Cher, po

By Michael L. Tan Philippine Daily Inquirer 12:15 am | Friday, June 14th, 2013 The toughest part about being an anthropologist is keeping pace with rapidly changing social norms, in particular, our system of salutations (e.g., Mr., Miss) and terms of respect. The idea for todays column was sparked by one of my kids asking if po means please. I said no, its just a way of expressing respect, and that its paki thats more like please. Then another question: My teacher says we shouldnt mix our English and Tagalog, so is it wrong to say, Yes, po? That question stumped me for a few seconds but I finally answered: No, po, you can say yes, po. By using po with my child, something unthinkable in the past, I was also teaching him that respect is not just a matter of age, or of rank, but also of respecting each others views, if not re specting the person. For example, when a parent is very busy and children are persistent about wanting to talk, we finally turn to them and say, exasperated but also apologetic, Po? Po then is a way of saying I hear you and I will get to you shortly, and its important for both parents and children, and teachers and students, to use that, whether conversing in English or Tagalog (or, Id like to suggest, Cebuano and other languages without a po). Notice how much of a difference po makes compared to yeah? or ha? or even a protesting ano? or what? Now heres a twist to it: Ive caught quite a few household helpers who acknowledge their employers requests or calls with yes? rather than po? I asked one helper why, and she said that was the way she was trained by a previous employer, an upper-class Filipino woman, and somehow it rubbed off on her. Mas maganda ang tunog (It sounds better), she said. How do these terms change? Do household helpers meet on a Sunday and decide on the terms? Im sure there was no formal convention to ratify this practice, but word does spread and, yes, po, English is a prestige language, so yes? can dislodge po? in some situations. Sir, Mam Lets shift to forms of salutation now. We have our now world-famous Sir Mike and Mam Mary terms. I say world-famous because non-Filipinos are always amused by this practice, with a Dutch friend recently asking me when I was knighted and by whom, after hearing me being called Sir Mike and Sir Tan by my students. Younger Filipinos think this is an age-old practice. It is not. I cant place an exact date but am quite certain we werent using this in the 1970s or in the early 1980s. Before that, it was Sir and Maam, if not Mr. Tan and Miss Cruz or Mrs. Cruz. Sir and Mam are anchors, somewhat like the po, establishing a sense of respect, but with less rigidity; in fact, this practice allows several degrees of formality. Sir Tan suggests more formality and distance than Sir Michael, which in turn is more formal than Sir Mike. There are some people who just dont like this practice for various reasons: one Mam Mary told me it makes her feel like Mama Mary (the Virgin Mary, and notice, too, that Mama Mary is a way of narrowing social distance when praying). Others, usually older people, are offended by the informality. People involved in HR (human relations) training should point out the dangers of using this system of Sir and Mam especially when combined with a nickname. Some years back a bank employee once called my parents home asking for Mam Apol and was curtly told wrong number. She tried several times to get through, unsuccessfully, until she used the formal complete name, which was Mrs. Apolonia Tan. Her mistake, too, was using Apolshe had created a nickname on her own, which slightly

irritated my mother, who in the first place never uses Apol. To nearly all of her friends, shes Nieves, but thats for another column on names, nicknames and aliases. To complicate matters even more, we have this practice of adding titles like Engineer, Architect, or Doctor to our names. This is not uniquely Filipino; in fact, I think we probably got this from the Spaniards and then went overboard with it. These days, even nurses want their profession used, as a title, with my nurse-friends arguing that it gives them a certain identity, and respect. We struggle between formality and congeniality. So while we like titles, we still end up abbreviating them to make them sound less formal. Professor becomes Prof, Doctor becomes Doc, Congressman becomes Cong, Undersecretary is Usec, and Assistant Secretary is Asec,all combined with a nickname. There are more and more variations now around these salutations. I get correspondence from my kids schools addressed to me as Daddy Mike, and signed Teacher Rose, for example, but Mam Cher or Cher Rose is how my son will talk about her, cher being short for teacher. Worried about the informality of cher, I have to remind my son: Cher, po. The cher phenomenon shows how a practice may first be confined to a subculture, in this case my sons school, which is famous (or notorious) for using that cher title. My daughters schools dont seem to be using it. Readers may tell me if this practice is spreading to other schools. UP Diliman vs UP Manila Talking about subcultures, at the University of the Philippines Diliman, we call utilities people Ate and Kuya, Manong and Manang, but in UP Manila, everyone calls each other Sir and Mam (no first names or surnames). Even a dean will call the janitor Sir. It was Dr. Anthony Cordero, whos working on a degree in medical anthropology, who first pointed this out to me (and proved to me he is becoming an anthropologist). After Doc Ants (thats Anthony) pointed out the UP Manila phenomenon, I began noticing clerks and other personnel in stores calling each other Sir and Mam. I first thought they were using the salutations for managers, but no, everyone is a Sir or Mam. When I asked one clerk if they still use Kuya and Ate for each other, she smiled and answered no, then quickly changed her answer as she looked at my kids and explained that they do call the customers kids Kuya and Ate, to make the kids feel important. I think its a charming practice to prepare older kids for a new sibling by telling them: Youre going to be Kuya (or Ate) now. (Ethnic Chinese will use Ahia or Achi.) These older kids take it all seriously, anticipating the new sioti (younger brother) or siobe (younger sister) by helping their pregnant mothers. After the baby arrives, they do have that Kuya and Ate flair and confidence, and Im convinced this helps to reduce sibling rivalry. The salutations can be chaotic, but they reflect how those terms are flexibly functional, adapting to changing times and needs. ***

This article I have chosen sums up the 3 vital aspects of culture, language, norms and values. The word that caught my attention was po, I remember that our professor discussed about the use po and opo in one of our topics for the monthly period in Socio-Anthro. First, language according to the article is evolving and different people use words differently. Some race or in some parts of the Philippines doesnt use po and opo in their everyday language, but they still use phrases or words for respect.