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Dealing with Difficult Employee Behavior

Presented by

Michelle Zadrozny, LMSW Alliance Work Partners


Innovative Workplace Solutions 1-800-343-3822 www.alliancewp.com

Employee Assistance Program (EAP)


Understand the interplay between problems on and off the job Timely assessments Confidential short-term counseling Quality referrals Unlimited consultation

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Role of the Supervisor


Inform employees of work objectives Regularly monitor individual behavior and job performance Refer employees to the EAP Apply disciplinary action Be supportive

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Monitoring behavior includes looking at patterns...


Look for continued and repeated behavior pertaining to: -Absenteeism -Productivity -Performance -Personal Behavior Identify a pattern of behavior or problems over a period of time Patterns can be best identified through timely and accurate documentation Finding these patterns helps set the stage for effective action. (Robert Bramson, PhD)
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Typical Difficult Behavior


Exercise: What constitutes difficult behavior?

How do I sometimes feel when confronted with such behavior?

Adopted from Kenneth Stewart, Southern Ohio Medical Center

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What triggers difficult behavior ?


Displeasing others Confrontation Not living up to others expectations Not being respected Being incorrect Losing control or losing Feeling inferior Failure Taking Responsibility Being disappointed

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A word on personality conflicts


It is not uncommon within work groups for difficult behavior to result from conflicting personalities. Individuals can easily lose sight of how their difficult behavior impacts the entire work group. By emphasizing each persons strengths and how those strengths benefit the team/organization, you can assist in alleviating conflict.
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Types of Difficult People


There are many types of difficult people, including: Attacker/Aggressor - Hostile and loud, lacks listening skills and talks over people Victim - Attribute their problems to others and believes that people dont understand Rescuer - Willing to help others, takes on too many tasks and struggles completing own work Pessimist - Always expresses negativity Clam - Learned unresponsiveness, noncommittal Complainer - Not interested in problem solving, blames and accuses others
Adopted from The Triangles of Management and Leadership by Paul B. Thornton
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Coping with these types


Open Door Policy. Try something new. Listen to them without interrupting. Make them feel valued and appreciated. Indicate that we all play these roles to some degree. Ask them which role they see themselves playing most often. Discuss impact that it has on others. Indicate what you would like to see more & less of. Ask them to commit to making 1or 2 changes.
Adopted from The Triangles of Management and Leadership by Paul B. Thornton

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What Can I Do?

Be open, honest, direct and assertive Do not blame Let people know the result of their actions Create measurable goals for employees Try to determine if a work-related matter is driving the behavior
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More on Effective Strategies


Label the problem Neutralize them Understand them Identify with them Ignore them
Adopted from Kenneth Stewart, Southern Ohio Medical Center

Involve them Convert them Expose them Stop reinforcing them

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Traps to Avoid
Becoming angry or defensive Not asserting yourself Believing you can change them Wishing they were different Expecting the same pattern/ Overgeneralization

Blaming Framing as negative Not planning ahead Rambling / Unclear Points Trying to Counsel
Adapted from Dealing with Negotiation Breakdowns presentation, Dr. Frank Jeffries, University of Alaska & David Posen, MD
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5 Steps of Breakthrough Negotiation

Going to the Balcony Step to their side Reframe Build them a golden bridge Use power to educate
Adapted from Getting Past No by Ury

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Active & Reflective Listening


Decide you want to listen Ask open ended questions Ask for clarification

Paraphrase - restate key concepts Perception checking Search for specificity Ask probing questions Backtrack Pacing

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Listening
When meeting with a difficult employee: Suspend Judgment: Judgment stops communication, you may need to take time to digest the communication before addressing an issue Show Interest: Remove distractions and set aside time to talk. Remember that your body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions are very important Avoid Lecturing: Just imagine a parent lecturing a teenager - the effect is the same
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Effective Communication Steps


Describe difficult behavior objectively: I noticed that Express impact of behavior: When I seeour department State desired behavior change: I need for you to Consequences of behavior change and lack of behavior change: If you do, I will and If you do not, I will...
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Techniques for Avoiding Manipulation


Broken Record Fogging Defusing Content to Process Shift Assertive Inquiry
Adapted from Bourne

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Coping Skills
Dealing with the Attacker/Aggressor:
Distinguish between useful venting vs. tantrums Give the aggressor some time to vent. Breathe and remain calm. Practice active listening skills. Assertively express opinion. Emphasize that while their point may be valid, others opinions must be equally heard and respected. Be friendly.
Adopted from The Triangles of Management and Leadership by Paul B. Thornton

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Role Play: Attacker/Aggressor


When Employees Attack!
Dealing with Anger Management issues Rarely takes responsibility for own Actions Small Group Scenario: Employee bursts into the room and vents their frustration, then leaves. Rest of group is left with fallout. OR Develop your own scenario.

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Coping Skills
Dealing with the Victim: Practice active listening skills, feedback your understanding, and help clarify problems and tasks. Focus on planning, prioritizing, and accomplishing short-term goals. Facilitate discussion to assist in choosing a course of action. Ask for a solution. Victims need to be recognized regularly for their efforts and successes. Recognize them for taking responsibility.
Adopted from The Triangles of Management and Leadership by Paul B. Thornton
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Coping Skills
Dealing with the Complainer:
Listen attentively to their complaints. It allows one to: Let off steam, provide pertinent info, diminish powerlessness Acknowledge by paraphrasing main points and checking perception of feelings. Be prepared to interrupt politely but firmly. Dont agree, it validates them as blameless. Move to a problem solving mode. If all else fails, ask them how they want the discussion to end and what end result they want.
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Coping Skills
Dealing with the Pessimist: Listen to and acknowledge their perspective but do not let it absorb you Remind Pessimist of the groups goals Emphasize the importance of staying focused and moving forward Celebrate their accomplishments but keep them focused on the big picture

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Role Play: Dealing with the Victim/Complainer


Its always about Me!
Dealing with chronic complaining Always feeling unappreciated Small Group Scenario: Staff or co-worker constantly complains and has negative attitude. Does not respond to re-direction or reframing of problem. OR Develop your own scenario.

Coping Skills
Dealing with the Rescuer:
Accountability is important when working with a Rescuer Emphasize and support following through with their commitments Improving time management can help them prioritize their tasks Assign more tasks if they have time.
Adopted from The Triangles of Management and Leadership by Paul B. Thornton

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Role Play: The Rescuer


Thriving in Crisis
Dealing with Time Management and prioritization issues Determining strengths of different team members Small Group Scenario: Employee bursts into the room and vents their frustration, then leaves. Rescuer runs after him/her. Later, the Rescuer makes excuses while s/he finishes this employees project to make it to deadline. OR Develop your own scenario.

Coping Skills
Dealing with the Clam: Ask open-ended questions Do not fill in silence with your conversation. Wait calmly for a response. Comment on whats happening if you receive no response. Flow with tangents, they may lead to something relevant. Develop trust when possible.

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Role Play: The Clam


Things are just fine over here in my world
Dealing with the Silent Treatment Can be Passive-Aggressive Small Group Scenario: Employee rarely keeps up with emails (reading and responding), and misses key information. OR Develop your own scenario.

Accountability
Accountability pertains to taking responsibility for actions, behaviors or problems. Not holding someone accountable for their actions is enabling. Accountability involves addressing behavior or performance deterioration in a timely manner. Do not take sides or favor employees. Do not make accommodations or exceptions for difficult employees. Doing so will result in a cycle of nonproductive behavior. Follow the organizations disciplinary policies and procedures to avoid liability.
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Action
Revisit policies and procedures before taking action Consult with Human Resources if necessary Expect employees denial, blaming of others, anger or volatile responses Meet with employee to address difficult behavior This is an opportunity to provide feedback and coaching If response is not positive, begin disciplinary process
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Safe Supervisor Interventions


Develop fair rules and consequences Conduct a fair investigation Follow organizational policies Maintain confidentiality, respectfulness and professionalism Have second person present when meeting with employee Clearly communicate policies, procedures and expectations Inform employee that his/her conduct breaks policy and is not appropriate or acceptable
Adopted from Dr. Joni Johnstons article The Insubordinate Subordinate: Dealing with Workplace Rebellion

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Safe Supervisor Interventions


Communicate that behavior must stop Review action that will occur if behavior is not corrected and steps taken if behavior is corrected Develop an action plan Only document work-related behavior and performance Remember: Rules and consequences must be well known by both those who apply them and those who are subject to them. - Gregorio Billikopf Encina, University of California
Copyright Workers Assistance Program, Inc. 2004

Thank you!
Presented by

Michelle Zadrozny, LMSW Alliance Work Partners


P 512-328-8519 Mzadrozny@alliancewp.com

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DIFFICULT BEHAVIORS
Attacker/Aggressor
Hostile and loud, lacks listening skills and talks over people. Bullies to achieve what they want.
Coping Skills Give the aggressor some time to vent. Breathe and remain calm. Recognize your own defensiveness. Practice active listening skills. This can calm them. Acknowledge what they have said by paraphrasing. Ex. I know you may think Assertively express your opinion. Ex In my opinion, I think... Anticipate challenges. Practice what to say. Emphasize that while their point may be valid, others opinions must be equally heard and respected.

Know It All Expert


Always right. Assert their opinion and dont acknowledge others.
Coping Skills Actively listen and test your understanding by paraphrasing. It shows respect for their expertise. Ex. So what youre saying is ? Give honest credit. Ex. You have a lot of experience in this area. State your views in a non-argumentative way and request input. This can help them consider alternative views. I have a possible idea. Lets spend a few minutes going over it. Id like to get your input. If you must point out an error, ask for clarification with confidence. Ex. How did you come to that conclusion? Resist asserting your own expert credentials. No one knows more than they do in their opinion. Dont be intimidated or let them take over the meeting.

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Complainer
Not interested in problem solving, blames and accuses others. Gets worse if ignored.
Coping Skills Listen attentively to their complaints. It allows one to: Let off steam, provide pertinent info, diminish powerlessness Acknowledge by paraphrasing main points and checking perception of feelings. Ex. So you feel ________ because ______. Dont agree, it validates them as blameless. Be prepared to interrupt politely but firmly. Ask specific questions and stick to the facts. Move to a problem solving mode. If their complaint is job-related, determine whether theyre unable or unwilling to perform the required duties. Take appropriate action. If all else fails, ask them how they want the discussion to end and what end result they want.

Pessimist
See the glass as half empty. Nothing goes right. Always expresses negativity.
Coping Skills Before approaching them, have a few examples of negative behavior Listen briefly and acknowledge their perspective. Dont agree or disagree. Ex. So its tough for you Ask for positive alternatives. What could you do to make it better? State your own (more positive) perception. Ex. My perception is a little different. I feel Remind pessimist of the groups goals Emphasize change is necessary and offer to help Focus on their strong points. Acknowledge their accomplishments Remain positive and end the conversation with a positive statement, You can do it.

Copyright Workers Assistance Program, Inc. 2005

Victim
Attribute their problems to others and come across as timid and helpless.
Coping Skills Practice active listening skills, feedback your understanding, and help clarify problems and tasks. Focus on planning, prioritizing, and accomplishing short-term goals. Facilitate discussion to assist in choosing a course of action. Ask for a solution. Victims need to be recognized regularly for their efforts and successes. Recognize them for taking responsibility.

Rescuer
Willing to help others, takes on too many tasks and struggles completing own work.
Coping Skills Accountability is important when working with a rescuer. Emphasize and support following through with their commitments. Improving time management can help them prioritize their tasks. Assign more tasks if they have time.

Clam
Learned unresponsiveness, noncommittal
Coping Skills When meeting, set a time limit up front. Ask open-ended questions Do not fill in silence with your conversation. Wait calmly for a response. Comment on whats happening if you receive no response. Ex. Can you talk about what makes it difficult to talk? Are you concerned about my reaction? or I understand this is hard; it is important though. or Whats the conflict? or You look distressed. If no response, state this is important and reschedule meeting. When they open up, be attentive and watch your own impulse to talk. Flow with tangents, they may lead to something relevant.

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Strengths

High
Persuasive Risk-Taker Competitive Pursues Change Socially Skilled Inspiring Open Direct Outgoing Practical Orderly Very Direct Self-Determined Organized Traditional Goal-Oriented Dependable Economical Ambitious

4 4

High
Team-Oriented Caring Devoted Enthusiastic Helpful Accessible Trusting Sensitive Good Listener Good Friend Likes Variety Gregarious Peacemaker

R L

D T
3

Low
Exacting Thorough Factual Reserved Meticulous Practical Calm Has High Standards Risk-Avoider

1
Directive

Low

Affiliative

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Limitations Under Stress

High
Pushy Intimidating Overbearing Restless Impatient Manipulative Abrasive Reactive Dominating Dogmatic Bossy Stubborn Rigid Unapproachable Distant Critical Insensitive

4 4

High
Too Other-Oriented Indecisive Impractical Vulnerable Hesitant Subjective

R L

D T
3

Low
Slow to Get Things Done Perfectionist Withdrawn Dull Sullen Shy Passive

1
Directive

Low

Affiliative

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Turn-Ons Interactions with Others

High

6
Attention Achievement Recognition Adventure Excitement Spontaneity Control Responsibility Mastery Loyalty Fast Pace

4 6 5 4

High
Popularity Closeness Affirmation Kindness Caring

R L

D T
3

Low
Perfection Autonomy Consistency Practical Things Information

1
Directive

Low

Affiliative

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Turn-Offs Interactions with Others

High

6
Lack of Enthusiasm Waiting Indecision Convention Ambiguity Irreverence Laziness Showing Emotions

4 6 5 4

High
Insensitivity Dissension Insincerity Egotism

R L

D T
3

Low
Over-Assertiveness Carelessness Arrogance Fakes

1
Directive

Low

Affiliative

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Difficult Behavior Action Plan

1. Which of these types challenges you the most?

2. What is the one thing you have learned about that difficult behavior/person?

3. What is one thing (be specific) you could do to interact more effectively with that type?

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10 Tips For Dealing With Difficult Employees


1. Separate, in your mind, the persons professional role from his or her difficult personality. 2. Use self-deprecating humor. The ability to laugh at oneself is a key indicator of emotional intelligence. 3. Dont take it personally. Its not about you. 4. When issues hit the fan, focus on first listening rather than on arguing. Use comments like, It sounds like youre very concerned about this aspect of the project. Or, Do you mind filling me in on your thoughts on how we can better deal with this situation? 5. Ask for Clarification. So, if Ive got this right, it sounds like youre saying or Just to be sure were on the same page, are you saying 6. In a stalemate, state We dont have to decide this today. Or, Lets sleep on it and get back to this later. 7. Say your message in as few words as possible. The less you say, the more likely you are to be heard. 8. Dont repeat yourself. Say it once and move on. 9. Periodically ask, Am I making sense? 10. Have an Open Door Policy
Adapted from Debra Condren, Ph. D Business Psychologist

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Dealing with Difficult Customers


All organizations have internal and external customers. External customers are those who purchase services and products or control resources. Internal customers are other employees and departments with whom we must work and to whom we provide goods and services. From the point of view of the employee, providing good customer service may be one of the most powerful stress management techniques. A pleased customer is appreciative and complimentary. This makes everyone feel good. Additionally, turning a negative situation into one that is positive requires a great deal of skill and patience. Knowing that you have accomplished a difficult task brings meaning and a sense of mastery and control. All these can have a positive impact on our perception of stress. The following principles may seem easy. Actually using them when confronted with an angry, demanding or abusive person requires great skill and patience. If you truly desire to master the skills involved in providing superior customer service, it is wise to discuss as many situations as possible with friends or other employees to increase your repertoire of responses in similar situations. The more you practice and the more you think about what you could have said, the more likely you will think of the right thing to say next time. * Avoid confrontation and arguments

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There is no way to win an argument or confrontation with a customer. AVOID these situations. When customers are demanding or abusive, they are inviting you to respond. Constructive ways to respond could include saying the following: I want to be helpful but I dont understand how to best do that. May I ask a few questions to clarify what has happened and what you need? * Try to see things from the customers point of view

Put yourself in the customers shoes. Ask yourself: How would I feel in this situation? Recognize that in most situations there is another point of view. * Use the customers name

The use of a persons name demonstrates respect and turns an impersonal interaction into a personal one. People are most likely to be difficult and disrespectful when they feel they are being treated like a number and not as a person. * Clarify needs and suggest alternatives

When people are feeling angry, scared, upset, disrespected or stressed, they often make requests or demands which, to them, seem to be the only way to solve a problem or fill a need that they have. In other words, the demand is their solution to a problem. If you can engage them in a discussion about the underlying need, you may be able to suggest a solution that meets their need and is possible in terms of policy and your time constraints. * Validate the customers feelings

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This means letting the customer know that you hear how upset he or she is. Validating the customers feelings does not necessarily imply that you agree with the customers grievance. For example, you might say: I know this is frustrating for you. I can understand that you would be upset. If you can bear with us while we try to rectify this situation. * Dont take it personally

When a customer is rude, demanding or angry and unloads it on you, try hard not to take this behavior personally. Some employees get very angry at an unfair attack. Others become embarrassed when a customer yells at them in front of other people. One of the most difficult things to do is remain calm and to continue feeling good about yourself. There are a number of things you might tell yourself when a customer is angry or rude. 1. I must accept that I only have so much control and find the best solutions under the circumstances.

2. I will not let this person bait me into behaving in an angry, rude or discourteous manner. I decide how I will act. 3. This person is embarrassing himself/herself by acting so abusively in front of all these people. I will do my best to help him/her save face. 4. Even though I made an error, or may not have all the answers, I am entitled to respect. This person obviously doesnt recognize that. I will remain polite and considerate despite this unnecessary attack.

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5. This person is having a difficult time. Something is blocking his/her ability to be calm and pleasant. I will not take this personally, even though this person is doing his/her best to dump blame on me. 6. I must not let the clients displeasure make me feel that Im not doing a good job.
Source: WPOI, 2002

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Domino Effect Event


Definition

Thoughts
Thoughts about the event Based on beliefs and values

Feelings
Emotional reactions to the event

Behaviors
Actions in response the behaviors

Any Occurrence

Example 1

A coworker is quickly dismissive of and attacks a suggestion or idea you made in a meeting.

I am not going to let this person get control over me.

Calmer Confident

Response is to the message, not to the delivery. Assert your own view, while acknowledging the others.

Example Example 3 2

Source: Albert Ellis, A New Guide to Rational Living

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Dealing with Difficult Employees References & Resources


Axelrod, Alan and Jim Holtje. 201 Ways to Deal with Difficult People. Bacal, Robert. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Handling Difficult Employees. Bolton, Robert. How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts. Booher, Dianna. Communicate with Confidence. Brinkman, Rick, Dr. and Dr. Rick Kirschner. How to Deal with Difficult People. Crum, Thomas. The Magic of Conflict. Ellis, Albert. A New Guide to Rational Living. Fisher, Roger & William Ury. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In. Goleman, Daniel (1998). Working with Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Doubleday Dell. Graham, Gini. Resolving Conflict with others and within yourself. Lerner, Harriet. The Dance of Anger. Newman, John. How to Stay Cool, Calm & Collected. Peck, Scott. People of the Lie. Posen, David. Always Change A Losing Game. www.davidposen.com, Rosen, Mark. Thank You for Being Such a Pain. Solomon, Muriel. Working with Difficult People. Thornton, Paul B. The Triangles of Management and Leadership. http://www.refresher.com/!difficultpeople.html Web sites and articles: 1. www.effectivemeetings.com 2. www.employer-employee.com 3. Gotta Getta Coach - www.ggci.com 4. Billikopf Encina, Gregorio. Discipline & Termination, University of California, http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7labor/14.htm 5. Jeffries, Frank. Presentation Dealing With Negotiation Breakdowns, http://gaius.cbpp.uaa.alaska.edu/afflj/managing%20difficult%20situations%20breakdowns/ 6. Johnston, Joni. The Insubordinate Subordinate: Dealing with Workplace Rebellion, http://www.workrelationships.com/site/newsletter/issue8.htm
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Training Seminar & Instructor Feedback Form


Directions: The goal of this feedback form is to gather data that assist Alliance Work Partners in improving their training staff and training development. Your constructive feedback is extremely important to us; thank you very much for your participation. Trainer: __________________________________ Date: ___________________ __ Name of your agency: ____________________________ Training Topic: _____________________________

For the following questions, please use the following scale: 5= Strongly Agree 4=Agree 3=Undecided 2=Disagree 1= Strongly Disagree
About The Training Seminar: _________ 1. The goals/objectives of the seminar were clearly presented. _________ 2. The training seminar was very well organized. _________ 3. The training seminar was intellectually challenging and stimulating _________ 4. The training seminar presented me new information _________ 5. I thought the activities incorporated in the seminar were beneficial, and enhanced my understanding of the subject matter. _________ 6. The training seminar met my expectations. _________ 7. I would recommend this seminar to other people. _________ 8. In the future, I would attend another AWP training seminar. About The Instructor/Trainer: _________ 1. The instructor was responsive to all my questions and comments. _________ 2. This instructor was enthusiastic and motivational. _________ 3. The instructors explanations and examples of the content were clear. _________ 4. The instructor was a well-organized lecturer. _________ 5. The instructor effectively demonstrated his/her knowledge of the seminar topic. _________ 6. I would come to another training seminar that this instructor was teaching. Please take a moment and answer these additional questions in your own words. 1. What did you like most about training session? - Please be specific ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. What are your suggestions for improving this training seminar? ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ 3. Other comments or suggestions:

________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ Format Layout Adapted from TX State Evaluation, James McCroskey surveys, 2007 Content of Survey- Original work of Abby T. Hobart, 2007

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