Effective Communication

Every day were required to share information, explanations, changes, ideas, directions, and viewpoints to others in our lives. To be successful, to be a top achiever, the ability to persuade and speak clearly with a focus, that spurs others to action, is vital. Men and women who use the spoken word powerfully are the men and women who change the world Our World! Effective communication is the key to both professional and personal success. Who in a leadership role is exempt from the need to prompt others to think, feel, and act as they desire? Were all engaged in the effort of persuasion from the time were born until we draw our last breath. The miracle of communication is that we communicate as well as we do. Think about the intricacies of our egos, beliefs, self-images, and backgrounds. Add to this our uniqueness of our experiences, assumptions, and biases, and then think about language and cultural differences, regional speech patterns and semantics. So, lets begin with a most obvious and basic assumption: People are different! 1. People think, act, and respond differently. 2. People have different pace, tone, and ways at looking at the world. 3. People naturally assume that others think, feel, and view the world the same way they do. 4. People will communicate with others in a way consistent with their own styles which is why they often fail to communicate. 5. Rapport with others happens much quicker when we understand their style and change our style to mirror them. We typically communicate with others through four basic means: Listening, Speaking, Reading, and Writing. And although were taught the traditional Three Rs (Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic) in school, most of us didnt receive any formal education about how to listen effectively or how to express ourselves constructively while interacting with others. Seldom are these interpersonal channels of communication a part of the curriculum in basic education. Yet listening and speaking skills are critical elements for people to not only better understand one another, but to better work with one another. To communicate successfully, one must be able to combine active listening and assertive speaking. Their definitions are: Assertive speaking: The act of expressing yourself directly, positively, and with confidence, so that your point comes across clearly and so that you maintain respect toward others. Active listening: The act of providing nonverbal and verbal feedback to a speaker that allows his or her message to be expressed and shows understanding of that message.

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To communicate more effectively with others, we need to make a shift and think of communication in terms of an outcome. To do that, we must look at communication from the receivers perspective. We should always ask these two questions, What is my desired outcome with this communication? What do I want others to think, feel, and do after receiving my message? At a minimum, our objective for effective communication should be mutual understanding.

The Essence of Communication:

A. Three Satisfactions that Tellers want from Listeners:
1. Attention: To be listened to 2. Belief: Acceptance of their ideas 3. Action: We want our words to persuade others

B. Five Satisfactions Listeners want from Tellers:

1. They want to feel comfortable with you and your ideas: What this says is that You cant separate the message from the messenger. You cannot separate the speech from the speaker or the delivery from the message. No matter how skillful you are at speaking, you will not be a good speaker if you have nothing important to say or if the words and phrases you choose are inappropriate for the occasion. Nor can you be an effective speaker if you do not master the fundamentals of good delivery. 2. They want to feel attracted to the future: You have to answer the question for your listener of Whats in it for me? 3. They want to understand how its going to play to other people: Opinions of ourselves often come from how other people see us. As presenters, we have to let the listener see how our idea is going to play to others in their world. 4. They want to understand if they do this that it will help fight against something that needs to be fought against: i.e. high prices, poor quality, poor value, poor service... 5. They want to understand that it is in their power to do it: Your listener has to be able to see himself (herself) doing this.

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Becoming One with Your Listener:

Being an unprepared presenter sends a dramatic message to your listener. It says to them; I dont think youre very important. If you were, Id be better prepared. Listeners are sensitive. They pick up signals and react to them personally. One of the best ways to connect with your listener is to give them the sense that you know their business as well as you know your own. Presentations should be built on the listeners future rather than the presenters past. (Dont tell me about your grass seed. Tell me about my lawn)

Listening to Your Listener:

When you listen well and have been perceived to have listened well, you help forge the beginning of a productive relationship. Why? Because when you really hear someone else, you are giving the very precious, but all too rare, gift of being understood. Most of us at some time have experienced the power and relief of being truly understood. And besides, by listening you just might learn something. Paying attention to the needs of your listener is the primary focus for any presenter.

Active Listening Skills:

1. Attending: Ask open-ended questions. Remember to be quiet and listen. Seek to understand before seeking to be understood. 2. Acknowledgment: While listening, use signals to convey to your listener that youre paying attention to them. Use gestures such as nodding of the head, facial expressions, vocal encouragement, note-taking. . . 3. Paraphrase: Repeat back to the listener what you have heard. This is when real communication begins. By repeating the information you have heard, your listener can let you know if you understood them. 4. Probing: Now, youre able to ask more questions and get more detailed information about the listeners concerns.

Making a Great First Impression: The best way to make a great first impression, is to focus on the needs of the other person. Make each person feel involved in an intimate conversation, simply by asking a question and listening intently, showing through your body language and facial expressions that you are sincere. You will be remembered! 3
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Your Image:
The image you present to your listener consists of various components. Powerful presenters have positive images. Ineffective presenters....well, not so good images. Dr. Albert Marabian, Professor of Communications in California, states that image is defined by these three areas: Verbal (the words you use) Vocal (the way the words are said) Visual (gestures, eyes, face, body) _____% _____% _____% = 100 %

Does this mean that what a speaker says is less important than how he says it or how he look while saying it? Not at all. The point is that verbal, vocal, and visual impressions combine to create an effective, memorable message. Words convey information. Nonverbal communications add meaning to the information. It boils down to what we say and how we say it and what we do and how we do it. Your image consists of a number of components. They are: 1. Posture: Slouchy or straight and balanced? 2. Attitude: Towards yourself and towards your listener(s)? 3. Clothing: Not appropriate or professional? 4. Energy Level: High or Low? 5. Competence: Assertive or Mousey and Apologetic? 6. Knowledge of Subject: Reading from a script or well versed on your topic? 7. Preparation: Self-assured or winging it? 8. Use of Language: Speaking cleanly and clearly or complicatedly? 9. Gestures: Expressive or Rigid? 10. Voice and Vocal Variety: Expressive and Passionate or Monotone and Flat?

The genius who cannot communicate is at the mercy of the dunce who can! 4
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Your Tool Box:

Facial Expressions: Be active, not passive. Say it with your face. Use your energy, passion and enthusiasm. Let your listener(s) see these feelings in your face. And smiling never hurts. Eye Contact: Eye contact can do more to enhance your presentation skills than any other single improvement you can make. Vocal cords may carry your message, but eyes hold your listener. In a very real sense, listening isnt done with the ears, its done with the eyes. For the presenter, without eye contact, it is impossible to tell if anybody is listening. Watching the eyes of your listener(s), allows you to edit your presentation as you go. If you want to increase the attention span of your listener(s), increase your eye contact. You can speak loudly or softly, quickly or slowly. You can pause at the appropriate time. Think of your voice as an instrument, capable of hitting high notes, low notes, and all the notes in between. Use all of your body. Be expressive. Gestures are to speaking what punctuation marks are to writing. Used sparingly, they add clarity and emphasis to the message. Overused, they can be distracting to the audience. Your hands always need to be kept under control. The best place for your hands are at your side except when using them to make an appropriate gesture, to refer to a visual, or to manipulate your notes. Rattling change or keys, tapping a pencil on the table while talking, having your hand in front of your mouth when talking are sources of irritation for your listener(s). Is an important part of body language. Stand or sit straight with your shoulders back and your head held high. Look confident and comfortable. If your standing, have an open posture and face your listener. Dont slouch or lean. Use the posture your mother was always reminding you to use. Take up space, use it all. This helps your visual impact and exhibits energy. What you wear and how you appear states your credibility. Compliment your listener by what you wear. Let your clothes communicate that you think they are worth getting dressed up for. 5
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Your Voice:

Gestures:

Your Hands:

Posture:

Space:

Artifacts:

Traits of Effective Speakers:

1. They have a passion for their message (inner fire) 2. They speak with authority (well-prepared, knowledgeable and focused on their message) 3. They connect with their audience (their listener) 4. They tell a good story 5. They use their voices well 6. They are vulnerable 7. They are authentic 8. They have a sense of humor

Traits of Ineffective Speakers:

1. They ramble 2. They speak in monotone 3. They are uninformed on their topic 4. They show no energy or passion 5. They use too many fillers (non-words) 6. They exhibit poor eye contact 7. They pace or wander or fidget 8. They use profanity or questionable humor 9. They lack preparation 10. They are poor Storytellers

Summary: The Art of Telling is professional speaking education for professionals. The business person who can communicate clearly with others, whether one-on-one, oneon-five or one-on-five hundred has enormous power. There is a world of difference between talking to others and communicating with others. Effective communication is a million-dollar skill, a path to success in all areas of your life both personal and professional. Most of us make our living communicating in some way or another. Most of our waking hours are spent in conversations whether one-on-one, one-to-a-boardroom or sometimes one-to-a-thousand. When was the last time you made the effort to be sure you were doing this communicating effectively? What an amazing and dramatic difference the ability to communicate, to present makes in our lives. The better prepared you are, the better you use your tools the more effective youll be in communicating effectively with others. The skills and the tools needed for a well-tuned presentation are in our reach. The realities are we all have to work to polish these skills. Most of us will not pay the price. For those who do, the reward is enormous! 6
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Self Talk
Were all creatures of habit and our habits control most of our lives. Studies have shown that as much as 88% of our behavior is dictated by our habits. The things we think about on a routine basis impact our behavior greatly. If we think we can or if we think we cant were right. What we think about happens its true. So where do these habits of thought come from? The short answer is our childhoods. Psychologists have discovered that up to 95% of our basic mental habits and attitudes are developed by the time we are 5 years old. Think about the things you learned from your parents or other well-meaning adults as a child. Dont talk to strangers Dont speak unless spoken to Dont bite off more than you can chew

As a result, we have habits of thinking about not doing things wrong rather than habits of doing things right. Were in the habit of avoiding bad things rather than seeking out good things. The voices in our heads echo those of our parents admonishments rather than becoming our own voices of encouragement. Habits control so much of our lives. It makes sense, then, to make sure the habits we have are helping us reach our goals and not inadvertently moving us in the wrong direction. Our mind, our attitudes and our deeply imbedded beliefs may be the greatest obstacles to overcome in achieving our potential. As a child, we learn about limitations very early. Combine the early negative conditioning with the fact that most of what we hear on a daily basis in the news is negative. Is it any wonder that most people think more about whats wrong, how they might fail and why it wont work rather than whats right, how they can succeed and how they can make it work? We hold onto one or more of these contradictory attitudes that limit our ability to create what we truly want. These limiting beliefs can actually direct us away from the things we want most. Two of the most common limiting attitudes include a belief in ones own powerlessness and a belief in ones unworthiness. Many people believe that they dont really have the power in themselves to affect change and they are destined to have in the future what they have in the present. In addition, many people also believe they dont deserve to have more or be better off later than they are now. Since attitudes are habits of thought, they are deeply ingrained. The formation of new habits can take days, weeks or months to become an integral part of your behavior. While the task may not be easy, it can be done.

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What you say about your self and, more importantly, what you believe about your self can greatly influence what you do and how you feel. Self-talk is a habit. We all have that tape loop running in our heads; that voice that constantly tells us how to react or what to expect from situations. Whats on that tape is either positive or negative; its helpful or its not. Affirmations are the positive form of self-talk. That is, they play the positive tapes instead of the negative ones. Affirmations are the positive statements which describe the person you wish to become. To work properly affirmations should possess the following characteristics: Positive Statements in the first person singular (I) Expressed in the present tense Within your capacity to believe Directly related to your goals

For example: I am the top salesperson in my company. I accomplish the goals I set for myself. I do the things necessary to get what I want in life.

As you know, change is tough. However, the use of affirmations can be a great tool for achieving your goals. Affirmations, that power self-talk, reinforce your self-confidence and inspire you to achieve more.

Please Note: The education on Self-Talk came from Elephant University Mastering Sales Magnetism.

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