The U-Turn

The U-Turn is a book which will have wide appeal. It is not just those who have signicant emotional or interpersonal problems who will welcome its wisdom but the person on the street who has to deal with the day-to-day travails of life. Conor Farren has produced a volume that is both sensitive and practical, that does not minimise the difculties we face dealing with the rawness of life, but yet offers a path through the forest of worry, anxiety and fear that confronts us all from time to time. He explores the hidden underpinnings of our reactions to life stressors and then provides us with help in tapping into the resources around us that can guide us through these. As in his other works, Conor writes in a style that engages the reader at a human and personal level, and assists in the journey to contentment and happiness. Professor Patricia Casey, University College Dublin

The U-Turn
A Guide To Happiness

Conor Farren

About the Author

Dr Conor Farren, Consultant Psychiatrist, St Patricks University Hospital, and Clinical Senior Lecturer, Trinity College Dublin. Conor Farren graduated in medicine from University College Dublin in 1985. He went on to train in psychiatry at St Patricks University Hospital, Dublin. He taught and conducted research in psychiatry at Yale University, New Haven, Connecticut, where he began work on the ideas contained in this book. He went on to take charge of the addiction and mental health section of Mount Sinai School of Medicine and the Bronx Veterans Hospital, New York for a number of years, before returning to Ireland. He is a consultant psychiatrist based in Dublin, and also lectures in and conducts research at Trinity College Dublin. He has written numerous scientic articles on the subject of mental health, and has also written extensively for newspapers and popular journals and participated in media discussions on radio and television on the same topic. He is the author of Overcoming Alcohol Misuse: A 28-Day Guide (Orpen Press, 2011). He is married and lives in Dublin. Further information is available at www.conorfarren.com.

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Contents

Introduction What Is the U-Turn? .................................... I. Why You Need this Book ................................................. 1. Self-Understanding....................................................... II. Negative Emotions and How They Hurt Us ............... 2. Anger .............................................................................. 3. Jealousy and Envy ........................................................ 4. Depression: The Experience ........................................ 5. Depression: The Escape ............................................... 6. Fear and Anxiety ........................................................... 7. Criticism and Hatred .................................................... III. The Fundamentals of Self-Belief ................................ 8. Self-Belief and Inferiority............................................. 9. Personality and Projection ........................................... 10. Talking and Communication ....................................

1 5 7 23 25 41 53 67 81 105 119 121 155 181

IV. The Importance of Relationships ................................ 211 11. Relationships and Intent ............................................ 213 12. Relationships and Power ........................................... 231 V. The Reason for It All ....................................................... 253 13. Joy and Purpose .......................................................... 255 Recommended Books ............................................................ 283 List of Useful Organisations ................................................. 285 Index ........................................................................................ 289

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Introduction

What Is the U-Turn?

We all think we are good at understanding other people, but many of us are not so good at understanding ourselves. Even those of us such as psychiatrists and mental health professionals who try to help people understand and help themselves for a living are not so hot when it comes to understanding and helping ourselves when it is our turn to go through an emotional rough patch. The U-Turn will take you on a journey of understanding of your emotions, of your personal make-up and of your relationships with the aim of guiding you to a life of joy and self-fullment. That concept of the U-turn signies a journey of transformation; a journey in which a person with a lot of self-hatred at one end of the scale can be transformed into a person with self-appreciation at the other. The U in the U-turn denotes understanding. The journey out of negative emotions, unhappiness and low self-esteem is through understanding understanding yourself, understanding the emotional forces that govern you, and understanding how to complete a personal U-turn. As we all know, emotional logic is not logical logic; the emotional world is governed by different and unclear laws. This book aims to clarify those laws and reveal your underlying emotional logic, ultimately guiding you to a better place.

The U-Turn

This book is divided into ve sections. The rst section is a general introduction to the book and an overview of just what the book is about. The second section is an exploration of the traumatic and negative emotions that can take over a sufferers mentality and leave little room for anything else. This section contains an explanation of the reasons and forces behind negative emotions and includes exercises on how to overcome them. The third section deals with the basic underlying mental structures revealed by an analysis of negative emotions. It explores the different aspects of self-esteem, self-presentation and character, explaining how these structures underlie our emotions and how understanding them leads to self-development. The fourth section deals with relationships, how underlying forces inuence them, and how we can use knowledge of these forces to take action and correct the bad way we run them. The last section is a synthesis of different ideas in the book, discussing how the rules we have learned, the structures we have understood and the emotions we have controlled can be used to help us gain direction and purpose in our lives. Throughout this book the journey through self-understanding to self-fullment is mapped out by the U-turn principles. These principles are very simple. They are feel, think and act. These principles will guide you through the different stages of the journey and let you plan a route for yourself. And although each section of the book deals with very different emotions and the very different structures behind these emotions these principles will guide you on your U-turn at every stage. Each section of this book takes a different aspect of the U-turn, and brings you to a greater understanding of what causes hurt and unhappiness and what makes you fullled and content. The journey is personal and the route to be followed is also personal. There can be only one author you. If you are not content with what you are at the moment and
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What Is the U-Turn?

if you are suffering because of this discontent, you need to dig inside yourself before you make your move outside. This book maps out the pathway to self-understanding through the very emotions that make you unhappy. It explores the underlying principles that govern those emotions and shows you why you feel the way you do. It then moves through the most fundamental aspects of your relationships to show you how to make them a positive and happy force in your life. Finally, it explores the journey you have to make to reach your ultimate goals, and helps you nd out just what those goals are. The main method advocated in this book is one of action. The purpose of the journey of understanding is to make possible a journey of action and change. The purpose of selfunderstanding is to use that understanding to transform your life from suffering to contentment, and you need both things understanding and action to do this. You cant have one without the other. Understanding without action leads to greater self-hatred and lower self-esteem. Action without understanding leads to frustration and unhappiness, because it is purposeless. The other important point about action is that it must be worked out personally in order to have the desired effect on your life and happiness. By understanding what oppresses us, we can learn what we truly want from life. By taking action against our oppression, we can fundamentally change what we think of ourselves. We can decide to take back control of our lives, armed with self-understanding in one hand and a plan of action in the other. Using this book, and the principles of feel, think and act, you can turn your life around. And as you will see, these principles and the journey they will set out for you are very easy to say but much more difcult to carry out. No matter what any other book may tell you, the U-turn in your life is not a painless process and it is not going to happen without effort and action. Is this going to be just an interesting read?
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The U-Turn

Or is it going to be a fullling journey? The only person who can answer this is you. You can take a U-turn in your life and make it like your wildest dream, or you can let it go and leave it simply a dream. The choice is yours.

U
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Why You Need this Book

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