wedding factories

warning: at just under 5000 words, this is a lengthy post, by far the longest i've had. for anyone that doesn't particularly enjoy reading things on their computer, a google docs version can be found and printed here.

introduction
i have attended a number of korean weddings by now, and have seen what i feel to be nearly the full range of such ceremonies. i had attended a number of western weddings as well before departing for this peninsula, so i shall now attempt to impart my western view of korean weddings. before doing so, however, i must make clear that what i have viewed are not historically traditional korean wedding ceremonies. instead they are a modernization which has essentially discarded all appearance of traditional ritual, replacing it with hastily copied western trends, though, as i will discuss later, a person accustomed to western weddings would say that these trends are almost unrecognizable in the borrowed setting. i will begin by discussing the feelings that strike me during these ceremonies and giving an overview of a typical wedding, then continue by breaking down individual elements of a standard ceremony to explain why these feelings are produced and why korean weddings seem meaningless to all involved aside from the couple being wed, and finish by offering some suggestions for any koreans who wish to avoid the major issues outlined in the second section.

sensations upon viewing a korean wedding

one of the two strangest feelings that one has while watching a korean wedding is that of the 'uncanny valley' response (credit to brian deutsch for his clever application of this term), applied to weddings. i will not repeat an explanation of the original term here. put simply, one feels that, at least superficially, a western wedding is occurring, but that something feels out of place, or "wrong", as though one had been taken to an alternate dimension wherein everything is subtly different but it is impossible to say why. the other is that one is witnessing a wedding assembly line, or that the building itself is a wedding factory of sorts. one could level a fair criticism on many western ceremonies by saying that they are cookie-cutter weddings with most elements copied from other weddings, but such a description cannot begin to describe the identicalness of average korean weddings. it would be fully possible to leave during a ceremony for a restroom break or to take a phone call, and accidentally wander back into a different weddings ceremony in progress and not be aware of the mistake until the couple turned to face the audience at the end. those who find western ceremonies tediously repetitive would be bored to tears by their third viewing of a korean wedding.

a typical wedding

the weddings i have attended in korea are as follows: a high-class wedding for the son of a prominent figure in the local community, conducted at a famous hotel in seoul, complete with a three course meal and coaches arranged to shuttle in attendees from other cities; a slightly upscale wedding of two middle-class people at a local and somewhat out-of-date hotel nearby; a christian wedding in a church nearby; and finally a standard wedding-factory ceremony. before discussing the precise cause of the sensations described above, i must describe a standard wedding for those that have not had the experience of witnessing one first hand. weddings occur roughly two months after the couple decides to get married, and largescale informing of the guests occurs two to three weeks before the planned date. potential guests told informally, usually in a broadcast message, such as attaching a copy of an invitation to a bulletin board at one's workplace. those who must be informed individually are told casually, with little thought given to the specific wording or context. one can expect the tone of the response to be tepid excitement. the number of attendees and their precise names are irrelevant as the system allows for quite a bit of flexibility in this regard.

cash table
there is no wedding registry or giving of gifts aside from cash at the wedding, an obligation of co-workers or friends even if they do not attend. a table is set up at the venue to distribute envelopes for said cash and the receive the stuffed envelopes, and to record how much money is received from each person and whether the contact was on the bride's or groom's side. thirty thousand won (roughly twenty-five dollars in canadian or american currency as of this writing) is considered the minimum amount for a gift.

bride viewing
(anonymized by request)

bride viewers
on the day of the ceremony, guests usually arrive within a half hour window from the ceremony's scheduled start. those who arrive early can see the bride in full costume in a little viewing room near the main ceremony hall, though usually only the unmarried female attendees do so.

entering the banquet hall

viewing of the bride aside, the first task upon arriving is to submit the cash gift and receive in return a meal ticket. the meal is a buffet arrangement, prepared and set out before the first guests arrive, in a dining hall somewhere in the same building. the meal ticket grants the holder a single entry to the dining area, where guests have an opportunity to gorge themselves and mingle with others. this meal opportunity, the second task, is seen by many as the main reason for attending. it is important to point out here that the meal availability begins thirty minutes before the ceremony and ends two hours afterward, meaning the meal is concurrent with the ceremony itself. as such, the couple and other people key to the ceremony are not in attendance, and there is no toast or speech, and there are no planned activities aside from eating.

ceremony hall
once finished eating, guests are free to make their way back to the ceremony hall to watch the wedding proper. this third task is optional; immediate family can be expected to

be on time and to view the entire ceremony, while other contacts will arrive late and/or leave early. surprisingly, many people will leave promptly after completing the first and second tasks, bypassing the ceremony altogether and not having any contact with the couple. the social obligation to financially assist others at the start of a marriage is so strong that this behaviour is commonplace and socially acceptable.

couple bowing
the ceremony itself begins with the bride and groom walking down the aisle together, one behind the other, to the front where an elder somehow connected to the couple is standing. this person conducts the speeches and formalities of the ceremony, while another person off to the side plays the role of master of ceremonies. after the couple arrives at the front and the two bow to one another, the elder proceeds to talk for a time with the couple facing him (or perhaps her), their backs to the audience. this is the point at which most of those in attendance lose focus and begin chatting idly. once the elder is finished, the couple turns and bows to each pair of parents, who are given special seats at the front apart from the rest of the audience. this is followed by a rapid succession of cutting the wedding cake, drinking champagne and usually listening to a song sung by a friend.

streamer cannon shot striking couple; note the facial expressions

the presentation of the couple comes afterward, which involves them talking down the aisle while streamers are dropped or fired overhead. upon reaching the end of the aisle, they immediately turn around and walk straight back to the front for photos. for those in the audience that were considerate enough to remain, this is the end of their involvement in the wedding, with the exception of those in the friend or family circles that will be included in the group photos. photos proceed as one would expect, just with less variety and more focus on large group photos. the final photo is for friends and co-workers, and for this photo the wedding bouquet is thrown to a single female recipient, selected in advance. the throw is done with the bride partly turning to see the receiver and giving a light, underhand toss. if the catch fails, it is repeated until it succeeds. after the photos, the couple and parents quickly leave for a small ceremony that emulates the process of a traditional korean wedding. this ceremony only involves the couple's parents, siblings and the siblings' spouses. there is no time to socialize with the couple after the ceremony, no meal for everyone to eat together (since admission to the dining hall is done individually and guests do not necessarily eat at the same time), and no dancing or other mass socializing afterward; the reception as found in western weddings essentially does not exist here.

demonstrating the uncanny valley hypothesis in its original context (source)

uncanny valley
the first of the two strong sensations, that of the uncanny valley response, arises as a result of the many elements copied from western weddings with seemingly no regard for the purpose or origin of each particular aspect, giving a sense of empty ritual. a simple, self-contained example is the the bouquet-throwing etiquette described earlier. as opposed to the western approach of assigning superstitious significance to a random event (since the catcher is not known in advance), the korean practice is to take this superstition and make it a self-fulling prophecy by selecting a single recipient that has already made concrete wedding plans. in this sense, it is more akin to a passing of a torch, which seems to run counter to the playfulness of the western gesture. there are many more such examples, as i will now discuss.

the wedding cake

the wedding cake, often an ornate display with multiple layers staggered to improve visibility, can be discovered to be plastic when looked at closely. one small layer is an actual cake so the couple will have something to cut, and once cut it is promptly boxed and quietly passed off to a predetermined guest. keep in mind that this is not done in the context of a meal; at this point of the ceremony all of the guests have eaten already. in a western ceremony, the purpose of having a cake is to supply a dessert to the reception guest. the cake is the centre piece of the meal, and having the couple perform the first cut (of many) symbolizes the couple providing food and entertainment to the guests. the cut itself at the very least serves a minor practical function. the korean cutting symbolizes nothing and is without discernible purpose. the presentation of the couple also has elements that cause cognitive dissonance. in a western ceremony, after the presentation, the couple walks down the aisle, past the audience, as a means of physically leaving the wedding hall. the tradition of throwing rice or confetti is an addition that ceremonializes the act of exiting, but the exiting itself is the underlying purpose. a korean ceremony recreates the process of walking down an aisle, though instead of rice ribbons often are fired over or at the couple from trumpet-shaped cannons. the significance is lost because the couple unceremoniously returns to the front upon reaching the end of the aisle, meaning that they do not physically exit at that time. such an act would more logically be performed at the end when the couple actually intends to exist the hall. as well, conducting a ceremony with the importance of a wedding and immediately afterward having the participants pose for pictures at the same location where the ceremony took place devalues the venue and the ceremony itself. to illustrate, one cannot imagine having a professional photographer come to a hospital during a birth for a group photo of the new parents and the involved medical staff, nor would it be appropriate to do something similar for a funeral, baptism or bar mitzvah. where these

two ceremonies are performed in korea or in the west, group photos are not conducted, and group photo posing is not done during traditional korean weddings ceremonies either. there is also a noticeable absence of anything official. the elder at no point announces anything to the audience, nor are there any declarations from either member of the couple or rings as physical evidence of what has transpired. this is not to say that an exchange of rings is necessary, simply that there is no point during the ceremony after which one can clearly say that the couple went from being unmarried to being married, and in fact the ceremony is completely detached from the legal process of declaring and registering a marriage; one does not require the other. this causes one to wonder precisely what purpose is served by the wedding, especially since a traditional wedding ceremony is conducted after the 'western' one, as described earlier. the final dissonance causing factor is the complete lack of audience enthusiasm or participation. even close friends may loiter in the dining hall once they finish eating, not returning to the ceremony hall until the wedding is nearly completed. further, the mere notion of a guest troubling themselves to put on formal wear, travel to the venue and submit their cash gift only to turn and leave without viewing the ceremony or seeing the couple for even the briefest time gives an air of irrelevance to the entire proceedings. the ultimate question to ask here is what purpose the copied components serve. they certainly do not seem to have the purpose that a similar action might have in a western wedding, and this feeling of lacking function is palpable. the sense one has is that, in an effort to modernize korean weddings (to match the rapid modernization of the rest of the country), it was decided that a collection of actions from western wedding traditions would be loosely copied, and that if enough elements were recreated in some form, then collectively these elements would act to create a meaningful wedding, one appropriate for the new age korea was entering. unfortunately, the fact that copying western wedding elements does not a western wedding make was not realized, and far more importantly that westernization is not the same as modernization. there is a critical distinction to be made between the cultures and traditions of western countries, and the technology and societal progressions that happened to first arrive in western countries. analyzed in this manner, there seems to be another dimension to the discord aside from the uncanny valley phenomenon, one of an act that is an empty ritual begging for purpose, and that a more accurate replication of a western ceremony will not fill the emptiness. of course, no western elements are needed at all for the ceremony to have purpose, which is precisely the case for the traditional korean ceremony performed after the western one.

wedding hall exterior

wedding factory
to properly explain the feeling i described as being in a wedding factory, allow me to restate with more detail some elements mentioned earlier as well as a few items not yet discussed. but first, a description of a typical venue is in order before delving into the specific details. one common location for a ceremony is a conference or banquet hall in a hotel. most large hotels with conference facilities are also equipped for weddings, with a small room near the hall for the bride viewing and another room prepared for the traditional ceremony, the props and accessories typically required for the ceremonies, and most importantly a dining area a few steps away from the ceremony room that is capable of producing the standard buffet-style meal. the other common location, much more common than hotels in terms of the number of weddings performed, is a specialized facility that exists in korea called a 'wedding hall' ( - funny for those who can read korean). more than simply a hall, these facilities like the hotels - are fully prepared to perform all the functions usually requested for a wedding ceremony. most weddings occur during two short seasons, so these wedding halls open themselves to conferences during the off-season and the buffet restaurant is always open to patrons not attending the hall for other purposes. in an average wedding hall, the ceremony hall itself is full of what amounts to an amazing coalescence of some of the worst design aesthetics imaginable.

ceremony hall decorations

coloured lights line a raised platform in the centre, more like a fashion runway than a church aisle, bizarre background decoration choices abound, clearly plastic light fixtures posing as chandeliers hang from the ceiling, and spot lights project an ever-changing colour onto the guests and the entire room. the idea of conducting a life changing ritual in one of these rooms is laughable. the first aspects that produce the wedding factory sensation come about as a result of an almost complete lack of planning and preparation involvement on behalf of the couple. aside from the initial selection of a location and date, nearly all of the fine points are planned and executed by the staff of the venue, a service purchased by the couple as part of a wedding package. this includes production of wedding invitations, music choice, food choice, decorations and colour themes, procedure and events of the ceremony, photography, streamer throwing/firing, tending to the train of the bride's dress and the ushers. this is not a problem in itself, but generally the wedding hall defaults to a standard procedure and aesthetic which is close to identical for all the weddings performed. as commented earlier, the only part that seems different from wedding to wedding are the faces of the bride and groom, and without seeing either it is quite possible to reenter the incorrect ceremony hall unawares.

wedding hall staff

along with a lack of uniqueness, the other issue coming from planning done by a wedding hall is that most functions are performed by the hall's staff. these people bear witness to a very large number of weddings and their apathy can be clearly read in their faces and body language. more so, the staff are all quite young, lending an air of immaturity and brevity to the proceedings. this is comparable to having a teenage, pimply waiter with a cracking voice take your order at a high-class restaurant. significance demands professionalism and professionals. with the sole exceptions of flight attendants and fast food chain workers, i have yet to see any service industry employees as disaffected and disinterested as those present at wedding halls. i imagine all the positions have high turnover rates. a second component of the wedding factory feeling is the alarming speed at which the service progresses. to recapitulate, a standard ceremony includes the couple entering the hall, walking to the front and bowing to each other; the elder giving a lecture; the couple bowing to each set of parents; a friend or group of friends singing one song; the couple cutting the cake and drinking champagne; often, the groom being required by his friends to perform a display of physical strength; and finally the couple being presented, walking down the aisle together and returning to the front for pictures. all of this can be expected to take no more than twenty to thirty minutes, and most of this time is occupied by the elder's lecture. (a forty minute service (at a church or other venue) will cause the viewers to openly complain about the length, and many will leave part way through to visit the more entertaining buffet. i have yet to see a one hour ceremony, but i suspect the hall would be nearly empty upon its completion.) the photos take another ten to fifteen minutes, and everything is cleaned and returned to its default state in less than an hour, which is essential for the final element i will describe.

even guests that arrive early to view the bride, partake in the meal and view the entire ceremony, including the pictures, can expect to leave less than one hour after arriving. (curiously, the speed seems to match that of the courting process in many cases. one wedding i attended in may was for a couple that met in december, decided to marry in march and selected their wedding date in april.)

schedule board for the days weddings. there are four halls with two weddings each on this particular day. of the two weddings in the same hall, the second always starts one hour after the first.
the final element, the one that fully cements the analogy of a factory, is that a standard wedding hall has four individual halls within it, each able to service a wedding, and that during the peak seasons these buildings see eight weddings in one day, all within a span of three hours. i will graciously give the reader time to allow the implications of the preceding statement to be fully comprehended.

guests loitering outside ceremony hall

when attending a wedding in one of these venues, one can experience the strange feelings of seeing other brides and grooms parading about the premises or glancing into a room and seeing another ceremony in process. even in the immediate vicinity of the assigned hall, there are guests from the wedding that just took place or is about to take place in the same hall, meaning that there is a low chance, perhaps ten percent, that any random person is attending the same wedding as oneself. this has a strong effect exacerbating the atmosphere of unimportance already caused by guests chatting with each other, answering cell phones or leaving as a guest of another wedding certainly has no interest in being quiet or respectful when near the ceremony of an unknown couple. this disregard and inconsiderate behaviour is fully brought to bear in the dining area, as not knowing the others are also attempting to eat means social etiquette rules of waiting in line, not walking around a slower person, being considerate when returning serving utensils and such can be thrown by the wayside. little progress can be made in this situation without adopting an attitude of survival at all costs oneself. the hotels as well conduct multiple weddings in the same hall on the same day with only one hour between the beginnings of each, though the reduction of scale reduces the described effect somewhat. the speed, frequency, high similarity and staff ambivalence in the wedding halls, when experienced together, give rise to a feeling that one is witnessing an assembly line wedding in a veritable wedding factory. other venues exist as well, and an increase in formality can be immediately seen in weddings held in churches, but the scale of wedding halls and their popularity (due to simplicity, ease and price) mean that a large majority of weddings occur amidst the gaudy decoration of a wedding hall, and thus such a wedding can be labelled as 'typical' or 'standard'. the connotation of the above could be perceived as negative, but - while this would not be in error - the reason for this tone is likely different from what the reader is anticipating. the issue here is not that western-style weddings are being done 'incorrectly', or that elements have been adjusted or removed during cultural translation, as changes or differences have perfectly reasonable explanations. rather, the issue i take is that the ceremonies are ultimately meaningless, empty rituals performed without grand purpose, as judged by the utter lack of interest or enthusiasm in the guests and the disregard with which they treat the proceedings. any significant ceremony has an air of importance to it that can be immediately seen in the respectfulness of the attendees, and an insignificant ceremony has the opposite. the funerals i have seen in korea all fall into the former category. no one needs to be told that something important is taking place as the atmosphere can be immediately felt by those watching. weddings, on the other hand, at first glance feel more like a mock ceremony, and in some cases a viewer without prior knowledge or explanation would be unsure of whether they are watching a real ceremony or an elaborate joke of some type. this surreal atmosphere, in tandem with the wedding factory elements, creates the uncanny valley response, that strong feeling of superficiality and discord that is initially difficult to describe.

suggestions for meaningful weddings

i know that i am not without peers - in both the ex-patriot and korean communities - in my feeling that a standard korean wedding feels either strange or ultimately forgettable, so i shall here dispense advice for my korean acquaintances who wish to make their future weddings more meaningful.

plan everything yourself. avoid preplanned package deals and give every detail personal attention, ensuring that it is precisely what you want it to be. this will be a lot of work, so plan your wedding well in advance. (six months to a year is standard for a western wedding, unless someone is pregnant.) more personal planning will result in a more personal, unique experience for all involved. writing your own vows is a nice touch. as a follow-up to the point above: select a non-standard venue. a wedding hall is the worst, most impersonal choice possible, and a hotel is the next. breaking from tradition in venue will immediately indicate to your guests that yours will be a different type of ceremony from what they are accustomed to attending. an outside ceremony at a park or in a filed would be unique, but there are many other suitable options as well. remove the obligation and even possibility of cash gifts. part of the current problem is that invited guests feel obligated to give cash, and in turn they feel obligated to attend even if they have no particular interest in you or your wedding. these are precisely the people who leave after five minutes for the meal venue. you want all of the guests in attendance to be there out of genuine interest, not social obligation. this means bearing the cost of the wedding yourself, but clever planning in terms of venue selection and requests for assistance as a replacement for cash gifts can mitigate costs. give the ceremony purpose by somehow involving the legal aspect. having a ceremony that actually accomplishes something will do much to set the overall tone. completely avoid overlap with other weddings or ceremonies. your wedding should be the only significant event happening in your chosen location on your chosen day. essentially, there should be no one present or nearby that you do not know. privacy is key. having a small wedding makes this easier, and assigning necessary roles for the day such as giving directions, taking photos or food preparation to those already planning to be in attendance will help you achieve this end. remember that the ceremony is as much for the sake of the audience as it is for you, and that they need to be considered in every part of the planning. involve them. to this end: face each other or the audience during the ceremony. never stand with your backs to your guests. the speaker conducting the ceremony should be speaking to the audience as much as that person is speaking to you. make sure the audience can hear everything that is being said. have the meal after the ceremony, and eat together with the guests. this means the guests will have no reason to skip the ceremony, and it will give you an opportunity to speak with them. personally thank all of them for coming and sharing the occasion with you. plan some light entertainment, such as story telling, speeches, music, etc. to take place during the meal. rehearse the ceremony. this way you will know exactly what will happen and what everyone will say. you want to prevent those long, boring speeches the speakers tend to give. ask guests to state in advance their intentions of attending or not attending, and handle your invitations with precision. posting a wedding invitation on a bulletin board at work is an excellent way to attract people whose faces you don't recognize or names you can't remember. if your connection with them is this weak, they should not be in attendance. don't be afraid to break tradition. in short, there is no real tradition to westernstyle korean weddings, just a collection of elements that have been mindlessly copied for the next person. as well, the most memorable western weddings i have seen are the ones that broke from tradition in some way just for the sake of being unique.

afterword

i plan to continue to attend weddings here to fully test the views i have put forth above, but i think i can only stomach one more assembly line wedding before i give up on them completely. i will continue to advocate breaking from the established patterns as much as possible whenever i hear that someone i know is planning a wedding.