Conflict Style Assessment and Analysis Paper Eli Klein SOC 350 Conflict Resolution Siena Heights University

y April 26, 2013

INTRODUCTION Conflict is a part of everyday life; fortunately, we can do our part to make sure it does not control our lives. Learning conflict management skills may seem on the surface a futile task simply because learning these tools cannot make conflict disappear; however, it can make us better able to deal with conflicts when they inevitably do appear. To illustrate, within these pages I will discern my own conflict assets and challenges, analyze why I possess these positive and negative traits, and finally form a definitive perspective about myself in relation to conflict. Upon finishing the Conflict Styles Assessment, I found that I scored most highly in compromise, collaboration, and accommodation, making these characteristics my primary styles. I scored lowered in avoidance and competition, which means both are considered my secondary styles. When I took the assessment myself, I believed that my behavior at home was the same as my behavior at work. Luckily, two individuals in my life alerted me to the fact that my personas at work and at home may in fact be a bit different. I was surprised to find that my professional face is one that may need tweaking in order to reflect a friendlier, more genuine me at work. BACKGROUND/RESEARCH I chose my mother and my half sister to take the Conflict Style assignment on my behalf. Choosing my mother and half sister was an optimal choice for me because I used to work with my mom and I have always had a semi-close relationship with my sister. I asked my mom to answer the questions in a way the pertained to me in a professional capacity, because I used to be her assistant vendor. On the other hand, my sister answered in a personal sense how I deal with conflicts with family or friends. The contrast in answers was helpful to me to see if I act or handle conflict differently depending on if I am at home or at work.

My scores on each of the five conflict styles were as follows for both my non-home and home environments: Avoidance: 12, Competition: 13, Compromise: 25, Accommodation: 19, and Collaboration: 25. My half siblings results were as follows: Avoidance: 13, Competition: 17, Compromise: 21, Accommodation: 19, and Collaboration: 23. My mothers results were: Avoidance: 16, Competition: 16, Compromise: 19, Accommodation: 18, and Collaboration: 21. While contrasting my results with my evaluators, I will also expound upon the meanings of each category of conflict style: Avoidance My avoidance was fairly low for myself and for my half sister. My mother ranked my avoidance slightly higher at work. Avoidance happens when we let denial, joking, and procrastination rule conflict (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p. 151). Competition Surprisingly for me, my half sibling ranked my competition highest in a personal setting. My own ranking of myself and my mothers ranking was lower. When conflicts are seen as fights to be won, and tempestuous selfish behavior is employed, it is a good bet that competition is at hand (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p. 157). Compromise According to my mother, my compromise is lowest at work. In the personal arena, both my sister and myself ranked me a few points higher. Both parties engaged in conflict that equally gain and lose for the greater good are engaging in compromise (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p. 163). Accommodation My accommodation score was the most consistent across the board, earning me a similar style during work and play. The key element for

accommodation is setting personal and individual needs aside for another, and putting more selfish desires on the backburner (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p. 165). Collaboration My collaboration score was similar from each evaluator, but slightly lower at work. Collaboration, although ideal, can be more challenging than the other conflict styles because it requires an intense and high consideration for individual needs and the needs of the other party to reach a solution that works for both (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p. 168). ANALYSIS The results of my conflict assessment style test were not completely surprising to me; moreover, I knew I would score high in accommodation, collaboration, and compromise in my evaluators scores. Although my avoidance and competition scores were relatively low, it was a revelation for me that my avoidance was higher at work in the eyes of a former colleague. During my analysis, I would like to cover a few conflict styles to see if my knowledge and experience truly match up with my final tally. Avoidance In my day to day life, avoidance crops up when I decide that instead of dealing with a conflict with my romantic partner or friends, I will try to divert their attention to something else. These diversions can be as simple as changing topics to a subject I know they are interested in, or be as complex as planning a day of fun to avoid an issue we are having at the time. My practices in avoidance are negative because conflict engagement versus conflict avoidance is essential to resolving differences and increasing relationship satisfaction (Arricale & Pistole, 2003, par. 7). Therefore, to

receive an avoidance score even lower than my current one, I must work on confronting conflict. Competition Although my competition score was not immense, I was ranked highest in competition in a personal setting. I think this can be attributed to the fact that being essentially an only child for much of my upbringing makes me focus on my own ideas, values, and goals and view conflict as equal to competition (Tang & Wang, 2006, par. 8). When I was young, I was accustomed to getting my needs met because I had no other siblings to compete with. Now, I may view others as metaphorical siblings which I must compete with in order to get my own way. Compromise I actively attempt to compromise often in my life, but may have a hindrance when it comes to compromising at work. One reason I may not be most effective with this skill set while in a professional setting is due to not being close to all my co-workers. Not being able to view all members of my work place as a unit, or a we can get in the way of compromise due to lacking communication skills; "we"-users [during a conflict] may have a sense of shared interest that sparks compromises and other ideas (Aaronson, 2006, par. 1). OPINION As an individual, I believe my strong suits are collaboration, and compromise, but my weakness lie in excessive accommodation, and seeking out avoidance and competition. Although I did not score very high on either of the former conflict styles, I still employ them more than I should. My conflicts could be better resolved if I found a way to have more balance amongst my conflict styles, and also by simply being more genuinely myself. To illustrate, for each conflict style, I have found a way I can improve:

Avoidance Harkening all the way back to my mothers assessment that my avoidance was highest in the professional sphere, I want to improve by being more up front and honest at work. My avoidance is unhealthy at the office, and has continued simply because I do not want to ruffle any feathers. Oddly enough, my fear of making others uncomfortable if I abandon my avoidance may be unfounded. In fact, being more genuine and honest and approaching conflict instead of avoiding may make my colleagues more comfortable because it will give them permission to show candor as well.

Competition - I agree with my half sister that my competitiveness is highest in a personal setting. In order to reduce my competitiveness, I must banish my me versus them mentality and starting viewing every conflict as a collaborative project. I have to recognize that my days as a coddled only child are over. The real world where selfish desires are not always met must be accepted, and the days of always winning what I want for myself are over.

Compromise Again, my conflict skills were found wanting within the walls of work. In other words, my mother ranked compromise lowest for me on the job. It is difficult for me to compromise with individuals I do not feel a kinship with, simply because it involves intense communication about what each party is willing to lose or wants to gain. A way to overcome this shortcoming of mine is to stop viewing compromise as so deeply personal and instead view it as an everyday skill which must be employed to function with others.

Accommodation My accommodation is high overall in each facet of my life, but I could stand to cut back on this conflict skill when I sacrifice excessive amounts for

the sake of pleasing another person. In order to do this, I have to recognize that overuse of accommodation does not solve my own issues within a conflict; it only labels my issues as unimportant and leaves them unresolved. Collaboration According to the assessment, both myself and the responders thought I was proficient when it came to collaboration. Although my skills in this aspect are not necessarily lacking, I can get even higher collaboration scores by simply realizing collaboration takes a great amount of work, instead of shying away from it when a lackadaisical mood hits during conflict. CONCLUSION Upon taking this assessment, I realized that although I have praised myself when it comes to handling conflict, I still have areas that I need to work on, like avoidance or excessive accommodation. The conflict assessment only solidified my opinion, as did my respondents scores. My mother and half siblings results were mostly expected, except for way in which I behave at work; my mother has alerted me with her findings that I may need to forge stronger relationships with my colleagues to succeed in future conflicts with them. With this in mind, I would be interested in studying workplace versus home conflict and how our personalities shift from one environment to another, inevitably affecting our conflict skills.

References Aaronson, L. (2006). We can work it out. Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://envoy.lcc.edu:2259/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA144403027&v=2.1&u=lom_lansingcc &it=r&p=AONE&sw=w Arricale, F. & Pistole, C. (2003). Understanding attachment: beliefs about conflict. Journal of Counseling and Development, 81.3. Retrieved from http://envoy.lcc.edu:2259/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA106027122&v=2.1&u=lom_lansingcc &it=r&p=AONE&sw=w Tang, S. & Wang, J. (2006). Interpersonal conflict handling styles: a survey of Chinese college students. Canadian Social Science, 2.3. Retrieved from http://envoy.lcc.edu:2259/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA208336798&v=2.1&u=lom_lansingcc &it=r&p=AONE&sw=w Wilmot, W., & Hocker, J. (2011). Interpersonal conflict (8th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw Hill.