Purity 101:

Learning the Basics of Sexual Thought Purity

IMPORTANT: This curriculum is designed for class discussion.

Therefore the lessons are short and primarily contain primer questions to
start relevant conversations. The workbook is simply to be used as a
guide for discussion. For workbooks that focus more on individual
growth visit www.bebroken.com or call 1.800.49.PURITY.

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Purity 101: Learning the Basics of Sexual Thought Purity
Copyright © 2004 Jonathan Daugherty

All rights reserved. No part of this workbook may be reproduced or

transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and
retrieval system without written permission from Be Broken Ministries,
18965 F.M. 2252, Suite 101, Garden Ridge, TX 78266. Printed in the
United States of America.

Requests for information, or to order additional workbooks, should be

sent to:

Be Broken Ministries
18965 F.M. 2252, Suite 101
Garden Ridge, Texas 78266.

If you would like to contact Jonathan Daugherty, you may do so by

email at jonathan@bebroken.com.

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Table of Contents

Welcome to Purity 101 Page 5

Purity & Sexual Dependence

Lesson 1: Personal Evaluation Page 9

Lesson 2: Factors leading to a sexual habit Page 17
Lesson 3: What perpetuates the cycle of sexual acting out? Page 19
Lesson 4: Admitting the struggle Page 21
Lesson 5: Understanding the struggle Page 25
Lesson 6: Finding Freedom Page 27

Purity & Shame

Lesson 7: What is shame? Page 31

Lesson 8: The spiral of shame Page 33
Lesson 9: The effects of shame Page 35
Lesson 10: Freedom from shame Page 37
Lesson 11: The “Balanced Life” Page 39

Lesson 12: Moving beyond Purity 101 Page 43

Appendix A: The 4 Pillars of Purity Page 45

Appendix B: Additional Purity Resources Page 46

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Page 4
Welcome to Purity 101
Greetings fellow purity pioneer.

The curriculum you are about to work through is fundamental to

understanding how to live a biblical lifestyle of sexual thought purity.
This information is invaluable in your pursuit of holy living in a world
full of sexual temptation and innuendo. Work hard on incorporating the
principles of purity outlined within these pages into your daily life and
you will reap the rewards of a fulfilled existence.

This short curriculum is divided into two main sections: Purity & Sexual
Dependence and Purity & Shame. Sexual sin is progressive, so if left to
its own momentum in your life it will ultimately lead to addictive
patterns. Not everyone who struggles with sexual temptation is a sex
addict. But if proactive work in the area of sexual thought purity is not
sought, addictive, or ‘dependent,’ patterns will develop.

Shame is the driving force behind any addiction. It may not have started
the behaviors, but it keeps them going. It is critical to understand the
role shame plays in the arena of sexual struggles in order to overcome
negative patterns and enjoy the fruits of pure living.

I am excited about what God is going to do in your heart and mind as

you work diligently through the material enclosed in these pages. This
isn’t rocket science, but skillfully applying the principles of purity will
make you stand out in a culture that has lost its bearing on the biblical
standard for purity. Be bold and courageous as you become the person
God intended you to be.

Yours for purity,

Jonathan Daugherty
Be Broken Ministries, Inc.

IMPORTANT: This curriculum is designed for class discussion.

Therefore the lessons are short and primarily contain primer questions to
start relevant conversations. The workbook is simply to be used as a
guide for discussion. For workbooks that focus more on individual
growth visit www.bebroken.com or call 1.800.49.PURITY.

Page 5
Page 6
Purity & Sexual Dependence

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Page 8
Lesson 1: Personal Evaluation

Welcome to Lesson 1 of Purity 101.

Purpose of Purity 101: To develop a greater understanding of sexual

temptations and the disciplines necessary to overcome destructive
compulsive thoughts and behaviors.

The Purity 101 class curriculum is meant to help initiate quality

discussions and help each class member gain greater insight into their
personal struggles with sexual temptation and establish solid strategies
for overcoming various pitfalls.

Personal Evaluation Worksheet

Complete the Personal Evaluation Worksheet located on the following
pages to determine where you stand in your battle with sexual purity.

Questions for Class Discussion:

1. When you hear the term ‘sexual addiction’ what comes to mind?

2. Most people would not be classified as sexual addicts, but rather

‘sexual strugglers.’ Would you be willing to admit to being a
sexual struggler who is not 100% pure in thought and action
100% of the time? If so, how does such an admission change
your perspective on others who struggle with sexual
temptation?

3. After completing your Personal Evaluation Worksheet, what

was your reaction to your overall purity “score?” Did it surprise
you? Was it better or worse than you expected? Discuss your
answers.

4. What new things did you learn about yourself when you worked
through the Personal Evaluation Worksheet?

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Personal Evaluation Worksheet

Introduction

One of the 4 Pillars of Purity (see Appendix A for more information) is

evaluating your current situation (“Understand Triggers”). You must be
aware of your primary outlets to which you inappropriately act out
sexually. Once you understand your tendencies and “triggers” you are
better prepared to take action against them and live for purity instead.

Instructions

First, take the purity test. Then proceed to the Personal Evaluation
Worksheet.

If you have questions regarding the use of this worksheet please call
1.800.49.PURITY or visit www.bebroken.com.

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Purity Test

Find out your purity “score.” Take the following survey to find out if
you may be struggling with a sexual addiction.
(Adapted from Sex Addicts Anonymous)

Yes No Questions
Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities
from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations
or with people you would not normally choose?
Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or
scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?
Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your
relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?
Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after
having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt
after a sexual encounter?
Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that
you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual
relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that
you are asexual?
Does each new relationship continue to have the same
destructive patterns, which prompted you to leave the last
relationship?
Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic
activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement
and relief?
Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being
arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism,
prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?
Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with
your spiritual beliefs or development?
Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of
disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?
Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling
hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions you may have a
sexual dependency.

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Page 12
Personal Evaluation Worksheet

Instructions

1. List the top 3 inappropriate ways you act out sexually (i.e. view
pornography, masturbation, fantasizing, etc.).
2. Record the frequency of your acting out.
3. With outside help (counselor, pastor, group leader, etc.) create a
plan of action for each sexual outlet listed.

If you have questions regarding the use of this worksheet please call
1.800.49.PURITY or visit www.bebroken.com.

Top 3 Sexual Outlets – List the top 3 inappropriate ways you act out
sexually.

1.

2.

3.

Frequency of Acting Out – Write in each outlet from above in the

appropriate blank below. Then circle the closest average frequency of
acting out per week for each outlet.

Outlet #1: < 1 time 1-2 times 2-5 times > 5 times

Outlet #2: < 1 time 1-2 times 2-5 times > 5 times

Outlet #3: < 1 time 1-2 times 2-5 times > 5 times

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Plan of Action – Develop a specific plan of action for each of your top 3 sexual
outlets.
Outlet #1:
How I will recognize this
outlet:

How I will respond to

triggers:

Scripture of encouragement
& strength:

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Personal Evaluation Worksheet (continued)

Outlet #2:
How I will recognize this
outlet:

How I will respond to

triggers:

Scripture of encouragement
& strength:

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Personal Evaluation Worksheet (continued)

Outlet #3:
How I will recognize this
outlet:

How I will respond to

triggers:

Scripture of encouragement
& strength:

Share your Personal Evaluation Worksheet results with a trusted friend

or Purity 101 class members.

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Lesson 2: Factors Leading to a Sexual Dependency

Welcome to Lesson 2.

What causes a person to eventually become enslaved to a sexual habit?

The following are some of the most common factors that lead to sexual
dependency:

™ Abuse – sexual, emotional, physical, etc.

™ Trauma – accident, fearful experience, etc.
™ Exposure to porn
™ Unmet emotional needs – primarily from childhood
™ Depression – chemical imbalances, mood patterns
™ Spiritual bondage
™ Chemical addiction – alcohol, drugs, prescription meds, etc.

Questions for Class Discussion

1. Why do you think these factors could lead a person to sexual

dependency?

2. Are there any other factors that you believe should be listed but
are not?

3. How have you dealt with your own negative factors that have
influenced your sexual habits? Have your methods worked? If
so, share some ideas with the other class members. (Remember,
everyone is different. So, what worked for you may not
necessarily resonate with someone else.)

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Daily Prayer Journal

Begin a Daily Prayer Journal. It is important to write down what God is

teaching you on your personal purity journey. Begin journaling your
thoughts and prayers to God. This is your private journal so be
completely honest and open. Do not withhold any feeling, frustration, or
finding. We all need a healthy outlet for expressing our deepest feelings,
and journaling can be a great way to do this. Begin today!

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Lesson 3: What perpetuates the cycle of sexual acting out?

Welcome to Lesson 3.

What exactly drives your sexual habits? Sexual dependency goes much
deeper than physical acting out. There are emotional elements that
perpetuate the cycle of acting out. The following is a short list of some
such elements:

™ Fear – of being exposed, of having to give up your addiction, of

lifestyle changes
™ Shame – demeaning yourself because of your behavior, poor
self-esteem
™ Lack of accountability & support – unwillingness to be
transparent with others
™ Ignorance – misunderstanding of sexual dependence & lack of
education

Questions for Class Discussion

1. Why do you believe the factors mentioned above cause sexual

dependency to continue and grow?

2. What are other factors that could perpetuate sexual habits?

3. How can these emotional elements of addictive behavior be

confronted and managed?

4. Share your number one factor that proves to be an obstacle to

your experiencing consistent sexual thought purity.

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Page 20
Lesson 4: Admitting the Struggle

Welcome to Lesson 4.

Admitting that you have a problem with sexual temptation is the first
step toward becoming a person of purity. Confession is another way to
express brokenness. You must be broken over your sin in order to tear
down the walls of pride and lay a solid foundation of truth from which
you can build a life of purity. The essay on the following pages
illustrates this point.

Questions for Class Discussion

1. Why is admitting your struggle with sexual temptation so

important to being a person of purity?

2. What biblical principles are you following by admitting your

struggle?

3. How does admitting your struggle differ from brokenness?

4. What function does brokenness serve in helping you maintain a

lifestyle of purity?

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Is Brokenness Really Necessary?
by Jonathan Daugherty

Is brokenness really a necessity in a believer’s life? When you place your faith
in Jesus Christ for your salvation, what can you expect? Why does it often
seem that life becomes more difficult after our conversion than before?

These are some tough questions that we all face in our Christian walk. I face
them on a daily basis. Many times I run from these questions because they are
hard to answer and even harder to ask. But we must face these questions if
we are to establish a firm foundation for our faith.

“You don’t understand my situation," you might say. "I have a besetting sin
that I just have to live with. It’s just the way things are going to be. I don’t
expect to ever have control over it.” Is this your attitude toward the sin and
difficulties in your Christian walk? I must admit that I am drawn toward such
attitudes often. But to set up camp there is to stymie our Christian faith and
deny the freedom Christ offers.

I am convinced that one of the favorite “tools” God uses to bring His children
to a proper understanding of Christian living is brokenness. He persistently
uses this tool to mold our spirits in conformity to Jesus Christ. And it really
shouldn’t come as a surprise to those of us who are saved. If you think about
it, our entire nature was eternally altered at the point of our salvation.

We are new creations (II Cor. 5:17). We have a new home in heavenly places
(Eph. 2:6). We are no longer under the condemnation of God (Rom. 8:1). We
have been crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20). We are also raised with Christ
(Rom. 6:5). These truths bring to light the great struggles we now face as
Christians. We are new creatures spiritually, yet living in an old, sin-infested
body physically. This body of ours is referred to as the flesh.

Our flesh is that part of us that longs for everything this world has to offer.
Everything from power, to lust, to greed, to selfishness, and on and on. And
these temptations of the world are relentless in their pursuit of our souls. And
while our soul can never be totally lost again to the world, our lives can
become so diluted with the world’s system that we do not honor God in our
actions. We deceive ourselves into thinking we are whole when we are very,
very empty.

So, how does God respond to children who are being duped by the world’s
lies? He responds with the truth of His Word. And this means that there are
principles at work in His creation designed to draw us back to Him. These
principles include both the physical AND the spiritual. For instance, if I throw

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a ball into the air the principle of gravity will pull it back to the earth. This is a
physical principle.

But there are also spiritual principles at work around us. “A man reaps what
he sows.” This is a spiritual principle. If I choose to sow seeds of
unrighteousness, the Bible tells me I will reap death. But if I choose to sow
seed of righteousness, I will reap life. Does this have anything to do with my
salvation? No, not at all. These are universal principles that apply to
everyone, believer or unbeliever.

This brings us back to the question of how brokenness works in a Christian’s

life. If I am a believer and have a poor understanding of God’s Word in my
life and continue to drift in and out of the world’s lies, how does God get me
back on track? I believe, in most cases, He draws us back to Himself through
the spiritual principles that He has placed in our world. I do believe there are
some instances in which He intervenes directly, but I think they are the
exception and not the norm.

The natural consequences of breaking the spiritual principles of God will

produce a broken heart. And out of our broken heart we see our desperate
need for God our Savior. Because we love God and are His children, when we
disobey, or sin, we will be hurt in our spirit. This is a natural consequence.
This would only make sense, knowing that God hates sin.

To put it in practical terms, if I disobeyed my father, not only would it hurt

him, but my spirit would be wounded also. I am still his son and he is still my
father, but there is a wound in our fellowship. To continue in disobedience
would only increase the size and pain of that wound. My father’s hope is that
eventually the wound will become so painful and bothersome that I would
come to him, seeking forgiveness, healing, and restoration. This is the general
concept of God’s use of brokenness in our lives.

When we come to Christ for salvation life oftentimes becomes more difficult.
This is because our spiritual nature has changed forever but we remain in our
flesh. Thus begins the process of being broken. But we have the choice of
how long and painful the breaking process needs to be. If I make wise choices
and turn to God quickly out of my sin or disobedience, I will experience a less
painful breaking process. If I remain stubborn and rebellious, it will be a long,
hard road ahead.

We must never belittle the great work of brokenness in our lives. Without
being broken of the ties to this world we have no hope of becoming like our
savior Jesus Christ. So, we must embrace the brokenness we face, mourn the
wounds our disobedience creates, and rejoice in the salvation that God has

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granted us. Without His salvation we would not be able to endure being
broken.

One other thing: let us not make excuses about personal “vices.” We ALL
have besetting temptations that Satan constantly reminds us about. We ALL
feel inadequate at times of the tasks and ministries God calls us to. We ALL
hide our true selves to some extent. The sooner we can admit these universal
truths to others and to ourselves, the sooner we will live in freedom from the
bondage of fear. Without fear there is freedom to experience the great grace of
God, even in the midst of our brokenness.

Published September 2002 on Bebroken.com

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Lesson 5: Understanding the Struggle

Welcome to Lesson 5.

Admitting the struggle is the first step to purity. Understanding why

you struggle is the second. When you learn what legitimate needs you
are attempting to meet through your sexual habits you will be able to
develop the skills to meet your deepest needs through intimacy with
God and other believers who love you. All addictive behaviors are an
attempt to meet legitimate emotional, spiritual, or physical needs
through unhealthy means.

The following are some questions to ask yourself in order to better

understand your struggle:

1. When do you normally act out sexually? What events or

circumstances usually precede your acting out? (i.e. argument
with spouse, long day at the office, etc.)

2. What emotions regularly accompany your pull toward acting

out? (i.e. anger, sadness, disappointment, loneliness, etc.)

3. What is your perception of God? (Be honest!) How do you view

God and His disposition toward you and your struggle with
sexual sin?

4. What is your “favorite” (most used) method of acting out? (i.e.

viewing porn, masturbation, soliciting prostitutes, visiting strip
clubs, etc.)

5. How well did your parents meet your emotional and spiritual
needs as a child? How do you think this has affected your adult
relationships?

6. How do you respond to the truth that God loves you…period?

Can you freely receive His love and grace? What obstacles are
preventing you from doing so?

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Questions for Class Discussion

1. Was this lesson difficult? If so, what parts were particularly

hard for you? Share your thoughts and feelings with other class
members.

2. How well do you understand your struggle with sexual sin?

Will you commit to becoming a student of yourself in order to
understand the details of your struggle? Ask another class
member to join on your journey of self-exploration.

3. How well does God understand your struggle? Could you

invite Him into this area of your life so you could gain His
perspective and instruction on how best to move forward?

4. What are some additional questions you could ask yourself to

gain a greater understanding of your sexual struggle?

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Lesson 6: Finding Freedom

Welcome to Lesson 6!

Freedom from sexual dependency IS POSSIBLE! Say it again. “Freedom

from sexual dependency is possible.” You have just spoken words of HOPE.
Lustful habits produce thoughts and feelings of despair. The solution to
despair is hope. True hope is found in knowing the Truth (Jesus Christ)
and trusting His ability to set you free.

Freedom from your sexual habits is a combination of two basic elements

of Christian living:

1. TRUST

2. OBEDIENCE

Trust

You must trust God and what He says is true in order to enjoy freedom
from sexual dependence. Trust is a process of seeing God demonstrate
Himself faithful over and over in the daily grind of life. God is more
than willing to prove His trustworthiness to us – even though He doesn’t
have to.

Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.”
He also stated, “I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life.” To know Jesus
is to know the truth. Therefore, the closer you get to Jesus the more you
will know the truth, and in turn, will find the freedom you desire.

Trust requires letting God be in control. This will be uncomfortable at

first because you have chosen to live your life according to how you feel
rather than according to God’s best. But as you let go of the reigns of
your life and allow God to direct, you will gain an intimacy with the
Savior that is unique and deep. Trust paves the way to a lifestyle of
purity.

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Obedience

“To obey is better than sacrifice…” (1 Samuel 15:22b).

God wants you to follow Him completely. Not because He is some big
killjoy out to make your life miserable. In fact, He desires your
obedience for exactly the opposite reason. To obey God is to do what is
best for your life and relationships.

Your sexual dependency leads you away from the protection and
blessings of God. You cannot experience peace, joy, and true satisfaction
apart from your heavenly Father. So, to continue your sexual habits in
disobedience to God’s leading is to rob yourself of all that is good and
wonderful about life - true life.

Obedience requires that you first know what is right, then act on such
knowledge in the trenches of everyday life. To know what is right is to
learn God’s Word. To apply it is to submit the authority of God’s Holy
Spirit and follow His lead. Easy to say, hard to do. But God never asks
you to do anything He won’t provide the means to accomplish.

Trust and obey

For there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey

Questions for Class Discussion

1. Do you believe freedom from sexual dependency is possible? If

not, why not?

2. How has God proven Himself trustworthy in your life? How

has His faithfulness been demonstrated in the past week in your
purity struggle?

3. How well are your surrendering to God’s control and following

His desires for purity in your life? What is preventing you from
submitting?

4. Why is it so critical to trust and obey? Share your thoughts with

your Purity 101 class members.

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Purity & Shame

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Page 30
Lesson 7: What is Shame?

Welcome to Lesson 7.

Shame, simply stated, is the belief that I am defective as a person. Best-selling

author John Bradshaw describes shame as, "the all-pervasive sense that I
am flawed and defective as a human being." Shame is different from
guilt. Guilt is focused on behavior: “I feel guilty for doing…” Shame is
focused on ME: “I am ashamed that I am…” As Psychologist Norman
Wright puts it, "Guilt says `I have made a mistake;' shame says 'I am a
mistake.'" Deep down shame tells me that I am unfit and rotten.

You need to understand shame in order to live free from its effects.

There are numerous ways that shame can be manifested in a person’s

life. Here are just a few ways that shame might manifest itself in your
thoughts and beliefs:

What Shame Says About Me:

♦ I am evil ♦ I am not a good person

♦ I am wicked ♦ I am undesirable
♦ I am without hope ♦ I am a loser
♦ I am despicable ♦ I am abnormal
♦ I am unforgivable ♦ I am a pervert
♦ I am stupid ♦ I am pathetic
♦ I am unchangeable ♦ I am a monster
♦ I am a liar ♦ I am repulsive
♦ I am worthless ♦ I am sick

Upon first glance some of these statements may appear true, and even
“spiritual.” Yet, that is the lie that fuels shame. As you will see a little
later, once you have been redeemed through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ,
you are made righteous in God’s sight. All your ‘defectiveness’ was
dealt with at the cross of Christ.

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Questions for Class Discussion

1. What is shame?

2. What is the difference between shame and guilt?

3. In what ways do you shame yourself? Share the most recent

battle you had with shame in association with your sexual
struggle.

4. Think about the idea of God’s creation being without defect,

including how he designed you. How does that make you feel?
Do you have a hard time believing it? If so, why?

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Lesson 8: The Spiral of Shame

Welcome to Lesson 8.

In order to live free from the damaging effects of shame you must first
understand how shame operates in your life. There is a definite cycle (or
‘spiral’) that most individuals experience in regards to shame. We will
summarize this spiral with the following, progressive statements:

1. “I am defective as a person”
2. “My ‘defectiveness’ makes me unlovable”
3. “I must compensate for my defectiveness”
4. “All my physical efforts to soothe pain lead to more shame”

These four statements are the typical cycle in which many sexual
strugglers find themselves trapped.

For more in depth analysis of the spiral of shame we suggest the

workbook Understanding Shame: Breaking the Power of the Addictive Spiral
(see Appendix B).

The deepest need of every human being is to know the unconditional

love of our Creator. God put that longing in each human’s heart. When
we become trapped in the cycle of shame we believe the lie that we are
unlovable, due to our perception of being defective as a person. If we
believe we are unlovable, then we must believe that God cannot love us.
This produces deep pain within our soul because God created us to
desire His love more than life itself. When we perceive that such a desire
cannot be met, we will do unbelievable things in attempts to ease that
pain. Thus, the cycle of shame progresses and we feel helplessly and
hopelessly ensnared.

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Questions for Class Discussion

1. What is the cycle of shame and how does it appear in your life?

2. How have you felt unloved in your life? Discuss the events or
relationships that have wounded you.

3. How do you compensate for your perceived defectiveness as a

person?

4. What is your greatest need as a human being? Is it being met?

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Lesson 9: The Effects of Shame

Welcome class.

Understanding the cycle of shame is the first step in being able to

dismantle it from your life. The second step is being able to recognize
the damaging effects shame produces.

The entire premise of shame is based on falsehoods. Shame never says

anything good or positive about you. You are never enough for shame.
It is never satisfied. So, how does a person consume such lies to a point
that they dictate his every behavior? It is based on the principle of
thoughts affecting belief, and beliefs affecting behavior.

Thoughts
Thoughts are what you let your mind dwell on. The easiest way to
define thoughts is those images, perceptions, and ideas that you receive into
your mind and allow to remain. When you view pornography or other
sexually stimulating material you are developing a pornographic
thought system. You are essentially compiling a library of thoughts
dedicated to pornography.

If these thoughts are allowed to remain they will cultivate an entire belief
system. A belief system based on lies.

The importance of managing your thoughts cannot be overstated when it

comes to their effect on your life. Your mind is the gateway to every
decision you make, good or bad. Therefore, if you want to combat the
lies of shame you must battle the thoughts that reinforce shame.

Beliefs
If you allow your mind to focus on certain thoughts over and over they
will develop into beliefs. Beliefs are thoughts that shape how you perceive the
world around you and how you are to react and respond to it. If you believe
something to be true it doesn’t necessarily mean it is. Beliefs in and of
themselves are subjective because the truth of the belief rests in the object
of the belief.

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If thoughts shape your beliefs, then what do beliefs influence? Beliefs
influence your actions. Every decision you make is backed up by a
belief. Every decision! If you think about it long enough you will realize
this to be true. Even simple decisions like turning on a water faucet or
sitting in a chair are influenced, ultimately, by your beliefs.

Actions
Beliefs are the ignition and fuel of actions. When repetitious thoughts have
formed deeply ingrained beliefs, your actions will fall in line with such a belief
system. Actions can be subtle, however, and a person can be involved for
years in behaviors that he or she doesn’t deem harmful.

Because actions always follow suit to your beliefs, they will also progress
(or digress, as the case may be) the more developed and false your belief
system becomes. Therefore, since addictive behavior always progresses
to a deeper level to maintain the same “high,” your actions will become
increasingly risky and even dangerous.

Your actions may be what are seen, but the belief system is what has to
ultimately change if you are ever to have hope of freedom. And hope is
precisely what shame is out to destroy.

Questions for Class Discussion

1. What is the mental/emotional/spiritual progression that leads to

entrapment in the deception of shame?

2. What is the importance of your thoughts in this progression?

3. What are some of your addictive behaviors? What false beliefs

can they be traced back to?

4. What are some proactive steps you can take to train your mind
to be on guard against false beliefs and hopelessness?

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Lesson 10: Freedom from Shame!

Welcome class.

Finally, we have come to the place where we can speak of hope and
freedom from this beast of shame. There truly is wonderful hope of
release from the grip of shame on your life. It comes over time and with
the proper understanding (and application) of the truth of Scripture.

The entire issue of shame and its destructive power was dealt with fully
on the cross through the perfect sacrifice of Jesus Christ. He met the full
force of shame and defeated it head on. Your hope for freedom from
shame is found in a relationship, by faith, with Jesus.

The following statements1 are what the Word of God says about who
you are in Christ. Notice the vast difference from what shame has to say
about us (Lesson 7).

What God Says About Who I Am In Christ:

o I am the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13)
o I am the light of the world (Matt. 5:14)
o I am a child of God (John 1:12)
o I am part of the true vine, a channel of
Christ’s life (John 15:1,5)
o I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15)
o I am chosen and appointed by Christ
to bear His fruit (John 15:16)
o I am a slave of righteousness (Rom.
6:18)
o I am enslaved to God (Rom. 6:22)
o I am a son of God; God is spiritually
my Father (Rom. 8:14, 15; Gal. 3:26;
4:6)
o I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing
His inheritance with Him (Rom. 8:17)
o I am a temple – a dwelling place – of
God. His Spirit and His life dwells in
me (I Cor. 3:16; 6:19)
o I am united to the Lord and am one
spirit with Him (I Cor. 6:17)
o I am a member of Christ’s Body (I Cor.
12:27; Eph. 5:30)
o I am a new creation (II Cor. 5:17)
o I am reconciled to God & a minister of
reconciliation (II Cor. 5:18, 19)
o I am a saint (Eph. 1:1; I Cor. 1:2; Phil.
1:1; Col. 1:2)
o I am God’s workmanship – His
handiwork – born anew in Christ to do
His work (Eph. 2:10)
o I am a fellow citizen with the rest of
God’s family (Eph. 2:19)
o I am righteous and holy (Eph. 4:24)
o I am a citizen of heaven, seated in
heaven right now (Phil. 3:20; Eph. 2:6)
o I am hidden with Christ in God (Col.
3:3)
o I am chosen by God, holy and dearly
loved (Col. 3:12; I Thes. 1:4)
o I am a son of light and not of darkness
(I Thes. 5:5)
o I am one of God’s living stones, being
built up in Christ as a spiritual house (I
Pet. 2:5)
o I am an alien and stranger to this
world in which I temporarily live (I
Pet. 2:11)
o I am an enemy of the devil (I Pet. 5:8)

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Living free from shame will require that you have an attitude of
perseverance, endurance, and responsibility. You must persevere when
you become discouraged or hit bumps in the road. You must endure
through valleys of failure or intense struggles. You must take the “long
view” of freedom and be willing to take responsibility for “renewing
your mind” day by day, moment by moment, with the truth from God’s
Word. If you do, you will experience freedom from shame and become
most effective in living a full, abundant life.

Questions for Class Discussion

1. What statements about who God says you are in Christ stood
out to you? Why?

2. Why is it so important for us to renew our minds with God’s

truth?

3. What are some ways you can improve your understanding of

God’s Word?

4. How well are you cultivating an attitude of perseverance,

endurance, and responsibility when it comes to your struggle?

1 Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson (Pages 45-47, © 1990, Regal Books)

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Lesson 11: The Balanced Life

Welcome to Lesson 11.

Does freedom from habitual sin occur because of God's deliverance or

because we willfully practice principles of freedom? The answer to this
question is not an "either or" but simply YES. There is a balance between
God's provision of righteousness and our responsibility to act on that
provision. This truth is brought to light in the book of Ephesians.

I don't profess to be a biblical scholar or someone who has a superb

understanding of all the truths of the Bible, but I do believe there are
many principles in Scripture that are abundantly clear. The principle of
"balance" seems to be one. Let me define the principle of balanced living
before diving into Ephesians.

The balanced life principle is simply understanding what God has

provided for me by salvation through Jesus Christ and then acting on
such provision according to His Word.

Let's see what Ephesians has to say about living a balanced spiritual life.

Chapter 1 of Ephesians outlines the provision God has given His

children through His sovereign salvation in Jesus Christ. Verse 3 states,
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed
us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ." This
tells us that through Christ we received every spiritual blessing the
moment we placed our faith in Him. And throughout the entire first
chapter of Ephesians we are told of what this conversion means to us:

™ God chose us (v. 4)

™ We are holy and blameless before God (v. 4)
™ We are accepted by God (v. 6)
™ We have been redeemed and forgiven (v. 7)
™ We have received a spiritual inheritance (v. 11 & 14)

Wow! Look at all that we have been given through faith in Christ (and
these are just the tip of the iceberg of spiritual blessings). All this
occurred the moment we were saved. But why is it that we don’t always
live in light of these truths? In fact, many Christians live in bondage to a
particular sin. How can this be? We have been given so much?

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I believe we remain entrapped in besetting sins because we fail to
understand the principle of balance. Many of us hear of the great grace
of God and His power and might to set captives free, but we fail to pay
any attention to our responsibility in the process. We essentially see
God as a giant genie...if you rub Him just right He will give you your
wish to be free. Wrong! God provides the tools, the avenue, and the
power, but He chooses to include us in the journey.

The book of Ephesians goes on to tell us of our responsibility to respond

to the great provisions God has made for us. Chapters 2-3 make it clear
that our freedom and salvation rest squarely on the grace of God
through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and the implications to us of such a
sacrifice. Then in chapters 4-6, Paul (the writer of Ephesians) gets down
to the nitty gritty, roll up your sleeves issues of our role in living
righteously. In 4:1 it says, "I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech
you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called." Here we
see the transition we must make from having knowledge of all that God
has provided for us through Christ and then taking responsibility for
such knowledge in how we conduct ourselves.

The best illustration of this "balanced life" principle comes in the final
chapter of Ephesians, verses 10-18. This exhortation is for us to take up
the armor of God in our battle against the devil. You see, we think we
are fighting a battle against shame or some other sin, but the reality is we
are fighting a battle "against principalities, against powers, against the
rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in
the heavenly places." (v. 12) Our battle is spiritual. Our struggle with a
particular sin is simply a physical manifestation of something far deeper
and deadlier.

This is why we are told in verse 13 to "take up the whole armor of God
that you may be able to withstand in the evil day." Because we do not
fight a physical battle we cannot use physical armor or weapons. The
crux of this verse is the relationship between what we must do and
whose armor we are donning. The armor is the Lords because our
abilities are useless in spiritual warfare. But it is you, and it is I, who
must "take up." God does not dress us for battle...that is our
responsibility.

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Questions for Class Discussion

1. How do you respond to all the spiritual blessings God has given
to you by faith in Christ? What feelings does this create in you?

2. Are you taking responsibility for your role in receiving God’s

provision for freedom? If so, in what ways? If not, why not?

3. How do you exercise your faith and hope in God daily? How
can you if you aren’t doing so right now?

4. What are some practical ways you can “take up” the armor of
God in your battle for purity?

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Page 42
Lesson 12: Moving Beyond Purity 101

Welcome to Lesson 12.

This Purity 101 class curriculum only scratches the surface when
attempting to deal with the many facets of developing a lifestyle of
sexual purity. We hope that you will continue your personal journey
day-by-day after finishing this course.

What is the next step?

Build a vision for purity! You need a vision, a purpose, a goal for your
journey. Simply saying, “I want to be pure” is pretty general and
undefined. Building a vision requires seeking God’s purpose for your
life, studying Scripture to learn about healthy sexuality, and pursuing
with passion the desire to live a holy life. Vision takes thought, energy,
and commitment. And for a purity vision to succeed it must involve
others.

Build a team of purity partners! Teamwork is essential in sustaining a

solid purity plan. You just can’t consistently live in purity in your own
strength. You need other people in your life who are willing to challenge
you, encourage you, and support you in your quest. Seek out like-
minded individuals who also have a personal vision for purity.
Essentially, you are seeking to build true friendships with people who
care about you and want to see you reach your full potential in Christ.

Build a plan for purity! Having a vision for being a person of purity is
the right start, but planning is required to achieve the mission. Planning
for purity also will require the help and input of your purity partners.
When you have a team of like-minded people backing your plan, you are
much better equipped to tackle the tough struggles that occur in the fight
for sexual thought purity. As you build your plan remember the 4
Pillars of Purity:

o Profess the Struggle

o Understand Triggers
o Relate with God
o Engage Others

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Questions for Class Discussion

1. What is your vision for purity? Share this with at least one other
person in your Purity 101 class

2. Why is it so important to have others join you in your personal

battle for sexual thought purity?

3. Have you developed a purity plan? If not, set a date to have

your plan complete and begin to implement it into your daily
life. Share this information with at least one other person in
your Purity 101 class.

4. What other proactive steps are you planning to take in your

pursuit of purity? Write them down and share them with your
Purity 101 class members.

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Appendix A – The 4 Pillars of Purity

The following represent what we believe to be the 4 primary disciplines

necessary in a person’s life in order to live every day in sexual thought
purity. These pillars must all be present and intertwined in order to
experience the best that biblical purity has to offer.

These disciplines form the acrostic P.U.R.E. This will make it easy to
assess if you are implementing these pillars for living a P.U.R.E. life.

1. PROFESS THE STRUGGLE (CONFESSION) - Without confession of having

a problem there is no hope for finding long-term freedom. A person
may be able to change behaviors for a short period of time without fully
admitting the depth of their struggle. But if you want long-term,
consistent freedom from porn and sexual addiction you must admit the
degree to which you struggle - to yourself and others.

2. UNDERSTAND YOUR “TRIGGERS” (HONESTY) - Evaluation involves

getting honest with yourself and determining the things that "set you
off" (triggers) and lead you to sexual acting out for relief. This process
can take some time since it involves evaluating not only your behaviors
but also the motivation behind the behaviors. A reputable Christian
counselor can help you cultivate this discipline.

3. RELATE WITH GOD (HUMILITY) - Apart from the healing power of

Jesus Christ we can never know ongoing freedom from porn and sexual
addiction. It is vital that we grow in our understanding of the TRUTH.
Many of us have spent so many years in lies & deception that it can be
difficult to see and believe what the truth really is - especially about
what God says about who we are in Him ("There is now NO
condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" - Romans 8:1).

4. ENGAGE OTHERS (ACCOUNTABILITY) - This principle is just as vital as

relating with God. Without the honest, open communication with
another person who understands your struggle, you will continue to fall
again and again. We do not seek to create "perfect" people but we do
seek to teach people how to ENGAGE with others in authentic
relationship. Pornography and sexual sin only encourage disconnection
from people, the very opposite of what we need the most if we are going
to live free.

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Appendix B – Additional Purity Resources

Understanding Shame:
Breaking the Power of the Addictive Spiral
Shame cripples our effectiveness for God. We spend
more time focusing on our deficiencies and less time
relying on God for strength and resolve against sin.
Shame attacks us at the core of our being and withers
our hope of walking in purity. We need freedom
from shame if we are ever to live in spiritual
wholeness.

The Understanding Shame workbook provides the

tools you need to break free from the trap of self-
abusive thoughts. Use the workbook individually or in a group setting. Each
chapter is followed up with thought provoking questions to help you dive
deeper into understanding how shame is affecting your life - and how to live free
from such negative effects.

The Handbook for Hurting Wives

How to respond to your spouse’s secret sexual struggle.

This resource is invaluable to wives who have been

hurt by their husband’s sexual struggles. This
workbook helps wives learn:
• Seven basis spiritual truths
• How to manage her emotional trauma
• Insights into the male sexual struggle
• Do's & don'ts when dealing with his
struggle
• 30 days of daily devotions
And more...

Additional resources from Be Broken Ministries:

The First 7 Days booklet
40 Days of Purity workbook
Beyond 40 Days workbook
Pure Life calendar
My Purity Journal

Visit www.bebroken.com or call 1.800.49.PURITY to find out more about

these and other purity resources.

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