10 rules of hindi movies

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of

the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the
end, bash up the villain (who is the real bad guy), and be pardoned for all his
sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a
heroine - see rule).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess
heroes/heroines will
- die
- join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least
5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection my lord". If it is said by the
hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second
hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and
commit suicide.

6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or
on foot.

7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never

- miss
- run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required
to die, as in rule), or run out of bullets.

8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of

- pots
- barrels
- glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
9. Any movie involving lost & found brothers will have a song sung by
- the brothers
- their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her
sight in the climax)
- the family dog/cat.
The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the
movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.

10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
- Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the
titles.
- Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in rule), saying "Tum kanoon se
bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's
daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
- The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously
knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.
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Computers and Bollywood

1. Interview = Muqabla
2. Result of Interview = Kadwa Sach
3. An employee who fails to get visa = Hero
Hindustani
4. Visa = Border
5. A system infected by virus = Pyar to
Hona Hi Tha
6. Anti virus Kit = Soldier
7. System without RAM = Kora Kagaz
8. Temporary file = KhotTemporary file =
Khote Sikkey
9. A system which frequently requires
bootable disk = Sharabi
10. A computer for the virus = Piya Ka Ghar

11. Hard disk vsFloppy Disk = Gharwali

Baharwali
12. CD = Gol Maal
13. Boss having less knowledge than
employee = Baap Numbary Beta Dus
Numbary
14. Windows 95 = Bade Dilwala
15. Windows NT = Badi Behen
16. Windows 2000 = Nai Umar ki Nai Fasal
17. Undelete = Naya Jivan
18. Project incharge = Mohra
19. An employee who falls in love during his
posting In foreign country = Love in Tokyo
20. An employee who left the job without
informing = Nau Do Gyarah
21. Mail Merge in MS Word = Sangam
22. Server = Mahaan
23. Sister concern = Judwaa
24. Hate Mail = Sholay
25. Spam mail = Barsat
26. Spam Mail in one night = Barsat Ki Ek
Raat
27. Fire wall = Kaanch Ki Deewar
28. Job hunting = Talaash
29. Boss say to employees when asked for
increment = Kuch Kuch Hota Hain
30. An employee who works sincerely = Dil
Se
31. An employee who is ready to leave his
job = Doli Saja Ke Rakhna
32. A project having two projects leaders =
Ek Phool Do Mali
33. An employee without accommodation =
Pardesi Babu
34. Password = China Gate
35. Super User Password = Gupt
36. An employee who sticks to a company
for more than Three years = Amar Prem
37. Bill Gates = Humse Badhkar Kaun
38. Microsoft Corporation = Ustadon Ke
Ustad
39. Group Leader = Khal Nayak
40. Backup = Jagte Raho
41. MS DOS and IBM DOS = Ram Aur
Shyam
42. PC Clones = Shyam Tere Kitne Naam
43. Dos & Windows = Do Raaste
44. Apple Macintosh = Akeyla
45. Amiga Commodore = Ant
46. NRI = Door Ka Rahee
47. F1 = Guide
48. Internet = Door Gagan Ki Chhav Mein
49. Operator v/s computer = Main Khiladi
Tu Anadi
50. Termination letter = Aakhri Khat
51. Explanation called by boss = Mohan
Joshi Hazir Ho
52. Employee to Manager = Hum Aapke Hai
Kaun
53. Asking system admin for a forgotten
login password = Hamara Dil Aapke Paas
Hai
54. Project nearing completion = Ab Dilli
Door Nahin
55. Unemployed = Aadmi Sadak Ka
56. Someone who refuses top accept
overseas assignments = Desh Premee
57. NRI feeling homesick = Aaa Ab Laut
Chalen
58. Software piracy = Chori Mera kaam Hai
59. Giving login password to some one =
Humraaz
60. Unknown user = Gumnaam
61. System Administrator = Chowkidaar
62. Programmer trying to be an analyst =
Chala Murari Hero Banane
63. Candidate who gets the job = Jo Jeeta
Wo Sikander
64. Linux = Hum Kisi Se Kam Nahin
65. Hacker = Chuppa Rustam
66. Repeat Hacker = Hum Nahin
Sudharenge
67. Crap programmer = Budalbaaz
68. Trying to locate who wrote the original
code = Jab Yaad Kisi Ki Aati Hai
69. Oracle v/s Microsoft = Jaani Dushman
70. Project Manager = Ponga Pandit
71. Computer Network = Kacche Dhage
72. World wide web = Jaal
73. NRI deported back to India = Kaala
Paani
74. Fired for someone else's mistakes =
Shaheed
75. Cobol Programmer = Buddha Mil Gaya
76. Manager = Saas Bhi kabhi Bahoo Thi
77. Standards = Parampara
78. Documentation = Ardh Satya
79. Cubicle where you work = Yeh Gulistan
Hamara
80. Login Screen = Darwaza
81. Running Dos application in Windows
2000 = Bees Saal Baad
82. Software Training Class = Aandhee
83. Software Training Course = Aandhee
Toofaan
84. Remembering good old main frame
days = Yaadon Ki Baraat
85. IBM = Mughal-E-Azam
86. System Crash = Aakhir Kyon
87. Project meeting after an application
crash at a major site = Apradhi kaun
88. Restore from Backup failed = Soonee
Yaaden
89. Person on help desk in graveyard shift
= Akele Hum Akele Tum
90. Project manager after a failed project =
Dekh Kabira Roya
91. Apprentice Programmer = Shagird
92. Programmer who learnt on his own =
Junglee
93. Java = Naya Daur
94. Documentation Writer = Kaamchor
95. Pay Slip = Sabse Bara Sukh

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