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Inside Voices

Pilot Chris Carmona

WGA # 1618206 Chris.a.carmona@gmail.com

ACT ONE OPEN ON: BLACK. SILENCE. THEN: Screen stays BLACK as

NICKY MINAJS SUPERHOE BLASTS.

INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) What is this shit? Wake up, Marcus! WAKE! UP! INT. MARCUS SISTERS PLACE - GUEST ROOM - MORNING

MARCUS POV: EYES OPEN - A GIRL, 18 (hopefully) comes into FOCUS as HANDS WIPE his sights morning BLUR. She wears his shirt. The room is cluttered with boxes. Music still BLARES.

GIRL Hes alive! (grabs his morning wood) Yeah he is! INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Does she still have baby teeth? MARCUS (groggy) That music. Cue an acutely ANNOYING VERSE. The girl lip synchs.

INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) I guess its on par with having to actually talk to her. MARCUS Please stop doing that. Just...turn it down at least. She smiles, lunging at us (Marcus) tongue-first. pulls back, expression suddenly grave. GIRL Whats my name? (beat; smiles) Just kidding. She pulls off her shirt just as the door SWINGS OPEN. GLENDA, 34, Marcus industrious, type-A sister, barges in. She then

2. GLENDA Will you turn that shit OFF? (spots the girl) Oh, Jesus. Marcus, cmon! GIRL (not covering up) Do you mind? INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Here we go. Glenda scoffs, inhales: GLENDA Do I mind hearing this shit from my guest room, which my brother squats in rent-free, while I get ready for a job that will allow me to pay this mortgage? Yes, I mind. Marcus casually pushes the girl away and turns OFF the music. GIRL You live with your sister? GLENDA Can you take this girl back to daycare, Marcus? (to girl) He lives with me! I own that bed! As Glenda points fiercely, the girl BURSTS OUT laughing and points back. SCAN DOWN to: A USED CONDOM clinging to the hem of Glendas skirt. Oh, balls. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.)

Glenda, speechless with rage, shakes her leg, but the condom wont budge. Marcus hurries over and removes the used condom from his sisters skirt. A stain remains. GLENDA THATS IT! YOU'RE OUT! NOW! TAKE YOUR MFA AND YOUR POETRY AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! MARCUS Where would I go, Glenda? I cant go to Dads!

3. GLENDA Craigslist. Dot. MARCUS Craigslist? GLENDA You're not too good for craigslist! MARCUS Weve never used craigslist! INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Ive used craigslist alright. GLENDA I don't have to use craigslist because I wake up every morning and sit at a desk! I've earned the right to be privately miserable! Time to grow up, Marcus. You're lazy, messy, irresponsible, you have no sense of reality-While still listing his shortcomings... INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) This is doing wonders for my morale. GLENDA --and you litter my home with stupid girls! (to girl) Im sorry, but its true. Youre probably stupid. (to Marcus) I want you out of here! Today! Glenda marches out, SLAMMING the door behind her. turns to Marcus. GIRL (confused) You used a condom? CUT TO: INT. HUGHS HOUSE - OFFICE - MORNING A cursor blinks as The girl

Com!

A COMPUTER MONITOR routed to CRAIGSLIST. hands hover over a keyboard.

4. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Male, early 30s, seeking roommate. On HUGH, (30s, doughy), frowning. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) What a profoundly depressing five words. A broke financial analyst. Like a slutty virgin. You pathetic anomaly. On COMPUTER: Hugh has typed: Male, early 30s, seeking roommate like a slutty virgin. Deletes: like a slutty virgin. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) How do I ask for a polite roommate who will stay invisible? Writes: works long hours. Likes to keep a neat, quiet home.

INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Should I let them know about the gambling, or will that attract some lucky pariah to finish me off? Writes: Rent split $1500. One months rent deposit upon rental agreement. MUST HAVE GOOD CREDIT! :) INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) An emoticon, Hugh? Deletes: :) INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Oh, who cares? At this point, you just need someone clean, quiet, and grounded. No hipster giving you the pity stare because you eat Velveeta on Fridays and DVR the World Series of Poker. Its still my condo, goddamnit. He ROCKS his fist in support of himself, then clicks POST. He minimizes the screen. An ONLINE POKER game appears. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Twenty minutes until work. Ill only spend the money Id waste on an expensive breakfast. CUT TO:

5. INT. EAGLEROCK DINER - BOOTH - BRUNCH TIME Marcus closes it: ANNA KARENINA. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) This thing is dreadful. (flips to back page) 808 pages? Oh, fuck off! The WAITRESS arrives. The right age. Would be cute if she could afford braces. She brings TOAST. He starts trying to open the miniature jam jar. WAITRESS Have you decided? Marcus looks like he just remembered he was supposed to order. Puts down the jam. MARCUS Ill have the... (opens and closes menu) ...eggs...breakfast. Yes. WAITRESS How would you like them cooked? MARCUS ...Benedict. WAITRESS (laughs) Okay. Eggs Benedict. Marcus resumes struggling with the jam. MARCUS Do you have any strawberry preservatives that are ajar? WAITRESS (chuckles at pun) Let me... (takes it; POPS open) There we are. (winking) Ill be right back with your eggs cooked Benedict. MARCUS (removes iPad) Before you go. Wifi password?

A BOOK.

6. WAITRESS Oh, we dont have wifi. This time, Marcus chuckles. He waits for it; it doesnt come. She DEPARTS. Marcus takes out his phone. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Alright. Lets do it. (beat) Here we are. Looks good. $1500. I can afford that. Got my savings. Thatll tie me over until my book of poetry is finally published. (bites into toast) Available...immediately! Oh man! (scrambles) Email him, dummy! What should I say? Would it be intimidating to talk about my art? Maybe Ill stay casual, but attach a link of my work. God, I hope hes cultured. CUT TO: INT. ORACLE MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS - CUBICLE - DAY

COMPUTER on WEIRD NEWS from THE HUFFINGTON POST INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Okay, Chinese guy story it is. Hugh stands, heads to the BREAK ROOM Where NADINE, 20s, the office cutie, stands near a vending machine, laughing at whatever ANDREW, 30s, preppy and confident, just said. ANDREW The video made me feel bad about getting shut eye on the job! Hugh LAUGHS, pretends hes privy to the whole interaction. HUGH Oh, man. You guys hear about this guy in China? Pulled a car with his eyelids! NADINE Thats what Andrew was just talking about. What you just laughed at.

7. HUGH Right! No, I know! Right! And here we are chugging coffee because our eyelids are too heavy! NADINE (looking at Andrew) Right. Like Andrew just said. ANDREW (shrugs) Great minds...If we can synch up, well take the act on the road. Nadine giggles. Hugh glances at Andrew, nods.

INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) You saw my computer, you snake. Okay, focus! Dont abort the mission. HUGH (to Nadine) Got that big presentation Friday. Stress who? Hugh laughs nervously. Nadine nods.

HUGH I could really use a sounding board. (beat; she doesnt bite) We could make it casual. Have a beer. At a bar, or...my...couch? Might accidentally have fun! Hugh again laughs nervously. Nadine looks uncomfortable.

NADINE Im sure youve got it all buttoned up. Youre great at that stuff. HUGH Im really not! Im having trouble adding Mays expenses into the profit margin. Could get prickly! NADINE ...I dont feel qualified, Hugh. (looks to Andrew) Maybe Andrew can help! Hugh turns to Andrew, whos on his blackberry. scurries off. Nadine

8. ANDREW Anything for the team, buddy. Whats that you were saying? INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) I want to staple your face. Nothing. HUGH I just...need a stapler.

Andrew looks up, confused, then glances at something BEHIND Hugh and hurries to leave. ANDREW Ill fetch one! Hugh turns to spot his boss, PAULA (40s), athletic, pushy, clearly has a thing for submissive men, such as Hugh. PAULA Oh, the HUGHmanity! INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Oh, good. The puns again. This usually follows with-PAULA (all business) So youve got your presentation with the Executive team on Wednesday. Its a big one. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) --the ass riding. PAULA I know you could phone it in and do well; I want you to do amazing. So I solicit my help. If you need it. Off the clock. Paula overtly looks Hugh up and down. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) She thinks Im incompetent! HUGH Thanks, Paula. Ive been doing these for about six years, so... INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) And youve been here six months, Ms. MBA. (MORE) Wink Wink.

9. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) (CONT'D) And Im the only one you ride! Because Im weak and you can smell it! PAULA Well, the offer stands. Anytime. Anywhere. Just buzz me and Ill buzz right over. She makes a BUZZ noise, winks. Hugh turns to leave.

INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) I dont know why she hates me. CUT TO: EXT/INT. CHARLENES CONDO - DAY

Marcus pulls a KEY from under a POTTED PLANT. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) (rehearsing) Charlene, youre great, but I cant move in. I need creative space; Marcus space. God, I hope she doesnt cry. MARCUS Hello! Charlene? From the ENTRANCE, Marcus hears a commotion in the BEDROOM. He opens the door and enters the BEDROOM CHARLENE, 21, pretty and naked, leaps up from bed and wraps herself in a blanket. A MAN, 20s and also naked, sits up. CHARLENE Marcus! You didnt text! Whoops. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.)

MARCUS Oh, I didnt know youd have-CHARLENE (shocked; scrambling) Marcus listen. Marcus, please. Dont freak out! Werther and I--

10. MARCUS Werther? (to Werther) Like the candy? CHARLENE (frantic) Marcus, this is not Werthers fault. Dont blame him! Please, just, lets just be adults. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Why is she...Is she about to cry? Charlene starts to cry. CHARLENE Marcus, I didnt want this to... As Charlene PRATTLES: INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Oh, Jesus. I store crap here and now she thinks were in some sort of relationship. Now I gotta: MARCUS (screaming) I cant believe you! I cant believe I trusted you! How, how could you betray my trust! My trust, Charlene! INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Is that over the top? Marcus pauses, surveys their reaction. Werthers eyebrows are raised. He looks alarmed. Charlene is now fully sobbing. CHARLENE (crying) Marcus, Im sorry! Im sorry! I didnt mean to hurt you! Marcus paces back and forth, playing distraught as: INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Guess I gotta move my crap now, after this hoorah. Another chore. (looks at her) Unless...

11. MARCUS Well, I guess I have to pack everything up. CHARLENE Ill help! And, and Ill give you back your shirts. All of them. You can just...go eat! I have some of that turkey pastrami in the fridge. Beat. MARCUS And that jewelry I gave you! INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Glenda will want that back anyway. CHARLENE You can have it all back! Ill pack it all! Everything! She rifles through her jewelry case. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) This is fantastic! MARCUS And the television! CHARLENE (pauses) But you didnt get me that. MARCUS But Id planned to get you one! And now, just seeing it... (beat; shes skeptical) My trust! CUT TO: EXT. CHARLENES DRIVEWAY - SOONAFTER

He carries a box in one hand, the TELEVISION in the other. He suddenly STOPS. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Her panini maker! (thinks; resumes walking) Fuck it. Youre better than that. CUT TO:

12. INT. ORACLE MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS - CUBICLE - DAY

Hugh CLICKS on his computer screen. BANKING STATEMENT IS RED: OVERDRAWN. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Its official. Im bust. And... (clicks) Three people have responded for the apartment. What is this? A link? Its probably a video of two men going apeshit on each others genitals. No top, no bottom. Just chaos. Hugh CLICKS. ON the VIDEO: Marcus, hair slightly longer, stands in front of a coffee shop audience. MARCUS (MONITOR) This is called, Fart. (opens page; reads) I will not have your / Fake Art / Your stu-di-oh my god, this again / I am a man-sion of thought / I am a man / I am what I make / Are you? OFFICE Computers volume is LOUD. Hugh lowers speakers, presses buttons, but it still BLARES Marcus POETRY SLAM. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Fucking PCs! Sound! Show me sound! People turn, curious. Paula hurries over. her lead. A small crowd gathers to watch. humiliated. He gives up. Lets it play. Everyone follows Hugh is

MARCUS (MONITOR) Can you say that your things have much thought / Or do you defer / to your fart? / Your fart stinks. Idiots at the coffeee shop CLAP. Marcus bows very, very low and, right before the clip ends, flashes a peace sign. OFFICE True, from the belly LAUGHTER.

13. PAULA Youre forwarding me that. hilarious. They pat Hugh on the back. in on the gag. INT.

That is

He nods, smiles, pretends he was

HUGHS HOUSE - ENTRANCE - LATE DAY

Hugh shakes hands with a PROSPECTIVE RENTER as he guides him out. CLOSES the door behind him. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Seems like a sound roommate. long hours. Steady income. discernible odors. Shame he to haggle on rent, but other that... KNOCK KNOCK on door. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Another one? My cheeks hurt. Hugh OPENS the door to: Marcus. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Oh my God...the poet! HUGH Hi...did we schedule? MARCUS Yes. Well, no. But I shot you an email. I'm looking for a spot pretty much immediately. Place sounds stupendous. TURN TO: MARCUS POV Though speechless, Hugh steps aside so Marcus can enter. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Hes playing it cool. He knows youre eager. Play it cooler. Marcus gets maybe three steps, nods. Yeah. MARCUS Cool. Guess Ill take it. Works No tried than

INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) Always be closing. Thank you, David Mamet.

14. He pronounces Mamet ma-may. Okay. HUGH Well I, um, I cant--

BACK TO: HUGHS POV MARCUS So you said it's $1500 rent and one month's deposit, so that's $3,000? HUGH No, the total rent is $1500 so-But Marcus has already taken out a wad of cash. thumbing through HUNDREDS. Looks up absently. HUGH (CONTD) ...Nothing. INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Am I actually doing this? (takes the money) Im definitely doing this. HUGH (pockets money; smiles) When should I expect the move? MARCUS (exiting) Three...two...one. Marcus opens the front door, reveals two bags hed already brought. He carries them inside. Hughs hand withdraws his CELL PHONE. He places a call. He begins

INSIDE HUGH (V.O.) Im taking money from a complete moron. Should I do this? I shouldnt do this. HUGH Steve! Cards tonight? My place. Real stakes. Fuck. MARCUS POV: INSIDE HUGH (V.O.)

15. INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) You're a shark, Edwards. If you weren't so goddamn gifted you'd make a helluva salesman. Marcus waves to Hugh. Hugh waves back, still on the phone.

INSIDE MARCUS (V.O.) (CONTD) I hope hes not trying to fuck me. END OF ACT ONE