Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Proverbs A - L
Proverbs M - Z
Brain Candy
Chicago
Design Web
Garden
Trivia
TC
our bookshelf
Great Links
The Pet Blog
sponsor ad
Highest quality pet supplies at wholesale prices:
i-pets.com
Top of Form
Search Now:
blended braincandy0f
Bottom of Form
0 PP-DonationsBF
Bottom of Form
Proverbs A - L
Proverbs M - Z
PROVERBS M-Z
Mad as a march hare.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Make hay while the sun shines.
English Proverb
Mankind fears an evil man but heaven does not.
Chinese Proverb
Many a friend was lost through a joke, but none was ever gained so.
Czech Proverb
Many hands make light work.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
May as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.
English Proverb
May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the
hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.
Traditional Irish Curse
May the grass grow at your door and the fox build his nest on your hearthstone.
May the light fade from your eyes, so you never see what you love.
May your own blood rise against you, and the sweetest drink you take be the bitterest cup of
sorrow.
May you die without benefit of clergy;
May there be none to shed a tear at your grave, and may the hearthstone of hell be your best bed
forever.
Traditional Wexford Curse
May you have a bright future - as the chimney sweep said to his son.
Irish Proverb
May you wander over the face of the earth forever, never sleep twice in the same bed, never
drink water twice from the same well, and never cross the same river twice in a year.
Traditional Gypsy Curse
May your every wish be granted.
Ancient Chinese Curse
May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket.
Traditional Arab Curse
Men count up the faults of those who keep them waiting.
French Proverb
Mere words do not feed the friars.
Irish Proverb
More grows in the garden than the gardener knows he has sown.
Spanish Proverb
More things belong to marriage than four bare legs in a bed.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Nature breaks through the eyes of the cat.
Irish Proverb
Necessity is the mother of invention.
Irish Proverb
Necessity knows no law.
Irish Proverb
Necessity never made a good bargain.
North American Proverb
Need teaches a plan.
Irish Proverb
Never cut what can be untied.
Portuguese Proverb
Never love with all your heart, it only ends in breaking.
English Proverb
Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper.
Scottish Proverb
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done today.
English Proverb
Night is the mother of council.
Latin Proverb
No man limps because another is hurt.
Danish Proverb
No man ought to look a given horse in the mouth.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
No rose without a thorn, or a love without a rival.
Turkish Proverb
No time like the present.
English Proverb
Not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow.
Chinese Proverb
Not wine...men intoxicate themselves; Not vice...men entice themselves.
Chinese Proverb
Nothing dries sooner than tears.
Latin Proverb
Nothing is as burdensome as a secret.
French Proverb
Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
One beggar at the door is enough.
French Proverb
One cannot shoe a running horse.
Dutch Proverb
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
English Proverb (17th century)
One flower will not make a garland.
French Proverb
One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade.
Chinese Proverb
One good turn deserves another.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
One joy scatters a hundred griefs.
Chinese Proverb
One of these day is none of these days.
English Proverb
One should go invited to a friend in good fortune, and uninvited in misfortune.
Swedish Proverb
One swallow maketh not a summer.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
One woman never praises another.
Estonian Proverb
Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches
English Proverb
Out of the frying pan into the fire.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet.
French Proverb
Patience is poultice for all wounds.
Irish Proverb
Patience is the best medicine.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
People live in each other's shelter.
Irish Proverb
Pigs might fly, but they are most unlikely birds.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
Politics is a rotten egg; if broken, it stinks.
Russian proverb
Poor men seek meat for their stomach, rich men stomach for their meat.
English Proverb
Power lasts ten years; influence not more than a hundred.
Korean Proverb
Practice makes perfect.
English Proverb
Praise the young and they will blossom
Irish Proverb
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.
Bible - Proverbs 16:18
Procrastination is the thief of time.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
Public before private and country before family.
Chinese Proverb
Put silk on a goat, and it's still a goat.
Irish Proverb
Quiet people are well able to look after themselves.
Irish Proverb
Rags to riches to rags.
Lancastrian Proverb
Rain beats a leopard's skin, but it does not wash off the spots.
Ashanti Proverb
Rats desert a sinking ship.
French Proverb
Riches run after the rich, and poverty runs after the poor.
French Proverb
Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth.
Dutch Proverb
Rome was not built in a day.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
English Proverb
Seek counsel of him who makes you weep, and not of him who makes you laugh.
Arabic Proverb
Set a beggar on horseback, and he 'll out ride the Devil.
German Proverb
Set a thief to catch a thief.
English Proverb
Silence was never written down.
Italian Proverb
Since we cannot get what we like, let us like what we can get.
Spanish Proverb
Sit a beggar at your table and he will soon put his feet on it.
Russian Proverb
Six hours' sleep for a man, seven for a woman and eight for a fool.
English Proverb
Small children give you headache; big children heartache.
Russian Proverb
Some people are masters of money, and some its slaves.
Russian Proverb
Sometimes I go about pitying myself, and all the time
I am being carried on great wings across the sky.
Ojibway Saying
Sorrow for a husband is like a pain in the elbow, sharp and short.
English Proverb
Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them.
English Proverb (17th century)
Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
Slovenian Proverb
Stars are not seen by sunshine.
Spanish Proverb
Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.
Bible - Proverbs 9:17.
Sweet is the wine but sour is the payment.
Irish Proverb
Take heed of enemies reconciled, and of meat twice boiled.
English Proverb.
Take thy thoughts to bed with thee, for the morning is wiser than the evening.
Russian Proverb
Talk of the devil and he is sure to appear.
English Proverb
Tell me who you live with and I will tell you who you are.
Spanish Proverb
Tell the truth and shame the devil.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
Chinese Proverb
The best advice is found on the pillow.
Danish Proverb
The best thing about a man is his dog.
French Proverb
The big thieves hang the little ones.
Czech proverb
The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I'll walk carefully.
Russian proverb
The comforter's head never aches.
Italian Proverb
The darkest hour is that before the dawn.
English Proverb
The day will come when the cow will have use for her tail.
Irish Proverb
The devil looks after his own.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
The devil seduced Eve in Italian. Eve mislead Adam in Bohemian. The Lord scolded them both
in German. Then the angel drove them from paradise in Hungarian.
Traditional Polish Saying
The fat is in the fire.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
Chinese Proverb
The girl who can't dance says the band can't play.
Yiddish Proverb
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
The great thieves lead away the little thieves.
French Proverb
The green new broom sweepeth clean.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The hole is more honorable than the patch.
Irish Proverb
The hours of folly are measured by the clock, but of wisdom no clock can measure.
William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law.
Yiddish Proverb
The jay bird don't rob his own nest.
West Indies Proverb
The light heart lives long.
Irish Proverb
The man who does not love a horse cannot love a woman.
Spanish Proverb
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
Chinese Proverb
The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot.
Irish Proverb
The mills of God grind slowly but they grind finely.
Irish Proverb
The moon is made of a green cheese.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The more the merrier.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The morning is wiser than the evening.
Russian Proverb
The nail that sticks up will be hammered down.
Japanese Proverb
The night rinses what the day has soaped.
Swiss Proverb
The only good thing that comes from the east is the sun.
Traditional Portuguese Saying
The palest ink is better than the best memory.
Chinese proverb
The pine stays green in winter...Wisdom in hardship.
Chinese Proverb
The raggy colt often made a powerful horse.
Irish Proverb
The reverse side also has a reverse side.
Japanese proverb
The right man comes at the right time.
Italian Proverb
The road to a friend's house is never long.
Danish proverb
The Russian knows the way, yet he asks for directions.
Traditional German Saying
The sea has an enormous thirst and an insatiable appetite.
French Proverb
The silent dog is the first to bite.
German Proverb
The smallest thing outlives the human being.
Irish Proverb
The Spaniard is a bad servant but a worse master.
Traditional English Saying
The sun will set without thy assistance.
Hebrew Proverb
The surest way to remain poor is to be an honest man.
French Proverb
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the scythe.
Russian proverb
The tide tarrieth for no man.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The tongue is more to be feared than the sword.
Japanese Proverb
The tongue like a sharp knife...Kills without drawing blood.
Chinese Proverb
The truth is not always what we want to hear.
Yiddish Proverb
The turtle lays thousands of eggs without anyone knowing, but when the hen lays an egg, the
whole country is informed.
Malay Proverb
The wearer best knows where the shoe pinches.
Irish Proverb
The well fed does not understand the lean.
Irish Proverb
The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.
Arabian Proverb
The wise adapt themselves to circumstances, as water molds itself to the pitcher.
Chinese Proverb
The wise man sits on the hole in his carpet.
Persian Proverb
The wolf loses his teeth, but not his inclinations.
Spanish Proverb
The work praises the man.
Irish Proverb
The world is a rose: smell it and pass it on to your friends.
Persian Proverb
The world would not make a racehorse of a donkey
Irish Proverb
There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same.
Chinese Proverb
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
French Proverb
There are only two types of Chinese -- those who give bribes and those who take them.
Russian Proverb
There are two great pleasures in gambling: that of winning and that of losing.
French Proverb.
There is but one good mother-in-law and she is dead.
English Proverb
There is honor even among thieves.
English Proverb
There is hope from the sea, but none from the grave.
Irish Proverb
There is no fireside like your own fireside
Irish Proverb
There is no luck except where there is discipline.
Irish Proverb
There is no need like the lack of a friend.
Irish Proverb
There is no strength without unity.
Irish Proverb
There is plenty of sound in an empty barrel.
Russian Proverb
There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip.
Greek Proverb
They who love most are least valued.
English Proverb
Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.
William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)
Think with the wise but walk with the vulgar.
German Proverb
Thirst is the end of drinking and sorrow is the end of drunkenness.
Irish Proverb
Though a tree grow ever so high, the falling leaves return to the ground.
Malay Proverb
Three diseases without shame: Love, itch and thirst.
Irish Proverb
Three Spaniards, four opinions.
Spanish Proverb
Time is a great story teller.
Irish Proverb
Time trieth truth.
English Proverb
To be rich is not everything, but it certainly helps.
Yiddish Proverb
To deny all, is to confess all.
Spanish Proverb
To leave is to die a little.
French Proverb
To lend is to buy a quarrel.
Indian Proverb
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
English Proverb (18th century)
To teach is to learn.
Japanese Proverb
To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation.
Latin Proverb
To whom you tell your secrets, to him you resign your liberty.
Spanish Proverb
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
North American Saying
Tomorrow is a new day.
English Proverb
Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.
Spanish Proverb
Tomorrow never comes.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
Trouble rides a fast horse.
Italian Proverb
True nobility is in being superior to your previous self.
Hindustani Proverb
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
Old Muslim Proverb
Truth and oil always come to the surface.
Spanish Proverb
Truth has a handsome countenance but torn garments.
German Proverb
Truth is the safest lie.
Jewish Proverb
Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed.
Bible - Proverbs 12:19
Truth will be out.
Latin Proverb
Two heads are better than one.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Two shorten the road.
Irish Proverb
Two thirds of the work is the semblance.
Irish Proverb
Unless you enter the tiger's den you cannot take the cubs.
Japanese Proverb
Visit your aunt, but not every day of the year.
Spanish Proverb
Walk straight, my son - as the old crab said to the young crab.
Irish Proverb
Want a thing long enough and you don't
Chinese Proverb
War is death's feast.
George Herbert "Outlandish Proverbs"
Water for oxen, wine for kings.
Spanish Proverb
We'll never know the worth of water till the well go dry.
Scottish Proverb
Went in one ear and out the other.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
What belongs to everybody belongs to nobody.
Spanish Proverb
What breaks in a moment may take years to mend.
Swedish proverb
What one knows it is sometimes useful to forget.
Latin Proverb
What you can not avoid, welcome.
Chinese Proverb
When a father helps a son, both smile; but when a son must help his father, both cry.
Jewish Proverb
When a twig grows hard it is difficult to twist it. Every beginning is weak.
Irish Proverb
When fire is applied to a stone it cracks.
Irish Proverb
When fortune knocks upon the door open it widely.
Spanish Proverb
When ill luck falls asleep, let none wake her.
Italian Proverb
When its time has arrived, the prey becomes the hunter.
Persian Proverb
When one dog barks another will join it.
Latin Proverb
When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.
Ethiopian proverb
When the apple is ripe it will fall.
Irish Proverb
When the drop (drink) is inside, the sense is outside.
Irish Proverb
When the iron is hot, strike.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
When the liquor was gone the fun was gone.
Irish Proverb
When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby.
Nigerian Proverb
When the sun shineth, make hay.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
When the sword of rebellion is drawn, the sheath should be thrown away.
English Proverb
When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
African Proverb
When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.
Chinese Proverb
When we sing everybody hears us, when we sigh nobody hears us.
Russian Proverb
When you live next to the cemetery you cannot weep for everyone.
Russian Proverb
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the
world cries and you rejoice.
Indian proverb
When your enemy falls, don't rejoice -- but don't pick him up either.
Yiddish Proverb
Where no counsel is, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
Bible - Proverbs 11:14.
Where the tongue slips, it speaks the truth.
Irish Proverb
Where there is love there is pain.
Spanish Proverb
Where there is no vision, the people perish.
Bible - Proverbs 29:18
Where there's music there can be love.
French Proverb
While the cat's away, the mice can play.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
Who begins too much accomplishes little.
German proverb
Who knows most speaks least.
Spanish Proverb
Who lies with dogs shall rise up with fleas.
Latin Proverb
Wine divulges truth.
Irish Proverb
Witches and harlots come out at night.
English Proverb
With foxes we must play the fox.
Proverb of Unknown Origin
With money you are a dragon; with no money, a worm.
Chinese Proverb
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Bible - Proverbs 23:13-14.
Without justice, courage is weak.
North American Proverb
Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.
Greek proverb
Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow is but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a
dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to This Day.
Sanskrit Proverb
You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
Irish Proverb
You cannot reason with a hungry belly; it has no ears.
Greek Proverb
You cannot unscramble eggs.
North American Proverb
You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs.
Dutch Proverb
You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.
North American Proverb
You must live with a person to know a person. If you want to know me come and live with me.
Irish Proverb
Young men may die, old men must.
English Proverb
Young wood makes a hot fire.
Greek Proverb
Your health comes first; you can always hang yourself later.
Yiddish Proverb
Your neighbor's apples are the sweetest.
Yiddish Proverb
Youth does not mind where it sets its foot.
Irish Proverb
Youth sheds many a skin. The steed (horse) does not retain its speed forever.
Irish Proverb
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
Irish Proverb
2. If you could trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why?
4. If you could choose only two movies to watch ever again, what would they be?
6. If someone told you had exactly 9 minutes to live, what would you do in those 9 minutes?
11. Who is the person you know with the purest soul?
19. If you could choose only one music CD to ever listen to again, what would it be?
20. You can go back in time and prevent a great catastrophe. Which one would you prevent?
21. If you went to a beach and it turned out to be a nude beach, would you stay and go
swimming? Would you swim nude?
22. If you were at a friend’s house for dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad,
what would you do?
23. If you were elected to be leader of a foreign country tomorrow, what country would you
want it to be and what would be your first official act?
24. If money were no object, how many children would you want to have?
25. You've just won a complete collection of movies starring one actor or actress - which
actor or actress would you pick?
Group 2
1. Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
2. Knowing you had a 50 percent chance of winning and would be paid 10 times the amount
of your bet if you won, what fraction of what you now own would you be willing to
wager?
4. Of all the people close to you, whose death would you find most disturbing?
6. One hot summer afternoon, while walking through a parking lot at a large shopping
center, you notice a dog suffering badly from the heat inside a locked car. What would
you do?
7. Someone very close to you is in pain, paralyzed, and will die within a month. He begs
you to give him poison so he can die. Would you?
10. Would you seek revenge against someone who had harmed your child? Would the type of
crime have a bearing on your decision?
11. The major newspaper headlines for tomorrow will be about you. What would you want
them to say?
12. Name three experiences involving a pet or an animal which you will never forget.
13. Through a computer error, you receive an overpayment on your paycheck. Do you report
it?
14. What are your feelings about killing a handicapped child at birth?
16. What do you think is the most important invention of the last 100 years?
19. What has been the worst sexual experience of your life?
20. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Is there anything you hope to do that is
even better?
21. What is the most personally embarrassing thing you can imagine?
22. What is the most romantic present anyone has ever given you?
23. What is the most romantic song or music you’ve ever heard?
24. What is the most useful gift you’ve ever been given?
short jokes
one-liners
question and answer jokes
jokes about men, stupid men jokes
m - Brain Candy
BRAIN CANDY JOKES & HUMOR COLLECTION
corsinet sites
Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
Don't worry, she will come back.
Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she doesn't comes back within some time forget
her.
Patient:
IF you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until
she comes back.
Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
*If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat*
C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;
Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the
Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that....
Bill Gates:
If you love someone,Set her free,
If she comes back, I think we can charge her for
re-installation fees but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
Biologist:
If you love someone,
Set her free, She'll evolve.
Statisticians:
If you love someone, Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high If she doesn't, the Weibull
distribution and your relation was improbable anyway.
Salesman:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, deal!
If she doesn't, so what! "NEXT".
Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!
Insurance agent:
If you love someone,
Show her the plan ....
If she ever comes back, sign her up,
If she doesn't, keep follow up with her and never give up!
Physician:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, it's the law of gravity,
If she doesn't, either there's friction higher than the force or the angle
of collision between two objects did not synchronize at the right angle.
Mathematician:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, 1 + 1 = 2 (peanut!),
If she doesn't, Y = 2X - log(0.46Y^2 + (cos(52/34X)) x 5Y^(-0.5)c) where c
is the infinite constant of no turning point.
Nowadays' style:
If You Love Someone,
Set it free,
If It Comes Back, It is Yours
If It Doesn't, Hunt it Down and Kill It...!!! OR
PERHAPS REPORT TO IMMIGRATION THAT SHE/HE IS AN ILLEGAL
If you love someone
WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE SET HER FREE???
CARELESS IDIOT!!!
All I do is follow you around, picking up after you like some maid.
Don't sit too close to the television, it'll ruin your eyes.
How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tasted it?
I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out!
I don't care what "everyone" is doing. I care what YOU are doing!
I don't have to explain myself. I said no.
If God had wanted you to have holes in your ears (eyebrows, tongue, etc.) He would have put
them there!
If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.
If you could stay out last night, you can get up this morning.
It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust everyone else.
Life isn't fair.
When you have your own house then you can make the rules!
Who taught you THAT? You didn't learn that in this house!
You can go out to play...after you brush your teeth and comb your hair.
You can go out to play...after you pick up your room.
You can go out to play...after you've done your homework.
You can't judge a book by its cover.
You could grow potatoes in those ears!
You could have called.
You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.
You just ate an hour ago!
You made your bed, now lie in it.
You should have that phone surgically implanted in your ear.
You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!
You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders!
You will ALWAYS be my baby.
You're going to put your eye out with that thing!
Your father is going to hear about this when HE gets home!
You're the oldest. You should know better.
short jokes
one-liners
question and answer jokes
jokes about lawyers, lawyer jokes
DEER TRACKS
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and
examined the tracks closely.
The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the
tracks and find our prey."
The second lawyer responded,"Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we
follow your advice, we'll waste the day."
Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their
guns.
Not playing with a full deck? Hell, he's not even in the game!
A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth.
A brain like a BB in a boxcar.
A couple of bricks short of a hod.
A couple of dilithium crystals short of a warp core.
A couple of knights short of a Crusade.
A couple of togas short of an orgy.
A couple of volts below threshold.
A couplet short of a sonnet.
A day late and a dollar short.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few birds shy of a flock.
A few bits short of a byte.
A few bits shy of a word.
A few bricks shy of a load.
A few cans short of a six pack, six short.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few clues shy of a solution.
A few ears short of a bushel.
A few eggs short of a dozen.
A few feet short of the runway.
A few fish short of a string.
A few guppies short of an aquarium.
A few inches short of a foot / yard.
A few kernels short of an ear.
A few lanes short of a highway.
A few lines short of a program.
A few links shy of a chain.
A few open splices.
A few peas short of a pod / casserole.
A few pickles short of a jar.
A few pixels short of an image.
A few puppies short of a pet shop.
A few rungs short of a ladder.
A few sandwiches / apples / ants short of a picnic.
A few screams short of an orgasm.
A few screws loose.
A few snowballs short of an avalanche.
A few spoons short of a full set.
A few straws shy of a bale.
A few tacos short of a fiesta platter.
A few tiles missing from his Space Shuttle.
A few tomatoes short of a thick sauce.
A few yards short of the hole.
A flower short of an arrangement.
A goose short of a gaggle.
A hamburger / a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.
A handle short of a suitcase.
A hump short of a camel.
A lap behind the field.
A little light in his loafers.
A looney tune.
A mind like wet tennis shoes: Makes squishy noises when running.
A pane short of a window.
A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
A pickle short of a barrel.
A quart low.
A room temperature IQ.
A screw loose.
A strawberry short of a quart.
A teabag short of a pot.
A victim of retroactive birth control.
A violin minus the bow.
A walking argument for birth control.
A wind-up clock without a key.
About a half a bubble off plumb.
About as sharp as a sack of wet leather / a bowling ball / a bowl of Jell-O.
About as smart as bait.
About fifteen cents short.
About three cents short of a dollar.
Ain't wrapped too tight.
Air between the ears.
All booster - no payload.
All booster and no shuttle.
All crown - no filling.
All foam. no beer.
All hammer, no nail.
All his eggs in the same basket.
All his marbles in one bag.
All lime and salt, no tequila.
All missile, no warhead.
All plow and no tractor.
All the lights don't shine in his marquee.
All the sex appeal of a wet paper bag.
All wax and no wick.
Almost as smart as a finch.
Always in the right place, but at the wrong time.
Always sharpening his sleeping skills.
An early example of the Peter Principle.
An ego like a black hole.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
An inch short and a stroke early.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
Answers the door when the phone rings.
Antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac
As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.
As thick as two short planks.
Attention span of an overripe grapefruit.
Attic's a little dusty.
Back burners not fully operating.
Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.
Bats in the belfry.
Batteries not included.
Been playing in the pharmacy section again.
Been playing with his wand too much.
Been short on oxygen one time too many.
Blender doesn't go past "mix".
Blocked one too many hockey pucks / soccer balls / punches.
Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel.
Born a day late and like that ever since.
Born during low tide in the gene pool.
Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat!
Brain on cruise control.
Brain speed inversely proportional to mouth speed.
Braindead.
Brains of a house plant.
Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Broadcasts static.
Caboose seems to be pulling the engine.
Cackles a lot, but I ain't seen no eggs yet.
Calling him a pea brain would be an undeserved compliment.
Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
Can carry on conversations with bushes.
Can easily be confused with facts.
Can't find his ass with two hands and a periscope.
Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat.
Cauliflower / Cheezwiz for brains.
Cheats when filling out opinion polls.
Chimney's clogged.
Clutch is slipping.
Could get lost in a broom closet.
Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him.
Couldn't hit sand if he fell off a camel.
Couldn't pick the winner of a one-horse race.
Couldn't spell "cat" if you spotted him on the "C" and the "A".
Couldn't write dialog for a porno flick.
Crazy as all get out / a loon.
Cursor's flashing but there's no response.
Deaf, dumb, and blonde.
Deck has no face cards.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Dialing thumb must be broken.
Dock doesn't quite reach the water.
Does aerobics... in his head.
Doesn’t have all nine players on the diamond.
Doesn't have all his dogs barking.
Doesn't have all of his groceries in the same bag.
Doesn't have all the dots on his dice.
Doesn't have both chop sticks in the chop suey.
Doesn't have both oars in the water.
Doesn't have both oars in the water -- can't even find the damn boat.
Doesn't have elastic in both of his socks.
Doesn't have his belt through all the loops.
Doesn't have the sense God gave an animal cracker.
Doesn't just know nothing; doesn't even suspect much.
Doesn't know if he's afoot or on horseback.
Doesn't know which side of the toast the butter is on.
Downhill skiing in Iowa.
Dr. Kevorkian got her from the neck up.
Driving with two wheels in the sand.
Dumb as asphalt / dirt / a stump / a box of rocks / a sack of hammers.
Dumber than a chicken / box of hair / a red brick / rocks.
Dumber than owl droppings.
During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing.
Eating with only one chopstick.
Echoes between the ears.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Elevator doesn't make it to the penthouse.
Elevator doesn't stop at every floor.
Elevator goes all the way to the top but the door doesn't open.
Elevator is stuck between floors.
Encyclopedia’s missing some volumes.
Engine is running, but no one is behind the wheel.
Enough sawdust between the ears to bed an elephant.
Evidence for the theory of a missing link.
Flying / landing on one engine.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Found his marbles, but is playing jacks with them.
Four cents short of a nickel.
Full throttle, dry tank.
Gasoline engine, diesel fuel.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Gavel doesn't quite hit the bench.
Gets her mail at an unknown zip code.
Gets his orders from another planet.
Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain't got no cattle.
Goalie for the dart team.
God might still use him for miracle practice.
God's favorite target for lightning strikes.
Got a dozen eggs but some are cracked.
Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
Half a brick short of a full load.
Half a bubble off plumb. --Attributed to Mark Twain
Half a quart low.
Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse.
Has a leak in his ceiling.
Has a pulse, but that's about all.
Has all her bricks, but no cement holding them together.
Has all the brains God gave a duck's ass.
Has six beers, but lacks the little plastic thing to hold them together.
Has the brains of a dog’s ass.
Has the intellectual capacity of an Allen wrench.
Has the memory of a goldfish.
Has two brains. One is lost and the other is out looking for it.
Hasn't enough sense to pound salt into a rat hole.
Hasn't got all his china in the cupboard.
Hasn't got enough sense to come in out of the rain.
Hasn't got the brains God gave a cat.
Having a party in his head, but no one else is invited.
Head whistles in a cross wind.
Hears everything that a dog can.
He's got his motor running but the gearshift is still in park.
His drill doesn't have a full set of bits.
His jogging trail doesn’t go all the way around the lake.
If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage.
If brains were dynamite he couldn't blow his hat off / his nose!
If brains were popularity, she’d be the IRS.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
If he had another brain cell, it'd be lonely.
If he had brains, he'd take them out and play with them.
If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
If he were any smarter, you could teach him to fetch.
If his IQ were 2 points higher he would be a rock.
If she were any dumber, she'd be a green plant.
If stupidity were a crime, he'd be #1 on the Most Wanted list.
If stupidity were beauty, her face could launch a million ships.
If the government ever declared war on stupidity, he'd get nuked.
If there were a merciful God he'd be dead by now.
If they made hats the size of his brain he would be wearing a peanut shell.
Immune to caffeine and all other stimulants.
Impervious to brain damage.
In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy department.
Infinite space between her ears.
Informationally deprived.
Inspired the slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."
Intellectually challenged.
IQ lower than a snake's belly in a wagon-rut.
IQ of a salad bar / an ice cube / three below houseplant.
It would be easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing!
Knitting with only one needle.
Knows Atlanta like the back of her hand, but she’s in Chicago.
Lamborghini chassis, moped engine.
Left the store without all of his groceries.
Library is well stocked - with Dr. Zeuss books.
Life by Norman Rockwell, screenplay by Stephen King.
Light not burning too bright.
Lightbulb over his head is burned out.
Lights are on but nobody's home.
Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.
Little red choo-choo done jumped the track.
Lives in the same world, but a different universe.
Living proof of evolution.
Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
Long on dry wall, short on studs.
Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.
Loony as a jay bird.
Lost his trolleys.
Low on thinking gas.
Marching to a different kettle of fish.
Mental agility of a soap dish.
Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
Mind is on vacation but his mouth is working overtime.
Mind like a sieve.
Mind like a steel trap - anything entering gets crushed and mangled.
Mind like a steel trap -- full of mice.
Mind like a steel trap -- rusty and stuck closed.
Mind like a steel trap -- things wander in and get mangled.
Mind wandered and never came back.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.
Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.
Missing all of the face cards.
Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.
Moves his lips to pretend he's reading.
Music by Mozart, choreography by Beavis & Butthead.
Needs another brain to make half-wit.
Needs both hands to wipe his behind.
Nice house, but nobody home / not much furniture.
No coins in the old fountain.
No filter in the coffee maker.
No grain in the silo.
No hands on the rudder / yoke.
No hay in the loft.
No one at the throttle.
No wind in her mind's windmills.
Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us!
Not done evolving yet.
Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective.
Not enough brains to get anywhere near the gutter.
Not enough sense to come in out of the rain.
Not firing on all four / six / eight cylinders.
Not firing on all thrusters.
Not much to show for four billion years of evolution.
Not only a few brick short, but is missing someone else's bricks as well.
Not only rude, but ugly too.
Not quite human any longer.
Not running on full thrusters.
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.
Not the fastest car in the lot.
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
Not the same since they took him off his medication.
Not the sharpest crayon in the box.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Not too tightly wrapped.
Not worth pissin' on.
Nothing between the stethoscopes.
Nutty as a fruitcake.
Off his rocker.
Oil doesn't reach his dipstick
On permanent leave of absence from his senses.
On the batting end of a no-hitter.
One banana short of a fruit-salad.
One board short of a porch.
One boot stuck in the sand.
One brick shy of a load.
One drop short of an empty bladder.
One fang short of a vampire.
One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
One fruit short of a basket.
One horseman short of an apocalypse.
One hot pepper short of an enchilada.
One live brain cell away from being a talking monkey.
One sentence short of a paragraph.
One shingle shy a roof.
One shingle shy of a roof, and the water's getting in.
One ship short of a full fleet.
One snowflake short of a ski slope.
One song short of a musical.
One step short of the attic.
One tree short of a hammock.
Only got one oar in the water.
Only hitting on 7 cylinders.
Only operating at about half a watt.
Only playing with 51 cards.
Only playing with the jokers.
Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
Out in left field with a catcher's mitt on.
Outlet isn't grounded.
Over the rainbow.
Overdue for reincarnation.
Paddling with one oar.
Paged-out.
Paralyzed from the neck up.
Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
Perfect face for Halloween.
Permanently out to lunch.
Permanently rotated 90 degrees from the rest of us.
Personality of a snail on Valium.
Playing baseball with a rubber bat.
Playing hockey with a warped puck.
Plays solitaire... for cash.
Porch light is on, but there's nobody home.
Proof God has a sense of humor.
Puzzle is missing a few pieces.
Quick as a corpse.
Reading off an empty disk.
Receiver is off the hook.
Renewable energy source for hot air balloons.
Reset line is glitching.
Result of a first cousin marriage.
Riding a tippy canoe.
Room for rent, unfurnished.
Room temperature IQ.
Room temperature IQ - in Centigrade.
Running on empty.
Runs squares around the competition.
Rusty springs in the mousetrap.
Sailboat fuel for brains.
Several nuts over fruitcake minimum.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball.
She can piss standing up, but not much else.
She only packed half a sandwich.
Short a few cards.
Should be the poster child for family planning.
Should have kept his helmet on while riding / playing.
Signs on both ears saying 'Space for Rent.'
Sitting in the right pew, but the wrong church.
Six bricks short of a full load.
Six shy of a dozen.
Skating on the wrong side of the ice.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slept too close to his radium-dial watch.
Slinky's kinked.
Sloppy as a soup sandwich.
Slow as molasses in January.
Slow out of the gate.
Smart as a politician / lawyer is honest.
Smart as bait.
Smarter than the average bear.
Smoke doesn't make it to the top of his chimney.
So boring, his dreams have Muzak.
So dim, his psychic carries a flashlight.
So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.
So dumb, he faxes face up.
So dumb, his dog teaches him tricks.
So far gone, hard drugs push him closer to normal.
So fat, people climb over him rather than go around.
So slow, he has to speed up to stop.
So slow, we drive stakes in the ground to measure his progress.
So stupid, mind readers charge her half price.
Soft as baby shit.
Soft as silly putty.
Solid concrete from the eyebrows backwards.
Some Assembly Required.
Some bugs in his software.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
Some M&M's missing from her bowl.
Some pages missing.
Somebody lend her a quarter to buy a clue.
Someone blew out his pilot light.
Strong like bull, smart like streetcar.
Stumped by anything childproof.
Subtle as a well-thrown brick.
Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.
Swapped out.
Switch is on, but no one's receiving.
Takes her 1.5 hours to watch "60 Minutes".
Talks to plants on their own level.
The carnival has closed.
The cheese has slid off his cracker.
The computer's on but there's no prompt.
The crowd’s cheering but there’s no team on the field.
The going got weird, and he turned pro.
The space between his ears powers vacuum pumps.
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead.
There's a leak in his ceiling.
Thick as a brick.
Three chickens short of a hen house
Three wheels short of a Honda.
Too many birds on her antenna.
Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Took the little bus to school.
Toys in the attic.
Traveling without a passport.
Trying out for the javelin retrieval team.
Two bits shy of a word.
Two catchers and three basemen short of a World Series.
Two clowns short of a circus.
Two saucers short of a tea-service.
Two sheep short of a sweater.
Two socks short of a pair.
Types 120 words a minute but her keyboard isn't plugged in.
Ugly as a warthog and half as smart.
Understands English as well as any parrot.
Useful as a balsa wood anchor.
Useful as a chocolate frying pan.
Useful as a concrete canoe.
Useful as a glass machete.
Useful as a kick stand on a horse.
Useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
Useful as tits on a bull / boar-hog.
Useful as tits on a tomcat.
Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.
Uses thumbtacks to post notes -- on his refrigerator.
Uses two hands to eat with chopsticks.
Vacancy on the top floor.
Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains.
Was napping in the nut pile the day that God was cracking nuts.
Welcome light on, but no one home.
Working with an unformatted disk.
Top of Form
mind games
rhyming riddle
short riddles
good questions
word play
ad slogans
mom-isms
redundancies
occupations
stupid questions
celebrity insults
insult men
insult women
witty quips
insults
full deck-isms
insulting insults
celebrity quotes
advising
complaining
explaining
dying words
gravestones
quotations
great writing
proverbs
topical quotes
holidays
april fools
christmas
halloween
mother's day
thanksgiving
valentine's day
email
corsinet at gmail.com
recommended:
The Book of Poisonous Quotes
The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody : Great Figures of History Hilariously Humbled
The Dumbest Moments in Business History: Useless Products, Ruinous Deals, Clueless Bosses, and Other Signs of
Unintelligent Life in the Workplace
Sex with Kings : 500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge
Brain Candy
Chicago
DesignWeb
Garden
Trivia
TC