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I wanted to write this article about what it was like and still is like to live in fear after having

a stalker invade my life. When a person is stalked depending on how they react to it it leaves a very negative impact on their personal relationships with everyone around them and everyone they know and are close to. From what Ive read so far on this topic it turns out that 93% of victims that were also stalked also had a significant negative impact on their own personal relationships and that 63% of victims have conflict in their friendships or family relationships which is true. Once you have been the victim of a stalker it changes not only your personal life but your job, and schooling as well. I know because it affected me in both work and school. I started my Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice and had to drop out because I couldnt handle it and didnt trust the other students or teachers. I had to quit my new job after only working there for about a week and a half. During my experience I was diagnosed with Anhedonia, both Ideas and Delusions of Reference and PTSD among the severe amount of Depression, Anxiety, New Curvature in my Spine that is harmful and Stress I went through and still go through today which is 3 years after the fact. There is an always present terror that lingers deep inside of you once someone scares you to death and threatens to physically harm you and you dont know who it is. I was told my ankles would be broken and that My eyes were going to be put out on my knees. Yes I made a police report which by the way didnt make me feel any safer. I didnt know if I was going to be murdered, or sexually or physically assaulted. I was already Mentally and Emotionally assaulted. If youve been stalked and you are trying to figure out what type of stalker you have or had let me tell you they are not made of just one type of clothing. It kind of goes along with

the whole wolf in sheeps clothing type statement but it could be various other animals in sheeps clothing. Get the point? Some stalkers are known schizoids, psychopaths, paranoids, narcissists, or they have a mixture of mental health disorders and if you think for one second that you wont gain each and every one of these symptoms after being stalked then you are wrong. I was also diagnosed as being Schizophrenic, Paranoid, and Suicidal. I have more mental health disorders today than I used to all because I was harassed by someone who is either lonely or physically sick. People who do this are latent sadists, they cant help it, or they have a clinging codependent behavior among many other different reasons. I am a very kind hearted person and have a super loving heart so it confused me and hurt the core of my very being as to why anyone would want to harm me. It could very well be that my stalker hated me or had some deep pent up rage inside of them that they had to release, or the very fact that they could just hate me or Love me but the actions of what happened have nothing to do with Love.

Apparently someone out there thought I needed to be punished, educated, updated or just wanted to vent their hate on me. If you have a stalker the very best thing you can do to begin with is to avoid every type of contact with them possible which yes may very well inflame them or create a rage so bad that something bad ends up happening but you dont need to communicate with someone who wants to do you harm. I believe we all need to identify what type of stalker we are dealing with to get a better understanding of what has happened to us and research on this will help take your mind off of it. I was stalked in 2010 and its 2013 now and I can tell you its made an impact on my life for the worse. Maybe that will change someday but today isnt the day. I actually made up a quote because of this situation. My quote states Dont be surprised that because you forced me to dwell in the past, that I put you there And yes if and when I ever find out who did this to me they will be put there. There are many different types of stalkers, Ive listed some below so maybe this will help you determine what type of stalker you have and maybe somehow it will help you. The Erotomaniac: This type of stalker actually has a belief that they are in love with you as well as feeling as though you are in love with him/her. This type of stalker will actually interpret every single thing you do as well as the things you refrain from doing as if its some type of script or coded message that confesses some type of devotion that you have to him/her and your relationship. These type of stalkers are very lonely, and may possibly be someone you were once romantically involved with. They are socially inept people and may be anyone from a former boyfriend, former spouse, or a one night stand among others such as colleagues or co-workers. You must ignore the Erotomaniac and never communicate with them or even acknowledge their existence. These types of stalkers blow things out of proportion and suffer a great deal from ideas of reference and may also even go as far as to send you gifts that are unopened. If you were stalked by this type of stalker its possible you may have gained a diagnosis from a counselor, therapist, or psychologist

very similar to theirs but dont feel bad because you know where the diagnosis came from, and it isnt because you yourself are a stalker. Erotomaniac stalking can last for years. The Narcissist: This type of stalker will always feel entitled to the same resources you have, they will feel entitled to your time and attention as well as have a high admiration for you. These types of stalkers Interpret every single rejection you give them as a form of aggression which often leads to narcissistic injury that can cause them to react with vindictiveness and rage. This can also lead to a violent situation due to the stalker feeling immune or omnipotent due to the consequences of their actions. Now dont go thinking you are a stalker of any sort if you have a high admiration for someone such as a family member or a close friend because it is not even close to being the same. What you have to do with this type of stalker is make it very clear to them that you want no further contact with them and make sure you let them know its not personal and be sure to be firm in your statement to your stalker. You must let him know that you are holding them responsible for stalking you and for the harassment they have inflicted upon you and that you will not hesitate to take necessary steps in order to protect yourself. Keep in mind that Narcissist Stalkers are very easily intimidated and are cowards. Theres good news for you though, these types of stalkers can move on with ease and rarely ever get emotionally attached to their prey. The Paranoid: The paranoid stalker is the most dangerous. They often live in an inaccessible world and will refuse to be reasoned with. Normally these types of stalkers thrive on threats, fear, and anxiety as well as often distorting every type of communication to feed their persecutory delusions. Now theres no typical scenario I can give to you about this type of stalker but I can say that you are lucky enough that there is a possibility to minimise the danger to yourself and anyone else who happens to live with you by putting some physical distance between you and your stalker (providing you know who they are) and be sure to move and change your number and email accounts, and enroll your children in new schools, get new credit cards, and change jobs. You never want to inform your stalker with information on your whereabouts. Sometimes there are situations where you may end up having to minimize your contact with friends, and family which is a painful thing to do. Keep in mind that in this type of situation that Violence is very likely to take place because of the rage and resentment your stalker may now have because of your actions. If it happens to be a paranoid ex boyfriend or spouse it can become harmful, and lethal very quickly. You must make a police report before this happens and make sure you know where your local domestic violence shelter is, or you could just go out and buy yourself a brand new gun to use for self defence. There is also reference on the internet to different worded stalkers such as the ones I am going to present to you below and they may very well fit into any of the categories above because they are not named the same or they may have some similar traits so pay attention.

Rejected Stalker:

What motivates a rejected stalker is normally when a relationship or friendship has basically ended but they want to continue the relationship with the victim even if its by revenge. A stalkers goals will vary due to the response the victim gives. Normally these types of stalkers are very jealous, or they may have grown to be dependent on you, they may feel humiliation or even may be a narcissist. Normally this type of stalker has very poor social skills and poor social networking as well. They are often most resistant to whatever efforts you put forth to end their stalking behavior and are very persistent and intrusive. They often try to intimidate their victim or assault them which is not uncommon. With this type of stalker you must not let your guard down, even if you havent heard from them because they always leave traces. They may sit outside of your house or workplace and study your routine before they make a move and invade your privacy for quite a while before making an injurious encounter with their victim. Be sure to check (if possible) whether or not your computer has or is being tampered with, whether your email is being downloaded, and be watchful of people coming to your home, even and maybe especially while you are away. You must watch for breaking and entering, whether or not your mail is being delivered erratically, watch for signs of breaking and entering or missing things, envelopes that look like theyve been opened and then resealed. You may even experience phone calls during at any time of the day where the call is abruptly disconnected as soon as you pick up. Normally this type of stalker knows where you live and is more than likely monitoring you. You must pay close attention to people you have hired such as gardeners, maintenance men and even suspicious vehicles that continually drive by your house day or night. It may be any unusual pattern or strange event that takes place so be watchful.

Resentful Stalker: The motivation for a resentful stalker is to get revenge against the victim who has upset them. This type of stalker wants to upset, distress, and frighten their victim. It may even be as simple as the stalker viewing you as someone similar that they had in their past that humiliated or oppressed them, and may even view him or herself as the victim rather than you that has a need to strike back against an oppressor. This type of stalker is irrationally paranoid. At the same time this type of stalker may be stalking you and you are unaware of who this stalker is so yes you can be a total and complete stranger to your stalker. This type of stalker is often the most obsessed and enduring type of stalker who will verbally threaten their victims but is the least likely to actually perform a physical assault on their victim. If you confront this type of stalker with legal action they are likely to stop stalking you if confronted with legal sanctions early on. However, the longer the stalking continues, the less effective the victims legal sanctions will be so its best to handle this situation early on. Predatory Stalker: Normally these types of stalkers have a plan in motion to attack their victims sexually and are motivated by any promises you may have made to them about sexual gratification. This gives them power over their victim and that motivates them as well. These type of stalkers have very low self esteem, poor social skills, romantic relationships, and are often sexually deviant. Your stalker may even be a complete stranger and have lower than normal intelligence. This type of stalker will often not try to contact their victims and will not provide their victims with any information about their plans of attack. They may use surveillance on their victims, exhibitionism, fetishism, obscene phone calls, voyeurism, paedophilia/hebephilia, sexual masochism or sadism, or paraphilic asphyxia. This type of stalker normally has previous criminal convictions, are often more sexual than any other types of stalkers, and have a high potential to

commit a sexual assault on their victims and will stalk their victims for a shorter period of time before they take action than other types of stalkers. Intimacy Seeker: What motivates these types of stalkers are the belief that their victim is in love with them which is a delusion. This type of stalker will seek an intimate and loving relationship with his/her victim and believes that the victim is the only one who can satisfy their desires. This type of stalker is not a would be lover, he/she is already in love with the victim and believes the victim is an ideal partner. They will also look for any type of response from their victims even if they are negative ones because they view it as an encouragement. This type of stalker might believe that their victim owes them love due to the investment they have taken to stalk you and is very resistant to ever change their belief about their victims love for them. This type of stalker is shy and very isolated so often lives alone. This type of stalker will lack in having any sort of intimate relationship in their life or its possible that this type of stalker may have never had an intimate relationship before. Some of the disorders these types of stalkers are likely to have are erotomania (which is an excessive sexual desire or a belief that their victim is in love with them), schizophrenia, narcissistic personality disorder and may even go as far as to stalk their victims acquaintances or even complete strangers. If the stalker recognizes the rejection you may give to them then the situation could possibly become violent or threatening. Some of the behaviors they may have as a result of this are writing letters, calling the victim, sending the victim gifts or even become very jealous if their victim has a romantic relationship with another person. The stalker is normally unresponsive to legal sanctions but instead views them as challenges. This is the most persistent type of stalker that must demonstrate his/her love for the victim. Incompetent Suitor: This type of stalkers motivations are to begin a romantic or even an intimate relationship with their victim and is more than likely impaired when it comes to social and courting skills. This type of stalker is normally the type who is cut off from the victims feelings (lack of empathy) in other words and often believe that all women should be attracted to them. This type of stalker has lower than normal intelligence and will often stalk acquaintances as well as complete strangers. Often they repeatedly ask for dates from their victims (even after being rejected) and repeatedly call their victims on the telephone as well as trying to hold their victims hand or kiss them. This is often someone you know. The good news is this type of stalker only stalks for a short amount of time than any other type of stalker. They are highly likely to have stalked numerous others in the past and will continue to stalk numerous others in the future. This type of stalker doesnt want any legal sanctions so they will quickly stop stalking their victims i f presented or confronted with legal action but normally end up having to have counseling over it. Morbidly Infatuated: This type of stalker is also known as the Erotomaniac Stalker who believes his victim is in love with him/her. Even if the victim has done nothing to suggest it even if she or he has made statements to the stalker that she or he does and will not ever love them. The stalker of this type will often reinterpret whatever the victim says and does in order to support his or her belief that they are in love with them. This type of stalker will make his imagined romance with the victim the very most important part of their life and that it will eventually become a permanent union. This type of stalker suffers from any psychological problems such as paranoia, delusions, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and

borderline personality disorder. This type of stalker will choose a victim of higher social status in most cases but not all. This type of stalker also tries to approach and communicate with their supposed lover and would actually respond well to psychological treatment with either drugs or talk therapy. This type of stalker is unresponsive to any form of legal action and will (even if they do jail time) continue to stalk the same victim once they are released.

Effects of Stalking on its Victims


Victims who are in romantic relationships have indicated that being stalked ended up creating conflict in their relationship which caused their romantic partner to either become jealous or intimidated by the victims stalker. Friendships can also be affected by having a stalker because once a victim has a stalker they want to stop attending all social events as a result out of fear that their stalker might be present which causes friends to become frustrated with the situation. If anyone has been stalked out there (like I was) then you know how much of a loss it is when you cant end the victimization because you have no closure to it and most of the things victims do try to do actually make matters worse than they were already. Living in fear that you are being monitored or watched or harassed which can possibly lead to physical or sexual assault and even murder is not something anyone should have to go through. If you are being stalked be honest with your stalker and tell them how uncomfortable it is to you and if they persist afterwards then advise them if they dont stop you will take legal action. A person should never make jokes about stalking because you never know if your stalker is standing there laughing and joking about it with you. I ended up having to go to the Crisis Center here where I live, and was waiting for a Room to be admitted into but ended up freaking out over all of the people that were there because I was so scared I was not even sure that my stalker was there or not. My blood pressure went up over 200 which caused the staff to take me to the hospital where they kept me long enough to give me some stupid white small tiny pill (I don't even know what it was) and then ended up making me leave because they didnt have any beds? That was most certainly a WTF moment for me and I felt at that point that nobody cared what I was going through. It was one of the most horrible things Ive ever gone through and I will not ever forget it. I also went to four therapists and was diagnosed by all of them including another one who evaluated me with testing for about 5 hours. I ended up being put on Xanax, Cymbalta, Effexor, Vistaril and some other one for High Blood Pressure and that doesnt include the Inhaler for my COPD and Hydroxyzine for my skin breaking out in a rash due to chemicals that are released into my body due to stress. I believe its called Papular Dermatitis. There are devastating effects of stalking victimisation aside from having to take legal prerequisite out of fear. Victims suffer psychological, occupational, social, physical, and general lifestyle effects as a consequence of being stalked. Experiences may vary and impacts may vary greatly between victims because one victim may merely be annoyed where another victim may have experienced a shattering effect. Female victims will generally experience greater levels of fear. I wanted to show the effects of various things for a Victim that they experience after having a stalker or during. Ive listed them below.

Effects on Mental Health: Panic Attacks, guilt, embarrassment, denial, confusion, difficulty concentrating, self-doubt, questioning if what has or is happening is unreasonable, constantly wondering if they are over reacting, self-blame, frustration, guilt, apprehension, terror of being alone or that they or family, friends, or pets will be harmed, fear, helpless, depression, panic attacks, agoraphobia (frightened to leave the house, and never feeling safe), difficulty remembering or attending things, inability to sleep, nightmares, ruminating, anger, emotional numbing, irritability, homicidal thoughts, PTSD, hypervigilance (always being on the lookout), flashbacks of frightening incidents, easily being startled, insecurity and inability to trust others, problems with intimacy, self medication, personality changes due to becoming more suspicious, becoming introverted or more introverted than you were prior to the stalking experience, aggressiveness, alcohol, and or drugs and of course suicidal attempts. Effects on Physical Health: Fatigue from difficulty sleeping, symptoms of depression, being constantly on guard, chronic stress that may include headaches, hypertension, fluctuations in weight whether it be due to not eating or comfort eating, gastrointestinal problems, Development or exacerbation of pre-existing conditions such as gastric ulcers, psoriasis and asthma. Dizziness, shortness of breath, sexual dysfunction, impact on health of increased alcohol, cigarettes, and or drugs, physical injury, heart palpitations and sweating.

Effects on Work and School: Quitting your job, changing your career, increased sick leave, deteriorating school or work performance, dropping out of school, and having poorer career opportunities and poorer education. Effects on Social Life: Problems with physical and emotional intimacy, insecurity and inability to trust others impacting on current and future relationships and friendships, avoidance of usual activities such as going out or going to the gym, Isolation through trying to protect others or yourself, feeling misunderstood or psychological symptoms, experiencing others withdrawing from you because they dont believe you or are unable to cope with your mental state or direct consequence of third party victimisation, the victim may move to a new area, changing their phone number, name and even their appearance. Effects on Finances: Expense of increasing home and personal security, loss of wages due to sick leave, quitting your job or changing careers, cost incurred though legal fees, cost involved in repairing property damage, cost involved in breaking leases on rented properties, and seeking psychological counseling and medical treatment.

What will prevent a victim from seeking help?


When they try to pretend that nothing has happened or that it is not happening, When they are believing that they should be able to deal with the situation or thinking that the stalker will see reason and even not wanting to get the stalker in trouble out of fear. When they dont understand that what is happening to them is stalking and/or illegal or when they have a fear that others will think they are over-reacting or that they will be blamed for somehow having encouraged the stalker in the first place which is especially true when youve had a previous intimate relationship with the stalker; even if it was just a flirtation or something brief. They will have fears about how the stalker will respond to those that they love and care about or to them. They will fear direct threats, or experience feeling isolated in their plight, believing that there is nothing that can be done to help them, leaving them feeling as though there is nowhere to go. They may remember previous requests where they asked for help and it was ignored and may feel there is nothing left for them to do. They may have a fear of losing their job or fearing the situation becoming more difficult when the stalking originates in the workplace. There may be financial limitations in regards to seeking legal advice or taking time off to seek help. There may be language barriers or limited options in respect to changing their situation such as relocation to safer housing. Once you have been stalked nothing is ever the same and in all cases a victims life is stolen. Sometimes a victims life is stolen by suicide, but thats just sometimes. Every Time through being psychologically kidnapped and imprisoned. There is a reason stalking is called psychological rape, there is a reason it is called psychological terrorism. This is True... so if you wonder what I've experienced by being stalked, this is the best definition of it that I know. There is a reason stalking is called psychological rape, there is a reason it is called psychological terrorism. In all cases a victims life is stolen. Sometimes through suicide, every time through being psychologically kidnapped and imprisoned. Stalking is "Murder in slow motion" There are 3 major issues we all need to be aware of which is 1. domestic violence, 2. child abuse, and 3. stalking! What happens in these three cases is people will often dismiss cases like these or tend to not take these cases seriously. Now I read in an article today where police officers are telling women who have reported receiving unwanted gifts, and stalking that they should "be glad for the attention". Seriously??? Is that what they would say about Domestic Violence or Child abuse? Think about it. What if it happened to you or someone in your family? Would you dismiss it? Tell them to get over it? Just because nothing happens physically doesn't mean it's over and it doesn't mean there were no effects on the victim and if you think otherwise then you need to re-evaluate and research these things. If you think for one second that Stalking is to be taken lightly then think again. I was stalked and it wrecked my life, I will never be the same because of it nor will I ever forget. I will forgive in time but it will be a long time, and that is because it is my duty as Gods child to Forgive. I hope you havent been a victim of stalking but if you have there is help out there, so be sure you are heard! But please make sure you are being stalked because looking people up on the internet can also get misinterpreted as a form of stalking and by no means is that even close to being the same just because you want to know about someone you may be connected with or was. Background checks, offender searches

are all made available to all of us. Find out what you need or want to know and then let it go. Dont blame yourself. My stalker forced me to relive my past in a way that I had already dealt with and gotten through in life and to relive something you already forgave yourself for and that God already forgave you for is degrading and very harmful to a persons well being. I think everyone in my family has continually told me things such as You let your stalker ruin your life or Get over it, nothing happened in person Do you know how hurtful that is to hear from your own family:? I almost think they feel as if I deserved it, and maybe I did I dont know. Does anyone deserve that? If you think they do then maybe you think that Children deserve abuse, or that women who go through Domestic Violence deserve that? Maybe people who actually go as far as to commit suicide deserved that as well? I mean you cant eliminate one tragedy from another. Try having a family member laugh in your face when you are going through such a tragedy and see how good that feels! It doesnt feel good at all! If youve been stalked and you know your life will never be the same and that your life has changed for the worst, then I pray for you as I pray for myself. I know nothing in this life can make what I went through better. May God Bless You and bring you Peace..

- Carla McCoy