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No matter
how hard the past,
you can always begin
again. – Buddha
Kumarmahi
Content
1. Thinking, feeling and action
2. Three step coping process
3. Top three coping method
4. Attitude and stress
5. Stress coping skills training - An overview
6. Mind set for coping with stress
7. Relaxation and stress
8. Assessing stress -checklist for you
9. Problem solving and stress
10. Strategies to improve your learning and performance
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“People are not disturbed by things but by the views which they take of them” (Epictetus).
If you change your purpose, meaning or perspective, your thinking, feeling and action
will change. You will get different outcome.
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You can
can get what you want by change your perspective, purpose or meaning of the
stressful situation.
You need little training and discipline. But you can do it!
“You can not always control circumstances. But you can control your
thoughts”.- Charles Poplestone
thoughts”.-
Thinking, feeling and acting are reciprocal in nature. Each one influences and
influenced by other two.
Negative in nature
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What we are doing with our life situation. Where you are now and where you want to
go. Either you are using or loosing our life energy. You can check it now. See the four
squares yellow, green, red, and blue.
The colour yellow, green, and red represent the traffic signal
You can go if you are in green because you have learn to use your stress
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If you are in blue you may need assistance, help, advice from others
" half of the problems in life are because, we act without thinking and the
rest half is because we keep thinking without acting"
Ask 4 questions
1. When?
• Unwanted
• Undesirable
• Unacceptable
• Unpredictable
• Uncontrollable
• Unexpected
• Uncertain
2. How?
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Primary emotions
• Anger
• Fear
• Worry
Secondary emotions
• Guilt
• Shame
• Envy etc..
3. Why?
Our personal resources is very important to handle our thinking and feelings
1. Knowledge
2. Skills
3. Objectives- purpose, meaning
4. Practice
5. Social support
4. What?
Effects: what happen to you if you do not handle properly of your life events?
Personal – how you feel about yourself in other words how you relate with yourself,
your confidence, motivation, self esteem etc..
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Inter personal – how you relate with others, withdraw, aggressive, abusive etc..
"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow
where your thoughts take you." - James Allen
To become
become a survival of the fittest, we need to develop the following five skills. Lack of
these skills may create stress.
Most of our day to day thinking is far from logical; we quite often jump to conclusions
based on irrational ide
ideas.
as. Believes and attitudes shapes our perception, which will
affect how we approach and cope with our life events. Critical thinking skills help us
to reduce the errors in our thinking.
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3. Communication skill
4. Interpersonal skill
Family and friends are important in helping us to cope with stress. Developing and
maintaining satisfying relationship may be necessary during a period of stressful life
situation.
5. Self-regulation
We need to regulate our thinking, feeling and acting so that they are most
appropriate to the situation which prevent from stress.
These five skills are complementary to each other and are essential for us to become
preventive and proactive to our stressful life events.
I. Life is suffering
II. Suffering has a cause, the cause can be known
III. Suffering can be brought to an end
IV. The path to end suffering has eight parts
1. right understanding
2. right mindfulness which together are wisdom
3. right speech
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4. right action
5. right living which together are morality
6. right effort
7. right attentiveness
8. right concentration which together are concentration
Stress coping - modern perspective
I. Stress is inevitable
II. Stress has a cause, the cause can be known
III. We can prevent, control and cope up with stress
IV. The way to cope up with stress
1. knowledge –Wisdom, Self – awareness- know about one’s strength and weakness,
Knowledge about one’s own stress and coping
2. skills
4. practice – right living, practicing meditation, relaxation, exercise and diet etc
we are going to learn these five areas one by one in the following posts.
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Optimum Goal
Challenge
arousal mastery
Event Person’s
appraisal
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fig 2. The link between thinking, feeling, action and its outcome
When a stress event occurs, first we have aware of our thoughts, feeling and
actions. Next check it is it helpful to deal with the situatio
situation,
n, and then we make a
change if necessary. We are all differing in how we perceive, express and manage
emotions. We need to understand and regulate our emotions so that they are most
appropriate to the task or situation at hand. Different emotions create ddifferent
ifferent
information processing vice versa. Coping with our own thoughts and emotions help us
to cope better.
Flexible or Rigid
Realistic or Unrealistic
Helpful or Unhelpful
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change; courage to
the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”
difference.”- Serenity prayer
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Understanding our own stress is very difficult but it is also very important. To know
more about what is controllable and what is uncontrollable see the following table,
We have mild, moderate and major stressors in our life. some can be changeable some
can not change. Identify what is changeable and do it what is appropriate and
necessary. identify what is unchangeable and learn to accept it. we can change our
attitude and response to the event but we can not change our gender, parents etc..
what is changeable?
what you are going to do
what is unchangeable?
learn to accept it
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2. Three
Three step coping process
"Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal
rule" -Buddha
Buddha
3 'A'-Aware,
'A' Aware, Assume responsibility, Act
1. Knowledge
Knowledge- gathers relevant information
2. Skills – acquire needed skills
3. Objectives
Objectives- take a new look, make new meaning, have clear goal and plan
4. Practice – do the daily routine such as regular exercise diet, relaxation and
carryout action towards the goal/plan
5. Social support – give receive help from others, talk to someone you trust
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1. Proactive coping
One can cope before stressful events take place, while it is happening or afterwards.
personal, social resources effectively. We can not wait for the things happened, we
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2. Meaning making
Sometime changing the way we think, feel and act will help us to deal with our
positive of stressful events are the ways to make meaning. many of the
psychotherapy aims at nothing but changing the way of thinking, feeling and
acting. Changing our self to fit into the unchangeable external reality is essential to
Failure as a feedback
Change as a challenge
Obstacle as an opportunity
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3. Religious coping
All religions offer a framework for understanding, interpreting and accepting our
stressful life events. When we encounter uncontrollable circumstances the only thing
we can do to comfort ourselves is to surrender to God, the almighty. This will give at
least the illusion of control over the situation. Positive religious coping is the only
way if all the coping methods failed. this method can give us a sense of relief and
Example
Violence, terrorism
Transforming oneself beyond their own limits,To gain strength and acceptance
Top three protecting shield, that helps us to deal with our stress.
1. Personal development
hope and self-efficacy directly related to our stress. Personal development is the first
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2. Social development
all requires honesty, genuineness, and mutual trust. We need other persons help and
support to cope with stress. This will be the second protecting shield that protects us
from stress.
3. Work or task
our ability, meaningful contribution and our achievements make us feel worthy,
boost our esteem. We may gain new friends others may appreciate accept and
respect us. We need to achieve, learn or contribute something. This is the third
These three domains in our life serve as protecting shields which make a
difference in our life. If we learn to respond instead of reacting to our life events
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we can gain something which will help us to transform our life greatly.
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attitudes. We need to check our attitudes very often because we may not aware of it.
The good news is if we aware, it is very easy to change. Negative thoughts drain you.
Positive thoughts energize you. And you have a choice. Only you are responsible for
your experiences of life.
"Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself" - James
Allen
Mostly nnot
ot the event itself but our distressing emotions such as anger, fear, worry or
shame/guilt make us feel worst and cause ineffective handling of the situations.
Primarily stress coping attempt to coping with our own distressing emotions. There is
an inverse relationship between our rational thinking and distressing emotions. When
we are stressful our thinking will be very narrow.
For example
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Ou
Ourr appraisal plays a major role that determines our emotional experiences.
Reappraisal decreases negative emotions. Under stress there is a overlap between
positive and negative emotion which in turn we confused about our feelings and
problems. We can see iinn our every day lives, If someone under stress, is confused the
other person help him/her to take decision but the other person have such type of
problem he also turn others to help to take decision. This is because present and
absents of distressing emoti
emotions.
ons.
Person who are emotionally intelligent will perceive and appraise their emotional
states and know how and when to express their feelings. These competencies help him
to cope up successfully with his stress.
The good news is we can learn to control our emotions. The bad news is our innate
fighting urge and unconscious impulsive reactions prevent us from
from controlling our
emotions.
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Relationship can be a common source of stress and also important resource for
combating stress. Relationships provide us
Love,
Intimacy,
Reassurance of worth,
Tangible assistance,
Guidance
Informational support and
Emotional support.
Building strong relationship is very essential to cope up with stress. High quality
social relationships involves being aware of our thinking, feeling and then
communicating those ideas. Maintain relationship involves recognizing difficulties
early and dealing with our own hidden agenda, mind reading and negative
assumptions etc. The ability to communicate care and concern is essential to maintain
a good relationship. Effective communication in our interaction with others can be a
significant way of lowering our own stress levels even in unpleasant situations; we can
feel good about our own skillful responses. Learning to communicate better will get us
involved with others and help us express our needs more clearly and calmly. We need
to learn to understand and regulate emotions of other people to cheer them up when
they are down, to engage them when we want them to listen to us.
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We share our inner feelings only with Dear/ Near one, because they use their Ear
(listen).
Empathy
Acceptance
Respect
Do you know what listening means?
Empathy is nothing a pure form of love. Regardless of others fault, behaviour learn to
love. This is a way to live. Don’t be sources of stress to others; learn to give emotional
support to others.
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5. Stress coping
coping skills training - An overview
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the
world ... as in being able to remake ourselves. - Mahatma Gandhi
Be familiar with training which enhances your stress coping skills. So that you can
choose according to your specific needs.
To learn more about what is stress, source, sign and symptoms of stress, impact of
stress on health, performance and well
well-being.
well-being.
Training iinvolves
nvolves usually lecture, may include psychometric measures and relaxation.
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4. Mindfulness training
Objectives – experience new relationship with mind-body instead of same old pattern
To teach people how to manage every day stress by observes the moment by moment
sensation, cognition and emotions without judging whether they are bad or good. The
core principle is non-judging, patience, trust, non-striving beginners mind, acceptance
and letting go.
Training involves mindful breathing, body scan, mindful walking, mindful meditation
and mindfulness of everyday activities.
5. Behavioural rehearsal
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6. Anger management
7. Anxiety management
Training involves relaxation, guided imagery, home work assignment and real life
practice.
9. Relaxation training
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Modification is necessary, if our present life style is not balanced and stressful.
stressful. For
example some of the followings are essential for everyone but many of us don’t do it
at all.
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Example
All the above items makes you vulnerable and rise your stress level, if it is temporary,
nothing to worry, but if it exist over a period of time you need to get necessary help
from appropriate person.
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"What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long
achievements is a definite set of emo
emotional
tional skills - your EQ - not just purely cognitive
abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests." --Daniel
--Daniel Goleman,
Active listening
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Empathetic understanding
Assertiveness
How many of you willing to give and receive help? Asking help is a courageous act
Be willing and learn to give and receive help. We can make this world more
comfortable place to live!
“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” - Stephen Covey
Coping with stress not merely depends on the events or persons ability but also a
matter of mind set. The following mind set will be helpful to dealing with stress. I
hope this will help you.
1. Self-
Self- confidence
Person with good feelings about oneself tend to cope better and view their situations
as challenge rather than threat.
2. Personal respo
responsibility
nsibility
Events may be external but how we interpret, appraise and handle with them purely
within our hand. Assuming personal responsibility increases control believe which
enhance our coping ability.
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Cultivate a positive attitude to life and its challenges and replace negative or irrational
thoughts with realistic positive affirmations routes and have motivation to face your
problems.
Our goal need to be well defined, realistic and must re-evaluate often otherwise leads
to failure or disappointment. It is wise to plan for each day be flexible and make
change if necessary.
5. Effective communication
The ways we communicate improve our relationship. If you are overwhelmed with
your feelings such as anger you can not think of an appropriate expression or
communication. Improve your communication skills which will help you to clearly
state what you feel and want.
Good physical health helps you to meet life’s challenges. We need to gain knowledge
about health related issues and get adequate sleep, exercise, sleep and leisure time
for yourself.
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8. Mutual help
Healthy relationships are very important in helping us to cope with stress. We need to
learn to give and receive help from others. Learn to respond to the feeling and needs
of others, communicate effectively, cultivate positive attitude towards others. Adaptive
social skills will improve our quality of life.
Relaxation methods help us to deal with many kinds of stress. Since we respond to
stress in a different way, we need to find our own way to relax. Stress create tension,
arousal and distress, relaxation involves just the opposite, reducing tension, arousal
and distress.
Relaxation involves
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2. Stretching or yoga
3. Breathing exercises
4. Autogenic training
5. Guided imagery
With certain type of awareness, we fully attend our thoughts, feelings without
judgment
All the above methods are very effective and require training
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You may think the following methods relaxing you but it creates opposite of relaxation
and has their own negative consequences. Be aware of it!
-Smoking
-Alcohol, drugs etc
-Pornography, engage in sexual talk etc..
-coffee or some of the soft drinks
Relaxation techniques will be effective if
-Taught by trained professionals
-suitable to your needs and capability
-when practice become our part of everyday routine
Now find out your suitable method and relax yourself!
Handling stress is not always easy, hence there is a complex interrelated issues
involved in it. We must pay attention to the following areas of individual to help them
more effectively. Otherwise, you may handle only superficial problems.
I. General factors
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1. Duration
2. Frequency
3. Perceived or real problem
4. Perceived controllability
5. Perceived efficacy believe
6. Perceived social support
7. Predictable outcome – hope
IV. Other important factors
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Problem solving involves finding our way towards a goal. The object of problem
solving is usually a solution, answer or conclusion. The capacity to solve problems
successfully in the real world is a crucial component for one's well-being. Learning
these skills helps us to improve our ability to cope with stress. Problem solving,
1. Problem orientation
2. Problem definition and formulation
3. Generation of solutions
4. Decision-making
5. Solution implementation and verification.
But the traditional information- processing model defined problem solving as a series
of cognitive skills in problem identification, goal setting, finding suitable solutions and
evaluating problem-solving outcomes, but largely ignored the motivational, affective
and behavioural aspects of problem solving.
Ineffective problem solving and hasty decision making are more likely leads to
emotional distress and stressful pay off. We need to develop systematic approach when
we are dealing with complex real life problems.
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1. Conflicting motives
2. Uncertain, ambiguous situation
3. Risk involved
4. Different perspectives/ point of views
5. Many people involved
6. Different solution
Barriers
Any situation that brings forth feelings of discomfort such as conflict, stress, anxiety
etc. resulting from interaction or relationships with others. Social Problems including,
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Problem
Problem--solving
solving therapy
There is just a thin line between your performance and stress. Same task or situation
can be viewed as stress or opportunity for learning. The following strategies you need
to check to improve your learning and performance.
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1. Avoidance
If you feel incompetent you probably seek to escape from it. Avoidance will prevent
you from learning new skills. Learning require active effort, it is natural we feel
incompetent before mastering any task or skills. To master a task or skill first you take
it as challenge and focus your mind on the process but not the end result.
2. Believe
Success or failure mostly result of our attitude but not depends on our ability. You
know we have unlimited potential. Our belief becomes our attitude, feelings and our
action. Identify your self created limiting believes and challenge them.
3. Comparison
Every one is unique. Comparison creates negative impact on your learning and
performance. You can compare yourself with your own progress, it will motivate you.
But don’t compare yourself with others negatively.
4. Distraction
Our worries, anxiety and external events distract us. Distraction decreases our
concentration and focus. Identify your distraction and minimize it.
5. Effort
If you are willing to spare your time and energy you can reach your goal. Set priority,
keep your focus, do it with commitment and motivate yourself.
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Knowing is not enough to achieve something. You must feel the importance
importance of what
you are doing, create meaning, and contemplate mindfully. Aware of your own
chronic mistakes and failures find out the reason and challenge them.
About me
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