Developing Effective Communication Skills 1

Contents Pg. No.

Developing Effective Communication Skills 37.................1 Introduction - Communication Process & Barriers ............3 Stage 4: Decoding the message......................................5 Skills in Interpersonal Communication.............................9 The Art of Effective Listening ........................................11 Listening to the Unsaid - Body Language........................19 Giving and Receiving Feedback......................................26 Conclusion....................................................................29

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Developing Effective Communication Skills 2

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Developing Effective Communication Skills 3

Introduction - Communication Process & Barriers

With the best will in the world and the best board in the world and the best strategic direction in the world, nothing will happen unless everyone down the line understands what they are trying to achieve and gives of their best. - Sir John Harvey Jones Developing Effective Communication Skills Every aspect of human behavior is related in some form or manner to the process of sending and receiving information. We know we belong when something has been communicated to us, that we have been accepted as a member of a group or organisation. Communication is a fact in the world of men, animal and plants. It is an ever-continuing process. It is essential to human, animal and vegetable existence as life itself. The need for communication is as basic as hunger for food, perhaps even more so. The word Communication has been derived from the Latin word communis which means common. Communication is defined as the process of passing information and understanding from one person to another. Whatever our needs be, our reaction to their motivational force is completely dependent upon the transmission and recognition of some kind of information. In the employment situation, employees performance is directly correlated with efficiency of communication process. Organisational Communication can be defined as the process of the flow (transmission and reception) of goal-oriented messages between sources, in a pattern and through a medium or media. In almost any organisation there can be found examples of inefficiency, wastage, spoilage and misunderstanding, all of which can be traced to some form of communication. This has an adverse effect on the functioning and well - being of an organisation. The situation is all the more unfortunate because many managers quite frequently think they are properly communicating to their subordinates when in reality they are not. Communication consists of far more than merely telling people things. Until the managers learn, understand and become skilled in the basic process of transmitting and receiving information, they cannot possibly lead and motivate people in the manner required to get the work done efficiently.
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It is a means of bringing about the maximum production at the lowest cost by maintaining good human relations in the organisation, by encouraging suggestions and implementing them, whenever feasible. In fact, it is impossible to communication, and vice versa. have human relations without

Objectives Of Communication Management depends on communication to achieve organisational objectives. Since managers work through others, all their acts, policies, rules, orders and procedures must pass through some sort of communication channel. The objectives of communication can be explained WITH SPEED Will foster an attitude which is necessary for motivation, co-operation and job satisfaction. Improve worker-management relations by keeping both in contact with each other. The basic human needs such as the needs for recognition, selfimportance and a sense of belongingness are satisfied. Halt the spread of misinformation, rumors and gossip and release the emotional tensions of the workers. Serves auxiliary functions such as entertainment and the maintenance of social relations among human beings. Prepare workers for a change by giving them the necessary information in advance. Encourage ideas, suggestions from subordinates for an improvement in the product and working conditions, for a reduction in time or cost involved and for avoidance of waste of raw material. Ensure free exchange of information and ideas as well as assist all employees in understanding and accepting the authority and status of everyone in the organisation. Develop information and understanding, which are necessary for group effort. Communication Process Good communication is the foundation for sound management. It is through a well-laid system of communication that the management
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functions, viz., those of planning, organizing, coordinating, directing and controlling. Communication process basically contains the following steps: STEP 1: Conceiving the message In this stage the sender takes a decision to communicate a message i.e. he creates ideas, information, certain guidelines which have to be conveyed to someone else. STEP 2: Encoding the message The sender puts the ideas and thoughts into some form of logical and coded message. The language of communication includes the following: the spoken word the written word the number the picture, drawing, symbol or diagram the non-verbal communication like expression, gesture, posture. An appropriate method of communication has to be selected by the sender of the message, which will reach the receiver who will decode it STEP 3: Selecting Communication Medium Once the appropriate language has been chosen, the sender needs to select the right medium through which the message will be transmitted. E.g. Through mail, or telephone or in person, etc. Some major factors influencing the choice of communication medium are: Potential effectiveness Need for fact Simultaneous reception of information by recipients Need for a record Confidentiality Need for instant feedback Complexity of message Time Cost Need for speed Stage 4: Decoding the message Before a message can be absorbed or acted upon, it first needs to be understood. This requires that the receiver must be skillful in reading or listening, and must be able to reason. Many messages are ineffective because the sender fails to realize that the language he had chosen might be beyond the ability of the receiver to comprehend.
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Some of the reasons for a failure to decode a message successfully are: The senders sentence structure and use of language is too difficult for the receiver to grasp. The sender is a specialist and the receiver is a layman. Education, cultural pursuits and outlooks create a language block between the sender and the receiver. Stage 5: Interpreting the message The receiver acts or reacts to the message that he has inferred. He needs to comprehend and understand the message correctly at this stage. Stage 6: Providing Feedback Feedback is the check on how successful one has been in transferring his messages as originally intended. Feedback provides a means of reassuring the sender that: A message has been received It has been comprehended It has been correctly interpreted The receiver is ready for the next part. Such feedback when positive may be signaled by a nod, smile, and a written acceptance of an invitation or a series of agreeing murmurs at the other end of a telephone line. Alternatively, it may be negative - a stifled yawn, a restless fidgeting, an angry silence or vociferous clamor. Whether positive or negative, if correctly interpreted, feedback is always productive to the alert and sensitive sender. It is therefore important to be able to recognize the signals and read them correctly.

Barriers in Communication Barriers in communication tend to distort the message and directly retard the success of managers in the performance of their task. Poorly transmitted messages leads to misunderstanding, frictions, conflict and affect employee morale adversely. Communication Barriers Human/Personal Semantic Personal emotions Word interpretations Biases Gesture decoding Perceptual (handshake, Variations frown, Competencies yawn, stretching, Sensual abilities
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Technical Space or geographical distance Mechanical failures Physical obstruction

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Mental faculties Operational senses (sight, touch, hearing, taste, smell) Pre-occupied/mind Wandering

etc.) Language translations Sign & symbols Clue meaning

Technological malfunctions. Concrete obstacles Time lags

Some common reasons due to which barriers may arise are: Different geographical backgrounds Poor supervision Fear of reprisal Psychological barrier Organisation structure Different economic, social, educational and occupational background Physical or environmental barriers Personal barriers Premature evaluation Different language Considering the importance of effective communication in the successful functioning of business organisations, it is essential on the part of the management to overcome these barriers. Though, it may not be possible to eliminate these barriers altogether, suitable managerial actions in this direction can minimize the effect of these barriers to such an extent that adequate and objective information flows in different directions. Following measures can be adopted in this regard: 1. It is imperative that organisational policy must be clear and explicit and encourage communication flow so that people at all levels realize the full significance of communication. This organisational policy should express in clear and unambiguous terms that the organisation favors the promotion of communication. 2. This policy should also specify the subject matter to be communicated. This does not mean that contents of communication are to be prescribed in a completely exclusive manner but the list should be illustrative and it should emphasize that the subject-matter of communication should be determined by the needs of the organisation. 3. Communication through proper channel is essential for orderly flow of information, it should not be always insisted upon. The system of communication through proper channel serves the purpose adequately so far as routine types of information are concerned.
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4. Every person in the organisation shares the responsibility of good communication, however, persons at the top have special responsibility in this regard. A successful communication system will only be achieved if top management is determined to achieve. It must set a good example in itself, clearly expect others to follow them and check from time to time that there are no bottlenecks. 5. Organisations should have adequate facilities for promoting communication and suitable attention must be given towards their proper and effective use. The superior managers need to emphasize to the employees to use these facilities through the adoption of supportive attitude and behavior. 6. Communication being an interpersonal process, the development of interpersonal relationships based on mutual respect, trust and confidence is essential for its promotion. In large organisations, status differentials and class distinctions get overemphasized; making interpersonal relationships amongst the executive, highly impersonal and official. The organisational climate, therefore, should be radically modified to make it more intimate and personal. A modification in the attitude and behavior of persons is essential for promotion of communication. 7. Lastly, an educative program in communication should be organized for managers at all levels. In this program, managers should be instructed about the need and significance of communication, need for developing close personal contacts among individuals. 8. There should be a continuous program of evaluating the flow of communication in different directions. This would highlight problems in this area, identify their causes and thereby enable the adoption of suitable corrective actions. Removal of Communication Barriers Identify and Analyze the barriers Find out possible barriers in the way of effective communication and find solutions to remove them. Emphasize upon written communication It serves as evidence to what has been said/stated or occurred. Empathetic speaking and hearing The receiver of communication should be sensitive to the needs and feelings when the sender speaks and listens. Optimum timing is important in communication Messages are most likely to be considered and attended to when they are communicated at an appropriate time. Providing Feedback This removes disparities between the information received and the message intended to be communicated. Repetition of messages
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When a message is repeated more than once it gets registered in the mind of the receiver. For e.g. advertising the companys product on television, radio, billboards, in magazines, etc. is basically repeating of the message. Barriers due to distance They can be overcome by utilising the latest Telecommunication facilities. Semantic distortions It can be minimized by communicating the message in direct, simple and meaningful language. Art of listening Learning to listen is also an important art in human relations that every executive must learn and master.

Skills in Interpersonal Communication

Effective Interpersonal Communication Skills Five qualities of Effective Interpersonal Communication are Openness, Empathy, Positiveness, Supportiveness, Equality Openness : refers to atleast three aspects of interpersonal communication. (1) communicators must be willing to self disclose, to reveal information about oneself that might normally be kept hidden but which is relevant to the interpersonal encounter. (2) communicators must be willing to react honesty to incoming stimuli. Nothing seems worse than indifference. (3) communicators must acknowledge that the feelings and thoughts we express are ours and that we bear the responsibility for them. It is the antithesis of blaming others for the way one feels. It requires the participants to won feelings and thoughts. Empathy : is the ability to feel with the individual. Perhaps it is the most difficult of all the communication qualities to achieve. To empathies with someone is to feel as that person does. On the other hand to sympathies is to feel for the individual. Communicating this empathy is vital. When one senses anothers feelings and attitudes as if he / she had experienced those feelings or attitudes, the person is empathizing. Open and empathetic interpersonal communication cannot survive in a threatening atmosphere. Individuals may not reveal themselves when they fear criticism on them. In a supportive environment, silence too can speak a lot and words may create noise. Positiveness : refers to at least three different elements.

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1. positive regard for the self. Individuals who feel positive about themselves will convey this feeling for themselves to others who in turn are likely to return the positive regard. 2. Communication will be fostered if a positive feeling for the other person is communicated. 3. A positive feeling for the general communication situation. Nothing is more unpleasant than communicating with someone who does not enjoy the exchange or does not respond favorably to the situation / context. Equality : interpersonal communication is generally more effective when the atmosphere is one of equality. i.e. there should be a tacit recognition that both parties are valuable and worthwhile human beings and that each has something important to contribute. There should be an attempt to achieving an equality of sending ( speaking ) v/s receiving ( listening ). All these qualities can be learned to improve upon our ( effective ) communication. There are certain other aspects which need to be considered while dealing with effective communication. e.g. The more homophilons individuals are, the more open they will be with each other. Empathy is greatest when people are homophilons and least when they are heterophilons. Homophily refers to the degree of similarity between the parties engaged in interpersonal communication and heterophily refers to the degree of difference between the parties. Thus, by supporting homophilons people we are in effect supporting ourselves. When we are with people who are homophilons we feel more positive toward ourselves because we are not made to feel inferior or different as we might be made to feel if we were with heterophilons people. By definition hemophilons people are equal to us; neither inferior nor superior. Hence there is more likely to be atmosphere of equality where both participants have to contribute. But if the two people are homophilons in regard to the subject matter then neither will be competent enough to change the attitudes, beliefs or behaviours of the other. Then change is brought about when the parties involved are optimally heterophilons. i. e. when one party is optimally more competent than the others he / she will be better able to effect change in the other.

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In the expressive aspect we communicate to express our own feeling and thoughts. In the instrumental aspect we communicate to influence others; communication is a means to the ends of persuasion. Hart & Burks address their 5 characteristics of rhetorically sensitive individual to the instrumental function of communication. 1. The individual attempts to accept role-taking as a necessary part of the human condition. We inevitably take on different roles depending upon the context, person, or time and we need to recognize this. 2. The individual attempts to avoid stylized verbal behaviour. The role one adapts is according to the requirement of the situation and not on the basis of consistency with previous behaviour. 3. The individual is willing to adapt on the basis of the communication interaction i.e. willingness to change our thoughts, beliefs, attitudes or even behaviour. This involves not engaging in self fulfilling prophecy. 4. The individual attempts to distinguish between all available information and information that is acceptable for communication. Thus according to them, total candor can often be destructive. Hence rhetorical character recognizes what can be said and what should be said in a given situation. 5. The individual recognized that ideas can be expressed in different ways. This consideration, or lack of it, that we give to the ways in which we express our feelings and thoughts often distinguishes between the expressive and instrumental forms of communication. The need to consider alternative ways of expression is perhaps most significant when emotions run high. e.g. There are many ways to express our anger / frustration ; some ways can be productive rather than others. The rhetorically sensitive person recognizes this and demonstrates this in his / her communications.

The Art of Effective Listening

Effective Listening: All of us have used the term listening quite often, and we have been asked by parents, teachers, friends and employers if we have been listening. Without giving it a second thought, you undoubtedly answered, Yes, I was listening. But, was this really true? It is quite possible that we were only hearing, that is, being aware that sound was going on around us. But listening is something more than hearing. Simply defined, listening is hearing plus comprehension plus response. This simple equation will help you remember the definition :
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L (Listening) + H (Hearing) + C (Comprehension) + R (Response) Purpose Of Listening: There are a number of purposes and functions of listening that you should understand so that you may be a more effective listener. 1. Listening for information, getting ideas, principles and facts with recall as a goal. 2. Listening for pleasure, appreciation, entertainment and enjoyment. 3. Listening in order to make an intellectual judgement. Our goal here is to judge, to criticise and to evaluate ideas and concepts which the speaker presents. Active Listening Listening is an active process. It involves understanding the meanings of words, expressions, and ideas. It is evaluating the content of the message. It requires the listener to assimilate, or make a part of himself, the message or the thought being sent. Each of these process-understanding, evaluating, and assimilating - requires the conscious action of the listener. Human relation experts have frequently suggested that the greatest barrier to peoples understanding people is our basic inability to actively listen to others. In other words everyone has learned to talk, but no one has learned to listen. Listening Habits Good listening results from careful cultivation of positive listening activities. Although listening is an active process, it need not be a completely conscious one. The secret to better listening is to develop good listening habits. A Conversation of a Speech? Most of the important aspects of good listening apply to a formal speech as well as a quiet conversation between a manager and an employee. Some listening problems happen more often in a large group while our person is talking, whereas other problems are more commonly found when two or three individuals communicate face to face. By developing good listening habits, you can overcome many communication difficulties that plague management.

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Concentrate on the Speakers Strength Few people are blessed with the winning combination of a good delivery and an interesting, stimulating subject. When either the subject or the speaker is dull, we often find it easy to tune out and then blame the speaker for our listening failure. However, this should not bother the good listener. The good listener has developed the habit of focusing his or her attention on the key aspects of a presentation, either in a two person conversation or a large audience lecture. If the speaker is dull, repetitive, or lacking vocal colour. The good listener doesnt tune out. Instead, he or she works harder to focus more attention on the subject being discussed. No matter what the subject, there is at least one or two facts (or at least some inferences) that can be extracted and used. The active listener works at finding and evaluating those facts and inferences. If the subject is really dull, boring, totally irrelevant, and beyond salvation, the good listener focuses on the speakers delivery. How does she pronounce words? What does her voice accent say about where she grew up? By observing people, the good listener is able to turn an otherwise wasted time into some beneficial outcome. Stay Cool Often, while weve listening, a word or a phrase or an expression can trigger an emotional reaction. We get over stimulated and immediately block out whatever else is said. Good listeners develop the habit of staying cool when an emotional situation develops. No one is immune to emotion, but the good listener has a habit of recognizing the emotional trigger and can neutralize it before it blocks the rest of the message. This requires concentration and the ability to move your attention quickly. Over stimulation In a meeting or discussion, a controversial or provocative idea may pop into your head. Whether the idea is good or bad, your reaction will usually be the same. If you are not a good listener, you will immediately start making mental or written notes about the ideas and ignore what the speaker says next. This isnt as much of a problem if youre tape recording the conversation. Even taping may not overcome all the problems, but, without such a back up, you risk losing important information. Dont Think About Elephants! Causing a distraction is rude. But, too often, tolerating a distraction can be just as damaging to your powers of listening as the actual distraction itself.
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Trying to overcome these distractions by tolerating them can lead to same unfortunate consequences. Good listeners who face distraction must walk a delicate balance. They must overlook the distraction, itself, while not getting too wrapped up in tolerating it. When distraction do occur, try concentrating in a positive way on the ideas the other person is giving you. In this way, the distraction is minimized without the need for toleration.

The most neglected art, courtesy and necessity today is that of LISTENING. Here are some considerations: Hearing is not listening. Hearing doesnt make communication; listening does Listening must take place at two levels: the level of words and the level of feelings. Were constantly speaking the language of feelings but rarely listening at that level. If you dont understand how a person feels, you havent understood him. You cant listen to others unless youre listening to yourself. If you cant hear your own feelings, you will never hear others. Without an awareness of your own feelings, youll be sending signals to the other person that you yourself dont perceive. You cannot communicate with others if your own communication system has broken down. Exploration is one thing, argumentation is another. Argumentation is the end of listening. No man is an island. People need people, and today, more than ever, people need listening. Guides To Good Listening Find an area of interest Judge content, not delivery Delay evaluation Listen for ideas Be flexible Actively work at listening Resist distractions Exercise your mind Keep your mind open Capitalize on thought Types of Non-listening
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There are several types of non-listening and poor listeners. One is pseudo-listening. It is an imitation of the real thing. Often the pseudo-listener ignores you because of something on his mind that is more important to him than your remarks. Other times he may think he has heard it all before and so tends to cut your remarks. The danger here is that he hasnt heard what you want to say - and never will with this attitude. There is another kind of non-listening style. Those who adopt this style have been described as stage hogs. A stage hog is not really having a conversation he is making a speech, and does not care what anyone else has to say. And then there is the selective listener. He responds only to the parts of our remarks that interests him, rejecting everything else; it may be money or a hobby of his. The insulated listener hears only what he wants to and ignores anything thats unpleasant. You remind him about a problem you share - an unfinished job, poor grades, or the like - and hell nod or answer you and then promptly forget what you have said. His opposite is the defensive listener, somebody who takes practically anything you say as a personal attack. E.g. the teenager who sees any questions his parents ask about his life as attempts to snoop and explodes. A touchy parent who vies any questioning by his children as a threat to his authority and parental wisdom. Another kind of poor listener is the ambusher. This person will listen carefully but only because he is collecting information that he will use to counterattack what the speaker says. Needless to say, using this kind of strategy and manipulation is a first - rate cause of defensiveness. The insensitive listener is the final example of someone who doesnt receive another persons messages clearly. As weve said before, people often dont express their thoughts and feelings openly but instead communicate them through subtle and unconscious choice of words and/or non-verbal clues. The insensitive listener isnt able to look beyond the words and behaviour to understand their hidden meanings. Instead, he takes a speakers remarks at face value. Listening for Understanding

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An important aspect of listening for understanding is the phrasing you use to paraphrase the message of the sender. The phrasing of the response may vary in the following ways: 1. Content: Content refers to the actual words used. Responses, which are essentially repetitions of the senders statements, do not communicate the receivers understanding to the sender. Just repeating a persons words gets in the way of communicating an understanding of the essential meaning of the statement. It is more effective if the receiver paraphrases the senders message in the receivers own words and expressions. 2. Depth: Depth refers to the degree that the receiver matches the depth of the senders message in his response. You should not respond seriously to a shallow statement. In general, responses which match the senders depth of feeling or which lead the sender on to a slightly greater depth of feeling are most effective. 3. Meaning: In the receivers efforts to paraphrase the senders statements he may find himself either adding meaning or omitting meaning. Some of the obvious ways in which a meaning can be added are: (I) Completing a sentence or thought for the sender. (II) Responding to ideas which the sender has used for illustrative purposes only, and (III) Interpreting the significance of a message. Perhaps the most obvious way in which a meaning can be omitted is responding only to the last thing the sender said. Empathetic Listening When another person is upset about a problem and you use facilitative listening skills avoiding the typical responses, these are the kinds of things that are apt to happen: 1. You give the sender a chance to ventilate, to express himself, to get his feelings off his chest. Feelings are transitory and he may be feeling better soon. 2. You can communicate a non-judgmental acceptance to the sender. 3. You let the sender know that you are interested in him as a person. 4. Through paraphrasing and active listening you let the sender know that you not only have listened, but that you have understood what he has said. 5. Paraphrasing and active listening provides you with a check on the accuracy of your understanding. 6. As you hear new information about the sender, you will gain a deeper understanding of him.
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7. The sender is encouraged to be aware of and accept his own feelings. 8. The sender is free to move from the superficial symptomatic problem to the deeper, more basic problem. 9. The sender frequently shifts his focus from criticism of other people and other situations to how he is able to change himself to improve his own situation. The sender frequently gains insights - new ways of seeing things, new attitudes, new understandings about himself. 10. The sender has an opportunity to define his own problem and to choose his own solution. The responsibility is kept with him and yet you remain involved as a helping person. 11. The sender is encouraged towards being his own problem solver, being less dependent on other people for solutions, being more self-responsible, more self-directing - the master of his own destiny. 12. The relationship between you and the sender is promoted which is more open and trusting. Listening to Help There is another way in which listening, can improve ones relationships. Strange as it may sound, often one can help other people solve their own problems by simply learning to listen - actively and with concern, without judging, analysing, questioning or supporting. What is required is empathetic listening more than sympathetic listening. Active listening tells the speaker that you are interested in understanding what he has to say, that you care about him. And amazingly enough, simply feeding back a persons ideas often helps him sort out and solve the problems for himself. Blocks to Listening The following blocks make people defensive, argumentative and not listen. 1. Ordering, directing, commanding 2. Warning, threatening, e.g. once more and Ill knock your head off 3. Preaching, moralizing, e.g. When will you learn to respect others property. 4. Advising e.g. why dont you try to be more careful. 5. Judging, criticizing, blaming e.g. you should have behaved better. 6. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming e.g. you clumsy idiot. 7. Interpreting, psychoanalyzing e.g. how come you are accident prone. Barriers To Listening:

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In addition to having a purpose for listening, you must be aware that there are numerous barriers that interfere with our ability to listen effectively. Here are some of these barriers: 1. Lack of rapport between speaker and audience. Often a lack of mutual respect or a failure to establish common ground between speaker and audience can cripple effective communication. There may also be variations in social status, prestige, interests, purposes and experiences which may come between speaker and listener. 2. Another barrier, is inadequate physical conditions. These external stimuli may exist in the form of extraneous noises, temperature changes, glaring of depressing colour schemes, the physical distance of the auidence from the speaker, or mechanical failure of the audiovisual equipment which the speaker plans to utilise. 3. Inappropriate language is often a barrier in the speaker listener relationship. As we have already said, language must be adapted to the auidence. If it is not, the speaker may be wasting his breath. Vocabulary which the auidence does not understand, for example, can be a serious deterrent to listening. 4. A final barrier is the listeners lack of perspective. As a listener, you should not give undue attention to one part of the speech and thus fail to comprehend the whole-part relationship of the speakers ideas. You must concentrate on the speakers purpose and his major ideas which support that purpose if you are to interpret accurately. Management Communication Management Communication communication. is a pre-requisite for employee

Management or intra-management communication enables managers to arrive at sound decisions. Inadequate information delegated to them often affects the broad area of performance, because their span of supervision affects many people and activities. Moreover, management communication is needed for its own sake, rather than as a means of informing workers. Most companies use newsletters, bulletins, special booklets or management journals to keep managers informed of policies, services and production. Following are some of the ways that ensure effective management communication: Management must think clearly before communicating. It must give proper attention to the attitude of the receiving audience. The purpose of communication must be clear, i.e. what and how of the communication should be well structured. The timing and media of the communication along with the audience must be thoroughly known.
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To lend objectivity to the approach, it is always better to consult someone who knows about communication, before communicating. The language used, the tone of the voice, expression and emotion should receive proper attention (all of which affect the success of communication). Management should encourage comments, questions, should follow up and support feedback. Without this communication will go haywire. Communication should be based not only on present requirements but also on future needs. It should always be supported with appropriate action, for actions speak louder than words. Management should cultivate the habit of listening. If the communication process is to function effectively, reciprocal confidence and trust on part of the organisation members is absolutely essential. The management of today and tomorrow must be active communicators since all management actions - planning, leading, organizing and evaluating - must be communicated.

Listening to the Unsaid - Body Language

He that has eyes to see & ears to hear may Convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingers; Betrayal oozes out of him at every pore. Sigmund Freud All nonverbal behaviour, however small or transitory, is significant. The way we act tells people a lot about us. Our body language often reveals how we feel and may show uncertainty, or contradict what we say. A good example is the person who says. Im not angry, but the clenched teeth, rigid posture and grim expression reveal his feelings. Or what about the person who says, I really mean it, but refuses to look you in the eye? In cases like these, the body language contradicts the spoken words. Body language is described as the language we all speak but very few understand! Body language tells you more abut what people really mean, than all the words in any spoken language in the world. Nobody you talk to male or female, customer, colleague, family, friend child, sales person, politician can help speaking a non-verbal language with their bodies. At any given moment, your brain can assume a certain attitude and communicate this to various parts of your body, which promptly responds with specific actions or expressions, i.e. body language. Many of the gestures and signals sent out by the body are communicated to the surrounding world without us consciously realizing it. Thus, apart from what
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is said, meaning is also communicated by tone of voice, speed of speech, volume and intonation. Generally, its not what you say but the way you say it, creates more impact !. Non verbal communication means: Smiling, frowning, Laughing, crying, sighing, Standing close to the other, being stand offish The way you look : your hair, your clothing, your face, your body, Your handshake (sweaty palms), Your postures, gestures, mannerisms Your voice: Soft loud, fast slow, smooth jerky The environment you create: Your home, your room, your office, your desk, your kitchen, your car. It is one thing to be able to interpret other peoples body language but it is quite another to be able to master your own body language and realize its relevance to the message you are giving. If you want some cast iron examples of the importance of body language, consider actors, teachers, instructors, salesmen, (and some service givers with direct customer contact). The words they use are often the same (or almost), but whether, they are good or bad in the role, succeed or not, depends entirely on their mastery of body language and the degree to which their words and body language convey the same message. When you have learned to honestly speak body language you will have opened the door to a new world! You can ascertain if the people you are communicating with are lying, bored, impatient, sympathetic, and defensive, agree or disagree. You can decide whether they are open, nervous, calculating, suspicious, angry, worried, insecure etc. The importance of this to people in the service industry is obvious. Conscious and unconscious body language Examples of conscious body languages A raised, clenched fist-a threat. A raised hand or finger- indicating you would like to speak. A finger to the mouth- Sssh, the boss is angry. Pointing to the clock (or watch) Its time to stop. Cupping the hand behind the ear-Speak up please, I cant hear you. Examples of unconscious body language Dilation of the eye pupils when interest is aroused. Raised shoulders when tense. Touching the nose/mouth when uncertain. Tilting the heads to one side when interested.

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The dividing line between conscious and unconscious is not clear, e.g. a person could consciously tip his / her head to one side to show interest, (or willingness to flirt), but another person listening to an interesting lecture, unconsciously inclines the head. It is the unconscious body language that is the most interesting and significant, when interpreting other peoples moods, attitudes and intentions. How to read Body Language All of us communicate with one another nonverbally, as well as with words. Most of the time were not aware that were doing it. We gesture with eyebrows or a hand, meet someone elses eyes and look away, shift positions in a chair. These actions we assume are random and incidental. But researchers have discovered in recent years that there is a system to them almost as consistent and comprehensible as language. There are times when what a person says with his body gives the clue to what he is saying with his tongue. Thus, a man may successfully control his face, and appear calm, self-controlled unaware that signs of tension and anxiety are leaking out, that his feet are beating the floor constantly, restlessly, as if it had a life of its own. Rage is another emotion feet and legs may reveal. During arguments the feet tense up. Fear sometimes produces barely perceptible running motions a kind of perverse leg jiggle. The amount of space a man needs is also influenced by his personality introverts, for example, seem to need more elbowroom than extroverts. Situation and mood also affect distance. Communication between human beings would be just that, dull, if it were all done with words. But actually, words are often the smallest part of it. Non-Verbal Communication What is it? To study body language, it is important to know the non verbal communication of the person. The nonverbal language is said to be the language of sensitivity. It is the language of the content, a knowing smile, an exchanged glance that tells more much, much more than words can ever say. It is the frown that makes one feel guilty; the silent anger that emits a tenseness so real that it can almost be touched. It is that obscure, yet emphatic meaning behind the silence that thunders its message. The nonverbal is so complicated that it can convey an entire attitude, yet so simple that when a head nods or shakes, everyone understands. All human relationships involve meanings that are more than words, and the nonverbal exposes the truth in these relationships.

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Developing Effective Communication Skills 22

The eye has a unique sociological function. It promotes the union and interaction of individuals, which is a direct and pure reciprocity. We seek or avoid visual contact depending on whether or not we desire this union. Eye contact of extended duration can be used to indicate aggressiveness or create anxiety in others. Eye contact is decreased if dislike, competition with another, hurt feelings, or embarrassment occur. A gesture is any movement of the body or of part of the body, which is used to express or emphasize ideas in conjunction with verbal expression. They are sometimes accidental and sometimes deliberate, but are always an integral component of daily conversation. Most of our gestures are learned by imitation of others. Generally, we are not conscious of our mannerisms, mainly because they were learned out of awareness. The study of the use of gestures in communication is called Kinesics. Bodily characteristics that can communicate a wealth of information to us include peculiarities in gait and dress, the touch of handshake, particular mannerisms, glances and looks, skin condition and texture, the colour of eyes and lips, body built and even the most minute muscular twitching of the face, hands, eyes and ears. Gestures often convey a different / opposite message than the verbal message they accompany. They tend to reveal a persons real desires far more than his / her verbal expression does. Remember, however, that gestures and body movement vary markedly in meaning from one culture to another. Action Signals: Systematized actions may be substitutes for verbal symbols or auxiliary devices for speech. These are actions whose meaning has been established by prior verbal agreement, hence arent considered gestures in the truest sense of the word e.g. sign language of the deaf. Facial expressions: There are two distinctive aspects: The relative unmodifiable structure of the face size, shape, arrangement of eyes, nose, facial planes The pattern of facial expression relatively permanent / fleeting expressions e.g. persons with thin, compressed lips may be seen as tight lipped those with high foreheads more intelligent, and those with rough skin, heavy eyebrows, or disheveled hair, may be classified as unkind or hostile. Yet a person who exhibits a grumpy facial expression is not necessarily a grumpy person Posture: The posture we achieve as a child develops as adults and may change from youth to old age. Many factors such as occupation, body build, musculature development, health and psychological attitude about
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Developing Effective Communication Skills 23

self, influence our posture. We are inclined to value an erect posture, because it connotes self-respect, and indicative of youth. Body Appearance: The clothes we wear choice of style, colour, and cost reveal our personal characteristics and are associated with our personal worth and prestige. It conveys to a certain extent our identity, not only to ourselves, but others also. Closely related to our concern about clothing is the attention we give to the care of our body. Currently, our TV advertisers focus upon body cleanliness, body odour, clean white teeth, and hair colour as indicators for acceptance or rejection by friends, lovers, husbands, or wives. Most of the products are geared toward enhancing our appearance, which infer greater acceptability. All of these alternations in our body image may communicate ideas to others about our age, male or female identity, sense of correctness, social class, or economic status. Audition: The ear serves a double function in communication:Physiologically for the reception of sound, and psychologically for the perception of attitudes associated with words (Pitch high or low, Loudness Timbre quality of sound). Listening: The act of listening requires more than just the comprehension of sounds. It requires entering actively and imaginatively into the other persons situation and trying to understand their frame of reference. It requires discipline and concentration. Silence: The effective listener is one who USES silence with as much eagerness as s/he uses talk. Some variations of silent behaviour: Taciturn habitually uncommunicative Reserved habitual disposition to be withdrawn in speech and restrained in behaviour Reticent disinclination, sometimes temporary, as from embarrassment, express ones feelings or impart information Secretive suggests the furtive or evasive reticence of one who conceals things unnecessarily. Silence may be frightening and something to be avoided. It may also indicate wisdom and various other positive values. There are two maintain forms of interpersonal silence: Positive silence, characterized by psychic equilibrium and reciprocal identification between partners (lovers, intimate friends)

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Negative, Tense silence, characterized by acute psychic disequilibrium and non identification between partners (anger, hate, or fear) Touch: Touch includes the sensation we receive from the skin, membrane, and muscles, and may be described as the most personally experienced of all sensations. There are cultural differences in the use of touch both active touch (tactile scanning), and passive touch (being touched). The particular location of touch, its lightness / heaviness, indicates a quality of the message; hence the mind of the skin. e.g. a handshake variations of pressure, duration, awkwardness, or the seductive squeeze. Gustation: The sense of taste is closely allied with the sense of smell, so much so that without it we are unable to taste various foods. We frequently describe people with tasteful phrases e.g. Shes a honey. Dining or gustatory diplomacy also sends innumerable messages tastes for certain foods, social and economic status and cultural factors. Olfaction: The sense of smell along with vision and audition is also a distance receptor. Do we eliminate or enhance our body odours? Some olfactory phrases You stink, I smell a rat, dont be nosey.
Space: Proxemics describes the interrelated observation and theories of the space as a specialized territory. There are three main distances:

Intimate used for caring, wrestling, comforting, protecting (0 to 18 inches) Personal used by close friends and intimates (1.5 to 4 feet) Social used in business (4 to 12 feet)

How to interpret Body Language Body language is inevitably contextually bound i.e. the context helps to determine to a large extent the meaning of any non verbal behaviour. The context may be the verbal behaviour, the situation in which the behaviour takes place. When divorced from the context it is impossible to find out what any given bit of body language may mean. Of course, even if we know the context in detail we still might not be able to decipher the meaning of body language. When reading body language, you cannot just look at one detail and draw a lot of conclusions from it. E.g. a person had folded arms, it could mean that person is closed or unreceptive, or it could simply mean he / she is cold or resting. On the other hand, if someone is sitting with folded arms, crossed ankles, raised shoulders, lowered head, scowling face, drooping mouth,
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contracted eye pupils, and with eye brows drawn together, you can be fairly sure that he / she is rather displeased with you and / or the whole situation. In order to get a reasonably good picture of another persons thoughts and feelings from their body language, you should try to assess the body signals as a whole, and see them in the context of the existing situation. In order to be reasonably accurate, at least three signals should be pointing in the same direction. Checklist of Helpful Body Language Facial Expression: while smiling helps enormously to reinforce that what you say is meant constructively, you should always be genuine do not smile if you are sad, angry or serious. Eyes and gaze: the ability to look someone directly in the face and maintain eye contact shows openness and sincerity, looking away will almost always undermine your message. Posture: Standing square on, facing the other person, with head held high is direct and open, turning away, slouching or an unbalanced stance show lack of interest or commitment. Hand and arm movements: avoid fiddling as this distracts attention from your message and from your sincerity, use hands to emphasize what you say in a helpful (but not an aggressive) way. Tone of voice: whispering, rushing or mumbling all suggest that you doubt what you are saying, speak up clearly and confidently in an even tone of voice. Own what you say: Owning what you say means making it clear that this is your own opinion, not someone elses and not what you think someone might like to hear.

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Giving and Receiving Feedback

Information is a one-way process. Communication is a two way process dependent on feedback. The interaction of two parties is required before there can be any communication. Only if there is communication can the parties grow in understanding of one another. Our present industrial environment is usually stressful and competitive. Every employees life is filled with various complexities, physical strains, worries about the future, questions about ethics, social responsibilities, anxiety associated with interpersonal relationships, difficulties connected with performance assessment, problems of modern life - style etc, due to which he feels frustrated and confused. In order to deal with these feelings and concerns, the team must adopt the technique of feedback. Giving Feedback is a technique for removing tensions and solving problems. Its basic task is to assist others to make changes in their work life or to accept or adjust to the change. It is a self-helping process in which a set of techniques, skills and attitudes is applied to help people draw on their own strengths and mobilize their own energies, to make changes and take effective actions. Giving Feedback is central to the management and development of the team members. All team leaders engage in some activity which could be termed as feedback as part of their normal working life. Feedback is a concentrated form of interpersonal communication. During this process the interchange of idea between the parties involved (team leader and member) is directed towards a problem or a need that requires in-depth attention. Here the primary focus, of course, would be on performance review and improvement. Giving and Receiving feedback may serve at least four basic functions: Corrective or remedial: It may identify conditions, attitudes, or behavior patterns that precipitate problems and give advanced set of actions that result in improved performance. Therapeutic: It may diagnose personal or organisational ills and prescribe and apply medicine to the wounds so that some form of normality is restored. Informational: May serve the purpose of conveying information and exchange ideas to prevail problems than diagnose those already in existence. Developmental: Help individuals to more fully utilise their capabilities and to more completely achieve their own potential and higher level of efficiency.
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Feedback, when given to an individual, helps him to determine his existing capabilities, to establish goals for future development, to determine if the goals he has in mind are realistically compatible with his existing abilities and his aptitude to develop, and to work out a plan of action through which realistic development can occur. The personal value of these advantages is obvious, but they may also be translated into organisational advantages. Appropriate feedback may reduce absenteeism, turnover, lack of cooperation patterns, and may otherwise result in improvement for the organisation. Giving Feedback is a creative management art. Every team leader who gives feedback plays a vital role in the members world. Inorder to be successful as a team leader he must adopt qualities that of a counsellor. These qualities would include: He perceives: - From an internal view rather than an external one - In terms of people rather than things. He see others as: - Able rather than unable - Dependable rather than undependable - Friendly rather than unfriendly - Worthy rather than unworthy He perceives themselves as: - Identifying with people rather than being apart from them - Having enough rather than wanting - Self-revealing rather than self-concealing Counsellors, perceive their goals to be: - Freeing rather than controlling - Unselfish rather than self-serving - Concerned with larger rather than smaller meanings. Principles of Feedback The principles on which the process of feedback is based are: It involves a face - to - face relationship between two persons and is not just an experience of the person who is undergoing it. The relationship as well as the techniques used makes the difference in the team members thinking and behaviour. Feedback concerns itself with the attitudes as well as action.
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It is emotional rather than purely intellectual attitude. Information and intellectual understanding have their place in the feedback process but the emotional feelings are most important. Feedback is more than advice-giving. It involves something more than the solution to an immediate problem. Its function is to produce changes in the individual that will enable him to make wise future decisions as well as resolve his immediate problems. Thus, the values accrued from feedback are: It helps individual with problems. It conserves human talent and prevents emotional break-downs. It achieves high-level productivity, and personal adjustment skills. It provides knowledge of needs, and goals to the individual to plan for opportunities facing him.

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Conclusion
Of all business words, communication must be one of those in most common use. This is hardly surprising since communication is crucial to all human life and endeavors. The need for communication with employees is constant and continuous. However, if management and employees can communicate effectively inevitably this will lead to more positive communication with and the transmission of clearer messages to the other, external, parties with whom all organisations should seek to communicate. In addition such a process will aid productivity. As management educator Peter Drucker said recently the solutions to organisational problems frequently lie not in the Executive Suite but in the collective intelligence of the workforce. How can we tap that collective intelligence unless we foster real dynamic, two-way communication? If managers wish to influence the performance of their companies the most important area they should emphasize is the management of people. Management cannot manage and more importantly and effectively, lead their employees unless they communicate actively with them. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said The art of being a great leader is to get people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it. If we seek to communicate we seek to lead - if we seek to lead we first need to learn how to communicate effectively.

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Developing Effective Communication Skills for Catholic Relief Services

26th August 2003

L. R. Associates Pvt. Ltd. Management Educators & Organisation Consultants

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People transform Organisations, We transform People.

Rough Data Listening Self-Assessment Instructions: Choose and tick any one response for each of the items below. Base your choice on what you usually do, not on what you think a person should do. 1. When you are going to lunch with a friend, you: Focus your attention on the menu and then on the service provided Ask about events in your friends life and pay attention to whats said Exchange summaries of what is happening to each to you while focusing attention on the meal 2. When someone talks nonstop, you: Ask questions at an appropriate time in an attempt to help the person focus on the issue Make an excuse to end the conversation Try to be patient and understand what you are being told 3. If a group member complains about a fellow employee who, you believe, is disrupting the group, you: Pay attention and withhold your opinionsShare your own experiences and feelings about that employee Acknowledge the group members feelings and ask the group member what options he or she has 4. If someone is critical of you, you:
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Try not to reach or get upset Automatically become curious and attempt to learn more Listen attentively and then back up you position 5. You are having a very busy day and someone tells you to change the way you are completing a task. You believe the person is wrong, so you: Thank her or him for the input and keep doing what you were doing Try to find out why she or he thinks you should change Acknowledge that the other may be right, tell her or him you are very busy, and agree to follow up later 6. When you are ready to respond to someone else, you: Sometimes will interrupt the person if you believe it is necessary Almost always speak before the other is completely finished talking Rarely offer your response until you believe the other has finished 7. After a big argument with someone you have to work with every day, you: Settle yourself and then try to understand the others point of view before stating your side again Just try to go forward and let bygones be bygones Continue to press you position 8. A colleague calls to tell you that he is upset about getting assigned to a new job. You decide to: Ask him if he can think of options to help him deal with the situation Assure him that he is good at what he does and that these things have a way of working out for the best Let him know you have heard how badly he feels 9. If a friend always complains about her problems but never asks about yours, you: Try to identify areas of common interest Remain understanding and attentive, even if it becomes tedious Support her complaints and mention you own complaints 10. The best way to remain calm in an argument is to: Continue to repeat your position in a firm but even manner Repeat what you believe is the other persons position Tell the other person that you are willing to discuss the matter again when you are both calmer

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Score each item of your Listening Self-Assessment 1. (a) 0 (b) 10 (C) 5 2. (a) 10 (b) 0 (C) 5 3. (a) 5 (b) 0 (C) 5 4. (a) 5 (b) 10 (C) 0 5. (a) 0 (b) 10 (C) 5 6. (a) 5 (b) 0 (C) 10 7. (a) 10 (b) 5 (C) 0 8. (a) 5 (b) 5 (C) 10 9. (a) 0 (b) 10 (C) 5 10 (a) 0 (b) 10 (C) 5 . Add up your total score 80.100 You are an active, excellent listener. You achieve a good balance between listening and asking questions, and you strive to understand others. 50-75 You are an adequate-to-good listener. You listen well, although you may sometimes react too quickly to others before they are finished speaking. 25.45 You have some listening skills but need to improve them. You may often become impatient when trying to listen to others, hoping they will finish talking so you can talk. 0.20 You listen to others very infrequently. You may prefer to do all of the talking and experience extreme frustration while waiting for others to make their point

How Well Do You Listen?

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HABIT

R 1

U 2

C 3

Y 4 Seldom Almos t Never

5 Almos t Alway s 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Usually

Occasion ally

Calling the subject uninteresting. Try to make the subject humorous and thus be attentive CriticisingCriticizing the Speakers delivery. Getting overstimulated. Listening only for facts. Trying to outline everything. Taking attention to the speaker. Creating or tolerating distractions. Avoiding difficult expository material. Letting personal prejudices interfere. Wasting the differential between thought speed and speech speed.

Score yourself as follows: For For For For For every every every every every almost always checked, give yourself a point score of : 2 usually checked, give yourself a point score of : 4 occasionally checked, give yourself a point score of : 6 seldom checked, give yourself a point score of -8 almost never checked, give yourself a point score of -10

Interpret your total score as follows: Total Below 70 Above 70 You definitely need training in listening. You listen well

Overcome Listening Barriers:

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The major concern is now directed to what we can do about our listening habits. Here are six hints which may help you to be a better listener in the future: 1. Have a definite purpose in listening. We have mentioned three primary reasons for listening: to gain information, to enjoy or appreciate and to make a critical judgement. You should know which of these three purposes fit the particular situation in which you are the listener and then listen with that specific purpose in mind. 2. Sincere interest in the ideas being communicated. Remember that knowledge creates interest. Try to find out something about how knowledge of the topic will make us more interested. 3. Give undivided attention to what is said. Both as a speaker, and a listener, you must remind yourself that the average listeners attention span is 5 10 seconds. This means that you must be an active listener and work at paying attention to the speaker. As a speaker, this short attention spans means that you must make your ideas purposeful and clear and use supporting devices that will keep the listeners with you. 4. Be emotionally stable. When listening, try to forget about worries, troubles, aggravations or emotional disturbances that are plaguing you. Brood about a operation, grade or about a padded auto repair bill another time, not while your job is to listen well. 5. Keep an open mind. One of the most important prerequisites for effective listening is a good attitude. Be willing to listen to the other fellow and to his views. Dont be negative, dont have a closed mind and dont tune out the speaker. Give him a chance to make his point. 6. Be able to analyse discourse into its basic elements. This aid to more effective listening implies that you should recognize the speakers purpose, his pattern of arranging his ideas, and his organization and support. It means, further, that you should recognize the kinds of arguments he is using and any ulterior purpose he may have. Finally, you should be able to recognize any visible and vocal cues which the speaker employs. Remember that the body of an informative speech usually takes a different approach in the informative speech is likely to be deductive. I other words the speaker begins each major point with a generalization and then follows with supporting material. In the persuasive speech, the approach tends to be inductive. In this instance the generalization of each major point is made after the supporting material has been presented. By using the inductive approach, the speaker has a better opportunity to lead the listener, often quite subtly, to the point or the position where the speaker wants him. Personal Effectiveness The most neglected art, courtesy and necessity today is that of LISTENING.
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Some considerations: 1. Hearing is not listening Hearing doesnt make communication; listening does. 2. Listening must take place at two levels : the levels of words and the level of feeling. We are constantly speaking the language of feelings but rarely listening at that level. If you dont understand how a person feels, you havent understood him. 3. You cant listen to another unless youre listening to yourself. If you cant hear your own feelings, you will never hear his. Without an awareness of your own feelings, youll be sending signals to him that you yourself dont perceive. You cannot communicate with another if your own communication system has broken down. 4. Exploration is one thing, argumentation is another. Argumentation is the end of listening. 5. The first duty of life is to listen. To listen is to understand. To understand is to listen. God has given us two ears and one mouth so that we may listen more and talk less Chinese proverb. Barriers To Efficient Communication : Closing Ones Mind: We all tend to suffer from the disease of allness We suffer from this disease when we do not realize that of any phenomenon person or a thing we select some details and omit other details and we tend to say what we have selected is all. One way to protect form ourselves from this disease is Remember the etc: That will keep us open-mind. Barriers To Efficient Communications Listening Only To Words: When we hear words from another, we tend to project our meaning into those words. In the process we ignore the message the other man had in his words. To mange these barriers we should know which is true and what is false. False 1. Words have meaning.
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True 1. People mean not words.

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1. Words like containers.

2. You are the container of meaning. 2. The speaker is using words 3. Words are just pointers used the same by individuals way I would if I were doing the talking. Barriers To Efficient Communication : Not Realising The Fall Off Phenomenon When information is passed along from one person to another there is a great fall off. There are losses, changes and distortions and the final message is far different from the original message. To prevent the loss of information here are 10 steps to consider: 1. Take notes 2. Give details in order. 3. Play back the information. 4. Ask questions. 5. Slow down. 6. Use sketches or visual aids. 7. Use emphasis or underlining. 8. Give a quick overview. 9. Reduce the number of levels. 10. Use two media whenever possible. Summary Now that you have worked through this programme about interpersonal communication, the simplest way to summarize what you have discovered is a diagram which illustrates the model of face-to-face communication that we have been exploring.

Analysis of Your Bad Listening Habits From a Speech by Dr. Ralph Nichols, University of Minnesota How often do you indulge in ten almost universal bad listening habits? Check yourself honestly on each one, tallying your score in accordance with the following point systems:
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