'I did it my way'

By Ranga Chandrarathne "As you know," said Sunethra, "Many members of my father's family, both men and women, pursued university studies. Both our parents, particularly my father, were keen to see their children doing well both academically and in their future careers." Sunethra added that, in this respect, her father exercised a strong influence on her life. Commenting on her early years, Sunethra said that she had led a very protected life until she left for the UK to pursue university studies. She observed that, "Probably due to a strict upbringing, I was very shy and reserved and preferred the company of my closest friends. When I was not focusing on my school studies, I took great pleasure in spending most of my time reading or listening to music. I had no interest at all in what was happening around me in our family home, which were mostly activities of a political nature." Although she excelled in her studies, she was not involved in any active sports at all, instead concentrating more on artistic pursuits. Her deep voice resulted in her being always cast in male roles in the school's annual Gilbert and Sullivan operas. Her preferred way of spending her leisure time was not to go partying, but to spend time by herself or with a few good friends. "I must say, I really enjoyed my own company," she chuckles. Oxford University, at which Sunethra read Philosophy, Politics and Economics and obtained a BA honours degree, changed her life dramatically. The first thing she did was to chop off her signature long hair, and get into jeans and t-shirts. Her saris, which she carried with her to England, were firmly locked up in a chest. They were worn more often by her English friends than by herself! Sunethra, having been used to being waited upon at home by a large team of domestic staff, suddenly found herself thrown in the deep end with no support system in her daily life. She stoically tried her best to learn to be independent. She even borrowed a Sri Lankan cookery book from a friend and made her first venture into the culinary arts. "My first attempt was a disaster - the rice was burnt, the chicken curry was accidentally tipped into the kitchen sink and my guests, who were not at all surprised, graciously forgave me and drowned their disappointment in many

glasses of wine." Adjusting to life in a strange country with a totally different culture and a way of life was not easy. It took Sunethra the best part of a year to feel comfortable. Thereafter, she began to enjoy her university life - so much, so that she engaged in most of the activities that the university afforded its students. Her friends were mostly English and Anglicised Indians. She spent most of her holidays staying in the homes of her English friends and felt warmly welcomed by their families. These friendships have lasted for over forty years. After graduating in 1964, Sunethra worked for three years in London where she set up a flat and lived on her own. There she met her first husband, Kumar Rupesinghe with whom she returned to Sri Lanka. They were married in 1972. For about four years thereafter, Sunethra and her husband ran a popular political newspaper while at the same time Sunethra worked as co-ordinating secretary to her mother who was then Prime Minister. Although Sunethra insists that she has no interest in active politics, there was a short period in the 1970s when she worked in the women's movement of her mother's party, as well as campaigning for her in the general election of 1977 and the Presidential election of 1988. In the early 1990s, Sunethra made a second attempt at marriage, following her first, which ended after four years. Her marriage to Udaya Nanayakkara lasted for a somewhat longer period of nine years, before that, too, ended. Following her brief foray into politics, Sunethra focused her interest in the arts. She set up the Sunethra Bandaranaike Trust in 1994, which financially supports the work of young and talented artists. Sunera Foundation was subsequently established in April 2000, following a fruitful relationship between the Sunethra Bandaranaike Trust and a group of differentlyabled artists. Sunera continues to be the leading Sri Lankan NGO to use the performing arts as a therapeutic tool for social rehabilitation of the differentlyabled. Sunethra had strong views to express on the attitudes of society towards single women, particularly if they are successfully pursuing a career. She herself, after two failed marriages, has taken a firm decision to live on her own. She says that she enjoys having her own space and her independence. In answer to the question of how she perceives the attitude of men towards women like herself, she smiled mischievously, "I'm very flattered at the attention they pay me," "But," she added, with a change of expression, "it is still a problem for single career women to have to contend with men whose upbringing and egos do not enable them to approach women as their equals.

There appears to be a sense of competition in men with women who are successful in life. There are some signs that this is breaking down with the younger generations but we have a long way to go." When asked whether she had any regrets in her life, she was quick to reply, "If I were to live my life all over again, there is nothing I would do differently."