Research Paper, April 2013

An Islamic Concept of

Dowry and Mahr

Shariat Forum
Edited by Qamar uz Zaman

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Dowry and Mahr are often misunderstood and misused concepts. Actually, there is no concept of dowry in Islam, as it is practiced in most Muslim societies. Nor is dowry the English translation of Mahr. Mahr is the bride gift. At the time of the marriage, the groom commits to hand over and actually hands over to the bride a sum of money called Mahr or Dower which is a token of his willing acceptance of the responsibility of bearing all necessary expenses of his wife. This is the original meaning of Mahr. However, in real life, Mahr has taken a back seat and in its place, the bride groom party exacts money, fat gifts, even property, from the bridal side as a condition for the formers willingness to enter into the marriage relationship. So, dowry stands Mahr on its head. The purpose of this article is to repeat the concepts of dowry and Mahr and advocate for social practice according to Islamic Shariah.

Mahr Is Essential For Nikah

According to the Islamic jurisprudence, a woman married to a Muslim man has a right to get a property or money which is called Mahr. Declaration or commitment of Mahr at the time of solemnizing the marriage or Nikah is advisable. But Mahr is so natural a right of woman over her husband that even if Mahr is not negotiated or declared at the time of Nikah, the woman has the right of having Mahr and the right is undeniable unless the bride pays all or a part of it after

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marriage. Male folks in todays Muslim societies are so preoccupied with dowry that this divine and obligatory aspect of Mahr is often forgotten. Islam strictly commands the groom to give a bridal gift or Mahr as a token of love and assurance to his would be wife at the time of marriage. In fact, without payment of this sum, the marriage cannot get solemnized and completed. According to a narration in Bukhari, the Mahr is an essential condition for the legality of the marriage: 'Every marriage without Mahr is null and invalid'. The Holy Quran instructs the believers in [Al-Nisa 4: 4] "And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, give any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allah has made it lawful)." Some interpretations regard Mahr as wajib (obligatory) while others regard it as Sunnah or desirable.

The Importance Of Mahr

Islam has legislated the giving of the Mahr by the husband to the wife in order to please the womans heart and to honour her. It is also meant to bring an end to what was done in the Days of Ignorance in which she was wronged, exploited, despised and robbed of her wealth. The Mahr is a right

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especially for the wife. It is her possession and none of her guardians or relatives may share any part of it. She has every right to use of it the way she would use, of course, in a permissible way. The Mahr was introduced because the goal of marriage has been establishing a long-term and stable relationship between husband and wife. Mahr strengthens the bond because it is an expression of commitment from the groom and the bride feels secured. Secondly, it acts as a prevention for divorce or break up of marriage because when the groom pronounces divorce, obligation befalls on him to pay out the unpaid amount of Mahr. Thirdly, in the undesirable event of divorce, Mahr acts as a safety net for the wife.

The Custom Of Dowry

Let us for a moment, turn to dowry. In many Muslim countries, the bridal side is required to give a dowry to the grooms. This is definitely turning the natural order of things upside down and goes against the nature of mankind. The understood assumption behind dowry is that the groom is superior in family status, social standing or qualifications and therefore, he deserves dowry. Or the groom is qualified and competent but needs financial support for future solvency of the would-be couple. But dowry payment involves compulsion on the part of the bridal side. The parents at times sell out property to meet dowry demand. Moreover, as the groom has a psychological nature that he deserves dowry and therefore, continues to demand additional dowry even

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when initial demand has been met. If the bridal side fails to meet this, harassment, abuse. Violence, even death follows. Dowry death is quite uncontrolled in Muslim countries like Bangladesh & Pakistan. Moreover, since dowry is not an earned income but simply transfer, the groom usually illspends the money, at times on immoral things, and the very purpose of solvency and good economic standing of the newly-wed couple is defeated.

Dowry, An Un-Islamic Practice

Dowry is a totally un-Islamic practice. In Islam, women are not 'owned' by their families and should not be traded with in this manner. It is an insulting practice. In the Jahiliyah society before Islam, this money was regarded as the property of the girl's guardian. The practice of dowry among ignorant Muslims is a result of the influence of the evil practices of the society they live in. Islam does not put any financial burden on the father of the girl. A Muslim father is told to get her daughter married away in a most simple Nikah ceremony solemnized by a Qazi/priest in a mosque, witnessed by his close relatives and friends. He is not even required to throw a lunch to the handful of invitees gathered for this occasion. In fact, it is desirable on the part of the groom that he offers a reception/Walima to his near and dear ones without forgetting the poor people of his society.

Demanding Money For Household Goods

One of the problems that may occur in the later years of marriage is to demand a large amount of money that will

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leave the male in a difficult situation when speaking about Mahr for the female. Or to demand high quality goods that will force the budget of the man or womans side when buying presents or household goods. Under these circumstances, both sides fulfill and supply what is wanted by forcing their potentiality and financial recourses and also if required by gaining a loan. In spite of the fact that the case has been solved and the demands have been fulfilled, there will remain a big difficulty and a heavy burden like a heritage either upon mother-father or upon the newly married couple. Sometimes paying this debt lasts for years. So, the first years of the young couple while it should have been good, it will have been with the difficulty of paying the installment of debt. Civil society groups including feminists in India raise protests in Bangladesh and India about gender violence and dowry deaths. Even social movements like wedding with only flowers and garlands are talked about and show cased. But there is no let up in gender violence centering on dowry. However, they are unable to make any dent on dowry taking because they are not informed with religious commands.

Making Nikah Easiest

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) shows the safest and the most reasonable way in this case in his narration which is The most advantageous nikah (marriage) is the one which is the easiest. (Abu Daud, Nikah) He advised a marriage that everyone can carry out and to spend a suitable amount of

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money. Islam teaches that the dowry should be reduced and Nikah should be made simple, and this is in the interests of both the husband and the wife. In the first era of Islam marriage was a simple affair, without showiness or ceremony. Any expenditure included in its performance was quite minimum, and not a burden on either family. Indeed, the Prophet (SAW) stated: 'the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.' (al-Haythami, Nikah) The example of such a simple marriage was set up by none other than the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) himself. He got his daughters married in the simplest possible manner. So he paved a way for people of all times to come to live a life without stress and strain relating to daughters marriages too! One bad aspect of dowry-giving in recent times is that it is becoming more and more a matter of showiness. Nothing could be more un-Islamic in motivation than this. Even the practice of performing a marriage quietly, without any display of wealth, but afterward giving a big dowry to enable the bride to set up her home is contrary to Islamic practice. It was certainly not the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). Fatimah (RA.) was his favorite daughter, but he neither gave her a dowry nor did he send things to her home after the wedding. As far as some household goods are concerned that were purchased at the time of her marriage, that were purchased by selling the coat of armour of Hazrat Ali (RA). When Fatima (RA) made a request to him for something of a material

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nature, he only gave her the benefit of his advice in line with taqwa and good amal. And also the amount of the Mahr which is a right of the woman and which is to be given by the man is available in the Sunnah. It can be seen clearly both in his personal practice and with the examples that he showed to his excellent Sahabas. The household goods of Fatimah (RA.) were composed of only a few goods that were needed to be in a house. Prophet (SAW) who wanted to prevent the young companions from going wrong (who did not have any money and economically very poor) by easing the act of Nikah and ordered them to have a family. Indeed, once he said to a companion, Even if you have an iron ring, give it to woman as a Mahr. When the companion said, Even I have no an iron ring, the Prophet (SAW) said to him: I have married you with her, as long as you teach her the chapters (surah) that you memorized from the holy Quran. (Muslim, Nikah) The saying of Hazrat Umar (RA) upon peoples asking for extreme amount Mahr is remarkable: O believers, do not go to extremes concerning with the case of increasing the amount of the Mahr given to the women. Because, if exceeding in this case were something to praise in this world life and a goodness before Allah, he would be Prophet (SAW) who has the most right and capacity for that. Whereas he did not pay above 12 ukiyya (500 dirham) to any of his wives as a Mahr and did not demand above 12 ukiyya for any of his daughters. (Ibn Maja, Nikah)

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Practice Of Mahr Muajjal

During the time of the Prophet (SAW) and his companions, Mahr Muajjal was the accepted practice and the amount fixed was generally quite minimum. The giving of Mahr by Ali (RA) to Fatimah (RA) who was the Prophets (SAW) daughter, is an example of how this custom was respected. After the marriage had been arranged, the Prophet (SAW) asked Ali (RA.) if he had anything he could give as Mahr in order to make Fatimah (RA) his lawfully wedded wife. Ali (RA) replied: "I swear by Allah that I have nothing, O Messenger of Allah. The Prophet (SAW) then asked: Where is the coat of armour I once gave you? Ali (RA) replied that it was still in his possession. The Prophet (SAW) then instructed him to send the coat of armour to Fatimah (RA) for making his union lawful. This was the sum total of Fatimahs (RA) Mahr.

Exaggeration Concerning The Mahr

Islamic scholars have spoken a great deal about this issue and explained the harm that results from exaggeration concerning the Mahr. For example, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibrahim issued a lengthy fatwa on this matter, in which he said: One of the things that people have gone too far in, until they reached the level of extravagance and excess, is the matter of exaggerating concerning the Mahr, and being extravagant in clothing, wedding feasts, and so on. The knowledgeable and wise people have started to complain about this because of the many evil results to which it leads,

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such as many women remaining unmarried, because many men cannot afford the expenses of getting married, which leads to many kinds of evil results. Research has been conducted in this matter from all angles and reached the following conclusions: Accepting a moderate Mahr and not demanding more of the husband than he can afford are commanded by Shariah, according to the agreement of the scholars of the earlier and later generations. This is the Sunnah that is proven from the Prophet Muhammad (SAW). If the husband takes on payment of a Mahr that he cannot afford and that is beyond his means, he deserves to be condemned for that, because he has done something Makruh, even if that Mahr is less than the Mahr given by the Prophet (SAW). Sahih Muslim narrates a Hadith quoting Abu Hurayrah (RA.): A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: "I have got married to a woman from among the Ansar." The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said to him: "Have you looked at her? Because there may be something in the eyes of the Ansar." He said: "(Yes) I have looked at her." He said: "For how much did you get married?" He said: For four uqiyahs." The Prophet (SAW) said: "For four uqiyahs! It is as if you are getting this silver by digging it up from the side of this mountain. We do not have anything to give you, but perhaps we will send you on a campaign from which you might get something." So he sent a campaign to Bani Abs, and he sent that man among them. Al-Nawawi said in his commentary on

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this hadith: what this means is that it is Makruh to make the Mahr too much in relation to the husbands situation. There can be no doubt that marriage is something that is prescribed and encouraged in Shariah, and in most cases it reaches the degree of being obligatory. Most people cannot manage to do this thing that is prescribed when there is exaggeration concerning the Mahr. It is well known that whatever is essential to doing something obligatory is also obligatory, from which we may understand that it is prescribed to make people aware of the seriousness of this matter and stop them from going to extremes in this matter which is preventing men from doing that which Allah Almighty has commanded them (i.e., getting married), especially since the command to reduce the Mahr will not lead to any evil results, rather it is wholly in the interests of both the husband and the wife, and is in fact something that is liked and encouraged in Islam, as stated above.

Accepting The Proposal Of Compatible Man

There is no Shariah justification for the womans guardian to refuse to marry her to a compatible man if he proposes marriage to her and she is pleased with him, because he cannot pay the large Mahr that the guardian demands because of his personal greed or for the purpose of extravagance and showing off. Rather this comes under the heading of preventing marriage for which the one who does it is regarded as a fasiq (evildoer) if he does it repeatedly. Shaykh Ibn Uthaymin said: "The scholars found a way around

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this obstacle when they said that if a guardian refuses to marry his female relative under his care to a compatible man with whom she is pleased, then that guardianship passes to another. For example, if a womans father refuses to marry her to a man whose religious commitment and character are suitable and with whom she is pleased and whom she wants to marry, then the closest of people to her after him, among her brothers, paternal uncles or cousins, should marry her to him."

Evil Results Of Exaggeration In Mahr

Increasing the Mahr and all excesses around it form a strong obstacle to marriage, and many evil results follow from this. Islam came to achieve and complete peoples best interests, and to reduce evils. Even if reducing Mahrs were to do no more than block the ways that lead to haram things, that would be sufficient. The evil results of exaggerating concerning Mahr are well known. How many free, faithful women have been prevented from marrying by their guardians, who have wronged them and left them without husbands and children. How many women has that led to respond to the calls of their own desire and the Shaytan, so they have committed evil actions and brought shame upon themselves and their families and tribes, because they have committed sins that anger the Most Merciful?

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How many young men have been unable to meet these demands for which no authority was sent down by Almighty Allah, so the devils and evil companions took control of them, until they led them astray and caused them to lose out, so they lost their families and lost their way, and they became lost to their Ummah and homeland, and they lost out in this world and in the Hereafter. Another harmful effect of exaggeration concerning Mahr is the appearance of mental illness among young people of both sexes, because of the frustration they encounter when they try to get married. Making demands of the husband that he cannot meet may causes enmity in his heart against his wife, due to the financial difficulties that he suffers because of her. But the aim of marriage is happiness, not hardship. Even if there is any benefit in a large Mahr for the women or her guardians, the evil results compensate any such benefits. The basic principle in Shariah is that warding off evil take preference over achieving benefits. We may also mention a case narrated from Umar (RA). When he forbade increasing the Mahr to more than four hundred dirhams, a woman from among Quraysh objected to that and said: "O Amir al-Muminin, you have forbidden increasing the Mahr of women to more than four hundred dirhams, have you not heard the words of Allah (interpretation of the

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meaning): and you have given one of them a Qintar (of gold, i.e. a great amount as Mahr) [Al-Nisa 4: 20]?" He said: "O Allah, forgive me. All the people have more understanding of religion than Umar." Then he went back and ascended the minbar, and said: "O people, I forbade you to increase womens Mahr to more than four hundred. But whoever wants to give as much as he wants of his wealth let him do so." But this story may be understood in different ways, and cannot be used as evidence or to oppose the proven texts referred to above, especially when there is no report of any objection to Umar (RA) or condemnation of him on the part of any of the Sahabah apart from this woman.

Evil Practices; Dowry & Bonnet Money

Dowry to the man is not an Islamic practice and something which goes against what a man should do in a marriage according to the Sunnah. It is not Islamically proper to ask for dowry or give them. If a whole group of Muslims do it generations after generations, it automatically becomes an Islamic practice from just merely a cultural practice. When people practice something un-Islamic for generations the origin of their knowledge is lost and hence been looked as an Islamic practice. There are many in todays time who says dowry (given to the man) is actually Islamic. Any new way of worship other than what the holy Quran and Sunnah says is a bidah (innovation) and any implementation of cultural

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practices in Islam calling it Islamic is obviously also an Innovation to the religion of Islam. There is another concept, which is also social and cultural in origin, which is bonnet money. Some mixes the Mahr with bonnet money. While Mahr is given directly to the girl as a present from the man; in the bonnet money, the father of the girl asks for money in return for his daughter to his account. This money that is demanded from the groom candidate makes the marriage a material deal.

Conclusion
To conclude, Mahr is Islamic but here great care is to be exercised to take into consideration the capacity of the groom. Secondly, dowry given from the bride to the groom is un-Islamic. It is just one of many misconceptions in the Deen of Islam. Many of us know that dowry is un-Islamic, but we do not seem to be able to resist social and cultural pressure to stop it. We the young adults have to take this seriously and do some serious Dawah to our parents about whats Islamic and whats merely a cultural practice.

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