli looked at him directly. She had been waiting for this moment. "Information. Tell me about the on goings that have happened outside The Isle, those pertaining directly to Orb and the Earth Alliance. Tell me what Orb is doing, what Scandinavia's doing, what their affairs are like at this point. I want to know." He let go of her hand, stumbling back into his room. She followed after him, watching as he sat heavily on his bed. When he spoke, there was frustration in his voice. "I can't. If I do, you'd want to go back even more. You wouldn't be able to sit still and stay on The Isle for

the next three months. You'd become even more determined to escape." "I won't." She assured him, lying even though she knew he was unlikely to believe her. "I just need to know- just to reassure myself that I'm in the know." "But I don't have the power to give you that information even if I wanted to." Athrun said somberly. "That information must be withheld from you at all costs- those were my instructions." "But this isn't about the people who're giving you instructions anymore." Cagalli reminded him, a challenge in her voice. Her eyes looked at him deliberately, and he saw both hollowness and steel in them that existed, a dialectic that had driven her forward for seven years and would possibly continue to do so until she breathed her last. "You said that yourself." She said firmly. "If you want something from me, this is your time to take it. As long as you give me that information, I'll give you what you want in exchange for it. I can't go back to Orb with just that information, so you have little to lose with this." He remained silent for a long time. She merely stood, watching him. The room was half dark and half light with the moon's casting of itself over them, and he was sure now, that both of them were mad. It was the moon- this lunacy, this complete giving in to their motivations and the trading in of their sanity. For Cagalli took a step forward, and then another, and suddenly, she was crouching above him, for she had pushed him to lie on his back. He was stunned, unable to speak while she bent slowly, her golden hair brushing lightly hoer his face as she kissed him slowly. It was a soft, lingering kiss, a strangely reckless one that had hints of suggestion in it as she parted his lips with her mouth and explored tenderly. He remained numb, unfeeling to her, and eventually, she moved away, staring at him with some uncertainty. "What in the blazes do you want of me?" He said helplessly, not bothering to conceal his emotions at that point. He could barely think straight. He suddenly realized how well she fit into his arms, like a piece that had been removed and returned to him. His mind was returning to the night when he could have taken her so easily, so quickly, before he would have realized that they were both making a mistake-

She was resting her head against his shoulder. And Cagalli's eyes were bright and mischievous. Her mouth- it was plump and sweet, mewling if he kissed her and took too much air at one time. It was a strange smile that he had never quite seen before or thought she was capable of administering. A strange, sultry smile that made him wonder if he had underestimated her and overestimated himself. "Athrun," She whispered. He wondered if the gulp he had heard was part of his imagination or a sound that his own mouth had produced. Cagalli's fingers trailed spider lines down his lips, and her voice seemed to melt into the air in the very moment that she let her words flow from her soft lips. "Will a kiss be enough for information?" She trailed off hesitantly, suddenly losing her nerve. "Cagalli-you-," His voice was hushed with desire and anger. Immediately, she faltered- she had not expected to anger him although surely, it was justified. "I thought," She said hesitantly, sitting up now, "I thought it would be enough. The other time, when you agreed to give me information about the manor and The Isle, you asked for a kiss." "Do you think that it will be enough now?" Athrun asked soberly. "It won't be. I won't accept this game you want to play. I can't give you information that I myself have no liberty to dispense." She was too dangerous. He knew how his heart had beat, how it had thrashed against his throat when she had kissed him and asked him to trade information. She wanted to do that again. What more? She would be asking for his life next in exchange for a kiss, and he would be tempted to give it. Even now, he was tempted to die for her, if she would only put her arms around him and tell him that she loved him. This was not something he could risk. So Athrun stood up, pushing her away. "Tomorrow, we'll be back at The Isle. I recommend that you make the necessary mental preparation- I will be a far less tolerant of your attempts to escape this time. The twins and Epstein will watch your every move, even when you are asleep." She stared at his back in frustration. "Athrun-," "No." He said softly, cutting her off. "There's nothing more to be said."

Three days later, Cagalli was lying in bed, locked in a room she had been brought back to. Athrun had had her blindfolded when they arrived back at The Isle, and she had strained her ears, guided by his hands, trying to hear something beyond the gulls and the sea and the waves crashing upon the shore. With him leading her, she had walked down step after step, leaving those sounds behind until suddenly, she knew that she was in the manor again. And even then, he had not taken off the blindfold but had made her walk forward, her shoes against a carpet and not sand now, and then she had heard a door unlocking, felt his hands pushing her in, and heard the door locking once more. Now, she watched mutely as Cartesia made tea and poured it carefully into a dainty cup. She felt drained, as if someone had taken her apart and restitched her, and she found no energy to get up. And so, she remained in that awkward position, half-lying, half-sitting up. It gave her the overall appearance of a broken doll that had been flung into a corner and forgotten. The girl was pattering around, communicating with her sister with only her eyes, and Cagalli knew there was a code that she could not decipher. It was difficult to understand the maids' intentions, let alone those that their master had instructed them to act upon. Cagalli tried to understand still. "Cartesia." Cagalli said softly. "Sit down and talk to me." "No, my lady," The girl answered fearfully. "I am not to do that. The master has instructed for me to keep away from you. Since he arrived home and received the news Epstein showed him, he-," She was silenced by Laplacia, who capped a hand over her sister's mouth. And Cartesia, who had been so willing to sit and speak and tell Cagalli of so many things, seemed another stranger now. Her sister glanced at Cagalli hesitantly too, and Cagalli felt more alone than ever in the room she had been locked back in. "Why?" She demanded. "Why are you doing this?" "Your Grace," Laplacia said tearfully, "It is the instruction from our master." Cagalli felt herself turning pale. "Does he trust me so little?" An unlocking of the door made her sit up forcefully- she yanked the blanket

off in the process and made as if to run towards the door, despite it being a good distance away that even a sprint would not suffice. "What have you done to gain his trust?" Epstein said calmly, looking at her. He stood, his back pressed against the door momentarily before he began to approach her. There was something different about him- something younger, something more haunted, and she wondered if it was her imagination. Today, Epstein looked drawn and white, thinner than when she had last seen him. Had he been overworked while his master had taken her away? She looked at the dark circles under his eyes and how weary he seemed to be, like a child that had stared for hours at a window, waiting for something. "Why are you here?" She managed, sinking back into the bed, weak with the effort and the rush of hope that had pounded into her veins and made her react on instincts alone. Her head was beginning to throb. "To keep watch." Epstein answered directly, nodding and signaling to Cartesia that she could take her leave. "It is my hour now." Cagalli bit back her anger and turned away. It was wrong to take her anger out on Epstein. He was only following orders and she did not want to antagonize her situation or their friendship. Yet, there was a frustration that could take control of her if she wasn't careful. So she averted her eyes from his face and sat stiffly upon her bed. The twins were making preparations to leave, but their eyes were darting from Cagalli to Epstein. Now, Cagalli realized that Athrun had his subordinates spy on each other even while working for him. Epstein was his spy, but Athrun had people spy on his spy too. He was not one who trusted- not when he had been so betrayed in the past. She said brusquely to Epstein, "You can leave with them." He seemed to understand her feelings and came towards her. His steps were hesitant though, as if she would spring upon him like a wild cat and claw him to pieces. "I won't do anything, you know." She said bitterly. "He won't let me. Nor can I find enough resource or energy to plot and escape." Esptein did not seem to be put off by her sour mood, but sat next to her,

placing an arm over her securely. "Cagalli, don't blame him." She looked at him mistrustfully, and he seemed to be hurt. He said slowly, "I'm not trying to defend him- I'm only trying to show concern for you." She found his fingers brushing her fringe out of her eyes and his cool fingertips trailing across her forehead. At least she had not lost his friendship. He guided her head to his shoulder, letting her rest it there. And Epstein said softly, "Trust him so that he can trust you." "How am I to?" She said wanly. "I don't know what to do anymore." "As we speak," Epstein whispered, lowering his voice as Laplacia made preparations to follow her twin out of the door, "He is pacing in his study. He has been doing this for an hour now." Cagalli lifted her head, looking at Epstein carefully. And Cagalli saw unhappiness in his young face. She saw that he was burdened by Athrun's own unhappiness, and she felt a weight settle on her. "It is my fault." Cagalli admitted, "I was foolish enough to provoke him. He was very kind to me, Epstein, but I chose to go against him so many times. Now, he will never trust me again." The door's built-in locks opened and shut momentarily as Laplacia and Cartesia pattered out, wheeling away the utensils they had brought in to make tea. The scent of rose and strawberries, as well as butter cakes filled the white, steaming air, and Epstein let go of her momentarily. He reached for a small, candied strawberry, transferring her head back to his shoulder and stroking her lips in the hopes of feeding her. There was a concern in his eyes that she felt touched at, for he was like a young boy who was trying to feed a sick, tired stray. Yet, his gentleness was to no avail, for she found no appetite. "Surely you did not know that you were provoking him," Epstein said gently. "How could you? This happened some time ago, didn't it? When you made the decision to move on, how were you to know that he would have still cared and that-," "Epstein," Cagalli interrupted him, raising her head. "What are you saying? I don't understand-," "Well," He said in amazement, "I thought you were aware of why my master is in such a temper. He has not spoken of it, but it is clear that he was unhappy about the news he received upon his return."

"News?" She echoed, still not understanding. "What news?" His eyes regarded her with confusion. "Why, news of your engagement to Britannia's Prime Minister, of course."

In the evening, Athrun visited her. She had expected this- she had been waiting for him. She had already prepared herself, all while the maids had collected the tea things and Laplacia had left, leaving Cartesia to watch over their master's captive. Cagalli had ignored her for most part, sitting on her bed and thinking, planning and plotting. But she had fallen asleep, and at that point, it did not occur to her that he had come into her room and resecured the door. She had been dreaming of a garden she had once seen somewhere, a garden filled with roses and a soft bunny toy being pressed into her hand. She did not like it- she shook her head, trying to push it away. The boy smiling at her had a weak, white face she disliked- he smiled wider and she smelt the roses in the air. And she suddenly awoke to the scent of his aftershave and the memory of a rose's fragrance filling her senses. Then she knew that had been asleep for quite some time. Surely she must have slept, for when Epstein had left, the maids had returned. What had they done? She couldn't remember- she had tried to convince one to let her out of the room. Her requests had become demands as she lost her resolve to stay calm, but thenShe stared blankly, blinking blindly. She couldn't remember. The twins had probably bathed her and dressed her in a fresh dress and guided her back to her bed without her being fully aware of it. She was in a white muslin shift now, and she did not recall wearing it while having tea with Epstein. Before thatShe couldn't remember either. Strange. Now, Athrun stood before her, a single white rose in his hand, and there was no expression on his face. She had detected the rose's scent and it had stirred the memories of the garden. The Seirans' rose garden, actually. Her father had pledged her as Yuna's playmate, although she had not understood the deeper implications of what it meant to tumble around in the grass, being forced to play hide and seek with the Seiran's only son.

Yuna had been a selfish child, bullying the servants' children, forcing them to give him piggybacks and their parents too, whipping the crawling children around with sticks he picked up. Cagalli had had her hair pulled by him, for it had been long once and tied with brightly-colored ribbons. Yuna had already been a tall boy, albeit one with a weak jaw and sly eyes, and she was such a small child that kicking and biting at him was futile. He found her every time she was forced to hide from him- and the rose bushes had scratched at her arms and face while he hauled her out, laughing and crowing to the other children that he had found his playmate. She had bitten his hand once, and he had slapped her in his rage, and she had ran away, hiding herself, sobbing even though she wasn't sorry she had bitten him and he had slapped her. She hadn't thought of Yuna since he had died. She did not feel compassion for a man she despised, but that was another death and another stain on her hands that she did not want to remember. Now, it occurred to Cagalli that she had never understood any man in her life. Not her father, not her twin, not Yuna Roma Seiran, and certainly not Athrun Zala. Athrun's eyes regarded her coolly, and she realized how close he was standing. He had teased her senses while she had been in slumber, leaving the rose near her for her to stir and wake to its scent. But when she looked at him, she saw that he was careful to hide any clear emotion from his face. He was guarding himself from her. Drowsy with sleep, she struggled to open her eyes wider, rubbing to try and keep alert. The twins were nowhere in sight, even though they had stayed around to watch her being comforted by their master's other aide. Had they told Athrun of this? It occurred to her that the twins had given her more than just tea- surely, this heavy, comforting sensation was that of being sedated. She could recall, very vaguely, a time when she had sat all day long doing nothing, staring into space, unaware of the bandages she wore. The doctors had given her heavy sedatives at someone's order to keep her from hurting herself. And when she finally regained herself, she had forgotten that unhappiness- working to keep her from remembering. But what she kept locked in her heart and her mind, her body still knew. This sluggish, doped feeling was familiar. This was a similar nightmare to the past. In that drowsy, heavy moment, she wondered if time had turned back. Had

she been brought to The Isle only yesterday? Frightened now, she glanced at her collarbone and found the scar there, but she was not bandaged and her orientation of time was righted then. His eyes were staring straight at her, and she flinched. "I'm not here to make things difficult for you." He told her simply. "This is the last time I will set eyes on you. After this, you will not see me again. Tomorrow, you will leave the Manor and be put in someone else's care." She tried to speak but found that she could not. He was ruining all her plans. She lay there, unable to say something, unable to apologise if he wanted an apology, unable to tell him what he wanted to hear. "But before that," Athrun said wearily. "I need you to answer my questions." He stepped closer and she looked at him dully. He began to sit on her bed and force her to sit upright, but she found that she was not frightened. She knew what to say to him. She knew what she would make him do. In her mind, she was still bandaged, she had returned to two separate moments that had been merged into a single one now. She was thinking of the moment when she had awoken to find herself bloodied and bruised, a person's blood on her hands, she the survivor because she had chosen to kill, and Athrun standing by her side, throwing away flowers she was allergic to, telling her that there was a price for everything. This was the only way to survive on The Isle. "Ask and I will give you answers if I have them." She said softly, "But in return, promise me that you will hear my proposal after you have gotten the answers." A wary look came over into his eyes, but she knew he would agree. This time, it was she who had information he wanted. "Fine." He said curtly. "Tell me why you gave your hand to James Marlin." She had been prepared for this the minute Epstein had told her that Athrun had shown anger at the news reports that his ward had collected for him while they were away. "He kept silent for a very long time." Epsten had revealed. "And then he ordered me out. The only reason why I'm saying all this is because I want you to know that he cares more than you think. He cares more than I know,

probably, more than I'm allowed to know." Cagalli was going to make use of this now. "The papers I've collected," He said breathing heavily, "Inform me that he is someone you got engaged to some time ago." "As all political marriage usually go." She told him calmly. Her lies were only a means to an end. "To hold my power, I must marry by my twentysixth birthday and produce an heir, since I must continue the Atha line to remain in power. You know this as well as I do." "Why him?" Athrun asked tensely. "He was the most suitable candidate." Cagalli said simply. "That is all." "Why did the media only release this information recently?" Athrun said abruptly. "If there had been an engagement in the past, as they now claim, wouldn't they have reported it?' There was a lurking suspicion in his eyes and she knew that it would not do to let him probe too much into the matter. Swallowing, she said steadily, "The Orb Parliament controls the press. It was advised by the Council of Elders that the engagement be used as a trump card, and it was kept secret." "Trump card?" "For a time when Orb would weather problems. The announcement of an engagement and marriage would distract from the problem, if there were such a situation." She was actually telling the truth now. If she had gotten engaged, it would be kept secret until the news could be used to the government's advantagethere was a calculation and a purpose to every aspect of her life that she herself had no control over. The Council of Elders, a gathering of the other Nobles from the other houses, would decide which men she could see, which man she would marry, even which heir would take the throne. Athrun himself knew that. He had known it so long ago. It had sealed his decision to renounce his name and become Alex Dino, her bodyguard- not so much because he wanted to forget his father, as Cagalli had assumed. It had been the only way he could have been with her. Not that it made any difference now, he thought bitterly. He recalled the reports he had seen. He had been collecting those over the years, keeping track of her for his

duty's sake but taking a personal interest in those. He was furious now, that he had somehow neglected the reports that he had dismissed as idle rumors. After all, it was common for the media to spy on the Orb Princess- these seven years had seen them making bets on who she would marry to fulfill her duties. Picture after picture of her with different men, candidates, he knew, had been published. Cagalli Yula Atha, dining with the Head General of Orb, Cagalli Yula Atha giving her hand for the top American diplomat to kiss. Cagalli Yula Atha, wearing an exquisite kimono the Japanese Prince's had personally chosen and presented to her, he looking positively smitten. Cagalli Yula Atha, strolling with the Britannian Prime Minister in the royal parks while visiting London. There were so many powerful, charismatic and attractive men who wanted the Orb Princess' hand. Too many men, too many candidates. In the past, Athrun had suspected that the Orb Parliament allowed those to be published to persuade the public that she was keen on fulfilling her duties, lest they accuse her of wanting to keep power entirely to herself. Now, he was cursing his carelessness. There were more reports of Marlin accompanying the Orb Princess to various functions than any other man. He should have seen the truth amidst the clever ruse the Orb Council of Elders had used. Hadn't the reporters taken photos of them looking closer than she had ever been with any other man? Hadn't her general tolerance towards those reports been something uncommon as compared to how strict she had been when the papers had suggested her being with other random candidates in the past? For that matter, hadn't Cagalli spoken of 'Jimmy' when she had been intoxicated at Rochester's estate? So many pieces were coming together now. She was looking at him quietly. "The Council of Elders must have released this piece of information because it is a crucial time for Orb now. Perhaps they are demanding that a new leader is elected in light of my disappearanceand perhaps this is to distract them from the issue at hand." "How like Orb." He said sarcastically. "Always so open and so trusting of the public's opinion towards its government." She shrugged. "The best way to do things isn't always necessarily the most morally correct way." His eyes darkened, and he reached forward, gripping her shoulders.

"Tell me if you love him." He demanded. "That is not the issue at hand." Cagalli said simply, quietly. "He is the most suitable person to fulfill my duties with. The elders chose him from all the others because he is the person Orb will benefit the most from. I am not adverse to him either." She stared up at him, and for once, he could not read her mind. She was reading his. He hated her then. He wanted to tell her how much she'd hurt him, how much he wanted to turn back time, but perhaps she already knew. Perhaps she was already using it against him. "Why wasn't I informed of this?" He said, a rage building up in him. "Why didn't you tell me? When you asked me for information, the night before we came back to The Isle, were you thinking of returning to him? When you told me that I meant something to you, were you lying to me so that I'd trust you and let you go back to Orb- to him?" His voice was growing louder and strained, and she knew that he had been baited. Cagalli drew in a breath, praying for the courage to lie to him and to save them both. Then she wrapped her arms around him and pulling him to her as they sank into her bed. She caught him by surprise, and she had hoped to pin him down, but his instincts were so honed that she was the one who found herself lying on her back. He stopped himself from crushing her with his weight, crouching above her, supporting his weight with his forearms and knees. She reached up to him and stroked his face with his hands, bringing him into a stunned silence. "Does it matter?" Cagalli said softly. "Does all this matter anymore? I'm here, aren't I? I can't return to him, can I?" There was something different about her now, he saw that immediately. He had lost control, but she had gained it. She was in a more submissive position, but she had the upper hand, and he was aware of it. She began to undo the top few buttons of his shirt and she placed her warm, throbbing lips to his cool neck and collarbone. Her hands wandered to the underside of his shirt as she pulled it loose, running her hands over his flesh to feel his abdomen. There was a recklessness in her as she stroked his cheek with her finger, and he was seized by an unbearable lust. "Will you hear my proposal now?" She said huskily. Her naturally mellow, alto

voice dipped in pitch, and he felt the air compress around him. "No," He said fitfully, pulling her hands away although he did not get off and away from her. There was a certain dominance in his position, and he would make full use of that to extract information. "I haven't finished asking." Her eyes surveyed him with a calm steadiness. He felt like she was mocking him, mocking the fact that he was so worked up over something he could not change. "How long have you been with Marlin?" He asked quietly. "As man and wife?" She looked at him confidently, only that she had never been a good liar with him, and the sultriness had a hint of uncertainty in her. He did not see the hesitation in her, however, for he was too intent on hearing her answer. "Two years now, although we haven't been officially married." Cagalli said. She manipulated her tone and expression now, telling Athrun him carelessly. "Still, we are to marry, and these plans have already been accepted by the Orb Royals, the Council of Elders and Marlin's own minders. Surely that warrants unfettered excess to each other?" She was lying to him about her engagement to Marlin because of two main reasons- she wanted to have some kind of information that he did not have. It would serve to her advantage. Secondly, she had wanted to gauge his reaction to her telling him that she had been with Marlin. Clearly, Athrun had been jealous. A jealous person could be easily goaded into wanting something it did not have yet even if had to trade it more than what was reasonable or fair. She was only setting up the stage for the moment when she told him of her proposal- and this time, she had information he did not and she was a step ahead of him. "Unfettered excess." He said numbly. "He must have had you already. Was that why you couldn't love me in return?" "No," Cagalli said tersely. "Until we are officially married, he keeps out of my affairs." "Affairs?" "Surely I don't have to explain myself any further?" She said wryly. "You were probably an experienced lover even when we first met." She ran her smooth hand to his collarbone and traced a finger down his chest, until he knocked her hand away.

"Tell me," He interrupted. "Tell me how you met him." Cagalli was prepared for this. She had thought of everything to say, everything she would tell him to lead him into her proposal. She looked at him directly, for that was the best way to lie. "We were acquaintances for some time, and then we were engaged in secret, with the blessings of our countries. The people have not been informed it yet. However, he visits the Atha Estate as frequently as he can." Despite every effort to prevent himself, Athrun thought of her, soft, welcoming body, imagining her panting and letting another man make love to her, one who had the right to touch her, to possess her and to hold her and watch her fall asleep. Athrun could imagine what it would be like for Britannia's Prime Minister- a man who wielded the power that Orb wanted its hands on. A man who like so many others, had become besotted with the Orb Princess and had the fortune of marrying her without realizing that she was already married to her country. And yet, Athrun understood why James Marlin had been willing to do all this- to visit his fiance in secret, to hide from the press, to subject himself to Orb's wishes, to align himself with the Orb Council of Elders' traditions and secrets. What for? Why, simply the chance to enter that estate, through the tall, iron gates and to knock on that door and be received by a woman like her! "As frequently as he can?" Athrun breathed. He was suffocating from his pain and the thought of her with another man. She stared at him, a trace of rebelliousness coming into the shape of her mouth. He reached his hand to her lips wildly, stroking her mouth, watching as she flinched. "Then that's just as good." He said impulsively. His expression grew stubborn and he began to smile, only that it was filled with a searing, wild misery. His hands found her shift, and swiftly, he untied the straps that held it in place. The cloth loosened in his hands although he did not continue to pull it completely loose. And she kept still, determined not to waver. This had been what she planned, she told herself firmly. There was no way to back out of it. "I'm going to show you that I need you more than Orb or Marlin ever will." He told her. There was an insane rage in his eyes that belied his true feelings, however. "If you've been with him, then it's all the better for me. You'll know that he was nothing because he only wanted you for your power.

"You underestimate me," She retorted, impassioned by her pride. "I may have married him as a trophy wife, but in no way am I one." "I know." Athrun said directly, surprising her. He smiled again, this time, a smile that sent a wave of want and electricity through her- an animal's smile that changed what she understood of him suddenly. "You don't love him, nor do you see him as your equal. It's precisely because I know, that I'm going to make love to you, not as someone who wants your power, but as someone who wants you." She felt a frisson of fear and desire run through her. Perhaps it was true, how she had never been able to love Marlin, because he was not a man who could make her forget Orb. Neither was he a man who she felt an emotional connection with- he was too handsome, too charming, too clever, too much of everything, too perfect. He had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and he would never understand how she struggled. He had never struggled in his life before. The man who was kissing her lips now, however, was something very different. This man had his scars, his flaws, a cruelty to him that ran in his blood despite his nature as one with a strong, fair heart. She lay there, responding to him, touching his face, running her hands over his shoulders, enjoying his warmth despite the situation and the deceit that sullied everything. She was pulling him into a trap, and he was falling for it. Yet, he was still dominating her, and she found that she was pleased by it. It showed from how she lay on the bed, how she allowed him to be above her, where he was clearly in power. It was exceedingly clear that he had the advantage of strength, cunning and information whereas she did not. But Cagalli had yet to make her proposal- and from the looks of it, he was actually playing along into her hands. That was all she needed to do for now; to lead him into agreeing to let her go. She watched numbly as he moved over her, letting his weight sink over her now, no longer consciously keeping away from her. His arms found hers as he pinned her down, although she did not struggle. With some surprise, he looked at her, and she shocked him even further by seizing his mouth with hers. But for Cagalli, it was what she had wanted for so long. Those white, perfect forearms felt as she had imagined- today, she would be able to touch him without hesitation. And her hands ran across those forearms, fingering the veins and tautness of the limbs that held her as well.

If only he wanted her, she thought miserably. If only he wanted her for being someone he loved, not because his pride had been hurt by her revealing that she had married someone else for power but refused to give in to their desires for the sake of keeping that same power. She folded her arms around Athrun, bringing them up to his shoulders and neck. Almost carelessly, he slid his hands up her sides, across the downy, bared back that her shift revealed, fingering the straps of the dress that did not sit on her shoulders but now hung off her arms. He pulled those down a little lower, and her neckline dipped even more. Any more, and her breasts would be visible. When they finally parted for the necessity of air, she was gasping slightly. His eyes were narrowed, that strange, oddly-beautiful half-smile lingering near his lips. "Was that your idea of a seduction?" It was obvious that he could seduce her without trying, whereas the opposite was true for her. But he held on firmly and crushed her towards him, daring her to disobey his will. His voice tickled her earlobe and she trembled. "Ah, but weren't you the one trying to seduce the Orb Princess?" She murmured. Her voice was rough, although she wasn't acting at all. "Surely, you don't want the people giving you orders to find us rolling around on the bed?" Athrun bared his teeth in a strange, ghoulish grin. It suited him- she thought dazedly, anything suited him. "If I had any less regard for duty and both our situations, I would have taken you to bed a long time ago." "Was your duty the real reason why you didn't, that night at Rochester's?" She asked, a little taken aback. "No." He said simply. He looked at her seriously for a moment, admitting more than he wanted to. "At that point, it was to heck with duty. You surprised me, actually. I always thought you would be too reserved- too pious, too careful of the implications of your status as the Orb Princess, to have a casual relationship with a man. I assumed that you weren't looking for a casual relationship actually. I couldn't bear the thought of bringing you to my bed and leaving you in the morning. But when I realised that all you wanted was a casual relationship to forget your pain, I knew I had to stop it." She was privately touched by this. "Even now," He said teasingly, brushing his lips against her shoulder, running his fingers along its smooth, spherical surface. "I never thought you

would want this- I assumed you were waiting for me to seduce you." "What makes you think I was waiting for you to seduce me?" She said impetuously. "Haven't you realized that it's the other way around this time?" He remained silent, although his eyes darkened. It was true- she was clearly teasing him, tempting him. But then, so was he. It occurred to him now, that they were testing each other with very dangerous tools of deception and desire. "Athrun," She said hesitantly, "You've had your answers. Now listen to my proposal." He looked at her with a hint of impatience, a desire in his face that made her realize how susceptible he was to her. With some guilt, she led him on, putting her finger near his bottom lip and stroking it until he yanked her hand away, holding it in his hand. "Why now?" He said directly, suspecting what was actually the truth. "Why don't we wait until we finish what has been going on for far too long?' She wanted to. She would have liked to be with him, to be his lover and to give him the happiness he deserved. But this was the only way to give them both their release, she thought painfully. This was the only way. So Cagalli looked at him and said simply, "But that's part of my proposal." He stared, not understanding. "I'll give you anything you want if you agree to release me from The Isle." His eyes widened suddenly. He saw that she was not struggling, he saw that there was a calmness in her eyes, the way he had seen people look while they had knelt and waited for their turn to be shot. She was an animal, a sacrifice- she was sacrificing herself, and he saw that she was making use of his feelings for her. At that point, it should have been enough. How dare she assume he could be bought over with her flesh, how dare she assume it was enough when he had given up nearly everything Athrun Zala had for her heart? He should have gotten away, left and locked the room until it was time to hand her over, whereby he would never see something that could destroy him ever again. But he gazed down at her and ran his hands across her abdomen, feeling the warmth of her flesh rise from beneath

the thin white muslin shift. He could not resist her. Her breasts were nearly visible, and a single yank of the material would reveal them if he wanted. Looking at her sent hives down his back, a need so great he nearly bit his lips. The last time he had had a woman had been far too long ago. The only woman he had ever wanted was now in front of him, and yet, there was a price to her. "Give me the information." She repeated. "I'll give you anything." He tested her now. "Even your body?" He looked at her, and she watched as his face lost its calm, measured nature and changed. There was a numb, cold anger about it, and he moved off as she sat up. "Will you not understand?" He said grimly. She had hurt him so many times- but this was the most agonizing. She had never wanted him- she had only been making use of him. He stood, massaging his temples. "You need only stay six months. No less. Your desperation provokes me- it sickens me." She stood as well, mute for a second, one second where she thought she would die from the hurt and the humiliation. But then she moved to him swiftly, her lips against his warm throat because she was not as tall as him and could not kiss him as easily as he could her. Her breasts were pressing against his chest, and he felt himself tighten. Against his will, he caressed her back, her smooth, white back that promised to be even silkier between the sheets of his bed and against the rough pads of his fingers. "You can say or think anything you like of m. But I'll do anything," Cagalli promised. Her voice was hoarse. She was begging. "Please. Just take what you want and let me go back to Orb." "You would even let me take you to bed?" He said darkly. "Are you so desperate for an early release from The Isle?" She drew in a deep breath, knowing what she had to do. Acquiescence was necessary for her to win this gamble and return. "I don't care. I need to go back to Orb as soon as I can. One night- you can do anything you want. And then let me go." "And what about your fiance?" Athrun asked sardonically. "I reckon that the Britannian Prime Minister wouldn't like to find that his wife-to-be became her captor's lover. I'd be hanged- you'd be reduced to a common whore. Of course, I'm assuming that you have to display a bloody sheet the morning after the wedding. But isn't it a valid

assumption? What else would get Orb its investments and more military power from Britannia?" He looked at her with contempt, taunting her. "No," She lied wildly. "I was experienced even before him." He looked at her with some surprise, and then a growing realization. This recklessness had probably been shown to others. Perhaps, Cagalli had been stripped her title and her responsibilities along with her clothes during the night, driven by her loneliness and yet, unable to love. Athrun was now thinking of how easily she had offered herself to him that night at Rochester's- how easily she had gotten tipsy. For Cagalli, she could see doubt in his eyes, and while she felt mortification at his thinking that she was easy, she knew it was necessary. "No." He said eventually. "I won't accept your proposal." "Why?" She said exasperatedly. He looked at her savagely, and she felt herself become defensive. Surely, her inexperience and ignorance was not so clear? She decided to push her lies further. "Perhaps you deem me unfit as a lover?" Cagalli said boldly. Her arms around his neck circled him tighter as she stared stubbornly at him. "Marlin did not think so. He told me otherwise, as the others have." Athrun stared at her, not really believing her. Unlike what she believed, he was not disgusted at what she was saying- but he was surprised, nonetheless. "Besides," Cagalli said softly, "There's only one way to prove that I can please a man, even one as experienced as you. If you accept my proposal-," "That's not the issue." He interrupted. He felt his anger and lust boiling like warm, feverish blood. The thought of her with another only because that man was of use to Orb, made him sick to the stomach. Now he found resentment springing in him. He wanted to have her more than ever, because he wanted to prove that she wanted him, that he mattered to her more than Orb ever would, and that he was the only man who he deserved her. At the same time, he didn't want to let her do this. If she didn't love him, nothing he did would change that. He

loved her even if she didn't love herself, and for that, he couldn't let her do this. So he looked at her coldly, unwinding her arms and going to sit by the bed, leaving her standing there. His voice was taut with unhappiness, but he did not know how to mask it. "Having you in my bed is not worth the information about the damn Isle, its whereabouts, its nature, every single thing about that wretched place. You're not worth the trouble. Your judgment was poor when it came to your own value." She stared at him, her eyes beginning to redden, and she bit her lips, trying not cry. She wondered what he would have thought of her if she hadn't lied to him and told him that she was an experienced lover. He would have been even less agreeable to considering the proposal. But he looked at her and suddenly, his eyes softened. "You're worth more than the information about this damned place." Cagalli took a step closer, hesitant. But she had also underestimated the extent of his need for her. In a fluid, forceful movement, Athrun pulled her closer to him, cradling her as she settled on his lap, not by choice, but by the force of his motion. And Athrun kissed her gently on her forehead. She strained up to him, tense with longing and she buried her face near his neck. Her hands splayed on his chest, and her breathing was in tandem with his. "Athrun, please, I want this-" He disentangled her roughly although he did not push her away. He could not find the strength to do so. "If you want to exchange something, I'm not the person you can gain anything from." "Why?" She said desperately. "I want nothing more of you." He said dully. "Nothing more that you can give." "Why do you say that?" She said in dismay. "Were you leading me on and making me believe that you wanted me?" He looked at her grimly. "I'm not capable of that when it comes to you, Cagalli. By now, if you haven't learnt that I don't merely want your body, then you disappoint me." "So you do want me then," She challenged. "Why don't you accept my proposal? If you just take it, you would

have gained something you never had. Why not then?" He shook his head, looking at her with sadness in his face. She could not bear it. "If you can't let me go back before the six months are up, why don't you give me the information that I want?" She pleaded, hoping for anything now. "I only need to know what Orb is doing now, what its situation is like now. Give it to me, because I cannot leave Orb with just that information. You risk little." This was untrue. He knew all the risks behind revealing that classified information. If the Eyes found about this- heck, if their superiors heard about this, he would be in a predicament that would cost him a great deal. "What will you exchange?" He said coldly. "Your body still?" "No," She said hoarsely, abruptly. If Athrun took her to bed, he would surely realize that she had never been touched by anyone else before. That was not so much of a problem- the problem was that she had lied to him and told him that she was experienced. In doing that, Cagalli believed that had made herself more desirable than she could ever be. If she slept with him, Athrun would mock her, surely, and he would realize that nobody had really wanted someone like her. If he took her to bed only once and let her leave right after that, she would leave with a shred of dignity yet. If she slept with him and had to face him for the rest of the time, she would die of the humiliation. She would have to face him every day for the rest of the months, with him aware that she was nothing but a faade in more ways than one. As the Orb Princess, she had failed. He would know that she had failed as a woman too. She could not allow him to see her fail in this aspect as well. "No." Cagalli said again. An obstinate, obtuse look was coming into her face. "Not unless you let me go back immediately after one night." "But that's impossible, since I won't let you return until six months are over. So what can you give then?" He said tauntingly. "Your wealth? Your military secrets?' "If you want those," She said helplessly. "I am willing." He laughed. He stood there and laughed, a bitter, quiet chuckle. His eyes were like cold chips in his face, and she saw cruelty in his expression. "You have nothing left, Cagalli. I already told you. You cannot trade

when there is nothing more of you that I want." "Half of me," She said abruptly, desperately. "You can have half of me if you will trade it for the information." His laughter died away and he looked at her. A strange expression lurked in him but she was too frantic, too flustered to understand what it was. So when he nodded slowly, she was too relieved to understand that pain and disappointment had filled him when she had pressed on, insulting his love by offering herself for information. Athrun stared at her and found a very pleasurable but somehow uncomfortable rush to his loins. But he hated her suddenly, hated himself for even loving her. He chuckled softly to disguise his disconcertment. "You are not a fool- I wouldn't have loved you if you had been that. Surely, you know the implications of what you are offering. Do you really want to play this game?" Cagalli nodded. "I'll give you what you want." In a matter of a moment and a quick push, he had forced her to lie on the bed, moving over her as he had previously, but this time locking her under him and snaking a hand to her waist, trailing it up to her chest. He peeled open her loosened shift, but did not reveal her breasts entirely, for that would have been agony for him. He slid a hand beneath the flap of cloth to cup her, watching how she flinched. His palm met not her bare flesh, but another layer of binding. He exhaled, the binding reminding him that he could not be impatient but had to take her slowly. "Then I want to touch you." Cagalli looked at him shyly, with some fear. In that sort lapse of focus, she had lost her nerve. It was all she could do to keep from pushing him away in fear that he would find out that no other man had come so close to her. "But-," She said in a small voice, "You already have. And you are now-," She blushed deeper and lowered her head while he smiled and shifted his hand to her cheek, stroking it. She was still sitting on his lap, and she could feel him stir, making her nervous but strangely excited. "Not properly," He whispered. "I have never touched you properly." He knew she was frightened, and suddenly, it did not disturb him but gave him pleasure to watch her discomfort. There was, after all, a very thin line between love and hatred.

"I want you to bare yourself for me. Completely. Let me see you." He told her. "I want to touch those and have you watch me, sober, awake, knowing that you were the one who gave, and I did not take without you giving." She bit her lips, unable to refuse now. "As long as you give me the information I want, that's fine." She said hesitantly. "I keep to my word." He said emphatically. "And in return, anything above your waist belongs to me now. You'll have dinner with me first, and then you'll prepare yourself and sleep in my room, in my bed from this night onwards." She shook her head with mute fear, and then stammered, "I didn't agree to that- I," He leaned towards her with a small, bitter smile that still sent a thrill up her body. "I can't detach half of you off and keep it with me, can I?" She was silent. She had promised him half of her, and she would have to keep to her word. It was becoming clear that he drove a hard bargain, but she could not refuse. "I suppose you'll be afraid to carry out your side of the deal now." He said, taunting her, still hurt by her and wanting to hurt her in return. "Someone as-pious and as selfrighteous as you, being by Athrun Zala's side. I am a fugitive, someone who the world has forgotten about but remembers only because of a lunatic father who sired him out of a need to answer to society. I am a man that Orb will never approve of, a man you can never approve of because Orb doesn't. But you'll be granting me favors, all by your own admission- the righteous Orb Princess who is to be married to one of the most powerful men in the world as part of her duties. Tell me, do you still want to play this game?" She realized that she was trembling. Her eyes pooled with tears even though she spoke rashly. "Consider it done."

tiny white pigeon orchids, illuminated by cinnamon-scented candles. But as Cagalli sat by the table, waiting for Athrun to arrive, she registered nothing of the sumptuous display. The maids had brought in the golden dress that she had never wanted to see again. It was as if Athrun were taunting her, reminding her that he had had enough of women to not really need one like her. It was a reminder of how she had offered herself to him that night at Rochester's, and how he had pushed her away. This evening, however, she was presented with a silk ribbon, a quail's egg ruby for her to wear around her neck. She had put everything on, understanding that he had ordered this and expected her obedience. This was some kind of elaborate ceremony, she thought tensely, this parody of a romantic meeting for lovers. It was poetic irony that she had spent so long preparing herself. Cagalli never taken particular care with her appearance for all the other suitors who would have given her the world if she had asked for it. But tonight, she had done everything in her power to make herself attractive for a man whom she could not afford to be attracted to. He would not give her back her world even if she begged for it- she would have to trick him into giving her information, little by little. So Cagalli had taken extra care with everything tonight- putting on a perfume that she would have never worn, making some effort to do up the long hair that reached almost half of her back now. It was now in an elegant twist and secured with diamond pins. She wore nothing on her face but a blood red for her lips. Cagalli wondered if she looked as stunning as Aaron had always insisted when she bothered at all. Perhaps, her best friend had only said all that out of obligation. Nothing she did could instill the confidence she wanted so badly tonight. When she heard him entering, she looked up, just in time to see the maids leave quietly. Her expression in the vanity mirror on the other side of the room was a frantic, harassed one, despite her overall appearance. Athrun, on the other hand, looked calm and collected, having taken a bath and appearing for dinner in a fresh set of clothes. He wore a plain white shirt, dark pants and no smile, no hint of warmth in him anymore. There was such casualness and ease to his demeanour that made his simple, crisp attire seem almost expensive and

Their dinner in her room was a tense affair. The maids brought in porcelain plates heaped with smoked meat and potatoes mashed into a cream. There were luscious peas and carrots lined around a snow-trout, and chocolate gateau with marzipan pearls in oyster shells for dessert. The flowers were set beautifully, even more luxuriant than the usual. All around her, there were sprays of vanilla dahlias and baby's breath with

more elaborate than anything Cagalli had put on. It was from this that Cagalli knew that he had, in no way, put in the effort that she had. In fact, he seemed to have put in none at all, as if he refused to. She felt more self-conscious than ever, feeling like he'd played her out by refusing to disguise the sordid nature of the night. In doing so, he had shamed her even more. She felt like a harlot, dressed-up, lips reddened, nails painted scarlet, lingerie under a dress she did not feel she could wear. And this was all for his sake, while he maintained his dignity, as if he had merely arrived from work and slotted in an hour of time for her, at her request, as if he was a paying customer she had somehow ended up falling for. And really, she thought desperately. This was probably the case. Athrun barely looked at her, merely nodding curtly to show his approval before looking elsewhere. And he set himself to the meal, taking his own time to enjoy it. Cagalli on the other hand, found no will to do anything, save stare at him. He ignored her throughout most of dinner and she could scarcely swallow anything. Her room looked sickeningly unfamiliar to her, and she was glad that she had not eaten anything. She watched as he ate calmly. There was veal, and he sliced it precisely, slowly, putting a small sliver into his mouth and chewing almost unnoticeably. He had beautiful manners, those of a cat, effortlessly dainty and naturally polished. But Cagalli was disconcerted by the way in which he ate; how he tasted the food, how he took sips of a deep burgundy wine, but seemed to find no joy in the meal. It occurred to her that every delicacy that existed might have been placed before him, but he would eat only unhurriedly, politely and delicately. Athrun did not seem to find enjoyment in the finery he had been having all this time- he seemed to eat with a kind of tolerance rather than gusto. And the man before her did not seem to be one who ate for pleasure, but for the greater purpose of sustaining himself. She thought of how he had looked at her when she had agreed to let him do what he wanted with her. There had been lust, an animal's drive, certainly, but not quite as much as bitterness, and sorrow. There was neither been greed and gluttony in the manner in which he ate, nor the way he had looked at her. There had only been an inevitability in his eyes, as if he knew that this had been coming all along.

So Cagalli found herself wondering if he would find pleasure in touching her at all. When he made love to a woman, she wondered, was he like a cat eating too? All immaculate, neat and very sparing, without much ado or any consideration for the environment or whoever who was before him? Throughout the course of his meal and her watching of him eat, the tension had developed into something Cagalli was very unfamiliar with. There had been something sensual, something almost quixotic about the way he ate, despite its mechanic patterns. He had used the utensils almost surgically, working through the range almost methodically, and she had noticed but not registered this. Without realising it, she had witnessed his feasting as she would a lion partake its meal, how it showed dominance over its prey. It both terrified and electrified her. For she had found herself wondering if he would consume her in such a manner, dominate both her will and body. Would he enjoy it and show it? When she was conscious of these thoughts, Cagalli blushed and lowered her head, not daring to look at him. Because she could not deny the thoughts about what he would do, Cagalli tried to remind herself that any gratification he might gain from her would be a coincidence rather than a conscious effort to please him on her part. Whether or not he found pleasure was besides the issue. Cagalli would not go out of her way to please him. After all, they had agreed to this because there were mutual benefits both could gainshe ought not to care about his feelings or the benefits he gained as long as she gained what she had set out to have. She would shut her eyes tightly throughout the ordeal she would eventually have to face later, and she would see nothing and feel nothing. But Cagalli's eyes wandered to his mouth and hands throughout the meal, the hands that smelt of clean soap, his mouth that bore witness to the anise, cinnamon and similar spices in his wine. He had a scented, sensual mouth that looked tender and soft, articulating words and pronouncing those beautifully. But it was also one that could be demanding, rough and even primitive. And she was embarrassed by how she was fascinated by his mouth. For she didn't understand how she could be so fixated on something so- so undeniably physical about the man seated before her. She lifted the goblet to her lips, not tasting but watching him. If she had tasted and registered, she would have

known that she had not been served wine on Athurn's orders. Cagalli did not have enough selfawareness to understand her own reaction to him. Since she had always distanced herself from the sensuality of human bodies, she could only make wild guesses as to how his body would feel against hers. Her guesses were ill-informed; thanks to her alienating herself from the conversations she had no experience to share of. But she was sure about one thing- she did not want Athrun to guess that she was guessing her way about. He would never see her as someone worthy of his attention ever again. The truth was that Cagalli knew very little about these things. What she understood of the things that pleased a man were all from Aaron- who was gay and probably not the best representation of a man's tastes. The other things that Cagalli knew about were all things she had listened rather unwillingly to. Some of her friends complained about their boyfriends periodically- from their lack of sensitivity and care, even their performances in bed. Cagalli did not like to hear about the emotional aspect of relationships, but she was even more eager to avoid hearing about the physical aspects. The idea of sex both frightened and fascinated her- she was awkward and unwilling to hear or talk about it, although she did imagine what the deed would eventually be like at times. She couldn't help noticing those around her seemed to be having lives of scandal and intrigue; even the secretary a floor below her office with the love-bites on her neck. Cagalli, on the other hand, wanted nothing of that. Granted, she had been attracted to plenty of men, but she always found a way to ignore or become immune to them. A tryst was out of the question, let alone a relationship- she did not want to entertain the idea of being involved with a man. When Marlin had proposed, it had been easy to dismiss him as another man who was being pushed around by his country or a man who was foolish enough to want her for power. Perhaps, her inexperience and immaturity in matters such as these only stemmed from her assumption that she simply wasn't attractive as a woman. As the Orb Princess, she was quite sure that she was attractive, only because Cagalli was convinced that men were attracted to power and a conquest that involved someone of her status.

But it seemed to her that no man would really love a woman like her beyond the fact that she was the Orb Princess. And therefore, she did not want to let any man close. Even flings were unthinkable- without saying this to anyone, without even any semblance of self-awareness, Cagalli had always assumed that any man to be allowed close was a man she had to love first. Nobody had imposed that rule on her- she herself wasn't even aware that there wasn't such a rule. She simply assumed that any man she slept with had to be one she loved. So now, she found herself in a terrible dilemma. It would have been foolish to lie and say that she wasn't attracted to him or that she didn't love him. But Cagalli was anxious to prevent him from discovering that she had never been touched. And that was why she couldn't let him take her to bed. He would realise that nobody really wanted her- and he would lose interest and care little for her. And so, she trembled as he drank the last of his wine, set his utensils neatly on the plate, and dabbed his lips with a snow napkin, his eyes fixed on her face. Her eyes gazed at him hesitantly. Her food was untouched, and his eyes lingered on it before moving to her face. "It's getting late." Athrun said finally. This was the first thing he had said since coming into her room. "Come. I want to sleep." His eyes studied her soberly, and she lifted her head, flinching. She wished he would look at her with something that she could hate him for, to think lowly of him for. But he gave her none of what she had expected from meeting so many men, and it confused her. She imagined that he would lead her out of her room, towards a corridor. There would be no signs of anyone anywhere, nobody to save her from him and herself. He had spoken to her of the Wing he kept for business and one for private matters, and she wondered if how many other women he had led to his bedroom. But when Athrun did not unlock the door, but led her to a wall at the far side of her room, she was surprised. The wall was one that she had never paid any attention to because it was curtained and there was apparently nothing there. But how wrong she had been! "What is that?" She said uncomfortably, staring at the surface he revelaed by lifting the curtain out of the way.

He looked at her mildly, as if he were amused by her question. And she understood why as he lifted the curtain and produced a small, iron key. In that moment, she understood. With someone like him, how could he not have his way of entering her room without coming from another passage? He had always used the main entrance, that was true. But her experience and time with Rune Estragon should have shown her his cunning and his ways of entrapping a person the way a spider did its prey. How could she have failed to suspect that a passageway existed here? His fingers traced an innocuous looking brick and he located a little opening that was almost invisible. He pushed the small key in, and the brick door slid open, a mosaic of cement and terracotta, grinding a bit noisily ad echoing into the tunnel before them. The door had been part of the wall before this, chameleon-like with its texture. And Cagalli she stared at the passageway that lighted up automatically. It was narrow, but adequate for a person to walk comfortably through it. Athrun took a step forward, leading the way, not looking at her. But he took her hand in his, guiding her in and shutting the door whereby it automatically locked. She would never return to that room. And his hand was warm around her cold one and she felt the heat and electricity of her body responding to him, despite her fear. But she held her head high, her face blank although she was sobbing inwardly. His aftershave filled her senses, and she felt strange and light, even though something was aching in her. She counted the steps. Cagalli knew then, that if he wanted to enter her chamber, all he had to do was to walk from his room to hers, through the passageway, and it would have been fewer than sixty steps. The thought filled her with a strange apprehension that somehow seemed like anticipation. Then he guided her through another door, into his room, and she stared, blinking blindly at the interior of his room, all while he locked the door they had previously entered. She stared, looking at how sparse his room was, how empty and devoid of a human touch it seemed. There was a lone window, far at the end of the large room, but she could see nothing through it with all the curtains drawn. The air was scented with musk and perhaps vanilla, but she could not tell. It seemed unlikely that anyone even stayed here.

It was all done in a deep maroon and sepia that should have made the atmosphere comfortable. But even with the lighted candles, the warm glow did not suffice in making the cold vanish. There were no flowers in his room, no homely touch despite the richness of materials and his clearly impeccable tastes. There were no books or things haphazardly thrown around- there was a basket of apples on a small, beautiful table, but there was nothing welcoming about it. A chaise lounge sat at one side of the room, but no picture hung above it. And Cagalli thought of a hotel room, furnished with lovely things that nobody would have any real attachment to it. It would be a place for temporary things, for time to simply pass, a place that was not worth remembering. And the thought of this made her distressed, despite her insistence that such a deal had nothing to do with feelings. "Athrun," She whispered, feeling like an intruder, "Is this your room?" Nothing in it looked as if it belonged to him. Not even the wardrobe, which was probably filled with his shirts and shoes and other things. Even the little writing desk had a pen that looked as if he did not use it. He looked at her directly. "Yes. But I do not come here often." "Oh-," She said, made strangely unhappy by gaining this new piece of knowledge. "I see. I thought-," But he silenced her by stepping behind her, closing his arms around her from behind, trapping her. It was obvious what he was telling her. He did not care to hear what she thought of the place, his room, him. He did not care. He wanted her to fulfill her side of the bargain now. And she caught a breath, shuddering, but without the repulse she had expected. His arms were cold at first, but then she realised that she was warming him and that the contact sustained a feedback, a loop of warmth between them. Her eyes darted around her, suddenly registering the fact that they were standing in the centre of the room, a four-poster far at the other side, a long, wide mirror hanging on the immediate wall they both faced. It was an ornate mirror, its frame a copper-tinged gold with spirals and vines like fingers on the glass perimeter. It was a beautiful mirror, but the glass seemed like icesharp and cruel. The mirror was foreign to her, as were the reflections of themselves. Granted, they'd had physical contact before, and she had sensed what he wanted from the contact. The mirror was only reminding her that this was just another moment.

But the sight of her being wrapped in his embrace had a new sensuality, a vision that had its totality, a sight that made her very aware of their bodies. She was viewing them now as a third party, looking at the man and woman entwined in the man's embrace, as if she wasn't the woman. It was altogether a new, dizzying intimacy that she was afraid to admit. At the same time, his arms and the familiarity of his embrace did not distract from the unfamiliar, hard glint in his eyes. She was looking at his eyes in the mirror, and those made her feel uneasy. How strange his eyes were! In this light, she thought those were hardly emerald- those resembled an amber, a yellow rather like hers, save that her eyes now seemed gold in this light. He was staring at her reflection, his hold and gaze equally possessive, and only the warmth of his body told her that he was human. He kissed her neck, and she trembled, feeling his hand snake to her waist and press her closer to him. She was frozen, rooted and petrified by their reflections; by how beautifully their forms were wrapped in each others'. Then his fingers located the buttons on her dress, and he began to undo those with a hand, the other hand still holding her by her waist, to him. He undid the buttons methodically, with precision and a cold calculation that made her very nervous. She shifted a little, although she held her chin high and proud. She would not cry out even if he struck her- why should his stroking her achieve a sound from her? His expression grew steely in the mirror, and he said softly, "Why don't you struggle against me or cry out?" In that instant, she was reminded of how he had eaten, how surgically he had divided his meal into portions that were consumed in slivers. He was not a man that ate for pleasure, she thought. He ate for sustenance. "Because you are a man of your word and I can assure you of mine as well." She said stiffly. "Good." He said simply, releasing the last of the buttons from their slots. The silk dress unfurled as it went past her waist, down to the ground, pooling near her ankles, and she trembled, sensing her vulnerability. And his arm slid across her waist once more, reclaiming her as his even as her outer skin was shed. And with a suppressed gasp, she saw and felt her dress unfolding, like butterfly wings parting, his hands aiding the material as it slid down from

her torso. And the mirror told her that he seemed to be peeling her out, exposing her as a bare, soft silkworm would be. She was without her cocoon of protection now, but she was covered by her remaining few garments still. The ruby around her neck weighed down like a terrible burden, bleeding light over her breasts- his mark on her. He looked into the mirror, watching her as they both looked at their reflections. Without hurry, with a gentleness that surprised her, he slid a hand to the upper-half of her breast, touching the partially exposed flesh with his fingertips. She trembled, frightened, as he inspected the way she had bound her breasts. He looked at the chemise she wore, noting how her breasts had been pressed together. While her waist was made even narrower and her form even more compact from it, her chest was bound with strips of white cloth she must have torn from somewhere. He recalled how he had taken her back to The Isle- watched as Mile Summon had changed her into an operating gown. The surgeon had been cursing as he had untied the bounds hurriedly- the way she had bound herself had increased the pressure on the wound and she was bleeding more quickly because of it. Athrun had not thought much of how she'd bounded her breasts- he had been frantic at that time, desperate as he watched Cagalli bleed. Now, he looked at her, frowning slightly. Being bound like this was not a matter of comfort- she had grown into this cast, this kind of containment since her physical maturing, and she had come to rely on this suppression as her defence, a denial of her womanhood and sensuality. He gazed at the mirror's reflection of her chest, noting how she was leaning against him unconsciously, weak with the slight suffocation. It was the first time he was seeing how uncomfortable her binds were. Slowly, he moved his hand across the cloth of her binds, finding knot that sat between her breasts. He undid it deftly, looking at her, daring her to refuse him. But she could not. He would not allow her to, and she knew she would not refuse him either. She breathed in suddenly, feeling the cloth expand and sag as he unwound the strips, letting those flutter to the floor like thin bandages. His eyes were focused on hers in the mirror, not on her body.

And this disconcerted her even more than if he had been staring at her bare chest and the thin red line that ran down its centre, an imperceptible wound of that bullet she had fired into herself, but a wound she still felt. She closed her eyes, unwilling to watch any more. But her body woke to his touch. And his fingers ran like water, moving over her mouth first, then smooth and flowing, down her neck, over her collarbone. She could not help it eventually- she opened her eyes and found him waiting, watching her still. Something in his face had changed again. It was no longer impassive and calm, it was filled with a fury and pain that made her shiver, although she could not move with how he was holding her. "Did you think," He whispered. "That trading half your body for information would be so simple? Did you think it would be enough for me?" She began to struggle, against him, misunderstanding him, thinking that he would enter her and he would realize that she was worth little to a man such as himself. Her nakedness suddenly more apparent than ever to her, her face ashen-white. "Don't- I don't want to-," "You misunderstand me." He answered simply, watching her as she struggled. He was not looking at the representation of Cagalli in the mirror, but the physical form he had captured in his hands now. "But then," He said ruefully, "Haven't you always?" He laughed suddenly, and it was a terrible laugh, filled with anguish and bitterness. "You're letting me touch you only because you think that this is purely for my physical gratification." She looked at his face in the mirror and felt something break in her. "No matter," He whispered. His eyes were filled with pain. "I'll have something of you still, even if I can't have your heart. And you'll give me what you promised, as you said you would." Cagalli was mesmerized by his eyeshow emerald they were, how they were ringed with a black rage and lust. "I'll show you what it's like to be touched by a man who wants you and not the power you represent." He said softly, his voice hoarse with need and hunger. She shivered, still locked in his arms. "He may have taught you to be the Orb Princess to her husband, but I'll teach you to be a woman to me."

Keeping one hand on her waist still, he ran his right hand to a white, silken breast, grabbing it and squeezing it hard. And she cried out with shock and pleasure as he ran his index and thumb up to meet at a tender, sensitive nipple, the pad of his thumb and his index compressing, clamping, teasing her roughly. She moaned and he softened his touch immediately, not wanting to hurt her. He experienced a jolt of pleasure within himself- the breast he held was full and pleasingly soft, trembling with sensation. As he raked his finger across her hardening, rose-pink nipple, he grinded his body against her back and simultaneously pressed her body to his chest, feeling his hardness strain against his pants and towards her soft body and against her rear. He cradled her against him this way, one hand keeping her there, the other touching her breast, his eyes watching them in the mirror. She keened against him, swaying slightly, purring, close to him now even without him pressing her close. The reflection showed how heavily she was leaning against him, how she had reached up, bringing an arm around his neck. Her hand was twining itself in his hair, one of his hands on her waist, the other cupping her breast. From the way he held her against him, her body pressed against his, she could feel him growing very hard, and she blushed, understanding the effect she had on him. She looked at the mirror, not really seeing, but watching. Was that really her? Who was that woman he held, the woman who moaned his name as he stroked and played with her breasts, his face buried near her shoulder as he bit into her? Who was that in the mirror, with her mouth and body was trembling so clearly, without any effort to hide the sensations she felt? She had been peeled away from everything she had known- the defences of her office, her house, Aaron, her government, her obligations to be the Orb Princess at all times, even her self-defences. The woman he cradled in his arms was already his in some immutable, unchangeable wayand she saw that she had become his. It sobered her in that split moment, and Cagalli was terrified. She saw in the mirror that he was fully-dressed, whereas she wore only her panties. And she saw that he had no trace of emotion, whereas pleasure had been clear on her face. He was in control over both of them, but she had lost her control. She was afraid and ashamed of how she was responding to his touch and how she'd allowed him to make her

feel so vulnerable both physically and emotionally. And she pushed him away and dropped to her knees, kneeling and stooping over, before the base of the full-length mirror now, covering her chest in shame. She bent into a foetal shape, panting with humiliation but the undeniable rush of adrenaline coursing through her blood. He said nothing, only watched from where he stood, as still as a statue. In the mirror, she saw that his eyes had nothing left of humaneness, and that the warmth of his eyes had long become shards of glass. His reflection loomed over her, and she watched in silent apprehension as he began to undo his shirt from where he stood behind her. Her breaths were loud and rasping in the room, as if she had run a long distance. He removed only his shirt and nothing else, folding it neatly, almost mechanically and setting it aside. It shamed her even though she did not know why, to see that her dress was a crushed pool of colour, but his shirt was a neat little white envelope of cloth. Then Athrun was kneeling down to her, blocking their wretched reflections only partially from her eyes. For their side profiles were still reflected by that mirror, and she huddled into an even tighter ball, as she had as a child, in the dark, afraid of the monsters beyond her bedroom door. His hands found their way into her hair and he smoothed it, freeing it of its binds as he had her chest, combing it out with his fingers, looking at the gold that slipped through his hands. It spilled over her shoulders, fine and light-coloured. Cagalli was his. He ran his hands through her long hair, like the king appraising the worth of Rumplestiltskin's woven gold. She had given herself to someone else. But he wanted her still. It made no difference who she had been with as long as she agreed to be with him. For Cagalli, she couldn't help thinking of the time when she had lost her speech, how he had sat with her every day, talking to her even when she couldn't respond, how he'd been so gentle. Would he be the same now? But Athrun ceased to comb her hair with his fingers. He had been long weary of treating her as he would a child. He did not want a child, a pure, immaculate goddess to worship and to adore, unlike Orb. He wanted a woman. He wanted her.

Now, he braided her hair roughly, gathering it with a clenched fist then twisting her hair, winding it around his fist. She cried out at the sudden action, afraid and sensing that the action had a rage in it that was almost cruel. And he deposited it over her shoulder, pressing his lips thirstily to a creamy, white shoulder, groping for her breasts. She covered her chest as best as she could with her hands, pushing his hands away, gasping as she struggled, her expression filled with misery. Even though she did not want to admit it, there were tears pooling in her eyes. So she kept chin tilted and defiant, although it took a great deal of will. He saw humiliation in her eyes, but there was a pride that she could not let go of. Despite his unwillingness to be as emotionally vulnerable in the same way that she was physically vulnerable, Athrun knew then, that he felt a great deal for her. She had pushed his hands away, and he had let them fall by his sides. But now, he brought one to her cheek and stroked it. "Don't be afraid of me." He said quietly. "I'm not going to hurt you. You promised me half of your body, and I'll take it. But no more than that. I keep to my word." Cagalli felt his hand moving down her shoulder, to her elbow, up her forearm which was pressed desperately to shield her chest. "Why don't you just take what you want and let me go back to Orb?" Her face was white and she stared at the sole garment he'd allowed her to keep on, the cloth covering her last shred of dignity. "Because I want you by my side." Athrun replied stoically. "So I won't take you fully because I'd have to let you go after that. So I won't." She looked at him reluctantly. But he mistook her silence for unwillingness. "Do you want to keep to your promise?" He said tonelessly. "If you don't, we'll call this deal off." She thought of the room, how any woman might have been allowed in here, how he might have spent his nights with women who could at least be of some value to him. If she lost her nerve now"No!" Her voice shook and rang in the stagnant air. "I want this!" He stroked her bottom lip with the tip of his finger, watching it tremble in her fear. "Then let me have what you promised me."

She felt his hands move hers away, pulling her forearms straight so they no longer covered her. Cagalli resisted, panicking. But then she stopped when she looked into his eyes. There was no hard cruelty there, and the flintiness and hollow emerald had become sadness. There was a dignity and something of a plea in those eyes. For him to touch her, he had to cast off all feelings for her. For her to let him touch her, she had to relinquish her own feelings for him. Otherwise, they could not be like this. She stared at his eyes in the mirror, not sure of herself or him any longer, and found herself suddenly looking at him as he shifted her head to face his. From then on, she was unable to see the reflections of both of them. She lost the ability to look at them both and judge them as a third part would. She saw only him, and anything that she saw of herself was the person reflected in his eyes. And from then on, she did not know if what they were doing was right or wrong, only that he made her feel what she had never before. For Athrun made her lie on her back, pushing her hair back so that it lay like a golden fan around her head, where it could not cover her chest. And he was pressing her down against the fur carpet very gently, and his weight moved above hers, raising himself to look directly at her. It felt comforting actually, this softness against her back, and how the weight of his lower body was grounding hers. She bit her lips, unsure of what to do, but found that his mouth was crushing hers, demanding and begging. His tongue slipped between her teeth, lightly, exploring the crevices of her mouth, and she found that she could not deny them both. So she found herself responding, kissing him back with a passion that surprised her. She pulled him down to her, his bare chest against hers, feeling his heart beat a rhythm different from hers. The material of his pants created a maddening sensation as it scrapped across her waist, highs and feet. He kissed her hungrily, so eagerly that he was sure that he was bruising her lips. But she was responding to him, moaning a little, her hands pressing into his back like claws, and he knew that he loved her desperately. He knew it was dangerous. She had convinced him that having half her body was worth letting her have the information. A day would come when she would offer him all of her if he would let her go back to Orb. And he wasn't sure he would be able to resist that offer, even if he had this time.

But for now, Athrun thought desperately, surely just a little of this wouldn't hurt? He'd stop taking if she wanted to return to Orb in exchange for what she was giving. But for now, all he wanted was to watch her breathe and fall asleep by his side. Surely, there wasn't anything dangerous or wrong about that? When he was sure that she was used to his presence, he shifted over. He laid on his side, watching her breathe, thinking of how beautiful she was, how utterly perfect and lovely she was. Those breasts had been bound every day, hidden them under coarse, rough material. She'd been ashamed of them, ashamed of the fact that she was a woman; ashamed that she was human and fallible, perhaps even more fallible as a woman. "Look at you," He murmured, shifting down so that his head level was near her collar bone. He ran a hand over the side of her chest. "Do you know how lovely you are?" She looked at him mutely, trembling. How could she tell him that she hated any sign of her womanhood? As she had grown, it was clear that many considered her as little more than another girl to be used as a pawn in the politics of the royal families. She had always known that people saw women as weak and beautiful women as mere ornaments. Even when she had been twelve, there had already been people looking at her, admiring her. She hated it. Cagalli knew that many, even the servants she barely knew, saw her as a child and nothing more than that. Because she was a girl, she would never lead. Because she was a girl, she would be worth little more than a kind of social butterfly, a trophy wife to further a man's political career and image. She had grown up this way; she had hated her face, her body. Cagalli hated the fact that she was female and that she would never be quite as equal to a man, to Yuna, and certainly not to her father. Now, Athrun, like so many she had met before, was telling her that she was beautiful. The difference was that her heat had beat a tattoo against her, for unlike what she had felt with the others, she wanted him to mean it. At the same time, the insecurity he could see in her eyes made Athrun realise that Cagalli had hidden her breasts, the clearest sign of feminity, to enter the men's world of politics and become an equal if not a superior to them. As a woman, the world would view her with the failings associated with the weaker gender. But as a woman without any overt feminity, as a woman

who was far removed from the earthiness of others, Cagalli had been elevated on a goddess' pedestal. She was a woman yes, but she was immune to men and she existed only for Orb's interests. This was the way Cagalli had survived in that world of hers. But surely, he thought, she must have known that there would come a day when her womanhood was inevitable and she could not hide what she was. He stared at her, watching her look at him shyly, a blush beneath her cheeks. This was the day. Athrun had no need for the Orb Princess, that pristine, glorious image of correctness and inaccessibility. He only had need for Cagalli, a Cagalli who would be a woman to him, a woman that he loved and a woman that loved in him return, a Cagalli who would be his woman. The thought of another man already having taken her made his innards burn with hatred and jealousy. He was filled with a heat and longing, an insane need to possess her even though he could not. Someone already had- and she did not allow him to either. In a frenzy of lust, he began to stroke her white breasts with his fingertips. He touched her with feather-light finger tips, stroking the sides of her breasts, their roundness, but not touching her nipples at all. If he touched the most sensitive points now, she would panic, and he did not want that. She looked at him, not resisting, but not really responding. But he was patient. Even as he stroked her, avoiding the most sensitive areas. She was comely, golden with a light sprinkling of the sun, fading as his eyes traveled to her shoulders and breasts, becoming all white and milky with breasts that had been locked under her suits, bound, soft like flower petals, never having seen the sun. Her lips had parted to reveal the pink tongue behind them, and he knew that her body was aching for him to touch her. She wondered how he had touched other women- surely, they had been more beautiful than her, surely, they had deserved this more than her. Despite her fear and the guilt of using him, she knew that she wanted him to touch her, to give her what she could have as a woman for once. He took both throbbing, rose-coloured nipples between his thumbs and indexes and squeezed those, making her gasp. Was this what it felt like, she thought dazedly, to be touched by a

man this way, this rush of adrenaline and tangy, tingling sensation that electrified all of her to the tips of her fingers? He was not being as gentle as much as teasing, more demanding now, and she found that she enjoyed his attentions even more. While he squeezed both her nipples simultaneously, she bucked, as if he had pulled her towards him by tugging a string attached to the area between her legs. A moan tore its way out of her, and she gasped. "Athrun," She pleaded embarrassedly, "Those are sensitive!" He only squeezed harder, causing new spikes of sensation to shoot into her whole body. He teased her harder, wantonly even, smiling a soft, sensuous smile that sent thrills of excitement down her spine and a tug of need to the apex of her thighs. "I know." She leaned back, writhing in gratification and struggling, though not against him. Her cries were building and he groaned suddenly, a hoarse, desperate sound, squeezing her vigorously with both hands, jamming her breasts together, forcing her nipples to meet and rub against each other. He watched her, feeling himself grow dangerously aroused- he would have to make sure that he did not lose control. The sensation was maddeningly goodshe cried out and parted her thighs, wrapping those around his waist, unconscious of what she was doing. He understood immediately, however. She keened, straining against him, and he smirked, knowing that she was past pretending to be immune to her own desire for him. "Athrun," She said, panting. Shyly, she averted her eyes from his hands, not daring to order him to please her, not daring to ask that she be pleased by someone like him. He looked at her with a question in his eyes, waiting for a prompt. "Show me," He said simply. Without understanding how she knew what she wanted him to do to, how she knew to address the heat building in her, she guided his head to her chest, stroking his cheek, watching him smirk. She blushed slightly, unable to say anything, but then he spared her and began to press his lips to her. And she gasped with pleasure as he ran his lips across a warm, throbbing nipple, then with the tip of his cool, wet tongue. Before she realised it, he had brought a nipple between his lips and teeth, his tongue swirling around it as his mouth latched onto her and applied a suction that made her cry out in her fever.

His other hand caressed the unoccupied nipple now, and the combination of the gentle teasing of his hand on one breast and his demanding, rough mouth on the other made her pant in earnest, her body subjected to two different sensations. She writhed, shaking and bucking, panting his name, and he suckled greedily, enjoying how she was writhing under him. She was wonderful, scented with honey and apricot, and he was sure that the milky texture of her flesh was testimony to what he tasted. Her animal cries aroused him, her body entwining his as it strained towards his above hers, her voice husky as she cried his name in her heat. Athrun could scarcely think as he touched her, tasting her and playing with her while she lay below him, her body splayed on the velvet and fur carpet. Her body was soft and small, but her breasts were surprisingly so much fuller and so much more sensitive than what he had expected or seen of any woman. He was filled with awe by how she was responding to him, cuddling him and accepting his touch. He smothered himself with her generous breasts while he took turns to address each one, devastated by them, by how wonderful they felt, bare and crushed against him. Her nipples were not soft rosebuds now, but pebbles of pink hard-boiled candy crowning soft, creamy peaks, throbbing and irresistable. He moaned while he touched her, losing his own control. He couldn't resist biting her in his eagerness, although he took care not to hurt her. And he lost himself to her cries, biting and caressing each nipple in turn. She was incredible, just as he had imagined when she had agreed to let him touch her. When he had finished with her, he saw how flushed with colour her lips and cheeks were, how her nipples appeared like ripe, swollen raspberries, throbbing and wet from his suckling. Any more could cause pain- she was so sensitive, he had to be careful. She was still moaning in the throes of her pleasure, quietly now, and her eyes were shut still. Then her eyes began to flutter open, and he stared straight into them, looking at the golden, almost molten texture. She was still trembling with sensation, and he knew that she had lost her initial fear of him and gained pleasure instead. Cagalli was not any other woman- she was the only woman that he loved. He had agreed to not love her, and if he tried to take things to far, she would be frightened and he would lose her.

He grabbed her chin, lifting it to his eyes while his free hand slid to her collarbone, tapping a finger on it. Then, still holding her chin so she had to look at him, he slid his other hand lower to her breast. She jolted, startled and electrified. He looked at her triumphantly, and she blushed, covering her breasts with her hands. But he struck them down, saying curtly, "You have nothing to be ashamed of." He looked at her again and felt another rush of blood to his loins- his pants felt unbearable against him, and he bit back a groan of utter suffering. He had shown her how he could make her want his touch- that was enough for now. The rest would fall in place. Athrun had made his own plans as well. Cagalli thought she had the upper hand, but he would prove her wrong. Each time he touched her, he thought now, it would be by her own permission. And each time he touched her, he would show her that it was not a matter of physical pleasure but she had an emotional bond to him. And one day, Athrun planned, she would give herself to him without wanting anything in return. He would not force her into giving herself. And one day, he thought wistfully, she would realize that she had only been fooling herself. But in the meantimeHe spoke, his voice soft now and commanding. "From now on, don't bind your breasts when you come here. Nothing above your waist either." She stared at him, not understanding. "I don't want you to deny what your are," He said quietly. "You've agreed to be my woman, and that's what you'll be to me." She hesitated, then nodded. She was already learning wasn't she? He thought of how she had responded to his touch. Although it was only the act of touching her breasts, she was already becoming aware of her sexuality and how she could please him. He would teach her how she could be a woman to him, a little by little, then until she was completely his. It didn't matter that Marlin had already taken her. Athrun didn't care- it didn't change what he felt for her. He decided then that no other man would have her here on The Isle, that no man would enter her mind except him from now on. She had pledged herself to him. He had planned to send her to Sheba's stronghold, to hide her away from all his enemies and even himself. But now, after agreeing to what she had suggested, after finding out what it meant to have her like this, he doubted

her would be capable of sending her away. He wanted to hold her, to have her fall asleep by his side like this. It was impossible to send her away now. He pulled her to her feet and led her into his bed, drawing the curtains of the four poster. She was stiff now, awkward and unable to look at him in the eye. But it didn't matter- he would make her his, little by little, slowly and surely. She laid next to him, her arms around him in what seemed like a hesitant manner, his mouth kissing hers and her neck to seal her to him. His voice was a murmur. "I'm not going to send you away." Cagalli felt her heart beat a little faster. "What?" He repeated himself, a bit impatiently, and she knew she had succeded wit hthe first step. As long as he did not send her away to someone else, she would be able to convince him to trade his information, and she would be familiar with this place and know how to escape. She felt him sigh quietly, and she heard him say softly, "Neither of us can afford to play another game like this." Cagalli looked at him quietly, not saying anything. If he knew that tonight had been the first step in a plan that would get her back to Orb, would he have held her so tenderly like this? Through the night, she held him, learning what it meant to be next to a breathing person, watching him sleep. But despite the tugging of her heart, there was a cold determination that had begun to root itself in her will. She would play this game. It was the only way to survive with him, to survive with herself, to leave him and The Isle and return to Orb. For now though, she would sleep by his side, absorbing his warmth, feeding him with her own, learning what it meant to be loved by a man like him. But throughout the night, she repeated to herself, silently; even while she fell asleep, that she would not love him back. Chapter 17 The next day, they set off for the hills. It had begun with the morning, when Athrun had awoken to feel a little cramp in his neck. It should have been an omen, but he didn't realise it then. Massaging a crick in his neck, he had yawned slightly, stretching and then

finding a warm mass curled next to him. He'd then tried to get off the bed while untangling himself, and proceeded to roll off with very little grace, landing on his, well- dignity. He'd stood up, stretching a little, smiling at how small and compact Cagalli looked with her arms around herself because she'd sensed the removal of warmth when he'd gotten out of bed. They'd talked late into the night, and they'd proceeded to drop asleep. The recollection of that had made him laugh a little to himself, and he looked at her. Cagalli had been sleeping very soundly, and there was something incredibly childlike about her posture and her expression. Admittedly, he had grown used to her presence at night in an incredibly short space of time. Her soft body enveloped around him, her breasts and abdomen a soft pillow, her arms and the sweet musk of her body blanketing himHe'd blinked blearily, then blanched. It struck him then that he had to be very careful. Then Athrun had left the room and moved down a passage. There was the work schedule he had to meet up with, but for now, a cup of strong tea or coffee was entirely necessary. Yawning a little more, he had wondered if he ought to call for Laplacia or Cartesia. But Athrun had considered the workload they had each day, and decided that if he couldn't get his sleep, then he was not about to deprive them of theirs. Yet, the pantry hadn't been as quiet as he had expected it to be. Now, Athrun stood, staring at his aides. Epstein was wearing a spare apron, and it was rather too small and rather too frilly. But in it, Epstein was just as competent as in his business suit. Athrun then blinked a few more times, but in surprise at the sight of his aides already hard at work preparing a rather marvellous looking midday meal. He couldn't have overslept, could he? Athrun squinted out the eastern window, seeing a pink glow. No, it was still early morning. "What's all this about?" Athrun said blearily. "Lunch, Master." Cartesia said blithely. She was slicing tomatoes with enough precision to make him wonder what

she was thinking about while she cut vegetables. "Yes, I can see that with the rather heavy-going wieners, but what I meant was that it's breakfast time." He said wryly. "Oh, we got breakfast ready too," Laplacia said, giving him a dazzling smile and gesturing to the freshlybaked strawberry tarts. "This is for you to take along. Miss Cagalli likes strawberries, so these will be nice." "What are you going on about?" Athrun raised an eyebrow, putting a hands on his hip in consternation. How was it, he wondered distractedly, that even the rather apathetic twins were so fond of Cagalli as to know what she liked and to go out of their way to make sure she got it? "You and Cagalli are going out today." Epstein said crisply, flipping an omelette expertly while Laplacia caught it marvellously with a plate. Athrun looked at his first aide, wondering if he was getting too old for all this nonsense about surprises. "Why wasn't I informed about this?" he groused, feeling irritable. He realised that he was still in crumpled clothes and bedroom slippers, and the sight of happy aides did nothing to make him happier. "You're going out!" Cartesia chimed. "And having a holiday!" "And who decided this?" Athrun said savagely, trying to make his fringe sit down as it bristled with the morning and his irritation. "Me!" Epstein sang. He cracked another egg and it broke and began to fry with an indignant sputter. Athrun felt like the egg understood him better than his aides at that point. "I decided that you both need a day off. We're sending you out for a leisurely morning walk and a nice picnic lunch," Epstein explained, patting a bagel shut, while it threatened to collapse with the sheer amount of ham, lettuce and whatnot under it. "I thought it would be the perfect way to help you make up with her after what happened yesterday." Athrun paused, finally understanding Epstein's motivations. Epstein had probably thought that Athrun was upset that Cagalli had disobeyed him and snuck to watch the aides training. "And pray," Athrun said drily, "What makes you think we need to make up?"

In fact, Athrun was only stopping short of asking how Epstein had the right to make this decision. Even in his grumpiest moments, Athrun refrained from being patronising, because it reminded him of that specific class of people he disliked with great enthusiasm. "Well, if you like her, you shouldn't quarrel or allow a fight to fester on." Epstein said blithely. He paused and mouthed at Athrun with a hand near his mouth, "Or you won't get any." Athrun just blinked, trying to decide if he should feel exasperated, touched, irritated, amused, or just plain confused. For the time being, confusion was gaining an upper hand. "And you thought I didn't need to be informed about this?" He inferred. "No!" Epstein replied in a tone so cheery that Athrun was certain it had to be illegal somewhere for anyone to be that perky at six in the morning. "We didn't want you to worry." "First things first." Athrun made a beeline to the cupboard where the tea was kept. There was the evil otherwise known as morning, and Athrun was in no mood to negotiate without conquering the morning first. Once he was situated with a scalding cup of strong, black tea between his hands, Athrun felt slightly more capable of approaching a day that apparently was already planned out for him. "What brought all this about, anyway? Surely not just the Orb Princess' appearance yesterday?" "Yes, actually." Cartesia said directly. "Epstein said you both weren't friends anymore because she disobeyed you and came to see us training." Laplacia said, smiling her fresh, trusting smile. Athrun looked at Epstein quizzically who only shrugged and said, "Isn't that true?" From what Epstein and the aides had last seen of them, why, yes, it certainly had that impression. But why, Athrun groused, did they have the right to interfere? "And as busy as you've all been, you and Miss Cagalli haven't had much in the way of time for proper courting," Cartesia chipped in, stuffing more things into the picnic basket. Athrun stared at her, a hand scrubbing the cliff of his face with a sigh. "And what makes you think we're courting?" "But the Orb Princess sleeps in your room-," Laplacia's mouth was promptly covered by a flustered Epstein, and Cartesia giggled, giving the game away.

Epstein's face was slightly red, and he had a rather guilty look on his face. Laplacia, her mouth covered by his palm, was still mouthing god-knowswhat conclusions she had reached from the information Epstein had provided. Athrun shrugged, although he felt distinctively embarrassed. Perhaps he shouldn't have implied that his captive was now his mistress to Epstein. Epstein, being as close to the twins as it were, would surely have confirmed curtained things with them. For the twins who were mere children, to be aware that Cagalli had moved into his bedroom- Athrun felt his ears going red, and was glad that his hair covered those. "It's a busy day," Athrun reminded Epstein pointedly. "Not a holiday." "Don't be such an old man. The Seventh Eye and I can handle that just fine," Epstein replied, beaming indecently at him. "I've already called him over." The last of Athrun's self-control vanished. "You did what?" Athrun sputtered. He set his cup down, cursing colourfully as he burnt his fingers a little. Then he remembered where he was, and looked guiltily at the twins, berating himself for having sworn in front of them. But they looked at him with evil little smiles, and he shuddered. So much for setting a good example for them when Epstein had been left in charge for most part. "He's coming soon.' Laplacia beamed. "And he's bringing Boarbaki." Athrun sprang out of the chair he had settled in, staring wildly around, expecting Tom to appear with a giant slobbering mass of fur."Alright, that's enough. Call them up and tell them not to come. We're not going anywhere-," "I just explained that you needed to take a holiday." Epstein said with that illegally cheerful grin. "No excuses now, sir. You've got to get out of this musty old manor for a while, so go enjoy the summer air and all of that." "How do you want me to have a break while the princess runs around in the open?" Athrun said through gritted teeth. "It's the hills I know, and there will still be more birds and wild creatures than humans even after we show up. But what if-," "She won't run away now," Cartesia piped up. "She's your girlfriend right?"

"She'll stay with you." Laplacia insisted, smiling mischievously. "And if you get her into a good mood, she might even let you-," Promptly and once again, Epstein's hand clasped itself around her mouth while she muffled something, her eyes staring at Athrun. Athrun looked at his aides in horror, and thanks to his control, managed not to colour to his face. His ears however, were burning. "Anyway," Epstein said hurriedly, letting go of Laplacia once he was sure she would not say anything that ought not to be said, "Go enjoy the day." And the twins winked at Athrun, too young to understand, but old enough to know a little and to imagine a lot. Athrun glared at them, exasperated, not knowing how to broach the subject or explain it. Epstein, apparently, had been telling them about embarrassing things about grownups that Athrun had long avoided broaching with his youngest aides. Athrun could teach them anything from rifles to arithmetic, but he sorely wanted to avoid the topic of birds and bees. Epstein, apparently, had taken this upon his own shoulders and informed the maids of what grownups did when they were both in the same bedroom. And yet, Athrun could not clarify what was really going on either. It was just as or even more awkward than giving his aides the impression that they currently had. So Athrun, realising that he could not argue with them, merely smiled tightly. Inwardly, he was making a silent entreaty to whoever might be listening that the house would at least still be standing when they arrived home. Tom had a talent for mayhem, specifically, creating mayhem. Athrun, on the other hand, preferred order and was an expert at getting people and things that way. "You know," Athrun said weakly to Epstein, "I don't want to go. And even if I did, I don't want the Seventh Eye around here." "Oh he won't be bored," Laplacia told them brightly. "He said he'd love to keep an eye on the house while Epstein did your work." Athrun felt his knees going weak. Tom he loved experimenting with fireworks, spray cans, chemicals and gunpowder he stole from Barnett- all

just to 'rough things up a little' and that beast BoarbakiHe imagined a wild, gambolling mess of curls and spray of slobber, a rough, wet tongue the size of a child's hand, getting in reach of everything, the garden being uprooted, his files being rippedOh god, Boarbaki. "I'm not going," Athrun insisted, squaring his shoulders and standing at his full height, which admittedly looked quite impressive as he glowered down at them. There was a horrible silence as the three of them paused and grinned at him. It was only then that Athrun realised how he had no say in this at all.

might have perceived the blue spot to be prey, moving in the midst of golden fields and flourishing barley. "Okay back there?" Athrun answered, because Cagalli didn't seem likely to. "Yes. Are we there yet?" "Not yet." Epstein said happily. "But soon, we will be." Cagalli was sitting at the extreme end of the seat, keeping very quiet. Athrun knew it was her lack of vision that made her feel vulnerable, but she'd have to wait it out. Comfortingly, he took her hand in his and felt her fingers tighten around his own. Then suddenly, the speeding car jerked to a halt, and the car tilted, enough for Cagalli to fall towards him, making a small sound of fear. He reached out instinctively, willing to catch her, but she righted herself even while the car was at a strange angle, and while doing so, she caught the wind out of him. Blindfolded, Cagalli addressed the car window with a muffled cry. "Sorry!" "It's okay," Athrun panted, short of breath from her vicious elbowing. They paused, the car stopping. When Epstein hurried to open their door and they got out, Athrun blinking in the sunlight, Cagalli still blindfolded, Epstein gave Athrun an unmistakeable wink. Perturbed, Athrun wondered if he ought to tell Epstein that they were not fighting. Even if they were, what Epstein had just staged would have been unlikely to create a make-up scenario. The wind was all around them, and they had scarcely any time to react before Epstein called out, "Fetch you in a bit!", threw some things out, and made a getaway. "Make sure Tom doesn't touch anything!" Athrun shouted at the retreating car. He wasn't sure if Epstein had heard him. The dust testified to the speed Epstein had drove off at, and it was thick enough to block even Athrun from hearing himself. Epstein too, was unlikely to have heard that warning. "Now," Athrun said sardonically, turning back to Cagalli, "Let's try and enjoy ourselves, shall we?" He heard her laugh a little, then smilingly, he took off the blindfold. She

blinked in the sunlight now. Then happily, Cagalli turned and stretched her arms out, feeling a breeze rush onto her skin and the sun's warmth flood over her. Athrun bent slightly, then stood, raising the picnic basket in his hand. The grasses blew long and gracefully in the constant winds, and the fields everywhere seemed to be a lush green carpet that they were components of. "There's probably water in here and more than enough food for lunch and snacks." He observed. "Or maybe just half an elephant." Cagalli chuckled, then looked back to bumpy gravel road they'd travelled on. Epstein's car was nowhere. Her expression grew concerned. "Are you sure we'll be okay alone like this?" "Yes," He said, trying to reassure himself too. She was dressed for a picnic, as was he. For once, Athrun had no say over his own clothes or hers, although he could not complain. The maids had laid out a rather comely, cream muslin blouse and skirt for her, an ensemble which bared her arms, though they'd supplied her a wide-brimmed, straw hat. From what he could see, Cagalli cared little for it. It bounced ungratefully on her back, secured around her neck with a string. He had his loose, off-white shirt untucked. The shirt-sleeves were rolled to his elbows, and his seldomworn jeans were brushing against the grass- after all, there wasn't anyone to bother with how less than formal attire. Clearly, the aides had taken everything upon themselves. Cagalli marched forward excitedly, then turned around to confirm that he was still behind did not occur to her that she wasn't going anywhere in particular, it only mattered that she continued to walk forward, somewhere, anywhere. "Come on! Come on!" He grinned, turning back to the endless fields. "We might as well." He said patiently, "There's nobody here in this place except us. Epstein won't be back untilwell, until he comes back." Athrun raised his head and looked around, then pointed up and far off. At least Epstein had dumped them in a place that was familiar to Athrun. "Do you want to try scaling that?" he asked, indicating the nearmountainous grassy hill that loomed over a small village.

An hour later, Athrun wondered how he had lost control over his aides. Other Eyes, he grumbled silently, would never have tolerated such behaviour. "And there's going to be good weather, even for two days straight, I've already checked." Epstein's voice was blithe enough for Athrun's irritation to be roused. He wondered if he ought to interrupt, but felt that that would be even more awkward. He snuck a look at Cagalli and saw that she looked visibly excited, even if half her face was blocked by a black scarf. When he'd re-entered the room and woken her up, she'd stirred and then opened her eyes, looking at him. In the light, he had noticed how pale she was, and how long she had gone without being in the sun. The gardens and stone tower could not satisfy someone like her. So Athrun had decided that she deserved to get out for a while. He'd whispered to her that he was bringing her somewhere, and he saw her eyes blink once and then light up. That was worth it, Athrun decided, never mind if Tom brought his motley crew and turned Athrun's manor upside down. At present, Cagalli sat next to him, trying to control her excitement. Her vision was blocked again, by the black scarf he'd tied around her head. Athrun sighed inwardly, regretting this but knowing there was no other way. They were in an inconspicuous looking car today. Technically, a normal, navycoloured car would not have attracted any attention, but its solitary state in a clearly rural scenery made it conspicuous. An eagle flying overhead

"Is that a dare?" Cagalli said mockhaughtily. "I'll have you know that I ran away to join a desert resistance at one point, you know." They both laughed. The world around them beckoned to be tasted, and he knew she could not resist. Slowly, surely, he was crushing her will to leave, and they both knew it. The subtle, constantly-changing hues of saturated greens rippled as a breeze caressed the grass, allowing a lighter contrast to the richer smatterings of green where coniferous groves dabbed at the upper slope. Further down to the base, however, trails of vivid orange, red, saffron and even suggestions of purple stood out as the deciduous trees flaunted their autumn attire. Cagalli studied it, feeling a little dubious. "Do you think we can actually make it up there?" "It's not far," Athrun considered, "We should reach the top just in time for lunch. If nothing else, we'll have worked up an appetite. We can make it back down here by dusk. " Now, Cagalli reached to the hat, putting it slowly to her head. And as she did, he came closer, putting down the picnic basket and helping her tie it securely. She lowered her head, her hands around the wide brim of the straw hat shading both of them, and without knowing it, he bent closer to claim her mouth. Her eyes fluttered shut and she willingly tilted her lips to his. She couldn't resist him, Cagalli thought. She just couldn't. And this, how close he was now, the earthy smell of his body, the traces of aftershave, spicy and warm in the heat, her own feelings for him. The kiss did not come as a demand, but it was slow, tentative and tender. This had been what he'd missed all this time, he realised. His unconscious efforts to avoid the memories of all those years ago when he'd first kissed her were discarded now. Courting, he thought for a split-second, allowing a small smile that she did not see. That took time. That took feelings, that took understanding her and himself. Had he ever bothered, even where Lacus was concerned? If one considered flowers as courting, then yes, he'd bothered because it only seemed right. But emotional engagement-wise, it had been obvious that they were too similar, too suited, too bored by each other's politeness.

He studied Cagalli, whose expression was now blocked by her hat. She had probably been embarrassed by the slow, tender kiss he'd given her, and Athrun realised she must have felt that crippling grip of familiarity that he'd felt to. He wondered what she was thinking as they began to tread through the fields. At the same time, Athrun wondered when he had ever wondered about what a woman thought. The wind whistled cheerily and Athrun's mood lifted. Courting eh? He would have to repay his aides. The scale up the hill was tiring, but they were sufficiently fit and enthusiastic to reach the summit. They made less progress over the next few hours even as the horizon swelled, showing them increasing angles of their surroundings. As they neared the summit, they passed by a small grove and she discovered what she thought was an old homestead. The fence's remnants sprang up from the untrimmed lawn here and there, overgrown with creeping plants and lianas with slightly fuzzy leaves and minute little white blossoms. The derelict, crumbled little house still stood, its red bricks faded, the roofs sagging with age and weathering. The front porch of the house allowed a tumultuous trek across jagged plank to the large hole where a door had once saluted its owner. In a few windows, tattered remnants of the previous curtains fluttered like moths, greyed with age and exposure, attracted to light, but unattractive in the light. Cagalli lingered on. "I wonder who used to live here." Athrun stopped walking, looking back at her, then to the house, or what she thought was a house. "They must have left for a less inaccessible place," he replied, shrugging slightly. He was keen to avoid that place at all costs. He knew who had lived there, and why it had become what they were seeing now. "I know." She walked closer. "Why'd they leave? It would have been a quaint living area." Turning back, she looked toward the view to make her point, admiring the view. "I don't know." He walked back to her side, although he was less than willing

to. "They could have died, or maybe they decided to live closer to town. Perhaps their only well dried up, or the yield was only enough for basic sustenance, or the winters were unbearable. Or it could have been for any one of a hundred other reasons." "Really?" Cagalli said curiously. "Perhaps nobody had ever lived in it." He said vaguely. He turned to move on, but she suddenly started and said loudly, "It was a church, wasn't it?" So she'd noticed the cross, tiny but noticeable, on the apex of the roof. His lips tightened and he shrugged. "Perhaps." "Don't you want to see what's in it?" She questioned curiously, already making as if to find the entrance and go in. Athrun caught her arm though. "What about the hike?" "Oh," She laughed. "Sorry. I get distracted easily, don't I?" They began to move uphill again. The stream was rather large, and it gurgle and leapt in its course. And it was very deep. If one got caught on the wrong end of the current, it would be difficult to ensure personal safety. The rocks didn't look comforting either. But in the sunlight, in such good weather, everything was simply picturesque. Besides, Athrun was walking some distance away from the river, away from its currents. Cagalli was too engrossed in her new surroundings to notice anything other than that the homestead was a church. She certainly did not notice how silent he was being as she whistled, for it dawned on her that she did not really know where she was going, and following him would be the best bet. Athrun, however, knew where this place was. He'd married Lyra here.

A hundred trees, three glimpses of deer, and twenty-minutes of Cagalli's excited chattering later, they'd reached the summit. "We're here." He said simply, setting the basket down as a dutiful wife might have, except that he did it with the ease of one who was in control of the world below him. And what a world it was!

It was difficult to tear her attention away from the valley below them. Individual trees, tiny by distance, bent and blended together like carefullyjuxtaposed paints on an artist's palette. The sheer abundance of orange and ruby shades, aligned with a treasuretrove of green tones from grassy plains made the occasional conifers look even deeper in the lowlands. "Do you like this place?" He asked, a small smile glimmering on his lips as he watched her. The offerings of fields and the winds sweeping far beneath them intensified the joy Cagalli had almost forgotten. Peeping through the saplings was the adjacent river, and the world below and beyond was silent save the birdsong and whistling breezes. "It's lovely up here," Cagalli said quietly. He looked at the awe on her face as she stared beneath them, and he chuckled. "Did you forget what it was like to see the seasons change?" Cagalli shook her head hesitantly. "Not exactly. I was thinking that it was spring when I was on the SS Rafael." His voice was sober. "It's almost the end of summer now. Autumn's coming." She was silent, staring into the distance, and he was worried that she was entertaining thoughts of running. Dressed as she was, she would not survive the night, let alone wolves if they were lurking around. But his fears were unfounded, for she turned and smiled wistfully at him. "I've actually never seen the seasons change before." Cagalli told him pensively. "The desert had its own kind of beauty, untameable and even cruel, but this-," She trailed off, sitting down. Then she began drawing her knees up to her chin, still staring at the scenery. "I'm glad I'm here today." They spread the food on the blanket. There was so much to eat and drink that it seemed like they would gorge themselves to death. Bagels with fresh tomatoes and chicken, cream cheese, iced cucumbers, pickled greens, a butter cake with a dash of rum, beef slices with honey dressing, fairy cookies with white icingThey fell upon the food. Athrun watched as Cagalli set herself to it, and laughing at her clear enjoyment, began to tuck in too. And thus, he began eating with gusto that surprised her. Cagalli asked inquisitively, "Is the food better up here than in the house?" He nodded, busy with a bagel. She grinned, enjoying his satisfaction with the food as much as the food itself.

By the time they were full, Athrun was groaning. "I'm going to explode." She exclaimed, sitting up a little straighter and beginning to rummage for the paints and canvas that had been packed in. "I'm exploding first." He said with some difficulty, feeling strangely heavy. "Look- you can get up and get your paints, but here I am-," He groaned. Cagalli was already sprawled on the large blanket, dissolving some of the paints with water from her tumbler. Her fingers were wrapped around a fine brush, and she was dabbing quickly, almost carelessly. Athrun knew that she was relaxed, so relaxed that she could paint in front of him like this. And he felt joy enter his veins, a quiet pleasure entering him insidiously. As he watched her contentedly, she began painting, letting little specks of orange dot against the green of the fields. The spontaneity and energy she transferred was astounding to watch, especially when he considered that she had no formal training. Or perhaps, this was precisely why she could do this without a care or rule in her head. If he was careless, he would become too relaxed around her, Athrun reminded himself. But for now- just for now, he wanted that. He leaned over her shoulder, smiling as he heard her chuckle and then frown as she tried to regain concentration. Already, the painting looked like a collage of powdered jewels, vivid in her depiction and not an exact copy of the landscape. He admired it, although he did not say anything to make her embarrassed. Athrun knew she was exactly the sort who would feel pressured and stop the minute anyone told her she was doing great. As a child, she had not thrived on that kind of attention. When she had finished, she washed the brushes with some stored water, and place the mat aside with the small square of canvas to dry. Those dried relatively quickly, and he sprawled out on the large blanket, extending one arm perpendicular to the rest of his body, inviting her into his embrace. She hesitated, but set the things aside and meekly, like a wary cat, approached him on all fours, and then laid stiffly near him, accepting his arm as a neck-rest. He smiled reassuringly, and she shifted a little nearer to him. Then they lay on their backs, facing the skies above them, her head on his shoulder and his arm around her in a protective circle.

There was something natural about this, something that belonged to the world around them. It had started with her pointing to one cloud that looked a bit like a goat, and he had rolled to lie at the angle she faced to see it. She'd shifted her head to point better, and she'd ended up laying her head on his shoulder. It was clear that she wanted to have him hold her, to treat her like she belonged to him. They lay in a lazy, comforting silence until Cagalli spoke. "May I ask something?" she whispered. "Go ahead." Cagalli hesitated. "Did you come to the Isle willingly?" Beyond them, the golden spearheads beckoned in the breeze, and the shade of the trees dappled their bodies with light and shadows. Athrun, she could tell, was thinking of how to say something. And Athrun quirked a tiny smile, despite the tension in his body. "That doesn't matter now." Instead of setting her at ease, Cagalli became more agitated. She shifted, raising herself partially to look at him. "You've been here for nearly seven years now. There are so many others you might have had, even now. Why do you want me then?," She looked miserable, "Are you trying to take revenge for how I treated you?" Athrun's expression grew serious. "I never meant for us to grow close, Cagalli. I tried to prevent that. But it's true that we ended up like this even though those years passed. And it's true that I feel safe around you and want you to think that of me too." "You feel safe around me?" she echoed softly. "You won't betray me," he replied, stroking her long, golden hair idly. "Trust isn't something I think of anymore. In the course of these seven years, I trusted very few people." "But Athrun," She said wildly, "I've made use of you so many times, and escape from the manor- even this-," She gazed around. "If I tried to escape-," "You won't do that anymore." He said decisively. "You would never do that, because we understand each other now." Biting her lips, she looked down, nodding. It was true. The thought had certainly crossed her mind, except that she realised it was quite impossible

since Epstein had needed a car to get here. Besides, she had no way of knowing where to go. Moreover, Athrun was here, and she instinctively wanted to stay by his side. His eyes met hers. "I don't want anything anymore except peace for the rest of this time. That's all I've wanted for a very long time. With you, I have that. I want to feel the way I do around you as the person I am with you. I'm happy enough as it is." "How can you say that?" She asked sadly. "You only have me here because you brought me here in the first place. You know I'd never leave Orb to come here and find you if you hadn't brought me." He reflected on this, then pulled her down to him again. "That's true. But I still have you here don't I? It doesn't matter why or how that came to be. I've never been happier in a long time. So please-," Athrun gazed at her. "Stay." His arms came around her, holding her close, and she bent into his arms, nodding. He'd ordered her not to escape before, but now he was ordering her to stay. He was pleading with her. And in that moment, she truly believed that he'd brought her here for his own reasons, no matter whose instructions he'd been acting on in the first place. Athrun had always hinted of it, and now she wanted to believe him- that he'd wanted her here in the first place; that he wanted her to be with him. "I'm afraid of so many things, Athrun," she admitted, her face buried against his neck. "I'm scared I need you more than I realise or know, and I'm scared to think of the future." His fingers gently caressed her cheek. He could have said the same. Her next words mirrored his thoughts, and he knew how similar they really were in their fears. "I don't know what's happening around us, the world, even us. You were supposed to be gone, and I was supposed to be stronger than this, strong enough to not need anyone anymore." Cagalli muttered. "And now I'm here, and I'm dependent on you for protection, against things I don't even know about, things you won't let me know about. How did that happen? Now, I don't even know what to expect." He didn't know how to allay her fears, because those were his own. Gently, Athrun craned his neck around Cagalli's, nuzzling her, and carefully retracted his arm so they could face each other. "I don't want you to think of all that anymore for the time we have left."

"This feels right," she whispered. "But I don't know anymore." He smiled, closing his eyes as he wrapped arms around her. "Then you'll have to make do with what you know. When someone held you like this, you felt safe, didn't you?" "You're the only one who's held me like this for so long." Cagalli confided to him, trying to tell him what she really meant. "Then they were fools." Athrun said quietly. He was stoking her hair very gently, almost imperceptibly. Lulled by the soft cries of the wind that fanned her hair and across her face, protected by the warmth of his body, she fell asleep, amidst the green and golden grasses and beckoning barley.

Quite awake by now, Cagalli got up and picked up the basket at the same time, staring at him. "Should we try running down? We'll make better time," Cagalli asked around the basket handle, raising her voice to be heard over the increasing wind. Athrun looked around, hesitating, and then shook his head. "Not in this wind and rain. Let's try to get to that place you found. Here-," He grabbed the blanket and threw it over their heads. "Better have some shelter than none." Both of them kept under the cloth, moving down the slope with great care, trying their best to ignore the strong gusts. While neither of them were likely get blown away, the wind increased the difficulty of navigating through the thundering rain, and slippery footing daunted their efforts. "Let's get to the church," She heard Athrun shout. "Before the storm gets worse!" And finally spotted the hulking shape of the ruined structure before them, and with relief, made their way into the church. As they threw open the door and stumbled through, Cagalli heard a crash of thunder, rather like a piano being thrown down the stairs. She turned around, staring the sky. Then lightning darted as a gold dragon in the sky for a second, making her flinch but nothing untoward happened. Closing what she could of the ruined door quickly, she turned around to face Athrun. With gratefulness, Cagalli suddenly realised that the tiny cross was functioning as a lightning-conductor, and she grinned at Athrun, who was standing near the empty fire place and shivering obviously. They were both drenched to the bone, and even the door she'd slammed shut was in a sorry state. The wind that blasted in made her wince, and she glanced around and saw that the remaining furniture looked like mossy boulders with the vines entangled around them. Exhausted, Cagalli moved to Athrun, feeling bruised and sore, and took his hand. Smiling reassuringly, he bid her to sit, and they eventually stretched out on the wooden floor, gazing at each other. "Are you alright?" Athrun asked her in concern. She grinned and nodded.

Cagalli was suddenly aware that Athrun was shaking her. "Cagalli." His voice was urgent, and his arm had left her body, making her whimper at the loss of warmth as cold air rolled over her bare arms. "Wake up. There's a storm approaching." She cracked open her eyes and sat up slowly, sleepy and trying to cling to him like a koala bear. Athrun chuckled, despite his anxiousness, and kissed her cheek to placate her. "We've got to find shelter before it rains." He told her. Slightly more awake now, she stood up, as he had, although without the vital urgency he had displayed. He rolled up the large picnic blanket, stuffing it into the slightly less field basket, and took her hand in his. "What's the matter?" She yawned, rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand. "Only a little drizzle-," "I hardly think so." Athrun replied. "When it rains around here, it's often a storm. There're too many trees around here, too much risk of lightning. Come on, we've got to get back- maybe Epstein's waiting for us already." With some irritation, he realised that Epstein had confiscated his cell. Worse still, the rumbling thunder was an ominous sign. The skies had become a very different colour altogether, and the wind was gathering. Hadn't Epstein assured him of good weather? As if to mock him, the faint drizzle split into an open shower. "Cagalli! We've got to go!" Athrun pulled her hand urgently, hoping that she was in a clearer state.

Cagalli reached out and laid a shivering hand on his cheek. "Thank goodness we're in here." "Your teeth are chattering," He said in realisation. While he had been halfsubmerged in the water, she had been soaked in it thoroughly. Either way, they were both going to catch a chill, but Cagalli would catch it first. "No I'm not," She retorted, and realised that her teeth were doing the talking. She blushed, although he saw that her lips were pale. Getting up, Athrun took the picnic blanket and wringed it with as much force as he could muster, forcing her to sit up and swathing her in it. "Not the best of options," He said regretfully, "But it'll have to do for now. At least the worst of wind won't get at you. " She looked stubbornly at him. "You should take it." He shook his head. "You saved my life, remember?" "Besides," Athrun added wryly, "I can handle the cold a lot better than youyou live in a sunny, sunny Orb." "We've got seasons too," She retorted, except that her teeth distorted her words. "Except that they are all moderated by the seas surround Orb." He reminded her. "But this place is quite far inland, even though we are surrounded by seas too. This place is susceptible to the best and worst of weather, which I doubt you're used to." "What about you?" She retorted. Athrun laughed. "Don't worry about me, I've been through crappier cold than this." "Okay," Cagalli said gratefully, gripping the blanket. It was still a little damp, and her clothes seemed heavy with water but too thin for the cold at the same time. He seemed to realise that the dampish blanket did her little good, and got up. Athrun stalked over to the fireplace, looking up the chimney and examining it before scouting around the sizeable room. There was a brass alter with candlesticks, though that would do them little good. He fumbled around, looking for something, and held up a box of matches triumphantly. "The floorboards here are already goners. They're dry enough." Reaching down, he yanked the edge of one and brought his heel down at the other end to break it loose.

When Athrun was satisfied that he had enough to get a decent blaze going for a few hours, he turned back to the fireplace. If they ran out of firewood, then, wellHe gazed back to the rest of the floor, deciding that he would uproot the whole floor if he had to. Then striking a match, he threw it into the stone fire place and dropped tossed the wood in stepping back. Meanwhile, Cagalli forced herself to pay attention to what he was doing to fight off the increasingly sluggish feeling that was conquering her. Athrun stood for a while, taking care that only the wood on the other side of the hearth would ignite. With even more obvious caution, he lit another match, this time for the candles, heating the room a little as well. "Come here and get some warmth." Athrun glanced back as Cagalli struggled to make her cold-numbed legs function. She moved closer to the fireplace while he took the wet blanket and lay it down on the hot rocks of the hearth, though away from the fireplace to avoid the errant spark. "Lie here for a bit. The hearth should heat you up a little." So Cagalli gratefully lay down, facing the flames and curling up into a huddled ball, trying to conserve her body temperature. She heard Athrun move away, and heard the articulation of wood breaking and fracturing, punctuated occasionally by loud clattering complaints as they were tossed into a pile. Beyond this, the storm raged overhead, and the thunder shook the woebegone building incessantly. The erratic lighting made the place light up in strange coloured indigos and violets. Cagalli closed her eyes, concentrating on the steady glow of firelight. She hadn't even been aware she had dozed off for a few minutes until she felt Athrun shaking her into consciousness, and she struggled through the thick quagmire of stupor. "Get undressed." he said, and his eyes were worried. She shot awake immediately, and coloured deeply. She saw he had removed his shirt at some point, and it was hanging on a piece of timber propped up by the fire to dry. He did not notice her embarrassment, however. "Sit up."

Cagalli muttered in protest, but he wasn't having any of it, sliding his hands under her arms, gripping her sides, pulling her to sit up. The fire seemed a bit stronger, because the rocks had taken on a brief red glow. Blearily, she felt his arms lift, along with her blouse, and she was too drowsy to say anything, though she vaguely recalled embarrassment then. Her skirt soon followed, and a warmer cloth was being rubbed over her hair, face and arms, then legs. She was too sleepy to realise that it was the blanket that had been warmed on the stones. Lying down again quickly, unconsciously tending towards the heat of the fire, Cagalli sighed in pleased relief at the moist sensation filtering up from the hearth. Athrun lay down behind her, spooning his body against hers, draping his arm over her stomach and holding her close. His hair, like hers, was still a little wet, but at least their bodies were drier and warmer now. He had removed his clothes as well, and the warmth circulating between their bare flesh made her feel comforted, as did the cheerfully crackling fire. And Cagalli carefully rolled over onto her other side, facing Athrun with her back to the fire. With her eyes shut, she snuggled closer, nuzzling his bare chest, liking the sensation of his arms around her. "You're warm," she mumbled, her words slurred by her tiredness. "Feeling better?" he asked softly, and his breath was a mist against her ear. The tiny clouds were thick enough for her to insert captions into them, she thought with a giggle. "Much more." Cagalli admitted. "Also because we're here and alive after surviving that screwy bout of weather." That prompted a chuckle that she felt more than heard. The sound was rumbling like the thunder above their heads, but this one low in his chest. "I'll say." "The storm's not so bad. A bit cold, but not too bad." She hugged him tighter, her arms shifting around his back and waist now. "Can you hug me tighter too? I want more warmth." He did, and she shifted a little, brining her knees up to his warm abdomen. Her voice was sheepish. "Can you take off your pants, please?" He raised his eyebrows. "What?" She buried her head in the crook of his neck to hide her face, muttering hastily, "Don't get the wrong idea. It's just that cold and wet shorts are uncomfortable to be near to. Besides, I wouldn't have to rely on this weather if I wanted you to undress."

He laughed, teasing her. "Is this what they say about convent girls? All posh and innocent, and then underneath, really wild and crazy?" "Hey!" Cagalli protested. "I was a good convent girl! And it didn't teach me anything I didn't already know about!" He considered this, then grinned boyishly, surprising her. When had he looked so vulnerable and unsecretive? "Well, we'll agree to be proper and fair then. I'll undress fully, and we'll behave as responsible adults should." "Fine." She said after a pause and a deepening blush. He stood, gently pushing her off him, and she sat up sluggishly, bringing her arms around his midriff. Then slowly, she slipped her hands to his shorts to tug them down, and he moved out of his last garment, averting her eyes even when the blush on her cheeks was clear. "Are you actually embarrassed?" Athrun asked wryly. She coloured again. "It's not like we haven't seen each other naked before, so stop it." Chuckling, he sat slowly, facing her as he stroked her cheek lovingly, and she closed her eyes, smiling back at him. Then Athrun laid down as he joined her, moving their clothes a little nearer to the fire to dry faster. Cagalli leaned closer, tenderly grazing her lips against his. Suddenly, she was too shy to bring herself closer to him when they were so entirely naked. There was something different about this, something different about how they'd touched in the past. That hadn't felt wrong then, but it hadn't felt quite right either, even if it had felt distinctively pleasant. Now there was something honest about them, a certain aspect of their relationship that had changed again. She kissed him, a strange sense of urgency uncoiling within her, fuelled by the adrenaline and storm. The erratic crashes of sound beyond and above them made the sense of danger invade the atmosphere, and she felt as if their lives were but momentary and their desires unfulfilled for too long. Perhaps this was the time to change that. A low moan escaped her as their lips parted, the kiss deepening, his tongue invading her mouth to brush against her own in possessiveness. Then wilfully and in the heat of the moment, she slipped a hand to his firm

thighs and brushed her hand against him as he groaned into the kiss. Then teasingly, she brought the hand to his shoulder and settled against him, feeling him grow against her thighs. He murmured her name and laid his mouth on her neck, biting the point where her nerves seemed to agglomerate. In retaliation for teasing him, he reached to her breasts and ran his hands across them. "Hey!" She exclaimed. "I thought you said we'd behave properly!" "You started it." Athrun told her huskily. "You had to go and do that first." Almost desperately, she clung to him, her fingers tightening against his warm, now slightly feverish skin, matching their greedy kisses with her own hunger. She felt light-headed, exploring his mouth, and the erratic drumming of the rain and thunder pattered and was reduced to one of sensation and fire. The primacy of the elements and their desire was well-matched, and she knew that the kiss was becoming more urgent. Cagalli wasn't certain when they had moved, for she was now on her back, his arms under her, supporting the back of her head. Her heart pounded in an unsteady, erratic rhythm as Athrun's lips left hers, leaving a trail of searing kisses down her neck, kisses that were both sweet and slightly uncomfortable, making her squirm. "When will you marry Marlin?" He asked abruptly, although not unkindly. She slid her arms around him, her fingers trailing against his back, tracing up his spine and the rigid bone beneath his skin. Nervously, she stared at him. "Soon. By my next birthday." "And you must bear him a child." He murmured. "That's why Lady Sahaku eventually abdicated." She said in a low voice. "She was proven barren even before she rejected the marriage clause. Of course, she was too broken-hearted by her twin's death to continue the reign of Orb." "And Lord Uzumi?" "Well, he adopted me, didn't he?" She muttered. "What are you planning to do?" He asked hesitantly.

"I'll adopt a child like my father did, and hope that my people will accept that." She said bracingly. Suddenly, she was revealing her innermost thoughts to this man, without even clarifying them to herself in the first place. Closing her eyes, she felt him run his hands over her abdomen and rest on her hips. "I'll find something I can do so that I can have Orb." "But if you marry Marlin," He said pensively, "You won't need to do that. Or any other man, for that matter." She laughed nervously. "Ah- you reminded me of that." She had been so close to giving herself away. "Supposing," Athrun said quietly, "You had already given your hand to someone other than Marlin. Supposing, you'd fulfilled your obligations by the time you returned-," "That's ridiculous!" Cagalli said brashly. "Impossible!" Something flashed in his eyes. "But it is possible. In Plant, we are still engaged. You were mine even before you agreed to marry Yuuna- even before you agreed to marry Marlin." "How?" She said in a hushed voice, not daring to believe him. "Dullindal arranged for it when I returned to Plant." Athrun told her simply. "Did you think I left you in Orb merely for a war my father left behind? No. I thought I was fighting our own war too. Dullindal promised me support for our marriage when I went back there. Using his power, he approved of our to-be-marriage in Plant. He kept his word- even he." Cagalli bit her lips."But I didn't. Is this your way of punishing me, Athrun? Is this the way you wanted me to feel when you brought me here? And now you tell me of what could have been in the past- the plans we might have carried through-," He studied her. Cagalli only understoof a tiny fraction of his real plans, and he decided that he would not burden her anymore than he already had. If only she knew what she was part of- if only Cagalli knew how improtant she really was in Plant and Zaft's plans! But he would not tell her. If she thought he'd brought her here for his personal reasons, he'd let her think so. That way, she was less likely to try and escape, and that way, she'd be safer. "In a way, yes. But revenge or duty doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Athrun said. She put her arms around him, kissing him lightly. "No. This does."

He smiled softly, stroking her cheek. Let her think what she likes, Athurn decided. No matter what, he had been warned to keep her here until the six months were over. If she thought she was obliged to stay because of how close they were becoming, then he'd go along with that. He began to kiss her neck, and she arched to him. Cagalli writhed slightly on the blanket he'd laid under them, her body moving almost on its own accord, responding to the heat as she nuzzled against his damp hair, kissing his cheek and forehead. He wanted to take her, Athrun knew, but suddenly, the guilt he bore within him grew too much. As her skin met his, he knew he couldn't do this to her. It was unfair, and he couldn't bear the thought of mistreating her more than he already had. Head reeling, she turned her gaze to look at Athrun, who was now lying on his back beside her, eyes closed, breathing heavily. "Don't do anymore, Cagalli, it's not right. I have to tell you something else too." "What?" she whispered, snuggling closer, shivering. "I need to tell you about Lyra." Athrun said uncertainly. He owed her that at felt him sit up, and she sat up too, head spinning, not quite understanding. "What about her?" Cagalli said softly. Aware of how serious he was being, she turned his face to hers, gazing at him. "I married her here." He admitted, looking at her in the eye although she sensed fear and hesitation in him. "We lived as husband and wife for less than a month before we decided it couldn't go on. I wanted you to know, because it didn't seem fair that I had so many chances at happiness but never gave her a chance at hers." Stunned, Cagalli's eyes widened. "Married-," "We exchanged our vows here." Athrun told her. Unable to speak, she felt him touch her face lightly, as if to confirm she was still there. "I promised her that we'd leave the Isle some day," Athrun said soberly. "I really wanted to start afresh and to forget all the wrongs I'd done by agreeing come here and teach those children how to kill. But I decided I couldn't do that- not when I didn't really love her. So I had to leave her." He dropped his gaze, unable to continue. "I'd lived with her in a house elsewhere on the Isle, because I coudln't bear to live in that Manor. You know what it's like, don't you? All corridors and rooms and empty places within the empty place."

"But the gardens?" She questioned, her heart beathing. "I gave some cuttings to Ko, who was living back in the Manor. He planted those there," Athrun explained. "Why?" "No, nothing." Cagalli murmured. Athrun looked at her, trying to ascertain ther thoughts. But he didn't have to, for she revealed those to him in the next moment. "Athrun," Cagalli interjected softly, kneeling before him and turning his head to hers. "Thank you." He looked at her, stunned. She kissed him lightly on the forehead, and he asked, puzzled, "What for?" "For being honest." Cagalli said quietly. "You're always evading my questions, and you're always saying that some things don't matter. But they do matter to me, and this does as well. I know she meant great deal to you, even if you say you couldn't love her in the end. I would never begrudge you even if you had loved her. How could I? And this place means a lot to you too, doesn't it?" "Yes," He confessed. "I couldn't bring her out of the Isle when I decided to marry her, and so we had our own little ceremony here. This was in preparation for the future, I told her. After all, this place was so run down even then that it seemed insufficient. I was planning to leave this place with her, and to start afresh elsewhere. That never happened. But we still said our vows here, so it did mean something, at very least." She nodded, moved by what he was telling her. "Why didn't you tell me?" "I'm sorry I never told you about this." He said quietly. "I never thought it would matter because the marriage was a false hope anyway. Also, I was ashamed to tell you of how I couldn't fulfil that promise." In that moment, Cagalli knew what it was to love. Love was senseless, selfless and made of the foolishness that the world would scorn, if love had not been at the root of all of it. She should have felt more betrayed, should have distanced herself immediately, but she knew that she accepted himall his flaws, all his mistakes, and all he had done in his life. Cagalli kissed his forehead, overcome with sadness and yet, understanding them both now. "I would never blame you." "Are you hurt by what I told you?" Athrun said hesitantly. "Not really because it made sense for you to move one," Cagalli said, "But maybe a little, because-," She paused, looking tentatively at him. "-because I

never really managed to, no matter how hard I tried." She hugged him, sliding into his embrace, and he moved over her, hugging her tight. As she kissed him, he began to experience an uncontrollable desire in him, and the weight off his chest made him want to respond to her affection. But he couldn't- not even when he'd told her, because he didn't want her like this. So Athrun pulled her away slightly. "Not like this, Cagalli," he murmured, kissing her temple and wrapping his arm around her again for warmth. "What do you mean?" She said shyly. "I don't want anything in exchange." "Not here. Not in a derelict church in the middle of some nowhere like some illicit tryst." Athrun replied gravely. "I've said it so many times. You deserve much more." She blushed furiously, burying her face against his chest, causing him to chuckle and continue. "And if you're reacting like this," Athrun whispered, "I'm wagering you're not ready for the reality yet." She curled up tighter against him, whispering an apology, afraid that he had mistaken her desire as an attempt to make him do her bidding. He stroked her hair, cradling her close to him. "None needed at all." His lips brushed her forehead, then she felt him press her closer to him. "Although I'm fighting not to get excited around you." He admitted sheepishly, like an errant schoolboy. She chuckled, running her hands suggestively around his waist. "You know, if they find us like this, in a church, no less-," "Good gracious," He said wryly. "I don't think we're gaining karmic points for this. If I proceeded to make love to you here, I think I would be struck by lightning as soon as I took half a step out of here." Cagalli grinned, although her eyes were serious. "I'd probably go to hell with you, sooner or later." "I think the later the better. I'm enjoying myself too much." He muttered. "We'll wait for the clothes to dry before we try to pretend we weren't doing anything naughty, alright?" "Alright." She laughed. But in the meantime, she couldn't help but occupy her time and his by tracing his mouth with her fingertips,

fascinated by the way he smiled and frowned. His mouth was sometimes in a stern, white line across his face but it could be so capable of uncontrollable, searing passion. He watched her while she amused herself by touching his face and memorising his features. There was a contentment he hadn't felt for a long time. Of course, the church itself was a harrowing place to be in, with its ruined state and his past experience in this place. But with her, everything seemed to be held at bay. It occurred to him that he had somehow seen her as part of his being ever since he'd met her. It was impossible to forget her, the way his bonfire laughed and cried and fought against him until he could hold her entirely. A wave of possessiveness swept into him as he held her more tightly, thinking that she was his, his, everything of her belonged to him and only him. He had only meant to save her, prevent her imminent harm. That was why he had agreed to stay on the Isle, tried so hard to watch her and prevent others from harming her, and even brought her here to prevent Greyfriars from killing her. But over the course of her time on The Isle, she had made him love her all over again, reminded him that he still belonged to her and was susceptible to her power. And confound it- he still needed her. If anything, he needed her more than ever. He knew more about her than he had ever known before, he understood her motivations, the same motivations he had failed to account for in the past. Now, it would be impossible for him to back off and let her simply return to Orb and forget him. And it was here that Athrun realised that he was afraid of dying without being remembered by her. He was certainly keeping her with him for duty's sake, now that he'd realised that her feelings for him made her hesitant in escaping. But at the same time, he wanted her here even beyond the scope of his duty. She was breathing and smiling at him, not aware of the thoughts that ran through his head, and he was acutely aware of their fragility and vulnerability. He wasn't afraid to die, but he was afraid to die without her feeling any sense of loss. What a selfish thought, Athrun remarked to himself, but he gazed at her, thinking of all that he'd done for her. Surely, insisting that she remembered him even after she went back to Orb wasn't too much to ask for? Her eyes surveyed him innocently. "Penny?" "Nothing really," Athrun smiled.

She chuckled, kissing his lips lightly. "I think the clothes are dry by now." "Right." He said unwillingly, letting go of her shoulders and rolling away a little so that she could untangle herself and stand. He tried not to look as she got up, aware that she was shy of his gaze. Their backs facing each other, they dressed hastily and sat down. She brought her knees to her, curling into a ball, trying not to feel embarrassed. Up to now, she was not accustomed to his gaze, and yet, she craved seeing the affection in his eyes. He on the other hand, she noticed, was entirely comfortable in his own skin, and with good reason, she thought, blushing even more. He tapped his fingers on the floor and remarked, "Hopefully, Epstein realises we're about to dry out and die." "What makes you so sure?" She said. "He left and said he'd return indefinitely." "He remarked that the weather would be good for two days." Athrun replied. "A slip of the tongue, I suppose, revealing his intentions. And it was a pretty inaccurate weather prediction too." They looked at each other and began to laugh ruefully. Chapter 21

his study. He was blocking the entrance of this storeroom. Cagalli stared up at Athrun, unconsciously clutching a file to her. The proof of his betrayal lay around her, things strewn everywhere and the path of what she'd pried very clear. She took a look at his face and fled, even if it was a matter of only a few meters. Surely, Cagalli thought wildly, she was in grave danger now. Athrun was not a person who forgave easily, because he was not a person who took offence easily. But surely, she'd done something he would not tolerate. Nervously, she looked around, trying to think of what she could use as a weapon. "When Epstein came back, he couldn't find you anywhere." He said flatly, without a single emotion reminiscent of anything remotely positive. There was a simmering temper in him that she sensed he was trying to restrain. "But you left the trapdoor open, so it was quite easy to guess where you'd vanished to." When had he returned? Athrun looked impeccable even when he was casually dressed in dark pants and a black, long-sleeved turtleneck. In the semi-darkness, he cut an imposing figure while hidden in the shadows. She thought of the night he'd appeared on the SS Rafael and shuddered. At the same time, it occurred to her that he had not possibly known she was here in the basement. He was obviously here to rest, since he was not dressed formally, and she realised he had often stayed here for long hours to plan. She, on the other hand, was dressed only in a thin white cotton dress and his borrowed cardigan. Naturally, Cagalli was already shivering in the unheated rooms. "You know," Athrun said contemplatively but very coldly, "I didn't think it was so easy to get in here. Or did you manage to worm that information out of someone? Were you on such good terms with Epstein that he'd even betray me?" Cagalli stared into the face of someone she did not know what to feel for. In return, Athrun looked at her with some contempt that she'd never seen. "You don't have the right to judge what I did to make you tell me things." Cagalli said defiantly. "Not when you accepted and knew I would try doing more. And don't you dare look at me like I would-," She found herself unable to continue, shaking her head once and casting her eyes down. Athrun smiled easily without any real joy, and there was an uneasiness in the way he cast his eye around that

He strode past her, but not before depositing his shoes next to hers in a careless, almost flippant manner. There was calmness in his mannerism and the composure he diverted his eyes away from the things around her. But his eyes told another story- those lingered darkly on the files and letters that were strewn across the carpet, some having fallen while in her trail from the storeroom to this central part of the basement. With horror, she realised she'd instinctively gathered things in her arms and rushed out from the storeroom into this main room there was only one entrance or exit to. Her eyes flew to the trapdoor she'd entered from. There wasn't a square of light. Realising he must have locked the door in the wooden ground and came to find her, Cagalli panicked. She ran, even if it wasn't a great distance at all, back into the storeroom, but stumbled and as if by sheer irony, landed back in the circle of things she'd pulled out from before. He took another step closer, having followed her into this storeroom, and Cagalli knew she was trapped. There was only one exit from this storeroom into the main room, and the main room had only one exit into

she could no longer ignore. As she swallowed Too much evidence was staring at her in the face. Hadn't that been the expression Marlin used when he'd recounted his days of being a solicitor? As Athrun moved gracefully in the room, weaving his way around the things she'd strewn, Cagalli could see a deep aggression building in him. It frightened her, but she continue kneeling there, not willing to be pushed out until she had said her piece. "On a strictly normal basis if I saw you in the doorway," Athrun said with a touch of displeasure that she heard right away, "I would tell you to get out of there, seeing that you would have had absolutely no right to be there." He cast a dark eye over the place, "But seeing that you've made yourself cosy in my study, basement and the storeroom, there's no point, is there?" His voice dipped low, and the air around them felt tighter with his tension. "Now get out of here." Cagalli began to tremble violently, for he had never showed her so much aggressiveness and such clear anger. She knew she was in danger- she knew she should obey first, while watching her back. Confronting a man who had made such detailed plans to neutralise her and had even used coercion and persuasion all at once was certainly suicidal. Surely then, this room had been filled with all his innermost secrets- the secrets she would have never been aware of even when he had managed to kill her. She should not have stayed there. But she could not ignore all this. "Get out of your room, you say?" Her voice was dull. "Then what about the room you've been bringing me to? The one you make me sleep in? Does that mean that each time, you brought me to a place you didn't use for anything else?" As Athrun's eyes travelled from her eyes to her feet and back again, Cagalli felt a tremble move through her. If he had done that before, Athrun had caused her to feel frissons of desire and hope that he would try to understand her one day. But now, she knew all that was impossible. Yet when he answered, Cagalli knew he had never thought of all that she had. "Did you think I would have given you a special room just so I could touch you?" She stood up slowly, her body like lead from kneeling in that circle. Then Cagalli turned fully around to face him. As she did this, she threw her file straight at him with a cry that ripped itself from her throat. The fury of her expression matched his silent anger,

and the file would have hit him except that Athrun caught it in his hands and lobbed it aside with equal violence. "How dare you!" Her voice grew in its volume and loathing tone. "How dareYou kept this- all this from me! And how could you-," He stepped towards her. The flintiness of his expression made her shrink inwardly, but Cagalli stood her ground as he spoke "You used me!" Cagalli burst out. She stepped out of the circumference of material she had surrounded herself by. While it seemed that the circle of protection and proof had been left behind, she felt herself grow stronger in her conviction. The proof had always been thereshe'd been blinded, and he'd blinded her. Maybe, she thought with agony, she'd always wanted to be blinded to the truth in so many ways. Athrun took a step forward, surveying the materials that lay on the floor. The steadiness of his voice made it ring through the room."Is this all you went through? Because if it is, you can get your explanations later." "Wait," Cagalli interjected. "I-," "Don't make me repeat myself again," He interrupted, "Get out." No!" The hurt in her voice made it a scream even though it was soft and controlled. "I'm your pawn, aren't I? You made me lie next to you- you made me wonder if I was wrong about what I'd always thought- you made me think you were opening up to me so I would open myself to you-," "I will explain. But not now." Athrun said this brusquely, reaching her and dragging her a little to the side, where the door to the main basement was. "I don't believe you." Cagalli snarled, shoving his hands away and standing firmly rooted there. "Don't you throw me out so you can lie later! I'm not stupid enough for that when everything's here!" "What's here?" Athrun said in an unreadable manner. Cagalli thought of how he'd known what her room looked like and how he'd fashioned her cage to be similar to it. She thought of the clothes he'd been aware she was wearing and what she was likely to accept. She thought of the trinkets he'd given her and how he must have known what she was wearing under her clothes, what she thought of each day, what she was likely to do and how he could eliminate her easily.

"What's here? This!" Cagalli said firmly, pointing to the letters. "This!" Her eyes fell on the files. "And that!" Her voice grew loudly in the air as she jabbed a finger in the direction of the storeroom. "And that!" "I deserve to know why I had to die, don't I? Are you going to ignore me? Or tell me that I need to trade something else for me to understand?" Athrun's eyes turned cold, so cold and hollow that she trembled. "What else do you have left?" And that was when something in her broke. It wasn't so much his words as much as that derision, that indifference and that lack of any clear emotion she thought he would at least show to her. She reached out and slapped him. "Don't you dare use that against me!" Cagalli spat. Her voice hung in the air, twined with poison and the shuddering gasps of withheld tears. "I trusted you, but you lied about so many things and used me!" Athrun stared at her blankly, and slowly, reached up to her cheek, fingering the area gingerly. Cagalli had hit him hard, and the spot her fingers had made contact with was red on his pale skin. "You're a hypocrite." He said softly, hissing slightly in pain. "A hypocrite and a liar, just like me. We're the same." His eyes had darkened to the state that their clear emerald tones had become almost jet. There was a moment where his mouth showed a tender smile, but next to his eyes, there was a menacing quality to his expression. Tears were stinging her eyes, hot and angry. She reached down, scooping up the letters, shaking them roughly. "You never told me all this time that you were already in contact with Kira right from the start! So when I wanted to send a letter, you made me trade something for it, despite you knowing that you could easily do it!" He did not bother fighting off her accusations. He did not bother telling her that those were untruths and that he hadn't written to Kira after he'd come to the Isle. Athrun was still reeling from the shock of having Cagalli in the innermost chambers of the place, where he kept all his secrets. "And this!" Cagalli's voice rang out. "Why do you have all these things of your father's? All the annotations you made on his plans if the Genesis project failed- and this-," Cagalli shook the diary. "Didn't you tell me that you wanted never to be like him? Didn't

you mean it then? But you used all the information you took from his diary to create your own plans, didn't you? I was your pawn from the start, wasn't I?" For some strange reason, she thought that Athrun hadn't heard her, for he had pushed past her and bent down to look at the things. Even while bending, his posture perfect as usual, but there was something broken about him. She began to repeat herself, in hopes of eliciting a response from him. Any response would have done, but he gave her none. "You sent letters to Kira to assure him that you would be pursuing a new life somewhere else. Did he reply? Did he know what had happened that made you leave Orb even before I admitted it to him a few years later? What were you doing, all this time?" "Why do I need to report to you?" Athrun retorted, striding forward and knocking the letters from her hands. "If I wrote letters to Kira even after I left Orb, that is his due. But who are you to me that I must tell you of this place and share these secrets with you?" She stared, aghast at his sudden aggression, not understanding that it was in fact she, who had pushed him beyond his threshold. Instead, Cagalli began to grow more agitated, and her voice grew firmer in her suspicion and demands. "You're right," Cagalli choked. "You're goddamn right. Nobody tells the person he wants to kill the truth. You didn't want me to suspect you were out there, planning God-knows-what to start another war!" His voice was even, and he was growing eerily still. If anything, Athrun had snapped to attention, and there was a calm that radiate from him. "And what makes you think that I want another war?" "This!" She said sharply, raising the diary and shaking it thoughtlessly. His eyes narrowed, but she was past the point of caring. "Everything is in here!" Athrun looked at the single one she'd picked up. One in the series of three, and she'd somehow picked the one he'd poured over the most. "Don't tell me you were unaware of Patrick Zala's original plans," She breathed, "Those were to be carried through his son. In his diary, he wrote that he would take all precautions to ensure your survival in the First War. You must have known from reading the diaries! He always ensured that even when you were dispatched, you were never in the front lines. He had great plans for you, didn't he? He'd made arrangements for you to be the pilot of the Freedom and to have a glorious future, in his own words. Even when the Freedom was stolen, he

immediately made you to pilot of the Justice!" Cagalli hissed. "I was a fool for underestimating both of you! Patrick Zala- spending his life building a weapon that could be destroyed so easily? You, spending your time here, pretending to run from your past?" She laughed bitterly. "Not likely!" "What more did you read from those diaries?" His posture was tense. "If the Genesis project failed, his son would start the war again in the seat of power that Patrick Zala would arrange for!" Her eyes flashed. "That's what you're here doing right? You were to be the vessel- the harbinger, in his words! He had great hopes for you, didn't he? Bastard that you said he was, he loved you! You told me you'd always felt guilty because you knew you'd betrayed him when you'd refused to pull the trigger. You knew he expected and wanted so much for you to understand him. It's all over in the diary, even if he never managed to act that way to you. And you were acting on his last wishes, didn't you?" Athrun thought of the way he'd once sat here, looking at a portrait of his father when Cagalli had first come to the Isle. He'd muttered then, that if his father had met Cagalli, he would have been sorry to have her broken. Athrun was not unobservant or unaware of the situation when he'd taken Cagalli here. He'd known that despite who he was working for and the purpose of his ultimate mission, what he was doing was strangely and eerily akin to what his father had always wanted if the Genesis weapon was never triggered. But he'd never expected to have Cagalli think all this of him. As he looked down at the opened diary, Athrun felt his fists tighten. "How could you go through that-," His voice had lost every ounce of calm, and he was trembling quite visibly. Yet, Cagalli felt a strange sense of triumph rear in her, and through it all, she knew he could not longer remain silent. She turned away, tossing it aside. It made a strange sound against the lower, framed portraits. At the same time, he made a small sound of grief as his father's diary was flung away, but in her anger, Cagalli did not see it. "I made mistake by agreeing to stay on. I thought you wanted me here with you because you felt something for me. I was a fool." Cagalli told him forcibly. "And at this point, I don't care that you want another war. But I'm not going to stay any longer- I'm not going

to be a pawn you can use and force to stay here for the six months. I'm going back to Orb the second I finish saying this. I don't care if you try to kill me here and now." Her voice shook for a second. "But I care that you lied to me, that you used me in those plans!" "What proof do you have?" Athrun said defiantly. While he did not bother going and picking the diary up, there was poison in his stare. "You have files with the plans you developed with your father's brainchild as its basis." She said in a low voice. The diary had been enough proof, but she had wanted to prove her doubts were wrong. Surely, it was a matter of a past threat to her father's life and a matter of coincidence that Athrun Zala seemed to be carrying out those plans with her as the pawn now. It was her imagination. There was no such thing as Patrick Zala's plans to get Athrun Zala in an influential position within Plant's Supreme Council. But then she'd found the surveillance records and all that he'd collated. The information and the specific things he'd been keeping tabs on in ways that she wasn't even clear of had matched too neatly with the diary. "Your father was planning to have my father assassinated even if Genesis failed. Even if Patrick Zala died, he'd leave behind his son to complete the job." She said savagely. "You were to use the Orb Head to turn the Orb against the Earth Alliance. That would start a war where Orb and the Earth Alliance Naturals would wipe each other out." "Your father started writing that what Orb's always believed in a matter of impossible ideals. He didn't believe that Coordinators and Naturals can live together after your mother was killed." She shook her head, trying to go on, trying to lay out the facts that were still causing her so much grief. "He wanted these tainted Coordinators in Orb, as he called them, to die along with the Naturals. You were supposed to be his vessel if the Genesis failed- and you were! That's why you brought me here and tried to make me stay." Athrun was frozen where he was. He said nothing and Cagalli lost the last of her control. "If I don't get back to Orb by the time six months are up, Orb will go to war with Scandinavia and the Earth Alliance! That's what you really wanted because your father put you up to it! If my father had been alive, you'd have used him but as it turns out," Cagalli laughed brokenly. "I made a better pawn than my father because I sympathised and even thought I might have still loved you."

Throughout this, Athrun's eyes had not left her face. He had stood, frozen, silent, with that monstrous calm fuelling her hurt. And then Cagalli was taunting him because she didn't know how else to hurt him- to make him feel how she did. Her voice turned derisive. "I always knew both of you were brilliantbut this! If I stay here, the adapted plans can be carried out, as your father wished. I think he's proud of you, Athrun. Very, very proud. Even when the pawn he needed had died a long time ago, you found another." Her voice broke. "A better pawn, in fact. One that let you do almost anything you liked, one that learnt not to question, one that couldn't resist you when you asked to be trusted- trusted to the point that I would have given you anything you wanted. Did I serve your purposes well enough?" "I didn't have any plans!" Athrun roared, lividly slamming his fist on the table next to him. All the books reported by leaping into the air, but he didn't seem to take notice. "I don't have any!" So Cagalli did what she had always done when threatened. She rose to the threat with her own and with a little to spare. If she had been in her office, twenty people would have been quivering. But here, she was not trying to settle a deal- she had long gone past that. Still, she lashed out. Squaring her shoulders, Cagalli bit back her tears and yelled in her fury, "We've never meant anything to each other, so don't lie to me anymore, Athrun!" Storming over to the drawer, she yanked open the last drawer and took a step back as all the things flew from there. It wasn't difficult to see what she had been referring to. Amidst all of the paraphernalia, there was a well-made, fine fountain pen. "This pen." Cagalli said quietly, picking up and holding it in the light. "Has my name engraved on it. You made a spare, didn't you?" He stared at it, not saying anything. This was a spare that he had thought of finding a way to present to her again, right after she'd damaged the first one. But the thought of the last thing he'd watched and how affected he'd been for the subsequent days and weeks had made him abandon the idea. He'd even gone as far as to convince Greyfriars that there had been no point observing a person who was far too well-guarded when really, that had been far from the truth. "I had one those years ago, until I dropped it accidentally. But you know the rest- I told you of the rest." Cagalli began to laugh wistfully in her heartache. "What a fool I was! Here you were- the person orchestrating

those events that I never even realised were attempts on my life." She pointed at the file with her name on it, her voice entirely changed in its hostility. "And you even confirmed with Greyfriars that I was carrying the pen around! Who is Greyfriars?" He had gone entirely motionless, his face inscrutable. That crack, that show of temper had long faded away, and what she witnessed now was even more disconcerting. He was steeling himself, and she recognised the person before her as the one who had killed Decant Corriolis all those months ago. Still, Cagalli confronted him, unable to shake off the betrayal. "And the car incident- I was locked in there alone. If Aaron hadn't smashed the window, I'd have been dead meat! Were you disappointed that I survived while you noted down how things were going on that Wednesday afternoon, Athrun?" Spitefully and only because she did not know not to express the bitter disappointment of realising that he had long been out to hurt her, Cagalli caught another file in her hands and threw it forcefully at him. She wanted to hit him, wanted to hurt him for hurting her. He made no effort to duck; only stood there as the file hit him squarely in the chest and fell to the ground this time. All the photographs they had takenwhoever the people who had been trailing her were- over the years were now spilling everywhere. Watching those innocuous, almost totally harmless shots of her falling in coloured pieces over the carpet made Cagalli smile. It was a broken, cynical smile that she didn't even realise she was capable of giving in that situation. "When you laid next to me and told me all about you, I thought- I honestly didthat you were beginning to open yourself to me." Cagalli whispered. "I thought then, that all that mattered was that you trusted me. But I was wrong." "It didn't matter that I had to trade something in for you to say how you felt about your past, about your father and how you had admired him all this time while hating him. I really did think that I knew you then, Athrun, I really did." He closed his eyes, shaking his head once and very slightly, but she was hardly aware that he was growing white with dismay. Athrun looked stonily at her, but remained resolute in his muteness. Her temper flared even more, and her voice began to shake because of her partial fear and partial pain.

"From his diary, it's obvious, isn't it?" Cagalli rasped. "And my god, I was a fool for not seeing the truth when you told me so many times that your father was your ghost! And the other time, when I told you of all the failed attempts of assassination, you remarked that I was surprisingly difficult to kill. I laughed then, didn't I? What a fool I was!" Cagalli threw her head back and laughed in her pain. "You must have come here to look at everything and laugh at me right after that!" And Athrun took a step back, making as if to leave. She had never seen him run from her before, but now, she knew she never wanted to again. Not even when she was going to suffer and die for it if he turned back. "Tell me!" Her voice broke, and she realised that tears were beginning to stream from her face. Why was she so useless? Why couldn't she control her feelings and bite back those little drops that showed how weak she was? "Damn you Athrun- how could you let me feel for you again and do this to me?" He shook his head, walking away from her. She should have rejoiced at her chance to escape or even taken the chance to put him out of consciousness and find a way back to Orb. She could have turned and refused to watch him leave, just as she had all those years ago. But she chose not to now. "Did you agree to those contracts with me because you wanted to prolong my stay here?" Cagalli questioned, not able to shake off her disappointment. "You knew how desperate I was to return- and you supposed that if you had refused, I would have tried to escape even if it cost me my life. So you took the chance and tried to stall me. And you got benefits from that too, didn't you?" He paused, although he didn't turn around. "Why did it have to be you using me?" Cagalli said in her anguish. "Each time you chose to use me, as your father would have used mine, did you think of what you were doing to me?" "I'm not my father," He interrupted forcefully. "I'm not like those you don't trust and let near you for good reasons." His eyes met hers as he whirled around, finally showing her his expression. The vehemence he suddenly broke his composure with was so startling that she dropped everything she had been confronting him with. And Athrun advanced towards her. Flustered, she took a step back. But he came closer still, pressing his hands against the sides of the wall, trapping her against it swiftly. His voice

was a hiss, and she cowered, knowing how powerless she was against him now. "Don't you dare not trust me." Athrun said bitingly. "Don't you dare." His voice was controlled, but she sensed a tremor go through his body, as if someone had punched him or taken a knife through each palm and shredded it into his shoulders like butter. "You have no right to make those suppositions, as if you are blind to all I've done for you. You have no right to think that the only thing I care about is a father who died along with my mother." Defensively, Cagalli put her hands up, trying to cover her eyes, as if he had threatened to hit her. But he did not, for his words were enough to produce the same effect. "Those letters should have been burnt a long time ago." Athrun told her grimly. "Those diaries would have been held in Plant until today, if I hadn't earned them and hidden them here." "And it's a good thing you didn't," Cagalli turbulently, mocking him. "Imagine how hard it would be to have no reference while trying to kill me!" "I never tried to!" He bellowed, punching his fist against the wall, right next to her head. She glanced at his fist and thought of the fine scars on those that she'd noticed before. But no gloves would cover those scars even if he'd worn those. Athrun did not seem to feel the pain anymore. He stared at her, as if his fist was not raw and bruised and required no attention at all. "You think you have proof that I was planning to kill you? And even you have those, you think I wanted to? You think I did it willingly even now, despite all we've been through?" And suddenly, without warning although she should have suspected that he had been driven up a wall as well, Athrun grabbed her by the cardigan she'd borrowed, pulling at the collar and ignoring her yelp of surprise and fear. The wall was cold against her back, and she felt him pressing her even more, pushing her to put her in a defenseless state. He ripped the material off her, immune to how she jolted and began to fight him, trying to scratch or at least push away as he rid her of it. His mouth sought hers and even when Cagalli screamed as best as she could and bit down into his lip, he retaliated. Athrun did more than retaliate- he trailed his lips down her neck again in a manner that seemed both familiar and not.

The hatred that burnt in him and the way he bit at her made her cry out, and Cagalli was horrified to feel lust in her body even when her life was being threatened. All the same, she was struggling and she knew she was unlikely to escape now. His hands were scrabbling against her flailing ones, her bare arms weaker against his. Athrun was simply furious, she thought in a strange, frozen kind of awe, her cries muffled by his mouth and his hands still fighting with hers and crushing her fingers in his grip. He was a man who had finally snapped- a man who had never really lost his temper with anyone except those he abhorred. Had they both sunk to that level so quickly when she had loved him so much? She didn't know. Suddenly, he stopped kissing her, and breathlessly, Cagalli looked up at him, panting. He was doing the same, his eyes stormy and his lower lip raw and bleeding slightly from where she'd bitten. He sported a small but painful looking scratch on his cheek where she'd managed to get at him, and he was breathing heavily with the exertion of trying to rein in his anger. Now, his words were twisted by his gritted teeth. Again, he locked her there by placing his hands on either side of her head as her back was pressed against the wall. "They can doubt me as a heretic's son, but not you." He hissed. "How do you want me to trust you with everything here?" Cagalli challenged him, her hands still shielding her. Her breaths were small puffs of white in this chilly storeroom. "It makes sense doesn't it? You left, and you set up some kind of base here-," Her hand shot into the air as she gestured, "And over these few years, you made plans to kill me, until you realised I could be used as a pawn, whether dead or alive! When did you realise I was better off alive, Athrun? What made you kill the lackey who tried to shoot me in the bedroom you let him into? He said you had no more use for me, and before he could kill me, you stabbed him yourself. Was it some elaborate play to make me trust you? Did you sacrifice some lackey for that?" "No," Athrun said shakily. "That wasn't me he was talking about- he wasn't working for me. I needed you- Iwanted to save you! I couldn't let you die-," His voice broke as he watched her expression harden. Her eyes flashed and her voice grew malevolent. "Was it when you realized I could give you that Orb citizenship you wanted to further your businesses? Or was it later, when I offered you part of me? Or when I was on my knees for you? Was it when you

were using me? You were using Lyra Delphius as well, weren't you?" If anything, her question made him even more incensed and he grabbed her face and pulled her closer, saying softly, in that terrible voice, "Do you think I killed her because I merely got tired of her?" "You told me she died of illness-," "Yes." Athrun said sharply. "Foolishness." She gasped, and he let go of her as if he had touched burning coals, shoving her aside. And stumbling away now, as if someone had taken a cudgel and set work breaking his body and will, he turned his face from hers, leaving her to realise how cruel she had been. "Don't go off and leave it at that!" Cagalli snarled, hitting back at him. She grabbed him by his shoulder and whirled him around to face her. "You're going to kill me like her anyway, so I might as well get it off my chest!" Athrun's eyes narrowed until they were slits, but she was past the point of caution. If he killed her here and now, she would have still found a way to say all she proceeded to. And when she did, she knew the pain she was trying to cause was only equal to the hurt he had given her. "Would it help if I told you I wanted you to hate me when I made the contract to trade half of my body?" Cagalli taunted. "And that I had purposely played with you because I didn't have any feelings towards you? Did you hate me for that? Would that be the explanation you owe me for why you tried to kill me? Doesn't that explain why you did all this to me? Should I take it that you hated me and for that simple reason, played with me?" He looked at her, seeing the sorrow in her eyes and the fire she attacked him with. The words she said pained him, but instinctively, Athrun knew it was in her nature to lash out when she was hurt. He'd hurt her with what she thought were lies, but he knew that it ran deeper than that. If he told her the truth, his chances of gaining his freedom would be dashed, and Cagalli would hate him for all he had done. But if he didn't, she'd hate him anyway. And when he spoke, Athrun found that he could not help himself anymore than he could help everything that had occurred. Athrun's voice was a groan of despair, his hands falling by his sides, tight in fists. "I can't tell you- I can't! I would be betraying so many if I did-,"

She stared, biting her lips for a second, as was her habit when she did not know what to do anymore. "Then don't." Cagalli said wearily, turning her head away. She moved away from the wall she'd backed up against. "I can't force you anymore. Even if I knelt here, put a knife in your hands and offered you my life, it wouldn't change anything now." Her hands were shaking. "But I will apologize for having gone through these things. I had no right to, and I didn't mean to come down here. I wouldn't have if I hadn't even stepped into your study." Cagalli's voice dropped, so much that it was a rustle of a page, a caress of a finger that melted too soon into the air. "I only came into the study to learn what you'd like when I gave it to you. That was a mistake. Maybe it would have been better for me to live in my ignorance." "Give?" His voice was as shaky as hers. "To celebrate your birthday." Cagalli whispered. "When Epstein offered to take me into your study so I would know if what I wanted to give was suitable, I agreed to. But I intruded even in here. I shouldn't have done that." She stood there, unable to continue, unable to hold her tears back anymore. Those blurred her vision and fell to the floor, and she didn't dare to look up for fear that she would break down completely. "Your intruding doesn't matter." Athrun said harshly. "All that's said and done. But I cannot have you doubt me, do you understand? I've told you, over and over again, that I don't have a choice when it comes to you. Believe me." "Please," He added, and something of her resolve was fragmented by how aged him seemed, how tired he looked. Cagalli recalled how he had looked at her each time they'd told each other about their pasts in the bath or the bed. There had been that burning need, that strange sadness that never left his eyes, no matter how she had made him laugh and smile. He had sacrificed so much precisely because he hadn't been able to say no to her. "I never thought I'd be moved by you again- or by anyone for that matter." His voice was filled with that nameless, deep agony. He stood there, rooted in that spot. "And yet, you look at me now and ask me why I became my father. I don't know why either. I tried to fight it- I really did. And maybe I do have a

choice when it comes to you this time." Athrun looked at her, aged by his suffering, wounded so deeply that she knew he would never be the same. His eyes flickered to her face for a brief instant, and then dropped down. He looked away, turning in the direction of the steps. "There's no meaning in keeping you here when you're not safe anyway- it's pointless now." Athrun's voice was hollow- the voice of a man who had lost everything in an instant."I'll arrange for you to be sent back to Orb immediately. If you leave, you'll be able to forget, as you wanted to. Now leave this place." She stared at him, the complete devastation in his eyes and the pain in his face. Another transformation had taken place in him- he was shielding himself, guarding his own emotions now, and suddenly, he was that cold, completely controlled figure of stone and steel. In those seconds, the last of Athrun Zala had vanished. In his bid to sever the ties that had made them fall in love but become so hurt by each other, he had become a stranger again. Cagalli stood there, still frozen, sensing the rage he had managed to control by killing all his faculties of human feeling. And slowly, as she walked past him, her hands limp by her sides, she knew she could not see his expression his fringe covered. Even if she had seen his face completely, he would have probably and already worn his mask. But perhaps, he was wearing no mask at all. He had already and truly lost all the capacity to feel when she had looked at him and accused him of making use of her. Why was the prospect of returning to Orb after finally cracking through Athrun not appealing anymore? Why was he even hurt when she had been wounded by him- and why did it hurt her all the more to sense that? As she walked past him, something broke in her too, and the portraits of all those he had loved smiled in a row of unknowing, senseless happiness. Those bore witness to the pain of those living. Then abruptly, Cagalli turned back and in a few strides, had reached him and flung her arms around his neck, pressing herself to him, her hands warm against his cold, unfeeling body. She could not see his face, for he had turned away, but she could not let go of him now. Not then, Cagalli told herself breathlessly, not for those seven years, and not now, not when it mattered so much.

His voice was a whiplash, more unfeeling than she had ever thought possible, and the unhappiness beneath its veneer made the same pain blossom in her chest. "Let go!" "No!" Her cry matched his in equal volume and the same intensity of emotion. Athrun shoved her away, and the force made her stumble slightly. But she returned, and her hands were strong, and she clutched at him, relinquishing all her pride, forgoing her stubbornness, praying that he would listen to her. "Don't do this." He rasped, suddenly weak with overwhelming heartache and the pain of every year he had lived mounting and weighing him down. "Don't touch me." She clung to him desperately, willing him to forgive her, willing him to accept her. He pushed her away quite immediately, but she pulled him to her at the same time, trying to make him understand, trying to tell him that she had hurt him for no good reason, and that she had hurt herself by hurting him. "I can't understand you," Cagalli said painfully. "Because you won't let me. But I want to, Athrun. Please- tell me." Then slowly, his hands, frozen in mid air, found their away around the small of her back. His voice was a mumble, and he was breathing as if he had been running for a long time. "I didn't try to kill you. Believe me. I would never have. I could never have willingly tried to hurt you." And Cagalli buried her face into his chest. Why was she allowing herself to be fooled again? Why try and believe him all over again? The proof was here, and if he had been playing games with her, she would have been a fool to fall for the same thing over and over again. But she couldn't- even if he proceeded to take a gun and shoot her in her head, she would still have believed, even to the last minute, that her murderer was not Athrun, or that Athrun had loaded only blanks into the gun. She was a fool, Cagalli thought to herself. She didn't mind being a fool for him. "You don't believe me yet." Athrun whispered, still hugging her close to him, as if she would bolt suddenly. "But it's true- it really is. I can't say how- but it's true."

Her voice was ragged with her unsteady breathing and soft with her indescribable pain. "I want to believe you. Tell me." Cagalli began to stammer, her voice shaking and her hands trembling, as she looked into his unseeing eyes and pale, almost unrecognisable face. "I'm sorry. I have no right to ask for your forgiveness- but I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I-" Athrun lifted her chin and shook his head, unable to speak, and tenderly, she brought his face to hers, tiptoeing a little, so she could kiss him. He did not respond, but her kiss was searching, demanding, and he allowed her to cup his face with both her palm. Then she broke away, although her hands were still on his cheeks, and her eyes were golden and half-lidded. "I'll believe you," She said pleadingly. "Please. Tell me so I can be with you." "Impossible." Athrun said softly, holding her for a second more, and then beginning to let go of her. "I can't tell you. I owe a duty to keep my silence." "But I need to know." She said with a mute suffering. "At all costs." He looked at her, and saw only honesty and trust. There was no more derision, no more of that infuriating scorn and doubt in Cagalli's eyes. And he thought of what she had said, what she had meant to do by even being here. Because of that, Athrun found himself softening, despite his desire to remain firm in his decision that she had to be sent away. Of the two choices, both would still have her hating him. The ignorance made her mistrust him, but the knowledge would make her despise him. At least though, he thought brokenly, she'd have what she deserved to know with the second option. That was better than having her believe what she thought was the truth. In that instant, he made up his mind. He had always known that one day, he'd have to tell her everything. He couldn't run away and hope for more time to be with her, but at least, Athrun would try to make her understand. "Cagalli," He said hesitantly, "If I tell you, you must listen to everything. If you despise me for it, it will be just as well. But you must listen to everything." "I won't despise you." She said softly. "How could I not feel anything for you when I ended up loving you again after all this time? I was a fool for trying to hate you, to make myself numb to you. So tell me everything- explain it to me properly. I want to know everything about you, all over again."

Cagalli shook her head, stroking his face. "We were so young and foolish then, going on in our own happiness without learning anything. I won't have that now. I'm not going to leave or watch you leave without hearing you out." He looked at her sadly. "I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but there are others I must protect too." She studied him and knew that it was not cowardice but the fear of risking things he was supposed to protect. Athrun had never wanted to endanger something, Cagalli realized, and she was about to find out what that was. "I won't tell anyone outside the Isle," She assured him. "I swear on my own life that I won't. If you must destroy me after this, I would willingly put a gun to my head, as long as I understood why you did everything that you did." Assured now, Athrun took her hand gently, leading her out of the storeroom, bringing her to the main basement where the sofa was. He felt drained and even more insecure, but Cagalli's hand was warm in his and he knew she wanted to believe him once more. As he sank into a seat, she sat with him too. Athrun was a little hunched, his hands clasped in her lap, and he began to speak. His breaths were unsteady, and she knew he was trying to come to terms with everything, just as she was. "I'm not sure you can tolerate all I've done for such a long time." He said quietly, with some wryness that she realized she'd missed quite suddenly. His eyes were dull but he made an effort to smile a little, and heart heavy, she whispered, "I've got the rest of six months to try." He tried to smile again to return the one she managed, and comfortingly, Cagalli moved closer to him. "After the war," Athrun told her morosely, "I never thought of returning to the Plants. There was only one place I wanted to be in. When I found myself being asked to leave Orb in a situation I couldn't even explain myself out of, there was no choice for me except to go back to Plant and try to move on from there." "Eventually, I came to the Isle," Athrun said slowly, "After I left Orb, that is. Before I did that, I went back to Plant to settle my personal affairs. I left almost everything to my estate, as if I'd died, and made preparations to leave Plant. But I took certain things with me, including my father's old letters and diaries." He shook his head, laughing without any real job. "While I didn't want to have anything to do with my father, I couldn't just forget him, could I?"

Cagalli studied him, understanding the turmoil his mind was in. "I wanted to claim the things that belonged to me at very least, and that's why I came back to the Plants first, even though I wasn't planning to stay there. I didn't even make it past the immigration counter." He shook his head. "I was detained, and I was made an offer by Zaft." "An offer," Cagalli said hesitantly. "That involved you going to the Isle?" He nodded. "The Secret Intelligence Council arranged for it. The Isle was supposed to be an asylum or refuge for me, while being a place I was supposed to carry out my new duties in. The deal was that if I agreed to serve for three more years, I'd be allowed to leave the Plants with the diaries my father had left for me." She looked at him, seeing him close his eyes briefly as if to try and shut away the pain. "These diaries are dangerous- you know that. Those are perfectly workable plans, even though I never thought of using those or even seeing how similar the significance of my future actions were to what my father planned for me." Athrun told her. "At that time, I was only concerned with obtaining what I wanted to keep. I couldn't just give everything away to Plant's Supreme Council, who wanted to have everything of his destroyed. I didn't want to work for Zaft or anything like that, but I found myself in it again, because I wanted to keep what my father had left for me." He sighed quietly, a tiny exhaling that seemed to put years into his body. "That's the stupid thing, really. Even until today, I'm afraid to remember my father and unwilling to let his actions cast a shadow over my life, but I couldn't let go of his things either. Still, I did know that I wanted to go somewhere where my father's name would never plague me again." "That was virtually impossible in Plant." Cagalli realised. "So that's why you were willing to come here!" "Yes." Athrun forced a small smile, although it ended as something strangely sorrowful. "Nor could I return to Orb because of the reasons you know of. At that time, there was also an existing Zaft promotion before I'd left for Orb, and there was the order from Plant's High Council which I could not disobey. Before I even left for Orb, the order had been that I was to serve in the Plant Supreme Council for as long as I lived." She stared, wondering why Kira or Lacus had never told her of this. Had they known of this when Athrun had left Plant to try and reach her in Orb again? And if they had, had they kept it from her knowledge in hopes that she

would receive Athrun with open arms again? Surely, they must have known that Cagalli would be even more reluctant to let Athrun stay if she knew he'd had such an opportunity he was giving up to be with her in Orb. "But why didn't you take that earlier offer after the Second War?" Cagalli voice was despondent. "If you'd wanted to forget about Orb and me and move on, why couldn't you agree to work and try and leave everything to the past? Why did you have to go back to Orb after the Second War and try to recover what was already lost?" He smiled ruefully and she saw herself reflected in his eyes. "You know the reason why." "But the opportunity that was given to you back in Plant!" Her eyes widened. "Surely, that was a stab at a new life?" She looked at him and saw a brief flicker of unhappiness in his eyes. "Did you actually think that they wanted me there?" Athrun said coolly. "They issued a long statement justifying how my qualifications and background would serve them well, but that's all bollocks. The real reason they offered me a promotion after the Second War was to keep an eye on me." "What for?" Cagalli asked. "I had been under my father's influence in the First War, and I had served under Dullindal in the second. I had defected twice, and they came to the conclusion that anybody who was persuasive enough would have made use of me." He laughed. "As if other soldiers don't defect! As if my defections had prolonged the war or had made things catastrophic for Plant! As if Dullindal hadn't been persuasive to all of them too! But I was Patrick Zala's son and dangerous by nature- even worse that I would be easily persuaded, as it appeared to them." Athrun shook his head, looking at Cagalli. "You know the real reason why I agreed to do as Dullindal wanted now, don't you? He offered support for our relationship back then. He knew, by the time you left Armory One, that I was more than your bodyguard. Besides, he had promised peace for a lifetime, and so many others believed them as well." He rubbed his face in his hands. "Why did I have to be the only one punished for hoping and believing, if somewhat foolishly? Hadn't I already been punished enough by throwing away the person I wanted to be with the most?" Cagalli held his hand in hers quietly, shaking her head, unable to formulate the words to respond to him.

"Whatever it was," Athrun said slowly, "I didn't want to be chained to Plant's High council. It reminded me of my father's sins and my duty to correct them. Why do I have to? Why should I be expected to? In the past, before the Second War, I did feel I had a duty. But that has changed." He looked at her firmly. "When I finally made head and tail of why you'd rejected me and given your hand to a person who you didn't even like, I knew I'd made the same mistake even before you. I'd assumed my father's mistakes were things I had to solve for him- the way you assumed your father's past responsibilities were your own." "I don't owe a duty to my father, who chose his own life and how his own death eventually was." Athrun's voice was decisive now, and Cagalli felt a tremor go through her. "Nor do you. And even if I am responsible to solve some problems my father created, I don't want to have some bunch of hypocrites impose that duty on me. Nor should you." His expression darkened. "As if they had the right to judge me when they had fawned over my father in his day! Under them, a single mistake I made would have stained my father's record even more." She nodded, understanding. Even now, as Cagalli Yula Atha, a single mistake of hers would have reflected badly on her father and not so much her. "The suspicion and discrimination isn't overt, but they think I have the potential and therefore will be the second Patrick Zala." Athrun said quietly. "But they don't realise that while I am my father's son, I am not my father. Even until today, I find my superiors keeping checks on me as if I would be planning another war. But I didn't expect you to do that too-," He looked down, smiling ruefully. Guiltily, she cast her eyes down, for she had looked at him in the same way just minutes ago. But gently, he took her hand and held it to his heart and said softly, "I swear to you that I am not my father." "I know." She mumbled, feeling guiltier than ever. "But I still think you should have used the opportunity they gave you to prove that you weren't your father." "But that's exactly why I came to the Isle. When I realized that they wanted to keep an eye on me at all costs, that's when I decided that I'd go along with their plans. And once those three years were up, I'd be my own person and if I could, I'd find a way to go back to Orb again. I wanted you to understand me- not to doubt me and think I'd murdered for my father as I think you made yourself believe." Athrun said. He lifted her chin, looking at her directly.

"At the time when I had left Orb after you'd told me to, I had been too weighed down by the trial, too carefully watched. I decided to bide my time and find a way to return somehow, to explain when you were finally able to accept my innocence. Yet, there was no where else left where I would be free of the actions my father had committed." Cagalli gazed at him, stricken with sorrow and the guilt of her own involvement. "Being offered a way to get them off my back even if they breathed down my neck for three more years, and being given a way to forget Orb for a while was attractive. So when the Plant Supreme Council decided they could not control me, they gave me a new identity and let me stay where I would perform duties for a given number of years." "So that's why I could never track you again. You were here on the Isle by that time." She breathed. "That's how you were able to disappear for so long and be known by another identity. But," She faltered. "Who are the people here?" He shook his head, choosing to throw away the lies he'd told her a long time ago. If Athrun had been able to force a smile onto his face and pretend that he was at peace on the Isle when she'd first asked, now he was unable to. Athrun drew in a deep breath. "The Isle-dwellers are Coordinators who were brought here before the First War broke out. They were people who appealed to Plant in hopes that they would be able to leave their Earth countries to get to space. Many of them had committed all kinds of crime. It didn't help that they were Coordinators and that the Naturals around them were already against them." "What wrongdoings did these Coordinators on earth do?" Cagalli asked nervously. "Most of them were driven out from where they were originally, because they were getting too corrupted or too wealthy from some underhanded means. Drug-production, having palms greasier than the food they favour, cyber-hacking, grand schemes-," He trailed off wearily. "The whole works. I suppose I don't have a right to judge these Coordinators, but if I did, I think there's no way to describe them except calling them scum." She recalled what he'd told her during her first dinner with him on the Isle. He'd spoken about how Coordinators were in and of themselves more privileged than the average person, which had allowed them to be Coordinators in the first place. It didn't matter that there were criminals amongst Coordinators- it only mattered

that they were Coordinators and therefore to be hated. "They were sent here before the First War broke out. I was sent here as an intelligencer to keep them in check on Plant's orders. A rule enforcer of sortsI track down the Isle-dwellers who try to step out of the Isle, although I never really have to exercise that power. Most are very happy here and don't want to leave. You've seen them at their parties," Athrun said derisively, looking directly at Cagalli. "Why would Plant agree to look after all these Coordinators who caused problems on Earth in the first place?" Cagalli wondered. "I know Siegel Clyne has always favoured peace and diplomacy, but it seems- seems wrong." Athrun looked intently at her. "I've wondered about the same thing too. But I suppose that if I were the Plant Chairman and I received appeals from these Coordinators who were going to be persecuted by angry Naturals, I wouldn't have allowed them to die either. Even if bringing them and hiding them away within Scandinavia didn't seem like justice for those they had caused trouble for, letting them die would be wrong too." "Does Lacus know about this?" She questioned, thinking of her friend and sister-in-law. "Her father headed this operation in the past- an operation that's been continuing even until now." "She does not." Athrun replied. "Few do. My own father didn't even know of this operation when he was the chairman after Siegel Clyne. It's been one of Plant and Zaft's most wellguarded secrets for a long time. The people who give me instructions are from a council within the Secret Intelligence Division of Zaft, and not all those people are from the Supreme Council." He shook his head. "Few within the Supreme Council even know about this, probably because of the history of the Isle anyway. Siegel Clyne was the person who arranged for a few trusted people to handle this operation, and he kept it from the public or even his council because there would be too much debate and controversy over it. It's stayed that way, even until today." "And you became one of the Isledwellers while secretly being there to ensure everyone kept within the rules?" Cagalli questioned, her eyes studying him. From the way Athrun was looking at his hands, she knew their crimes had been heinous. She thought of the way he'd looked at those at the party with such great dislike. Cagalli understood now, that he'd hated himself for protecting people who had to face their crimes but were enjoying themselves by being provided an escape route. It didn't seem fair.

Athrun nodded. "Elite soldiers have been arranged to come here and protect them for all this while. I've been guarding this hiding hole for criminals as part of the three-year contract I made." "If this place is an asylum for them, they won't ever feel the need to leave and answer to their crimes." Cagalli echoed, trying to understand everything in the context of the massive, orgiastic party she had attended with Athrun. "Most of them treat this place like a holiday resort, since they were allowed to bring their wealth here." He shrugged. "They must pay taxes as ordinary Plant citizens would, but they can afford that and the protection they are given. But not that everyone deserves the asylum, of course." No wonder then, Cagalli thought, that he had seemed to despise them so much then, but had that rueful countenance about him that night at Rochester's. Had he wondered what he was doing there, whether he had sunk as low as the people he despised around him? "They've been here for a long time." Cagalli realised. "They didn't seem to recognise me or you." "These people had to change their identities when the tensions rose even before the First War. You were hidden away from public eyes for so long that they wouldn't have recognized you even if they'd been able to move out from the Isle. In fact," Athrun considered, "Nobody recognizes me as Athrun Zala because I was less than five when they were all sent here." He smiled thinly. "Not that I'm missing out on being recognised, of course." "What about the rules of not leaving?" She inquired. "How do they maintain their businesses and wealth?" "They don't have to. They can fritter away their inheritances and existing fortunes if they wish, and most do. Most can afford the way they live for another hundred years, which is more than enough time for them to gorge themselves to death. As for the rules, there aren't any that prevent them from living like pigs. Those that exist though," He said tightly, "Are to ensure that nobody here gets a way of becoming the most powerful person here. In this place, knowledge would be power, and leaving the Isle and selling information to radical Naturals would be quite a profitable business. It's a protection-scheme in many ways. It's my job to prevent anyone from leaving to sell the identities of these Coordinators to people out for their blood."

"Then why were you able to send the letter and to get information?" Cagalli knitted her hands together anxiously. "Unlike the other asylum-seekers," Athrun answered tentatively, "I'm serving Plant under Zaft. It isn't an open secret or anything. I do live as Rune Estragon when it is time to make a public appearance for the Isledwellers' sake, but I answer to Zaft. In essence though, I have certain privileges on this Isle that the others do not know of. I can leave by using specific yachts- one of which can travel as a submarine. But you knew that, of course." He added. She nodded, thinking of how she'd been brought here when she'd been injured. Athrun looked down dully. "I didn't really think about what I was doing when I agreed to come here. I tried not to think, not to understand or to ask questions. The only thing I wanted to know was that I'd only spend three years and then I'd be free to live my own life." He smiled bitterly. "I should have known. The three years sapped a few lifetimes' worth of my spirit. But living with and protecting these people wasn't the most damning thing I did in the three years." "What do you mean?" Cagalli said, dry-mouthed. She watched him repress a shudder and look at her, his eyes afraid and his mouth tight. "Right before I left the Isle, I met Epstein Cleamont, who had been Erlich Hoffman then. I was asked to train him." She furrowed her brow, trying to understand. "But that's normal for soldiers and you're an elite so-," "Not that." Athrun cut her off. "I was to teach him to pilot. I taught him to use a mobile suit weapon and to teach him how to kill if Zaft ordered it. He was brought up, under me, to be a soldier. And he became one. He really did. When he was sixteen, I knew that he was ready and that he'd molded into what Zaft had always planned- their perfect soldier." Cagalli bit her lips. "But-," "That's not the worse." Athrun's gaze was distracted and there was a violence in the way he twisted his hands in his lap. "Do you really know who Epstein is? Do you know what circumstances he was brought to Zaft in?" Cagalli stared at him, not understanding. He laughed once, a wry laugh that shook his entire frame. "When I returned to the Plants after leaving Orb, the council was still investigating Gilbert Dullindal and Talia Gladys'

death. But they had long established knowledge of a child the two had had together and had even acquired the boy." "Wait-," Her eyes widened and her face was drained of its blood. "Epstein is-," Athrun nodded, looking soberly at her. "After the war, Kira actually began searching for Epstein and spoke to the Plant Supreme Council about this child that existed. But Kira didn't know I'd already met the boy and had become the legal guardian. He didn't even know that the Supreme Council had been aware of this child's existence for longer than he had. He didn't known that they'd already found and taken the boy into Zaft. So when Kira informed the Supreme Council that he wanted to take custody of the child, as was the wishes of Talia Gladys, he didn't know it was impossible." "But even if I hadn't become the legal parent of Erlich Hoffman," Athrun told her, "The Supreme Council would have refused to allow Kira custody. They stated reasons such as that the child could not be traced, and Kira had to accept that. But in fact, they had long located the boy and put him into Zaft, afraid that he would somehow learn of his real father and want to follow in those footsteps." Athrun smiled ironically. "Perhaps that's why Epstein and I have that strange affinity. Of course, there was also the fact that, the High Council also did not want Kira Yamato to get hold of the time-bomb they viewed Epstein as. " "Why?" Cagalli asked incredulously. "What's wrong with Kira?" "The Supreme Council and the Zaft heads do not and still do not trust Kira Yamato." Athrun told her directly. "He fought against Coordinators in the Earth Alliance's uniform in the First War, didn't he? And the reasons he joined Zaft are really only because of his desire to be with Lacus Clyne. If he got hold of an impressionable young boy and taught him those wish-washy defector-style ways, as I remember one council member describing it, then the boy could well become a monster." He laughed wryly. "Dullindal, that is." "But that's unfair!" Cagalli cried. "Even if Kira made some mistakes in the past, how could they say he'd naturally pass them on to a boy he was asked to look after? Or Epstein's father's mistakes?" "I know." Athrun said aggressively. "But that's the way it is. They judged Kira without understanding the context, judged Epstein on only his parentage, and naturally, concluded that both would not be safe together. I was chosen instead. I ended up taking custody of the boy, thinking that I would have to only train him and teach

him piloting skills, since he apparently had the gift for it." "Funny how I never realised it-," He said with a queer smile. "But I was such a fool. If they had refused to let a potentially dangerous Kira Yamato meet the boy, then why me, Patrick Zala's son?" "Yes. I don't understand either." Cagalli said softly. She laid her hand softly on his clenched one. Athrun took it in his, holding it tightly. "I'll tell you why. Because Kira Yamato could never teach the boy to pilot even if a gun had been placed at the back of Kira's head. But I would teach the boy, if ordered to. And I would teach the boy to fire and kill when ordered to, just as I had been ordered to fire and kill and teach others to do the same. I was a perfect fit." "Why not other pilots?" She said brokenly. "Why did they have to make you do it?" Athrun gazed at her stricken expression. "How many pilots do you know? Only the elite in Zaft learn how to pilot. And even then, only a few make it as the more sophisticated mobile-weapon pilots because of the sheer limited supply of these weapons. Lunamaria Hawke and even Heine Westenfluss were above-average pilots and they were assigned average units. " "But surely there were other pilots?" Cagalli questioned. "Surely there were others, no matter how few there were?" "It's true." He said steadily. "But Shinn Asuka was out of the question as an instructor- he was too emotional and too shaken by the war. Kira Yamato was out of the question too- his loyalties to Zaft were too questionable. There was only myself, who had involuntarily but nevertheless, been pushed out of knew I was the best fit because I had nowhere else to go." "Besides," Athrun said wistfully, almost to himself, "Kira could not have known how to teach piloting because he is a natural at it. My expression of natural is ironic, but there is no other explanation of his gifts and abilities in the context of Kira's piloting. It is entirely instinctive to him, and he has never needed to go through the theory or the practice. He can't teach what is already in his blood. Trust me- the Supreme Council had already discovered this when they tried making him instruct the redcoats when he first joined." "No wonder." Cagalli mused. "I thought he had become the General for Defense and Military Technology only because he refused to teach piloting."

"There was that." Athrun admitted. "But other than his unwillingness, there was his inability, as strange as it seems when it concerns Kira. And Lacus, of course, didn't know about all of this, not even my being sent to the Isle with Erlich Hoffman. There was, and always is, politicking even within the council. Whatever the case, there were limited numbers of mobile-suit pilots, an even more limited number of potential instructors, and Kira Yamato and Shinn Asuka were out of the question." She listened, understanding how it had been a matter of inevitability of Athrun becoming Epstein's instructor now. "That's how limited the numbers of pilots are. Even Meyrin Hawke, who graduated in the second-upper class of recruits with her talent for technology and shooting, was only a bridge officer because of a slightly and only marginally weak constitution. The rest of the lesser performers who didn't even make it as engineers and grunts were sent off in the front-lines. They were viewed as spare parts that ships didn't need." Athrun closed his eyes. What irony that the child of Gilbert Dullindal and Talia Gladys had turned out to be one of those potential few! By the time Epstein had been sent into Zaft, his talent was hard to ignore, and Zaft believed it could use him as an ace pilot. "The top brass didn't want to reveal his identity to anyone. Not even to him, because it would cause much backlash from the people who had been rejected as pilots." "Backlash?" "Here you have the son of a madman and a Zaft captain who chickened out, as they still speak of Talia Gladys." Athrun pursed his lips. "Their son gets chosen to be a pilot even when others kill themselves to get that job. I can see how the superiors thought that all hell would break loose if they revealed his identity even to him." "If you knew you would be asked to kill while on the Isle," Cagalli asked desperately, "Why did you go with Epstein when you knew you'd eventually grow attached to him?" "At first, I thought that Epstein was also being sent to the Isle as an asylum seeker," He said quietly, "I thought my sole job concerning him was to be his instructor for three years, although not his parent. I was wary of getting too close to him, or anyone on the Isle." He paused, looking straight at her. "My agreement with the council seemed simple. I would have the space and time I needed to make Epstein Cleamont a first-class pilot here. For those three years, we used the ocean space for his training, because the unit

he'd been assigned was similar to Auel Scheider's. The amphibious model. I thought that by the end of the intended duration, I would have finished my service to Plant and Zaft." Cagalli stared at him in disbelief. She took Athrun's face in her hands, looking at him, seeing how tormented he was by how he'd rationalised and made himself go through with what he'd done to Epstein. "That was the sugar coating that I chose to believe. The real deal was that I would be set free if I could trap a person good enough to replace me within three years." Athrun closed his eyes, and she touched his cheeks gently, wanting to comfort him. He seemed to want to continue though, and Cagalli understood that it was the only way to move forward now. "I was foolish enough to make myself believe that at the end of the three years, I would be free. I even tried to get rid of the guilt by convincing myself that they weren't planning to use the boy I'd trained either. So I taught Epstein everything I knew." "Why did you believe them?" Cagalli choked. "Why did you do that?" "You see," Athrun said heavily. "I was promised that I would never be bothered by Plant or Zaft after those three years." "Then all that you've been doing," She said tentatively. "Your father's diaries, the notes you've made based on themthe collapse of the peace between Orb and the Earth Alliance as long as the Orb Head is held captive for long enough or even killed if necessary-," "I wouldn't harm you." He said somberly. "I wanted to have you- I wanted to keep you alive. How could I make plans to harm you?" Cagalli felt him taking her hands and warming those with his. She looked away, knowing that he was pleading with her, even if silently, to believe him. "That's why I was even there on the SS Rafael that night." Athrun revealed. "I had learnt that your life was threatened by the Danish terrorists. I knew that they were making plans to harm you." She shrank back, feeling the grip of his hands on hers tighten. "Believe me when I say I never wanted to bring you here to the Isle." Athrun begged. "I had my duties from Zaft even then, and I was to protect you and bring you to the Isle according to orders. I was supposed to obtain your consent and hide you on the Isle to prevent the terrorists from harming you. But that was not even part of my plans."

"Then what were your plans?" Cagalli asked in consternation. "Aren't I here on the Isle anyway? When you appeared that night, I was so bewildered and I panicked- I- I didn't know what was going on and by the time I woke up, I was here." "My plans were the opposite of my orders from the Intelligence Council." Athrun admitted. "I wanted to take you away with me; away from the place I was to bring you to. The vehicle was under my control at that time, and I'd readied Epstein and myself to bring you to Lyon." "Why Lyon?" She questioned. "There is a small house in the countryside of France that I was bequeathed." Athrun answered. "I thought it would take some time before the Intelligence Council realized what I'd done and it would take an even longer time for the terrorists to guess where you'd disappeared to." "Were they trying to kill me that night?" Cagalli asked fearfully. "There was something going on below the deck, and I wanted to go and you wouldn't let me see. And you brought me here to the Isle anyway, so-" "That's because you ended up shooting yourself and I had no choice because you needed medical attention. Lyon was too far awayreaching France would mean risking your life more than it already was. There was no choice for me except to follow my orders," Athrun looked at her directly. "But know this. It doesn't matter where we are. Even if we had made it to Lyon, I would have still kept you with me. I would not have let you return to Orb immediately." She stood up, backing away, pushing his hands from hers. "That's insane! If I stay here with you and you keep me from returning to Orb, a war will arise! And if the Earth Alliance fights against Orb, Plant will be forced to intervene! That is surely not part of your orders, is it? To make Plant get mixed up in all of this?" "I know," Athrun said evenly, looking at her quietly. "It's selfish, but I want to be. Why shouldn't I be? Orb's taken you away. They've forced you to be their pillar and given you nothing but sorrow in return. At least, you'll be safe on the Isle, and I'll let you return, just in time, by the end of the six months." She shook her head, trying to remain calm. "Why didn't you tell me from the start? I'm the cause of this, aren't I? You weren't thinking of your duties when you took me here." "No." He admitted. Athrun looked away. "I just wanted to speak to you once more and to make you trust me again."

"But if you weren't trying to start a war and you were on board to meet me again, then why couldn't you say so?" Cagalli demanded. "Why couldn't you just tell me there and then?" "I couldn't." He said gently, rising and moving towards her, leading her back to where they had sat. "Think about it. There was clearly something dangerous happening below deck. If I told you what was going on, you'd have rushed below, without any doubt. And that's what the terrorists would have planned, and that's when you'd have been captured or even killed." "They've made attempts on my life before." She whispered. "You knew. You recorded those down and even aided them. How can you say I'm safe here? Each time I leave this place, you prevent me from seeing where we are going until we get there. And for those weeks when I was trapped in a room-," With some effort, Athrun calmed her down, hushing her by nodding and indicating that he would tell her what his intentions had been. "How did you know they would try to kill me that night? Or those attempts on my life?" Cagalli asked doubtfully. "For about a year, I had been making use of a spy to hear of their plans." Athrun informed her. "All I could hear was rough, almost estimated hearsay. That was why the incidents you survived were such close shaves- they were always a matter of luck and coincidence. If I had somehow arranged for security to be ten times tighter, they would have realised something was amiss and killed the spy." "And who was the spy?" Cagalli asked in trepidation. He looked at her straight in the eye. "Lyra Delphius." Cagalli stared at him in shock, but he continued, knowing that the difficulty of continuing was not as painful as letting any doubt linger. "I met her some time during my second year on the Isle. She operated a small flower stall while keeping in contact with some other girls from the brothel she'd grown up in." Athrun seemed to become more withdrawn. "Lyra convinced the brothel owner that she could earn more money doing a legitimate business. When I met her, I paid and redeemed her. She was indebted to me and I was lonely, and we started a relationship. She reminded me of you, a little at times. But she was very different, very strong-minded, of course, but more quiet and haunted by the world." "Lyra Delphius."Cagalli said, entranced by the name.

"She was the only one who called me Athrun here." He said quietly, regretfully. "I asked her to." "Why?" "Because I didn't want her to love a person I hated." "Rune Estragon." Cagalli said, understanding finally. He gazed at her. "And also because I couldn't stop myself from wanting to remember you." He stood up, pacing. She reached out, pulling him back, trying to steady him. "All I could think of when I first met her was you." Cagalli said slowly, fighting the twinge of pain and jealousy, "I knew you must have been with someone who looked similar by the end of the night at Rochester's." "Yes." Athrun admitted. "I'm not sure if I was attracted to her by how similar she looked at certain angles and in that light, but I eventually accepted her for who she was. When I met her, she was running a small orchard and flower shop, but she was also having trouble with some thugs at that time." "Through helping her, I found out that she had been brought up by the local whorehouse and she had narrowly escaped her fate there. At the same time, I realised that she had information about Greyfriars through a friend of hers, who she often met up with. Greyfriars was more than a Coordinator running from radical Naturals- he was also a Danish terrorists who'd rounded up many who wanted independence for Denmark and were willing to do drastic things to earn it. That's when I knew Lyra was of more use to me than I'd ever realised." He paused, looking at how she was taking it, but her eyes, while wideopen, were guarded. He knew what she was thinking, and he could not help agreeing. He had never deserved Lyra. Athurn had used her in so many ways, never loving her properly even after he had left her. But in a certain way, Athrun reflected, that had been the best thing he had given Lyra- her freedom and his honesty, as she'd demanded of it. "Was that why you married her?" Cagalli asked quietly. "I didn't marry her because I wanted more information from her. All that information was coincidence anyway, and she didn't even know the significance of those recounts even at the end." Athrun said tightly. "But my reasons for marrying her were probably worse. As the third year drew to a close, I thought that starting a new life with her would be the final thing to my forgetting the past."

"What was she like as your wife?" Cagalli asked softly. Not really seeing what lay beneath her question, Athrun answered straightforwardly and truthfully. "I couldn't ask for more. I was never around much, even though I'd given her a small house in a neighbourhood of some other Isle-dwellers with their own bungalows. When I came to her, she never asked where I'd been or why I'd left her for two months. But of course, when we really quarreled over anything, it was over the things I could not reveal to her. My past, the people I worked with-," "And that took a toll on the marriage?" She said softly. Cagalli recalled all she'd done to Athrun and knew with a sinking heart, that she could not compare to Lyra, who'd given unconditionally. "Yes, if you could call it one at all." Athrun answered, not sensing Cagalli's sadness. "At times, I couldn't bear to bring harm to her by being near her, and I kept away from that house- from that life I still wanted. If the wrong people realised that she was my wife and that she was actually a spy for me, she would have gotten into a lot of harm. That was the same reason for why I chose to leave her by the end of the fourth year on the Isle. If we hadn't separated, they would have used her against me. But there was also the fact that I had never really loved her for who she was." "She would have helped you forget the past." Cagalli whispered, more to herself than him. She still could not reconcile with the fact that he had been married. It made her wonder what it might have been like, if she was still back in Orb, and he hadn't come to the Isle but went back to Plant and married someone else there. "You should have left with her after your third year had passed." "Impossible. I used her while hating myself, aware that I was treating her kindly without even really meaning it. When I bought a small house and set her up somewhere, she was thrilled." Athrun told her reluctantly. "I should have realised then that I was doing something so cruel and so pointless for both of us." His voice broke a little. "There was also the issue of Zaft planning to use Epstein as a replacement for me. And when the third year ended, I knew I couldn't leave the Isle just yet, because I was also worried about Epstein. With his abilities, he would be more susceptible to Plant's political plans. And while they didn't seem to be planning a war or anything, I didn't want him to do what I'd done on the Isle." "When they realised that I didn't want Epstein to be my replacement, Plant persuaded me to stay for a while more- indefinitely, in fact. And I

agreed, hoping that I would teach Epstein to think for himself and warn him of the dangers of being sucked into ideology that didn't correspond with his own beliefs." "Did that confuse him?" Cagalli asked quietly. "First you teach him to pilot, to hurt and to kill, and then you tell him not to. Weren't those the same struggles you had to go through?" "It wasn't easy." Athrun admitted. "Especially since he was set on following my footsteps, as he understood it vaguely, and joining the redcoats as soon as possible. In the second year I was on the Isle, Zaft suddenly promoted him by giving him a FAITH membership and redcoat status all at once." He shook his head. "It was an obvious plot to make me less willing to leave by making Epstein even more fervent about serving the Plants. And when Epstein finally promised me he would not sacrifice his life for Zaft unless he believed he had a good reason for doing so, I planned to leave the Isle with Lyra." "Then why didn't you?" Cagalli questioned. "That was when your contract had just ended, right? Why did you stay for nearly another four years?" "Because I learnt of what the terrorists were finally going to try and do as a last resort when the fourth year ended." Athrun said despondently. "I did all I could from where I was-," He cast an eye over the files, "Gathering information and trying to prevent the attacks from working. Of course, it wasn't just through Lyra." He laughed once. "Of course, the Intelligence Council did the smart thing and told me too. They laid out the facts- that your life was being threatened, that I had a choice of extending my contract and preventing harm from being caused to you, and that an indefinite stay on the Isle was better than leaving and knowing that they'd be risking your life. And they even threw in more pay." Cagalli saw him smile bitterly and he shook his head. "Because I couldn't watch and let you be brought to be a sacrifice in starting another war, I pledged allegiance to Zaft again. Because I couldn't bear the thought of you dying when I could at least try to save you, I decided to stay on. And because I could not look at Lyra and give her more false hope, I left her." Cagalli felt tears build in her eyes. "But how could you? She gave you everything, didn't she-?" "I know." Athrun said heavily. "But I still couldn't love her as more than a friend. I felt guilty for having made use of her. For those reasons, I was determined to not look at you and be moved ever again. That failed too."

No wonder he had been so cold, so removed! Cagalli had automatically assumed it had been because of her betrayal and how she'd ejected him from Orb against his will and his right to stay. But it had run deeper than that. "Some time after you arrived here," Athrun revealed, "I met her again. All this time, she wasn't even aware of who you were. She was probably some illegitimate child two Isledwellers had here and abandoned, as quite a few of them are. Some grow up here as natives, not knowing anything outside it- she's one of them. Even when she died, Lyra never even knew who you were or why I would call out to someone else in my sleep." "How did she die?" Cagalli ventured to ask. Her fingers were trembling in his. Athrun looked at her weakly. "Poisoned- the terrorists found out that she had given me information about them and didn't want a weak link. And when I found her, I had to do the same thing I did to Corriolis to put her out of her pain." She could see it then, the way Athrun must have held Lyra tenderly and then shot her in her heart, looking away because he did not want to see her die by his own hands. That had been the night he had returned to the Manor and held his breath under water, trying to remind himself that he was still human. While there was only a slight grief in his expression, it was enough indication of his inconsolable state. Athrun would never forgive himself for that. Now, Athrun stood up, pulling her over to him and pressing her body to his as they moved against the sofa. He gently arranged her against him, holding her in his arms, beginning to speak again. "I left her because I didn't want to put her in anymore risk. But in doing so, I actually destroyed her. I left her unguarded when they must have found her and poisoned her." Athrun told Cagalli. Her voice was muffled against him, and Athrun knew Cagalli was holding back her tears. "What did you do after you left her?" "I became the spy myself." Athrun answered steadily. "That's how I knew what they were really doing even in the most minute detail. That's how I knew when to be on the SS Rafael. I did things to ensure their trust, gain their leader's support, and basically became one of them. Eventually, that included shooting Lyra, although they didn't realize that I did it out of mercy and not malice. I couldn't even shed a tear for her, because they would have connected everything almost too quickly."

He sensed her fear and gripped her shoulders, his eyes earnest and his face pale. "I joined them so I could see you again." Athrun said, his voice tense. "I know you will push me away for telling you this. To have met you that night, I went through years of helping them. I needed to convince the Danish terrorists that I was on their side, and that I believed in their cause. It would have been very difficult convincing them that I supported their cause in terms of the ideology, since I'm obviously not a Danish nationalist. Instead, I offered them a business proposal." He smiled, and it was filled with loathing and misery. His eyes could not look into hers. "I agreed to fund their research into explosives and chemical weapons as long as the shared the information with me and the companies I had acquired to make these weapons." Athrun told her. She did recoil from him, and he fought back the guilt and hurt even. Her voice was shaking. "I haven't heard much that I can trust completely about what's going on in Scandinavia. But I know they've killed schoolchildren with their explosions and protests. How could you work with people who'd kill innocent ones?" "At that time, I realised that if I could learn what they were doing, I could mitigate those while pretending to be collecting information for them about you." He said wearily."It was more effective than refusing to work with them. And they accepted me into their circle, not so much as one of them, but a sponsor, if you like. But I knew that they wanted to kidnap you, kill you for their cause, even." Athrun breathed deeply, and she knew how difficult his years had been, filled with secrets that were being spilled to her now, in a single hour. "I told them that I knew how to bring you back to the Isle." He said softly, brushing his lips against her ear. "And how to make you go without much of a struggle. They liked this offer, because they knew they had roughly two hundred other bodyguards to deal with that night. There were about fifty very important, high-profile guests on the SS Maverick and fending off the bodyguards required nearly all their efforts. It made more sense to assign one person to find the Orb Princess and tranquilize her." "You were that person." Cagalli said, realising how the events had transpired that night. "But surely, they must have known that you had other motivations for volunteering for such a job."

"I also convinced them that they needed me, and not vice versa. It was set up as a business proposal. Given that I had once been your bodyguard and knew your combat weaknesses, it would be simple to disarm you and hand you over to them. That's why I was allowed to go along with them to the SS Rafael that night." "That's insane!" Cagalli cried, thinking of the sacrifices he must have made. "You would have had to wait here, living here alone, waiting for an opportunity to present itself, working with people you hate, those terrorists who wanted to capture me. You worked with them and then betrayed them just so I would be by your side! What were you thinking, Athrun?" "That I'd be damned if I let you die without me meeting you again." He said patiently. "They would have killed you if I didn't convince them that using you as a live captive would capture more fear. I persuaded them that if you died rightaway, a thousand other terrorist groups would claim they'd done it." He looked at her wanly. "I toyed with the idea of bringing you to me before they could lay their hands on you. To do that, I flouted the rules of the Isle. Long before I met you on the SS Rafael, I switched a pen you got for a present to watch out for possible threats to you." "But that means that you betrayed the terrorists." Cagalli said in surprise. "For one, you did bring me back to the Isle, but I wasn't handed over to them. You kept me in your manor for all that time." "I've told you already." Athrun said firmly. "I wanted you with me. My original plan was to abandon the game I was playing with Greyfriars. I was also prepared to flee from the Isle and Zaft's duties. Basically, I was going to be a double-crosser that night, except that you shot yourself first." She paused, tensing a little. "So you did bring me here for your own reasons then." "Perhaps." Athrun conceded. "That night, when you were on the royal yacht, I came to you. During that time, they hijacked the yacht. I was there, pretending to aid them in capturing you. But I wanted to ensure your safety from them. By sheer luck, you went to the deck and I followed." "No wonder you tried to convince me from returning to the halls, where they must have been looking for me." Cagalli muttered. "You knew what was happening all along. Letting me go below deck would have been me rushing into the crossfire." "You actually wanted to," He said dryly. "Good god. You're lucky in so

many ways, Cagalli. You've escaped death so many times." Cagalli shivered. "What about the locked car and the records you kept of the years before I went to the Isle? What happened that day?" "You were meant to die on that day." He said heavily. "You never even realised that someone was looking out for you through Shinn. You thought it was a coincidence, didn't you? The person who sent Aaron there was Shinn because he asked to speak to you, remember? You never realised Shinn was there for a reason." She stared, her eyes growing wider. "But that's not all." He said slowly. "If I told you of every attempt they made, you would never sleep well again. After I understood that they were tired of trying to get you in Orb, but wanted to kidnap you and sacrifice you for their curse, I knew I had to save you first." She shook her head, trying to take in everything. "So you've been fending off people away from the Manor, the same terrorists who have been trying to capture me again?" "Yes." Athrun said directly. "And that was why I couldn't let you out of the Manor. If they had caught sight of you, it would have been all for nothing." "And why did you forbid me from knowing anything about the Isle?" Cagalli demanded. "If you had explained it to me-," "True. You would have trusted me more," Athrun admitted. "But I couldn't give away the secrets of all the asylum-seekers, no matter how much I despised some of them. If information were to leak out that they were here, not just some anti-Coordinator naturals would want their blood. Even some Coordinators want them dead." She nodded, accepting his reasons."And there is another obvious reason why. If the terrorists realised that I knew the location of the Isle, they and even the Isle-inhabitants would have killed me." He nodded. "That's what nearly happened." Cagalli said ruefully, finally understanding. "Because you didn't hand me over although you'd agreed to, they thought you might have revealed some kind of information to me. So they sent a person here to kill me." She was feeling a terrible weight on her chest, but she embraced it gladly because she was finally understanding Athrun.

He reached a pale hand out to her and she flinched, but he stroked her face very gently with the back of his hand. "At one point, they were sure that you had found out. They knew that we had once been lovers. I told them that to convince them that I could bring you back here in one piece. My plan, as you know, was to defect and hide you away. But you hurt yourself, and I had to bring you to the Isle. During that time, they grew suspicious and thought I'd told you of them. Decant Corriolis was sent in to kill you for that reason." He hung his head, and her heart ached for him. Slowly, she caressed his face with her hands and held it up to her, looking into his eyes. "I didn't want to kill him." Athrun muttered. "But I couldn't let them kill you. Not then- not when they insisted that I hand you over to them once you had recovered. How could I let go of you when I had only just met you again? I couldn't. I invented excuse after excuse, reason after reason to justify why I had to keep you with me. Greyfriars has been buying those excuses for a long time now, even when his followers are starting to get impatient." "What did you tell them?" Cagalli asked, pale-faced. "It started off with you being injured and medical attention being required. When you had recovered, I told them I was extracting information from you, and got them to believe me. But it grew more and more difficult." There was suffering in his face, and she thought of a lion she had seen in a circus cage as a child. Its face was unflinching as the circus master flicked his whip, but the sorrow in its face had something of a blind and mute pain in it. A pain nobody except the beast could understand but not tell anyone of. He kissed her forehead. "The Isle is a place for those who want to leave their pasts behind them, for those who can afford to lave their pasts behind them and buy a new identity. I bought mine with the freedom I might have had for nearly seven years." "A new life?" She questioned. She looked around at the place. "This?" "That's what I wanted to believe."He said, with a strange look coming into his face."I bought my identity by giving up a life as Athrun Zala. You saw those letters Kira sent, didn't you? I stopped contact with him and Lacus a week before I came here. I've not kept in contact with them or anyone from the past since then. Those who come to The Isle all do the same. They buy new names and new lives with money, perhaps, and the opportunities they might have had as themselves."

His fingers wound themselves into her hair and he gazed into her face. "The life I would have led as Athrun Zala had little freedom in itself. I would have spent my time serving the High Council when in reality; they would have only doubted me for as long as I lived." "But as Rune Estragon, you have to distance yourself from the rest of the world," Cagalli argued, "Alone, here-," "Don't you do that as well?" He said musingly. "As the Orb Princess? Isn't it fitting that we both meet here again, and that we now know each other as Athrun Zala and Cagalli Yula Atha?" Cagalli bit her lips. "I still think you should have left with Lyra, and maybe, warned me outside The Isle. Or you might have contacted Plant and gotten them to contact me." "I couldn't." He said dryly. "Plant can't get involved with Scandinavia openly. You know that. Or the Isle either." It was true. In the state of foreign affairs, Plant was tiptoeing around most of Earth Alliance and Orb's affairs. Forcefully entering the Earth Alliance territories was certainly going o be dangerous enough for another war to start. It was even more difficult that Scandinavia did not acknowledge the existence of terrorists, and so Plant could not enter it without a valid reason to. "And everybody on The Isle is a Coordinator or of Coordinator descent. Every last one of them." "Even the terrorists?" "Even them. And the Earth Alliance would not have liked Plant dealing with any of their colonies- nobody wants to quarrel. If Plant tried to seize the Isle, it would seem like Plant trying to regain a pocket of Coordinators and a nice piece of Earth's territory as well. You know how dangerous that is." She nodded, trying to absorb everything and the burden he had carried for so long. "I contacted Plant, nonetheless. I was persuaded to stay on so that I could infiltrate the terrorists' circle and influence their decision in kidnapping you. But to do that, I had to gain their trust, and Rune Estragon funded their research activities. Of course, the funds were secretly part of Plant's work. I left Lyra because I did not want to pull her down in this. And eventually, I gained enough trust from Greyfriars, and that was how I appeared with them that day, on the SS Rafael." "If they were so eager to bring attention to the cause," Cagalli said doubtfully, "Why me? Any other highprofile figure, even those within

Scandinavia, would have achieved the same purpose." "They did try that." Athrun said regretfully. "But it was silenced." "There was the Crown Princess' husband-," Cagalli recalled. "The terrorists realized that anyone less important or less internationallyrecognized than the Orb Princess was ineffective. The Swedish Royals ultimately control what information goes in and out of Scandinavia." Athrun told her. "Remember how the previous terrorist attacks were always silenced? It took a whole schoolhouse massacre for any drip of information to leave Scandinavia." "Oh-," She remembered. "Yes." "But nobody can deny the Orb Princess' disappearance," Athrun said confidently. "And in fact, there is no better way to bring world attention to a very small region in Scandinavia by taking an international figure there." "Would they have killed me if you'd handed me over?" Cagalli whispered. "They already decided to shortly after I brought you to the Isle. After all, your role had been completed. Orb was going to storm into Scandinavia to find you, and for the first time in ages, Orb was in a dispute with Earth Alliance. They had no more need of you, as the man who came into your bedroom said- if anything, you would be a hindrance if you returned to Orb at all. They'd already achieved their end by bringing you to the Isle, through me." She shuddered, thinking of how vehemently Athrun had kept her from returning. He'd done everything in his power to keep her from escaping, knowing that she had no way of doing it without being caught by the terrorists first and dying for it. She had not understood him then, but now she did. "I couldn't ship you back to Orb secretly either. If you were back in Orb, the whole world would know you were safe. That would have been openly double-crossing the group I'd sworn allegiance to." He said quietly. "They would have killed me. I was afraid to die because I would never meet you and tell you what you meant to me ever again." She thought of how impatient his kisses had been when she'd first arrived, how he'd forced the truth out of her, how desperately he had reacted when she had lost her speech after witnessing a murder. How many had Athrun killed for the purpose of protecting her? "I thought you were harming me." Cagalli confessed. "That I was just another obstacle in your path to something you wouldn't even let me

know about. I was so confused and hurt with all the secrets- and I never understood why you brought me here and why you locked me in that room for that period of time." He knew he didn't have to explain anymore about the refugees he'd brought into his house. It was enough that she understood this much. Anymore would be unncecessary, and his telling her about Erik Strumsson and the Halfs the Isle had received would only make her want to leave sooner. Athrun looked at her and realized that even now, he was afraid of her leaving when he needed her so much. She was tracing his lips with her fingers, her eyes lowered, and her breath warm against his. He took away those hands, staring at Cagalli. "I knew that I wanted to be the one who met you on the yacht that night, and that I wanted to tell you that I was innocent and I'd never killed anyone in Orb. I wanted you to accept me again and to let me save you- to bring you away to Lyon, where I'd hoped you'd be safe for some time. But I never wanted to hurt you." His voice broke. She brought her arms around him, finally able to grasp what it meant to love Athrun Zala. Cagalli kissed him, trying to feel him respond against her, and slowly, he began to reciprocate. She whispered, "You've always done everything for me, haven't you? You came here because of me, and you stayed here because of me. Every person you had to kill, you did it to protect me. Look at me, please, I-," He gazed at her and saw that her eyes were filled with tears. Athrun brushed them away with his fingers, stroking her face, and she whispered, "I want to live for you. You've lived for me, all these years- I want to do the same for you." "You already have,' He said firmly, "Every time you put your arms around me and told me that you belonged to me, I knew I was doing what I was meant to do. I was meant to be used by you, to be given to you, I resisted but I failed so many times- I'd always return to you even if you cast me aside." "You belong to me." She told him, smiling faintly. "You belong to me now, and I won't let you leave me even if you want to." And Athrun raised his hand to her, stroking her mouth with his thumb, his other fingers framing her face. "I'm not going anywhere if you don't." His voice had lost its ability to remain toneless and now it hurt her to hear

him address her with more tenderness than she deserved. She held his hand, pressing it to her cheek. "You've been alone all this time, haven't you? Here on the Isle, waiting for that night when you took me back here. You were always afraid to let me know anything about the place, and about you. But both our plans failed." "Yes," He said roughly, drawing her into his arms, his heart swelling with emotion and anguish. "I had only thought of your safety at first. I knew I couldn't convince them to leave you alone- the best I could do was to convince them that a live captive served their purposes, rather than a person who any terrorist group would claim they'd killed if they managed to. So I volunteered to help them bring you back, and then I brought you to my Manor instead of theirs, to keep you safe. But then I began to feel for you again, and I couldn't let anyone else have you." She pulled herself away, although not entirely. Her eyes were brimming with tears, but there was the same strength in her face and her mouth was pleading and trembling. He had a hold on her, Cagalli understood. A thread that bound them together, a thread she'd tried to cut so many times before. But not anymore. Without a word, she knelt, reaching for the last button on his shirt, giving in to the inexplicable heat and lust in her. But it was more than that- it was not mere desire but need now. And Cagalli undid it, and moved to the one above it. His fingers found hers, and their eyes stared at each other. "Let me be with you." Cagalli beseeched him, "I want to please you. I don't want anything in return. Just let me be by your side, even if you begin to hate me during this hour or after that." "No." Athrun said gently, pulling her hands away from his waist. "You were right for refusing to let me take all of you for each contract we made. I can't do this to you." "But I'm not asking to return to Orb." Cagalli begged. She looked up at him, and he saw that her lower lip was quivering with emotion. "I'm only asking that you take me and let me please you for once." He stared at her, and she kissed him hesitantly. It was nevertheless powerful and evocative and he found himself being explored by her, a fearlessness in the way she parted his lips with hers, pulling him even closer. Good lord, what could a man do with someone like her?

He let go of her fingers, cupping her waist as she dutifully slid her hands under his shirt, one after the other, and peeled his top above and away from him. As she set it beside them on the couch, Athrun tried to refuse her again. He placed a hand on hers and shook his head mutely. Her eyes dimmed but stubbornly, Cagalli drew near once more. While the room was unheated and the lack of a shirt made this clearer, he felt feverish with her stroking his abdomen and chest with her palms, kissing his shoulder and pressing herself towards him. She would not give in to his reluctance. More intently now, he shifted her aside, ignoring the roar of disapproval his body sent with the distance he created between them. Athrun looked at her cautiously. "You-," "I want you to." She whispered. "We've never before. We were too young to know what we were doing then. We were too silly chasing wars and power for the sake of our dead fathers." "Cagalli." He said softly, with hesitation, "We shouldn't do this, you shouldn't-," She trembled, still pressing her mouth to his shoulder. Her eyes were wide and golden, and she reached to his thigh, stroking his flesh through the material of his pants with her soft hand. "Why? I can, so why shouldn't I?" Athrun turned away from her, trying to steel himself and the flush of warmth and desire that was beginning to spread from every crevice of his body. "It's not the same anymore." She said steadily. "I know who you are now, and I'm sober enough to know what I want. I'm not trying to satisfy myself and try to forget you by having some kind of fling that puts the past to sleep. We're not reviving the past- not when we're in the present now." Still, Athrun shook his head a little, and her voice shook. "Why?" Cagalli said tremblingly. "I don't want anything in return for this, I only want you to love me. I know I'm not like anyone you must have had in the past, but I-," His voice was harsh as he interrupted her. "Don't you dare compare yourself to the others." She looked away, thinking of the selflessness that Lyra had shown him even while Cagalli had forced him into such pain. Even the other women he had loved for a few hours would probably have given him more than what Cagalli could ever give.

And she bit her lips, trying not to cry. His hand found its way to her cheek as he made her look at him. His voice was still rough, but his eyes were tender. "You're worth more than all of them put together." Then delicately, he took her face to his, laying a kiss on her lips. In the back of his mind, Athrun was aware that the scent of his musky cologne on the cardigan had mixed with her lighter, more floral scent, and the combination on her skin was irresistible. He'd vaguely noticed it when he'd wrestled it off her earlier, and now the creamy flesh of her arms made him shiver. He ran his fingers along each bare shoulder as she closed her eyes, breathing shakily. He unbuttoned her dress with deft fingers, kissing her now and not breaking away. While Cagalli desponded eagerly, deepening the kiss, she felt his fingers shift to her waist, pulling apart the dress. Blushing, she reached for his belt and began pulling it away, and she flung it to the couch in response to his undressing her. He bent and began to kiss her forehead, a gentle, chaste kiss. But then, Athrun could not resist pulling her to him, catching her in his arms and deepening the kiss he laid on her lips once more. As Cagalli busied herself with exploring his mouth, he found the clasp at her back and undid her brassiere, slowly pulling it off her chest and arms, then throwing it to the couch. It joined the other articles of clothing they had already freed each other of. Then she pulled herself away, gazing at him, blushing slightly, shielding her bareness with her hands, which proved less than sufficient. "What's the matter?" Athrun said, a bit tensely. She only shook her head slightly, looking bashful as she moved off the couch slowly, then knelt. Her voice was trembling a little, although he did not think much of it. "I'm supposed to do this now, aren't I?" He did not sense her unsureness because he was already enraptured with her. Athrun got up too and stepped forward slowly, her fingers reached to undo his pants and he felt them pool at his knees. But Cagalli lowered them even more to his ankles, and she sat up a little more in her kneeling position. She began reaching out to stroke him while she rested and rubbed her cheek against his left thigh. As she grasped and rubbing at him, he groaned, balancing the weight of her head against his hip a little more with the help of his left arm. But he made a

decision and pushed her by her shoulders. Breathing unsteadily, Cagalli felt her back thud soft against the furs of the carpet and felt him kneel next to, then over her. She blushed, a little embarrassed. Shifting down now, he parted her thighs and began kissing her abdomen. Athrun heard her laugh nervously, and he whispered huskily, "What's the matter now?" Cagalli murmured, "Wasn't I supposed to-," "That can wait." He said swiftly, running his fingers over his hips. He tugged at the remaining article of clothing she wore, hearing her gasp a little, and that made him pause. "I rather do this first. But shall I stop?" He felt her shake her head. "No, I didn't mean that-," Her hands shifted his head to her, and teasingly, he licked at her, knowing that she was unlikely to be satisfied with that. True enough, she started shivering again, and he caved in as she pleaded with him in strange, soft sounds that were partially-formed words. He brought his mouth closer to her, tasting, stroking, locating her sensitive nub as she trembled with sensation, too impatient to pull the cloth from her legs completely. Her little sounds of gratification grew louder, and she hissed, slick with desire. He whispered, "Tell me what you're thinking." She shifted a little, hands by her head, palms facing the ceiling. She leaned her head back fitfully as she gazed towards him. "I-," Her voice caught and she gasped quietly once, her eyes feeling wet with pleasure. "It feels right." "Good," He whispered, touching her again. Then Athrun was exploring her as she'd intended to do to him, aware of every pant and murmur that spilled from her lips, a thousand times more sensitive to every spasm that she experienced as she reared violently. She leaned back, gasping quietly, twisting suddenly and then becoming still. She watched him move away, and she was aware that her cheeks were burning, even though she had experienced this with him before. But Athrun, thankfully, did not quite catch her sudden awkwardness. Instead, he knelt above her, looking hesitantly at her. Now, she felt Athrun moving up to her. Her voice was hushed, and she parted her lips to whisper. "Come closer to me."

Hissing a little, Athrun got up to stand and undress entirely now, kicking aside the pants to a place he cared little about. When he dropped himself to his knees, coming closer as she'd asked, he pressed himself against her lips, bidding her to touch him. She was already parting her lips, and her tongue was stroking all she could manage, her mouth tasting and swallowing him as he groaned. As she gazed into his eyes and he rooted his hands in her hair and cried out, she nibbled, grazing him with her teeth. When she focused on him, her tongue wrecking havoc, he reached beneath to her head, pressing her closer to him. Kneeling there, he cracked open one eye, watching her as she brought her head up a little more, his hands cradling the back of her head. Her hands were splayed on his thighs, his knees hard against the carpet because he was kneeling, her mouth and her lips teasing and baiting him. Her hands were gentler and more tentative than what he'd expected, but that change made him desire her even more. It didn't occur to him that she was nervous, and even if he sensed it a little, he didn't think it was abnormal for Cagalli, who had only just learnt of the secrets he'd kept within this room for so long. While she touched him, Athrun closed his eyes, lost to the sensations of her soft palms rubbing against him. Inevitably, Cagalli remembered how he reacted when she had done this with him. Panicking inwardly, she tried to remember what had followed next when she'd taken peeks at some chapters she had really been supposed to skip in that archive of sensational stories she'd borrowed from Aaron. But her mind drew a blank even as Athrun made a small, desperate sound of pleasure and shifted away from her. "Forgive me," He said softly, cradling her. "I know you're another person's, but I can't stop now, I-" Cagalli looked up at him, her expression a bit unsure, but something undeniably sultry about her eyes. "I've never wanted anyone else, except you." She moved her hand from his hardened thigh to hold him again, making him shiver with need and anticipation. She sat up as he moved away, still on his knees, then laid carefully by her side. He smiled a little at her and she tried to return it even thought her heart seemed to be pounding against her throat, and flustered, she resumed touching him. She kept her hands gentle against him, watching him close his eyes and lie back, her head resting on his chest, and she hoped it would buy her some time to remember what to do.

He seemed to be shivering a little, and suddenly, a nervous thought struck at Cagalli. Her touch seemed to be igniting the impatience that he had controlled up until now. Contrary to what she had hoped, his body did not relax but seemed to become tenser. She looked at the straight lines of his form, the cruelness of his silhouette despite its lean, almost slim appearance, and the body that was capable of crushing and tearing others apart. Nervously, she tried to bring her hand away, suddenly unsure of how to continue. But Athrun was certainly not keen on that, for he opened his eyes, using his right hand to hold her hand firmly in place. She only looked at him, her cheeks rosy and asked shyly. "What should I do next?" That question was not the first one she had asked, and in surprise, he stared at her. There was something frightened and unsure about her that he could not ignore anymore. Was it really simple nervousness, Athrun wondered? She had cast her eyes away from his, and he could not read her expression, but he sensed that the last of a faade she had possibly worn had vanished. He considered what she she'd said all over again, and then in amazement, Athrun articulated his thoughts, "You've never done this before?" She looked away, afraid. "Not with anyone- no. I've haven't done anything actually, with anyone." "But-," He said hoarsely, "You told me that Marlin-," "I lied." Cagalli said shakily. "I knew you were jealous of him and that made you agree to the contract. But if I told you that I hadn't been with another, you wouldn't have touched me, would you? You wouldn't have wanted me if another man hadn't already taken me. How else could I make you trade the information?" Athrun began to laugh quietly, then louder until he was shaking with the thought of how silly she had been, and yet, how cleverly she had managed to incite jealousy in him even then. But Cagalli stared at him, confused, and he hastened to explain. "You thought I wouldn't want you if you were inexperienced?" Then he pulled her towards him and laid her on the carpet, resting a cushion under her head. Her eyes gazed into him, and she whispered, "Was I wrong?" "Very." He said tenderly, stroking her lips and tracing her mouth. "It wouldn't

make a difference. I've always wanted you." "But I've never done this before," She said, gasping as he laid next to her and bit slightly into her neck. His hands were moving over her, causing dozens of little fissions of heat to build agonizingly under her skin. "I'm not sure if I can please you." He raised himself over her and his hair covered the sides of his face like a curtain of midnight. Intrigued by how beautiful he was, Cagalli reached up and wound her fingers in his hair. Athrun's voice was a whisper. "Were you afraid all this time?" She nodded. And in a husky tone but somewhat understandingly now, Athrun kissed her cheek and spoke. "I see. So what do you know about what we're about to do?" Cagalli coloured, wondering how to broach the subject. But he was being so straightforward, so gentle, and so candid that she found no room to be unnecessarily embarrassed. "I don't know much, except that- that- men don't like inexperienced partners-," She trailed off in a whisper, utterly losing her boldness now. He laughed gently, kissing her forehead. "Who's been telling you old wives' tales? That was only spun up to frighten daughters from being too eager to jump into bed with any hormonal boys who showed interest in them." Athrun leant closer, holding her face in his hands as he looked directly at her. Her heart was thumping, and they could both sense her apprehension, but his next words set her at ease. "Don't look at me like I won't be here with you in the morning, and don't look at me like I'd ever push you away, now that you've agreed to be here with me." She shivered, trying to come to terms with what she had understood so far. "But the first time will always hurt, and won't that make it a turn-off?" He smiled humorously. "Maybe. I've never really thought about it." "That's because you're not female." Cagalli said pointedly. He laughed candidly. "If you really want me to admit it, I can vouch that my first time was a mess. But that didn't make me a social outcast or a convict or something. It's just another old wives' tale, I suppose." "Damn you Aaron!" She cried in embarrassment, realizing she'd revealed the full extent of her ignorance. "All that chick-lit with the unreal, mind-blowing encounters! I

should have known all that was fiction anyway!" And awkwardly, she looked at Athrun, who began to chuckle disarmingly and spoke. When he did, his voice was a sensual whisper that sent thrills everywhere in her body. "I can tell you what's not fiction though." "What?" She said unsurely. "That I need you." He said simply. As Athrun trailed kisses over her shoulder now and bit a little into her neck, she moaned but twisted away, looking at him with wide, slightly apprehensive eyes. "After this- does it get rougher?" "Were you afraid that I would hurt you?" He said teasingly, letting go of her momentarily and propping himself on one bent elbow to stare at her. Cagalli nodded eagerly, almost keen to confirm that she had not listened to a drunk and possibly crazy Aaron in vain. "I've heard stories that frightened me- even when they concerned experienced girls. The secretary for one of the ministers often comes into the office with bruises and cuts and she says those are accidents and rope burn marks and-." She trembled, looking at him wide, frightened eyes, clearly put off by the horror stories she'd heard without realising those were exceptions. "I won't. I'd never." Athrun assured her, cutting her off by pressing a finger to her lips. He pursed his mouth slightly, thinking how awful it had been for Cagalli. To have been frightened out of her wits and never having the pleasure of making love with someone she had liked or been attracted to- that was unthinkable. Still, he found a tiny bit- or more accurately, huge- satisfaction at realising he would provide Cagalli her first experience. When he had slept with inexperienced partners, Athrun had never cared much for their nervousness or lack of knowledge when it came to bed matters. He had mostly preferred partners who knew what lovemaking was to entail. With Cagalli however, he found her innocence intriguing- vitally intoxicating even, and he felt a frisson of pleasure at knowing he would teach her to love him. He berated himself inwardly, knowing that he was being horribly chauvinistic with that thought. But he couldn't have helped it, Athrun realised. There was something about her that made him extraordinarily possessive, and he was glad that she was allowing him to be. "I'm being honest now," Cagalli blurted out and making him laugh again. "I don't know much, so don't be disappointed. And- and," Her face turned pink for a second. "J-Just go easy on me!"

"Did you mean literally or metaphorically?" He asked huskily, smirking at her. She stared at him indignantly, then laughed once and smacked his shoulder playfully. He hugged her tightly, whispering, "I'd never do something as stupid as push you away. I've done that once before. Idiotic, really." She embraced him back, giggling a little in her nervousness. The atmosphere was as Athrun had never experienced itfriendly, entirely sincere. But it was time to change that a little, as Athrun was clearly intending. Athrun moved over her then, and she could feel him trembling violently, growling in low, unsteady gasps as his lips travelled up her neck. She felt his hardness pressing against her belly then thigh, but desire overcame the first tremor of fear. He drew his head back, braced on his elbows as he looked down at her, and his hands framed her face gently, holding her still to look in her eyes. Cagalli found difficulty breathing. All she could do was run her trembling fingers down his spine, and her legs against his, wrapping them around his waist intuitively. Then roughly, he ran his mouth from her lips to her chin and neck, nipping and biting, and she cried out. Her foot stroked his calf in tormented pleasure, trying and she felt the heat gather between her legs as he sat up suddenly, pulling her up with him. He shifted to her back, and over her shoulder, gazed at her chest while easing her shoulders to calm her down. Appreciating his efforts to make her relax, but not quite aware of what he was really doing, Cagalli closed her eyes, leaning back against his chest as she knelt, her knees sinking into the thick furs of the carpet. It was an unconscious lesson she was learning, however. He was teaching her to respond to him, and in doing so, he was preparing her for him. While he eased her shoulders and back, she made murmuring sounds, enjoying his touch. Athrun too, was enjoying himself quite thoroughly. He ran his hands as a wordless caress against her front, over and over again, pausing only for her breasts. When she opened her eyes as she felt him slacken his administrations, Cagalli caught sight of how Athrun staring silently at her her. A little embarrassed at his open admiration, she grinned at him and said laughingly, "Well? Are you going to just stare?" He smirked, she felt a delicious throb of danger move within her. "And here I was, thinking that I would have to go easy on you."

"You still have to." Cagalli said cheekily, imitating his smirk and surprising him. She lifted her arms and wound them around his neck, and his chin's weight increased on her shoulder as he kissed her neck. "While what I know isn't everything, what I know isn't exactly useless either. "Absolutely." He breathed, gazing at her side-turned face and thinking how beautiful she looked, her hair framing her face, tousled and golden, and her eyes molten with lust. And slowly, almost as if he wanted to prolong the agony of her waiting, Athrun transferred her to look at him, and lowered his head. His hand still kneading her, he ran his tongue down the valley of her breasts and heard her gasp as he cupped her breasts tightly. "You're mine," He said softly, in that sensuous murmur. A tiny moan eased itself from her throat as he fiddled with her tenderly, playing harder and harder until her cries were satisfactory to his ears. "And I won't stop. Everything we did was a prelude to this, Cagalli. Everything I did, everything you allowed me to do was preparing you for what we will share. You didn't even realize it, did you? Everything I chose to do that you allowed- that was to prepare you for me, for you to let me take you like this, with you knowing, with you wanting because you understood-," He caressed her breasts with both hands, and stroking one bud still, slipped a hand down between her legs, his eyes gazing momentarily at the remaining article of clothing she still wore, even when he'd pulled it down to her knees earlier. Athrun heard her moan and shifted slightly. "You don't like it?" Athrun said huskily, wantonly caressing the nipple he was occupied with still. They could become engorged with even the lightest caress of a feather, and he wondered how she could dip herself into a pool of cold water without having a towel right next to her to disguise her body's reaction. He felt himself grow, if possibly, tighter. She mewled in the heat of the sensation and her breasts trembled temptingly as her body did. He fought the urge to hold her breasts still with his hands while the rest of her body writhed against the soft carpet. "Athrun," She begged, "Please-oh, I," "Patience," He said lazily. He tweaked at her less gently now, and she arched her back in a heady pleasure. "You like what I'm doing, don't you?"He said deliberately, bending down and kissing the bud lightly but not giving it more than a fleeting brush against his lips. His other hand was still stroking her gently.

Cagalli nodded feverishly, and he smiled. "Like this?" He moved closer to the other nipple and ran his tongue slowly across its point, knowing that of the nerves lay under it, like a complex system of wiring that led to the tug of electricity at her core. Her hands were pushing his head closer, but he refrained. Cagalli stared at him, her golden eyes dilated, and not seeing. Her voice was a plea, even if the words would not form. He could not torment her any longer, or keep away from her for any second longer. So he drew her into his mouth, warming it with his tongue and running his tongue over the ruche surface. He drew in a breath forcefully, feeling her quiver, and he felt something in him threaten to explode. "Athrun," She whispered in a tiny cry. "Like this. Yes." As she held onto him, he reached to her hips and stripped her panties from her knees completely now, balling those and tossing it somewhere. Her thighs were already wet, and he stroked them, enjoying their slickness. Cagalli breathed his name, her voice stretched and yearning, and he brought a hand between her thighs, parting them and stroking her to make her relax, his mouth shifting to another bud. Then slowly, he snaked a finger smoothly into her, and then, without hesitation, added another into her as she cried out, panicking a little. Athrun couldn't help thrusting his fingers roughly and even more deeply into her, a contrast against the even controlled movement he had applied earlier on. His mouth grew more intense on her breast, and she threw back her head, a sound ripping itself from her throat. He transferred his mouth to her neck now, kissing it. "Relax. Trust me." She calmed down, stroking his ear by curling her arm towards his face. He resumed his administrations on her breasts, his fingers still moistening and teasing her folds. He marveled at how lovely she was, her breasts full and high on her body, sensitive and soft, then taut and pliable in his mouth within the very next minute. He added yet another finger into her to stretch her, noting how tightly his fingers were while in her. Cagalli swallowed, trying to adjust to the combined thickness of a few fingers in her, still swiveling her hips. He murmured a reassuring word or two, knowing that he had to familiarize her body to what his would be like. Only

when she had become used to him did he pull his hand away. He brought it to her lips as she tasted her own desire, bringing each finger into her mouth, one by one. She licked his fingers, tilting her head back a little to taste the entire finger. He watched her as he dipped each finger into her velvety mouth and withdrew it. As he did, her lips made a soft, suckling sound, and he had to control the urge to hold her down and enter her there and then. Her eyes were a light shade of gold, swirling and molten as he occupied himself with her breasts and she concentrated on his fingers. Then, delicately, he brought his lips and tongue to her thighs, and her feet struggled as she writhed in ecstasy. He tried to taste her a little by little, savouring her, recording her responses in his mind, but he found himself lapping at her moist sweetness and the way she flowed, smooth and like honey for his tongue and teeth. She called his name, an animal's soft, longing cry. "That's right," He said in a low voice, trembling with desire and tenderness. "I'll make you remember that I was the first man you ever had." As he raised himself above her, she glanced down and felt slightly fearful, wondering if he would even fit. But he lifted her face back to him, and his slight smile made his intent clear. He wanted her to remain looking at him. Then she felt him press against her, entering her, tearing into her, filling her, and far too slowly. A cry of pain shot from her, and small, sudden and uncontrollable tears suddenly flowered from her eyes' corners. But Athrun swiftly wiped them away, knowing that she was still riding on the lingering effects of pleasure and that the pain was both diminished and fading fast. He ignored the urge to plunge deeper into her to fulfill his own heat. At that moment, she bucked against him, effectually tightening around him, and he shuddered. She heard Athrun's breath catch, but he never broke eye contact, not yielding to her body's shock. Athrun bent over her as she move uncontrollably, her body still instinctively trying to reject and throw his own body off hers. But hands were occupied with holding hers down, and she flailed against him, her strength quite surprising. Roughly, he kissed her, biting her lips when she tried to break away with the pain of his entering her. Cagalli was still fighting him uncontrollably, crying out in pain and involuntarily trying to throw him off her, but he had been well-prepared, holding her wrists down by both sides of her head.

Her small cries of pain seemed to melt past everything, putting only the pleasure he was experiencing into focus. She felt amazing, moist and incredibly tight and like a burning noose around him. He wondered if the nerves in his body were exploding, but he forced himself to be still, focused on her, for her face was scrunched and he saw that she was biting her lips. His whispers of reassurance were almost incoherently in his desire. Athrun found that he, or perhaps even she, for it was indistinguishable at this point, was twitching uncontrollably, his body enclosed by her walls. And he was afraid, for he thought he would come there and then, whether she responded or not. She was sprawled under him, her body soft and glorious in the furs of the carpet. There had to be some kind of release. She was burning, perishing in the heat, and her nerves were charred, yet far too sensitive even when she was struggling. Cagalli sobbed once, and she struggled under him, trying to find a way out, an end to the uncontrollable, incomprehensible passion that was threatening to eat her whole. After what felt like an excruciating eternity, he was as fully within her as she could allow, and through the sweat and dazing heat, Cagalli became aware that fire he had started in her had not died, despite the pain melting away. As she felt him begin to move within her, it elicited a low, needy growl from her throat. Athrun gently let go of her wrists, lingering only momentarily before his lips located her neck so he could nibble. As she felt her body getting used to his, she relaxed a little, but felt herself tensing again when Athrun licked her thundering pulse with a small smirk. Obligingly because her own passion was taking control of her, Cagalli gripped him hard, her nails digging into his soft back, her legs tightening around his waist, her hips bucking against his, trying to get him even deeper inside her, even though she was already as full with him as she could be. It was bliss beyond her wildest dreams laced with sheer torture, and the only way out for her and for him, he realised, had been for Cagalli to give in. He did not say anything, too charged to speak coherently, and within moments, she nodded said shakily, "I'm fine." "Good." He said softly, with some relief. And Cagalli began to move her hips, dissipating the last effects of the pain and finding the first hints of pleasure. He groaned, trapped in her, embedded in her depths. And then, quickly, she transited into the wild heat that consumed that both once more, and he was mounting her entirely, sitting astride and in her, and

she was moaning and begging him to move faster. She was a tempest, her body liquid and molten, his body awake and alive, tearing into hers, his movements threatening to become erratic, but his will keeping them both in check. She writhed, and he had to control himself as she grew even tighter around and against him. He groaned softly, wondering when he had lost control and she had become dominant even while grappling with this new experience. But she begged him again, and those dissolved the thoughts in his head. "More." "No," Athrun said sensuously, still moving at his unhurried, strong pace, not willing to be badgered into ending it too soon. "You'd forget me if I let you have your way immediately." Her face was beautiful, almost ethereal in the warm light, and he gazed at her expression, understanding that it was contorted with pleasure and feeling. He felt a new stab of lust and possession enter him, and he caressed her face, lifting himself over her with the other. His hands found her breasts as they trembled with the movements of her body, and he kneaded them greedily. This time, Cagalli found his rhythm easily, and Athrun guided her well, building their movements into a frenzied, desperate tango of sensation until she cried out. The blaze inside encompassed her then and erupted through every pore and cell, exploding in a blinding, intense heat such that the awareness of everything else died. Breathless now, Cagalli cried out, low and hoarse, clinging on as if he were her only hope to keep from completely burning out of existence. His mouth covered hers in a growl, feral and desperate. And Athrun reached below her simultaneously, cupping her rear and forcing her to move for him even while she climaxed, and his name on her lips melted into his groans of hers. He felt himself losing some consciousness, and saw that her eyes were hazy with the same effect. But he controlled himself and reached down in the height of their frenzy and bit her neck, hearing her ecstasy while vaguely recognizing his own. He wondered if his blood was flowing backwards, whether his essence was being drawn out of every pore of him, through that small opening that led to the rest of her. His soul and very spirit seemed to be gushing and bubbling out of him, as if he had reached a boiling point. Then he poured himself into her, entirely, and then emptied himself of her in one fluid, pulling movement. But even when they lay side by side, his kisses and the combination of her desire and his made the familiar heat stir within Athrun again. Her tongue

flickered, wet and pink behind her lips, and he felt himself tighten. Cagalli's neck bore his teeth marks, although those would fade within a day. Quietly, Athrun placed a hand on an inner thigh, conscious that he had marked her as his. "Funny." Cagalli said breathlessly, almost talking to herself. "I never realised it felt this- this wonderful. Was that why the girls in the office kept talking about the times they'd fallen asleep in someone's arms, even though they had so much heartbreak to share about?" Athrun smiled inquisitively at her. "So you heard the stories from the random people in your office?" She nodded, a bit embarrassed and blurting the first things that came to her mind because of that. "But I didn't really know what to do- of course, now I know and I'm not without my own experience anymore-," He shifted her onto her back and gazed into her eyes as he slid into her once more. Cagalli made a small, wild sound of pleasure and he began to fill her entirely, pushing himself into her until he had filled the cavern of her body entirely. She threw back her head, arching her body with a little cry that spilled from her lips. And Athrun ran his hand to her lips and stroked her face tenderly. "No." He said quietly. "Now you aren't." The wild, heightened sensations did not fade, leaving them unsteady, unable to relax into one another. They fought each other for control. As Cagalli raised herself to kiss him, and he gazed at her plump white breasts, like young pups, spruced, wet with perspiration and with pink noses, the blood rushed to his loins once more. He waited until she'd become comfortable and even confident above him, and then tackled her, dominating her once more. When she finally gave up fighting him, Athrun nipped at her neck, then nuzzled her. Cagalli looked at him, blushing adorably, her eyes were wet with tears, shy and lowered. In that moment, he understood her pain and joy. She smiled, her voice breathless. "It's the first time I've ever experienced anything like that. All in one day." "You're not a girl any more." He said deliberately, holding her face in his hands. "You're a woman now. Mine." She moved against him a little, and with a groan, he knew he could never be satisfied when it came to her. And he grabbed her chin with his fingers. "You belong to me." He said quietly. "Go on. Say it for me. I belong to Athrun."

"I belong to-," Her voice was ragged with sensual anticipation and endless desire. "To Athrun." Her answer was enough to make him flood into her even though he hadn't meant to or even expected it. And Cagalli's lips formed a silent 'o' of pleasure and longing as he tried to sink deeper into her. Soon, it was clear that she could not take any more of him and he was deeply and almost entirely in her. "I'll never let you go." He whispered dazedly. "You belong to me now. All of you." Athrun raised his head and gazed down at her, brushing a trembling hand against her cheek. Cagalli moved just enough to faintly nuzzle him. When he could finally move once more, he kissed her gratefully and laid a hand gently on her soft stomach. Eventually he had to let go to stand up he reached into a set of drawers she hadn't managed to get to. And sighing a little, Athrun brought forth a small box and moved back to her. "What is it?" She whispered, sitting up slightly, still panting even with the little he had done to her. Cagalli was alarmed, he could see, afraid that he had not been satisfied by her. But the next thing he did allayed her fears entirely. Athrun opened it and her eyes flew from it to his eyes. Without a word, he sat by her and took her hand into his, sliding a ring onto her finger. Her eyes filled with tears and he pressed her hand to his chest, saying hoarsely, "I kept it, but it's yours. It was always yours." "I gave it to Meyrin!" Cagalli whispered. "Wasn't she the one who'd kept it?" He shook his head gently, smiling ruefully. "She gave it back to me before I went to Orb. But I never got a chance to give it to you." "What if-," Her breath caught and Cagalli choked back a sob. "What if I can't wear it for you?" Athrun made no direct answer but kissed her forehead gently. "It doesn't matter if you'll have to leave me eventually and go back there. It doesn't matter if you go with someone else in the end, as long as you know that I never wanted anything else except to be with you." Kneeling next to her, Athrun picked up her hand and slid the ring on. With a pang, Cagalli realized how familiar it felt, how much she'd missed having this band of light coolness against her flesh even when she thought she'd long forgotten what it felt like. And wryly, Athrun added. "But I'm not giving it to you because of what we

just had, alright? I meant to when you left for Orb. And even just now, I decided I wanted to bring that forward. I just- just forgot when you looked at me the way you did and asked me to take you." Cagalli laughed, a happy, shy sound, and brought her arms around his neck. He chuckled too, settling next to her once more. She looked so soft and young, so heartbreakingly innocent and breathtaking that he wondered if he had made a mistake by sealing her to him with how he'd just taken her and placed the ring on her finger. Looking at her, Athrun knew he'd taken her, all of her. It would be impossible to forget her ever again. He raised himself over her and gazed down. Her arms found his as she moved into his embrace, and she was overcome with the joy of finding him and herself once more. Athrun closed his eyes and gently kissed her forehead, lying down at her side, drawing her to him. Cagalli readily responded, rolling over, snuggling close as she lay her head on his chest, listening to his heart as his pulse gradually tapered off to normal. Feeling completely sated, and utterly relaxed, it wasn't long before Cagalli drifted off to sleep. The band on her finger sat around the flesh, and she closed her eyes and saw it in her mind's eye. The world around them didn't matter anymore than the first snow falling outside, not visible to their eyes and the lack of a window. In the unheated room, filled with his secrets, they had their warmth for each other, and it was enough. In the world around her, she had been lost, and in the house, she had been a captive. But in this room, in his arms, Cagalli found him, and Athrun knew that the night would draw softly and tenderly against them, a cloak of protection, a salve to the wounds. He waited until she had fallen asleep, then quite involuntarily, did the same. But as he did, he could sense her breathe against him, and he knew the snow outside was falling as steadily as her heart beat beneath her flesh. She had come home. To him.

As Epstein had informed him, Cagalli had suddenly taken a little ill, feeling a bit faint even though she'd denied in quite insistently. The maids had given her medication that hadn't seemed to work, for she would simply not sleep even when she closed her eyes and lay in silence for hours. In their desperation and prompted by Cagalli's own, they'd given her a careful dosage of sleeping pills. Athrun could remember what Laplacia had told him. Apparently, Cagalli had begun working ceaselessly for the past few days, as if to distract herself from something. She'd started with the floors first, scrubbing for hours, and then moving on to the windows. She'd wiped and cleaned and dusted and mopped for hours at and end, and then she'd sparred for the rest of the day, as if the morning's session hadn't been enough. With some sadness, Athrun knew that he would have very little time left with her now. He had already prepared what he needed, and she would be leaving very soon. For now though, Athrun moved around slowly, looking at the traces of herself that she'd put into this bedroom. Even if he was condemned to stay here for the rest of his life, he decided, he'd try and remember her for what she'd changed about this place and him. There was tea in the corner of the small bedside table, and Athrun knew that it was cold by now. She did not seem to have touched much of it. He cast his eyes to the bed and saw Cagalli's silhouette moving within it. And yet, she was supposed to be asleep. Cagalli was tossing and turning a little, and her expression held torment and unease in it. Through the gap of the curtains, and even from her silhouette, Athrun could sense she was not sleeping well. Wasn't the medicine working? Athrun wondered. He knew that the sleeping pills that Epstein had given her were supposed to let her rest, but those did not seem to be doing anything particularly effective. She seemed to have been induced into a deep sleep, but it was a difficult sleep. Moreover, Cagalli seemed to be plagued by the things that she would have had an escape from if she had been awake. As Athrun came closer, he knew that she was sleeping while having a dream too. She was mumbling and saying something, and her hands were clenched. He lifted the curtain gently, looking at Cagalli. Her hair was moist with sweat and she looked a bit pale. Her lips though, were pink, and he knew that her habit of biting her lips when she felt awkward or was in

distress had carried over even when she was asleep. He ridded himself of his coat, tossing it on a chair next to the bed. As he kicked off his shoes and socks and slipped next to her, he lowered the curtains again, lying by her, watching her. There was something fascinating about seeing Cagalli struggle in her sleep. She seemed awake for a second, asleep for the next, and there was a torment in her expression. That made him think of how weak she was but how strong she pretended to be. He wondered if he was dreaming too, and whether the vision before him would suddenly give way to darkness and the ceiling of the four-poster. Gently, Athrun peeled away the sheets, lifting her slightly in his arms. Her scent was stronger, enclosed by the gossamer-like curtains. There was a fine sheen of sweat on her skin, and she seemed to be glimmering. Her flesh was soft, although skin felt clammy, and Athrun wondered what she was dreaming about. For an entirely unidentified, rather inexplicable reason, he felt himself grow more alert; more tense- more awake with his need. "Cagalli," Athrun said in a low voice, "Cagalli." He stared at her, hearing her hiss in broken gasps as she began to stiffen, then relaxed as suddenly. Her nightgown was a little damp, he realized, as he held her in his arms, and he knew she had struggled from something in her sleep. "No-," She was shaking her head in a strangely violent if somewhat random manner. Her voice was a tiny little scrap of sound, a murmur that might have been drowned by any other sound. But he leaned close to her and he could hear Cagalli. "No- don't-, just hold-," Her voice was a cry now. "Don't go-," Athrun wondered if he ought to wake her up. He understood that it would take a great deal of effort to rouse her from her sleep. At the same time, Athrun knew that it would require even more sleeping pills to get her some rest if he disturbed her sleep now. He wondered what to do, for Cagalli seemed to be troubled in both her sleep and without it. "Ath-," He watched as she called out. And troubled, Athrun placed his hands over hers, wondering why she was calling out to him in her sleep. "Athrun." Her eyelids trembled once and her eyelashes on her cheek seemed more fine and delicate than what he'd realized they'd been in the past. Athrun stared at her, trying to decipher why she was twitching violently even when

Chapter 25 The scent of the air had the dried smell of tea leaves in it. As he stepped into their bedroom, he could see that she had not owned the energy to have waited up for him. She had probably done so for the past few nights, and exhaustion must have claimed her this time.

he put his arms comfortingly around her. Cagalli had always been roused quite quickly in the past, but now, she seemed to have been such a deep sleep that only she could wake herself. "Marlin, don't-," She seemed to be sobbing, "-say that-, he's not-, I'm not trying to-to-," "Trying to?" He whispered. Athrun tried to shake her, but he found that his hands were weak against her shoulders. Her eyes were fluttering open but they never really opened. "I'm not trying to run. I'll stay in Orb. Promise." He reeled back in shock. Had she made some promise to Marlin that he didn't know about? In her dreamlike state, Cagalli seemed weaker and more pale than ever. She was beautiful to look at still, with her lips pink and her hair tumbling onto her shoulders. Her slight fever had receded, according to what Epstein had told him. Yet, she was still warm to touch, and there was a flush on her cheeks that wasn't entirely normal. She looked small and broken, and that vulnerability was frightening. He knew it would not do to let her sleep on. "Cagalli," Athrun said sharply, "Wake up." She continued to shiver in his arms, and Athrun knew that she was suffering. He couldn't bear anymore and began to shake violently at her. He shook at her until her eyes flew open and she shuddered, gulping, struggling, then going limp as she lost all her energy. And Cagalli seemed to awaken, but her eyes looked unfocused as he stared at her, wondering what had gone wrong in her dreams. "You were having a nightmare." He whispered, and he knew his voice was hoarse. She tried to smile at him but it faltered, and he decided that he'd wait a little more before he did what he'd decided to carry out. Gazing at Cagalli, Athrun decided he wanted to let her have a meal first. While there was no time to waste, she didn't look like she could withstand a journey out at sea. So he mopped her brow, placed a hesitant kiss on her forehead, and then lifted her out of the bed. She seemed to shrink away from him, and he felt puzzlement. He had expected her to put her arms around him, but she seemed unwilling to be near him. In fact, Cagalli looked downright unhappy that she'd been woken and that he was near her. She

shook away a little, looking at him with something he recognized as mistrust. It was as if he'd come home to her with another person's blood splattered on his face, or that his forehead bore the sign 'murderer'. But Athrun had cleaned the blood off and he knew he could hide what he'd just completed over at Greyfriar's place. Some of his followers had tried to claim credit and even wanted to wrestle the leadership position away. Athrun had made Greyfriars trust him again by getting rid of those unlucky ones for Greyfriars. "You're fine now." He told her, feeling a bit insecure himself. She only looked at him mutely, and he noticed that she seemed to have been frozen. Nevertheless, Athrun got her to stand. And slowly, she began to put her feet forward, like a child learning to walk for the first time. Athrun would have liked to lift her into his arms and to give her support, but Cagalli seemed fiercely resistant to that. He fetched his coat from the chair, then flung it around her, trying to warm her up. He was half-hoping that she'd put her arms around him and beg him to stay with her. But she didn't- she began to shuffle forward, and Athrun followed after her. "Where are you going?" "I-," Cagalli looked at him wildly. "I need a bath." He watched as Cagalli tugged herself loose from him and moved to the bathroom. The dogged determination of her steps and the way she seemed to be ill at ease made him sure she was not keen to return for certain reasons. Athrun did not follow her to the bathroom although he would have liked to. He would have liked to undress her, to kiss her and then hold her. He was aching to have her against him, and he was yearning to feel her respond, but he forced himself to stay away. While he wanted to wash her and to make her feel warm and secure, he could not do that for now. She seemed to be a caged animalpensive and rather scared. It was best to let her try to pretend all was normal for now. Besides, it was unlikely that his being with her would solve anything she was going through mentally. It would take more than that, Athrun decided. So he waited for the sounds of the water to start, and then waited a little more until she finally emerged. Her hair was damp and Cagalli looked a bit

woebegone in a bathrobe that had been meant for him. The sleeves were too long, she was dragging her feet, and she seemed more likely to drown in the robe than be dried by it. She would need some warm clothing, and he would make sure she was wearing some, but he ignored her lack of proper clothes momentarily. Muttering to himself, he took her to the bed, making her lean towards him as he patted her hair dry. After a minute or two, she moved away, and he stared at her, wondering why she wanted to move off when he hadn't finished. In the meantime, Cagalli moved to their wardrobe, taking a simple blouse and shorts out. Turning away from him, she slipped those on. The lack of light in her eyes made her expression very dull, and even when he waited for her to finish and pulled her back to him, nothing in her face changed. As he sat her before the vanity, he knew she was fighting with herself. "Cagalli," He whispered, running a brush through her hair now. "I want you to tell me what's been going on. Why have you been working yourself so hard?" She looked at him, unable to verbalize all that had plagued her thoughts for these few days. Then Cagalli spoke, and Athrun knew she was still a bit shaken. "I-," She looked ready to cry. "I want some water." He looked around, casting his eyes to the corner where the tea usually was. But as he lifted the lid, he saw that the water was cold even if untouched, and he decided not to let her have any of it. He didn't want her falling sick with a cold or anything- she needed to keep herself healthy for what he had planned ahead. Thus, Athrun had no choice but to let her step out of the room. As she did, he followed. Through the corridors, past a few familiar rooms, and down into the kitchen, he snuck looks at her. Her face was flushed as if she'd had a fever, and her fingers looked like they had become clamps around the coat that her shoulders bore. She'd assumed a defensive posture, putting her arms around herself, and Athrun knew she was still a bit rattled even after that bath. And for the first time, Athrun decided to ask. "What did you dream about today?" Cagalli did not look at him. "I can't remember." They got into the kitchen, and he pulled a chair for her. There was

nobody around, thankfully, and he busied himself getting some water for her. She did not seem to become more normal, but she hunched into the chair, curling herself up with her knees drawn up to her. In that defensive posture, Cagalli seemed to have shrank and become a lost child. "Here." He said awkwardly, setting it down before her. He did not sit with her but began to rummage around, looking for things to cook. Athrun suddenly wanted to ensure she was fed. He wanted to regain a sense of how things were supposed to be. He took out some pasta, decided it would be a little heavy going on her, and then tossed the ingredients back. "What would you like?" Athrun asked. She shook her head. "Anything's fine. I'm not really that hungry." "You've got to eat something though." He insisted. "Epstein told me your appetite's been poor these few days." But even as he set up a fire and decided that an omelet would be good, Cagalli appeared to have become even more withdrawn. She said nothing as he cracked the eggs, only watched dully. Her fingers were pale, clutching and holding the water she had taken only two sips of. As he began to beat the eggs, her eyes traveled to him and she began to speak. When she did however, she could not seem to verbalise her thoughts. "Sorry." Cagalli said softly. Not letting his hands stop, Athrun continued at his work. He did turn however, to look at her. His eyes narrowed at her. "Why are you apologizing? Because you worked yourself to hard? Because there's something you don't want to talk about? Because your nightmares didn't stop? Because they got worse? Because the pills didn't work?" She had the decency to flush with embarrassment, but he held no joy in seeing her discomfort. She just didn't know how to focus her anger, or where to direct it. For a long time, Cagalli had tried to hide the emptiness in her. She'd been numbed to so much of the world. But she had lashed out wherever she could, just to remind herself that she was still the same person even when she knew she'd changed. It had seemed to work for her before, and it was all she really knew. "What else really happened? You were calling out to a few people."

"I don't talk in my sleep," Cagalli bit back, exactly at the same time Athrun spoke. He had been wondering when she would get to that. "You do. You did today. You did yesterday and on the past few days as well too. Epstein heard. The twins did too. You talked in your sleep. Just like what I saw today." "Well, I never did before." She said stubbornly. "I don't quite believe you." Athrun's gaze was firm, and he studied her quietly. "I've never asked you to talk about those things before, but I think it's better if you say what's on your mind." "There's nothing on my mind." She answered firmly. "Nothing, in particular." "You lie very well," Athrun said roughly, moving to her. He began taking the pot of tea from the bedside table. He drained the dregs and passed her the cup, which she took a sip off hesitantly, then put away. The way he did things so methodically and the way he seemed to state a fact made her highly unnerved. "I'm not lying! I don't lie!" Her expression was that of panice and vehemence. "Of course, you don't," Athrun agreed amiably. The frustration of the past few days was building up in him, but he controlled it as sufficiently as he could. Just because Cagalli was rattled didn't mean that he had the license to react in the same way. He had to calm her down, he decided. He had to make her trust him even more now, and he would have to bid farewell to her. He took the rest of the water that she didn't seem to want anymore, drank it to clear his throat, and then turned back to her. "You just keep secrets while avoiding the moments when you're forced to tell truths. Isn't that what it is? You try and hide it all away until you and other people forget- isn't that it?" Her face was blanched white as she gripped the edge of the table. "You don't really know what that's like, Athrun," she hissed. "No, I don't, sorry. I've never been put into that same situation you're in. I certainly can't say that I've ever ran from the truth like it was my own nightmare, or that I'd done everything I could and hid away from it," he said sarcastically, setting down the mug. And Athrun looked directly at her. "I only named myself Rune Estragon and developed a new identity for fun."

She watched him move to the stove and begin to beat the eggs once more. "No! You can't say that- it's not the same thing." As he distributed the beaten eggs in the pan, Cagalli wiped her angry tears away. Unlike his measured movements, her face held misery laced with barely contained fury. "It's the same when you try and behave the way that a child would." He faced her calmly, tossing in some bits of tomato and chive now. "It's childish to think that you can keep pushing things away when they haunt you even in your sleep." Cagalli shook her head as much dignity as she could muster. "I'm not a child." Her expression was stubborn, even though she still looked miserable, huddled away in a corner like that. "Might as well be," Athrun muttered under his breath. The omelets were cooking and the sprinklings of mushroom that he'd thrown into it were steaming quite nicely. He nodded to himself in approval, beginning to fry it more. He got back to her with separate plates and pointed at it. The fragrance snaked into the air, but all it achieved was make her feel slightly hungry, then more dizzy and sick than she'd felt. "Eat now. Get your strength back." Athrun ordered. She ate a little, then shook her head wanly when he offered to serve her seconds. "You won't feel better if you don't try." Athrun told her firmly. Looking at him and the insistence of his expression, she reluctantly took another bite, and then began to feel herself warm up a little more. There was a kind of comfort in eating while he watched, she realised. For as Cagalli ate, Athrun seemed to be watching over her, and she felt better by the time he poured her more tea. He understood her hesitation. She wasn't comfortable with him now, because she knew that in a few days, she would have to go back without him. But Athrun knew that she would have no choice. She was going to have to return without him and without preparing herself anyway. Her silence made the atmosphere tense, and he saw that she was picking at her food. Clearly, her appetite had not really improved. At least though, she would eat a little and keep her energy up. She would need it, Athrun thought to himself.

So they finished in silence. Eventually, Athrun got up, taking the plates to clear the remnants and beginning to wash. While Cagalli had never abided by waste, she seemed to be struggling to finish, and Athrun knew she was to shaken to eat beyond the purpose of sustenance. While he took out the dish-liquid and a handheld scrubber, Cagalli began to speak. "Thank you," Cagalli said, almost reluctantly. "I've only had tea and mostly biscuits for these few days. I don't think I've eaten anything substantial much for some time now. I was too nauseous for anything else. I kept having my sleep interrupted." "Bad memories do that," Athrun said placidly, scrubbing with an ease that covered the tension in his face. "It happens when you don't want to deal with it when you're awake. Especially when those start to hit you with fullforce." Cagalli looked at him sharply. "I didn't say that." "Then tell me," Athrun replied, washing, then beginning to do drying of the quite dishes leisurely. It was almost as if she wasn't lashing out at him, or that her intentions to keep her dreams to herself were not registering to him. As Cagalli stared at him, she realized that he wasn't going to give up either. Athrun's tone was very firm. "Stop saying that it isn't this, or it isn't that. Tell me what it is. I don't know, unless you tell me. What you said yesterday gives me enough to guess, but I don't want to have to guess anymore." "It wasn't anything." She said numbly. "Then what were you muttering about to James Marlin?" Her eyes grew wide and she tried to stand from her chair to take the mugs to him, trying to retain her normality. But she stumbled backward, falling over the chair, one cup smashed against the table as she knocked into its corner. Athrun rushed to her side, but she only looked at him fearfully, with apologies dying on her lips as her face turned pale. "No- leave that alone," He told Cagalli, grabbing her away from the broken mugs. "You stay here- don't try and do anything-," She took no notice of him even while he pulled her away. Her voice was a stammer. "I'm sorry- I just-," Athrun knelt beside her sprawled form, careful to avoid the glass chips. He

shook his head and pulled her up to her knees as well, getting her away from the mess she'd created. "I said, leave that alone!" His raised voice made her look at him finally. Cagalli had been shook by his sudden flare of anger and desperation, and her eyes were wide as she gazed at him. Mutely, he took her hands and put them to his chest. "Don't hide it from me." He said quietly. "I can't say." Her voice was shaky. She tried to gather up some pieces but he slapped her hands away, shaking his head and telling her to ignore it. He began to kiss her fingers, kissing them as they trembled and her body seemed to become tinier and more shrunken. "Don't hide anything from me. Not anymore." Athrun was whispering now, and she shifted against him. Fiercely, he pressed at her back, forcing her to stay close to him. Heedless of what he was saying, Cagalli looked away, still trying to move apart from him. Her vision was swimming in tears but she held those back fiercely, attempting to smile and tell him that she needed to clear the things. But he grabbed her face in his hands, watching tears roll from her eyes, and swiftly, Athrun wiped those away. "I was dreaming of Marlin." She told him softly, hesitantly. "He asked me about you in the past. He asked me whether I remembered you." Athrun did not have to hear her say anymore to know how she'd answered. He pulled her into his arms again. "Doesn't matter anymore." "I don't want to go back to Orb." Cagalli admitted shakily. "I don't know what more they want of me." "Kira needs you back there." Athrun told her. "Orb needs you back there. You know what will happen if you don't go back, don't you?" "But I don't want to care anymore." She sobbed. "I'd rather just go to sleep forever and never wake up- as long as I can stay here in peace." "You can't." He said mechanically. "You don't belong here." Cagalli knew that what he was saying was true. But at the same time, she knew that going back to Orb would be difficult for her now. How was she expected to be apart from him, she wondered, when he'd taught her to open herself and to be honest with him? How would she live without that expectation he'd taught her to have, and how would she live with that hope that she wanted so much more of now?

She turned on him with anger suddenly. "It's your fault isn't it? You should have let me go back- you shouldn't have told me all you'd done for me-," He stared at her helplessly, knowing where her outburst was stemming from. Suddenly, all that Yzak had predicted was coming true. Her presence here had not been authorized when he'd taken her here without her permission. But that wasn't even the most problematic issue. It was the fact that he'd done so many things he wasn't supposed to do- tell her of what was happening outside, tell her of what Plant's intelligencers did here on the Isle and the nature of the people who'd been brought here. He had tried to think of her as Cagalli for some time. But now, he knew that she would always be the Orb Princess and that as the Orb Head, the information he'd given her, along with what he'd encouraged them both to lose themselves in, would ruin them both. Cagalli would never be able to return to Orb and be the same now. She would not belong to him once she went back to Orb. There was still someone else waiting for her back there, and she would be in a marriage that Orb had much to gain from. Marlin would never know that he, Athrun Zala, existed and not just as a fugitive. But Marlin would still have Cagalli. And yet, there was no regret in his thoughts. "It's my fault." Athrun admitted. "But I'm still glad I did what I did." Her face crumbled as he stroked the tears away. "I want to kiss you right now," Athrun whispered. "Is that horrid of me?" Cagalli gulped visibly, although she tried to smile quite valiantly. "Is it horrid that I'd like you to?" He pulled her into a kiss, pressing her to him, suddenly inattentive of the glass and the way she had been pulled to him, her palms on the floor, her body on its fours. It didn't matter that her face was moist from tears and that she suddenly became resistant and tried to fight him. He touched his tongue to hers, sliding over it, easing his lips onto hers and Athrun felt Cagalli tilt her head unconsciously when she tried to move away. Her hands wound their way through his hair, trying to pull his lips away. In retaliation, one of his hands settled comfortably and even lazily on her, as if he knew he didn't need to demand or to establish ownership. As he fondled one lush breast, his other hand began cradling the back of her head gently, giving her the balance they required as he did all but devour.

Her cries of protest as she tried to control him were numbed by her own decision, and Athrun felt himself tremble with the agony he had to hide from her. His thumb located her sensitive point and brushed across her in the careless circles of a tender touch, making her gasp beneath his mouth and arch herself. "Don't fight me, Cagalli." He told her between breaths. "Don't. You gave yourself to me, remember? You told me that you belonged to me. Say it again. Tell me." She pulled herself away abruptly, face white but her lips pink and swollen. "Oh, Haumea. I can't. I can't do this and hope to leave you- why didn't I think of it then? Why didn't I realize how painful it would be to be near you and then have to leave? I shouldn't have let this happen." "No," Athrun said, shaking his head. "That's not true." "I felt that I didn't even know you at times," Cagalli admitted, "And even then, I wanted to have you. Was that wrong? I mean, I actually wondered what it would be like to be with you, even if it was only physically and for a few hours-" Cagalli's eyes were unable to meet his and she colored, looking down. He grinned, his smile spreading slowly- genuine and candid. It arched into a smirk and she shivered, finding herself still affected by him. "Lovely. Because I want you in my bed right now. All the way through sunset and right up until sunrise, preferably." She stared at him, mouth falling open and her expression stunned. "It's in the middle of the afternoon, Athrun." "I wasn't joking," Athrun replied, kneeling at her side. He bent down slightly, if only to ensure that his arms were around and framing her securely. He wound a hand in her hair, tugging a little at the fistful of gold he'd captured. "I want you now." He leaned further down as he spoke, and she shivered. "I need you with me, right now. I want you calling my name. Either one, I don't care which it is anymore. I don't care if you think of me as any person or if I am another person as long as you want me." He kissed her cheek. "Is it so impossible today?" "Yes," she whispered, frightened by the intensity in his gaze. She tried to pull herself away, except that she was powerless against him. He took her earlobe between his teeth and tugged gently. "Here or on my bed, Your Grace?" he asked teasingly. He licked the delicate whorl of her ear's outer shell, and she shivered. "Do they call you that? Or Princess? Or-,"

"Cagalli," she whispered desperately, interrupting him by grabbing his collar. "Don't you dare call me anything except that." "Promise," Athrun told her in return. He pulled back and promptly rose to his feet. For a second, they did not speak, but she swallowed, looking away because she could not hold his gaze, and it was enough for Athrun to find conviction in what he wanted. "Come with me." She looked terrified, as terrified as he had seen her when he'd caught her in his study. "What?" "We're going back to our room." "Hey- wait, I-," Cagalli was spluttering, and he was amused by her sudden awkwardness. "I didn't say I agreed to this-," As they entered the bedroom with him hauling her in, she held up her hands helplessly. "You're kidding! I can't! I won't!" He only locked the door. Then Athrun grasped her face in his hands and kissed her breathless to quell her protests again. If he had hoped she would plunge into this dare as she always had for others in the past to regain her confidence, then he realized that he would have to coax her into it now. Athrun worked her blouse loose, his fingers finding bare skin. He touched her gently, reverently, tracing queerly irregular, odd geometric patters. She shuddered, and yet she shook her head. Then Athrun pushed the blouse off her shoulders and moved to kiss her jaw, neck and then her breasts. He wanted her undressed for now- he wanted to change her into something more suitable for a long journey. "Don't. I can't," Cagalli whispered. His cheek was soft against her, and his hands found her now, pressing and stroking. As she tumbled to the ground with him, he rolled her above him, putting her in the dominant position. "Yes, you can," he murmured against her skin as he moved to her other breast. He drew her in strongly, roughly now, and she squirmed in equal parts of pleasure and discomfort. "You're going to. Even if you think you need to spend time getting used to being away from me, I'm going to show you that there's better things to do with your time." "Stop," she gasped, grasping his shoulders and trying to move away but being unable to. "Don't." He moved his hands back up to her sides, daring her to protest. Wildcat that she was, she actually dared to.

"You've got to stop," Cagalli whispered desperately, trying to push herself off him but failing each time. "We can't do this anymore- I have to learn how to be apart from you- I'm not-," He liked that her thoughts had become fractured, for it would be far easier for her to forget her fears and only act now. He liked that she was half-afraid and half-resistant but her body was reacting very nicely to his. Moreover, her breath was coming in shallow, almost negligible gasps and Athrun enjoyed it. He realized that he liked the way her hands beat helplessly and fluttered nervously at his shoulders, unsure of what to do even as he increased the insistence of his ministrations. He found that he liked unsettling her as much as he liked letting her fall asleep comfortably in his arms; unsettling her in the way he was being rough, the way her mouth parted in pleasure and a faint rise of a blush began in her cheeks, the color spreading and blossoming under her skin. He moved to her waist again, and pulled her shorts down promptly. The shorts would never help her last in cold weather. Athrun caught her mouth with his again, feeling her bite him and try to draw away, except that he accepted the slight bud of pain with satisfaction. Then he slipped his hand between her folds, daring her to respond by nipping into her neck. "You can't," she whispered, horrified. He left her breasts and kissed his way down, pulling her around him as he settled into her mandatory embrace. Almost merrily, he threw the crumpled pieces of clothes to the floor, smiling amusedly at her."Look, you have two choices. Let me do this or let you be in charge." Her eyes widened and she looked rather jumpy. "Come to think of it," Athrun mused, "I think you better be in charge. Go on. It'll help you feel more in control." Not knowing how to refuse and not knowing what else she could do in this situation, Cagalli obeyed the command, looking very lost and unsure of herself. She began to lift his shirt off him, and he allowed her too. Then she bent a little while they sat on his bed, undoing his belt. Feeling a little sorry for her, Athrun pressed his lips to her forehead, then knelt assuredly in front of her. "It's going to be all right, Cagalli. You have to believe me." "No, it won't be," she whispered in return. "I can't do this anymore, Athrun." He kicked off the last of his clothes in a manner that suggested growing

impatience, and then he brought both of them off the bed. He led her to the mirror and turned her to face it. It was the same one that he'd made her stand before all that time ago. Then he stood behind her, hands on her shoulders, then sliding to her arms, lifting those around his neck and head as he transferred his hands back to her chest. Cagalli was ghostly pale and trembling as she took in her reflection. "I can't do this," she whispered, eyes watering. "I can't hold you, because I have to think of a way to get you back to Orb. I can't waste my time enjoying myself here when I need to be doing other things." "Yes, you can." He told her firmly. "You've let me do this before- I don't want you to forget anything. If you leave alone, Cagalli, then at least you'll remember what we last did before you left." He began to stroke her, and she bit back her little moans of pleasure, trying to move away still. "I want to watch you, Cagalli." "Don't do this. This is cruel," she begged. "How could you say that? How can you want to watch me beg for you when you know that I will never be able to regain you once I go back?" Athrun slid his other hand between her thighs, fingertips brushing over her. "How? Because I'm selfish, and I have the right to be. Are you saying it's cruel that I make you love me even if I can't go back there? Because I want you to see yourself with me before you leave for Orb? Because I want you to see what you look like when you come so that you'll think of me every night?" He nipped her ear gently, playfully, and met her eyes in to the mirror as his fingers found her wet slit. "It's not cruel. It's what we both want." Cagalli felt his hands searing into her flesh and she made a series of tiny cries, muted by his kisses as his mouth captured hers, her breasts soft in his roughly-seeking hands. He seemed to be consumed by a frustration that she recognized vaguely, and he hugged her with an angry desperation that he was barely concealing. "What is it?" She panted, feeling him lower her on the ground even while she tried to sit up. He stared at her, his eyes stormy and his mouth parted slightly in his breathlessness too. "What do you want of me now?" He responded by burying his face in her chest, pushing her to lie down as he hugged her, not caring about her quavering pleads or her little gasps and her questions of why he'd been wounded. Her eyes were half-lidded as he kissed her, and her fingers found his cheeks as she stroked his face.

"No-," Cagalli pleaded now. "Don't let me go back alone." Cagalli had never looked more heartwrenchingly lovely, Athrun realized, with her eyes wide and her expression a little bewildered in its innocence. He couldn't bear to see her look like that at him, but he knew there was only one way now. He kissed her gently. He thought of the clothes he'd prepared while she'd taken her bath. Those ought to be warm enough, Athrun decided. There was the food and things she'd need, all in a suitcase that had been loaded into the yacht already. She would have no time to say goodbye, but then, those things mattered little now when her life was in danger. "Close your eyes. Trust me." His voice was gentle and very persuasive. She did as he asked, too tired to think, too weary to protest and too worn down to try to fight anymore. As Athrun held her in his arms, he dug into his pocket, taking a syringe. Without a single pause or moment of hesitation, he injected the tranquiliser into her, watching Cagalli's eyes snap open in shock, fear and realization. But then she fell limp in his arms and the deed was complete.

ineffective against the crush of people who were desperate to get out of the courtroom to talk about what had just happened. It made no difference that the media was not allowed into the courtroom. The truth of the matter was that people had witnessed the proceedings and the word would spread. Her feet were mashing with thousands of others, and she muttered an apology as she stepped on what was presumably someone else's foot. Someone grabbed her shoulder but she shoved it away madly, turning and not seeing any particular face but a grotesque mash of humans. Her cry was swallowed whole by the crowd that never even seemed to hear the beating of her heart and the way her breaths grew louder in her own ears. Even the exit was unrecognizable, for it was encrusted with people who had been waiting for hours for the proceedings to finish. Through the heat and mesh of people, Cagalli understood that bodyguards were leading her in a direction that would allow her to breathe normally. Panting a little, she felt them block others from coming towards her. There was someone shouting next to her, his hands trying to clear the way as reporters swarmed, their words a buzz that grew louder and louder. She tried to think of what to say; tried to dissuade them; tried to make them leave her alone. It was drowned. A thousand others were shouting at the same time. And in some way, she had no right to try and evade all the questions. Cagalli had always known this would happen, despite the supposed security of the court. She had made her last decision while knowing of this. And for that, Cagalli would not be able to move on. "Ms. Atha! Can you tell us what the judge's decision was?" "What were the circumstances of your kidnap?" "Ms. Atha, is it true that your injury was caused by Pietre Harraldsson?" "Your Highness, did you have some kind of falling out with James Marlin?" "Your Grace, is it true? The rumours that you Athrun Zala was once your bodyguard and-," She shook her head mutely, unable to face the field of flashing lights and the outcry of voices in that strange sea of hands and arms and featureless faces. "Did you know that you were related to Kira Yamato since the First War?" The buzzing in her head was still going louder. Which was louder? The buzzing here or the shouted

5 days. Chapter 30 An hour later, all the verdicts were read out to the courtroom's spectators, who had been allowed back in. The questioning had been done without them, but public accountability demanded that the verdict were reread for their sake. And as the last of the verdict was read out, the courtroom's spectators began to talk. These were no longer whispers or barely-concealed mutters. Some were rushing towards their superiors who sat in other sections of the courtroom, demanding to know what the implications of the verdict was. Cagalli sat amongst them, not hearing the roar of their discussion, hearing only her heart beat against her, a reminder that she still existed. Dimly, she watched as the witnesses and people who'd given their testimonies were led out by the bailiffs. She kept her eyes on Athrun's back; willing him to turn, willing him to look at her. But he never got a chance to turn, and nothing she saw of his expression suggested that he knew what to feel. Then Cagalli closed her eyes, and without knowing why or how, she struggled out of the courtroom, not noticed by anyone. The hundreds of people surged around, the bailiffs

accusations and doubts channeled towards those she'd given so much of herself away for? "Was it true that you knew you would be kidnapped but let yourself be? And what are your thoughts on-," The cameras were flashing everywhere, and she didn't understand what was going on. Shaking her head, feeling nauseous, Cagalli felt someone guiding her. She felt her vision going black for a moment and blinked, trying to walk straight. "Give her some room." A voice was barking. "Sir, you can't" "Your Grace-," She was about to thank the person who was pulling her away from what she presumed was the crowd. But as Cagalli looked up, she realized a microphone was shoved under her face, and in horror, she realized that a reporter had gotten through the line of bodyguards and was yelling questions in her ear. Terrified, Cagalli shook herself free from the person who had her elbow in a grip and began to run, shoving through the circle of people around her. A reporter broke free from the cordoned section and began to chase, and she didn't even have time to react, for her feet were reacting independently of her judgment. As she fled up the stairs and back into the courtroom and down the first corridor that she could see, she slammed into someone who'd somehow overtaken her, and she looked up into Yzak Joule's impatient, sharp-featured face. But those features were marred by how wan he looked, and she noticed immediately that he'd aged in some way. "Just in time, then. I was trying to reach you and get you to a safer place." He said with that thin brittleness she recognized as barelyveiled impatience. "How strange that you would run like I was the paparazzi." Despite his stern posture and the way he seemed to fill every inch and implication of his uniform, Cagalli was suddenly aware that Yzak had never cared for his duty when he'd stepped into the courtroom. He had only cared for the friendship between him and Athrun, and for that, he had spoken out. "Head General, I," Cagalli stammered an apology and backed away. But Yzak captured her hand and spoke in a voice that had no room for argument. "Come."

She stared, not knowing what to say to him, he who seemed so familiar but not quite as well. Everything was in a blur around her, and she knew she couldn't refuse even though she was afraid of what came next. She did not know where Yzak Joule would take her- their feet were marching down halls and halls and mazes of the bowels of the Supreme Court. Her hands were shaking, even the one he held. Yet, she knew not to question him. Turning corridor after corridor in the abyss of the inner courts, Yzak suddenly paused. This door looked like any other, and she stared at it, then at Yzak. "This room's a safe one." He told her. Nobody will bother you here. But you can't stay for more than an half an hour, you hear me?" Gratefully, she nodded. Her feet were sluggish as he led her and she wondered if she was breathing too hard to be getting any air at all. "I just want- want a place to breathe in for a while." "Funny." Yzak looked a bit sad. "That's what he said too." "What?" She said stupidly, not understanding. "What do you mean?" Then Yzak looked at her and said brusquely, "He's been waiting for you." It was then that she understood and her eyes widened and her face paled a little. "How long has he been waiting for me?" Cagalli asked quietly, afraid that Athrun had seen her in the crowds, waiting to hear the verdict. Yzak looked at her with something like scorn and empathy mixed into a complex emotion. There was bitterness in his eyes and sadness in his voice. "Ever since he met you again." Cagalli had scarcely any time to learn how to breathe again, for Yzak had opened the door and pushed her in, shutting it as it automatically locked. She stumbled in, facing Athrun, seeing him again, the way he sat, carefully, on the edge of his seat, his legs crossed elegantly, as if he had never been through the ordeal that she had witnessed. His hands were no longer bound and the bruise on his cheek had faded, although something of that distressing shadow remained and his haunted eyes seemed as hollow as ever.

He stood up, watching her with those eyes she had avoided for so long, and she put a hand to her lips, vision a little blurred at the edges. The back of her hand was tight against her mouth, the palm facing outwards, shielding half her expression. Desperately, the back of her hand began rubbing her mouth, as if she could find her voice that way. Then she was running and throwing herself into his arms, her arms circling around his neck, his own arms finding their way around her back as he kissed her. These were angry, passionate kisses, Cagalli realized. These were familiar ones that held their frustration with the kind of regret that had stained their lives. These were kisses that bruised their lips; quick, hungry, lingering kisses that were reminiscent of those who knew of nothing else to say. These were kisses of a desperation that she could not measure or quantify even when he was right next to her. No apology came, nor did any explanation. Perhaps, any would not have sufficed, and any would have been superfluous. She thought of the puzzle he'd been able to open and the way she'd struggled to for so long without realizing that only he could open the puzzle when he chose to. She thought of how she'd yearned to know how to open it, and she thought of how long she'd wanted to be able to understand him, even while she had been afraid of breaking him. Athrun heard her sobbing, and he buried her face near his shoulder, hugging Cagalli as if she were life itself. He scarcely knew that he was breaking inwardly, clutching her and begging her not to cry. "I'll have to leave for the Plants," He said softly. "I have to return to face the marshal court's inquiries." Her breaths came in gasps. "I don't want you to go! Stay, don't leave anymore-," Athrun shook his head, still holding her very tightly. "Orb has always needed you, you can't abdicate and leave all that you've accomplished-," "I don't care about all that anymore!" She cried. Nor did she care that she was helpless, she was being foolish and weak, and that her pride had long been replaced with desperation and the misery of the future's prospects without the anchor of his presence. Amongst all these, she cared little that she was begging him as she'd never begged anyone before, and that he was present to see the way her tears were streaming down her face. "I've never cared about anything more than you- you can't ask me to go back there and pretend that nothing exists outside that little world that I used to lock myself in!"

"I don't care what kind of savior complex you've developed since young, Athrun, or the real reason why you pushed me away from you the other day." She was choking in a bid to say what she wanted to, but her words seemed to fail her. "Don't you dare take me and then say you're giving me up!" Athrun kissed her feverish forehead, and he felt a few warm tears drop from his eyes. Those fell on her hands and she didn't dare to look up and realize that he had never been strong the way she'd imagined. Athrun had been as weak as her in his indecision and his capacity to hope. If she had thought him to be strong, that had only been because he'd had to be strong for them both. "I thought I'd do anything to hear that." His voice was hoarse and his hands seem to weaken in their grip. "I didn't mind giving away my identity and my beliefs so that I could meet you again." "Don't go then," Cagalli begged, looking at him and grabbing his shoulders. "You don't have to prove anything anymore." Athrun gazed at her. "I have to. I have a few more things to sort out." She knew what he was trying to hide. His insubordination would be brought into question and she knew he had already been charged and was facing court-marshalling from Zaft. "It's going to take some time to sort out." He told her, and she saw the fear in his eyes, despite his strength and steady calm. She saw the old pain in his mouth and the way he held his head high, and Cagalli knew that she was going to lose him. "How long?" He shook his head, unable to say anything. He would not lie to her this time. "Athrun," He held her a little tighter. "I wish-," His voice broke. "I wish I didn't have to go." She clung to him, trying to tell Athrun what she had always felt, what she had always wanted to say to him, the innermost of her thoughts and her wishes. But it made no difference now. It was impossible. In that little world of her own, he had made her very aware of the world that existed outside it, a world that he existed in. She wanted to go to him, to that other world outside her own, but now it was impossible. Still, it made her very bitter. He had shown her what the real world was, how complex and strange it was, how insanely necessary he was to her, and now, he was taking everything away. It

wasn't fair it just wasn't. But then, she had done the same to him a very long time ago. She'd taught him how to feel, she'd shown him that love and hatred were very much the same, and then she had taken it all away and made him a shell of himself. Perhaps then, Cagalli realized, it was fair. "I have to go soon." He said quietly. Yet, his arms did not slacken around her. She held him close. "Isn't there some way for me to change that? How can I make you stay?" "I don't want you to." Athrun said slowly. "There's no point in that now." She knew that he spoke the truth. Even if she abdicated now, it would not change the fact that the Plants would never let him leave. She could go to the Plants with himCagalli Yula Atha could throw everything away in the manner she'd just threatened to if he didn't stay. But it wouldn't change anything where the Isle was concerned. It was a place where the past could be escaped even if only in the minds of the deluded ones, and it was a place that he was bound for indefinitely. It was the one place she would never be able to return to again. And who was to speak of returning when the same river could never be stepped into twice? "You won't be coming back, will you?" She was unable to stop her tears. "That's why you're not saying anything." He was silent. "I don't know. I have to deal with some things first." "Come back to me," She begged, holding his hands in hers. "Please." "You can't cave in," His voice was low and hoarse, for if he was fighting something they both couldn't see. "Don't give anything up. You're going to be strong for yourself now. You must." Her tears were still falling even when all the expression had died from her face. She felt nothing of them, saw nothing of the emotion in face because her vision was so blurred, but she nodded for both their sakes. When had their lives become those parallel lines that looked so similar but never met? He reached to her collarbone, peeling away the high-necked collar she wore, fetching out the ring she was wearing on a chain. In fact, however, he hadn't needed to check he'd always known that she had been wearing it. She looked at it soberly, and then closed her eyes because the tears would not stop falling. In that darkness; in her

blindness, she felt him kiss and say quietly, "Keep it safe for me." Her voice echoed his in its pain and longing. "Always."

-34 days